A young Filipina girl woke up from her sleep. She was wearing Captain America pajamas and a t-shirt that had a 1-up Mushroom on it, "Geez, this is not my... What the?" She looked around, "Why do I sound like Pinkie Pie? Why is my hair longer?" She grabbed her breasts, "WHY DO I HAVE THESE!"

Her eye winced, "I just had a crazy dream where I was accepted as a 'Kämpfer ...' Oh dear..." She looked at a blue bracelet and started to blink, "Um..."

"Congrats kid," A voice sounding like Quinton Flynn said, "You're a Kämpfer. Now you can use your abilities to fight your enemies! Like the Red Kämpfer!"

"I didn't sign up for Team Fortress Two..." The girl said snidely, she looked around, "Wait..." She immediately saw an amoeba jumping around "You're talking!"

"Yup, I'm Failed Cranial Surgery Amoeba. Pleased to meet you!" The Amoeba said

There was a knock on the door, "Hey, Dimentio! Why are you looking at a combination of ponies and Kingdom Hearts?" Akira's voice said.

"Oh! Your name is Dimentio713!"

Yup. Dimentio713 had become a girl.

"Oh crud..." Dimentio thought to herself, she quickly attempted a deep, gruff voice, "I'm sick!"

"Whatever, not my problem." Steps were heard, Akira must have left.

"Hey, kid, what time is it?" The Amoeba looked around, "Normally us Messengers tell the new Kämpfer about their status early in the morning."

"It's seven. Somewhat early, but that's when most of the people in this house wake up. BKFood on the other hand..." Dimentio shook his head, "That's besides the point! I need to be a guy ASAP!"

"Oh... Well, there is one way...but you'll be knocked out for four hours." The Amoeba explained.

"I need to start the review before ten," Dimentio said bluntly.

"Hey, excuse me! Hm... Why don't you break the news to your friends. I mean, from what I heard, they're very apathetic."

"Fawful212 will experiment on me, Dimentia713 will most likely sketch my new body...and I don't think I'll be wearing anything when I see the final product/manga, and DAL 9000 will try to find a cure. And BKFood is a pervert." Dimentio sighed, "Akira's the only one apathetic."

"Oh, dear. Hey, don't you NOT do a review!"

"My contract states that I have to make a review when I post my schedule."

"You have a contract? Listen kid, if you're asking to be a guy... You're asking the wrong stuffed animal with guts sticking out! The only way to do it is by force! Granted, you'll be able to control it, but that won't be until you master your bracelet."

"...Nothing is EVER easy, is it?" Dimentio whined, "Wait! My iPhone!" She grabbed her newly gotten iPhone, "Record me!"

"Um... Sure..." The Amoeba jumped up to get the iPhone, "Wow, pretty good quality! Okay... I hope your plan works..."

"I do too..."

Dimentio713 was currently holding a sonic screwdriver in a orange and purple background, a green light emitted from it. Words started to pop out.

Kawashita yakusoku wasurenai yo
Me o toji tashikameru
Oshiyoseta yami furiharatte susumu yo

There it was. In a Black script similar to that of Comic Sans MS. Maskwitness Reviews.

Itsu ni nattara nakushita mirai o
Watashi koko de mata miru koto dekiru no?

Dimentio713 had new clothes. What type of clothes? Well, for one thing he was pale and had a blue jacket and strangely gray eyes. Perhaps he wasn't Dimentio713, but someone else.

Afuredashita fuan no kage o nando de mo saite
Kono sekai ayundekou

Dimentia713 was currently in cage. Her clothes were torn-up and she was crying. Interestingly enough, a purple monster was overhead, watching her. She looked up to see Dimentio713. She smiled as the purple monster fought him.

Mezameta kokoro wa hashiridashita mirai o egaku tame
Muzukashii michi de tachidomatte mo
Sora wa kirei na aosa de itsumo mattete kureru
Dakara kowakunai
Mou nani ga atte mo kujikenai

Dimentio713, Fawful212, Dimentia713, Akira, DAL 9000 and BKFood were all in the living room. Eating ice cream. But there was a difference, Dimentio713 was currently a female.

Dimentio713 was seen as a girl, currently holding a gun toward something while the Amoeba was on her shoulders.

Maskwitness Reviews: Season 3: Kämpfer Episode 3

"Best way to start off a day. Me being turned into a girl..." Dimentio said frustrated, "Ahem, hey guys! I'm Dimentio713 and I know the quality isn't that good, but I'm a girl. Thankfully, with my laptop being upstairs, thankfully I can succeed... Ahem, so there's this anime called 'Kämpfer,' and it's about this idiot called Natsuru who has become a girl of all things. But he does get some cool powers! But the bad thing is, he's a girl. Anyways, he's locked in an eternal conflict against other Kämpfer. Red ones, to be more specific. Reminds me of Team Fortress 2, to be honest. Anyways, I found out about this anime from TVTropes. I was looking up Dragon Ball Z: Abridged and checked out MasakoX who apparently abridged this anime. So yeah..." Dimentio groaned, "This is just perfect..."

"Anyways, that's the basic premise of this anime..."

"Like usual, I'm going over an episode of this anime. Most likely the first episode."

(A blue girl is apparently running from bullets and does some cool parkour. Like jumping off a motorcycle to land on a car.)

I hope there's driver's insurance!

"Pretty much there's a lot of running. Much like in Doctor Who. Anyways, we finally end this stupid padding and we see the opening. It's on drugs." Dimentio sighed, "And the song makes NO SENSE! And we finally start the anime."

(Some mysterious voice): That bracelet is proof of contract.

Great! Kyubey has done it! The bracelet is your Soul Gem! Your wish has surpassed entropy!

(Same mysterious voice): It's called the Contract Bracelet.

CURSE YOU INCUBATORS!

(You know who): Now that you have been chosen by the Moderators, you must fight no matter what.

Moderators, eh? Well, they sound like Incubators.

(Do you really have to ask?): You've become a Kämpfer, an elite born to fight.

(A girl screams)

I've seen enough things...

"Anyways, this is our protagonist. Natsuru. And wanna know something, he's our Fanservice character. In female form." Dimentio looked as his new body, "It's not as bad as I would like... I mean, it's kinda cute."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." The Amoeba said.

Natsuru: My chest has gotten bigger.

Oh dear. A fanservice shot.

Natsuru: My hair has gotten longer.

Well, some people do have long hair, just ask Edward.

Natsuru: Don't tell me... (Looks at his hips)

I've never had this underwear.

…

Dimentio checked her pants, "Oh crap."

(The mysterious voice from before): You've become a Kampfer.

Kampfers must be female.

Like me, sadly.

(What do you think): That's why you've turned into a girl.

Tch, like you kid.

Who said you could be in this review!?

I'm just saying what I'm seeing.

(The same type of plushie that's been annoying me): Since you've been chosen, you must become a Kampfer to fight.

Hey, I didn't mean it, kid.

Shut it.

(Stuffed...animal?): Hey I'm over here.

Do you understand?

...What.

Natsuru: Harakiri Tiger?

The plushie is...

Don't blow up your brains, Ms. Breasts.

I find that insulting.

Natsuru: A bracelet?

"Hey! Dimentio!" Dimentia713's voice was heard, "You in there?"

"Oh crap! It's my girlfriend!" Dimentio whispered.

"Come on dude, you have to start the review of Kämpfer. Plus there's somebody at the door." Dimentia said.

Dimentio's bracelet started to glow, "Yes!" She cheered.

"Wait! Is that a girl I hear?"

Dimentio713's eyes widened, "Oh-" There was a blue shine and Dimentio713 was back to being male, "Thank you male body!"

"Dimentio, I swear!"

"Don't worry!" Dimentio said, "It's just my laptop! I kinda unhooked my earbuds!" He said, opening the door.

"Oh, nice to see nothing naughty is happening!" Dimentia said, snarkily, "Anyways..." She looked at his hand, "Nice bracelet, where'd you get it from?"

"Um... While you were away. I just started wearing it now!" Dimentio handwaved in an effort to get his girlfriend off his back. Yeah, maybe he could have done it better.

"Looks familiar," Dimentia smirked, "By the way, there's someone at the door."

Dimentio nodded, "Alright."

As Dimentio went downstairs, his bracelet started to glow softly. Also, not to mention, he had left the review now... Crud.

The Amoeba looked around, "Wow. That's a bit of a shock. Looks like I can do the review from now on."

Harikari Tiger: That's the Contract Bracelet.

Natsuru: What is this thing? (Tries pulling it off)

Harikari Tiger: The bracelet will glow before you transform.

Prepare for some unintentional hilarity. ...Oh crud.

Failed Cranial Surgery Amoeba blinked, "I didn't tell him about that. Oh well, it's not my problem."

Meanwhile, Dimentio713 was going downstairs when he saw his bracelet glowing.

"Hey, Dimentio! Does that bracelet run on batteries?" Dimentia snarkily replied.

"Um... I gotta go somewhere... Greet our guest, please!" Dimentio ran upstairs and saw the Amoeba, "You! What does it mean when... Wait... I watched this ani-"

Dimentio was once more a girl, "I transform when it glows, huh?"

Amoeba nodded, "Yup. Anyways..."

Harikari Tiger: You could say I'm almost like an angel.

You did some parts of the review without me!

Hey kid, you didn't say anything about this! I don't even know how to review!

I make fun of stuff when stuff happen.

Tch, that makes no sense.

Whatever!

Harikari Tiger: T-Those are my intestines, Natsuru-san!

And suddenly, this anime has gotten grosser.

Hasn't been it always like this?

Natsuru: I'm a- GUY!

Your seiyuu isn't!

Natsure: Goodness. This is a dream... This has to be.

Sadly, it's not.

Like your problem.

Don't make me do the same thing Natsuru did to Harikari Tiger.

Tch, whatever.

Harikari Tiger: You want to go back to sleep?

"And this is the problem I have with the anime. Natsuru is stupid. If you want to read something Kampfer-related, read the manga. It's half decent." Dimentio admitted.

Harikari Tiger: Let me help you.

All right.

Please! Don't do anything gross!

"So Natsuru becomes a guy by being knocked out by the Entrailed Animal, and yes that's the name of that creature. And we come across a girl who Natsuru has the hots for."

"Sadly, she's-" Dimentio tossed the Amoeba into her closet.

"No spoilers!"

"Hey! I know her true self!" The Amoeba grumbled, "Anyways, you can continue review this anime."

"Anyways, you see Sakura, that's the girl's name, apparently gave Harikari Tiger to Natsuru and suddenly the bracelet glows..." Dimentio looked at her bracelet, "Yes!" He became a guy

"Dimentio!" DAL flew up into the room, "Our guest wants to meet you! I already implanted what she needed."

"One sec!" Dimentio immediately ran downstairs and there was a young Japanese girl sitting down on a table. She was around Dimentio713's age and smiled. She was wearing a scarf and a hat. She was wearing a black coat and a white t-shirt underneath. Not to mention, denim pants.

"I finally get to meet you!" She said, "So you're Dimentio713, huh?"

"Yeah..." Dimentio smiled, "I guess you're..."

"Wow, you don't remember my name?"

"Look, we only talked to each other online!" Dimentio admitted, "Only when I was in...Taiwan, I saw your real face!"

"Where was that anyways?" The girl said, "I checked up on Taiwan and stuff..."

"That's something you won't find out." Dimentia told the girl, "It's a really interesting story, but you can't know about it. It's a house thing."

"Oh..." The girl sighed, "Anyways, who are you? I'm Naru."

"Dimentia713. Looks like DAL allowed you to speak English." Dimentia said.

"Yeah... It's interesting... I got a needle... One sec, I need to get my luggage. I'm staying here for awhile." Naru said.

Dimentia looked at Dimentio, "Well, I'm going to go check up on the review room."

Dimentio sighed.

You see Naru was a friend of Dimentio. Over the course of 2012, they talked to each other over the internet. He gave her advice, no matter how weird the topic, and was there to help her. Little does he know... Well, that's a secret.

Dimentio entered his room, "Okay. I'm gonna start making a review now!"

The Amoeba looked around cautiously, "I feel a presence. Like there's another Kämpfer in this house. Another Entrailed Animal too..."

"You can do that?"

"I can do a lot of things. I'm a Messenger! Anyways, I watched more of this anime and apparently, we see a new character. With a gun. From that crazy padding scene."

(The red-head from the beginning of the episode): Yo. So you're my enemy? Never thought such a girly-looking punk would be my enemy.

I'm gonna enjoy this character.

(Gun-toting chick): Say your prayers or something.

Sakura: Natsuru-san? Huh?

"We get a transformation scene." Dimentio explained, "Not really that interesting... But there's Gainaxing... Also, the red-head's name is Akane... Yeah. Remember my 'The Team' post on DA? Yeah, that's the girl's name. And she cusses... a lot."

(Akane: Outta the way, you stupid (The Doctor: Don't blink. Blink and you're dead.))

"Anyways, the two fight and it turns out that Natsuru can shoot fire out of his hands. Try to wrap your heads around that! Natsuru saves Akane from a falling pillar and there's a bit of fanservice involved. Akane falls on Natsuru in a very suggestive manner. A REALLY suggestive manner."

"So Natsuru runs away from Sakura who was watching the fight. Let's just say, implied crush." Dimentio admitted.

"We get some more exposition. Like Sakura being probably the one of the most beautiful women on campus out of two. I could tell that one's really nice and the other is really mean. We also meet a very boring character too! So... Yay? Also, Natsuru has an old friend who apparently travels the world. We also meet another character."

(New character): No, it's okay. I shouldn't have...

Natsuru: Um... Do you need something from me?

Lots and lots of- oof!

This fanfic is rated Teen!

Natsuru: Actually, how did you get to the male side

(New character. She's almost like Fluttershy!): I-I'm a librarian, so I have a pass...

I'm sorry, I don't speak with guys often...

So...moe...

(Cough)Otaku!(Cough)

I'm gonna ignore that statement...

Natsuru: Even if you apologize... What's your name?

Akane: I'm Akane.

Hilarious moment go!

Akane: Akane Mishima.

Natsuru: Akane... Misihima?!

"We get a fanservicey scene and-" Dimentio became a girl again, "What's up?"

"Dunno." The Amoeba told them.

"So Natsuru accidentally keeps insulting Akane. Who is the same person who fought Natsuru that morning and, apparently there's personality changes in Kämpfers. So a shy person becomes a crazy woman..." Dimentio explained, "I still can't get over my form."

"Yup."

"Same color bracelets mean that the people are on the same side... Et cetera, et cetera, and stuff. I mean, blue are on the same side and there's three types of Kämpfers...but she still remembers when Natsuru saved her."

Akane: That was so brave...

Obvious crush is obvious.

Natsuru: If blue means we're on the same side, what about our enemies?

Akane: They wear red ones.

Natsuru: You know a lot.

Akane: Black Seppuku Bunny told me.

There's a Black Seppuku Bunny?

Akane: He's a type of plushie from the Entrails Animal Series.

Black Seppuku Buuny: What? You want something from me?

Exposition.

Black Seppuku Bunny: Well, whatever.

I'm only going to say it once, so listen carefully.

"So Black Exposition Bunny tells us that there are three types of weapons for Kämpfers. Gewher, Zauber, and Schwert. And it's German." Dimentio sighed, "I took a German class. The teacher sucked."

"Anyways, they make a seiyuu reference and I just realized you sound like Axel. I might I knew, but still..."

"Whatever," The Amoeba told Dimentio, "By the way, have you noticed there was a gun nearby whenever you transformed." Dimentio looked at her hand, "You're right..."

"You can desummon it, but-" To Failed Cranial Surgery Amoeba's shock, the gun was desummoned, "Whoa! How can you do that!? It can't take that long to desummon a weapon. At least a couple of weeks."

"I have experience in weapons." Dimentio told the Entrailed Animal.

"Also, awkward position number one!" Dimentio announced as the screen showed Natsuru and Akane in a compromising position. Not to mention, they were just getting books.

"We see another character, Shizuka and she's the Student Council President...and one of the beauties of this school. More implications and Natsuru becomes a girl again and is forced to sneak around. Apparently the school is a co-curricular, but separate sides and classes. So, that causes some problems."

Natsuru: So you don't know why Kampfers are fighting against other Kampfers?

Akane: I asked Black Seppuku Bunny quite a few times... Bue he always says he didn't know... And then I get mad...

{Flashback}

Akane: You don't know?! You Yukari Tamura sound-a-like!

Black Seppuku Bunny: Stop abusing me! You Yui Horie sound-a-like!

I don't quite understand this reference...

It's cause you're not Japanese.

Akane: I become so violent after I transform.

Natsuru: Wait, so why do we suddenly transform.

"I wanna know too... Why?"

"Dunno, maybe the anime will explain it!" Failed Cranial Surgery Amoeba told Dimentio.

Dimentio looked at at the Entrailed Animal, "Really?"

"Just kidding. You either feel like transforming or another Kämpfers is nearby. I have a gut feeling the reason you transformed is the later."

"So we get a 'hilarious' scenes that have Natsuru getting used to her new female body." Dimentio rolled her eyes, "Like the bathroom."

"Do you know?"

"You sit down." Dimentio told Failed Cranial Surgery Amoeba.

"That's it?"

"...Yeah..."

"So, we get something extremely awkward after that. Sakura meets up with Natsuru and... Well..."

Sakura: I-I'm sorry. Well, actually... There's someone I'm kinda interested inn...

Aw, there's gonna be a cute scene!

Sakura: I just can't get this someone out of my head.

Aw, she's gonna admit her love for somebody. I know who the lucky fellow is!

Sakura: I really want to meet that person again... And see, I was wondering if you know them. So fabulous and cool... And wearing our school's uniform.

I can't wait!

Sakura: And she's saved me! I'm talking about that girl on the street from this morning! Naturu-san, if you know her, please introduce me to her!

Ouch. Burned.

Dimentio laughed, "That's so funny! Sakura has a crush on Natsuru who has a crush on her. Sadly, it's Natsuru's female form that Sakura was a crush on. Craziest love triangle ever!"

"So there's a lot of craziness and school. And Akane and Natsuru become friends. Which is cute... Sadly, Akane's Kämpfer form comes out and says this:"

(Akane: What's up, People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually — from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint — it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.)

"So, as it turns out there's another Kämpfer on... Kampus and-"

"That was a horrible pun." The Amoeba said.

"So they fight and we end on a cliffhanger that implies that Sakura is the person who's been attacking them."

"Trust me, she's even worse than most." the Amoeba explained.

"Well, I thought this was a weird anime. An interesting anime, but a weird one. Anyways, I-"

Dimentia barged into Dimentio's room, "Dimentio!"

She saw Dimentio and blinked, "Um..."

"This isn't good."

Pros:

It's...interesting...

It gets better later on

Cons:

Weird.

Lots of fanservice

Final Verdict: 6.5/10. The anime has a really horrible lead character, but the visual novel and the manga... They're better.

Dimentio blinked, "Listen..."

"There's someone attacking us. Come on, help me out Dimentio." Dimentia smirked, "Nice impression of Pinkie Pie by the way."

"...What."

What? A review in the start of the week! Oh my! A regular schedule!