Darcy stared as a blood drop slid down her arm. She sighed, and walked slowly to the living room table to get herself a tissue, pressing it tightly to the wound. The battle had taken place two days before, and wounds, physical or else, were still far from being mended. Only when they got back to one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'S installations did they notice that the three women who had been taken hostage were not as perfectly healthy as they had thought. Everyone was too relieved to be alive, and far too wired with adrenaline to notice injuries on non-fighting individuals. Jane had broken a few ribs, and was heavily sedated, since Thor couldn't bear to see his beloved suffering, Pepper had broken her collarbone, and Darcy had a pretty nasty gash on her left arm due to some flying shrapnel that tore through her clothing.
Clint still felt guilty over not noticing sooner, but in the chaos of their victory, it would have been surprising he had known the blood on her arm was from her own wound rather than from one of his many oozing injuries. She had gotten stitches, and she frustrated her doctors by constantly pulling them open. She was supposed to stay put and wait to heal.
She couldn't. She simply couldn't. She needed to move, to do something. It was as if her adrenaline rush never ended and was constantly pushing her forward. She knew that wasn't it though.
Every time she closed her eyes, every time she forced herself to do nothing, she saw Thanos' face. Purple, smug and terrifying. She saw his knife an inch away from her neck. She saw the moment she nearly died. When the others were around it wasn't so bad, but when she was alone she was constantly close to a panic attack and the only way she found to relax, if even slightly, was too busy herself. The mansion had never been cleaner than since she returned from Canada. She cooked nearly every meal despite the team's protests. Most of them weren't up for roster duty anyway. Tony was bruised all over, Steve had a stretched tendon in his right arm, Thor never knew how to cook, and Natasha had all but disappeared in the last two days. Clint told them it was normal, she always needed time after a hard fight to lick her wounds. Pepper couldn't use one of her arms and Jane was basically bed ridden and incoherent most of the time. The only thing that kept Jane from being forever recorded discussing The Unicorn Theory with Darcy was Pepper's thankfully enormous influence on Tony. Withholding sex was the only certain way of controlling the billionaire.
So Darcy kept herself busy, maiming herself in the process because she did spend most of her time alone. Well, not really alone but attending to whichever of the Mansion's occupants was currently recuperating, a.k.a sleeping. It was usually either Tony, Jane, Bruce, or Clint, and as much as she loved her boyfriend even she couldn't stare at him sleeping indefinitely without getting bored. And getting bored meant having flashbacks.
Flashbacks sucked. When she spoke about it with Coulson, he stated it was normal for a civilian with no real crisis handling background to be slightly traumatized by a near-death experience at the hand of a mass-murdering psychopath.
She decided being a civilian sucked as well. Clint disagreed with her. Apparently being innocent was part of her charm. It didn't help her with the panic attacks.
No one around the Mansion really understood. Well, Jane probably would if she was able to think straight and about other things than mystical creatures- she had evolved to kelpies last time Darcy saw her awake.
Pepper, the only other real civilian in the place had lived around Tony long enough before anything really dangerous happened to her to accept it easily enough. It didn't hurt that she was heavily drugged through most of her encounter with Thanos and couldn't remember most of it.
The others, freaking superheroes they were, weren't really affected. Clint hadn't been happy about her getting involved in the scenario, neither of them were, but as far as he was concerned, everything went rather well. Darcy felt terribly weak to be so affected by the situation when it wasn't anything to be anxious about.
She shouldn't be having panic attacks. Nothing happened, except a slice on her arm that wouldn't even hurt that much if she didn't keep pulling it open.
She sighed again, dabbing her wound with another tissue, trying to get it as clean as possible while knowing she would probably have to ask Bruce to help her stitch it together again. She tried to stay away from the Medical unit and the disapproving doctors as much as she could manage. Bruce disapproved, of course, but he was more discreet about it and he disapproved because he cared. Not because she forced him to spend precious time dealing with an insignificant civilian when he could be saving superheroes.
He was great like that.
So she was dabbing her wound, trying her hardest not to think about how exactly she got it. Wolverine -Logan- had disappeared pretty quickly after the fight to talk with Fury. No one had seen him since, even when she asked Coulson. From what she heard, she would have to thank him for saving about half the team's life. Well, about the lives of every team member who risked actually dyeing.
Even Coulson didn't know. Probably because from what Darcy gathered, Logan wasn't exactly a predictable character.
Anyhow, she felt weak. She hated herself for it. She hated Thanos for it.
"You should be more careful."
She turned around. Clint was leaning on the doorway, his brow furrowed in concern as he looked at her still bleeding arm. She shrugged.
"It's not bad. And the living room needed to be cleaned a bit."
He frowned even more, walking slowly to her.
"The entire house is spotless, Darcy. And you know it."
He stood in front of her, lightly dropping his hands to her shoulders.
"It's alright to be afraid. It's normal."
She swallowed and looked away briefly, before staring back into his eyes.
"I haven't been normal my whole life, Clint. Why do I have to start now?"
Her voice broke at the end of her sentence and she felt her eyes water once more. Dammit, how pathetic was she? Snap the hell out of it, Darcy! Clint raised a hand and wiped her cheek with the pad of his thumb, catching the already falling tears.
"Darcy. You nearly died. Of course you're affected."
She cried out, her face twisting unattractively she was sure.
"But nothing happened! I'm perfectly fine! I shouldn't be so fucked up!"
Clint sighed, pulling her into a warm hug.
"Stop being so hard on yourself, love. It's only been two days. Give yourself some time. It'll pass. Everything does."
He pulled back, tightening his hand on her arms, staring straight into her eyes.
"We're all fine and that's all that matters. I love you. So much. I love you more than I ever loved anyone. Please, Darcy, stop hurting yourself."
His gaze dropped to her arm, before rising once more.
"In every way."
She looked in his eyes for a while, until she trusted her voice again.
"I'm sorry, Clint."
The archer frowned.
"Whatever for, Darcy?"
She pinched her lips, frowning.
"For not being stronger. I think. For make you worry."
He pulled her into a bruising kiss, minding her arm. He pulled back just enough to whisper against her lips.
"If anyone has reasons to be sorry, Darcy, it's me. For pulling you into this world, my world. For putting you in danger. But I'm for to egoistical to regret having you in my life. And I worry about you, constantly. But it's no one's fault but mine. If you ever apologize for something like this again, I will make sure you know exactly how much you are wrong and I won't hesitate in involving the team. Clear?"
She paused, and let a smile slowly stretch across her lips.
"Clear. I'll see what I can do about the arm."
She pulled away, and went to collect her things. He caught her good hand.
"Darcy? Whenever you have trouble handling things, nightmare, flashbacks, panic attacks? Come and talk to us. Me, Nat, Tony, Coulson. I know we act tough, but we've all been through this. We know what you feel. We can help you. Just talk."
She paused, looking at his big earnest eyes, remembering mini Clint. He looked so beautiful at the moment, so tender. She skipped to him, pulling him into a slow, heated kiss.
"I love you, fledgling."
He smiled.
"Everything will be fine, Darce. You'll see."
She nodded and nuzzled his neck a bit, before straightening back up once more, frowning all of the sudden.
"And you? How are you?"
He shrugged with a small grin.
"Not too bad, don't worry. I've seen worse."
She frowned even more, bumping one spot on his shoulder she knew was bruise free.
"That's not exactly making me feel better, fledgling. Should you be out of bed?"
Clint rolled his eyes, squeezing her waist a bit, following while she picked up her cleaning stuff.
"I'd be more comfortable in bed if you were there with me."
She shot him a look from the corner of her eye and caught his little dirty smile. She whirled around, brandishing her duster like a sword.
"That is out of the question. We are not doing anything until you can sit up straight without wincing."
He groaned.
"Come on, Love. A man's got his needs."
She arched one eyebrow.
"Yeah, and he needs to heal properly so that he can go back to making hours of heated and passionate love to his girlfriend."
He pursed his lips and glared at her.
"Cheap shot, Darcy."
She shrugged.
"If that's what it takes."
He threw his head back and barked out a laugh. She smirked and put everything she collected in the cupboard close to the kitchen, which still contained remnants of Tony's first experimentation on the Roombas. Clint was still grinning when she turned back.
"You've spent far too much time with Nat and Coulson. They're corrupting you."
She skipped to him.
"I prefer to think of it as formation. You can't survive around here by pulling punches. At the very least, not around Tony and you."
Clint was about to answer, trying to defend his honor, when he was hit very hard on the chest by an angry remote. Zazu then proceeded to beat him thoroughly, catching a few injuries, thus hurting Clint far more than he should have. The archer yelped, and tried to slap the remote away.
"What the hell! Leave me alone you stupid- will you stop that! Ow! OW! Darcy, help me."
Darcy shook herself.
"Zazu, Zazu leave him alone, he hasn't done anything!"
She reached for him with her harmed arm, and the remote started to beep frantically at the sight, and started hitting Clint even harder. It clicked.
"Zazu, stop it. He didn't harm me. I did this to myself. It's my fault."
The remote froze in midair, stopping all sound and movement. Darcy pursed her lips. That was getting rather bothersome. They had discovered recently that Tony hadn't programmed their favorite remote to compute that Jane, Pepper and Darcy could get hurt, and he tended to overreact when they were, taking out his anger and resentment on his least favorite people: Tony, Clint, and recently Thor. He seemed to consider the boys responsible for their girlfriend's injuries, and it saddened Thor that he lost the remote's friendship, since they had gotten along fairly well.
Apparently, the remote was also unable to understand that Darcy could, and would, have hurt herself. Darcy hoped she hadn't broken him, floating without any sign of recognition, because she wasn't sure Bruce would forgive her.
"Flit?"
The stereo flew in, playing some soothing song softly. He gave an apologetic bump on Clint's good shoulder, that Darcy had designated as a safe spot for everyone who liked to manhandle her boyfriend. Thor, that means you. Darcy tried not to delve on the fact that the AI Tony created while being a four year old was more mature than the one he built while he was adult. Sleep deprived, but adult nonetheless. There was probably some Freudian theory about it somewhere, but Freud always managed to give her a nasty headache.
The stereo pushed Zazu away, beeping softly. Clint slowly relaxed his defensive stance, looking at her.
"Next time you get kidnapped, bring him. He'll take them all out."
She chuckled.
"I'll think about it."
"Miss Lewis."
They turned around to see Coulson standing in the doorway. She smiled at him, trying to decipher his emotional state. Needless to say, she failed. Where was Bruce when you needed him?
"Sir. What can we do for you today?"
He gazed at her for a moment, unreadable, before he opened his mouth again.
"Loki has woken up. We thought you might be interested. You are our official liaison with him, after all."
Clint pursed his lips as he was bound to do when someone mentioned Darcy's deal with Loki. Even more since Loki came to join them in battle, saving her life in the process. No one knew what ground they stood on with Loki and it made them all uncomfortable, the archer more than anyone. He also didn't appreciate owing anything to the God of Mischief, especially his girlfriend's life.
Plus he hated the fact that he felt thankful for that. Thor, on the other hand, was enraptured to have a reason to hope his brother was redeemable at last. Without Loki, there's no telling how the fight would have gone. Even if his motives were still dubious.
He was still in one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s healthcare facility's. He hadn't woken up since the battle, but according to Thor it wasn't unusual for a warrior to fall deeply asleep after a hard battle to fully recover from it.
Darcy cocked her head to the side.
"Has he said anything?"
Coulson's lips twitched, though Darcy couldn't tell if it was from amusement or irritation.
"Oh, he said plenty. But apparently mortal painkillers do not mix well with Norse God. And Thor wore a bridal dress at some point in his existence. Loki seemed pretty enthusiastic about telling so to the nurse. Amongst other things."
Darcy snorted.
"Amongst other things?"
He was definitely grinning now. If you knew what to look for.
"He and Dr. Foster are forbidden from be in each other's company until one of them regains control over their thought processes, otherwise I fear our personnel will die of Unicorn Overdose."
Clint cackled.
"Is that a real thing?"
Coulson cocked his head again.
"No, but I'm sure Loki will be very happy to make it happen. Miss Lewis, are you coming?"
She smiled.
"Yep, just let me grab my coat and I'm ready. Clint?"
He nodded.
"You're not getting rid of me so easily, love."
She bumped against his shoulder.
"Come on, fledgling, let's get you suit up."
He rolled his eyes, and they both missed the fond look from Coulson.
OOOOOOO
The drive to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s HQ was quiet, Phil working on his pad, like he was bound to do when he had any down time. Apparently, saving the world from an alien invasion created a lot of paperwork and the blunt of it seemed to fall to Coulson. Luckily for him, the Avengers hadn't been called in since, giving him some time to work through it.
Defeating extra-terrestrial war lords had cooled all the terrestrial threats a bit. Fancy that.
Clint was silent, probably pondering once again the Loki Situation. Darcy focused on driving. She never thought too about her relationship with Loki and it hadn't turned out too bad. It was better to go with the flow with him. He can't throw a wrench into your plan if you don't have one.
She walked into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s lobby, Coulson and Clint on her heals. They reached the Medical Center where Thor and Natasha were waiting. The God was eager and anxious, while the spy remained unflappable. Darcy sighed and went to hug him.
He returned it tenfold and she ignored the little sob he gave. Natasha and Coulson averted their gaze, while Clint patted Thor solidly on the shoulder.
Darcy looked at the tall blond god.
"Do you want to go alone first?"
Thor sighed, shaking his head.
"I do want to, but I do not think it would be wise. My brother may not appreciate my presence."
Darcy frowned.
"You two really need to have a good talk. And I don't think anyone will let me go in there alone."
Clint huffed while Natasha and Coulson simply gave her an unimpressed look. Thor frowned, but shook his head.
"No, I will not come."
He turned to the others.
"Nor will you."
Clint opened his mouth to protest, but Thor raised a hand to shush him.
"No, Clint. Loki will want to talk to Darcy. Alone, as he did before. He came to save her. She deserves the chance to thank him in private."
Coulson dropped a hand on the archer's shoulder, holding him in place. The agent threw a passive look to Darcy.
"Be careful, Miss Lewis. Loki is even more unpredictable in his current state. If anything goes wrong, scream for us. We will wait here."
She nodded, squaring her shoulder. She really would have liked to have someone to come with her. Though she could get why it was preferable for Thor not to come along. Better to keep Loki in a good mood if it was possible.
She pushed the door open. The room was a dull gray, boring like every other hospital room in existence. Loki was lying on his back on the bed, eyes shut but his body was too tense to be asleep. She calmly walked in the room, eying the man, wary.
His usually sleek back hair had been washed and was curling all over, making his face look less snake-like. Gentler, more human.
It felt weird. Loki was always guarded, mysterious, hiding himself behind his artifice and fake smiles. Seeing him there, in a hospital jacket with his hair all fluffy, he looked terribly vulnerable. Like a mighty knight, stripped of his armor.
He looked so terribly weak now, weaker than Thor had ever been, even at his lowest when he had been cast out from Asgard and stranded on Earth. Loki had nothing. Nothing to protect himself from the rest of the world with. Thor had his love and his courage. Loki had pushed himself forward with his rage and his wit, but now he had nothing left.
He had let go of his anger to help them. He had been stripped of his wit by the drugs. Now he lay bare.
"I feel your pity from here."
Darcy snorted humorlessly, settling herself in the chair next to the bed.
"You seem awfully aware for someone apparently delirious on drugs. And I don't pity you."
He smirked, his eyes still closed.
"Humans are so entertaining when flustered. And everybody pities me at the moment."
She arched her eyebrows.
"I think we determined I'm not everybody the first time we met."
"Indeed."
She waited for more, but it became obvious she wasn't going to get it.
"I have no reason to pity you. Everything you suffered, you brought on yourself."
He finally opened his eyes, turning his head slightly to look at her.
"Is it so horrible to try and better your fate? Was it so horrible for me to try and become Thor's equal?"
His tone was harsh, bitter.
"Yes, when it's done at someone else's expense. When it makes someone else suffer. What would your life had been like if you had let things alone? A prince, living a prince's life. And yet, you killed hundreds of people because you felt wronged. You were the third most powerful person in the Nine Realms, and that wasn't enough for you. You threw it away. Yes, Loki, you brought everything upon yourself."
He looked at her for a long time.
"You hate me."
She shook her head.
"No, I don't. Some of your actions and reasons disgust me though."
He frowned and hissed.
"I saved your life."
She straightened herself.
"You did. And it's the only reason I'm not disgusted by you. There's hope for you yet. Maybe you can become better."
He smiled.
"Help me. You can make me a better man."
She smirked.
"That's bullshit, and you know it. If you change, it's going to be with your own help. I'm not that stupid."
He closed his eyes briefly.
"But with you by my side, it'll be easier."
She rolled her eyes.
"I thought you weren't going to try and lure me to your side, Loki. You were too afraid of the Avengers for that."
He shrugged a bit.
"They can't do anything if you come willingly."
She snorted humorlessly.
"I won't."
He pursed his lips.
"I know. I missed my chance. You were attracted to me."
Darcy knew better than to try and deny that.
"Yes. The glimour of power, of a dark and mysterious man. Of a bad boy. But I'm sorry, Loki, you never had a chance."
He turned on his back, gazing at the ceiling with a derisive grin on his lips.
"The Archer is a lucky man, Miss Lewis. I'm sorry I have lost my appeal."
She shook her head.
"As a man, he is worth so much more than you."
Loki arched an eyebrow, his stare still fixed on the ceiling.
"And as a god?"
She shook her head, sending her dark curls flying around.
"You're not a god. Not anymore. You are nothing more than an especially durable and gifted man. Nothing more than any member of my team."
He pursed his lips but didn't answer.
"One day, I will prove to you in which way I am nothing you've ever seen before."
She snorted.
"Start by accepting you are not the supreme being of the universe, and work up from there."
He finally looked back to her.
"What do I do now?"
He looked honestly lost. She shrugged awkwardly, wondering when she had become the 'Consultant For Slightly Unbalanced Wannabe Gods'.
"You atone for your actions. To us. To Thor. To the rest of your family."
She ignored his grimace at the term family, and went on.
"To the planet. Than you do whatever princes do in their free time."
He smiled wryly.
"You say it like it's easy."
She leaned forward, patting him lightly on the shoulder.
"Simple, Loki. Not easy. Life is never easy. Nor fair. Even when you're a prince."
She stood up and Loki looked slightly displeased.
"Leaving already?"
She cocked her head.
"I don't think I can do much more for you at the moment. You need to think about it by yourself."
Loki pinched his lips, but nodded his acceptance.
"Thank you, Miss Lewis."
She went to walk out, before turning back once more.
"Oh, and by the way. Consider talking to Thor. He is truly distressed. He misses you."
Loki didn't answer, but didn't seem particularly upset, which Darcy chose to take as a good sign.
"Good bye, Loki."
He finally looked at her.
"I'll make you forgive me."
She smiled, shaking her head once more.
"You can't make someone forgive you, Loki. The moment you understand why, I'll forgive you."
And she left.
OOOOOOOOO
"Miss Lewis?"
"Yes, Agent Coulson?"
"Loki disappeared."
"Has he? If I have to say, sir, I'm surprised he stayed this long."
"You and me both, Miss Lewis."
"Good night, sir."
"Likewise."