A/N: It's only Tuesday? Why?

Oh, and Ginny is still awesome cuz she posts for me. Just sayin'.

The last few months of the year were always a bad time for Edward. His son's last months had been a blessing and a curse. A blessing because each moment was so crystal clear, and therefore, time passed not in a blur but slowly. It was a curse because the slow crawl of time was agonizing. They'd had good times, happy times. There were days when Xavier could push past the lethargy to grin, play with his toys, or babble at his parents. More often than not, though, those days passed with the up and down flow of Xavier's illness. Medication, emergency rooms, needles, tests, and Xavier's tired cries all echoed in Edward's head, breaking his heart fresh with each memory.

This year, the months were confusing. When he reconciled himself to the fact he had to begin to let go of his son, when he began to heal, he found he had room in his heart for emotions that weren't so mired in the agony of loss. It was strange, after all this time, to feel excitement again, to feel anticipation and joy.

He was excited, too. Every day, when he arrived home after Bella did, he kissed his beautiful girlfriend and then knelt in front of her, resting his head against her belly, so he could say hello to his baby girl. He would tell her all the things they would do together, the places he wanted to show her, the things he wanted to give her.

It was surreal and painful because he'd said all of those things before, to a different baby who never got to experience most of what he had planned.

Edward was glad Bella didn't always sleep in his bed. He was glad that when nightmares got the better of him, she didn't have to see his terror. He was so afraid. At Bella's now monthly doctor's visit, he was half the proud, expectant father and half the paranoid hypochondriac, just waiting for the worst news. It was exhausting.

Discovering he could love this baby, his daughter with Bella, as much as he loved Xavier was a relief but also an anxiety. Life wasn't a guarantee, and he wouldn't live through losing another child. Period. It would destroy him, and it wouldn't be a quick, clean death.

Still, he was animated as he and Bella sat side by side, heads bent together as they flipped through paint colors, decals, and wallpaper runners. They talked about soft blues, purples, and greens. They decided they both hated yellow.

That weekend, Edward and Emmett painted over the colors he and Kate had chosen for Xavier with primer. For the most part, it was a good day. Edward was relearning how to joke with his big brother, and there was a general buzz of happiness preparing for a new baby brought. But still, for Edward, there was also the tiniest pang of bitterness and resentment. If he let himself think about it for more than a few minutes, an awful, cloying feeling churned in his gut. There was still that voice in his head accusing him of erasing his son. With that voice was another voice-the voice that made his heart twist with guilt because he didn't want to resent his daughter, not even a little bit.

Confusing.

The next weekend, the nursery was done. The room had been painted a light green-no theme because it was Bella's room too for the time being. The crib and changing table were set up against the longest wall, and a comfy rocker sat in one corner.

New furniture, new bedding, new mobile, new toys. The room was ready for Edward's new baby, and he couldn't wait to bring her home. But he couldn't shake that last tendril of wrongness either. This room no longer belonged to Xavier at all.

That night, after his family had gone home, Edward and Bella sat side by side on her bed, looking at the baby's side of the room. Bella was babbling happily, talking about how she didn't really understand why anyone needed a changing table since all you needed was an available surface. Edward was mostly quiet. He wasn't sure which of his emotions was winning the war inside him, and she deserved to experience this excitement unencumbered by his angst.

Sometimes, he felt like two distinct people shoved into one body. He was still the man who had mourned his son almost every minute of every day for over a decade. The muscle memory of being that man was still very much alive in him and indignant about having to share space with the man he was becoming. He was also the one who was cautiously but outrageously happy. He wanted to meet his daughter, wanted to hold her in his arms and see her smile and watch her grow and learn.

His hopes, his fears, his loss. They all rattled inside him-pieces that hadn't yet settled into their place.

He noticed too late that Bella had gone quiet. He started, as though just coming awake, when she rested her head on his shoulder, rubbing his back soothingly. "You can talk to me. You know that, right? I know you're thinking about Xavier, and I think that's okay."

"Is it?" he asked, not because he thought it wasn't. There was nothing he could think to say at that moment; his words were still tangled up in his confused thoughts.

"Yeah." She turned her head to kiss his neck. "I think he's a part of us." She rested her free hand on her belly. "He's her big brother, and I'm not going to forget that. But he's also part of you, and I want to be here for you."

He leaned his head against hers, nuzzling her hair. "I'm okay," he said, and he was surprised to realize it was true. His chest ached and he missed his son, but he was beginning to think what he was feeling was normal grief. It wasn't as strong, wasn't as consuming. It didn't drown his excitement. This was what real life was-joy and pain clashing and intermingling.

Bella lay back on the bed, pulling him down with her. They shifted and moved until they were curled on their sides, facing each other, so close Bella's bump pressed against him, firm and real. He had a brief glimpse of the near future. It was so easy to imagine that in a few months, they would be lying together just like this with their baby warm and protected between them.

It was a good picture.

~0~

Edward had been about to hurry out the door to work when he got distracted by the sight of Bella in his bed. She was dreaming-he knew because she had kicked the hell out of the blankets, and she was uncovered except for the tangle of sheets around her feet. It didn't seem to be a bad dream, because she wasn't whimpering, and her features were untroubled.

It was just one of those moments that stopped him in his tracks. Her hair was wild on the pillow. She was facing his side of the bed, one hand out, making a tempting entreaty for him to come back and snuggle. But what really caught his attention was the sight of her bump.

She'd gone shopping with Alice and his mother for maternity wear, but she seemed to prefer wearing his old shirts. That was fine with Edward, but while they fit her top half just fine, her belly had outgrown them. As a result, it was nothing but bare taut skin above her pajama pants and below his bunched up shirt.

Edward sat on his side of the bed and lay down, careful not to wake her. He rested his arm lightly over her waist and pressed his ear to her belly.

"What do you think, baby girl?" he asked quietly. "You want to give daddy a goodbye kick?"

She probably was, like her mother, fast asleep, but that didn't stop Edward from hoping. He didn't mind. He was happy to spend a quiet moment with his sleeping baby, hoping she could feel him, safe as she was in her warm nest, and hoping she felt loved.

The baby didn't kick, but Bella's stomach moved. It growled so loudly, Edward felt the vibration. He caught a loud guffaw behind his hand. That was one that would have made Homer Simpson proud for sure.

After another minute, her stomach growled again, and Edward rested his head on the comforter, trying to smother his cackling. It must not have worked because he felt Bella shift, stirring. "Huh?" she asked.

Raising his head to meet her sleepy eyes, Edward put on a serious face. "Bella, I have bad news, love."

"Huh. What?"

Her stomach growled again, and Edward almost lost it. Instead of laughing, he turned to stare at her belly with a look of mock horror. "I don't think that's a baby you're carrying. I think it's a monster, and I think it's hungry. It may just devour you whole."

By the end of this, Bella was a lot more awake. He could tell by the interesting color of red her cheeks were turning. She hid her face with her hands. "Oh god."

"I don't know if God could save you now, but we can try. We better feed this thing. Fast. Before it thinks to make a meal of you and the rest of the town."

Bella took her hands away from her face and looked at him. "Don't you have to go to work?"

"Dammit, woman. Some things are more important than work. Didn't you hear what I said? It's possible all of Northern Arizona is at risk. We have to tame the beast now."

Bella groaned and hit him over the head with a pillow. "You, Edward Cullen, are the horrible monster, so if your spawn is a demon, you really shouldn't be surprised."

Laughing, Edward climbed his way up her body, warding off her deadly pillow. He wrested it from her, tossed it away, and kissed her in triumph. "Come on," he said with a smile. "Let's get you fed."

"Are you ditching work again?" Bella asked as she sat up, dangling her legs over the side of the bed. "Your boss is going to think I'm a bad influence."

"My boss is doing cartwheels at the idea he's not going to have to pay me a year's worth of vacation when I retire. Anyway, I'll go to work. After I make you breakfast.'

"Whoa," Bella said, attempting to get up but not quite making it. She huffed.

Edward's lips quirked, and he offered his hands. "Monster's getting big."

She let him pull her upright. "Oh, sure. The monster's getting big. Not like I'm a blimp or anything."

"Bella, you're tiny. If I'm looking at you from the back-and you know how much I like to look at you from the back-I can't even tell you're pregnant. Your center of balance is off. That's all." He held out her robe, helping her shrug it on.

"You're required to say that," Bella said, holding his hand as they wandered out into the hallway.

"Of course I'm required to say that. You have to keep the momma bear happy." His lip twitched. "Otherwise she might just rip your head off."

Bella tried to give him a dirty look, but she was too busy grinning at him for it to be effective. Looking like that-her hair still rumpled from sleep, her grin wide in spite of herself, and her eyes sparkling with humor-it occurred to Edward that she was gorgeous. At that moment, he felt nothing but lucky. She'd hit him like the wild fire that razed a section of dead forest, wreaking destruction but making way for fresh, new growth.

The person he'd once been had died with his son, taking all of what that life could have been with him. This new person he was becoming belonged to this woman. He was hers, and he was nothing but glad of that.

Edward stopped her at the top of the stairs, pulling her toward him so he could kiss her. It was a thorough kiss, and she sighed as she leaned against him. Her hands slipped under his shirt to press against his back, and Edward believed absolutely that she was just as happy as he was.

With Bella tight against him, he felt the gentle poke at his side. He broke their kiss with a chuckle, and rubbed his palm where their daughter was kicking. "She's impatient."

"She's a sweetheart. She knows her mommy is hungry, and she's trying to get you to get a move on." Bella pecked his lips once more and turned to go down the steps. "The real question is, did you remember to buy bacon? Because I-Agh!"

To Edward's everlasting horror, on the fourth step from the top, Bella caught the edge and tripped forward. He reached for her, but his hands only grasped thin air. It took only two or three seconds for her to tumble down the remaining stairs, but for those seconds, he was frozen. He could only watch as Bella hit the landing with a terrible cry of fright and pain.

His feet started moving first, but he couldn't even begin to think about what he should do. His mind was consumed, struck by a storm of images that made it impossible to function. He wanted to believe Bella and his baby were okay. Odds were that falling down the stairs wasn't life threatening, but he was too busy remembering taking his son to the doctor with a bad cold that became a terminal diagnosis. He remembered all the worst days-when Xavier was in too much pain, when he couldn't breathe. Those horrible days when Edward thought that was it. That was the end. It was there, and it was going to be awful and ugly. All of those heart-stopping moments hit him at once, and there were only three words in his head.

Please not again.

His feet propelled him down the stairs, and he dropped to his knees beside Bella's crumpled form. There he froze, rendered inert by a complete inability to cope with what was happening. There was no part of him that could do this, could face something like this. Bella was gasping as though she couldn't breathe, and Edward couldn't make himself move at all.

"Edward," Bella said between gasps. "Edward. Edward."

For her, because she needed him, Edward found he was able to function again. He drew in a sharp breath and leaned over her, running his hand along her side. "I'm here. I'm right here, honey. Talk to me. I need you to tell me what hurts."

Her eyes were closed, her skin pinched with effort. "Don't let him hurt me," she said, sounding desperate as she wheezed. "Edward. Please."

That caught Edward's attention, and his hands stopped in their tracks. What… "Bella, open your eyes."

She whimpered, but she obeyed. Her eyes were unfocused. Not cloudy with pain, just unfocused. "Don't let him hurt me. Don't let him near me. Please, Edward. Please."

It took him another heartbeat to figure out she was caught in a flashback. Of course she was. This was the second time in her life she'd fallen down the stairs, and it must have triggered her memories of the first time. She probably thought, somewhere in her frightened mind, that Mike was here, that he'd pushed her again, and he was free to threaten her.

Edward cupped her cheek, simultaneously checking her head for bumps. "Bella, look at me. Look at me. Look at me, and listen."

She was still breathing too hard, close to hyperventilation, but she blinked sporadically at his words.

Close enough. "Bella, Mike isn't here. Do you hear me? There's no one here but you and me, and I promise he's never going to hurt you. Never again." Carefully-he didn't think her neck was affected-he turned her face toward him. "Right now, I need you talk to me. Tell where you hurt. I need to know if I can lift you so we can get out of here."

After a few seconds that seemed to stretch into an eon, Bella's eyes focused on him. "Edward?"

"It's just me." He smoothed her hair back. "Are you having any sharp pains? Is anything broken?"

She shook her head. Her breath was beginning to slow. "No. Nothing sharp." Her eyes went wide. "Edward, the baby. Our baby."

"It's going to be fine. We're going to get to the hospital. Can you hold on to me? I'm going to lift you, okay?"

"Okay." She wrapped her arms around his neck, and when he lifted her up into his arms, she tucked her head against his chest.

All in all, less than three minutes had passed from the time she fell to the time he sped off. He'd settled her in the backseat, because it seemed to make sense to him that she should be lying down. He hadn't had the time to get his phone or he would have been calling his father.

God, he hoped he had done the right thing moving her. If he'd made it worse…

"Where's Mike?" Bella asked in a small voice that broke his heart.

She sounded more with it, slightly more lucid, but obviously still confused. "He's not here. It was an accident, Bella." Edward reached back, and she took his hand, clinging. "It was just an accident. No one's going to hurt you."

For another minute she just breathed. "It's too soon," he heard her whisper.

He squeezed her hand, counting the number of streets until they were there. At thirty-three weeks, he knew even the worst case scenario didn't mean his baby was going to die, but it was hard to convince his heart of that. "It's going to be okay, and I'm not going to leave you, all right? I'm going to be right here with you."

~0~

After.

After the tests and an ultrasound. After the flurry of nurses and doctors. After waiting endlessly, holding Bella's hand in L&D. After the doctors finally said the words Edward had been waiting for-the baby was fine, still snug where she was with no intentions of leaving anytime soon and Bella was only bruised. After he saw Bella settled safe and sleeping -the doctor was keeping her for observation as a precaution. Only after all that did Edward let Bella out of his sight. He told her he'd be right back, and he stumbled into the hallway, into his parents' arms where he finally, finally broke down.

He cried and shook with residual terror, knowing how easy it would have been for him to lose it all. He cried because it had been so easy to imagine this going another way. The thought of it alone made him breathless before. Coming so close to actually having to live through it was agony.

When he'd calmed again, still clinging to his mother like a child, she petted his hair and said, "I'm proud of you."

"What for?" he asked, sniffling. He felt wretched and ashamed-nothing to be proud of.

"Sweetheart, don't you realize? You shut down your whole life rather than face the possibility of losing another child. You faced your greatest fear today, and look at you."

Edward shook his head, straightening up and wiping away tears. "The only reason I'm not still curled in a ball on the floor is because Bella needed me."

Carlisle squeezed his shoulder. "And you were strong enough to help her. Give yourself credit, son. It's been a long road here."

"You're giving me too much credit," Edward said, too drained to be as angry as he wanted. His shoulders slumped. "I wanted to die. When I saw her fall, saw her lying there and knew she could lose the baby, I wanted to die. I'd rather die than watch it happen all over again." He huffed. "I hate hospitals."

"Think, Edward," his mother said with a smile. "The next time you're here, you'll get to meet your daughter."

In spite of his worry and fear, Edward smiled.

Hope hurt sometimes, but it burned brighter and hotter than ever in him.

A/N: My docs were INSANE this chapter! I love it. Packy had me cackling at work. Oh well. They already think I'm insane.

So many thanks to GinnyW, Packy 2.0, Songster, MyOnlyHeroin, Eleanor, and JessyPt. These gals, man. I love them so much.

Quick personal note. I want to thank all of you who have supported me in my ofic career. :) For those of you who don't know, I released my third book last month, Finding Purgatory.

For those of you who have read, I just would like to ask you to consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Reviews, especially on Amazon, do matter, and I would greatly appreciate it.

If you're interested in my books, links are in my profile!

Thanks again for all your love and support. See you soon. :)