-Chapter Twenty Five: Irreversible -

*

-Jasper-

Desire, above all else in humans, rules. Even above love and self sacrifice, which they like to pretend are instinctive, desire is the ruling element of human emotion. They desire to live, to live well and to live with the one they love. Desire drives them to break apart lives in search of imaginary perfection.

And this governing passion was not only limited to humans. I was ruled by it, we were all ruled by it deep down, though through our immortality we could aspire to greater heights of morality. Desire controlled me always, to some extent.

Desire controlled us all.

Were I human, my hands would have been shaking. I would have been freezing cold, shivering and sweating. I would have been sick; screaming at the people that I loved because my body was craving something so badly that it made me unrecognisable.

As it was, I wasn't human; therefore I was able to control all of this and exhibit nothing that would indicate my internal struggle.

The huger, thirst…whatever it could be called; bloodlust seemed the most accurate, it was calling out to me. Wrenching through my body in such an uncomfortable way that it took all my self control just to stand still.

I looked, in search of a distraction, towards Rosalie and Alice who were sitting on the sofa together, speaking in low tones. I knew what they were saying, if only because of the way their emotions were shaped.

Bella Swan was clearly the topic of that conversation.

I stayed away from it, not wanting to be drawn into yet another endless debate about the girl who - with her overwhelmingly alluring blood - had sent shockwaves through our family, the effects of which we were still feeling.

Though I was attempting neutrality while this mess was sorted out, I knew very firmly where I stood. Rosalie and I (and Emmett by obligation) were staunchly in favour of killing the girl.

I knew why Edward had kept his distance from me in the last few days. A number of reasons I imagined, but none of them more prevalent than his obvious desire for me not to detect the nature of his feelings about the girl.

Which was ridiculous, because they couldn't have been more obvious.

And again I felt a swell of sympathy for Rosalie. Over forty years I had witnessed and assisted them in going about their various acts of desperate treachery. At first I had been reluctant; Emmett was my brother, I'd never met someone so genuinely kind as he was and it hurt me to assist in such a betrayal. I'd still helped them of course, and in return eighty two humans had lost their lives to me over the course of these years. All of them filth. The very worst kind of criminal. I made sure to tell Rosalie this occasionally because she would smile and tell me with her eyes that if those were the kinds of people I was killing, then I was doing the world a service. And I liked it when she said that. Rosalie had a way of making guilt vanish as if it were nothing but a bad dream. I could understand, in many ways, what drew Edward to her and what kept him there through all the insanity.

I had not fed from a human in eleven months now and I was feeling the full weight of it. My body longed for the warm, sweet oblivion that human blood would generate. I was imagining it all the time, dreaming about when I could next arrange it so that I could do the world another 'service' and service my own needs neatly in the process. Though it wasn't neat at all…in fact, it was decidedly messy. Not the best way for a human to die and I did nothing to speed up his journey along the way.

I suppressed a shudder just thinking about it. My fingertips were itching to tear through unworthy flesh, my lips were dry and parched imagining the blood I could drown myself in. My throat was volcanically hot; scorching and aching. How unfortunate that I couldn't control my own feelings, even if I could hide them very well.

Rosalie was angry, but only externally. Strange. I didn't think I would ever understand the machinations of what occurred and maintained between Rosalie and Edward. So complex and unpredictable were their emotions and actions that I had resigned myself to never comprehending it and never knowing the nature of it…although I fully believed in it's authenticity. Forty years had taught me much, and I knew with concrete certainty that what lay between them was completely real. It existed, it controlled them and it was merciless. It didn't care about Emmett or our family or even their own feelings sometimes. In that respect, I admired them. They were able to hold it off for long periods of time - at great cost to themselves and their happiness. I wasn't sure if I would be able to resist something that demanded indulgence every moment they were near or even far from one another.

In fact, feeling another wave of unstoppable desire pounding over me, I was certain that I couldn't. Self control was something I had mastered to a specific extent, but it could go no further than that. I had to feed sometime in the next month. It was as simple as that.

I watched Rosalie's mock anger - concealing something much worse, much darker - and I watched as Alice tried to make her understand what a lovely person Bella Swan was. How kind and generous, sweet and fragile she was. I refrained from snorting with laughter. There wasn't a single person on the planet who could ever convince Rosalie Hale that Bella Swan was worth anything, including her own time and energy.

Rosalie shrugged elegantly, sweeping her hair back. Alice had said something about Edward and it had upset her. I knew this by the taste of her emotions. She had a very specific 'flavour' of sorts, when it came to Edward. I imagined it to be a taste in her mouth, or a colour floating before her eyes. To me it resonated like a essence or texture, not only in my mind but in my senses. Either way, it was easily distinguishable from her other emotions. The conversation would end soon; Rosalie's eyes would become shuttered and closed and Alice would give up, saving it for another time when Rosalie was more receptive to her attempts.

As she stood up from the sofa, Alice took her hand and said something so quietly that I wondered if Rosalie had even heard it. But judging from the way her lips tightened and her emotions spiked I knew it had been something personal and something about Edward. That familiar taste; I knew it well.

"If you think that, then you don't know him," Rosalie replied, detaching herself from Alice and leaving the room.

Alice sighed and put her legs up on the sofa so she was lying flat out on it. I wished I could draw, so I could forever capture her looking like that in charcoal shades. She was so beautiful…so captivating.

"Don't stand there in the shadows, Jazz," she sighed.

I smiled, wondering how long she'd know I had been standing behind the door, looking through the cracks like a curious child after bedtime. "Hey," I said softly, touching her hair lightly as I passed, to sit at her feet on the end of the sofa. "Y'know, it's a shame you can't draw yourself." Alice was very good at drawing, talented in all areas of art, in fact. I was a little more withdrawn from artistic expression than the others. Emmett and I were more content to witness the beauty that our partners created, rather than create our own. And Edward, well Edward played the piano for his own reasons, each one of them confusing and heartbreaking at the same time.

She shrugged and opened her eyes. "Did Emmett find you yet?"

"Hmmm?"

"Emmett. He's looking for you, I think. Or will be. I'm not sure because he's not sure. He might not go through with it, actually. Oh no wait…he's definitely going to. Later. He'll talk to you later."

"About?"

She frowned a little. "I'm not sure. His mind is a bit of a mess right now. Something about Rosalie, I think, but I don't want to pry. He'll be looking for you in about an hour. Be nice."

"Of course."

"Have you spoken to Edward?" she asked, sitting upright and pulling me down onto the Italian silk sofa with her.

"About?"

"Anything. He's being very closed off lately. I just wondered if you'd talked."

"Not about anything more substantial than hunting and school."

"School?"

"He asked me to stay away from Bella, that's all."

She nodded, her eyes clouded over with concern. "It's all so screwed up."

"I know." I didn't try to reassure her, she didn't like that and it was useless anyway. Alice saw the catastrophe's before any of us. "Any change?"

"No," she said with frustration. "He's determined to stick to his stupid plan. Staying well away from her, ignoring her. He's just being obstinate now - pain for pain's sake."

"He does have masochistic leanings," I pointed out.

"This is different. He's keeping something at bay for reasons that I don't understand. I genuinely don't think he would kill her now, unless she opens up a vein in front of him or something, and he knows he's not strong enough to leave her. So why do this?"

I knew why he was doing it. I knew the reasoning behind Edward's decision to stay away from that girl.

Rosalie.

Upon returning from their little 'trip' together, Edward's determination that he shouldn't be a part of Bella's life had turned to absolute stone. There was no room for debate on the subject; he was adamant about it.

And the connection between them was strengthened to an extent I hadn't sensed in years. He was still slightly dizzy with it, as was she. But more than that…he was grateful. Grateful for something other than the blissful intimacy which I could sense all around them; the afterglow of their lovemaking. No, he was grateful to her for something more significant - more central, almost as if she had saved him from something. And so this gratitude wasted no time in becoming debt.

He couldn't do it to Rosalie, even though it was selfish and unreasonable for her to even consider it…he couldn't do it to her. So he was keeping his distance.

This I completely understood, if nothing else about their mercurial and potentially destructive relationship. Rosalie was all Edward knew about love. In that world, she was his Goddess - his ruler, his lover…himself, to a certain extent. I would watch them sometimes; outwardly, their exterior coldness was flawless but because of my perception, I could feel what they felt when they said such carelessly cutting things to one another. It was oddly perverse to witness them do this; like scribbling ugly words on something beautiful…I didn't know how they could bear it. They were so wrapped up in each other; so completely and hopelessly intertwined that I didn't see how they would ever be able to detach themselves and live separately.

But they did it. Every single day I watched them do it and I marvelled at their self control, knowing full well that if I felt such compulsion, I wouldn't even try to refrain. Not when it was so…helplessly present and within reach every moment of their lives. No wonder Rosalie and Emmett sometimes lived away from the rest of us.

And to some degree, I didn't understand why they bothered trying to fight it. The power and command of what was between them was tireless; it reigned over them every moment of their existence, only with great exertion were they able to distract themselves enough to feel something different. Sometimes I wondered, while trying not think about what I had to endure as I sat in the same room as them, why they didn't just give in and admit it. As much as Rosalie loved Emmett - and it was pretty damned substantial for her to live through what she did and try to protect him - I knew it just did not compare to what was between her and Edward. What they felt for one another…what they were compelled to feel…what they had maybe always felt…it was unlike anything I had ever known.

They were both stronger than me. Stronger than anyone suspected, I imagined.

I chuckled to myself, thinking how lucky I was that I had to bear witness to such dramatic, Shakespearian affairs. I wasn't a big fan of drama, or any theatrics for that matter, yet I had front row seats to the greatest tragic love affair of all time.

"What's funny?" Alice asked me, curiously.

I shook my head, momentarily forgetting she was there. Such were the extreme circumstances - able to make me forget Alice, albeit only momentarily.

"The situation," I said, knowing better than to try and say 'nothing'. "Everything."

Alice smiled. "I never thought I'd see Rosalie jealous over anyone."

"You think she's jealous?" I queried with careful interest. "Jealous of Bella?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It's obvious, don't you think? I mean sure, she's protective of her family and no-one who knew her would deny that."

"But?"

"But she's known Edward for so long, they were alone together at first. Before Emmett, it was just the four of them. Sometimes I think they're closer than they pretend to be."

There was no cunning in her choice of words; simple observation. Yet it threw me a little. I had underestimated Alice's perception, yet again.

I pretended to look doubtful. "Really?"

"It's little things," she said, playing with a strand of cotton she had found on the sofa and twining it through her fingers. "The constant bickering, the indifference, the formality. Mostly it makes sense, but sometimes it makes a little too much sense. Like they're keeping up appearances or something."

"You can't seriously believe that."

She looked at me, her golden eyes suddenly so piercing. "You tell me, you're the one who can sense emotions."

I knew she didn't really have any conviction in her mild accusations so I knew I wouldn't be caught in the lie, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt to have to lie outright to the person I loved most in the world.

"Then let me tell you, it's all pretty much genuine."

She shrugged, letting my gaze drop. "Maybe it wasn't always like it, though."

God, would she never desist with this? Too damned observant for her own good.

"Oh come on, Al. I highly doubt it."

The piercing gaze was back again. "Rosalie isn't really like that, you know. She's not vain, really. She's not shallow or self involved. Arrogant, yes. Proud, yes. But her other so called 'vices' barely even exist. Don't you think it's strange how all the reasons Edward has to dislike her, revolve around such flaws that I have come to realise are mostly fabricated?"

"Meaning?"

She looked a little frustrated now that I wasn't following her entirely accurate thread of conclusions. "Meaning that I think they pretend not to like each other, because they're hiding something that happened a long time ago."

"Very cloak and dagger, even for you."

"Maybe. But there is definitely more to all this than Rosalie being concerned about her family's wellbeing."

I smiled and shook my head. "Far be it from me to deny you any means of entertainment, my love." I kissed her hand and she rolled her eyes.

"That means you don't believe me, but don't want to verbally disagree."

"I think, regardless of how accurate you might or might not be, it's not our business. Whatever happened years ago before she was with Emmett, before we even knew anything about them…it's not for us to go delving into."

"Always the moral guardian," she sighed, as if I were a strict parent spoiling her fun.

I couldn't help myself. "Hardly," I grimaced.

"Don't be silly, Jazz," she said, running the back of her hand gently down my face. "You haven't killed a single human in over forty years now. That's all behind you, the same as it is for Emmett or Edward."

I closed my eyes, trying to lose myself in the pleasure of her touch and not think about what she had just said. "Mmm-hmmm."

She kissed me on the lips; not something Alice did very often when we weren't hidden away in our room or, occasionally, part of the house. We were a deeply private, much more subtle 'couple' than Rosalie and Emmett. But then that wasn't difficult to achieve. Apart from being very tactile around everyone else, they were also extremely expressive. I had heard, without meaning or wanting to, exceedingly vocal expressions of their love. Everyone had heard them, at some time or another and while it was little more than a mildly embarrassing joke to us, I didn't have to imagine how excruciating it must have been for Edward to endure.

Yet he sat through it, rolled his eyes and shook his head, grinning exasperatedly along with all of us and later on he would make the same jokes we did, teasing them playfully for their flagrance.

Alice wasn't like that and nor was I, but when we were alone things were different. She curled her slim fingers around my neck, pulling me a little closer. I smiled against her lips, savouring the rarity of such a moment. Ordinarily, this would never occur in such a public area, but I could feel by the shape and temperature of her thoughts that her reasons behind this had been prompted by the recent occurrences in our family.

"Mmmm," I hummed, planting smaller, briefer kisses on the corner of her mouth, her cheeks, her jawbone.

"Show me," she whispered, so low I wouldn't have caught it were it not for the vibrations against my lips.

I paused, lifting my eyes to hers. If kissing in a place where someone could walk in was rare, then what she was asking me to do was almost a non-occurrence. Another side effect of the turbulence our group was currently enduring, I guessed.

"Really?"

She nodded, smiled and recapturing my lips with hers.

Very gently, I allowed my gift to do exactly what it always wanted to do when I could be this close to her. It opened up and shared exactly what I was feeling, letting Alice experience everything that she made me feel. Normally, Alice liked to be in complete control of her own feelings and had an unspoken rule about my gift never touching her. There were very infrequent exceptions to this rule; today was one of them.

She gasped a little, a shuddering tremble sent down her spine. I caught her bottom lip with my teeth and fought to control myself; we were, after all, kissing and now embracing in the middle of a commonly utilized living room.

"Jazz," she murmured. "Jazz."

I thought for one blissful moment that she was saying my name in the throes of rapture. Reality was hard on my heels though, and the loss of contact awoke me sharply.

"Sorry," she said, kissing me in a we'll-continue-this-later sort of way. "Emmett changed his mind. He's coming now."

I shrugged, managing to reign myself in reasonably well. considering. If only I could control myself with equal proficiency in other areas.

"Alright," I said, kissing her hand before I stood up. "Yes, I know. Be nice."

She caught my eyes and told me, in that special way of ours, that she loved me. I told her silently in return that she could never love me half as much as I adored her.

I decided to meet Emmett halfway, rather than letting him find me with Alice; I could sense he was coming from upstairs, to I waited at the banister for him.

Before he even reached the top step, I knew something was wrong.

Emmett was the one person in our family, including Esme and Carlisle, who never succumbed to fits of depression, sadness or dejection. The others all experienced their own measures of such despondency from time to time and whether they told anyone or not, I obviously knew about it. I didn't even think of it as strange anymore. It was just a part of who I was; no different than acquiring immortal strength and bloodlust. Just something else to adjust to.

But any amount of darkness or sadness from Emmett? Unprecedented. He was eternally optimistic, such optimism perpetuated by his Rosalie.

So when I felt, for maybe the first time ever, such concern and unhappiness radiating from him, I immediately climbed the stairs to meet him.

Without preamble I said "What's wrong?"

He looked so strange; shaken up, fraught with some unnamed worry. His eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. He shook his head wordlessly, indicating to the front door downstairs.

"OK," I said, and we headed outside, leaving the house and everyone else behind. In the cool night air, surrounded by darkness and silence, I turned back to him. "What's wrong?" I asked again.

He had his hand over his mouth and I didn't think I'd ever been so afraid for him in all the time I had known him. I sent out waves of calm and he relaxed a little. I continued to do so until he nodded, took a deep breath and spoke.

"You'd tell me, right?"

I glanced around, wondering for one very stupid moment if he was actually talking to me. I had a vague idea now of what the underlying cause of his distress was.

"Tell you what, Em?"

He shot me a look. "Don't patronise me."

I crossed my arms, desperately wondering what the hell had happened to cause this. "Alright. But you're still going to have let me in on whatever it is."

"If anything was….wrong, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

His voice was tight, as if his throat was constricted. "Of course," I lied flawlessly. I hated lying to him, almost as much as I despised myself for lying to Alice. "Care to fill me in on the latest atrocity?"

He shook his head, seeming to doubt himself. "I…I can't explain it."

This was bad. "Try," I pressed on firmly. I came closer to him, irrationally terrified that someone else would hear us. "Come on. Tell me. Maybe I can help."

"No. I don't think I'm even…it's nothing…God, I don't know. I think I'm losing my mind or something."

Tentatively, I put my hand on his shoulder and he closed his eyes upon contact. "You? You're the only around here who's remotely normal. Come on, man - you can't let me down. You're the only person who doesn't give me a headache."

He cracked an unwilling smile and I pressed on, trying to keep him focused on smiling instead of following his heart to more logical conclusions. Why was everyone so perceptive lately?

"If you go over to the dark side, I'll be on my own in the land of the sane. What's this about, huh? Feeling left out of all the drama?"

He opened his eyes and smiled again; most of the tension was leaving him, but still something cold and unwanted plagued his feelings. He couldn't shake it off.

"Jasper," he said. "Just tell me, please don't lie to me, OK?"

"Fine, but tell you what?"

He took a shaky breath and used the exhalation to get it out of him. "Rosalie. It's Rosalie."

I couldn't recall the last time he had used her full name; another bad sign.

"Right, what about her?"

He held my stare now, watching me with uncanny intensity. Checking to see if I was lying, perhaps. "I think there's something….wrong."

"With Rosalie? Like she's…lost it or something?"

His eyes narrowed. "No. Not like that."

I sighed, pretending very plausibly to be frustrated. "Oh come on! Spit it out!"

"Rosalie and Edward," he said quietly, watching me the whole time. "If there was something…happening, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

I had never wanted to feed from a human so much in my entire existence. The stress of keeping myself completely calm was such a physical drain on me that I must have turned transparent with the effort. "Oh Christ, Emmett!" I exclaimed, rolling my eyes. "That's it? What the hell? I thought it was something serious. Good God, where have you been? Of course there's something happening! They hate one another, they're probably going to coordinate some sort of vampire Battle Royale!"

His expression didn't alter, but his feelings were a little lighter. "I know about that. I mean something…else."

I couldn't feign ignorance any longer; he knew somewhat the extent of my sensory perception. "You think they're…what? Involved?"

He winced a little, just hearing it. "No," he said slowly. "But…there's something between them lately and it doesn't feel like hatred. And there's…other things too."

I shook my head, as if the very idea was offensive to me. "Like?"

"Like the fact that you and Alice both covered for them when they went to the ocean," he said with a hard edge.

I hadn't been prepared for that, nor for the resentment in it. "So? You wanted them to scream and fight in front of Esme?"

"Why did you try and hide it?"

"Because you would have gotten involved and it was better if they worked it out themselves."

"Worked what out?"

"This ridiculous 'Bella' issue, of course."

"And that's why they came back like they did? He was all over her, I could smell it."

"Well that's what happens when they fight. They can be vicious, you should know that."

"I know, but it's something….she said something today and now I can't shake this feeling like I haven't really been paying enough attention to something and…" he trailed off, his face crumbling and shoulders dropping. He grabbed at his hair, the frustration clearly eating away at him. "And I feel so guilty for even thinking it but I can't shake it, no matter what I do!"

There was massive doubt in his theory; this was good, it made the whole thing easer. His desperation to be proven wrong was what would provide me with the key to undoing his conjecture.

"Alright, calm down," I implored. "Tell me what she said."

He hissed at himself, his eyes so abnormally hollow and dark. "I'm a terrible person, a terrible husband. Jesus, look at me! Pathetic!"

"Hardly," I said straight away. "Look, I can tell you that I've never sensed anything between them other than indifference, annoyance and occasionally dislike. Wouldn't I be able to sense it if they were…doing something like that?"

He nodded minutely, and I knew this battle was almost done. He would be quick to accept my completely false reassurances now. I understood; Rosalie was his life. Simple as that.

"And you're not lying?"

"No."

His acknowledgment of my lie had an instantaneous effect on his whole emotional system. Everything relaxed - the tension he was holding unfurled. His relief was nothing compared to mine.

"OK," he said, shakily. "OK. I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to put you in such a weird situation. I just…God, y'know it's so messed up right now and everyone's so tense. Sorry."

I had to force myself to smile and accept his apology. "No problem."

Without warning, he yanked me into a very strong hug, letting me go after a second or so. He playfully jabbed my jaw with his right knuckle; something that would have broken the jawbone of a human.

Before we went back into the house, I had to ask.

"Hey, just out of interest; what did Rosalie say that made you think…y'know?"

He paused, conflicted about whether or not he should tell me now. But he trusted me; he trusted us all.

"It wasn't anything she said, actually," he explained quietly. "It was her face. She was sitting with her back to me, facing away. She thought I couldn't see her, but I could…there was a little mirror on the right. We were talking, I said something to her. Told her….how much I loved her, how she made me feel." He paused, the memory of whatever had shaken him was still fresh in his mind. "Her face…it looked like she was about to cry, but when she spoke her voice was completely different. It was totally normal."

"And that was enough to make you think they were having an affair?"

He shrugged. "I guess. When I put it with some other stuff, it seemed to make a sick kind of sense. They knew each other before me, they're so….cold. Sometimes it's like it doesn't fit. But you're right. I was just feeling left out of the crazy group."

He smiled at me; that same, bright smile that I had never been so happy to see in all the time I had known him and come to regard him as my brother.

"Well trust me," I said with a grin. "You're not missing out on anything. The world needs some sane vampires as well as insane ones."

And that statement, when applied to our current household, could not have been any more accurate.

Two days later, we were back in the cafeteria once more. All together, all laughing and speaking. Separate from the other children, as always but not for the solitary, antisocial reasons they supposed. For their own safety, of course. If one more young child walked past me too close, I was going to seriously lose all control that I had managed to scrape together in these last few days.

Beside me, Alice nudged me gently. I rolled my eyes and continued the conversation with Emmett, who had been very friendly with me since the disturbingly close call two nights ago. I knew he felt guilty about involving me, about questioning my very questionable loyalty. Emmett was the kind of person who would feel guilty about that for years; it would bother him that he hadn't trusted his family or Rosalie enough to see past his wild, albeit very accurate, suspicions.

Bella Swan sat a few tables away from us, glancing over at Edward every now and then, fleetingly. He was ignoring her as best he could, while he spoke to Alice and - oddly enough - Rosalie.

This was another thing that had come about in the past two days. As if by some strange coincidence, Rosalie and Edward seemed to have formed an amiable, if very formal, truce about the 'Bella' issue. They actually spoke to one another now; sometimes they even laughed. I knew, without even having to consult my gift, that this was because Edward had sensed the others' suspicions. Now he and Rosalie were acting like completely normal siblings, though they still teased and mocked one another. The temperature of their relationship had warmed ever so slightly. Though there was still blatant disapproval and distance between them; it was more genial.

I wasn't convinced of the wisdom of such a plan, but it seemed to be working. Alice and Emmett had no more feelings of suspicion or scepticism concerning the relationship between them. For now, it seemed, they had managed to quell the rising uncertainties circulating around their cold, vicious attitude towards one another.

"We'd be bankrupt if it weren't for Alice," Edward said, picking apart a croissant, only to let the pieces drop back down on his otherwise empty plate. I didn't even bother trying to make it seem like I was eating. I was rarely concerned myself with such charades; not when the others did a good enough job for me. I hated the smell of their food on my fingers. It made me feel slightly ill. "Without her, you'd be content to spend all our money on clothes!"

Rosalie snorted and tossed her hair. "Armani do not make clothes!" she said. "They make stunning pieces of art that you can wear, in exchange for substantial amounts of money."

Edward flicked a small piece of buttery croissant at her white Gilles Rosier blazer, which bounced off harmlessly. She glared at him.

"Humans have died for less."

"Good thing I left that title eighty seven years in the past, then."

"Along with your fashion and style sense."

"Hey babe," Emmett cut in, sensing my distance from our current conversation and that the attention was diverted elsewhere, towards the other three. "What's going on? Do I need to defend your honour?"

"Edward is saying I spend too much money on clothes," Rosalie told her husband.

"Ah, well I have to agree with him there. Personally, I think you'd look much better if you just went without clothes completely," Emmett said mischievously. Rosalie pretended to look outraged and smacked his shoulder.

Everyone laughed, including myself. There was a natural easiness in this playful bantering that I had never seen when we were all in a group. Anytime Edward and Rosalie bantered, there was always some underlying truth to the dulled edges of their insults. This wasn't the same; a glimpse of how they would be together if things were different, perhaps.

The girl was looking over again; confused longing was her main stream of thought. How strange, to understand someone better than Edward did. Even stranger for it to be the person we were all trying to pretend didn't exist - Edward especially.

Of course, Edward read my mind a second later and knew exactly what she felt. I sensed him trying to ignore it, try to keep his mind on his family.

I still hadn't had a chance to speak with them after two nights ago and it was starting to irritate me now. Though he knew exactly what I thought about the situation, it wasn't the same as being able to have a conversation with him about it. It wasn't as though anyone outside the 'circle' could detect anything was wrong. Until two nights ago, no-one had even considered the possibility that anything untoward was occurring between the two siblings. Rosalie and Edward, for all their shortcomings and flaws, were nothing if not brilliant liars.

Rosalie was probably the best when it came to deception. Though I was proficient, and Edward was masterful - we were nothing compared to her sheer level of aptitude. She could tell a lie so well that even I struggled to distinguish it from truth. I supposed she had the most to lose from the truth coming out, so she had become the best liar. Maybe she was just naturally talented though - something from her past perhaps. Something she had been forced to learn.

I returned to the scene we were effortlessly creating. Happy, normal siblings having lunch together. We must have looked beautiful, smiling and laughing. I noticed some people staring without meaning to, their jealousy rising steadily until they forced themselves to look away.

"Are we hunting tonight?" I asked when the laughter died down. Edward glanced at me and then at Alice. Rosalie pulled apart an apple, making it look like she had bitten into it while Emmett looked at me with brotherly concern.

"Should we?" he asked.

I nodded tersely, trying not to think about how much I wanted to rip into the throat of a young boy sitting a dangerous ten feet from us. His skin, his blood…it was intoxicating. Completely random; the boy was somewhat geeky, glasses falling off the end of his nose as he tried to get lost in his own personal copy of Stephen King's 'It'.

"No problem," Alice said, running her hand up and down my back gently. "We can all go if you want."

I sighed through gritted teeth at her kindness. Edward spoke for me, voicing my irritation with much more etiquette than my raw mind had managed.

"I don't think he needs all of us to go," he pointed out. "Just one or two of us."

Emmett nodded understandingly. "Me and Edward, then."

Alice and Rosalie looked deeply annoyed. "Why?" they both asked in unison.

Emmett flustered for a moment, not having thought through the repercussions of his assumption. "Well, eh…because it's…y'know. Safer?"

"Pardon?" his wife asked coldly. "Just what exactly are you implying?"

He gulped. "Uhh…nothing?" he tried.

"I think he's trying to say," Alice put in. "That we 'little girls' should stay behind and make blueberry pies."

I couldn't help but smile now. It was funny to see Emmett trying to wade through the diplomatic minefield of feminism.

"No!" he denied. "Just that…well babe, come on. You know I'm the strongest. And Edward can read his mind. We're really the best ones for making sure nothing bad happens."

"Oh really? What about someone who can see the future?" Rosalie snapped. "What about that? How does all your manly strength compare to that?"

Emmett decided to give up while he still could. "Doesn't," he conceded sulkily.

"Exactly. So Alice and Edward should go. Your amazing strength can be more usefully utilized at home with me."

He looked hopeful for a moment. Edward bit down a laugh. "Yeah?"

"Yes. You can help me break through the wall of the next room in preparation for the new wardrobe."

Everyone laughed again, while Emmett shrugged and resigned himself to his fate. Again, the pleasant normalcy of such interactions was strange. I could feel myself being drawn into it, almost forgetting that it was all part of Edward and Rosalie's determination to be normal siblings.

"Is that OK with you then?" Alice asked me. I smiled and nodded, as the bell rang. We didn't rise immediately, letting most of the other students leave the hall before us. I didn't particularly want to stand surrounded by students crowding to get out of two narrow double doors.

The girl walked out as well; I felt Edward stiffen slightly, trying to pretend that he hadn't noticed. Rosalie tried to maintain that she hadn't noticed him do this and that she didn't care anyway. The knock on effect of something so simple was startling.

They could pretend to be normal all they wanted, but it was futile. Soon enough this situation was going to come to a head and when it did, I could only shudder to think of the consequences.

-Rosalie-

The mythology of our existence, I knew, was shrouded in bloodshed and evil. Vampires - as I so rarely thought of my kin - were renowned to be vicious, bloodthirsty creatures, sleeping in darkness, dreaming of gore and violence. No-one ever thinks of the moments in between. No-one considers granting personalities to such a variety of evil. Who imagines such creatures watching TV or playing chess? Shopping for clothes or washing their hair?

I came to the conclusion years ago that it must be easier for humanity to dismiss our existence completely, though there were steady streams of reliable sightings and evidence throughout history. A strategy that would only be aided by the idea that we were mindless killing machines.

Surely, I pondered to myself as I removed my clothes later that night, it would be easier to label us as imagination, because a rational part of them knows that no thing on their planet is all evil. Some part of them knows that everything has a balance. Because they cannot imagine us as creatures capable of blending into society; beings who have other wishes and desires besides blood and death…they know that we do not exist. We are unbalanced, extreme figments of their imagination. Nothing more.

The human mind was a strange thing indeed. The power of denial in the face of obvious truths…a peculiar method of self preservation.

A pair of strong, warm hands reached around my waist and his chest pressed into my back, his chin resting on my shoulder. I smiled and put my hands on his, letting my eyes close and some of the tension melt away from my muscles.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice low and rough; how it was when we were alone.

"Hey."

My beautiful Emmett; my husband, my lover, my true love. I could have written endless music, incessant poetry, infinite literature about how much I loved him. Such wonderful, tangible love; strong walls and touchable warmth, visible devotion and obvious adoration. The skin of my being; everything on the outside.

The inside, of course, belonged to someone else, though I tried not to think about that.

"Did you really want me to help you knock through the wall?"

I laughed. "No. But I think we could manage to do it anyway."

His chuckle vibrated through my back, across my ribcage where it resonated in my heart. He nuzzled my neck, arms tightening around me.

"I love you," he muttered as his face pressed into the skin of my neck. "I love you so much."

"I love you," I replied, letting my head fall back a little. "More than you'll ever know."

He paused, mid kiss and very slowly withdrew. Concerned by the loss of contact, I turned to face him, wearing nothing but underwear and my hair, reaching down to the small of my back. "What?"

He looked down, away from me. I put my hand under his chin and made him look. Shame and guilt clouded his warm, deep eyes, colouring them faded topaz instead of their normal gold. My heart wrenched painfully and I wondered what he was going to say. I knew, via Edward, of his suspicions and consequently his shame for even entertaining such thoughts. Another reason to hate myself, I supposed.

"I want…" he started, but seemed to lose confidence.

Decidedly, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and stood there with him, looking into the eyes I loved and knew so well. "You can have whatever you want, baby. You know that."

He shook his head, trying to avoid my gaze again but I didn't let him. Instead I moved my face and caught his mouth with my own. For a moment, nothing happened. I thought he wasn't going to react. Then his arms came up, enclosing me in the small space between us.

When we could be like this, even though something was wrong and we were postponing talking about it by kissing, it was so perfect. We were perfect…no-one in the world compared to Emmett, not when he was spinning me in his arms on the spot, lifting me up effortlessly and twirling me in a loving haze.

Of course, that unstoppable voice in my head reminded me. There's someone else who actually is the whole world.

But I tried to shut that out, because Emmett was in pain. He needed me and I was all too ready to give him whatever was necessary to make it stop.

"Darling," I said, breaking away from his warm, compelling kisses. "Tell me. Come on, tell me."

Unwillingly, he stopped. "I think," he said slowly. "We should talk."

I managed not to overreact at that, though it twisted my heart. "Alright."

He took my hands in his, holding them tight. "I want you to tell me everything about the night you died."

I blinked in shock. Certainly not what I had been expecting. "What? Why?"

"Because," he said, with a new rush of determination. "I never let you talk to me about it. I'm ready now. I can take it now."

I saw my face reflected in his eyes; pity, confusion, sorrow, hesitation and absolute, unreserved love.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want there to be anything about you that I don't know. Anything that I'm not a part of. Even though it's bad and….horrible, I still want to know. Please, Rose. If you can…I want to know. I don't want there to be a part of your life that I'm not involved in."

And it made a strange kind of sense, though I didn't let myself fully delve into just how much sense it really made. I put my hand to his face.

"You don't have to do this," I tried. "Honestly, it's not even relevant anymore."

But he was unwavering in his purpose. "It is to me, when it's something I've been avoiding. Anything that puts space between us is bad. I want it gone. Please, baby. Tell me."

It should have been difficult to dredge up. It ought to have been arduous and demanding to recall those details of such a cataclysmic event that broke apart the fabric of that previous, other life. Yet it was effortless. I had spoken about it with Carlisle many times when I had first been changed, and endless times with Edward in the last fifty years.

No, the challenge would be talking to Emmett about it. Carlisle was…well, Carlisle. He understood, so fully. He'd made it seem like he needed to hear it, when he knew really what I needed was to say it. Air on the wound, or something akin to that, And Edward had made me talk about it until it didn't hurt anymore - until it started to sound like a story that happened to another person, not me. Then he would kiss away any residual pain and replace it with something else.

Emmett was a whole separate part of my life; though I had never really given it much thought, I knew I had always been secretly relieved he didn't want to talk about it. Allowing him to be touched and tainted by that wasn't something I was eager to do.

But it had to happen now, so I would just have to deal with it.

We sat on the floor of our room, no bed obviously. Facing opposite one another on the plush, cream rug, I began to speak in calm, almost detached tones.

He listened as I built up to the more nasty aspects of it, telling him about my parents and their aspirations. My friend, Vera - her baby. Odd, to be recounting such things that should be long lost, but were uncomfortably fresh.

By the time I was walking home alone, I slowed down the speech and considered whether or not to leave out some details. Maybe I should, it would have been kinder to do so. But something in his eyes told me that he needed to hear everything. I wished I didn't understand why.

And I found reluctance creeping into my recollection. Parts of this I didn't want to share with my husband. Carlisle, fine. Edward…of course. He hadn't rested until I had told him the thing over and over - until I was almost bored with it.

But my beautiful, lovely Emmett…he didn't have to be contaminated with this, did he?

He sensed my reluctance. "Rose," he prompted. "Please. Don't leave anything out."

I knew how painful this must have been for him; I could almost feel it pouring out of him, a red hot kind of distress and ill ease.

So I carried on, reciting most of it from conversations with Carlisle. The deeper into it I got, the more I found the calm leaving my voice. By the time the words "…left me for dead…" were past my lips, my hands were shaking.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. "OK," he said in one shaky breath when I was done. "OK."

I wanted to touch him, bring him back to me and make it like it was before. But I knew the irreversible nature of something like this, and I knew I couldn't expect immediate ease and constancy…not with something like this.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, meaning it in every possible way.

He laughed a little at that, incredulously. "You're apologising?"

"Yes, because I know how hard it is for you to hear that."

"I thought we sorted this out a few years ago," he said, with an echo of his old smile. "No apologising."

I waited a little while, letting it sink in. I knew it was a lot for him to deal with, fully hearing what he only had a vague idea about up until now.

When he moved, taking a deep breath and exhaling, I knew I could go to him. It was all I wanted to do just then - make him feel better. I took him in my arms and held him close to me; we clung to one another, letting the horror fade away from both of us.

"I love you," I told him. "I love you."

He nodded and kissed my cheek. "And I love you, Rose. So much."

We drew apart and kissed to seal all and any space between us. I held his face in my hands while we kissed, our bodies pressed together with the comfort born of intimacy.

"Rose?" he said, pulling away slightly.

"Hmmm?"

"There's nothing between us now, right? I mean…nothing standing between you and me. No distance, no secrets. Right?"

I kept my gaze steady and maintained the proximity.

And when I promised him that, it wasn't a lie exactly. Because there was nothing between us. We were as close as we could be, ever.

Yet, ever present, clinical and unwavering - the truth spoke in the back of my mind, coldly reminding me of things that I didn't want to know.

-August 9th 1940-

I closed my eyes tight shut, clamped my hands over my ears and imagined that this was death. That I would be sightless, soundless and mute…but that I would exist amidst the darkness nonetheless. I would have no form, there would be no sunlight - yet I would exist. Me, what I was…who I was, all that I loved and hated and knew would not perish and cease. I would continue through the darkness and onto some other life.

I imagined all that, while I shut out every other thing around me. It didn't work. I could imagine some form of life after death…some vague proof of the soul but nothing I could have imagined could full take my attention from what stood before me.

Edward took my hands by the wrists and pulled them away so I could hear what he was saying once more. I kept my eyes tight shut, but what was the point? I could see him printed against my eyelids anyway. Burned there with the intensity of my stare, perhaps.

"Don't be so puerile!" he snarled ruthlessly. "Look at me when you say what you're about to say!"

I opened my eyes and he was still there, dispelling any and all belief that God or any creature able to grant mercy upon me might exist. Edward Cullen.

"This has to stop!" I said with more conviction that I actually felt. "Do you understand? I don't want it anymore! It's over! There. Better because I was looking at you, was it?"

He sneered at me, though his confidence was shaken by the strength of my words and their meaning. "So you lied to my face; hardly a new addition to your talents!"

"I'm not lying! This ends now!"

He was still holding my wrists tightly in his hands. "No!"

"Yes! I won't allow this to continue another moment longer! We're done, Edward. This was the last time, I swear to God!"

"You don't believe in God!"

"I don't believe in you! Us! This! Don't presume to tell me my own beliefs just because you can hear the echo of my thoughts! You don't know what I feel!"

"I know you, I know every piece of you!"

"Not any more!"

"Why? Why, Rose? Because of him? There is no way he'll find out! I would know!"

"I know he doesn't know, Jesus Christ do you think I would have come here with if I thought he had the slightest inkling?"

"Then why did you come at all?"

I yanked my wrists from his iron grasp and stepped back, my bare feet on the grass of the woodland area. We were supposed to be in Rochester, while I went through whatever cathartic exercises that everyone presumed I underwent. Eight years ago this night I had lost my mortality, my innocence and my life. This night meant Edward and I could be alone together, as involved as we wanted to be…which was a lot, but this time I hadn't been able to stop thinking about what Emmett had said to me as I left.

… "Make sure you come back to me, Rose."….

The guilt I so rarely entertained was plaguing me fully. I couldn't breathe with it, I couldn't focus on anything else. I'd never thought there would be something more powerful than the pull of what Edward and I shared…but there was and it was devouring me whole.

"What choice did I have? Deny to myself that I don't crave your touch every moment of my treacherous existence? He proposed to me last night and all I could think of was you!"

I expected him to be taken aback by that; to be shocked. Instead his shoulders dropped and he seemed to sadly resigned to confirmation of something he already knew. "I know."

Well of course he knew…God forbid Edward Cullen should ever be surprised by anything or anyone!

"Exactly! You're in my head, my heart, my soul…EVERYTHING! And I don't want that! I don't want to hurt him, I REFUSE to hurt him!"

"So what are you saying?"

"I think I'm saying it pretty damned clear!"

I couldn't look away, though his eyes were weakening my resolve. A small part of me knew that there was no point saying any of this because it wasn't like we would ever stop. Time, afterlife, hell, God, happiness and the future were all coloured with uncertainty…all but him. I knew without the slightest doubt that this would never stop. It couldn't stop…such thoughts were blasphemy to the core of everything I loved and believed.

But another part of me angrily fought the idea that I was helpless in the face of something that would so devastatingly destroy my beloved Emmett.

"It won't destroy him," he answered my thoughts. "Because he doesn't know!"

"But I do! Whether he knows or not, this is betrayal beyond the telling of it! I don't want to betray him! I love him!"

"As you love me?"

"You know how unfair that is!"

"And so do you to stand here and say this! As if my life has any semblance of meaning without you in it? Do you honestly think that I could manage to get through twenty four hours without hope of you? We're too tangled, too sewn together by whatever this is. You rip it apart and you'll destroy us both!"

"So…what? Together we're whole, apart we're broken? Look at this! This isn't whole! This is something we do because it's dangerous, because we might get caught! Because you and I are the exact same shade of darkness! Nothing more!"

He grabbed me by the upper arms, yanking my face dangerously close to his. His eyes were wild, electricity cracking around him almost. I was terrified, desolate and yet so completely alive. Alive in the way I could only feel when I could be alone with him. Even fighting with him was this incredible, virulent experience; enough to shake me from whatever righteousness I had been masquerading beneath, sending all morals soaring away, dissolving into nothingness like water into fire. Pretending I was strong enough to end this…saying terrible, irreversible things to him and hearing him say them back, knowing that at any moment it would break, shatter and spiral away into dizzying heat and all animosity would melt violently into something else…and I had lost all reasoning…forgotten why I had ever tried to stand in the way of something so unstoppable…so terrifyingly necessary.

"Nothing more?" he echoed in a trembling fury. "I've torn myself apart for you, Rosalie Hale! How dare you stand there and call it nothing?"

I wanted nothing more than to let it break; to let the moment crack beneath the pressure and weight of such forceful, incurable emotions. I wanted to dissolve into him, lose everything else and let the chains of responsibility and morality dance away into the darkness. I wanted him so much it redefined the word 'want'.

But I put both hands flat against his chest and shoved him away roughly. It took all my strength to move him, as he used all his to stand his ground. It was only one step back and not enough to clear my head, but I had to be the rational one tonight. What did he know, anyway? He had nothing to lose…no-one in his life who so adored him and depended upon him. Who loved him without question…who made him a better person because he was loved by them.

"It's not nothing," I breathed, heavily. "You're right - it's not. It's everything, Edward. Everything and you know it shouldn't be."

"I don't care," he said, lifting his chin a little.

"You love Emmett," I pointed out.

"Yes, I do. But I'd take you from him in a moment if I thought you'd come with me. I'd break his heart if it meant I could have you."

I turned away from him because it was unspeakable injustice to say something like that, when it had been his idea to use Emmett as the mediator in the first place.

"If he ever finds out," I said, wrapping my arms around myself because I had suddenly turned cold. "I would never touch you…never look at you…ever again. You hurt him, and I'll destroy us both."

"You don't mean that."

"Look into my eyes on the day it happens and see for yourself."

"That will never happen!"

"How can be you be so sure?"

"Because I would do anything for you! If it means I can keep you, even like…like this! I'll do anything you want me to! He will NEVER find out, I swear to you!"

Unstoppable, inexorable, inescapable…whatever words we exchanged before the tension snapped and caught fire were meaningless in the face of what was coming. What was always coming. What was always hidden beneath the veneers of masterful lies and deceptions. What existed in me like a dormant creature, waiting impatiently for freedom.

"You promise me?" The fight was gone - it had left me the moment those words were out of his mouth. I was postponing the glorious inevitable now. Delaying the moment, though I didn't know why.

He just looked at me, the back of his index fingers running down my cheek. I knew what he was saying…more words than my wedding vows…more passion than the first time I had made love with Emmett…more than anything I had ever dreamed existed.

And all resistance and defiance left inside me, broke apart spectacularly.

I thought about it later, sometime before dawn. Alone in the gardens, wandering through the thick darkness, the scent and taste of him still surrounding me, I thought about what he had said and what it actually meant.

Though there was nothing standing between Emmett and I; no distance, no detachment, no remoteness and certainly no formality - it became clear to me in those moments that there was distance between Edward and I…and it was the people we loved.

The people we loved, were responsible for, cared for and lived with were the things keeping us truly apart.

Such a wonderful thing; my marriage, my life with Emmett…was actually an obstruction between myself and Edward, however necessary it might have been. I knew Bella Swan was becoming such an obstacle herself. I knew that he was falling in love with her, as I had fallen for Emmett. Beautiful, interesting beings so full of light and joy.

And we, Edward and I, were so the contrary…such creatures born of darkness and strangeness, absolute desire and wholly consuming want. How could we not be attracted to such people? Though I violently despised her, I could see why he was falling for her. She was everything the opposite of me. Frail, insecure, needy, delicate, gentle, selfless, unassuming. She would love him with everything she had and it could be real…corporeal. She would worship him, attach herself to him completely. She would be his and no-one else's.

And she would become yet another complication set between us. Another person to lie to, another person to protect from the devastating truth. Another impediment to work around, just so we could be together.

It would have been tragic, if it wasn't so overwhelmingly vital.

I could hear the sounds of my family inside; Jasper, Alice and Edward had returned an hour ago and I had retreated outside silently. No-one had questioned my absence, especially not Emmett. He seemed to know when I wanted to be left alone and he didn't take it personally, thank God. From his silent understanding, the others must have gleaned that it was nothing serious - just that I was in a solitary sort of mood.

Esme was telling stories again; stories we all knew back to front, but loved hearing anyway. Stories of times we'd been through together, spun beautifully by her undying bias for each of us. I heard Emmett's booming laugh, Alice playfully denying whatever the story was indicating about her.

In a way, I was glad to be outside. Sometimes the happiness and ignorance of the others was suffocating. To sit with them, so blithely happy and unaware…it made me feel claustrophobic; trapped and incarcerated by their love and trust. I didn't deserve any of it.

The moon was gone; invisible without the sun to illuminate it. Without such a source, it was just a dark rock - unable to produce light of it's own. Morbidly, I pondered the similarities between Emmett and I of such a metaphor. He the eternal sunshine and light - I the dark rock, circulating around a planet, bathing in the sunlight whenever I could.

I leant my arms against a large pine tree, dropping my head down. This was useless, what could be gained by obsessing over it?

The tree groaned as the pressure grew and I wished I could lean fully into it and push it over, uprooting it completely. I didn't know why, though.

"I wouldn't do that," came that voice, melting into the darkness. "That's Esme's favourite tree."

I wasn't even surprised that he was here. Half of me had only been out here because he might come. How pathetic.

When he spoke, he was closer than he had been before. "No," he breathed and it moved over my neck, forcing me to suppress a shiver. "Not pathetic. All I've done all day is wait for a chance to be alone with you. It's all I ever do."

My hands clawed into the tree trunk with effort of trying to keep my head together. I was in two halves; split down the centre by the pull of desire. Half of me loved Emmett, this half was loyal and stubborn. It knew I should leave, go inside and sit on Emmett's lap. Prove to him that we were fine…over the worst, closer than before. It would make him so happy to know that. But the other half, the more vocal, currently dominant half, didn't care. It didn't care about Emmett, or the family, or anyone else on this planet besides the man standing behind me. It screamed at me to turn around because he was standing right there, alone with me! It tore through me with every breath, burned and hurt me when I refused or tried to fight it.

"Why are you here?" I managed to say, as if it wasn't what I spent all my time fantasising about. "The others…"

"The others," he interrupted smoothly. "Didn't notice."

He might have been lying; his voice was too smooth, lacking a certain roughness. A voice he used to charm humans away from any suspicions or fear. I wondered if he used the same voice on Bella.

"I try not to," he answered.

"Please stay out of my head."

"How? I've lost the ability to tell my thoughts from yours. Especially when we're alone."

"Have you spoken to Jasper yet?" I asked, wildly trying to keep my mind on something rational.

"Rosalie." He said my name in such a way that my hands convulsively tore deeper into the body of the tree. "Stop. Turn around, look at me."

Overpowering déjà vu drove through my, reminding me of that night seventy years ago when this really begun. The origin of this betrayal…the beginning of such achingly wonderful treachery. I had tried to keep my back to him then, I had tried to block him out for the sake of Emmett just like I was now.

The difference was that now there was something dividing his attention. I wasn't the solitary focus of his world any more. There was someone else in his life now. Was this how he felt about me and Emmett? Maybe. Maybe I just loved him more than he loved me. Maybe I couldn't bear it because I felt more for him.

"I seriously doubt that," he whispered, far too close. His body would brush mine any minute and when it did, I knew what was going to happen.

Unstoppable, inexorable, inescapable…three words I was well acquainted with.

What was the point of trying to pretend I was strong enough to prevent it? I had already thought of logical ways we could hide each other's scent if we only kissed…already devised ways to hide whatever other intimacies occurred. The only thing that remained, cold and stoic, in my corner of loyalty to Emmett, was the thought of that girl, somewhere across town. I thought of how she was tearing him apart with obvious desire. I thought of how he tried to hide what he felt for her.

"Rose," he said, his hands sliding around my hips, up my sides and behind my shoulders. My lips parted slightly, though I didn't move. "Look at me."

And I turned, removing my hands from the tree, smothered in sticky, strong smelling pine tree sap. Outlined in the darkness by what meagre light existed, invisible to humans…there he was. His eyes boring down into mine, trying to see right through me…all the way into my soul…our soul.

"She's not you," he said simply, and the flawlessness was gone. "She's not you and she never will be."

There was a full moment of silence in which I was sure he could hear the crashing of my resolve as it imploded. Then there was only violent, undiluted want and need and the feel of that desire being fulfilled. His mouth moving on mine, the taste of his lips and tongue…the feel of his skin and the muscles that moved under my hands on his back. The heat from his body as it pressed into me, trying - as I was - to make us into one, perfect whole being. My hands were leaving sticky trails of sap everywhere, it had to hurt but he didn't seem to care. When he dragged his fingers through my hair, I moaned into his mouth and he shoved both of us back into the gouged tree. Above us, thousands of pine needles shook and fell, raining down upon us. I couldn't force myself to care. Rationality was gone, replaced by something ever-present, biding it's time.

I stopped thinking, let my consciousness slip away and I threw myself into him, us…this. Because I knew there was no point in trying to pretend like I wasn't hopelessly, unstoppably…irretrievably…eternally...desperately...irreversibly...

A/N - Hey guys. This was long in two ways. a) It's long. 30 pages long to be exact. b) It took SO long to write. I've been working tirelessly on this for days, basically non-stop as much as possible and yet it was tremendously hard to write. Mainly because I rewrote it a couple of times. I like this chapter, despite how difficult it was to write. Yes, I'm also well aware that nothing significant occured. The next chapter- literally straight into the first lines - deals with some serious Rosalie/Edward stuff, including discussing the beach and Bella.

I know it seems to be moving at a slow pace, but that's because I really want to get this done properly before we move into serious Bella-Territory. Bear with me, I'm-a-workin' hard. *Cough-REVIEWS!-Cough*

Before very 'subtly' requesting reviews and feedback - pretty much all I live for - there is some massive recognition and thanks to be dished out.

Frickin'-Amazing-Wonderful-Fantastic-Amber! What can I even say that won't make me sound insinscere? Thank you, beyond what I'm capable of expressing. Robyn, brilliant, darling Robyn. Hugs, kisses, love and endless appreciation for your enthusiasm and kindness, without which there would a be a significant delay in chapters. Femme Teriyaki, thank you so much for the life-saving review - I meant every word. The kick-ass, awesome and just generally brilliant Aceswild, you have no idea how much I enjoy discussing this with you. CrAzCookyTash12 - thanks and love to you for the wonderful enthusiasm and kindness. marieLONDON for knowing and commenting on all my favourite parts, making me freshly enthused about this story. narutoclaymorelove4eva, thank you so much my darling for your reviews, your loveliness and general awesomeness - I loved the song, too. Thanks. Youko-Kokuryuuha for incredible, helpful feedback.

Big thanks to everyone else; MayCullen, Ryoko05, Mia Arabella Malfoy, Maximista, VenusRising, , luv4ed, swill12, xtinkerxbell08x, mjinaspen, MACgical, twiggy94, Elhayln, rachelm23, AmyA.W. Thanks to you all so much, I treasure every word.

I'm hopeful that the next will be up soon, as I've devoted a significant portion of my life in the last three days planning the next five chapters.

PLEASE REVIEW!

Thanks all so much for reading, really hope you enjoyed it.

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Bex

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