It proved more difficult a process that any had imagined to get the team into some semblance of order the next they onlined. Ramjet and Red Alert were first to come from their chamber, and did immediately notice any trouble. They had kissed each other once before falling in stasis, recharged near each other peacefully, kissed each other once upon coming back online, and then taken separate turns in the wash area. When they came from the chamber in search of a bit of fuel, they found BB still recharging on the large bench. Red Alert then noticed Scalpel chirping excitedly and splashing in the kitchenette's small sink. Even as they approached, Ramjet and Red Alert could hear shouting from the adjacent chamber, which had been assigned to Thundercracker and Skywarp.
Ramjet could not recall Thundercracker and Skywarp every fighting with each other. Thundercracker used to bellow and tell everyone, including Skywarp, how inferior they were, but he had mellowed. Just as Ramjet no longer lied to everyone or all the time, Thundercracker had seemed able to temper his ego in such a way that his pride in himself now extended to his siblings and subordinates. He had for a long while show Skywarp considerable favoritism, so it made little sense he would be putting him down now. And for that matter, it made little sense that Skywarp would be fighting back, even if he had made great strides in resisting his cowardly instincts.
Red Alert was similarly surprised that the General and his Executive Officer would be arguing. For one, Red Alert had noticed the silent exchanges that had the appearance of comm conversation that preceded any spoken statement that sounded like compromise. They simply did not question each other in public.
"Does he recharge in water?" Ramjet asked, curious about the tiny doctor's crustacean-like root mode.
"I wash," Scalpel chirped at them, he seemed then to address Red Alert as he climbed from the sink and projected a graph. Whatever the graph tracked had steadily increased in level and lately spiked to a steep incline. "Proper washing removes latent chemical trace."
"It makes complete sense to me because I accessed all the slaggin' science memories!"
"Dormitory Effect," Red Alert said seriously, "Cyber-pheromone levels are spiking dangerously."
"Cyber-pheromones are like some kind of odorless Cybertronian-produced molecular compound related to attraction, right?"
"No science memories?" Red teased.
"Between his memories and your medi-babble, I picked-up a few things. I still don't get the 'dangerously' part or what dormitories have to do with anything. Shouldn't we all just be extra interested in courtship."
"Canned air," Scalpel explained.
"Courtship, yes, but at these levels, it's more likely to see violent territorial posturing, nesting, or even breeding."
Ramjet took a step back, "With the sparks?" He made a hand gesture indicating what the sparks would do. "Conceiving newsparks?" he whispered.
Red Alert stared at Ramjet a long millicycle, "He did not know that before," she informed Scalpel. "Ramjet, you've triggered enough conditional programming to know that?"
"What?"
Red Alert nervously made the hand gesture.
"I must have." Ramjet paused and then, "You recognized it. Was that just medi-bot training?"
"We are all affected!" Red Alert whispered. Her siren sounded reflexively: woo woo. She tried to shut it off. Woo woo woo.
"Stop panicking!" Ramjet panicked, "Can't you just take one of those breaths?"
"The concentration of Cyber-pheromones in this air is prohibitive. I would only increase their effect on my processor." Woo woo.
"Think about something else," Scalpel suggested.
"BB, come in here," Thundercracker called from the doorway to his chamber.
"Roger."
"BB, you do not have to come in!" Skywarp called from the same doorway.
"BB is willing to do it. He acknowledged!" Thundercracker argued.
"BB, Thundercracker was not giving that order as your military commander, so you do not have to acknowledge. He was only speaking as some mech who happens to be a suite-mate. Do not come in."
"Roger."
The door slammed shut and Thundercracker and Skywarp's muffled arguing could be heard again.
"This is Dormitory Effect," Red Alert whispered, "It is often first observed in academy housing in which many younglings coming of age are living in close quarters. Those who are the most mature will start to trigger their conditional programming that signifies readiness to court, or even mate. Their bodies naturally produce the Cyber-pheromones to signal potential mates. But, in close quarters, this sometimes has the side effect of increasing overall concentration of the Cyber-pheromones to the point there is saturation at which conditional programming of the less mature residents is triggered simply by the exposure to high Cyber-pheromone levels. In a full-fledged case of Dormitory Effect, all residents will soon exhibit equal levels of conditional programming and maturity. The entire population will then view each other as potential mates or rivals and begin to act out the process of courting, claiming intended mates, nesting and breeding."
"But all of that sounds like what all of us have been doing already. And does that mean everything between us is somehow artificial because I met you when confined in a prison?"
"Everything we have experienced is entirely real. The reactions are our own natural reactions. It is only, potentially, the timing, and certain extremes of behavior that can be effected. For example, a young mech in a dorm beating his best friend because he now views him as a rival for a mate. The Cyber-pheromones cannot make you want to do something you would never do, but they can make your actions and reactions the extreme of what you might do. So, effectively removing much inhibition that is normally a good thing to have."
"All of us, meaning the other suite, too?"
"Swindle has been burning rubber," Scalpel said.
Red Alert tsked a cluster of sensory nodes against the interior of her mouth. "Ground-based models often release their Cyber-pheromones in such a manner as to leave a trail where they drive. It is part of what makes the race track environment so heady. If Swindle was spinning his wheels, he might be one of us who is actively producing Cyber-pheromones. However, it is an entirely involuntary and subconscious action, so he would not know he was doing it."
"And Seekers?" Ramjet asked.
"Evolved to signal mates in atmosphere," Scalpel said.
Even Ramjet could grasp the science of why that was bad. Signaling a mate in the air with a chemical trail that would be quickly dispersed and diffused meant the initial release had to be highly concentrated in order to be effective. That same concentrate would be ridiculously overwhelming in close quarters: in a dorm, a space station, a starship, a small colony. "So, Seekers are literally hyper-attractive?" Ramjet could not help but feel rather smug about this revelation. "But, then-?" He paused, trying to think of an answer for himself, "How do the Decepticons stand to have Starscream or other Seekers and flight-models with them on missions requiring long-distance space travel?"
"I imagine they do anything they can to not to encourage his arousal, provide access to wash facilities, possibly confine him to personal quarters, and frequently send him planetside. That is part of normal Seeker operating method, is it not? To be advanced scouts to a new planet and operate in the air much of the time."
"Do you think Megatron knew?"
Red Alert only had suspicions. She looked to Scalpel.
"All Decepticon leaders with flight-models and air warriors must know. Effects obvious. Whole ship would be making the newsparks if not controlled. Too many mouths to feed. Too few active soldiers."
"Controlled?" Ramjet asked angrily, "How do you just tell every flier in the entire Decepticon army not to get aroused or respond to each other, or take care of their sparklings?"
"You sacrifice a few of the little ones," Scalpel said plainly, "then, they not in the mood anymore."
"Did you kill some?" Ramjet demanded, grasping for the tiny doctor.
"No. No. Not programmed to consider expendable! Only in great emergency one can donate parts for another to live. Not expendable!" Scalpel jumped back into the sink and crouched down, only optics, spectacles and antennae visible above the surface.
Red Alert took a disposable cloth from the kitchenette and wet it at the sink. She passed this to Ramjet and gestured for him to clean his face. The Cyber-pheromones were odorless, but reached the processor via the olfactory sense receptors. Washing their faces was a stop-gap measure at best. "What should we do?" Red Alert asked.
"I just got promoted yesterday, and it's still a toss-up whether Sunstorm or I is last in the chain of command. You can't expect me to solve this problem?"
Red Alert looked first to Scalpel. Scalpel looked at Ramjet though his spectacles. As suspected, his rank characteristic was fluctuating. Scalpel's own rank was fairly high among Decepticons in general, due to the respect he was paid as one of their few medical experts, but this did not stop every General and Special Teams Leader from attempting to recruit him as a subordinate and make him do their bidding. "Is saying," Scalpel said, "If Decepticon says he is leader, and no other in hearing objects, Decepticon is leader."
"Vortex told us something like that, once." Ramjet considered the situation. He really did not grasp the science quite as much as the others. He was more like Thundercracker, he supposed, in focusing on flying, fighting and strategy, although strategy meant different things to each, Ramjet guessed. But, he did have two medical experts willing to follow his command, at least for now.
Ramjet straightened. "Red and I have to stay together. It may seem risky, given what you have been saying, but otherwise we risk me going territorial on some mech. Scalpel, if you will, go back to the other suite and determine if anyone there is unaffected enough to give assistance. And, determine also, if you are able, if any specific individual is actively producing the Cyber-pheromones, and if as result anyone seems in actual danger as a result."
"Unaffected, producing, at risk," Scalpel recited. Red Alert lifted him from the sink and helped him quickly to the floor. Scalpel gave a salute with one claw and then skittered away.
"What do you want me to do?" Red Alert asked.
"For a start, don't ask me such loaded questions. We've got to try to get Thundercracker and Skywarp to see reason, without deciding we are a threat."
Scalpel let himself into the other suite and found Vortex and Sunstorm were both online and alert in the common area. Scalpel sampled the air as he moved across the floor. The concentration was high here, but seeping into the room in even higher concentrations from each adjacent rest chamber.
"Any symptoms?" Scalpel asked Vortex.
Vortex looked down at Scalpel. He did not very often travel without a larger mech. "Symptoms of what, exactly, Doctor?"
"Use rotors to draw air out into hallway."
Vortex cackled a laugh. "You want me to use my beautifully lethal blades to make like a fan?"
"I outrank you," Scalpel said.
Vortex trained his optics on the tiny crab-like mech. "Well, if I challenge you, Skywarp will just pop over here and shoot me I the back, right?" Vortex saw Scalpel did not answer, but crossed his smaller forelimbs across his chest to signal he was waiting. "At least tell me what is going on."
"You know what this means: Dormitory Effect?"
Vortex cackled loudly. He stood, preparing to go to the door. "Oh, I should have seen it. So, the kids received a visit from the Cyber Ferry and now all they do is moan?"
"Yes. Cyber Ferry." Scalpel knew this was the common youngling jargon for the state of being affected by Cyber-pheromones. At the academy, for example, the students might tease each other saying that a Ferrymech, Cyber Ferry or a Fairy was going to visit. They mechanified this concept as a being like a doomy Ferrymech who transformed into a ferry to transport younglings to another, new world. Sometimes they said the Ferrymech replaced friends with dopplegangers and changelings from beyond. Other times, a femme version was described as a fairy-like alien who could make mechanisms go mad with desire.
"I think Sunny here needs some fresh air. He looked like he had some bad memory loop or recharge images, and now he is just mumbling to himself about sins of the shell."
"Concur," Scalpel said. "Symptoms Consistent." He went to the room to the left, where he believed Dirge to be. He pinged a signal to the door and it opened to him. The interior was dim, but Scalpel had sensors enough to clearly determine what Dirge and Swindle were doing. They were clearly affected. Each was producing their own Cyber-pheromones in aroused response to the other's hyper-attractive state.
"You, The Turbofox," Scalpel called, "You know what Cyber-pheromones are? Put the kid in a cold shower."
"I will kill you, Cogcricket!" Dirge threatened, "Swindle is mine."
Dirge was most definitely impaired in his judgement, threatening to kill Scalpel. Swindle might not have full use of his faculties, either; he was actually asking to be taken and saying "I'm Yours."
"Sunstorm!" Scalpel called. "Burn-off. Use your flare to burn-off excess Cyber-pheromones around you. Make these two get to wash facility."
Sunstorm did not really know what Scalpel was talking about, but he had been feeling something was off, and he had seen Vortex accept an order. Sunstorm released his energy in a brief flare about his body. He did not immediately feel different. But then, when he tried to approach Dirge's rest chamber, he was consciously aware of a change. It was like an invisible wall or veil existed there and moving into it mad him suddenly agreeable, giddy and something else he was not certain how to define.
Scalpel staggered away. "I wash," he said. Dirge's chamber was too much for his small body. There was no way he could open Starscream's door without himself deciding to make a claim on Teacher's Pet. Scalpel climbed up to the sink in this suite. The fact that Starscream had megacycles of pent-up emotion and desire had never boded well for any of their team long avoiding the risk of Dormitory Effect, not with so many of his own young clones in said team.
But, Scalpel thought, in a way, this was good for Decepticons. It meant there was potential still to inspire Decepticons of appropriate maturity and compatibility to form brood pairs or trines. And if New Kaon were truly as safe a haven as many said, then there was a chance for newsparks to be conceived and infused into protoforms. Not every mech knew how to cultivate protoforms, but one with expertise in chemistry and molecular-mechology was certainly up to the task, which was why it was a very good thing they did have Starscream.
Scalpel could hear Dirge raging at Sunstorm from the far rest chamber. "You have no right!" Dirge shouted. "I can have someone, too! I can have! Swindle said he wanted more. He said it! He wants me!"
"I would never question your significant amorous prowess, Little Brother, but poor Swindle is obviously exhausted; your effluent charm has simply overwhelmed him to the point of mindlessness."
Dirge laughed loudly. "That's right, I drove him out of his slaggin' mind! That is just how much talent I possess. I am hyper – get off me! I don't need a shower!" Sunstorm came out of the rest chamber with Swindle trailing sheepishly behind. Scalpel skittered quickly from the kitchenette to meet them near the door.
Vortex could not resist the opportunity to tease. "Walk of Shame again, My Friend? Rough night?"
"Slag off."
Scalpel directed the others to continue across the hall to the other suite. They left the doors to both suites open to allow for circulation. They found Red Alert had made some progress with Thundercracker and Skywarp. Thundercracker could still be heard ranting about something, but Skywarp seemed a little calmer and stood in the open doorway to his rest chamber, speaking to Red Alert.
"I suppose that makes a little sense. I onlined first and went to wash and it only seemed to me that Thundercracker was acting a little unusual after I sat down and let him polish my wings." Skywarp lowered his voice further before he continued, "It is hard to reach the back part, and sometimes I do the same for him."
"Now that we understand what we are dealing with, we should be able to manage it. It would be helpful to understand what particular symptoms or stage Thundercracker is experiencing. Do you know?"
"Well, he's been ranting for a couple of cycles now about how unworthy the room is for any sparklings of his. He even tried to get BB to come in and help move furniture."
"One of you is not-?" Red Alert whispered.
"No, no, no!" Skywarp responded, making a twitchy gesture with his claws as if to push the subject from him and shaking his head for good measure. "I did not let that happen, like you said."
Red Alert felt relieved. She hoped they did not have to deal with newsparks just yet. She glanced at the others who had recently entered, as did Skywarp.
"Dirge is in the shower," Sunstorm reported, "Can Swindle use on of your wash areas?"
"W-what about Starscream? And Slipstream?" Ramjet asked. He felt a little uncomfortable that Sunstorm was reporting to him. His call-sign was 5 and Sunstorm's 6, but Thundercracker had trusted Sunstorm with their treasury before he had assigned Ramjet with any function. Ramjet usually assumed everyone considered him lower in rank. Even Dirge, who was younger, had been with the outfit longer and was somehow their Chief Science Officer.
"Seeing as how in his wisdom even Scalpel did not go in that chamber...." Sunstorm wheedled.
"They could have fifteen newsparks by now!" Ramjet said under his breath.
"That is not actually, possible, is it?" Skywarp whispered to Red Alert.
She shook her head. "Two at most, or maybe three or four if they had split-sparks, but twins are very rare." Red Alert realized what she was saying, "Not that I am saying anyone is having any newsparks at all. Maybe they are just having a long discussion."
"Maybe they are only holding hands," Ramjet suggested, "that would just be swell."
"Not that I wish to envision what our Liege and beloved sister are doing together," Sunstorm said, "but it sounded like all they did was watch Earth shows on the hotel viewer and talk in English."
Skywarp gave Red Alert a tap on her arm with one of his claws, to get her attention. Red Alert was unprepared and gave a startled jump. Ramjet saw the movement and the null ray on his right arm whined in power-up. "W-we were just talking," Skywarp said defensively.
Thundercracker stepped up into the doorway, just behind Skywarp, with one of his pair of swords drawn. "Do not forget who your superiors are in this chain-of-command, Ramjet," Thundercracker said imperiously.
"Don't you forget who is supposed to be showing us all his leadership skills!" Ramjet challenged, "Sir!"
"Doctor!" Thundercracker called. Red Alert and Scalpel both gave their attention. "I put myself on medical leave. Ramjet is in command, unless Slipstream or Dirge present themselves with appropriate decorum."
"What about Skywarp?" Ramjet asked. He saw Thundercracker was already retreating into his rest chamber.
"I am sure he means I am on an assignment, but it is need-to-know, and you do not need to know," Skywarp said. "Thundercracker would like you to come in and advise him in a medical capacity," Skywarp said to Red Alert, having a comm from Thundercracker.
Red Alert looked back to Ramjet. "We will keep the door open."
Ramjet gave a nod of approval. He then looked to the assembled group. BB was seated on a bench. Scalpel looked just about ready to crawl up Ramjet's leg. Sunstorm was expectantly looking at Ramjet for an order. Vortex was near the door, spinning his rotor blades. Swindle was slouched against the wall near the outer door, looking embarrassed and pretty badly scuffed like he'd been in a few fights in the last dekacycle.
"Swindle, you look like slag, go use the wash area in my room and get some real recharge."
"Honesty is not really that attractive on you," Swindle said, attempting meanness, but just sounding tired.
"So," Ramjet said, "Sunstorm, you can be my second-in-command for now, so your duty is to tell me when I give a ridiculous order or do something really illogical or incompetent."
"Noted," Sunstorm replied.
"Scalpel, you can just perch up here on my shoulder so I look like a real Decepticon leader."
Scalpel climbed up.
"Uncle V, keep-up the good work. If you do not mind, maybe you could look around for any environmental controls, or fans, or the like."
"Understood."
"BB," Ramjet called, "Do you think you could try very hard for us to say 'no'?"
"BB does not want to talk because he's had a hard time in prison and he's lost someone, an escort jet he had at least a service-level bond with," Sunstorm explained.
"I take your information under advisement, Sunstorm." Ramjet said, "BB, I request that you make the effort. You don't actually have to say 'no', you could use another language, or indicate 'negative'. It would really help all of us, if you would try."
"Roger."
Ramjet shrugged. Curse Thundercracker for leaving him in command!
"I am not fit to lead like this," Thundercracker confessed to Red Alert at a whisper.
"You seem conscious of the fact that you are affected," Red Alert advised, "That is actually a good sign. It means you are still quite lucid and in possession of your faculties."
"But this Dormitory Effect and Cyber-Pheromones? You are saying that we have all been chemically unbalanced and it has recently escalated to a dangerous level."
"Yes, but the main problem is being in this canned air. The Pheromones themselves are entirely natural and also very common in your stage of maturity, in most of our stages. It is the enclosed environments that have been making the levels high enough to cause beginnings of extreme behavior and loss of inhibitions. Now we know what we are dealing with."
"And, knowing is half the battle," Skywarp said, who was sitting on the bedding, playing chess with Stormshadow on a holomatter board.
Thundercracker and Stormshadow both nodded.
"Washing more frequently, ventilating chambers as much as possible, and rotating members of the team out of any duty in close quarters should help a lot. If we reach a planet with atmosphere, we will not even have a problem."
Thundercracker looked to the door again, then Skywarp. He returned his attention to Red Alert. "I cannot concentrate on important matters of leadership with these compulsions."
"About the furniture?" Red Alert asked, doing her best to remain professional.
"I am well aware, Doctor, that this is a hotel and by no means a permanent residence. Also, I am, of course, aware that I do not at this time have any offspring, at all, nor have I engaged in any activity that would bring about such offspring, or even given definite consent to do so in the future. Yet, my usual cool and superior intellect is plagued by this incessant compulsion that I must seek or create a suitably safe, nurturing and intellectually stimulating environment for these theoretical sparklings I do not have!"
"Nesting instinct. Your particular reaction to the Cyber-pheromone saturation is what is known as nesting instinct. I cannot speak from experience, but from my study, I understand it is fairly normal for the nesting to take place before the actual conception of offspring. We might say it is a means of dealing with any anxieties-"
"I do not have anxieties! Skywarp has anxieties. Lots of them. I help him face his anxieties!"
"You understand I am speaking to you in full confidence?" Red Alert asked. "You requested medical advice."
"Go on," Thundercracker agreed with irritation.
"If you, or some other person in the same hypothetical situation, who did have anxieties, had any concerns about conceiving offspring in the future, then nesting now might, hypothetically, be a means to create a secure environment, not only in which to raise hypothetical, future offspring, but in which you, or this other hypothetical person, can feel comfortable enough yourself to engage in breeding activity without fear of any interference or other cause of anxiety."
"The timing then, hypothetically, would be very normal?" Thundercracker asked.
"Yes, as far as I understand from my medi-bot studies. Some mechs or femmes, even if they have found a partner or bondmate or consort that they love, and do wish for offspring, cannot make themselves breed successfully until they feel secure. Especially, with our race being involved in war...you understand?"
"Do you know?" Thundercracker asked.
"Know? Know what?"
"Do. You. Know?" Thundercracker enunciated.
Red Alert gave a nod. "That the Decepticons are losing the war and right now cannot even sustain their number? That your faction loses more to warfare than you gain in newsparks?"
"So, even you know."
"Truthfully, some Autobots may know, but I only really considered it a few cycles ago, when Scalpel alerted us to the Dormitory Effect. Ramjet asked Scalpel something about it, and I recall Scalpel said all Decepticon leaders who have fliers must know."
"I do not follow. You must have left out some vital point."
Skywarp shut down his avatar and game, stood and called to Ramjet. Ramjet then stepped into the room, but remained at attention near the door. Scalpel was perched on his left shoulder. "Tell Thundercracker what you know about the Dormitory Effect, Decepticon offspring dying through starvation or purposeful sacrifice and any related information," Skywarp commanded.
Ramjet and Scalpel obediently repeated what they could recall of their earlier conversation with Red Alert, explaining how some may have seen Dormitory Effect on ships with many fliers as part of the cause for a perceived overabundance in newsparks, which was in turn a drain on dwindling resources. Scalpel explained his opinion that Decepticon leaders had chosen to willingly sacrifice some offspring in order to dissuade over-breeding.
"We had not made that part of the connection before," Thundercracker revealed to the others. "Skywarp and I already accessed the part of Starscream's memory in which he and a few others tried to nurture the last few sparklings. The situation obviously has become so desperate that most Decepticons do not even attempt breeding activity, perhaps knowing resources are still low, or that they may be targeted by leadership for disregarding now-outdated rules."
Scalpel then spoke up and said that there was hope. Thundercracker's team included seven seekers that now all seemed mature enough to breed, if they so chose. Six were clones, he said, but by choosing partners with compatible but differing codes, they could avoid degradation.
"But, we need protoforms, don't we?" Skywarp asked. "Starscream used a number of those Megatron and Lockdown had secured from the Autobots, to make us. Some went into other clones Starscream or Megatron made, and which got blown-up."
"Team Optimus recovered just three from Luna," Red Alert said.
"We only need an expert in chemistry and molecular-mechology to cultivate the protoforms," Scalpel said.
"But that is exactly what Starscream studied!" Red Alert said.
"You mean Starscream has known how to make protoforms all this time?" Thundercracker demanded, "Why would Megatron need to steal them from the Autobots? Why would Starscream not make some for the Decepticons?"
"Because Starscream would not necessarily want Megatron to know, after all that happened," Skywarp suggested.
"Have any of you accessed a memory in which Starscream actually made protoforms?" Ramjet asked, "We do not even know that he actually knows how to do it."
"He definitely tended ones the Decepticons had in the past," Skywarp insisted, "so he was at least competent to maintain ones that were made, as they were being cultivated. And he made us, so he clearly understands how the infusion process works. Even if he never made any, he has the skills to do so. Maybe he just needs some resources and a lab."
"I knew we were going to do something grand!" Thundercracker said. "I told you, did I not?"
"Yes, Sir, I never doubted it!" Skywarp agreed.
"Wait, what is this grand thing we are going to do?" Ramjet asked.
"Well, first, we are going to protect our skilled and valuable political leader, Starscream Liege Null," Thundercracker said, "and then we are going to learn everything we can from the other Decepticons, everything that will be useful to our future."
"And recruit?" Skywarp asked.
"Only the best, only those most willing and understanding of our cause."
"Make love not war?" Ramjet asked snarkily.
"Oh, we will have war!" Thundercracker bellowed, "With any pathetic lifeform that challenges our own right to exist and prosper!"
"And have you thought where you and your future will prosper?" Red Alert asked.
"Of course," Thundercracker replied, "Team Luna already has a home, we need only go back there."
"The humans?" Red Alert asked nervously.
"I will leave it to Starscream to decide how to deal with them, but there are many planets and satellites they do not even use, including some real estate on Titan that was recently vacated."