For Mine Eyes Only

by SilverWolf7

In a way to try and help Spock deal with the death of his mother, planet and everything with it, the ship counsellor tasks him to not openly express his emotions like a human would, but to write them down instead. He reluctantly agrees to it.

25. Lie

25

It has been a few days since I began work, and two weeks since feeling better.

I had thought the bad days were behind me, but I was wrong.

Today was a bad day.

It was not bad in the way it was before feeling better. It is less hurtful and more annoying, though the pain is still there and prominent. I woke up in noisy tears and was in a low mood for the majority of the day. I don't recall bad dreams. I don't recall any dreams at all.

I shouted at Lieutenant Sulu earlier after a remark that both was not worth the anger and was the answer to the Captain's question at the time. I was told to leave the bridge for a few minutes, and so I did. I apologised once I got back. I should have called in sick today, I think.

Hopefully I don't have as many days like this as I had beforehand.

Everyone on the bridge seemed to be asking if I was alright after that.

I lied and said I was.

I don't like lying. It is both not very Vulcan, and not a nice thing to do in the first place.

The bad mood I was in began lifting once my shift was over.

I think I need to put more time aside for meditation. It has helped me sort out my feelings for today with little problem and I am back to feeling calm and centred.

The Captain is at the door, wanting to speak to me about the incident earlier today.

I will be back tomorrow with a report on what this talk is about.