At the request of Iluvian Melody, though I'm sure this wasn't what he was expecting. Inspired by random chats AwesomeSaucelv8 and I have over PMs.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," Mizki murmured, petting it with a delicate hand. "Am I a girl, or a boy?"

"How would I know this?!" the spirit within the mirror materialized on the glass surface. "And stop petting me! What am I, a dog?"

Mizki sniffed. "You are a bitch sometimes."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"I thought so," Mizki smiled. "But seriously Neru, answer my question. Am I a guy or girl?"

The disembodied head tipped to the side, rather amused. "You are," she said dramatically. "Drum roll, please!"

The spirit may have known the answer to most things around here, but there was no denying the fact that she could be extremely bratty and overdramatic half the time. Mizki drummed at her thighs, waiting expectantly.

"Neither!" Neru announced. "You're androgynous!"

Mizki imagined smashing at the enchanted glass with a hammer. It was one she thought often, and never quite gave enough satisfaction anymore. "What?"

"You know, like an angel?" the spirit raised her eyebrows. "My word processor defines the word as 'blending masculine and feminine, neither male nor female in appearance but-'"

"I know what it means!" she interrupted. "I mean, you can't tell me what gender I am?"

Neru the spirit in the mirror snapped a pair of invisible fingers. "Girl, if you can't choose what gender you want to be, you can go and poison people."

Poison…

"I know!"

"What?"

"I'll go and poison people!" with that, the supposed-queen ran out of the small tower room, tripping on the long skirts of her dress every five steps or so.

"Plagiarism!" Neru screeched, but no one heard her.

XXX

Mizki hadn't exactly meant that she would poison people and kill them, like Neru had suggested, but that she would use a type of a poison to kill the guardian of a certain type of flower that would give her access to the heavenly garden where the legendary fruit tree was said to grow. With the fruit tree, she could sell magic fruit and then make enough money to buy the potion that would bring her true love to her, thus allowing her to confirm her gender. Foolproof plan.

And she would also refer to herself as female until results came, because she was too lazy to explain everything to everyone, and it would be rather degrading being called 'it'.

"Your Highness, your father sends his daily allowance of a treasure chest filled with gold coins!"

Mizki changed her mind. She decided that she would rather use up her allowance on the potion so that she'd be able to get some more from her father later.

XXX

Wrapped up in a cloak, and thus disguised as an ancient and ugly hag, Mizki snuck into the dark alley with her bag of gold. "Do you have the potion?"

Out of the darkness, a blue haired woman materialized. "Do you have my money?"

The sack was tossed to her, and she snatched it out of the air expertly. "Here."

She received an apple. A nice, pretty, shiny apple, but just an apple nonetheless. "Are you for cereal?"

The blue haired woman began to fade into the shadows with awesome ninja powers that Mizki found envying. She wanted awesome ninja powers! "Feed it to the person most beautiful."

"Wait, I don't eat it?" there was no answer. "But I want to eat it!"

In the darkness, Kaiko face-palmed.

XXX

Mizki ran up her stairs, and bust into the room. "Neru!" she yelled, face flushed with happiness.

"What's the magic sentence?" the words floated out of the glass framed with gold.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful of all?"

Neru materialized on screen. "Oh, Hell, you did not just ask me that question!" the blond spirit sassed.

Naturally, Mizki felt as if she had to sass back. "Oh, yes I did."

A contract poofed out of nowhere. "You swore you wouldn't make me answer that when you hired me!" Neru screeched. "Do you know how annoying it is when people ask me that? And then throw things at me when I don't say their names?"

"Shut up and tell me so I can feed them an apple!"

"…are you going to poison the person?"

"Yes."

Neru bit her lip, and then faded away for a while before letting the image of a beautiful person come up instead. Pale blond hair, blue eyes, a joyful smile…

"What's her name?"

"SeeU."

"Stalker."

"You're the one who wants to know this, and I'm the stalker?!"

"You're the one who actually knows this," Mizki swung her cloak on, and grabbed her apple. "See you!"

The mirror frothed at her mouth.

XXX

"Are you SeeU?"

The blond girl turned around. "Hm? Oh, yes, I am."

Mizki smiled. "Please, eat this apple."

It was an odd request, but SeeU had had odder. "Sure!"

One bite, and she fainted.

Mizki looked down. "Was that supposed to happen?"

A magic fairy godmother floated in. "Mizki," she announced. "I am your fairy godfather, Namine Ritsu."

Mizki frowned. Was her disguise not working so that this gender-confused person recognized her? Was her hair messed up? And more importantly… "Don't you mean mother?"

"I'm cross-dressing, damn it!" he tossed his red hair back, and smoothed the skirts he wore in irritation. "Anyways, gender confusion is common in our family. It is in our blood. Your father, I, and even you, we suffer from it."

"But as godfather, you're not really related to me," Mizki pointed out.

"Shut up! I can dream!" Ritsu took a deep breath. "Anyways, kiss the girl."

"Excuse me?"

"Kiss her, and if she's your true love, then she'll wake up."

Mizki frowned. "What if she's not?"

"Then she'll stay like that until she dies of starvation," Ritsu answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Why didn't the merchant tell me this?"

Ritsu sniffed. "Kaiko? She wants people to come to her for help so she can charge them."

"That's smart…"

"No it's not!"

"So I kiss SeeU?"

"Yes."

"But won't I get cooties?"

"Just. Kiss. Her."

Mizki bent down, sighing as she did so. How come Cinderella got all the nice godparents? Or maybe it was the fact that she had a godfather, rather than a godmother.

Her lips brushed lightly against the soft ones of the most beautiful one, and Mizki marvelled at the feeling of happiness she felt in wherever people felt, and felt the feeling place feel more as the girl opened her eyes.

XXX

"So after all that, you decided that you're going to be a girl?" Neru raised her eyebrows. "Why?"

"I'm a lesbian!" SeeU announced proudly. "I only go for girls."

"That's my girl," Mizki clapped her new consort on her back.

And they lived happily ever after, until Neru spread the story just a wee bit differently via mass texting, naming it what is now called 'Snow White'.

The word processor Neru used is Microsoft Word.