Warning: Excessive cursing. Lotta mistakes until I feel like fixing them.
Scorpius' Point of View:
Rose Weasley. The only girl that can make my life a living hell by ignoring me for weeks. And I mean really ignoring me. I'd bet everything I have that one time she walked right through me! I don't doubt it either because she has the skill and intelligence but I have to admit, pretty freaky. It's like she doesn't even see me anymore. No matter how many times I try to corner her in the hallway. Nowadays she's just never alone. She always has one of her friends by her side. They don't need to know our problems and I bet she doesn't want them to so I'll just leave it. I'll have to wait until she forgets about what happened or whatever so I can bring it back up and get hexed. Doesn't sound like such a good plan now that I think about it.
Okay, occasionally she will shoot me a quick glance in the halls or something but that's not a good thing. It's more like a warning than a glance. It's only for about a second, though it's still really intimidating. I mean when she looks at me like that it's like she's saying "I'm not pregnant yet but if I do get there I'm going rip off your manly parts."
Let's talk about what I would do if she's actually pregnant. First of all, I have a number of options.
1. Be killed by Rose.
2. Be killed by her father.
3. Be killed by my father.
4. Be killed by numerous cousins.
5. Obliviate her. (No, I would never do this.)
6. Obliviate myself. (How the hell would they work out though?)
7. Steal said baby, (Juuuust kidding.)
8. Give an "I'm not ready to be a father..." speech and cry about how my father was not a good role model.
9. Get myself put in Azkaban.
10. Have a baby... YAY! (Only possible if those other nine options fail.)
Number #7 is a surefire way to get off the hook.
Merlin... Why do girls have to be so difficult? Why can't they all be normal? If there's one thing I learned from all my dating is that there's different types. Allow me to go down the list for you. Well, just the basics of course.
1. The Magnet:
The girl who will cling to you like there's no tomorrow. She needs to know that you love her and think she's beautiful
every fricking second. Can be noted as insecure and will play dumb if you try
to break up with her. You should only date her if you're a hopeless romantic and don't care about ending things.
2. Miss Independent:
The most important thing you need to know about her is that is independent. She does not need to date anyone.
In fact, she has no clue why she's even dating you. You're way out of her league.
Well, that's what she thinks.
3. The Turtle:
A firm believer in the saying 'Slow and steady wins the race."
With her, you've just entered the slowest relationship ever seen before. Not until marriage? I think so.
4. The Teacher:
No you're not going to be actually banging your teacher but she's smart enough to be.
Of course it's absolutely okay to be smart but she's constantly correcting you.
It's not your fault you're not an encyclopedia.
5. Why The Hell Isn't She A Guy?:
This one's pretty obvious. There's always that girl who's just like a guy.
You might even wonder if she pees standing up. Just saying.
6. Competition:
Typical heart breaker. No she's not a whore. But that doesn't mean she doesn't get around.
She can get as many guys as you can girls. And you can't get beat by a girl.
Also known as The Player.
7. Man Hater:
Do take caution with this one. She hates men. Why? No one knows.
It's best not to ask either because "all men are the same". Completely biased for some reason.
8. The Slut:
Oh, c'mon! You had to have seen this one coming. There's always a slut.
A complete slag. Not to mention a flirt. One relationship to another.
This one really gets around. Better start checking how many of your friends she's gotten to already.
9. The Bitch:
The most commonly found type of them all.
She's a bitch. Need I say more? She wants to kill everyone.
She hates everyone. She just hates that you fucking exist and likes to make it known.
10. Bye-bye Galleons:
Once you start dating her you have to ask yourself "Where the fuck is my money going?" It's her.
Easy as that. Forget what you look like and all that other bull crap.
That money is looking really nice to her. And just like that you've closed the deal if you buy her something.
11. The Mess Up:
The friend who you end up dating after all those rumors and saying you didn't even like her.
A completely bad idea but it's not that easy to break off.
12. The One You Just Can't Figure Out:
You can wonder all you want if she's bipolar or not but you'll never know.
She has multiple personalities and can fit into two or more of these categories.
Yeah, some might be bad attributes but overall she's perfect.
Basically... I'm confused. Bewildered. Perplexed. Stuff like that. Wouldn't you be?
She said there was nothing to apologize for but yet I still feel that it's necessary to apologize for something that isn't even my fault. Okay maybe it is partially my fault but why should I have to admit to it if she won't? Can't that be marked as sexism? This is why I don't date people like Rose. Eh, who am I kidding? There's no one else like her. I wouldn't even mind dating her. I wouldn't mind a lot of other stuff that involves her, too. And you didn't hear that from me! Keep your mouth shut or I'll be forced to do it for you!
I've tried forgetting about everything but I'm bloody desperate. There! I said it. I've actually contemplated getting down on my hands and knees and begging her. What I was going to beg her for? I don't even know, which makes this situation that much stupider. What the hell would I look like begging a girl to be enemies again? An idiot, that's what. I imagine it'd go something like this:
Setting: The Great Hall
Dialogue: *Note: I am the best gentleman in the whole world. This is how I truly speak.
Me: "Oh, Rosie-o. Oh, Rosie-o. Wherefore art thou, Rosie-o?"
Rose: "Over here. Where the fuck else would I be? God, servants are so fucking dumb!"
Me: "I am most sorry, dear maiden. Please accept my most humblest of apologizes. For your servant is dumb and has forsaken his master. Dearest maiden, the sexiest of all the sexy, the bravest of all the brave, the smartest of all the smart people... Please, let us make amends."
Actions: She'll smack me around a bit after all that and still not accept my apologize. Even if she put me in the hospital wing.
Now on to more important scenarios. Such as if she actually ends up getting pregnant. In which she will most likely plan, schedule, and organize my death because she's crazy. Yeah, sometimes she might seem like an ordinary girl who just gets a little angry sometimes but that's a lie. I'm surprised no one's referred her to a therapist yet. Maybe I should. I'll think about it. Depends on how much physical and emotional pain I can tolerate that day. Did I tell you that Rose has a way of verbally abusing people?
"Oi, Malfoy! When are you going to stop sulking around?"
Because of course when I'm actually doing something productive, for me, someone has to interrupt. Not that I really mind. I mean I'm pretty sure no one wants to think about the day they're going to die. Productive is equal to every single thing I do. As a matter of fact, maybe I should write my will. You think Albus would be good at something like that?
"I am NOT sulking!"
No really. I am in no way sulking. There's nothing to 'sulk' about. Just because I'm not interested in being active does not mean I'm sulking. Whatever. That's a stupid word anyway. I'm just resting and thinking. Not that anyone in the area at the moment would know what the latter is. Hell, I barely do it half of the time so I don't have much 'room to talk'.
"It's okay to admit it, Constellation."
"Stop calling me that, Elijah." That got him to shut up.
Seriously, I don't understand why Zabini doesn't like his name. Elijah is at least somewhat normal. He's lucky he didn't get stuck with the family who has a thing for stars. He could have been named Equuleus instead. In all honesty, the guy lucked out while I'm stuck with a name like Scorpius. I think my family has this grudge where they name their kids weird names because they got stuck with one. A matter of revenge, really. Imagine that. That'll be going on for years and years and years. I guess it'll only be fair for me to name my child Horologium or Monoceros. That is, if I have one. Imagine if Rose got pregnant with my child. HILARIOUS! Going to throw myself in front of the Hogwarts Express next year.
"I don't see what the problem is with names. It's just a name." Says our wise friend Noah. He only says that because he has a normal name. Which would explain why everyone turned around and glared at him. Even Albus, who was surprisingly here.
"You only say that because you got blessed with a normal name." I complained because honestly it's not fair.
"Zabini does too." Albus interjected matter-of-factly.
Yes, Albus is allowed to complain also. His full name is not exactly worth throwing a party for. I mean Albus Severus? Not exactly not special. I guess you could say that me and Albus are in the same boat on that one. Though my name is still worst. Scorpius Hyperion sounds likes kind of disease or something. Makes me wonder why I didn't ever think of changing my name before. I've gotten used to it.
"In what sense is Elijah normal?" Zabini questioned looking immensely interested in Albus' answer. Whatever that was going to be.
"Well... well... just be glad you weren't named something like Scorpius." So as you can see, Albus is a bloody little traitor. He even started laughing. That's it! I'm naming my child Ragnarok whether it be a boy or a girl. It's either that, Asthatrack or Hiphyhensnameanein. Which is neither a name or anything of existence in this world. Let's see how far they make it in the world with a name like that. I'm only kidding. Merlin. Don't get your panties in a bunch.
"Hey, Al. Did you hear about your cousin?" Nott asked changing the subject.
"Which one?"
He laughed at that before saying, "Rose. I heard she was dating McLaggen now. Just thought you ought to know since I love you and all." I mean it's not everyday you meet someone who has about a million freaking cousins. I take that back. There's enough Weasleys for everyone and everyday!
And just in case you're wondering... No, I do not know the sexual preference of Noah Nott. I will tell you that he plays for both teams though. Last year he had this thing for Albus, which was hilarious I might add. Albus was with Destiny so yeah. Kind of weird to have some guy flirting with your 'straight' boyfriend all the time. I'm surprised she didn't think Albus was gay or anything. I don't think a lot of people know that Noah is bisexual so... yeah. Not that anyone would care much. He's a regular 'chick magnet' or so Violet liked to say. Too bad she never got the chance to date him. Her heart would have gotten broken anyway. It's just what he does. Hmm. He's growing up to be perfect. I taught him well.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I just processed that he said that he heard that Rose is dating McLaggen. Excuse me while I go throw myself from the Astronomy Tower in attempt to rid the world of myself. Or rid myself of the world. Same difference. For some reason I have the idea that she's doing this just to tear me apart. How nice.
Random question: If Rose got pregnant what do you think she'd do about it? Never mind. I don't even want to think about it. Rose doesn't seem like the type who will ever get pregnant. Though that isn't exactly helping anything. Fuck it. The best I can do is hope that that doesn't happen. Or if it does, no one particularly violent, who hates me, finds out. Did I mention that these are the thoughts that have been running through my head constantly for the last few days? It's nonstop. I'm going to lose it sooner or later. And all because I made one simple mistake. A fucking mistake that will be worth it, I might add. If only I could remember half the stuff that happened.
"Go tell James. I couldn't care less. Rose has her reasons. Something like that won't last long at all." Albus said with a shrug. I just hope he's right. Haha. Just kidding. She can do whatever she wants when it doesn't involve me. I don't really care. Or do I? I don't. Or do I? I feel like I've been repeating myself.
After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that I should just release every piece of information that I know. What order the information shall be in is completely random. Well, I actually just want to have a reason to say that Albus broke up with Destiny. Noah's going to tap that now. Can we get the man a round of applause? In fact, let's have another round of applause for those people who have noticed that my thoughts jump around a lot from time to time. It's nothing to worry about.
Dang it! Just the word 'worry' makes me think about the whole situation with Rose. It's like my thoughts are just running in an endless circle. That makes no sense. Isn't a circle always endless anyway? I mean it has no beginning, thus it has no end, thus it'll always be endless. But then again, does any shape ever end? I mean sure they have the freaking edges, vertices and all that crap but do they exactly end? Does life ever end?
Let's talk about life... I'm thinking about her again. Damn me and all the mistakes I make.
Totally tuned out of the conversation for a while. I just happened to remember. Doesn't really matter though because when I blinked all eyes seemed to be on me. Why? I have no clue. It's not like I just blurted out that I'm gay or something. That brings back memories... When we found out that Nott was 'undecided' he just sort of came into the room and said "You know, I like guys. Girls are pretty nice, too." What do you even say to something like that.
"What!"
"Nothing!" They said simultaneously. Weird.
Yeah right. They're lucky I'm too messed up in the mind already to give a fuck. But something in my head is telling me that it's about Rose or something. Still, I have more important things to think about... like actual problems with Rose. Is it wrong that I'm thinking about developing a relationship with Noah now. At least he wouldn't get pregnant.
So, yeah. That leads me to the point of why I was looking for the youngest Potter. She gets around. No, not in that kind of way. Although, I'm sure James wouldn't mind. He could always use some new prey to slay. In fact, he can count it as early Auror training. Or experience as a Chaser and a Beater for Quidditch. Trust me. I've seen some of the people on the receiving end of James' 'protectiveness', or whatever the hell he was calling it these days, overall it's not a pretty sight.
Anyway, back to Lily. I'm fucking desperate. And yes I'm going to keep repeating that until I get what I want. That'll probably be never so... Either way, she's my friend and she's Rose's cousin and who better to ask about Rose than her cousin. Who's actually a girl because I could have asked Albus but I doubt he knows as much as his sister. I also could have asked Stephanie but it's too late now. I forgot about her for a second and I wouldn't want Rose to start assuming things. Not that she actually would because apparently I don't exist anymore. Kind of a harsh treatment if you ask me. It's like you're not even good enough to be acknowledged anymore.
"Mini Little Potter." I called as I caught with Lily in the hallway. What the fuck is up with everything happening the hallways these days?
"Haven't I told you to stop calling me that? It's Lily Luna!"
"Yes, yes but I have a question for you. An important question."
Merlin, if you would have seen the look on her face. At first I thought she was just really happy I was talking to her, I know egotist and lalala, but when I actually thought about it, I knew I was way off. Never trust Lily Luna Potter. She may be a Gryffindor like half of her family but she could have very well been in Slytherin with Albus. Sneaky and sly. Maybe it's because she's the youngest. I don't know. I just don't trust her that much. There's always something on the side... Always.
"Is this about Rose?" She asked.
For a second I stood there staring at her. Was it really that obvious that I was trying to talk to Rose? Or something along those lines? I think Lily's like a sort of seer or something. Either that or she just likes to be in other people's business a lot. Damn interloper.
Before I could even respond she was dragging to a slightly less populated area. Yeah, I don't know how to explain it without it sounding like we're going to have intercourse. Once you've had one cousin, you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT have the others. That's just wrong. Same with the sisters, or brothers if you're a girl, or if you like the same sex. Whatever. I don't really feel like explaining myself. You just don't do it. You might as well just bang the whole family. Hell, do it in order if you want.
"You just earned me a bunch of money, good friend."
Like I said before. Never trust her. There's always a second motive somewhere in there. She draws you in by being all friendly and looking so innocent and then she drops the act. Just like now for example. Friendly conversation then apparently she had a bet going on in which I just earned her a bunch of money. It's only fair that I get like a fourth, right? Anyone agree? I mean if I didn't come and ask her she wouldn't be getting anything at all. At least that's what I think. Lily has a mild gambling addiction. Well, at least she wins.
"How can I be of assistance?" Because apparently this is sort of like some kind of business thing we got going on here.
"How do you get her to forgive you?"
"Elaborate."
One... two... three... four... I forget what comes after four because I'm trying to think of how to elaborate. I can't tell Lily any more about me and Rose than she already knows so what exactly can I say? Oh, I know. I'll tell her that Rose and I shagged, she might be pregnant, I've suddenly become invisible and now I don't know what the fuck to do because I'm invisible. Yeah that's all very fine and dandy but once you tell one person something, you're telling everyone. Not that I don't think Lily can keep her mouth shut, because I do, it's just that I don't think I should. Knowing Rose, she'd probably hang both me and Lily if she had to. One-way ticket to Azkaban anyone?
I decided to just say whatever the hell spotted into my head. It came out a little something like "I fucked... up. We fucked up. Overall, she wants to make sure that I never see the light of day again."
Lily, being the curious person she is, looked as though she wanted to say something but she didn't. Thank her because I probably would have just spilled everything. That would make for some pretty awkward conversation, huh?
"The thing about Rose is that you have to give her nothing to actually give her something." Lily explained with a shrug of her shoulders like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ooooooohhhh! It's all starting to make sense now. I lied. How the hell was I supposed to know that? It doesn't even make the slightest of sense. So I tell Lily that and she just shrugs again. She doesn't care about my problems. She's a traitor.
"Can you just tell me what to do?" I ask because I have other things to do. And I'm desperate, once again. Points for whoever knows how many times I said that. 'Desperate' I mean.
"What do you give Rose?"
"Sp-"
I was going to say space but Lily cut me off, before I could finish, with her shout of "Attention!" I have say that she really scared me with that one. I thought there was a fire or something. Of course that's the good thing about magic, I wouldn't even care if there was a fire but I like exaggeration. Anyway... What was the point in asking the question if she already knew the answer and was just going to cut me off? That wasted about fifty nanoseconds of my time. I don't have that much time to spare.
"So..."
"Oh... er, give her the opposite." she said dully. Am I that boring?
"So you're saying..."
"Yup. Give up."
I don't think I should ever feel this much doubt in something I'm about to do.
Author's Note: HOLY FUCK SCHOOL IS A FUCKING DRAG! Just had to get that out. I have a lot of stuff to do with violin and piano, and choir and all those shenanigans. God. I have yet to check this chapter so I just don't give a fuck. Don't criticize me though. I got things to do. I have two papers to write right now so yeah. Gonna cut it short. Once I get everything together the chapters will be going up fast again so yeah. Don't feel like correcting anything. Will do when I's be having the times. I forgot to tell you to enjoy. Enjoy. This story fucking sucks. Working on a new one though.