Episode 17

October 23rd

What are you afraid of?

Nothing.

You're lying

I'm not.

You can't run from it forever. You have to get up and face the day.

I can't.

Can't? Or won't?

I…. I don't know.

The Sun is waiting. Get up.

Who are you?

Get up Arinna.

My eyes were opening before I could stop them.

Being sedated is the oddest thing in the world.

…How many out there can say that when they first wake up, huh? Probably a lot now that I think about it. A lot of people in hospitals probably wake up from being sedated all the time.

….Where was I again?

Oh yeah, I ended up sleeping for almost two days straight before I finally woke up. I was alone at first, but it didn't take long for Conner to run up and check on me. Realizing I was awake, he was at my side in an instant, asking me questions, wondering if I needed anything.

A new brain would be lovely, I wanted to say. The words didn't seem to want to come out though, so I laid there… like a worm. An Arinna worm. A Worminna.

Brain, seriously? Can we focus?

I can't seem to think straight today. Or any day for that matter. Focus, Conner is talking to you. What was going on again?

"Stay right there." He said after asking his 8th question and getting no reply. It was only then that I realized he was asking me questions. Whoops. "I'm going to go get Red Tornado." He was off. I watch him go, wearily aware that I wasn't in my room, I was in the infirmary. That was never a good thing to wake up to.

Scanning the room, I frowned at the bag of water, or what that is called connected to my arm. Forcing myself to sit up, feeling more sluggish than soar, I threw my legs over the side of the bed.

It was an exercise.

I shivered, hugging my arms for warmth. The days event hit me like a brick. The death, the stress, the pain. I remember it all.

None of it was real. That part I could understand, even push pass, but…

Oh jeez, I lost it. I didn't just lose it, I went completely nuts after I woke up from the exercise. I thought I had already experienced a mental break down, but nothing was compared to that night. They had to flippin' sedate me. Sedate me!

I didn't want to worry any one before, well, too late for that! Pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed heavily.

"Arinna." Red Tornado was in the room a second later. "How are you feeling?"

It was a strange question. Was I suppose to be feeling something right now, or would it all just be a lie like last time?

I lowered my hand back to my side, giving him a long look as if the answer should be obvious, even to him. He didn't say anything. Guess he was waiting for me to answer.

Wracking my brain for that required answer, I felt almost relived at the heavy feeling that seemed to be on my heart. Instead of answering, I closed my head and let out a breath, shaking my head.

Horrible Tornado. I'm feeling Horrible.

As if getting the message Red Tornado moved to check my vitals. "You appear to be fine physically. I shall make Bat Man aware. I ask you stay in bed until my return." He moved pass Conner without a word and moved down the hall. Conner watched him go before moving to me.

"Hey." He said. "We were worried about you." His voice sounded different. It wasn't full or energy or some snarky attitude. It was dull and heavy. "It's been a few days. Everyone is alright though." He paused. "Well… kind of." He shrugged. "Everyone has kind of locked themselves up in their rooms or their homes. You were asleep and uh… it's good to have you back." He frowned, "Arinna?" he sat at the end of the bed, staring at me. "Can you hear me?"

I nodded.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

I couldn't. The words wouldn't come out, no matter how much I tried. I just… couldn't.

Perhaps Conner understood, or perhaps he just decided to leave it be till later, but he hugged me. It was warm and comforting, but there was something missing from it.

Something I couldn't quite place. As if Conner wasn't fully there in the hug. He wasn't here to just comfort me he was there… to perhaps get comforted himself. I dunno. Maybe that is just wistful thinking.

000Later0000

It's been a week since I woke up. Nothing was wrong with me physically so I was able to get around fine on my own, but I could feel everyone's looks when I walked by.

As if they were waiting for me to fall over or have another episode.

I don't know what I was expecting either. When ever I stood up I would pause and wait for something to happen. As if I expected myself to have another break down. When nothing happened I just went to my room.

I spent a lot of time there and on the top of the cave. Like everyone else, I secluded myself to solitude.

I could really use my own fortress of solitude right now. Wonder if Super Man would mind if I asked to borrow it or something.

Probably wouldn't end well.

The last person I want to talk to right now is Super Man. Or anyone for that matter. The League had other plans though.

We had to attend therapy.

I actually had to look that word up after they told me about it because I had no idea what they were talking about. It's apparently a treatment to help me heal or what not. Cause of course, there is something wrong with me.

The League said that it was required and we couldn't skip it. They told us this like they knew we wouldn't want to go through it. I guess they know us better than I thought.

But they convinced us, saying that they were there to help us heal. That talking would help and that they were there for us, bah blah blah.

I wanna think they were being truthful. It would be Black Canary that would be giving us therapy. Man Hunter would talk with us too, but he probably thought it was a bad idea.

After all, he was the one who lost control of the exercise, despite assuring all of us that it would be safe. He isn't all to blame though. The exercise might not have ended up as badly as it did if it wasn't for Bat Man ordering it to be a fail mission.

Had we had a chance in that world to save everyone, to have a chance of winning, everything would have been different. But with it being a fail mission, it only made it worse. That despite out efforts, nothing we did worked. That was the hard part. The feeling of complete helplessness as everyone around you perished.

I might not have felt that, but thinking about it, if I could have felt something, I would have felt the same as everyone else.

…Probably. I don't really know anymore.

Moving quietly in the hall, I glanced at the clock. My session was in an hour. Not excited for it.

Moving into the kitchen, I made a straight cut for the fridge. I wasn't hungry. I haven't been hungry for days. I had to eat though. I kept forgetting to and didn't realize when two days would pass. I think I'm already enough of a twig as it is, I don't need to look like a skeleton.

Opening the fridge I grabbed one of those circular peanut butter sandwiches in the bags and opened it. Forcing myself to takes small bites and swallow it down, I plopped against the couch. The team slowly shuffled in after me.

M'gann was starting to make dinner and ended up stirring the same bowl of eggs and flour for a good 30 minutes. The others were all leaning against the walls and chairs, staring at the ground with dead eyes.

I found myself staring at the back of Wally's head. I haven't talked to Wally since the exercise. Actually, I haven't talked with anyone. I felt mute.

Whether I was alone or with others, I didn't speak, even when asked a question. Bat Man assumed I had hurt my vocal cords some how, but Red Tornado assured him that they were fine. It was a mental thing apparently.

He told me I would talk when I was ready.

Starting to think I'll never be ready.

000- Wally -000

Black Canary was glaring at him. The second he walked into the room, with a bowl of snacks for some reason, he plopped down and commenced to eat them.

"Sup." He nodded.

"Wally." She greeted. She frowned at he tossed some of the chips he had up, catching them with his mouth. "I-"

"Hey, when is this gonna be done?" he asked casually. "Cause I got stuff I'd like to do today."

"You say that as if you don't need this session." Canary raised her eye brow

"I really don't." he snorted.

Canary was quiet. It wasn't until Wally moved to lay upside down on the couch and throw himself chips that she sighed, "So, you want me to believe that after everything you went through, including your own death from firey explosion… you're peachy."

"I'm fairly certain I never used the word peachy." He said. "But yeah I think you got the idea." He agreed.

Black Canary raised her eye brow and folded her arms. "So-" she said just as casually as he attempted to make his appearance. "You don't wish to talk about your extreme reaction to Artemis' death." It was a low blow, but it had to be said.

Wally was choking on his chips a second later, sitting up to catch his breath. Coughing a few times, he swallowed hard, frowning at her. Unable to admit it himself, he quickly moved to another topic, "I-I'd rather talk about you Babe." He said, munching on another chip.

"Wally. You're in denial." She said bluntly.

"I'm comfortable with that." He folded his arms. Or, attempted to through the cast he still had around his arm.

"Comfortable." She said. "Then you are comfortable with how things are with Arinna right now?"

He flinched. "How did you- did she tell you about that?" he asked hesitantly.

"No. Robin did. Arinna hasn't spoken a word since the exercise." Black Canary said.

"…Not even to you." Wally glanced away. "Jeez." He wrung his hands together. A motion Canary had seen several times before from the Flash when he was nervous. The two were so much alike. "Think she will?"

"This isn't about her right now Wally, this is about you."

"Well I don't really need this." He frowned.

"You sure about that?"

He was quiet. "What happened, happened." He looked away. "I can't change that. Artemis didn't die. No one did."

"But you did yell at Arinna."

"I didn't know that it-!" he rose to his feet to argue a point, but cut himself off. Sighing, he lowered himself back to the chair. "If I had known what she was going through I wouldn't have said any of that. If I had known that it wasn't real like she did… But I didn't. Yes, I yelled at her. I made her think she was this horrible person and she cried. That was real. I can't blame the exercise for that. That was all me."

"Wally." Canary frowned. "Have you apologized to her?"

'No." he tightened his grip on the bowl. "I don't know how."

"Don't know how?" she inquired.

"Well I mean, I know how." He corrected himself. "But if I do, would she even forgive me?"

"You know she would Wally."

"Maybe that's the problem." He scoffed. "I don't feel like I deserve to be forgiven. I was so caught up in-" he trailed off, his pride getting the better of him.

"Don't hold it in Wally." Black Canary said softly. "Nothing leaves this room."

He wavered, "I… I was so caught up with what was going on. I was so obsessed with finding a way to prove Artemis was alive. I wasn't even trying to prove to the team she was, but to myself. When Arinna said she felt nothing, I was so angry. Now that I think about it, she didn't say it in a mean way or anything. She was saying it like she was confused. She wanted me to explain like I always did. Instead of understanding though, I yelled at her. Turned her confusion into a fear. How can I face her after doing that?"

"Wally, admitting what you did wrong is the first step. Knowing Arinna, I am positive she doesn't think ill of you at all and is thinking more of her own morals. Hearing you apologize, assuring her that she isn't some horrible person, might just help her push pass this."

He nodded numbly. "You're… probably right."

She smiled, "And Wally?"

"Hmm?"

"It's okay to feel what you felt."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"When Artemis died. It was okay to feel the way you did. To worry about her and want her to be safe. Anyone would. I know if that happened to Green Arrow, I would be exactly in your shoes."

"But that is because he is your boy friend. You love him." Wally snorted. She gave him a long look, as if it showed be obvious to what she meant.

Blinking a few times, his eyes widened. "W-Whoa! Wait a minute-" he jumped to his feet. "I don't got those kind of feelings for her! S-She's just a friend. An annoying team mate is all." He waved his hands around frantically.

"If you say so." Canary smiled.

0000 Arinna 0000

Therapy sessions are… odd.

Do all therapist have little mini water falls in their office? Cause as soon as I learned I had to go through therapy I started looking and movie clips and books about it. A lot of them had some sort of water object of some kind in the room.

Maybe it represents tranquility or something like that?

"How are you feeling today Arinna?"

I shrugged at her.

"Any pain? Head Aches?"

I shook my head no.

I wondered what sort of questions I would be asked. If I was even asked questions? Or did we just kind of talk about random things until we subtle got to what was bugging us?

Seated in a chair across from her, I folded my hands in my lap and listened quietly to what she had to say. It started with her explaining how therapy worked in case I was confused on anything. She assured me that whatever we spoke about would stay in this room and no one else would know about it.

I believed her, but I wasn't willing to do it regardless.

"Arinna." Black Canary leaned forward. "Arinna." She said again. I glanced at her. Her eyes were wide with concern. "Is there anything you would like to ask before we start?" she asked.

I shook my head.

She lowered her head and nodded. "Very well. She said softly. "It's been a whole week. You haven't spoke a single word since…" she trailed off. "Since the exercise."

I shrugged.

"Arinna, I can't understand what is going on if you don't talk to me. It's not a weakness to open up to your friends. None of them will judge you or be angry with you."

She said that like I didn't already know that. I know it's not a weakness. And I know.. I… scratch that. I Don't know.

They won't be mad.

Hah. Yeah right. I tried to tell Wally how I felt last time and he got mad. He got really mad…

"We all want to help you."

I found no point in talking. No one saw what I saw, and I'm never going to want to talk about it. Ever. I would prefer to not be thought of as an insane girl who sees little boys covered in blood.

…Bad thought to go to Arinna. Get it out of your head.

Seeing that I went pale, Black Canary frowned. "Is everything alright?"

I frowned at her.

She sighed, lowering her gaze. She spoke softly, "I can't even imagine how you felt. To see all of your friends, in another word, your family, die in front of you and feel nothing. To question your own morality and self, when you still don't fully understand who you are." She paused. Expecting me to react or say something, she continued. "I know you don't want to talk about this Arinna. You want to push pass it like nothing ever happened, but it did happen. And it took it's toll on both your body and mind. I'm here to help."

I sat in silence, hoping that my time with Canary would end quickly so I could return to my room. This whole session has been going exactly the same. She speaks, I listen. She asks for me to reply, I stay silent. I can't bring myself to speak.

I don't know what I'll say if I do.

"Arinna.." she said again. "Keeping quiet won't change the fact that those things happened. I promise you I can help you if you let me. I want to… know what you were talking about when you mentioned a boy after you woke up from the exercise."

My grip tightened around my sleeve. When she opened her mouth to say more I rose to my feet and turned to the door.

"Arinna." She jumped after me.

Opening the door, I slammed it behind me.

She was right in what she said. She didn't understand. How can someone who knows who she is, who knows everything good or bad thing she's done in her past understand how I feel?

I don't care about the exercise anymore. At the time, it terrified me. But when Bat Man and Man Hunter explained what happened, that it wasn't my fault for not feeling anything, I felt better.

I only wanted to know why I felt that way during it and I know now. I've moved on from that.

What bothers me… what still shows up in my nightmares, is the boy. The question of what I did to hurt that boy. What I've done in general in my past. Blood has been spilt by my hands.

How can Canary possible understand the fear of doing something horrible, but having no recollection of what that is?

Knowing nothing of yourself and feeling that… feeling that everything around you is just one lie ready to blow up at any minute. The team and what they do isn't a lie. This cave isn't a lie. The league and the people I've met, they are all real.

…But what if I'm not? Why was I in Cadmus? What was my role? What is the extent of my powers? Every time I activate them its happens at random and I don't know what's going to come out when I use them. What if one day I try to activate them and something horrible happens? What if instead of hitting the bad guy I lose control of it and hurt some one else… hurt someone I care about? Like the team…

Most of these are the same questions I've always had. But it was different now. I didn't think my memories would hold anything horrible before. Now I do.

And my only clue to all of this, was Philadelphia.

Even saying it the name felt familiar. Was I willing though? After everything I had just been through, seeing the blood on my hands. Was I willing to look for my past? To delve into that question. Would I like what I find…?

I stopped outside my room to hit my head against the wall in frustration. Conner peeked out of his room to stare at me. I didn't say anything.

"Thought you still had another 20 minutes in your session?"

I scowled at him.

"…Bad Therapy session?" he asked. My scowl deepened, "Taking that as a yes." He folded his arms and leaned against his door frame. "Mine was supposed to be after yours. Guess I gotta go now." He pushed himself forward. As he passed he patted my head.

I didn't move until he was gone. Glancing over my shoulder, I narrowed my eyes and moved into my room.

To some extent, I wanted to tell Conner about the address I saw. I wanted him to come with. Out of everyone, he was probably the only that could understand what I was going through. At least a little.

But wanting to know who you are, why you're here… wondering what you're suppose to do. Conner understood that. Not amnesia obviously, but similar to me, he has no memories pass Cadmus. But that is simply because he has none.

Him at least understanding that far is better than nothing though. I don't want to worry him, but I get the feeling that can't be avoided.

So I guess that means, if I want to push pass this, I'm going to have to go investigate.

On my own. I don't want the others to come with. I can't ask them to come help me deal with my problems when they still haven't pushed pass their own.

Grabbing my bag I put a few supplies inside. Wallet, map- I paused when I reached for my cape. Staring at it, I hesitantly place it on, followed by the mask.

Just to be safe.

Then I grabbed the shell necklace. I made the mistake of not wearing this during the exercise. Not doing that again. Placing it on, I almost felt relief. It was odd, feeling so much comfort from something so small.

I could always bring Kaldur along…

No, I couldn't do that. Kaldur is just as upset with what happened as everyone else. I should just leave him alone so he can think. This was something I have to- no, something I should do on my own.

Building my courage I moved out the door and towards the hanger.

I didn't want to take the Zata tube when I left. The League could track where I went and would probably follow me. I could at least get there fast with a less chance of being followed through the Arinna Mobile.

Hopping in, I clicked the red button.

Activating. How may I assist Ms. Arinna?

I typed in the address.

"Would you like to travel to 5131 Ludlow Street. Philadelphia?"

I typed in yes.

"Would you like to commence Maximum overdrive?"

I hesitated. Maximum overdrive is fast and I would probably get there pretty quickly, but I felt sick for several hours the last time I agreed to it. It even made Conner throw up, and he's a super boy. My fingers hesitating over the 'Yes" button, I heard the door open.

It was Bat Man. He must have noticed I opened the main doors leading outside the hanger bay. "Arinna!' he called to me, anger in his voice. He hadn't given me permission to leave. In fact, I hadn't even run it by him that I was leaving.

Not like I always did. There were plenty of times Conner and me just left without telling anyone, but no one said anything about that. So I don't see why I suddenly need to let him know…

"Get out of that, now." He commanded, close to reaching me now.

Well, he's not my guardian, my mentor, and I'm feeling real double thoughts on calling him my friend after the stuff he put us through. How could he not give us that little detail that, "Oh, hey! By the way, this exercise; yeah, it's a train to fail mission. Have fun!"

Was that so hard?

Feeling like a delinquent teenager, I pressed the button. I was starting to feel like Conner more and more every day. I yelped as the Arinna Mobile shot out of the cave and angled up to the sky.

Ugh… yup… here comes the nausea. Covering my mouth to stop myself from puking, I frowned when my communicator activated.

"Arinna, return to the cave." Bat Man commanded. I plucked the communicator out of my ear and frowned at it.

"Would you like to dispose of that till later Ms. Arinna?"

Blinking at my car I nodded hesitantly. When a little container popped up from the dash board I dropped it inside and watched it sink back down into the dash board.

Man my car was cool.

Well… I'm doing this. Here we go…

Yeah…

Oh jeez, what am I thinking? This has bad idea written all over it. But there is no way I am prying my hands off my seats to stop this crazy ride with it in Maximum Overdrive. So I'll just have to deal till we get there.

If nothing else I suppose I could just go sight seeing. Or something…

0000Conner0000

Arinna was really not up to therapy. I've never been through it either, so I was almost glad she went first to see how it went. She didn't seem to like it.

I'm starting to see why.

"I can only imagine how devastating it was; loosing your friends, in essence, you're family." Black Canary said. "Convinced all the time it was completely real."

It was real, at the time. I felt it completely. But-

My hands tightened, rolling into fists. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to listen to everything that I should have felt and didn't.

I didn't feel- I mean I …

"I'm sure it must have been horrible for you." She continued to talk about what she thought I felt. What I was suppose to feel.

I didn't though. How could I admit to that? That I didn't feel horrible about that exercise?

Instead, I stayed quiet. I feel like I was starting to understand why Arinna hadn't said anything in a week. It's easier to stay quiet. I could avoid the problem longer.

Perhaps avoiding wasn't the best option, but there was no way I was dealing with the alternative right now. Perhaps if I stayed quiet long enough, Canary would just drop this whole thing and leave me alone.

"I understand." Black Canary sighed.

No you don't. Stop talking to me like you do.

"You're a Super Boy. You're not suppose to have feelings of sadness or vulnerability-"

I rose to my feet. I'm gonna take a note out of Arinna's book and leave before my session is over.

"You don't know what I feel." I growled, moving to the door.

"Conner!"

"Just leave me alone!" I slammed through the doors, practically yanking them off the hinges. It was times like these when I really needed to get out and get some air. I attempted to invite Arinna, figuring she needed the same, but when I knocked on the door, she didn't answer. Wasn't even in there.

Unsure to where she was, I growled in frustration and made a straight cut for my bike. Wolf followed after me. Glad for the quiet company, I got on.

"Tornado! Hanger door!" I called. The doors automatically began to lift themselves up.

Starting the engine to my bike, I frowned when Sphere rolled in front of me. I frowned at it. "Sphere, out of the way." It made a weird nose. Confused to what it wanted, my eyes doubled in size when it began to… move.

Not just roll around, no, it began to literally transform. If Arinna was here, I'm sure she would say something like Sphere was secretly a transformer. Which couldn't be because they turned into- Sphere just turned into a bike.

Sphere is a transformer.

Shocked, Wolf and me gawked at Sphere. When could it do this?! It's like the Arinna Mobile! But bike form!

Oh yeah, definitely taking Sphere instead. Hoping off my bike, I hesitantly circled sphere. It was so cool. Grinning at Wolf I motioned for him to get on. Jumping on, I gripped the handles to get a feel for it. It was awesome. Coolest bike, ever.

It even had a seat for Wolf to sit at in the front. Knowing I wasn't coming back for a while, I tossed the communicator I had in my ear to the ground and pulled on the handle. Sphere shot forward, moving upward.

Sphere could fly!

I would totally call this the Conner Mobile if it didn't sound stupid. Two something mobiles are good enough. Bat Mobile, Pfft, ridiculous

Speaking of Bat Man, he got sure got angry with me for leaving. Something about sphere being on unknown origin and could be dangerous, blah blah blah. Yeah, well, I'll be the judge on whether or not Sphere is dangerous.

Besides, he lets Arinna keep the Arinna Mobile. I get to keep Sphere. It is only fair.

000Kaldur000

I was not aware Arinna and Conner had left the cave until later that day. Bat Man instructed that we contact him as soon as they return for questioning on where they went off too.

I could not bring myself to attempt to contact them. They deserved their own time to come to terms with what happened. I myself still could not seem to adjust to every thing.

I was grateful for Black Canary's sessions, yet at the same time, was hesitant to reveal my thoughts.

"I was the general, but behaved like a solider and sacrificed myself." I sighed, "I am not fit for command, and must resign as team leader." I had never intended to be leader of a team. When I became the leader of this team, I was hesitant. At the time, I was the most logical choice but that did not cease my doubts. The incident after Red Tornado and his sibling's attack only made the doubt grow. Since then, I feel as though I have been caught in an endless spiral.

I wanted nothing more to escape it's grasp and let another take the role of leader. Someone more qualified than I. However, at the moment…

"Who do you recommend to take your place?"

I was aware the question was coming, yet still felt off guard with the answer, "Artemis is too raw and untrusting." I began to explain. I had thought this over several times throughout the last couple of days. Every time the answers were the same, "Kid Flash too rash and impulsive. Miss Martian remains too eager to please. Super Boy carries too much anger…" I trailed off. "Arinna is lost and unsure of not only her surroundings, but of herself. Her mind is too unstable. To place this burden on her would only make her situation worse."

Black Canary nodded thoughtfully, "Making Robin the logical choice." She agreed.

"But he is so young." I frowned.

Canary leaned forward, her gaze softening, "You're all young Kaldur."

I could not find the words to disagree, "I can not shake this burden to him. Not yet." I sighed, knowing it would end this way, "It appears I must withdraw my resignation." I chuckled sadly.

"Kaldur, being a leader is never easy." She reached forward to place a comforting hand on my arm. "However, that does not mean you are alone. The reason you have a team and the reason the Justice League is so close by is to help you, in case things get out of control and prepare you for when you are ready."

I nodded. "I am grateful, despite my conflictions at times with the trust you give us."

Canary cracked a smile. "Well, your team doesn't have the best track record." I found myself smiling back.

"Yes." I agreed. "And sometimes I wonder… If we continue to act the way we do, will the time come when that exercise becomes real?"

"Death is a risk everyone faces every day Kaldur." She said softly.

I nodded, my mind suddenly flashing to Arinna. "Pardon me for prying Black Canary but may I inquire how your session with… Arinna went?"

She raised her eye brow.

"I do not require details. I only ask because I am concerned. She has not spoke a word for days. I was hoping you were able to speak with her, even just a little."

She leaned into her chair and shook her head. "No luck on my end. Perhaps you could talk with her?"

"Me?" I blinked.

"She may eventually talk to me Kaldur, but I get the feeling she won't tell e what's really on her mind for a while. You however, well, she trusts you Kaldur. She is around you more than I and might find it easier to talk to someone closer to her age." Black Canary offered. Understanding what she meant, I nodded.

"I shall try."

"Thank you."

0000-0000

"Hey, does anyone know where Wally went?" Captain Marvel inquired as he moved into the kitchen, hesitant to interrupt the silence. The rest of the remaining team frowned at him.

"He is not here?" Kaldur inquired.

"Nope. Canary asked if I could help find him. It's time for his second session and he didn't show."

"He is always late." Artemis mumbled through he knees which were pulled up to her chest.

"He's not anywhere in the cave though. He was just here." Captain Marvel frowned.

"Probably ran off like Arinna and Conner did." Robin shrugged. He scowled at the clock. "Well, if he doesn't show, I guess that means it's time for my session." He trudged towards the door. "Fun…"

0000 Arinna 0000

It didn't take me long to get over the city of Philadelphia. It was a nice looking city.

…Felt familiar too.

Can we land though? I've almost upchucked at least 10 times while on the way here. Landing without a second thought, I scrambled out of the Arinna Mobile and fell to my knees.

Well… there goes that sandwich I ate. Great.

"Would you like for me to contact medical assistance?" The car inquired. I shook my head and stumbled to my feet. Patting the car, I took out the keys.

We parked at least a block down from the house. Giving me plenty of time to walk and a slow and leisurely pace as I think things over and get my stomach together.

I was doing this. I was about to find out if I had some sort of past or not. This building could answer all my questions, or leave me more in the dark than I ever was before.

Glancing at the addresses, I slowly moved up the road to the address. There was 5135. 5134. 5133. I brushed my hands against my shirt nervously.

5152…

Time seemed to freeze as I approached 5131. This is it.

It wasn't a really big house, could probably fit 5 people in it total. Enough space though and had a little garden. Would have looked beautiful if people kept up with it's care.

With how mangled the garden and building looked, I could assume it was abandoned a while ago. The whole neighborhood seemed to be falling apart. The buildings were so close and squished together, I thought maybe it was just one long building.

Nope, just a bunch of small ones. A nice looking neighborhood I suppose. The whole place kind of seems abandoned which can't be a good sign. I can't turn back though. Not after I've come all this way.

Here I go.

Just need to start walking.

…Or take a step.

Inch forward even.

…

I sighed to myself.

It took me I think an hour to move from the side walk to the porch. All the will power I had barely even got me this far, and I hadn't even stepped inside yet.

Part of me wondered if anyone actually lived in this house. There were no lights on inside, but it was kind of getting late. If someone did live inside, they might be asleep.

So, if there were people inside, would I know them? Or more correctly, would they know me? If they did, what was I suppose to say?

"Hi! I'm Arinna. Don't know who you are but some blood covered child appeared in my mind and helped me remember this address. You wouldn't happen to know if said child is alive would you? If not, would you possibly tell me if I had something to do with his death? I would love to know. Thank you~"

No.

Pacing a bit on the porch, I bit my thumb repeatedly. If nothing else I could do a ring and run or whatever it is called. Knock on the door or something then flee for the bushes and see if anyone answers.

If no one does than I make up a Plan B. Yeah, that sounds like a Plan. All I had to do is convince myself to knock on the door. Shouldn't be too hard.

…I would say if my hand actually decided to cooperate with me today and just knock on the stupid door!

"Arinna."

Jumping out of my skin I leapt into the door, just to hit my shoulder and crumble from the pain. Well that is one way to knock I suppose.

"Oh jeez!" a sound of rushing feet. "I'm so sorry. You okay?" two hands were grabbing mine and pulling them away to examine the damage.

They had spiky orange hair, green eyes-

Wally?

"I didn't mean to spook ya like that, I swear." He fumbled quickly. "Did you hit your shoulder? Was it the bad one? Oh man, I'm so so sorry."

Blinking rapidly, I glanced around the area than at him. I frowned, feeling confused. I was in Philadelphia right? Not Star City. So how did he- how long has he- What?

Seeing my looks, Wally glanced at his feet. "Sorry." He said for the 3rd time that day. "I uh… I saw you leave the cave and was worried so…" he shrugged.

Did-

Did he follow me? All the way here? That is called being creepy and stalkerish Wally!

I hit his shoulder, knocking him back. He barely stumbled before he caught himself. "I said I was sorry! You just ran off without saying anything! What else was I suppose to do? I was the only one there that could keep up with you to figure out where you were going."

That did not make this situation better.

"Plus you shouldn't have just left. What if you had another break down or something while you were out?" he said, kneeling down to point at me. "Or gotten attacked?"

While all those were valid points, they still do not make up for the fact that you followed me!

"I'm sorry." He said again. "Didn't want you getting hurt."

…Man he's giving me those puppy eyes. Must resist!

Sighing when I could not resist the look I shrugged, forgiving him. So much for coming alone.

"What is this place?" he asked, staring at the house. I lowered my gaze to my feet and shrugged.

"You don't know?" he questioned. "How can you not know if you came here?" he said in such a nasty and condescending tone. Honestly, what was with him?

I shrugged again, a little angry.

"Okay then, what are you doing here?"

I frowned at him. Not sure how to explain, I shrugged again. He seemed to be getting frustrated himself.

"Do you know this place?"

I shrugged.

"Does someone live here?" Another shrug. "Do you know even where you are in the world?"

I pointed to the address on the top of the house.

"And you decided to come here because?" he folded his arms, giving me the little voice. It was that voice I hated when he used. The voice that sounded like he was talking to some 5 year old.

I shrugged again.

"How do you not know!?" he demanded. "You can't just run off across the world like this Arinna! Especially with how you are right now. Do you ever think ahead? Some creep could live here! What if I wasn't here and some jerk opened the door, huh? He would have invited you in and knowing you, you probably would have accept that cause you don't know any better."

He says that like something is wrong with me. I know something is wrong with me. But there is a point where I can find his attitude ridiculous. He was worried and followed. I can forgive and accept that as him wanting to be a good friend.

But… lately, I've found myself growing tired of being treated like a child who understands nothing. True when I woke up at Cadmus, I needed that. But I'm not going to be that naïve girl forever. I've learned and experienced so much since then.

So I don't see why I have to even answer any of these questions out of the blue.

I huffed angrily, giving him a half shoulder shrug.

"That isn't an answer Arinna! Just tell me what you are doing?"

Why should I?

"Seriously, what is with this quiet attitude of yours? Are you angry? Is that it? Is that why you won't say anything to anyone… to me?" he demanded.

I lifted my arms, no longer wanting to deal with this conversation and moved to head back to the Arinna Mobile.

"I'm serious." He grabbed my arm. "I'm not letting your walk away from this until you give me an answer."

To what? Why I won't talk to you or why I'm here? Or both?!

My anger began to build. I was reaching my breaking point. I can't… I can't deal with this right now. Especially not here! Not at this place!

"Arinna." He gave my arm a tug when I tried to pull it away. "Look at me."

I tried again, attempting to pull my arm away almost violently. Let me go. Let me go.

"…Go…." I choked out.

"What? What did you just say? I can't hear you!" He was yelling. I don't think he meant to, maybe, but he was. I guess he was just as upset as I was, for his own reasons. "What are you trying to say?!"

I lifted my hand slamming it across his face. Ripping my arm away I fell backwards onto the grass.

"I don't know!" I screamed as I fell.

He flinched and stumbled back. As we both hit the floor, Wally holding his bruising cheek and me glaring at him, we blinked.

A cold realization swept over my as I glanced at my trembling hand. I hit him…

Oh gosh… I didn't- I would never mean to-

I choked. Huffing a few times, I turned away to catch my breath. "Why… W-Why are you picking a fight with me Wally?!" I demanded, tears welling in my eyes. "What did I do?! Why are you so angry with me? Why would you follow me just to yell at me!? Why couldn't you just leave me alone?! Is this because of the exercise?"

He was still composing himself from the slap when he realized I wanted an answer, "N-No… well, yes. Kind of. But that isn't what I meant." He stammered. I stumbled to my feet, ripping off my mask.

"Then what do you mean Wally? You keep asking and asking what I mean when you don't even explain your own actions!" I threw it at him and moved down the path towards the room. He scrambled after me, scooping the mask back up.

"Arinna wait-"

"Wait for what? For you to start making sense? To let you keep yelling at me for things I don't understand?!" I demanded. "I'm sorry Wally okay? I'm sorry I'm so… messed up!"

"No. No Arinna your not-"

"Yes I am!" I kicked a trash can I passed. "Don't try and say I'm not."

He ran to move in front of me, blocking my path. "Let me explain-" he pleaded.

"Explain what?" I stepped back, "…Please. Please just tell me what you mean so I know. Tell me so I can understand because I-I don't understand anything anymore-" I gasped for air moving to clutch at my chest, struggling to get in a good amount of oxygen.

"Whoa… whoa whoa-" he grabbed my arms to steady me. "Breath Arinna. Breath." He said, "I'm sorry. Really. I'm really really sorry." He said quickly, "I didn't come here to yell. You didn't do anything wrong. It was…" he paused, his eyes down casting, "It was me."

Glancing at him, I felt so exhausted. I couldn't seem to stand anymore and sunk to my knees. He followed my descent, his eyes wide. "It was me." He said again.

"It wasn't you."

"Yes, it was. It was always me." He looked at his hand. "The exercise, now, all of this is my fault." We sat in silence for a while. "Man this bites."

I nodded numbly.

"I followed you to set things right and I just made a bigger mess of it." He leaned onto the back of fence we were by. We stared out into the street together, catching our breaths. "Listen, let me start over okay?"

Hesitant, I nodded. "…Okay."

"I followed you, yes. I was worried, that is the absolute truth. But I also wanted to set things right with you. In the end though I got mad cause you wouldn't talk to me. That was my fault. I don't know why you came here, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know I'm probably the person you less want to talk to right now."

"Why do you say that?" I inquired.

"What I said to you."

I frowned. "What you said to me? When?"

"D-During the exercise." He explained

"Oh…" I looked away. "You were in the right there."

"I was not!" he argued. "I took my anger out on your when you were confused and scared. I-"

"I told you I felt nothing over Artemis' death Wally. Your reaction to it was normal." I reached up to brush an unwanted tear off my cheek.

He looked torn. "I still shouldn't have- I mean…" he sighed. "That whole day just sucked." We said nothing for several minutes. I could faintly hear the sounds of cars and late night traffic in the distance. I messed with my cape for a while, contemplating what to say.

When Wally extended his hand out with the mask, I took it quietly and placed it back on. We said nothing.

In the end, I thought about what Wally had asked me. Why I was there. What I was doing. I found that I couldn't answer any of those questions.

We both we confused, but at least Wally was trying to answer me. I should at least give him the same courtesy.

"I-" Wally cut me off.

"I wanted to apologize. I know you say it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel… horrible for what I said." He narrowed his eyes and looked away. "It wasn't right."

"Wally…"

"I am so sorry Arinna." He sighed.

"Me too." I sniffed. After that, we sat there staring at the stars together. Wally talked a bit about the exercise. How he wondered if that had been real, would we be able to do anything. Would anything have changed if it wasn't a train to fail mission?

I had the same question, but I had no answers. We just shrugged, the answer a mystery.

Glancing at him, I reached my hand out to gingerly run a finger down his cheek. "I'm sorry I hit you."

"Eh, I deserved it." He snorted. "Canary sure taught you how to hit though." He winced. "I thought I almost lost a tooth."

I paled. "R-Really?"

"Kidding." He nudged me. I almost smiled… almost. "So…" he turned his head, resting it on the fence. "Philadelphia huh? Not exactly Hawaii but I guess it is nice this time of year." I think he was trying to be subtle in asking why I was here. "So uh… out of every where in the world… why would a nice young girl like you want to go to Philadelphia when your stressed?"

"It's stupid." I shrugged. "Didn't work the way I planned anyway."

"Is that my fault?" he frowned.

"Nah. It was me. I couldn't bring myself to do it." I sighed.

"Do what exactly?"

I couldn't answer. Taking the hint, Wally didn't ask anymore. Through time the Arinna Mobile rolled up next to us. It was weird how it could move without actually being told to. Apparently it realized the temperature was dropping and that it would be best to get going before it got too cold.

I was almost relieved.

In a way, I'm glad Wally showed up before I knocked on that door. Getting on that porch was enough for today.

I…

I'm terrified of what I might find on the other side of that door. So until I'm ready, I don't want to learn anything about my past. All in all, perhaps it is even better to never remember. I'm not sure. Either way, not confronting the problem, might just be the best choice for my mental sanity right now- Oh who am I kidding?

It isn't for the best.

I'm just avoiding it, that's all.

As we arrived home in the Arinna Mobile, we were quickly approached by Bat Man, who demanded to know where we went to and what we did.

"Relax Batsy." Wally waved him off. "Arinna just wanted some fresh air and I followed to make sure she didn't get into any trouble. We stopped in Star City for some smoothies."

"Smoothies." Bat Man frowned. I was surprised Wally didn't mention Philadelphia. I wondered why he was lying about it, but stayed quiet when he winked at me.

"Yup. Just drank some smoothies and talked." Wally assured him.

"You talked?" Bat Man glanced at me. I lowered my head.

"Yeah." Wally smiled. "We talked."

Taking that into consideration, Bat Man nodded. Whether he believed Wally or not, he didn't say. Instead he sent us off to bed. Apparently he had bigger things to worry about.

Turns out, Sphere is a flippin' transformer! How crazy is that?!

He also met up with gods apparently. Said that a few new gods or what not from some other world came in search of sphere. They thought he was an enemy, learned he wasn't, then invited him to go crime fighting with them. Conner said it was weird, but they were nice and let him keep Sphere, so he was on good terms with them.

I mean, seriously, I'm gone for a few hours and Conner finds a transformer and meets gods from another dimension or what not? I call that unfair. I mean, sphere isn't actually a transformer. Apparently it's some futuristic tech that has a conscious and can transform into this awesome super bike. That's pretty cool.

"Night Arinna." Wally said as he moved towards the Zata tube.

"…Good night." I grabbed his arm when he turned. "Wally?"

"Yeah?"

I smiled, "Thanks for coming after me tonight."

Taken aback, he smiled, "Hey, I promised you at Cadmus I'd look out for you." He grinned, patting my head. "And a hero never goes back on his word." Ruffling my hair, he saluted me and headed home.

When he was gone, I thought about the nights events. It all happened so fast and in truth, nothing was really accomplished. I'm right back to where I started this morning. Well, not exactly.

I want to think my bond with Wally has been mended, even if just by a little.

There was still something I needed to do.

Moving down the hall, I moved into the therapy room. Canary was in there and was packing up to leave for the night.

"Arinna." She turned from grabbing her stuff. "It's late. Shouldn't you be in bed?" she asked.

I shifted my weight a few times. "…Can we talk?"

Shocked, she nodded quickly. "Yes… Yes of course." She motioned for me to sit down.

Shuffling to the seat, I sat down without a word. Shifting my feet a few times I took a deep breath. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course." She said honestly.

"So you won't tell anyone this? And when I mean anyone, I mean Bat man?" I asked. "Cause I don't want Wally to be in trouble…"

"Why would Wally be in trouble?" She looked so relieved that I was talking again.

"Well cause…I… I was just in Philadelphia." I announced.

"Philadelphia?" Black Canary questioned

"Yeah, but Wally told Bat Man we were in Star City, which we weren't." I nodded.

"Why in the world were you there?"

"I… can't explain why." I said. It was practically a lie, but I wasn't ready to speak of everything just yet. "I just had the feeling to visit there. While I was there, I ran into Wally- well, more like he followed me there and we talked. I figured out some things while we talked."

Black Canary nodded. "Are you two okay now?"

"Yeah… I guess." I nodded.

"What did you talk about with him?"

"The exercise mostly." I said, "And then I started thinking about what I saw. I just… All this time I've been thinking about my past." I kept my gaze on my hands, "Wondering who I was. And I know you all keep telling me that I'll remember eventually. And maybe I will but… but-" I trailed off.

"But what Arinna?" Black Canary leaned forward a little.

"After what happened. I'm starting to think that I don't-" I frowned. "I don't want to- I don't know." In the end I chickened out from what I wanted to tell her.

That I don't want to remember my past anymore.

She said nothing, only listened. "You asked about the boy I mentioned. I don't know what to tell you because I don't know who he is. He was just there. Through the exercise I saw him. No one else did, just me. I thought I was going crazy or something. He was covered in blood and talking to me. There was blood on my hands Canary…" my fingers were trembling. "Did I… I think I-"

"You thought it was you that hurt him." She said in a sick realization. I gave a curt nod. "Arinna, you would never-"

"How do you know?" I cut her off. "How do you know I wouldn't do something like that? Not now. Definitely not now, but what about before? Before Cadmus? What if the person I was before… what if they could? What if they did? I don't know."

"Are you afraid of the answer?"

I couldn't reply.

"Arinna. Your past isn't something-"

"I should fear?" I guessed. "Is that what you were going to say? That even if the only memories I have are of blood and pain… I shouldn't be afraid of them?" She bit her lip. "You asked me to talk about what happened and I did." I turned away.

"Admitting what you feel and fear are the first steps Arinna." She said gently.

"First steps to what?"

"To growing stronger." Her grip tightened around my hand. I blinked rapidly, unsure of what to say. "I'm not going to tell you how to feel about your past. The decision is yours. However, whatever you decide, we'll support you."

My heat swelled with emotions. Unable to stop the tear that fell from my eyes I nodded rapidly. "O-Okay…"

She smiled kindly, wrapping her arms around my neck to hug me. "It's late." She said, giving my back a few pats. "You should go get some rest."

Dabbing my eyes with my hand, I let out a breath, "Yeah. Okay." I moved to the door. "G'night…"

"Good night Arinna."

0000Next day0000

Kaldur was the first person I saw when I woke up the next morning. I had opened my door just before he could knock, practically barreling him over.

"Arinna-" he stepped back in surprise, lowering the hand he had raised to knock on the door. "Good morning. I uh-" he scratched the back of his neck. "How are you feeling?"

I lifted my hand to pull back my hair. "Good."

He froze at my reply, a smile blooming across his face at the sound of my voice. "You are speaking."

"…Yeah. I normally do that…" I blushed.

"I did not mean to sound disrespectful." He said quickly. "I am only happy." Relief washed over his face in waves.

"Thanks." I smiled at him. "How are you?"

"I am well, thank you. Much better as time passes." We smiled at each other, moving down the hall. "How was your day out?"

"Strange. Wally stalked me."

"I heard that happened, yes." Kaldur chuckled. "Did you not enjoy his company?' he glanced at me, worried we had a fight.

"No." I intertwined my hands behind my back. "We… talked. I think things are cool between us again."

Thank goodness. I couldn't bare being upset with Wally forever. "I think Bat Man is mad at us though."

"I believe he is more upset with Conner than he is you."

"Pff, lucky Conner. Had his own transformer." I snorted. "Bet it's got nothing on the Arinna Mobile though." Kaldur was staring at me. Realizing he was, I shifted my gaze to meet his. "W-What?"

He looked away, a secret smile pulling at his lips. "Nothing." He assured me. "I am only pleased to see you returning to normal. We all missed and were concerned for you." His hand was grabbing mine. "It is nice to see you smile again."

His hand was warm, comforting… trusting. I couldn't seem to pull away from it. Or even look away from his eyes. Kaldur's been so amazing through all of this. He's almost unreal.

He brushed a bang from my eyes, his hand lingering against my cheek. His hand froze. I blinked at him. He seemed hesitant. "Arinna."

"…Yeah?"

"I would never wish to pry, and I will not ask you to speak with me if you do not wish to, however, I want you to know that if you need me, I'll be there."

Blinking at his sudden turn in the conversation, I struggled to smile, "What do you mean?"

"It means anything that you wish it to be."

"Well that… is a little weird." I felt nervous suddenly, my face feeling hot.

"Is it?"

"In a good way." I said quickly, leaning my head into his hands. Leaving it there for a little while, hoping this little moment would last for just a few seconds later, I let out a little sigh.

"I am pleased to hear that." He chuckled. We shared a smile. As I stepped away from him, I watched his hand fall back to his side. I had some sort of obsession over his hands, I swear. Maybe because they were so unlike mine? Despite his fingers being webbed, they were smooth, and always so very warm.

I wonder if he was aware of how warm they were at times. How sometimes, when he held my hand, it felt like my fingers were burning.

"..." Feeling desperate to start up some conversation so I wasn't just left there, staring at Kaldur, I panicked. "I saw the sunrise this morning!"

Kaldur glanced at me, smiling. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, I was down by the beach… saw a dolphin. Attempted to communicate with it but I don't speak dolphin." I nodded.

"How interesting." Kaldur mused. "I for one, am fluent in dolphin."

"Oh-" I froze. "WHAT?" I gasped. "Are you serious? That is amazing? The next time I see a Dolphin will you talk to it for me? Tell it I said Hi?"

"I shall keep that in mind." He nodded.

"Yesh." I pumped my fist in silent victory. My goal to make my name known in the Dolphin world is almost complete.

Kaldur chuckled, giving me a warm smile, "Then shall we plan a time to go down to the beach together?"

…Together together? Like… just the two of us? Or the whole team?

Unable to ask the question, I bit my lip. Me being the obvious master of concealing my emotions like a boss turned bright red for reasons I don't fully understand, "Uh… S-Sounds good. Yeah. Lets do that… Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow it is." He agreed.

"…Cool potatoes.' I nodded.

COOL POTATOES?! Are you serious Arinna?! Who even says that?

I slapped my forehead, getting a curious look from Kaldur.

…

Curse you brain…

BAAM

The hall shook and we stumbled. Falling to the floor, we looked down the hall with wide eyes.

"What was that?" I gasped.

Kaldur narrowed his eyes. "An attack?"

We bolted down the hall to the source of the explosion. It came from the kitchen… where Wally and Robin were, covered in what appeared be dough?

"What the-" my eyes widened. "What happened?"

"I told you that was too much flour." Robin snorted.

"Flour wouldn't cause it to explode like that!" Wally yelled at him. "Whatever you put in it from your questionable utility belt is the culprit." He accused.

"I only put it some sugar I brought from-" he paused. "Oh wait, no," he examined his belt. "That was some powder for my explosives- ohhhhh." He paled. "My bad."

"My bad?!" Wally threw the bowl at him. He quickly ducked.

"Hey Arinna. Kaldur." He waved. "Did we bother you?" he glanced around. "We'll clean this up, we swear."

"Correction, you'll clean this up." Wally scowled.

"And this is why you two aren't allowed in the kitchen." Artemis, who had ducked behind the counter right before Robin's dough bomb had gone off, said. She scowled as she reached for her bow, which she left on the counter. It was covered. Scrapping the dough off, she threw it was Wally. Smacking him in the face, he yelled.

"Hey!"

I snorted.

Pausing, he glanced at the dough, then to Artemis. Smirking, he chucked it at her. She shrieked as it hit her, knocking her off the stool. "Wally!" she roared, lunging at him. I laughed.

"Dough fight!" Robin declared. I scrambled to join, pulling Kaldur with me.

This life…

All I need right now is this life. Nothing else.

"DOUGH BOMB!" Wally, Artemis, Robin and me screamed as we through a small ball of dough into Conner's room. Seconds later it imploded and that was all you heard before a Godzilla like roar echoed from my brother's room.

We spent the rest of that day running from Conner and his rage.

YEAH!

So the next chapter technically doesn't come out till the 31st. Which is the Halloween episode.

But, because you guys were awesome with reviewing, I'm going to post a cute filler chapter before then.

So keep an eye out for a filler chapter on the 26th! It might just involve the whole team getting turned into kids and a certain Arinna having to figure out how to handle them.