Chaoji tries to Bob for Apples – EPIC Failure

It was the annual Halloween party at the Black Order! Everyone was excited about the party until Noise's eyes grew wide with terror and he pointed towards the door, shuddering.

Lavi, who was currently hanging paper spiders from the ceiling, paused to stare at Noise. "Oh, man," he muttered, "don't tell me you hear…"

"The loudest, hardest thumping I've ever heard," he groaned. "I think I'm going to have a headache…"

Every person in the room turned, exchanging quick, exasperated glances. "Chaoji," they all moaned in unison.

Just then, the door flung open and Chaoji stumbled in, dressed as a giant, red M&M. "Ready to go get some candy?" he cried cheerfully.

Lavi leaned over to Allen, whispering, "Why'd he bother with the costume? He could scare everyone away without a mask!"

"I said," Chaoji hollered, "ARE YOU READY TO GET SOME CANDY?"

"Chaoji, calm down!" Reever shot at him bitterly from across the room. "None of us go trick or treating. This is our annual Halloween party."

Chaoji blinked a few times. Parties meant lots of people and lots of people meant lots of food. He shut his eyes, picturing a long buffet table with all you can eat cookies and brownies and seven layer bars and whoopee pies and triple-chunk-chocolate-blast-extreme-choco-crunch-cookies…

"Am I…invited?" he asked in a soft, hopeful voice, attempting to make a puppy dog face. Everyone stared at his attempt to look cute and turned away, turning green. Lavi ran from the room in search for a bucket.

Kanda, who had been dragged to the party involuntarily, was not going to let this event get any worse. He pointed above Chaoji's head to the paper spiders. "Are you sure you want to stay here?" he asked, a snide edge in his voice. "There are spiders and ghosts everywhere."

"Kanda-Nissan, don't be a dumb ass," Chaoji shot, laughing so that the entire room quaked, "those are paper – DUH!"

Kanda reached for Mugen, striding forward. Lenalee caught him by the sleeve and pulled him back. "Let it go," she advised him, "whenever you try to kill him it just ends up hurting you more in the end, anyway."

"Yeah, but it's still amusing," Noise muttered so only they could hear. A smirk flickered across Kanda's face, but he backed out of the room.

"Let's start by bobbing for apples!" Komui sang cheerfully, addressing everyone but Chaoji. "The winner gets a box of Halloween chocolates, baked by Jerry!"

Jerry waved to the group, winking. "That's right!"

Chaoji eyed the box of chocolates and wobbled forward, pushing everyone around him out of his way, charging (the best he could) towards the apple bin. He shoved his face into the water without hesitation, although the game hadn't begun. Everyone watched, awestruck, knowing that they'd have to replace the entire barrel of apples after he came back out.

Chaoji straightened himself up again, an apple barred in his teeth. Suddenly, he spat it out, back into the water, and began spitting into the water, waggling his tongue.

"FRUIT!" he screamed. "I hate fruit! Despicable, contaminated, putrid fruit! Why didn't anyone warn me there was fruit in there?" he yelled as he continued to hack and spit into the barrel. This time, Miranda left the room in search for a bucket, her face as green as Lavi's had been.

"We said it was apple bobbing," Komui muttered.

"And thus, it is confirmed: Chaoji never attended kindergarten."

"Ken doll garden?" he repeated, pausing his spitting for a moment.

Everyone groaned, rolling their eyes.

"Chaoji, are you done?" Allen asked hesitantly as Chaoji continued to cough up his saliva into the barrel of apples.

"One second." Chaoji leaned his head back, gargling so loudly that Noise ran from the room, clutching his ears. Then he leaned forward and spat out whatever remained in his mouth of the fruit he hadn't even bitten into. "There. Now, did I win that chocolate?"

Jerry raised an eyebrow nervously. "Hon, you're not getting any of my chocolate!"

Failure.

Author's notes: Happy 25th anniversary! I know it's a little early for Halloween, but there's a second part to this (and possibly even another after that...we'll see) so that will come out closer to the holiday. I just felt like I needed to put out some more Chaoji HATE, as usual XD Hope you enjoyed it, and please review and let me know what you thought!