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Chapter Twenty Five

December 1967

Christmas had come, and with it brought the arrival of her brother. Once he was back it was almost as if he'd never left. Everything fell seamlessly back into place at home, which only made it harder, knowing that he'd be leaving again soon.

"So, how have you been?" Diego asked, as they stood in front of the sink, her washing the dishes as he dried them.

"Staying away from Tim, which is what you really want to know." Rose replied. "Honestly, it's like you don't trust me at all."

"Not around him." Diego said, as honest as ever. "He messes with your head. And he doesn't deserve you."

"Yeah, you've said that before."

"What's your problem?" He asked, frowning at her. "I'm just looking out for you."

"I know that." Rose sighed. "It's just, you can't tell me what to do. I have to make my own decisions, and my own mistakes. I need you to trust that I'll make the right choices."

"I do trust you." He told her. "And I'll get off your back about it."

"Thank you." She said. "So, have you met anyone at college?"

"Nah," he said. "Don't think I'm over Rachel just yet. Don't want to drag another girl into that, it's not fair."

Rose couldn't help feeling guilty. She'd dated Billy even though she'd never entirely stopped hoping that something would happen with Tim. Still, lingering hopes were not the entire reason for the failure of that relationship. At least now she could dispel all hopes involving Tim. They were finally done, and a part of her was relieved. Even if his rejection hurt her, it had provided some much needed clarity to their situation.

"I heard you've made a friend of Angela Shepard." Diego said. "How'd that happen?"

"It just kinda did." She shrugged. "She's not as bad as everyone thinks. She's just a little troubled I guess, she could make something of herself if she had the right opportunities, she's actually pretty smart."

"You always think the best of people." He said, and she could practically hear the inferences he was making, questioning why she kept giving people the benefit of the doubt even when it only ended up getting her hurt.

But when she glanced up at him he was smiling, and she thought he looked almost proud. If her brother thought she was doing the right thing, then she must be.

"So," he said. "You gonna catch me up on all the gossip 'round town."

For the next few minutes she gave him the rundown of everything that had happened in his absence. When the conversation wound down, Diego grew quiet, and she knew from his furrowed brow that he was stewing over what to say next. That, or he was constipated, she couldn't always tell the difference.

"You know, I've really missed you." He finally said. "It's been hard being away from all of you."

"We've missed you too." She said. "But in only two-and-a-half years you'll be home for good, with a fancy degree and it'll all be worth it."

"By that time you'll be in college yourself." He said. "You're gonna go right? You're smart enough."

"I want to." She said. "But I'll have to get a scholarship like you, because Ma and Sam can't afford it otherwise."

"No you won't." He replied. "I mean, James offered to pay for mine before I got the football scholarship, so he'll probably pay for yours."

Smiling to herself, it was a comfort to know that she had that option, that she could get out of Tulsa to go and make something of herself. Of course, she also didn't miss the way Diego refused to call him dad, or even father. She guessed that even if they had resolved their issues, they'd probably never be close. Some wounds would never entirely heal no matter what.

"You know, I think Rachel's still hung up on you too." Rose said. "She asks me about you sometimes."

"Yeah." He sighed. "I wish it could've worked. But I know it wouldn't have. I guess I'll always kinda love her though."

It almost dumbfounded Rose, how easily her brother had walked away from someone he was in love with. She'd never even entertained the idea of being in love with Tim, and yet she still had trouble forgetting about him. Of course, by the pensive look on Diego's face, she wondered if he too found himself unable to forget about his ex.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, not sure what else to say. "I'm sure you'll both be happy with other people one day."

"I hope so." He replied. It sounded strange to hope for your ex to move on, but it was an awfully mature thing, and Diego was an awfully mature person.

Still, perhaps that was better suited to situations where you no longer had feelings for said ex. Not even the best person in the world could watch someone they love be in love with someone else.

That night, sat on her bed she pulled out the box filled with the letters she'd been writing to Tim but would never send. This was the first time she was reading over them. She'd made it a rule that once she'd finished the letter it went straight into the pile, but now she felt far enough away from the memories that they couldn't hurt her anymore. Or, at least, not as much.

The first one was so pitifully sad and full of self-condemnation. Then they grew angrier and angrier, as if she'd unleashed all her bottled up resentment. When the anger subsided all that was left was for her to contemplate what could have been if he hadn't ruined everything. But he had, and somehow, she had to find a way to move on from that.