AN: Yay me another chapter !!! Thankyou sooo much again!!! Everyone who has been reviewing…

I know it seems like Dean is telling Sam stuff he'd remember himself, not like when I was doing the baby stuff but its Dean trying to explain what he was thinking or feeling at the time or why he did or reacted the way that he did coupled with how he's feeling now (s5), so when Sam reads the letters he has a bit more of an insight of Dean…and also it's easier for you guys reading since you not in my or should I say Dean's head.

Sam is 16, Dean is 20.

I Was There…The First Time…

Remember on your 16th birthday you got you drivers licence.

I mean really you just made the fact that you could drive legal cos you'd known how to since you were nine.

You kept bugging me and bugging me to drive the Impala.

Which by that point was MY car.

Dad gave it to ME for my 18th birthday.

But YOU had to have a go of driving it now you had your licence and could actually drive it out on a road and everything.

We were meeting up with dad in some small town, he was hunting some ghost that was haunting that big factory or something remember.

We were running behind we were meant to be there by the next after noon and the rate we were going it wasn't gonna happen so I wouldn't let you drive then.

Last thing I needed was for you to get pulled over.

Although goody goody that you were you wouldn't speed and we'd have been even later.

I put my foot down and tried to block out your whining and pouting face.

Eventually we had to stop for the night.

We stopped at some no name motel.

So I could sleep for a few hours before we hit the road again.

"Dean I could dive while you sleep." You started.

Then we had a big argument, you went to bed and wouldn't talk to me.

I mean you'd had your licence like a day and you knew how to dive a car but you'd never been on your own and me being asleep was practically the same and you were tired too.

It wasn't just the Impala I was worried about you know, it was your safety.

So I felt totally justified and annoyed and went to bed, figuring that you'd calm down and I'd let you dive some of the way tomorrow since I'd more then made up for time this afternoon.

I think I'd been asleep an hour or two when I woke with a start.

I couldn't work out what had woken me.

And then I realised you weren't in your bed.

Or the bathroom.

Or any where in the room.

I pulled on some clothes and looked out the window and as I suspected MY car GONE.

Then I heard one of the worst sounds I have ever hear in my life.

Tyres screeching and a loud bang.

I don't even know why I though it was you, it could have been any one but I took off running.

Didn't even grab shoes.

I ran up the road and around the corner to where I heard the crash.

And-And the Impala was up on the curb, surrounded by trash cans that had been knocked flying.

I thought my legs would give out.

But I kept running.

It wasn't a bad accident.

But you were no where in sight.

You hadn't gotten out of the car.

I kept thinking please let him be okay, please let him be okay.

I opened the door and you were sitting there hands still on the wheel.

Visibly shaking.

I asked if you were okay, if you were hurt.

Your head snapped around like you hadn't noticed me until I spoke.

"Dean" you said sounding like a little boy again.

What happened, what were you thinking I practically screamed at you as I pulled you out of the car.

Honestly I wanted to take a swing, you'd scared me that much, but I'd never hit you before and you looked so scared.

I kept yelling.

You leaned against the car cringing and when I waved one of my arms around in frustration you flinched.

Like you thought I was gonna hit you.

So I made my self calm down and talk quietly.

I asked how you managed to swerve onto the gutter.

"A cat."

That was all you said before you threw your arms around me and rested your head on my shoulder and sobbed "Sorry De."

My heart squeezed, you hadn't called me that since you were really little.

We were the same height by then.

And we hadn't had any girly hugging crap since you were little either.

You hadn't wanted to sine you were like 9 or 10.

So then I was in shock.

I hugged you back for a few minutes, you were still shaking.

Finally you told me a cat had ran out in front of you and you'd been going too fast, when you swerved you ran up the gutter.

I was so mad Sam, you'd scared the hell out of me.

Why couldn't you listen, your so stubborn sometimes, had to have your own way.

But you knew you'd done wrong and how stupid you'd been.

I remember thinking how everyone in the street must be drugged up because with all the racket no one had come out of their house to look.

You insisted on picking up all the rubbish and cans and putting them back.

I checked out the Impala, it had a fairly big scratch on the side but other then that it was fine.

You looked like you were gonna be sick when I pointed it out to you.

"Dad's gonna kill me, that is if you don't do it first." You said looking worried.

I tried my hardest to remain clam, just so thankful that you were okay, told you that we could fix it and that I'd tell dad I did it.

You'd never looked more grateful.

The next day I let you dive, you were reluctant to get behind the wheel but I convinced you you'd be okay.

That I trusted you.

And you drove fine, but made me promise to watch out for cats.

And we made it to dad on time.

But boy was he pissed that I had scratch the car.

You felt so guilty about that for ages I could tell.

It was a stupid thing to do, but I forgave you.

You scared me and you refused to listen.

But I forgave you.

So Sam if you just give me time I will be able to forgive you completely for all the stuff that you've done.

I've started to Sammy.

It just takes the heart a long time to forgive sometimes.

I mean you not 16 anymore.

It's not really the apocalypse that I was so hurt about, it was choosing Ruby over me.

And that you wouldn't listen to me.

It seemed you didn't care how I felt.

That you didn't care about me.

Although I know in your head you were doing it all for me.

But everyday it gets easer to trust you like I used to.

I forgive a bit more everyday.

And Sam I hope you know I still care about you just as much as I ever have, maybe more.

Nothing has ever or will ever change that.

I promise.

Please review.