The day I have been fearing has finally came, we have a date about when we need to leave and it's in two days, two days to finish preparing for the fight of our lives, literally, and two days for me to explain everything to Peeta. I will have to tell him how long I have been hiding this information from him and also try and tell him how many days I have until I would leave him. I would have to try and convince him to let me go, it would be hard enough trying to tell him that the love of his life would be putting her life at risk but it's going to even harder telling him that his pregnant fiancee has to leave, taking everything he loves with her, his whole world would be at risk because of this. Coin walks away as if she didn't just drop a bomb like that on us, she leaves us behind to absorb the news that we only had one day left to finish up all the training that we are going to get before we infiltrate the Capitol. Beete quickly bounces back and takes the news surprisingly well, and indication that he isn't going to be going into battle with us, he will be sitting comfortably here back in district 13 watching everything happen from the sidelines, just supplying us the weapons that still can't guarantee our safety, or our lives.
Beete goes back to explaining the latest weapon he has just finished working on and is showing us how it woks. "I call it the halo, it is only activated when you repeat the word nighlock three times"
"What exactly does it do?" Finnick looks curious and worried at the same time as he talks, afraid of what a weapon like that is capable of.
"It will explode" I am suddenly feeling a little scared about going into this, I feel like this will be nothing like the games I have experienced before, a reinvented one where the person who had spent time planning out the details of these events will now be participating, and he seems to be one of the many problems we will be facing. Not long after we are dismissed and I try and think about the training we have gone through in the past two weeks, would it be enough? And am I even ready to leave Peeta, my family, everything behind? They dismiss us soon after and I check to see the time is a little after lunch, I'm not very hungry and I can sense Finnick isn't either so we just walk around together until we settle on sitting down against a wall.
"This isn't going to be good is it Katniss?"
"It never is"
"But this one is going to be different isn't it?"
"Yeah, yeah it will" I try and hide the sound of fear and doubt in my voice but no matter how hard I try I can still feel it slipping through.
"He is going to try everything he can do to kill us" he says it as a statement, one that we are both sure of.
"We can make it thought it, we have done it before"
"That's right, were survivors" he tries to sound genuine but his tone tells me otherwise
"I still haven't told Peeta any of this"
"I know you haven't, but you need to tell him this now"
"How?"
"Just say it, I know he will understand"
"How is he supposed to understand that I am going to put my life on the line, our baby's life" I think sometimes it's easy for Finnick to forget that I'm pregnant, to him I was always the strong Mockingjay that was one of the first to stick up to the Capitol, not about to be someones mother. This seems to hit him hard because he puts his hands over his eyes, as if he can block out everything happening around him.
"They shouldn't be sending you Katniss, we all tried to reason with Coin but she wouldn't let this happen without her Mockinjay" Finnick just unknowingly answered the question that has been running through my head for weeks, Coin must have a death wish for me.
"I know you did everything you can, thank you for that" I lay my head on his shoulder and try and keep the tears from coming, the last thing I would want to do right now is cry in front of him, there have always been so many tears shed between the two of us.
"I just don't know how I'm going to have to leave her"
"I don't know how I can leave Peeta either, I will be taking everything he loves with me"
"The only thing I know for sure is that Annie will have Peeta, they won't have to go through this alone"
"I just think that leaving him will make him fall apart, what if the same Peeta I left isn't the one I get to come back to?"
"He will, you have to believe that he loves you more than the Capitol can ever take away from him"
"You need to tell him, before you have to leave" he stands up "Just enjoy the time you have with him now, that's what I'm going to do with Annie" he gives me a smile and walks away, leaving me sitting against the wall going over in my head how I'm going to tell Peeta.
I catch up with Peeta not much longer after Finnick left and try to go on with our normal day, we get a late lunch and even spend some time with my family, I sit on the bed that I used to occupy but I don't anymore because I spend every night with Peeta now, they still haven't given him his own room yet and I can only assume it's because they are still worried that he needs to be watched, still needs to be protected, still needs to keep everyone else protected from him. Prim sits next to me and my mother sits at the table in the room and Peeta sits in a chair next to him, I rub Prim's hair and giggle whenever she touches my belly, and that's pretty frequently.
"Have you guys decided on a name for the baby yet?" it's a question that catches me off guard, with everything else that has clouded my mind I haven't even thought of a name for our daughter, it isn't even something me and Peeta have talked about before.
"No we haven't decided yet, we still have some time though" Peeta smiles over at me and I stand up and walk over to him, he opens up his arms to me and I sit down in his lap, he pulls me close and kisses my cheek. I listen to the sound of Prim's giggles from Peeta's act of PDA and see how my mom smiles, probably remembering the way my father made her feel.
"You guys still have a couple of months to figure that out, or you might even just look at her after she is born and know what her name is supposed to be" I have never heard the story of how I was named, it was never something that I had though about in the years when I grew up and never seemed important when I was fighting for basic survival everyday. Now I wonder if that's what happened when I was born, my parents just took a single look and knew what my name was meant to be, how could they have known that the name would be known world wide, as the name of the girl who started the rebellion.
"Have you decided when you are finally going to get married?" what is it with Prim today and all these questions about our future? She is thinking father ahead than we have managed too.
"We haven't thought about it much"
"I would marry you in a heartbeat if I could" Peeta smiles up at me and it hurts my heart, he loves me so much, through everything and yet I'm the one keeping secrets. I have everything I could ever want and yet I can't ever be the person he deserves.
"I don't want to get married here, I wan to get married in our home, where we fell in love"
"Will we even have a home to go back to?"
"When this is all over, you can bet that I will fight like hell to get us to go home" I say this statement to not only Peeta but my sister and mom, I will do everything I can to get us all back to our home, I want to raise my daughter in the same place I grew up, only this time in a world without fear of the games coming after her. We spend some more time with my family and then I tell Peeta I'm tired so we say goodbye, as I hug my mother and then Prim I can't help but tell them how much I love them, thinking that this might be my last chance to tell them goodbye before I have to go and fight for all of them. We walk into the room and I go over to the bed and sit down on the side of it, Peeta just stands in the doorway
"What's wrong?"
"What?"
"You have been distant all day, I can tell that something is wrong. Whatever it is just tell me Katniss" how could have have known? Was it because I was quiet today?
"Peeta just sit down next to me" I try and keep my voice from wobbling as I speak, he comes over and sits down next to me and I take his hands into mine.
"They have been training me to go and infiltrate the Capitol, they want me to kill Snow, and they want me to leave in two days" I start to cry and he just wipes away my tears and smiles, this isn't the reaction I thought he would have to this.
"I know" I lift up my head and look at him
"What?" How could have have known?
"Annie said something about it, I have known for about two weeks now, the same amount of time you have been training" she must have said something before Finnick asked her not too, I'm not mad, she didn't know yet.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to tell you and then today they just drop it on me that we are leaving in two days" my body begins to rock with sobs and he holds onto me
"Katniss it's okay, I'm not angry"
"But you should, I don't deserve you" I have always felt this way, even Haymitch told me so and I knew he was right, Peeta even in his darkest hours has done everything he could for me and yet I have been lying to him for two weeks now and he isn't even angry.
"Katniss don't you dare say that" his voice sounds angry, but even coming from him it isn't me he is angry at, it's what I am saying that upsets him. I try and calm down enough to speak again
"It's true"
"No it's not, you mean everything to me" he closes his eyes and looks down, he takes a deep breathe then he opens his mouth to speak "I heard your voice"
"What?"
"It was your voice, the one I fell in love with all those years ago and the whole time they were-" he stops and I can see the tears in his eyes. I hold his hand and let him know that I'm here. He hasn't really talked about what happened to him when the Capitol took him, I know how hard it is for him to talk about and so I squeeze his hand to let him know that he isn't in the Capitol anymore, I got him and I will never let him go "I just kept hearing the song, your song, and it pulls me out. The time at lunch and I managed to hold on it was because of you, it helped pull me out and know what was real and what wasn't"
"Peeta" I say his name in a whisper
"The whole time I was tortured after I had warned you I would just play that song over and over in my head and it helped me get through the night. It was you, it's always been you"
"I don't want to leave you, I don't want to take the baby with me"
"We don't have to worry about that now okay? Were going to be okay" It's both of us who's crying now and he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. He keeps whispering that he loves me and soon my eyes begin to grown heavy from all the crying. Peeta lays me down on the bed and holds me close to his chest and as I drift into sleep caused by the emotion I have been carrying around with me for the past few weeks and I don't notice how Peeta gets out of the bed and kisses me on the lips before leaving.
Authors note-Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated sooner but I went and met my favorite band Fall out Boy on Friday and had spent the past week mentally preparing to talk to some of my idols lol, in case any of you were wondering they are the sweetest people and it was so easy talking to them because they are so laid back and have the best personalities, if any of you want to talk to me more about this because you like the group then please PM me because I would love to talk about it with you guys lol, and if you liked this chapter the please leave me a review and I apologize if this made you cry but the next few chapters are going to be a roller coaster of emotions so be prepared and until next time-Izzy