Chapter 25 – Please Don't Go
Two weeks later…
Something was wrong. He could sense it, his body was shaking in fear; not for himself but for someone else – someone he really cared for. He could hear his own heart beat in his head, a loud thump-thump distracting his thoughts. Why was Marron in the hospital? Why was he waiting outside the emergency room unknowing the reason why she was there in the first place? He paced back and forth in front of the maroon tinted chairs and the magazine rack, trying hard not to bite his nails. When did he ever have the habit of biting his nails though, in the first place?? Trunks shook his head. He was going crazy and he knew it. He stopped pacing, letting out a big sigh and closed his eyes. He needed to calm down and… He reopened his eyes and caught sight of familiar dark, pained eyes.
Pan?
He blinked a couple times, wondering if it was an illusion. She disappeared after a second. Great. Now he was delusional… Or was he? It had been two weeks from the last time he'd seen her, when she had been suicidal. But why would she be in the hospital too? Was she here to see Marron? How could she have known though?
He walked briskly to the corner of the hallway, accidentally bumping his shoulder into a nurse. He mumbled a quick apology; staring only straight ahead to the corner where he was sure Pan had run off to.
And there she was.
When she realized that he had found her, she flinched and shut her eyes tight, as if anticipating physical pain.
"Pan," he heard himself say to her as he watched her body shake slightly in fear. "What are you doing here?"
She opened her eyes slowly. "I didn't come to see you, if that's what you're wondering." Her reply was cold, almost venomous.
He couldn't help but feel slightly angered by her reply. He unclenched his fist, once he realized he was gripping them. "I never thought that at all, I just…" Why was he so furious? "Did you know she was like this? That she'd been sick this whole time?"
Pan desperately tried to blink back tears as she spoke, though her voice contained her true emotions. "How could you not have seen it, Trunks? Are you so blind? Can you not see that she was acting strange and how she was so frail that she couldn't stand alone for 10-"
He shoved her against the wall behind her.
Her vision was blurry now, as the tears wouldn't go away. "Don't touch me," she whispered harshly. "Don't ever touch me again, Trunks. I can't believe you couldn't have at least noticed how different she acted and how she rarely came to work! You can't blame your stupidity on me! If you're so perfect, tell me the reason, if there is any, to why you freakin' kissed me after the day we-"
He grabbed her arm with his hand none too gently, and she shut her eyes tight again. He realized how hard he was holding her arm, and it was then that he realized there were new cuts on her neck. He was no longer in a rage of fury. He finally caught himself before he did anything he would regret later.
He didn't mean to hurt her like that. From the way she spoke to him and the way she looked so guilty proved that she knew that Marron had been ill the whole time and yet, she never told him.
Pan breathed in heavily and she opened her eyes. So far, there were no tears. She had become better at holding them back the day she shut her life away from everyone else's. "Aren't you going to hit me, Trunks?" she still spoke his name as if she really loved him. But if he was asked whether she did or not, her answer would be a solid 'no'. "I know you want to because I never told you when I found out. I know you're blaming me for the state she's in right now." Her voice shook slightly, but she went on anyway. "I know that… There's nothing I can do to make you stop hating me because I can't bring her back." She desperately wanted to feel pain. She truly did. She felt she deserved it because in her mind, she felt like the one to blame for everything. "Hit me as much as you want, Trunks, nothing hurts as much as what I'm feeling right now."
He loosened the grip on her arm and his free hand came up to gently grab her other arm. "Why didn't you tell me, Pan?" his angry, cold tone had changed into a sad one. His voice wavered, as if he was on the verge of breaking down, just like she was. "Why didn't you?"
"Mr. Briefs?"
The sound of the doctor's voice calling for him allowed Pan to escape from his grasp. She didn't run away though. She didn't come here just to see if Trunks was here. She wanted to see Marron.
Trunks held in a breath as he waited for the doctor to continue speaking. "Mr. Briefs, I'm so sorry…"
He didn't need to continue, as Trunks ran to the room Marron was in, Pan following close behind. The door flew open and they saw her; her face a sickening pale white, her hair so thin, and her body skeleton-like that her bones were sticking out and shown even under her clothing and the thin blue blankets.
"The surgery only bought her time, Mr. Briefs." Trunks turned around to see the doctor standing in the doorway. "She's not going to live for long. I'll let you two talk to her privately." The doctor turned around and left, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Pan watched as Trunks walked to Marron's side, kneeling so that he was level with her. She felt a tear drop down to her cheeks, and knowing he wanted to talk to his girlfriend alone, she turned around and left too, waiting for the two to finish talking.
Marron slowly opened her eyes, and she smiled weakly when she saw him. "Hey," she said quietly.
He had to blink numerously and look up to keep the tears from falling. "Hey," he said back, trying to sound calm, but failed as his voice wavered when he spoke.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
He grabbed onto her hand lying on the side, warming her cold hand with his warm ones. He forced a laugh, but as he did, he broke down, covering his face with their joined hands. He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry I didn't pay attention and realize your pain." He cried harder, squeezing her hand a little and continued. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, and I'm sorry I was so stupid."
Marron tried to laugh, but she cried too, watching him break down in front of her. "Trunks, stop it. You're supposed to be the President of Capsule Corp. You're the boss of everyone. You're supposed to be strong."
"Kami, you don't know what I did, Marron. I-" he couldn't finish.
She watched him as he shook, not able to see his face because of their hands. When it seemed like he wasn't going to respond, she gently squeezed his hand.
"She was drunk and I…" He squeezed her hand back. "I slept with her," he whispered. He heard her sniffle, and then she laughed weakly.
"It's okay, Trunks," she started, her voice shaking terribly as she tried not to break down. "I was like that before, remember? I was… So messed up before, but you know, you can still change. You have time."
He brought their hands down, uncovering his face. "Why aren't you angry, Marron??"
She laughed again. "Because I learned to deal with it. I hope you're still you, even after I-"
"What are you talking about? I'll find a way, I'll get the doctors to-"
She shook her head, tears gliding down her cheeks. "Don't be naïve. I don't want you to give up your life just because of me. I know you're in love with her, Trunks, even in the beginning, before we were together. I could sense it, you know? That's why I was so distant. I wanted you to realize that, but… I didn't think it'd take that long."
"I'm not in love with her."
She shook her head again, this time with less motion as if she was in disbelief. "Don't be stupid, Trunks. You know you are; don't let it be too late. Don't make that mistake."
"It's not a mistake, Marron, the mistake was sleeping with her."
"Don't hurt her," she whispered. He looked away and she sighed. "I love you so much, Trunks. But sometimes you don't understand."
There it was again: those words that were always ringing in his head ever since Pan had spoken them long ago. You don't understand anything. He closed his eyes, bringing his hand to wipe his eyes. "She's here, you know. She knew you were sick but she didn't tell me."
"I told her not to. She promised me."
"I'm so sorry I hurt you."
She laughed weakly again. "I knew it would happen, Trunks. I brought it upon myself when I agreed to become your girlfriend. It's okay. I learned to accept it. Don't blame Pan." She gripped his hand again. "Please don't be angry at her." When she winced in pain, he stood up, panic written all over his face. Before he could speak, she shook her head. "I'm okay. I want to talk to Pan right now, okay?"
He hesitantly agreed. "Alright." He let go of her hand and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "I love you," he whispered, and she smiled.
"I'm sorry I slacked off at work," she joked, and he forced a laugh.
"Hey, it just means this lazy President's gotta get going and actually start working."
She laughed with him, and then slowly closed her eyes. "Can you go get Pan? I'm starting to get a little sleepy."
He nodded and gave her one more kiss on the cheek before slowly leaving her side. When he opened the door, Pan was standing by the side, her eyes glued to the ground. "She said she wanted to talk to you," he said, his voice emotionless.
Pan didn't look at him, or even acknowledge his words. She quickly walked passed him and into Marron's room, shutting the door behind her. When she saw her, she nearly broke down. Pan walked to her, covering her own nose and mouth with her hand so that she wouldn't cry. When she was by her side, a sniffle escaped from her lips.
Marron opened her eyes and looked at the crying girl. She smiled, reaching out to touch Pan's hand. "Why are you crying, Pan? I remember when we were little; you worked so hard to achieve such a strong and tough appearance. You're not going to just throw that away just because I'm like this, are you?"
Pan shook her head. "Marron, I'm so sorry. I didn't…"
She knew what her words meant. "Trunks told me. But you know, I'm not mad." Her eyes watered, and a tear dropped down to her cheek as she spoke. "I knew you guys were close. He was the guy to bring you back home from the bar. It's not like he was just going to leave you there. You know he loves you, right?"
Pan looked away. "I don't really care whether he does or not."
"You don't mean that. I know he does. And you-"
"It's stupid, I know." She forced a fake smile, hot tears falling from her face.
It was then that Marron noticed cuts on the girl's forehead, neck, and hands. "It's not stupid, Pan. Don't… Don't throw everything away like that. And don't blame yourself for everything. I told him that I made you promise me not to tell him. That was my choice. I didn't want him to worry." She smiled when Pan looked to her. "Thanks for keeping that promise, Pan. I know it was hard. He can be so stubborn sometimes." She knew her time was almost up, and she quickly spoke, "Live a happy life, Pan. Everything will work out somehow." She closed her eyes. She laughed weakly. "Close the door on your way out, okay?"
Pan held in a breath. Was she gone? When the computer next to her stopped its steady beeping and held a long tone, she ran to the door and with a panicked and scared voice, she screamed for help.
They couldn't save her.
Pan stood outside of the room, listening to the doctors' voice through the walls, their voice muffled. She was crying, feeling foolish for trying to seem tough when she was a child. She shook her head, feeling her body grow numb. She hardly felt it when someone's hands grasped her shoulder until she heard him cry with her.
She wasn't sure if he was the one who turned her around and pulled her into an embrace. "I'm so sorry." She could smell his familiar scent invading her sense, and it was then that she realized that it was she who turned herself around. She was the one who cried into his chest and repeated the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again, as if one time wasn't enough. She was the one that needed the most closure from Marron, and though Marron understood, she thought that it wasn't enough.
So she wanted to end the pain.
She pulled away from Trunks quickly and without a word, she ran as fast as she could, away from the hospital. She cried as she ran, her body completely numb. She felt as if it were her fault that Marron was dead. So she just ran until she collapsed in front of an abandoned, tall building. She felt her flesh rip at the palm of her hands when she skidded a few inches but it didn't matter to her. She wasn't going to feel it anymore soon. Pan slowly got up, hot tears sliding down her cheeks to her chin as she went inside the abandoned building through a broken window. When she was inside, she climbed the flight of stairs leading to the rooftop. No blood is to be shed, she decided. She wanted to end it quickly.
She could hear her heartbeat thumping hard inside of her when she opened the door to the rooftop and as the wind blew into her face, her hair blowing wildly to the side, she knew there was no turning back now. She couldn't reverse her death or her attempt because this time, she wasn't going to slowly bleed to death.
Her steps were small, going from the door to the edge and she closed her eyes, stopping at the very edge. There was a small room next to her, the window also partially broken, glass still at the edges. She could have just grabbed a shard of the glass, but that wasn't how she wanted to end her life. It wasn't quick enough. "Kami, I'm so sorry," she whispered under her breath. "I can't do this anymore." Her hands were gripped into a tight fist and just as she finished speaking, she held in a breath and jumped, her thoughts still running through her mind.
She hadn't expected to fall in love with her best friend.
She hadn't expected Marron to die.
And she hadn't expected to feel pain shoot up in her right arm and to stop falling, still in midair. She cried out in pain, her left arm grabbing onto her right shoulder.
She looked up, and it was then that she realized Trunks was on his stomach on the rooftop, his right hand on the side of the broken window of the small room, holding him there, and his left hand grasping her hand tightly. He groaned loudly in pain as he felt his right hand pulled against the shards of broken glass on the edge of the window, the weight of Pan adding more to it. When their eyes met, she noticed tears at the edge of his eyes. "I'm not going to lose you too, Pan." His voice was quiet but firm.
Her body shook as she looked away, to the ground hundreds of feet below her, her body occasionally hitting the building as she gently swayed back and forth. She sobbed, tears cascading down her face, shaking her head side to side. "I didn't want you to save me, Trunks," she sobbed weakly. Her left arm that was holding on to her right shoulder slowly reached up to where his hand was holding her. She grabbed onto his wrist.
"Please don't," he whispered.
She shook her head again. "I can't handle this, Trunks." Her voice was weak, as if all of her energy was drained; used up and there were none left. She started to feel her body come out of the numb state and she felt entire pain shoot throughout her body, starting with the palms of her hands where she had skidded against the ground minutes ago.
He tightened his hold on her. "If you make me let go, I'll jump off with you."
She laughed bitterly. "Don't be stupid."
"I'm not the one hanging from the top of this building, am I?" he shot back, though he sounded scared. When she didn't answer him, he closed his eyes, tears threatening to fall. But he couldn't break down now at this moment. He needed to have the strength to keep his grip on her. Tears fell from his cheeks, his emotions finally out in the open instead of bottled up inside, and he swore under his breath. "Don't do this to me."
"Two weeks, Trunks. We haven't spoken to each other in two weeks. Why the heck are you caring now?" Pan's voice shook as she spoke.
He didn't answer. He didn't even know what his answer to her question. His girlfriend had just died. He couldn't have moved on that quickly, could he? Unless he had never loved Marron the way he thought he did. "I never stopped caring, Pan." That was the truth. And that was probably the most truthful thing he's ever said to her ever since he started denying his feelings for her. He heard her cry even harder, but he continued to speak. "Stay with me," he whispered, pleadingly.
"I don't understand you at all," she cried quietly, her left hand letting go of his hand. Trunks felt the adrenaline still pumping through his veins and he used all of his strength and pulled her up slowly, inch by inch. When he finally grabbed hold of her firmly, he collapsed on the ground, his hand a bloody mess, but he didn't seem to notice. Pan was in his arms, safe from the edge of the building.
She was crying hard into his chest, holding onto him as if he would disappear if she let go, and he held onto her that same way. "I'm so sorry," she cried, shaking her head. He buried his head on the material covering her shoulders and he shut his eyes tight, his body shaking as he cried silently with her.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, although I find it kind of hard to because it was so depressing… Hehe, it's my mood again and it's sort of affecting the mood of the story, but I hope it's alright. I was able to get Trunks to make her stay with him, if that makes it any better. Anyway, this story's going to end soon, after maybe 1 or 2 chapters… I'm not sure yet, but count on either 1 very long chapter or 2 sort of short chapters.