Day 32.
"Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I'm heavy, like there's too much gravity on my heart."
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror this morning. I got so annoyed by my own reflection, Chloe, I just snapped. I punched that mirror. You always told me that I knew how to throw a punch. I guess I really realized that when the glass broke beneath my fingers, effectively shattering my reflection with it. Then again, it might not be because I can throw a good punch in general. I don't remember ever punching something that hard ever before.
The pain was temporary, just like everything else is temporary. But this pain wasn't followed by numbness, by emptiness. It was followed by a sweet ecstasy. It was a pain I could control, and I enjoyed that. Much more than I should. I liked controlling something for once, instead of having it dumped upon me.
I was cleaning the cuts when CR walked in on me. She said she had heard a crash, when suddenly she stopped talking, eyes shifting between my face and my hand. I didn't know why she looked so unsettled at first, but was later informed that I had been smiling. She immediately forced me to my feet and dragged me to the hospital.
How come that a change of pain, if only temporary, made me finally smile again?
Can you explain that, Chloe?