Dearest Father,

Finally, after all of our hard work, it was time to go see Bartrand and let him know that we were prepared to join the expedition. As soon as Varric said he found a partner for the Deep Roads, Bartrand didn't seem too happy. I wish Varric had bothered to mention this little fact to his brother long before we approached him. I had that awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach from being in the middle of some family affair that I shouldn't have been in.

Luckily Varric has that slick tongue of his and convinced his brother that if they waited any longer, there would be no profit to find in the Deep Roads. Bartrand agreed to a full share, and I gotta hand it to him, he already had the food and equipment and extra hands ready to go. I guess he was just hoping someone like me would fall out of that sky dwarves are afraid of and throw coin at him. Lucky for him I had that coin, as well as the maps from Anders. His face lit up with excitement when he noticed four entrances into the Deep Roads from the Free Marches. I wonder now just what he had planned to do without my information and gold? If he had a plan at all.

I had a plan. I knew exactly who I wanted to bring with me. Bartrand said I could only take two additional people besides Varric. I wanted Carver with me, and he practically begged me to take Isabela. I thought it would be a good idea to take her as well considering Castillon was still looking for her; give her a chance to lay low for a few weeks and maybe he'd think she left Kirkwall and he would do the same. But Mother had a different plan.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Ser dwarf, but I need to speak with my children."

"Mother, no," Carver began, seeing the look on Leandra's face. "We talked about how important this is."

"I just want to know one thing," Leandra asked of her daughter. "Are you planning on taking Carver with you?"

Hawke sighed. They had gone over this with Leandra several times, once more again this morning when they said their goodbyes. She seemed fine with it then, but it was clear from her expression that Leandra was having second thoughts. "I can't leave Carver behind," she told her mother. "I need him."

"I'm going," Carver added. "It'll be fine."

Leandra shook her head. "No, it's not fine. It's not going to be fine. You can't both go. What if something were to happen to you?" She turned to Hawke, her eyes pleading. "You I understand wanting to do this. But leave your brother here, I beg you. I can not lose another child...I just can't."

And that was the truth of it. She didn't mind if I went, she just didn't want to lose her precious baby boy. Countless times she has blamed me for Bethany, and now of course she would blame me for Carver should anything happen to him. It's taken me this long to finally not see anger or hate in her eyes. As she begged for Carver to stay, I saw something different. Vulnerability? Fear certainly, but not for me. I couldn't take her hating me again. I knew Carver would be angry with me, but I can handle his anger. So when I decided to take Fenris, whom I had planned on taking anyway before Bartrand ordered his two person restriction, Mother was of course happy again. Kissed me goodbye and everything with a smile on her face and her son by her side. Carver however, was angrier than I thought he'd be.

"Mother's right," Hawke finally said, feeling defeated. "We can't both go into the Deep Roads. It's too dangerous."

"So I get left behind to mind the chickens?" Carver asked. "It's too dangerous for me but not for you? You should stay and hide, you're the one running from the bloody templars anyway!"

Hawke closed her eyes, wishing her brother's voice wasn't so loud in his arguing. Knight-Captain Cullen stood watch from the south wall, and she knew he had heard. Her being a mage wasn't anything Cullen didn't already know, but Carver's words challenged the templar openly. Would Cullen move in to arrest her after Carver's statement? He was looking right at her when she dared to open her eyes again, but there was no change in his stance.

"All the more reason I should go," Hawke whispered. "Carver, please. Please understand. You know how things have been for Mother without Bethany. I can not be held responsible for..."

"Carver," Leandra interrupted. "You're sister is only doing what she thinks is best."

"I know," he replied furiously. "I guess I'll have to do the same," he said as he began walking away, Leandra following closely behind.

Hawke felt the sting of his final words to her. What did he mean by them? She resisted the tears that burned her eyes. The large crowd that had formed around Bartrand as the expedition was preparing to leave was not the group of people she wanted to break down in front of. When she could no longer see her mother and brother as they descended the stairs out of Hightown, Hawke turned to get back to Bartrand. Only he wasn't the one standing behind her. It was Cullen.

"You made the right decision," Cullen told her. "Forgive my saying so, but your brother made it difficult not to overhear."

She offered the templar her best awkward smile. "Yes well, Hawke family drama is always difficult and a bit loud. I'm sure your also happy to hear I will be leaving Kirkwall for a while," she added.

"If it will help, I can keep an eye on your brother while you're gone," he offered.

Hawke's eyes lit up with gratitude. "Really? You'd do that?"

Cullen nodded. "Of course. The Deep Roads is no joke Hawke, you should be careful and keep your mind clear of outside worry. I will see to it that Carver is safe in your absence."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you," Hawke said sincerely. "And thank you for not..."

"Hauling you in right before your big break?" Cullen smiled. "I'm just here to make sure crowd control is maintained. It would be best for you to be on your way now though, before things do get out of hand."

Hawke noticed Bartrands impatience reaching a breaking point behind him. "We're leaving now," she nodded to the dwarf. And to Cullen she added, "I'll see if I can't find you a nice gift while I'm down there, as a way of thanks for today."

"Come back in one piece Hawke," Cullen replied. "That will be thanks enough."

Odd that I feel better about a templar watching over Carver, but it was a nice gesture on Cullen's part. Aveline is so busy with the guards, and Merrill isn't exactly someone I would trust my brother's life with. And Anders...well, he's not really speaking to me right now.

After all that I have seen since being in Kirkwall, a lot of what Anders and his spirit have been saying made sense. There does need to be a change. But when I offered him a different point of view, and told him what Cullen had said to me about how mages need to understand templars just as much as templars need to understand mages, he and his spirit snapped. He told me there were plans, big things happening, and that I could either be on his side or against him. I don't see why I need to choose a side. How about survival? That seems like the best choice right now.

So no, Anders wasn't coming to the Deep Roads, nor would I ask him to watch over Carver. They don't get along to begin with, and Anders didn't want to come anyway. Something about swearing to himself that he'd never step foot in the Deep Roads again...that was fine with me. I wasn't planning on inviting him anyway.

So Isabela and Fenris will be with me for the next few weeks along with Varric. I'm glad it worked out this way; Isabela is away from Castillon, and if Danarius comes looking for Fenris in Kirkwall, well he's not home. I would've hated to learn that magister caught up with Fenris while I was away. Maybe this trip will be good for all of us; I can get to know them better, and maybe that stubborn elf will learn that not all mages are horrible creatures. I can dream, can't I?

Looks like we're pulling up camp again to continue on. The next letter I write to you will be from the Deep. Keep an eye on the family will you? Don't worry about the darkspawn; it'll feel good to get the opportunity to kill some more of those soulless bastards. If it weren't for them, Bethany would be beside me instead of Isabela...something I am trying very hard not to think about on this trip.

"This has to be the worst," Isabela whined as she tried to get the spider ichor out of her hair. "You think Bodahn has something in that cart of his for gut removal?"

Hawke had to laugh at the pirate. After spending days traveling below the surface and then finally being able to settle down for a few hours, Isabela hadn't complained at all. Forget being seriously wounded during the attack of the emissary, or spending hours looking for Bodahn's son Sandal. She chose her hair to complain about, of all things. "I'd go check it out. That dwarf seems very resourceful, and has pulled a few surprises out of that cart in the last week."

"He should be using his supplies to keep the fires lit," Fenris growled from behind her.

"I don't mind assisting Fenris," Hawke replied as Isabela ran off leaving the two of them alone. "Better to save the supplies if we don't need them."

He muttered something inaudible and Hawke sighed, turning to face him. "Even though we are constantly being attacked by darkspawn, giant spiders, and almost by that thing Sandal managed to freeze," she said, "do you know why I enjoy being down here?"

Fenris laid out his bedroll before replying. "No. Why?"

"No one here cares that I am a mage except you," she answered, laying her own bedroll down a few feet away from him. "The dwarves don't care, the hirelings are happy to be warm and fed, and not a templar in sight as far as the eye can see!"

"You misunderstand me Hawke," he said sitting on his bedroll and retrieving a sharpening stone from his pack. "They take advantage of your kindness."

His response surprised her. "You mean to tell me that you no longer care I am a mage then?"

Emerald eyes looked up at her between strands of white hair. "I do not recall saying that either," Fenris stated with a smirk that was dangerously close to a smile.

Dearest Father,

So far so good I think. We finally reached the thaig Bartrand was hoping to find. It took a little while though, several cave-ins made things a tad more difficult but we managed to find a way around. I'll admit this to you and you only: I almost regret not bringing Anders now. Between the chaos of the darkspawn and watching everyone's back on my own, Isabela was seriously injured. I wasn't able to get to her in time and I thought we'd lost her for a minute there. I'm doing the best I can with the healing around here, but I'm not as good as Anders is. Thankfully Isabela wasn't too mad at me, but said a night in my bedroll next to me to keep warm was what I could do to earn her forgiveness. Maker she doesn't stop trying!

Bartrand seems to believe we have stumbled upon a thaig of dwarves that were around long before the first blight. He had heard rumors of this place but didn't know for certain until we arrived that it actually existed. Not exactly helping my confidence in him by these statements he makes, but at least he's stopped running us all on little sleep. Tonight will be food, sleep, and then heading off into the thaig in the morning to explore. However he knows when morning is given the lack of sky. I suppose dwarves have some secret sense of time since they are meant to live below the surface anyway.

I'm making progress with Fenris I think, which is nice. I think without the ranting of Anders in his ear and Merrill being a reminder for him of blood magic, we can actually make some headway towards a nice friendship. I'm a little worried about him though...he hasn't said anything, but I wonder what being near all this raw lyrium may be doing to him. I think it's reacting to the lyrium in his skin somehow; I occasionally see him scratching at his arms as if he had a million bug bites. I'll ask him before we head out again if there is anything I can do.

That Bodahn is such a thoughtful dwarf! A near tragedy, he told us his son had gone running off into the tunnels unsupervised. Though when we found him he seemed to be doing just fine on his own, Bodahn keeps thanking us for saving his boy. Honestly Father you would know, we didn't do anything except escort him back. But now Bodahn says if we do find our riches and get into Mother's old estate, he wants to come work for us as some sort of thanks. I assured him that if we did manage to find anything down here, though so far it seemed unlikely, that he could work for us and be paid for his services.

Let's hope this thaig has something, otherwise we have wasted a lot of time and coin. Help us out if you can, will you?

Dearest Father,

Sorry it's been a while, but I haven't had access to anything to write with in days. I don't even know where to begin to explain the chaos that has been our trip! I guess I should start by thanking you for your survival tips growing up...the emergency rations in my pack made a big difference for the first few days, but supporting all four of us it didn't last as long as I had hoped.

Jumped ahead of myself, sorry. Varric's jerk brother locked us into the ancient thaig. We found this idol that he thought was worth more than his brother's life and he took off with it and left us to die. Nice guy right? So we were on our own since Bodahn had all of our supplies and rations while we scouted ahead. As I said the food lasted a few days, but after that it almost got ugly.

Fenris has a new appreciation for mages. It's not like there was any water to be found in that place, so it was up to me to keep us all hydrated. The funny (well not really funny) part was we hadn't even thought to do such a thing until after a fight with some nasty shades. I had released a frost spell and our bodies immediately went after the remains of the ice when the fight was over. So we lived on ice chips, and then Isabela came up with the idea to melt the ice to get it warm enough for us to at least bathe in. Last thing we needed was to miss a cut or a scrape under filth and become tainted. We created makeshift bathtubs with stones as best we could, then I'd fill it with ice and melt it down with fire. In a pinch it worked wonders, though hopefully I'll never have to do that again.

Met a demon down there. Promised us a way out if we left his "children" alone. There were profanes that fed off the strange lyrium in the old thaig, and this demon was feeding off of them. It was an easy decision not to cut a deal with it. Fenris seemed almost proud that I hadn't even engaged in conversation with it and immediately attacked it. The demon fled at first, sending abominations and more shades to do his dirty work on top of the profanes we were already fighting. But we met up with the demon further into the thaig and it finally came to blows. We were broken, exhausted, starving, and becoming increasingly claustrophobic, but I have to admit even I was excited to see the treasure we had found! Among the treasure? A key to a door that led us right back where we started, at the beginning of the old thaig.

That was a week ago. Today we are on the surface, laying in the dirt and enjoying the sky above us. I am able to write to you thanks to our newest friend Bodahn, who remained behind after Bartrand and his men left. Bodahn refused to go with him, and good for him for standing his ground because Bartrand can be intimidating if you're a dwarf! But also yay for us! I think I ate enough for four people, and I'm sure I will regret it when my stomach catches up. The only one really unaffected by the hunger was Fenris, which made me sad because that just means he was used to it from his life as a slave. That didn't stop him from eating just as much though!

With Bodahn and Sandal here the journey back to Kirkwall should be a breeze. We don't have to continue to carry all of this heavy treasure we found, we have food, we have water, and we have our health. With the exception of Bartrand leaving us behind like he did, it really was a successful venture for us. Varric says that as soon as he gets the chance he will reach out to his contacts and get the best price for what we have. That will help when I distribute the coin to everyone. I figured it's only fair everyone get a cut, even if they weren't allowed to come with us. Every one of them helped Carver and I raise the money for the expedition in the first place, it's the least I can do. I was only going to do it with my share, but Varric said he'd chip in too. What a great business partner I have in him, and also a good friend.

I can not wait to get back home and tell Mother and Carver the good news...as Varric says, we're going to be rich!

Hawke gleefully skipped steps as she ran upwards towards Gamlen's hovel. She couldn't wait to see the look on her mother's face when she announced the good news. Soon they could buy back the Amell estate, and Leandra can get back into that nobility circle she'd been craving since stepping foot back into Kirkwall. Carver would have the coin to do whatever he wanted to do with his life, and everyone could breath a little easier.

When she opened the door, Hawke froze, almost unsure for a moment if she were in the right home. Her uncle was there, her mother too, but standing before her was also a man she almost didn't recognize at first.

"So, you're back." He walked towards her, Leandra right behind him, and Hawke felt for the doorframe to steady herself.

"Oh thank the Maker!" Leandra exclaimed. "Please, talk some sense into him!"

Hawke blinked a few times, staring between her mother and this man she was barely able to comprehend was her brother. The sight of him overshadowed the anger in the back of Hawke's mind at her mother not even saying hello and simply demanding she fix this. "Carver? What is that you're wearing?"

"I've joined the templar order," Carver replied matter-of-factly. "There's no point in trying to talk me out of it. It's done."

Time seemed to stand still as she processed his words. Her baby brother, a templar? The same man that feared them so much when she left has now joined them? Hawke's head was spinning, and she truly felt as if she'd pass out at any moment. "I...I need to sit down."

"Here, let me help you." A third voice in the room she hadn't heard yet, and then someone was holding her elbow. Hawke turned to see Knight-Captain Cullen, who she hadn't even noticed when she first entered.

"Cullen?" She pulled away from him angrily. "Was this your way of keeping an eye on him? I meant for you to keep him safe, not recruit him!"

Carver stepped forward. "Sister, careful. Remember who you're talking to."

Hawke pressed her back against the wall furthest away from the both of them. "I know damned bloody well who I am talking to." Her angry stare pierced through Cullen. "How could you?"

"Don't blame him for this," Carver insisted, though Hawke barely heard a word he said as she continued to glare at Cullen. "I wanted this. For myself."

Cullen shifted uncomfortably. "I should uhm...leave you alone. This is clearly a family matter."

He reached for the door cautiously which was still within Hawke's reach. She barely managed a whisper through her anger and pain. "I trusted you," she said to him. He stopped to look at her, sorrow in his eyes for hurting her, but said nothing further as he left the family alone.

"Marian, please," Carver approached her. "I want to be someone, more than just your brother. This is my chance."

"Oh Carver," Leandra replied when Hawke couldn't answer her brother. "Please, my boy, the Order is so dangerous. Your sister won't be there to protect you."

He knew his mother wouldn't understand, but he had hoped his sister would. "No, she won't be," he told his mother loud enough for Hawke to hear. "But perhaps now I can protect her." And with that he walked out of Gamlens to follow Cullen back to the Gallows.