I know I jumped a bit in this chapter, but I am working my way towards an ending for this story. I can tell people are losing interest because of my slow updating and the truth is I don't think I have the time to commit to something of this magnitude anymore. It's just not fair to anyone involved. I have every intention of adding to this universe with either one shots or smaller multi-chapter fics, but nothing this large. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I will get the next one posted as soon as possible. It will be a companion to this fic.
Beckett smiled at the cup of coffee, still steaming, sitting on the nightstand. She wrapped both hands around it and took a generous sip. She finally stood form the bed, going in search of the man who left said cup. She took the scenic route through the beautifully extravagant hotel suite the publishing company put them up in for the weekend. They were in Philadelphia for one of his book events. It was their first weekend away together.
She found Castle in the small kitchen, listening intently to whoever was on the other end of the phone. While she was somewhat disappointed to see him so ready to greet the day, he at least looked good. He was in a pair of jeans and the incredible blue sweater he had worn on what ended up not being their first date, at least in her opinion. He was still convinced that night at her apartment could be considered a date. She trailed her hand across his shoulder blades as she waked past. He grinned at her and gestured towards a plate of food sitting on the counter. She carried it towards the small table near the window. As Castle finished his conversation, she munched on crispy bacon and forkfuls of fluffy scrambled eggs. She smiled up at him as he came over and refilled her coffee. He finished his call and lowered himself into the seat opposite her.
"Good morning," he greeted finally.
"Morning," she mumbled, reaching for her coffee to wash down an exceptionally large bite. "You're already dressed to do things…a book signing by the looks of it," she mused. He always dressed more casual when he was meeting with fans. He said it made the fans more comfortable and showed them that he was really just another human being.
"Just a short one," he mentioned. He was actually in between books. His new book was set to come out later in the year, but there was still all the behind the scenes magic to wrap up. The publishing company had him making weekend trips to do marketing teasers for the upcoming release. "Are you coming with?" he wondered.
"Not if I have to get dressed anytime soon. I never get to sit around in my pajamas," Beckett snorted.
"Well, I shouldn't be gone long. Then I am free the rest of the day," he grinned. "We can do whatever you want." Beckett's face lit up. She was excited at the prospect. It was nice to have no responsibilities and be able to just focus on Castle.
After Castle left, Beckett spent all of twenty minutes in her pajamas. With no one there to enjoy her morning with, the idea of sitting around doing nothing bored her to tears. She grabbed a quick shower and googled the location of Castle's book signing. Seeing it was within only blocks of the hotel, she decided she could take a leisurely walk to the bookstore and do a little shopping while she waited for him to finish.
Beckett watched as Castle spoke softly to the elderly woman at the front of his line. He signed her book and gave her a soft smile. He spoke gently to her about something or other making the woman produce a dimpled smile. Beckett loved seeing Castle's tender side. She saw it a lot behind closed doors but was glad to see he was not always loud, flashy, and cocky in public.
As the woman moved along, Castle glanced up and met Beckett's eyes. His face lit up at the sight of her.
"Hold on just one second, ok?" he asked the next fan in line. He stood from the table and gave the rest of the line an apologetic wave as he quickly went to greet Beckett. She saw his intent and quickly ducked behind the pillar she was leaning against. She so didn't want to be the girl he singled out at a book signing, not with all of those people watching. A beat later he rounded the pillar.
"What happened to sitting around in your pajamas?" he laughed, keeping his voice low to avoid curious ears.
"It wasn't much fun without you there," she admitted, sticking her tongue out to counter his pleased grin. "Go back to your fans. I'll get lost in this bookstore until you're done," she added, shooing him with her hands.
"Ok, see you soon," he smiled, kissing her cheek.
Beckett watched Castle for a few more minutes before going off to explore.
Castle took about another hour signing for the remainder of the people in his line before going to find his girlfriend. She was in the young adult section with three books tucked under her arm and reading the back of another one. He slid up behind her and dropped his chin on her shoulder.
"Find anything good?" he asked.
"Mostly stuff for Gen," she replied.
"She is our champion reader," he chuckled.
Beckett's heart fluttered at the use of the word "our". It was just a further reminder of how much of a family they were becoming.
"I can be ready to go whenever you are," she mentioned.
"I don't want to rush you," he countered, happy to just stand there and watch her look at books all afternoon.
"There are bookstores in New York," she laughed.
"Yeah, but you don't take days off in New York," Castle pointed out.
"All the more reason we should go do something other than this," Beckett finished, spinning to face him. She wrapped her free arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.
"Something other than this?" he mused as they broke apart.
"No, more of this, somewhere else,"she decided, giving him another quick kiss.
As they walked back through the store, Castle took the books from Beckett and handed them to his event handler and giving them a pointed look with a gracious smile.
"Hey, I wanted those!" Beckett protested.
"I know, I'll take care of it," he replied dismissively, leading her towards the door.
"Rick," she whined. She was not a fan of him buying her things, especially for Genevieve.
"Kate, relax. They'll probably comp them and even if they don't, it's not a big deal," he grinned. She rolled her eyes.
"I don't like it, she pouted once they stepped outside.
"I know you don't," he replied, leaning back against the brick of the building and pulling her towards him. "But I think you should let me do it anyway, every once in a while," he finished with a wink.
"How do you do that?" she asked, frustrated.
"Do what, sweetheart?" he wondered.
"Convince me to give into you," she sighed.
"It only happens on rare occasions. I guess I just get lucky sometimes," he shrugged. "And on this particular occasion I guess I happen to have you out of your comfort zone, so I think I have the advantage."
"You don't have to look so proud of yourself," she teased, rolling onto her toes to kiss the smug grin off his face.
"I promised you we could do anything you wanted, where do you want to start?" he asked.
"Lunch?" she suggested.
"Sounds good to me," he agreed. He took her hand and led her down the street in search of a place to get some food.
It had been a beautiful day and was melting into a beautiful evening.
Castle had spread himself out on the lounge chair on their hotel balcony. He was in nothing but a pair of soft grey sweatpants and was sipping on a glass of malt liquor.
"Are you going to stand at the door and watch me all evening or are you actually going to join me?" he called to Beckett. She was in the button down he'd worn to dinner the previous night and despite the fact they spent most of the afternoon making love, he was considering taking her all over again, right there on the balcony. Her deep blush only added to her beauty. She smiled sheepishly and stepped out on to the balcony. He lifted his arm, opening a spot for her by his side. She tucked her legs underneath her and leaned into him. He took a swallow of his drink before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She giggled at the feel of his cool wet lips against her skin. For as relaxed as he looked from the doorway, up close Beckett could tell something was on his mind. His body held all the subtle hints of tension she had become familiar with in the months they had been together.
"You want to talk about whatever you're thinking so hard about?" she returned his earlier teasing. He laughed but didn't say anything. Figuring that was his answer, Beckett relaxed against him. If he wanted to talk about it, he would. No sense in pushing him. She set her attention to the setting sun and the feel of being next to him, knowing they had nowhere to be but with each other. That was something rare in a relationship like theirs and she was grateful for the opportunity.
"I love you," he broke the silence moments earlier.
"I hope that wasn't what you were thinking so hard about," she retorted with a laugh. He returned it easily.
"No, that's actually the one thing I don't have to think about," he replied. Her heart warmed at the sentiment. Castle smiled down at her then looked off into the horizon again, back to his thinking. He wasn't lying. He knew without doubt that he loved Beckett. He wasn't saying it was always easy, especially in the beginning, but he always loved her. Long before he felt comfortable admitting it, even to himself. Now, he was realizing he was ready to consider the next step with her and was struggling to broach the subject.
A silence stretched between them, both seeming to drop the subject.
"I just…" Castle started, but it quickly gave way to a sigh. He was having trouble to find the words and he didn't want to screw this up. This was a big conversation that they needed to have.
Beckett studied Castle's face. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him so conflicted. She was beginning to get a back feeling. Something was weighing heavy on his mind, he was obviously having a hard time articulating it, and she had no idea what it was. She couldn't keep her heart from constricting. Things had been so good for month, was this finally the other shoe dropping?
"After 'I love you', ' I just..' sound a lot like a 'but'," she mentioned with a nervous laugh.
"No! No, not at all!" he responded quickly, with vehemence.
"Then please give me a clue. Your noisy thinking and lack of explanation are starting to freak me out," she admitted, forcing her tone to stay light hearted and somewhat playful. Castle sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was already screwing this up and he'd only said two words. "You can tell me. It can't be any worse than what I am imagining," Beckett prodded, her voice going soft. He took a deep breath and decided to heed to her advice.
"I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone who does not share DNA with me. And the past few months have been amazing, probably some of the best I've ever had and as time goes by I am realizing just how much I like having you and your beautiful daughter in my life. You two are so much a part of my life that I am honestly not sure what I would do without you anymore. I know that's kind of scary, but it's the truth. And all of this heavy thinking and cryptic false starts are me trying to figure out a way to tell you that I am very serious about our relationship and I know where I want this to go and that I want to ask you where you think this is headed, just to know if we're on the same page," he rambled.
Beckett swallowed thickly and took a moment to sort through everything he said. It was rushed, nervous and a bit garbled. However, she had no one but herself to blame for that. She was the one who told him to get on with it.
"Where do you think this is headed?" she asked, her heart hammering against her ribcage in anticipation of his answer. She had a feeling she knew what he was going to say, but she needed to hear it. Castle cracked a smile at the way she turned the conversation back to him.
"Let me put it this way, in the past if I was with someone as long as I've been with you, I was either engaged at this point of seriously considering that as an option," he said carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off with this conversation. In the past, almost every time he brought up the idea of moving forward in their relationship, she threw up her walls and hit the breaks, hard. He desperately hoped they were beyond that.
Beckett's body flashed with nervous heat at the word 'engaged'. Her feeling was correct and that's what she figured he was going to say. However, hearing it out loud was completely different, despite the fact that she needed him to voice it. Her lack of immediate response must have made Castle nervous because he began to speak again.
"But with you, I know it's not that simple. I can't just ask you to marry me. There are other factors at play and to be honest, I don't even know if you want to marry me. I mean, a big part of me really thinks you do, on some level, but I don't want to base a huge life decision on an assumption. Plus, I know you have Gen to consider and that makes this all much more complicated. Not to mention, based on my track record, I am not exactly the greatest candidate for future husband…and I am completely screwing his up…" he cut himself off, finishing with a groan of frustration. He stood and moved to the edge of the balcony, facing the city and putting his back to her. He gripped the railing to keep his hands from shaking. All the adrenalin flooding his system was making him woozy. It wasn't like he was even proposing, he was really just asking if he could.
She was almost stunned by the way his ever present self-confidence unraveled in front of her. It was so out of character and that alone was a testament to how important this was to him. As she watched the muscles of his bare back coil with tension, she felt guilty for forcing the words out of him. He obviously felt he needed more time to get it right in his head so he didn't feel like he was "screwing it up". She followed his lead and stood as well, approaching him.
"You're not screwing this up," she spoke against his skin as she pressed a kiss between his taught shoulder blades.
"Kate…" he sighed, not loosening his grip on the railing. Beckett stepped around him and covered one of his hands with hers.
"I'm sorry," she started. Castle flicked his eyes to meet hers. His blue orbs were full of confusion.
"Sorry? What…?" he didn't understand why she was sorry. He hoped it wasn't because she had a completely different idea of what their next step would be as a couple.
"I shouldn't have pushed you. I didn't mean to force you," she explained. He smiled softly, somewhat relieved she wasn't sorry because she disagreed with where he thought they were headed as a couple. At least not yet. "But I meant what I said. You didn't screw anything up. It's a tough subject to just start talking about and I know in the past I haven't been as receptive to conversations about our relationship as I should have been and I know that didn't make this easier on you," she admitted. Castle still didn't seem convinced. She pushed herself between him and the railing. He couldn't help but smile down at her as she leaned back against the railing, her dark hair blowing in the wind and his shirt pulling taught across her chest. "That's better," she laughed as she noticed his body relaxing and his blue eyes sparking back to life. "I love you," she started, just like he had. "And it's never been like this before. You make me feel so loved and safe," she smiled and wound her arms around his neck. "I've thought about where we're headed and Gen has asked a couple of times. I understand what you mean when you said this is not as simple as two people falling in love. Because we're there. We are in love and to be honest I think we are ready for more. I am very serious about us as a couple and I really don't want there to ever be a time when you aren't in my life."
"But we have Genevieve, so what does that mean for us?" Castle continued with her line of thinking.
"I don't think it means we can't move on to the next step, I just think it means we have to do it cautiously," Beckett started. She appreciated at Castle said 'we have Genevieve' telling her it was something they would figure out together. She did not consider Genevieve a complication or an obstacle, and she knew neither did he, but they both knew she would have to be included in a decision this big and even with as comfortable as she was with Castle in their lives, this kind of decision may take some time to get used to. "The fact that we are even having this conversation says we're already on the right track," she added.
"Well, you said Genevieve has asked you a few times about our future together, what has she said?" Castle wondered.
"Nothing either way, just general inquiries. But she loves you, Rick, you know that. To be honest, I think she would be very happy if got married. However, she struggles with change so it would be something we both need to sit down and talk to her about and ease her into it," Beckett replied.
Castle was surprised how easily Beckett was opening up about this subject. She'd obviously given it come thought. Considering the rocky start, this conversation seemed to be going particularly well. But with all she'd said about Genevieve, he still didn't know what that meant for them.
"So that means…?" he asked, deciding not to beat around the bush.
"You said at this point a relationship you would normally be seriously considering engagement as an option. I would say you can seriously consider it and if while you're considering it, you wanted to look at… I don't know… engagement rings…that wouldn't be completely out of line." She finished with a coy shrug. She hoped she concealed her excitement some. After she had Genevieve she had pushed any idea of marriage to the back of her mind, especially with Cole's absence for most of her pregnancy. The truth was she had a little girl to raise and that was her first priority and after so many dates where men ran off at just the mention of Gen, marriage became more and more distant. Beckett was ok with that. She was happy in her little world with her friends, her father, and her daughter. That was all she needed, or so she thought. But in the last six months, Castle had begun to change that idea. He showed her how wonderful it was to be with someone, to love and be loved. Of course she was slow to commit and reluctant to give their relationship the respect it deserved, but now that she had, she couldn't be happier. While she was still somewhat intimidated by the idea of marriage, she was ready to at least think about taking that step with Castle.
Castle's heart soared. He could hardly believe Kate Beckett essentially just told him she wanted to marry him. His brain was so caught up on that fact, he didn't know how to reply.
"Really?" he blurted.
"I mean I don't really want you to go out, buy a ring, and propose tomorrow, but yes, really." Beckett confirmed. "My only hesitation about marrying you is Gen adjusting to the change, but I know you and I can get her through that." Castle absolutely beamed and it was infectious. Beckett couldn't help but smile up at him.
"Did we just decide we're engaged to be engaged?" he asked, albeit lamely. Beckett affectionately rolled her eyes.
"I think so," she conceded to his remark. He gently cradled her head in his hands, kissing her deeply. He spread his legs, bracketing her feet and pressing her closer to the railing. She sighed into his kiss, tasting the strong liquor on his tongue. Her teeth caught on his bottom lip, tugging gently. He groaned and untangled his hands from her hair to grip her hips and lift her into his arms. Instinctively, her legs wound around his waist. He had the urge to set her on the railing in front of him, but not wanting to risk dropping her over the balcony, he turned and walked them back into the suite. He carried her into the master bedroom and dropped her on the bed. She arched against him as she felt his hands searching for the buttons on the shirt she was wearing. She gasped softly as his fingers grazed the soft skin between her breasts. She felt his knuckles against her sternum as he undid the top button. She was oddly thrilled by the sensation caused by his hand continuing this action down the center of her torso. Before long the oversized oxford shirt was unbuttoned and fluttered open around her. Castle grinned as he looked down on her, completely exposed to him. Beckett reached a hand out and caught the waistband of his pants. She fisted the material and pulled him to her. He stumbled over his own feet and caught himself with his hands on the bed, leaving him looming directly over her. He dipped down and captured her lips. She moaned slowly making him nearly come unraveled. His breath caught in his chest as her hands deftly worked the drawstring on his pants. He stood again, only to remove the remainder of his clothing, then he stretched out next to her on the bed. He wrapped one arm around her and moved her into his chest.
"You look amazing my shirt," he whispered, gently fingering the collar of the shirt. A soft laugh rolled thorough Beckett's body.
"Well, it didn't look terrible on you at dinner last night," she smirked. Castle nodded and half shrugged, apparently agreeing with her. He ran one finger from the base of her throat, across her collarbone, between her breasts and down her body, stopping just below her belly button. A trail of goose bumps erupted in his wake. He slid his hand over to her hip. He pushed himself on top of her.
"You can keep it for now," he decided, gently sucking on the skin below her ear. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled his head down for a deep kiss. He groaned as her body arched against his. His eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head as her hand reached between them to grip him tightly.
"Oh, sweetheart…" he sighed. "We start this game that way and we won't be playing very long."
She reluctantly released him and sighed as his body settled against hers.
Castle met Beckett's lips with yet another with a fierce kiss. He moved down her neck and across her chest. He stopped to give each of her nipples enough attention to make her squirm and whimper. He chuckled and pressed his lips against her sternum. His lips trailed across her stomach, over her hip bones, and finishing with a teasing kiss to her inner thigh.
"Rick, please," Beckett begged. He straddled her, pushing his weight back onto his heels so he could see her face. He gently cupped her cheeks in his large hands. Blue eyes met green ones.
"I love you so much," he whispered as he dipped his head to kiss her.
The first round was frantic, more about curing the ache than anything else. It was a quick ride to a blinding release. The second round was slow and deliberate, the purest example of making love. Beckett was so overwhelmed by the rush of emotions she felt. She loved this man more than almost anything in the world and there was a good chance she was going to get to spend the rest of her life with him. She hadn't felt this complete in a long time.
I know it seems like Beckett has really lost the fear she had about being in a relationship and all that, but like I said, I jumped a bit with this one and I just imagine her starting to come around in that time period.