Disclaimer: Same as always, it's not mine. Also, please forgive me for the wait between chapters!
"The assault really did have terrible lasting effects on Malik didn't it?" Annie asked her grandmother.
The old women sighed. "Everything about Malik's life changed that night. The way he acted, the way he looked at things, the way he reacted to people. It created a whole other side of him that wasn't there before."
"A side he hated but couldn't control," Annie said. She knew what happened to the Egyptian was a terrible thing but she'd never really thought rape could have such long lasting consequences. It made her hate herself for every time she hadn't taken the issue seriously. It wasn't just something villains in novels did to advance the plot, it was a horrendous crime that ruined lives.
"All of the boys suffered terribly during the war," her grandmother reminded her. "And not a one of them deserved it."
The next photo was of Seto. He was seated on the edge of a lavish bed, his face turned slightly towards the french doors in the background. Annie imagined they led out onto a balcony. The sun was setting in the background, painting the sky vivid shades of pink and orange, and the dying light from the sun illuminated Seto's handsome visage. He looked like a tragic hero sitting there all alone. A figure untouched by the passage of time.
"He had an iron will and an inner strength that was practically unmatched." The women's words floated across the photo. "But he was also only human, and after so long with nothing to go on it was understandable that he was just getting tired."
XXX
Noa took the photo as soon as he entered the room. He knew if he gave Seto the chance the boy would move and he'd lose that glimpse into the brunet's private thoughts forever. He hated to see Seto like this. Hated that there was nothing he could do for him; no answer he could give, no secret he could share.
He wanted Seto to accept that the other boy, Yami, was dead. Accept it and learn to move on. And yet he knew that wouldn't be the outcome. If the truth of the facts was ever fully accepted by the brunet on the bed, something inside of him would break and Noa knew Seto would never be the same.
It was why he still supported Seto in his quest. He wanted the teen to be happy and it was chasing after his lover's ghost that gave Seto the strength to go on right now. Noa could only stay by his side and hope that one day things would get better.
Hope. It seemed to be the only thing Seto had left these days.
Vacant blue eyes turned to regard Noa when the flash on the camera went off. He should have gotten angry and made a sharp remark about doors existing so people could knock on them before entering, but he just accepted the older boy's presence. The blue eyes returned to the sunset.
Noa couldn't quite deal with the pain the dismissal bought him.
"I brought you father's latest financial statements," he spoke at last to break the awful silence.
"Anything of interest?" The voice didn't even sound like Seto's. It too hoarse, too lifeless.
And suddenly Noa was angry. "Look for yourself," he snapped, throwing the papers down onto the room's desk. He saw Seto's fingers clench and thought perhaps they would fight, but then Seto let out a low sigh and the tension drained from his body. A hand came up to rub at his temples.
"Please Noa," he practically whispered. "I'm too tired for this right now."
It was heartbreaking. The sense of defeat that hung in the air was so foreign to his thoughts of Seto that Noa wanted to do something, anything to make it go away. He moved over to the bed and sat beside Seto, undiscouraged by the fact that the teen didn't even acknowledge him.
"I hate this," Noa confessed. His voice seemed unnecessarily loud in the stillness, but the brunet didn't seem to hear him. "Damn it Seto, look at me!"
Hands that had never known a day of hard labor in their life grabbed Seto's head and made him face the older boy. Noa's heart was pounding in his chest as those blue eyes, eyes that had haunted him for years, finally focused on him. He held Seto's head in place so that the boy had no choice but to see him...only him.
"I hate seeing you like this," Noa told him. "I hate that you're stuck in your memories and that your thoughts are always taking you to a place that I can't follow. Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to see you like this and not be able to do anything for you?"
The passion in Noa's words was unexpected and they startled Seto out of his daze. "Noa, what-"
"Just listen," Noa interrupted. He took a deep breath and then he let his secret out. "I love you. I've always loved you. And I've never wanted or expected anything from that love, but gods Seto don't you see what's happening to you? Your wasting away!"
Noa kept talking, but Seto didn't hear the words. He was much too shocked by the force of the green-haired boy's confession. Noa loved him? But why? And what about him, did he love Noa? No! He loved Atemu, Noa was just the boy who had been like a brother to him. Noa was only...
The person who had been his daily strength in this house growing up.
The person who was always encouraging him.
His greatest supporter.
His confidant.
The only one who made him smile when he was younger.
The one who cared for him when he was sick or hurt.
His friend.
Seto felt Noa take his hand and realized the Kaiba was looking at him with expectant eyes. Had he asked him a question?
"Noa I-" Seto paused as he realized he didn't really know what to say.
Noa saw the brunet's hesitation and decided to press his advantage. When Seto turned him down he didn't want to have any regrets. Leaning in he pressed his own lips to Seto's.
It was strange. Seto hadn't been kissed in so long, and he hadn't been kissed by someone other than his boyfriend in nearly forever, that at first he was more shocked then anything. He was certainly too surprised to push Noa away. And then the all too familiar warmth passed through him and he realized how much he had missed it. Maybe just being close to someone- anyone- would be enough. His eyes slipped shut as he surrendered to the gesture.
Noa's hand tangled in Seto's perfectly kept hair and when the younger boy sighed into the kiss, Noa deepened it. The kiss was wet and hurried, as though Noa expected to be denied at any moment, and yet it contained all of the feelings he'd been holding back for so long. As his tongue swept against Seto's he realized it was finally really happening. He was kissing Seto.
Pulling back for air, Noa was surprised to feel hands grab at the front of his shirt. Seto was pulling him back, his eyes still tightly shut, lips begging for another kiss. Noa knew he shouldn't. Seto was vulnerable. The teen had been alone for so long now it was only natural that he would respond to such affection. He trusted Noa and the older boy had a responsibility to keep his best interests in mind. And yet he wanted this so badly.
Seto was relieved to feel lips return to his. The kiss were shorter this time, quick little punctuations of love that had his head spinning. Soon the lips were moving, traveling softly down his neck and he could feel hands roaming under his shirt, playing across the skin of his torso. Everything was happening too fast; he didn't have time to think.
Seto's shirt was pulled over his head and then tossed to the floor. His eyes were still shut as he felt the mattress against his back, felt Noa crawl on top of him. Seto didn't want to think. If he thought about it, it would stop and then he'd be alone again. He just wanted to feel he told himself as Noa kissed him again and he felt fingers at the waistband of his pants.
Seto was beautiful. Laying there beneath Noa, his lips moist and swollen from being kissed, his face flushed and breathing quickened. It was exactly how Noa had wanted to see him, and yet it wasn't quite how he'd imagined. It hadn't escaped the older boy's notice that Seto's eyes had remained tightly closed the entire time. Noa's mind and heart were screaming at him that this was an important clue, but his body ignored it. All that more demanding part of him wanted was more contact with this teen it had been lusting after for years.
Seto moaned when Noa's fingers undid the button on his pants and worked the zipper down. His pale fingers grabbed onto the sheets as a palm pressed against his growing hardness. Gods how he'd been wanting this. That was the thought that ran through his mind and he didn't bother to contradict it. His hips moved upward without a thought seeking more of the contact he had denied himself for so long. And yet he knew this was wrong.
Seto knew if he opened his eyes he would see blue eyes that mirrored his own staring back at him instead of the deep red ones he craved. The pleasure his body was feeling was nothing more than a betrayal of the man he loved. But Atemu wasn't here, he might never be here again.
Noa had stripped himself of his shirt and was working on his own pants. Seto seemed hesitant to touch him but he couldn't let a little thing like that bother him. The teen just needed some time to adjust to the idea. For now Noa just had to show him how much he loved him. How good they could be together.
Noa was kissing Seto again and the younger boy couldn't help but respond. Noa was here and Noa loved him. That should be enough right? It couldn't matter that he was hoping the hands that caressed him would have a slight roughness to them, or that were his hands to run down the other boy's back he wouldn't feel a scar near the right shoulder blade from running down a hill backwards with Jounouchi. That wasn't a reality for him anymore, but this was. If he wanted it, this could be his forever.
"Seto." Noa was calling to him, his name a breathy moan on the boy's lips as Noa's hands paused on his thighs.
Seto opened his mouth to answer back but stopped when he realized it wasn't Noa's name he was about to call. Finally opening his eyes, he caught Noa by the arms.
"Noa stop."
The green haired boy halted his actions at the quiet request, but his heart still pounded in his chest as he panted for breath. "What's wrong?"
Please, please don't let him back out, Noa thought. It only took one look at Seto's face to know his chance was over though.
"We can't do this Noa." Seto didn't like the look that crossed the older boy's face at his words. His own body was still flushed and trembling.
"I love him," Seto told him by way of explanation. "I love him and I still believe he's out there somewhere."
Noa knew this was a bad idea. He never should have allowed himself to take advantage of Seto like this. He loved the brunet and had considered himself blessed to be as close to him as he was, and now he'd risked all that for what? A few heated kisses and some heavy petting?
His fingers moved unnoticed to his lips. He didn't think he would ever forget the feel of Seto's lips against his or the feel of that lithe body pinned underneath him, but it would never happen again. Seto loved Atemu, always had and always would. Noa saw that clearer now than he ever had and it cut at him like a knife. Even when Seto was finally forced to accept his boyfriend's death there would be no moving on. Their bond was stronger than that.
"I'm sorry," he told the younger boy, his fingers moving to brush a few stray bangs out of Seto's eyes. The simple words could do little to convey the depth of his regret. He realized that the situation should have been awkward, both of them sprawled on the bed in only their boxers, the memory of skin against skin still fresh in their minds, but instead Noa just sensed a distance growing between them. He hated it. "I never should have done this."
That caught Seto's attention. His blue eyes lost their unfocused quality and narrowed into a furious glare. How dare Noa imply that he'd had no say in the matter? He wasn't so weak that he couldn't have stopped the older boy if he wanted to, hadn't he just done that? This had happened because for a brief moment he had wanted it. For just a few minutes he had simply wanted to forget.
"You weren't exactly acting on your own," he snapped.
Noa's kisses had been an escape. He'd tried to pretend that his life wasn't the hell he currently found it to be. He'd pushed aside the aching loneliness and the pain caused by Atemu's absence, trying futilely to fill the void with something else. He'd blocked out the fear that no matter what he did it was never going to be enough and that the wonderful happiness they had shared would be lost to him forever. He tried to forget. To forget it all and just feel what this other person was offering...
But his heart would never allow him to forget.
"I'm sorry," Noa repeated. He wanted to explain it to the brunet; to make him understand, but he didn't bother. He knew Seto well enough to know it was unnecessary. It was the same way Seto didn't need to elaborate on his rejection, Noa already understood.
"I should go," Noa said as he rose from the bed and gathered up his clothes. The pants were slipped back on, but he didn't bother with the shirt, it would only delay his departure. Seto wasn't even so much as looking at him as he walked towards the door.
He paused in the doorway. "You know, I really do love you Seto."
The younger boy didn't make any response, but Noa was certain that he knew. He politely shut the door behind him.
XXX
Gozaburo caught Noa just as he was passing his office on the second floor. He called out to his son and the young man obediently joined him in the commodious work space. Gozaburo had been informed by a member of the house staff that Noa was in Seto's room earlier with the door closed and as he looked at his son's flushed face and disarrayed attire it wasn't hard to guess why. An almost proud smile graced the austere man's lips.
"Please have a seat," he entreated. "And close the door behind you."
Noa didn't like the look in his father's eyes but he did as he was told. He knew better than to disobey the man, and while his father had never raised a hand to him growing up, he had treated enough of Seto's wounds to know what the man was capable of. His mood darkened a little at the remembrance.
"Did you need something father?"
Direct and to the point as always, Gozaburo got to the heart of the matter. "How did things go with Seto?"
"Excuse me?" Noa was taken aback by the statement. In exactly what context was his father asking that question, and how did he know anything had happened at all. Then he remembered the elaborate security system wired throughout the house and felt a knot in his stomach. "Were you watching us?"
The business magnate almost laughed at the not completely unjust accusation; it wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed his mind. Besides, the sheer disgust on the green-haired boy's face was amusing. "You shouldn't let your emotions show like that," he cautioned. "Your competitors will eat you alive in the boardroom."
"Does something like that really matter when you have no intention of leaving this company to me anyway?" Noa's gaze hardened and his visage echoed his Kaiba bloodline.
Gozaburo didn't rise to the bait. "Kaiba Corp is a family business," he calmly reminded his son. "I won't hand it over to a bunch of incompetent strangers."
"Cut the crap father," Noa snapped. He could still feel the warmth of Seto's body as the boy had trembled beneath him, and his patience for the old man's games had worn out. "You've been grooming Seto to replace you since you took him in, so don't give me this keeping it in the family speech."
"Well now," Gozaburo mused, his darkened tone matching Noa's. "If you could just get your act together with that impertinent brat he'd finally be a real member of this family wouldn't he?"
It wasn't a shock to Noa that his father knew of his feelings for Seto, but to hear it discussed as though it was some sort of business deal was maddening.
"Our relationship isn't like that," he said, hating that it was the truth. Still, he hoped the words would be the end of it.
"So you needed to take your clothes off to talk with him then?"
Noa flushed slightly, and his hands automatically tried to straighten out his clothing. There was a note of hurt in his eyes as he looked at his father, as though the man was rubbing salt in a fresh wound.
"What's the matter?" Gozaburo asked. "You've had plenty of time to make him yours. Why are you hesitating?"
"He doesn't love me," Noa snapped. He hated his father for making him say it.
The man gave an exhausted sigh. "As if that matters. I didn't bring him back here so you could continue worshiping him from afar. You're a Kaiba dammit, just take what you want!"
"I love him," Noa declared. "I'd never hurt him like that."
"Don't talk to me of love," Gozaburo sneered. "If you want him, make him yours."
Noa's anger was bubbling close to the surface now and it was only with great effort that he restrained himself. "You'll never understand how I feel, you've never loved anyone but yourself."
"I loved your mother."
"You raped my mother." Noa was shaking. "You raped her and forced her to marry you."
"I got what I wanted." Gozaburo didn't even flinch as his crimes were thrown in his face. Noa's mother had been the local beauty in one of the villages he was scouting for a new factory when he was younger. The moment he saw her he knew he had to have her. She'd given him Noa, a son he loved regardless of what the boy might say, and his wife's death had been more hurtful to him then he expected. "I don't see why you hesitate where that boy is concerned."
Noa was tired of talking about this with someone who would never understand. "Why do you even care?"
"I've gone out of my way to make sure you could have that boy and it's distressing to see all my hard work not producing results."
"What do you mean?" Noa didn't grasp his father's meaning. His blue eyes narrowed. "What have you done?"
"Please Noa," Gozaburo dismissed. "This feigned innocence doesn't suit you. Did you really think it was a coincidence that Seto keeps ending up here at the Manor? You told me that day at the chess tournament when he was only nine that you wanted him. I simple made it happen."
The room seemed to spin as Noa tried to process what he had just heard. Was his father serious? "I was only a child," he defended. "I didn't know what I was saying."
"Nevertheless. I was determined to see that you got what you wanted. It wasn't hard to arrange for his parents' little accident." Noa's stomach flipped at the admission, his hand covering his mouth as the nausea hit him. Gozaburo merely rolled his eyes. "I thought it would take more to pay off his other relatives, but they handed over his guardianship for a fairly small sum. Seto was the most expensive gift I ever bought you, although I do think he's the most treasured one too."
"Stop it," Noa hissed. "Stop talking about him as though he were a piece of property!"
Noa had never had any illusions when it came to his father. He'd known from any early age what a ruthless, heartless man Gozaburo was. Still, that his father would ruin an innocent boy's life because of something he had said was appalling. How had he not put it all together before? Had he believed that there was a line even the great Gozaburo Kaiba wouldn't cross?
That was when it hit him. He didn't really want to know, but he couldn't stop himself from asking. "And that boy, Yami, you got rid of him to didn't you?"
"He was in the way." Gozaburo's voice betrayed no sense of guilt or remorse. He seemed almost proud of what he had accomplished.
Noa leapt at him, but his father easily caught his blow and stopped it. "I should think you would be more grateful Noa. I did all of this for you after all."
"Don't say that!" Noa's voice was choked as he fought back his anger. "I never asked you to do this."
"Don't lie son. You wanted that boy and you enjoyed having him here all those years."
"I didn't realize it was all just a part of your plans!"
"I just gave you what you wanted." The fatherly tone in Gozaburo's voice was sincere and it only sparked more of his son's contempt.
"How dare you claim to have committed these atrocities on my behalf," he snarled. "I have never wished for anything more than Seto's happiness. How dare you twist my feelings into some sort of justification for your own desires."
They held each other's glare for a long moment, and then Gozaburo's dark laughter filled the room. "You're pathetic Noa. You can try to justify it all you want, but never once have you complained that he was here. I've given you this opportunity to have him, I suggest you don't let it go to waste."
"You're sick," Noa ranted as he took shaky steps toward the door. He stopped with his hand on the door and was suddenly reminded of his shameful retreat from Seto's room earlier. This time he wouldn't be asking for forgiveness though, this time it was a plea for mercy. "Please father, just leave him alone."
"Don't be foolish," the man laughed. "If you don't wish to make him yours then this family has no use for him. I'm sure his genius will be useful to the company a little longer but he knows too many of our secrets to just walk away."
The icy words sent prickles of terror down Noa's spine. Finally, he was looking at his father's true face. He imagined it was the side of the man his mother must have seen before taking her own life. But Noa wouldn't follow in her footsteps, not entirely.
Seto had suffered too much for too long because of him, and as he walked out of his father's office that night he vowed to find a way to set things right.
A/N: Ah, the twisted love of a father. I felt really bad for Noa as I was writing this chapter and looking back on it during the editing process it seems a little depressing. I was going for emotionally intense, but oh well. I really hope you guys will take the time to leave a review because my muses seem to be on vacation and I need a good kick to get this story going (and hopefully finished).
Next chapter: Malik seeks his revenge