Chapter 25: Revelations

"So um, what's she like?" Willow asked, nervously pacing about.

Sensing Willow's trepidation, Tara stood and wrapped her in a tight embrace, "She's very nice and she's here to help and plan. Ok? Talk to me Sweetie. What are you worried about?"

"Well, how much time do you have?"

Tara smiled and kissed Willow's forehead and continued to hold her until she felt some of the tension ease and release itself from her lover's body.

"Tare, I really don't know why I'm so jumpy. I just don't want her to think that I'm the architect of your professional destruction. You know, the girl that swooped in and single handedly wrecked your career?"

Tara snickered, "Will, I'm scared about coming out as well, but it's not going to destroy my career. I may not get the same type of offers as before, there may be less, but I'll still work and if I don't then you can support me."

Willow started to laugh and relax a little. "Ah, there she is. There's my sweet girl." Tara said.

"Hmmm, I like that."

"What?"

"When you call me 'your girl.' It makes me feel all warm and tingly, thank you."

"Well, you are and I'm yours," Tara smiled sweetly and pulled Willow forward, capturing her lips in a loving kiss, "Feeling better?"

"Keep doing that and I'll be fine in no time at all."

"Mmhh, not a problem," Tara breathed as she reclaimed Willow. The blonde's lips lightly brushed across Willow's as their bodies merged together. Just when the kiss was beginning to deepen they heard the familiar sound of the gate buzzer radiating throughout the house.

"Tara!" Kelly called from the living room, "Cyndi's here!"

"Be right out!"

"Come on Baby," Tara gave Willow one last kiss, took her hand and led her out of the bedroom.

After the greetings and introductions, the four women gathered around the dining room table with various drinks and snacks. Tara scooted her chair closer to Willow and intertwined their fingers in Willow's lap. Grateful for the sweet gesture, Willow smiled at Tara, took a deep breath and tried to relax.

"So, I hate for this to be so formal," Cyndi laughed a little trying to break the ice, "I just wanted to meet with you both, review some options and get your thoughts on how you both would like to proceed."

Tara spoke first, "Well, the whole point of staying on the DL right now is because we don't want to get outed before the trip to Texas. If we can make it the next two weeks, I don't see an issue with going out in public together. In fact, they'll be no avoiding the cameras at LAX. They crawl around that place like cockroaches, especially during the holidays."

"Tara, I was thinking…maybe it's not a bad idea for you to be seen with Willow and photographed [i]before[/i] the trip. Maybe a few times the next couple weeks," Tara started to interrupt, but Cyndi just continued to talk, "What I'm saying is, let them photograph you as friends, just do your best to tone down the PDA's."

"But why?"

"Well this way, you give them something, without giving them anything." Cyndi said glanced at a confused Tara.

"Oh, I get it," Willow interjected, "It serves a dual purpose. If they're able to photograph Tara, doing [i]normal[/i] things, it will pacify them and they won't be so aggressive. Kinda like throwing a dog a bone. It also gets people used to seeing Tara with me, so it's not so much a shock later. Essentially, we'll be hiding in plain sight. It's probably a good idea for Tara to be seen more as well, so it doesn't look like she has anything to hide in the first place."

Tara and Cyndi turned to Willow with a look of utter disbelief.

The redhead look at Tara and shrugged her shoulders, "What?"

"Tara, your girlfriend is a genius! Willow, I like the way you think." Cyndi exclaimed, winking at the redhead.

Kelly sat on the opposite side of the table rolling her eyes and crossing her arms across her chest, "Um, excuse me, but aren't you guys trying to keep Willow a complete secret? If I'm not mistaken, won't being pictured together be a red flag to her family?"

Tara was still staring at Willow with a big goofy grin when she answered Kelly, "No, it's perfect actually. If it's just casual pictures and no avoidyness, the pictures won't make any mainstream outlets, probably just some random blogs and such. No big headlines or anything to draw attention. Even if the pictures do make it into print, we'll already be in Texas by then and it won't matter."

"Exactly," Willow said, grinning back at Tara.

"But keep it casual. For example, meet somewhere for lunch, maybe catch a movie, go shopping…you know, things friends would do. Just be careful not to hold hands or kanoodle."

Willow and Tara giggled as Tara gave Willow's hand a reassuring squeeze and the sweetest lopsided smile. The lover's eyes lingered on each other for several long seconds, both thinking the same thoughts: [i]When are these people going to leave?[/i]

"Ok, anything else?" Tara asked.

"Tara, I think it's a good idea to get the jump on the Paparazzi and issue a statement, before they out you with misinformation. By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, there may be rumors"

"Ok, what did you have in mind?"

"Maybe People magazine or Us Weekly. We allow them to break the story as an exclusive. Then hit a few talk shows, if necessary. Maybe Ellen, Oprah or both. Ellen may be the better choice, since she's been there, but you know Oprah is…well, she's Oprah. Kelly, what's coming up for Tara?"

"Oh, just the usual November sweeps stuff, plus a few other shows to promote her People's Choice nomination." Kelly stated vaguely.

Willow shifted in her seat, pulling her legs under her to get more comfortable and reached for her drink when Kelly glanced in her direction. "Um you know Willow, you don't have to stay for this stuff. It's all just boring business items. I mean it looks like you may be more comfortable out on the couch or something."

Willow couldn't believe her ears and Tara was bewildered as to why Kelly would make such a bold suggestion.

Willow raised her head defiantly and sat up a little straighter, "Actually, I find all this very interesting and if TARA doesn't mind, I'd like to stay."

Cyndi was confused, to say the least and her eyes were darting back and forth between Willow and Kelly. For a brief second, she thought she saw Willow's eyes go completely black as the redhead looked as if she was going to shoot lasers at the assistant. Something was going on and she made a mental note to ask Tara later.

"Baby, of course you can stay. I wouldn't want you anywhere else." Tara reassured Willow as she sent a questioning glare in Kelly's direction.

"Anyway, Kelly can you be more specific please?"

"Sure, next week Tara's doing Kimmel and Conan plus she's set to do some press in New York right before Christmas." Kelly said in an irritable tone.

"Specifically." Cyndi asked, with a tinge of annoyance in her voice. If there was one thing that she did not tolerate, it was a poor attitude. Especially towards the person that pays you.

Kelly sighed heavily and continued, "She's doing a week long media blitz for Shelter Rock. So far we have Regis, GMA, The View, and Letterman.

Willow looked at Tara quizzically, she knew about Kimmel and Conan, but the New York trip was news to her. She suddenly felt very much out of the loop. She glanced across the table and caught Kelly smirking. She narrowed her eyes at the brunette who continued her conversation with Cyndi.

Tara couldn't help but notice Willow's growing insecurity and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "It's an Oscar push for the movie, it all came up in the last few days. I'm sorry, I was going to talk to you about it tonight once I had all the details."

"It's ok Tare." Even though her voice was saying it was ok, Willow's eyes and mannerisms were betraying her. She let go of Tara's hand, cast her eyes downward and began to play with the hem of her jeans. She didn't mean to pout; she just needed a minute to think.

Tara rested both hands on Willow's to stop the fidgeting and get her attention. She motioned with her eyes and tilted her head towards the kitchen, hoping that Willow would get the hint.

Tara stood, "Um, I'm going to freshen up my drink. Would anyone like anything?" Cyndi smiled and slid her glass towards Tara, as she continued her conversation with Kelly.

"I'd like more as well, I'll go with you Tare." Willow also stood and followed Tara away from the table.

As soon as they were in the kitchen, Tara pulled Willow around the corner and out of sight of the others.

"Sweetie, I'm so sor-" Tara began, but was cut off by Willow's lips firmly planted on hers. Tara moaned into the tender kiss, ending with a few quick pecks.

"Tara, I'm ok. I just felt a little…I don't know, it's not your fault."

"That w-was never m-my intention. I'm s-sorry, I'm an idiot, I

sh-should've mentioned it t-to you already."

"Ssshhh honey, I'm fine," placing a finger on Tara's lips, "I just needed to wrap my head around you going 3000 miles away for a week. I'm just…I'm gonna miss you, that's all."

"I know." Tara agreed as she leaned her forehead on Willows.

"Can we talk about it later? You know, alone after? Without Kelly around."

Tara reached up and caressed Willow's cheek with her thumb, "Sure Sweetie." It was then that she understood why Willow got her feelings hurt in the first place. Kelly had made Willow feel like the junior partner. She knew something that Willow didn't and then rubbed her face in it.

"Willow, what's going on between you and Kelly?"

Willow shrugged her shoulders, "I don't really know. It started the night I came over and you were downstairs. She got pissy with me and I really haven't the slightest clue as to why."

"You never mentioned it."

"Well as I recall, we did get kind of distracted," Willow said smiling seductively at Tara, "And I guess I just forgot all about it."

"Come on, let's get back in there and get this over with," Tara said as she started to walk away.

"Hey, are you mad at me?"

"Oh, God no. Not at all, I'm just tired and I'm more than a little angry with Kelly. She has no right to make you feel that way."

"I guess we can add another name to the growing list of people whose butts need a swift kicking." Willow said with a slight smile, kissing Tara gently on the cheek.

They finally returned to the table, with fresh drinks and rejoined the discussion, wrapping things up about an hour later. Cyndi suggested that they meet with Tara's current TV bosses and the movie studio executives to keep them in the loop. She didn't want the studio to get miffed that their Oscar push turned into a three-ring circus revolving around Tara's personal life. Cyndi warned Tara that they might try to persuade her to wait until after the New York trip, but to stand her ground. Since Oscar nominations weren't announced until the end of January, it wasn't really feasible to try and hide it for several months.

The sheer emotional weight of the discussion had exhausted both Willow and Tara, and when Cyndi left, they retreated to the bedroom for some much needed rest.

About an hour later, Willow was awakened by the sound of Tara gasping for breath and moaning. Willow was sleepy and a little confused before she figured out that Tara was having a nightmare.

Willow propped herself up on her elbow and placed her other hand on Tara's shoulder, gently trying to wake her. Unfortunately, the shaking and gasping just worsened. Willow began to get scared and started to wonder if it was a dream or if her girlfriend was having a seizure. Suddenly Tara screamed and sat straight up in the bed.

"Tara, are you ok?"

Tara's eyes were darting back and forth and she seemed disoriented as tears streamed down her cheeks, "What?" She said breathlessly.

"Baby, you were having a bad dream and you scared me half to death. Are you ok?"

Tara sat, still gasping for breath, then turned abruptly and got out of bed, "I'm fine, just need to use the bathroom." She said as she grabbed her robe and moved away quickly.

Willow was now wide awake and left wondering what had Tara so completely terrified. In the all the times that they'd slept together, this was definitely a first. Tara had never mentioned having nightmares before and Willow had not noticed anything out of the ordinary. She waited awhile, but when Tara failed to return, Willow decided to go find her. She pulled on a long t-shirt and padded into the bathroom. She flipped on the light, but there was no sign of Tara. Willow was baffled. To her knowledge there was only one way in and one way out. Where the hell is she? As she stood, wondering where Tara was, she heard a soft whimpering coming from Tara's closet.

Willow slowly opened the door to the darkened room. The light from the bathroom spilled into the closet, causing dark ominous shadows to dance on the ceiling and walls. As Willow's eyes adjusted, she saw Tara's huddled form on the floor in the far corner. The blonde was sitting with her back to the wall, hugging her knees with her face buried between them and sobbing. Willow's breath caught as she quickly closed the distance and dropped to the floor next to her still terrified girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around Tara and dropped several kisses on the top of her head.

"Ssshhh, Baby. I'm here and everything is ok. It was just a bad dream and I've got you now." Willow's heart ached for her lover and she wanted nothing more than to soothe Tara as her body continued to convulse with painful sobs.

Willow continued to sit and hug Tara close, gently rocking them back and forth for several long minutes until the crying started to lessen.

"Night terrors," Tara mumbled almost inaudibly.

"What?"

"N-Night terrors, I've been having them since I was a teenager." Tara said as she raised her head, sniffing and wiping her nose on her sleeve.

Willow sat back, allowing Tara space to sit up straighter and try to compose herself. "I'll be right back," Willow said, and Tara nodded as Willow walked swiftly out of the closet. She returned less than a minute later with a wet washcloth and a box of tissues.

Tara took a few minutes to get cleaned up, as she allowed her knees to descend into a more relaxed position. Now sitting cross-legged, she placed her hands on her ankles, taking in a deep breath and exhaling before speaking.

"There's something I need to tell you Willow, w-why I have these n-night terrors." Tara glanced up, meeting Willow's worried green eyes. "When I w-was fifteen I was on a show, S-Seven Coves? Anyway, m-my career was really st-starting to take off and there was this boy on th-the show. He was guest starring for a few months, and the st-studio thought it would be g-good if we were s-seen out together. S-So we st-started pseudo dating. Only after awhile it turned into r-real dating."

"Baby, you're stuttering so much and it's killing me to see you like this. Please, try and relax. You can tell me anything. I'm your safe place remember?" Willow's face was full of concern as she put one hand on Tara's knee and used the other to gently massage her shoulder.

Tara nodded, closing her eyes and breathing deeply; she continued, "Anyway, I was confused, a-about my sexuality. I was having crushes on girls and not boys. I didn't really understand what was going on. So, I started dating him because I thought I was supposed to. I liked him but there was no spark…no nothing really. Unfortunately, I had n-no experience with any of this, so I thought that's what it was supposed to be like. A m-month went by and we w-were getting more intimate. I didn't know where I wanted it to go, but I didn't d-do anything t-to stop it either."

Tara paused to blow her nose and Willow's mind went into overdrive. A million and two thoughts about what could have possibly happened to Tara were flying through at light speed, but she kept coming back to one thing: Oh God, Tara was raped. This one scenario stuck and just the thought that it may be true, made Willow nauseous. Her heart was pounding and if she heard Tara say it out loud, she wasn't sure she would be able to stop herself from throwing up. The more she allowed her mind to wander and wrap around that word, the sicker she felt. All she wanted to do was just to hold Tara and make it all go away.

By the time Tara started talking again, Willow's face was completely pale and a thin line of sweat had formed on her forehead.

"L-Like I said things were pr-progressing kind of fast and then…th-then…" Tara's voice trailed off and she started to sob.

"Oh God Baby, what did he do to you?" Willow could no longer control the tears as they began streaming down her pale, freckled cheeks and dripping onto the floor. She weaved her fingers through Tara's hair, trying to tuck it behind her ear and out of her face. The thin blonde strands seemingly glued to Tara's tear soaked cheeks.

Tara shook her head vehemently, "N-No, he didn't. It w-was consensual and then…I-I d-d-didn't, I didn't mean for it t-to happen."

Willow swallowed thickly and whispered, "What happened Tara?"

Tara started sobbing uncontrollably, pulling her knees up again and hugging them to her chest. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. The thought of telling Willow and having her walk out the door was almost more painful than the event itself. She pulled herself together and mumbled, "I-I got p-pregnant."

Willow sat still, staring at the blonde and willing herself to say something supportive, but nothing would come out of her mouth.

Tara slowly raised her head to look at Willow, "O-One time. I only did it o-once."

"Oh God Baby, I'm so sorry." Willow whispered, the tears still flowing.

"Then I-I d-did s-something h-h-horrible," Tara said as she looked into Willow's eyes expecting to see rejection, but instead saw nothing but love and concern, "I…I hh-had an abor-" Tara cut herself off and began to sob uncontrollably again.

"Sssshhhh, it's ok. You don't have to say it, ever. I understand and it's ok Tara." Willow wrapped Tara in a tight embrace as Tara collapsed into her; pressing her face snug against Willow's chest and holding on for dear life.

A little while later, Tara sat up, "I need to blow my nose. It's getting all over you…I'm sorry."

Willow simply shrugged her shoulders, "I don't care. Tara, who else knows?"

"No one."

"No one? Not even the boy?"

"No." Tara whispered, sniffling and wiping her nose.

"What about your Mom?"

Tara shuttered, closed her eyes and nodded her head, "When I told m-my Mom, sh-she went ballistic. I didn't w-want to go through with it Willow. She s-said that I d-didn't have a choice, that it would ruin my career. S-so she made arrangements at a clinic in Oregon under a f-fake name."

"They didn't recognize you?"

"No, I w-was still pretty much unknown, just starting to get popular. When w-we got back, she never mentioned it again. It was like it n-never even happened," Tara took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Willow."

"For what?" Willow asked, running her hand down Tara's arm.

"For not telling you sooner, for scaring you in the middle of the night, for…I don't know, everything?" Tara said looking up at Willow with swollen blue eyes.

"Tara, you don't have anything to apologize for."

"I just, I thought if I told you…then you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. I was so stupid and irresponsible."

"Hey, it was 8 years ago and you were only 15, just a baby yourself and you made a mistake. We all make mistakes; besides, you're telling me now. And you know what?"

"What?"

"There's nothing you could ever say to keep me away from you," Willow cupped Tara's cheeks in her hands, looking directly into her eyes, "…because, I love you…I love you so much." There they were, those three magical little words. They were out and Willow didn't even try to stop them.

Tara heard and then felt the words reverberate throughout her body. Willow didn't hate her. Willow wasn't leaving. Willow loved her. Tara gazed into Willow's green eyes, that were glistening with unshed tears, as she felt Willow pull her forward into a soft and gentle kiss.

Tara pulled back just enough to see her lover's face and whispered, "I love you too Willow. I'm so in love with you." As Tara spoke she pulled Willow's lips to her and they melted into one another as they mumbled "I Love You's" over and over again.

They stayed huddled together for quite awhile until Willow stood and held a hand out to Tara, "Come on Baby, let's got to bed." Tara nodded, smiling up at Willow and took her hand. Allowing Willow to lead her out of the closet and back to bed.