Title: Confession: Part II

Pairing: Nothing official yet.

A/N: This is the second part of Confession, which ended with a cliffhanger. Sorry to say that this one does too because I'm a horrible person. Again, it's the same characters from Soul Mates, Grief Of All Kinds, Our Blood And Their Blood, and She Who Loved The Whole World. I just get such enjoyment out of writing Nicholas and Meri. Enjoy!

)O(

"Would you hate me if I said I loved you?"

For a long time he just stared at her, speechless, still not bothered by the rain soaking his clothes and hair. He'd surely catch a cold. Just what they needed with an army of darkspawn at their doorstep, waiting to be driven back into the horrid Deeps.

Meri desperately wished for him to say something, even if it was only to give her a good tongue-lashing for being stupid enough to open her big mouth. It wouldn't be the first time she had gotten into trouble that way. But Nicholas wasn't like that, she knew. She found herself no longer expecting him to treat her like any other human lord would.

Nicholas shivered then, probably drenched to the bone by now. This seemed to bring his mind back from wherever it had wandered off to. His eyes focused back on the present and he stared at her again, seeing her this time.

"You love me?" he asked quietly, the shock evident in his tone. Meri realized at that moment that she wasn't really certain of what she felt for him.

"I...I spent a long time hoping to find my soul mate," she explained to him, and to herself. "I watched a man sacrifice his life for my safety. And when he died...I felt guilty, of course, but I didn't feel..." The elf made a vague gesture with her hands, unsure of the right word. "I didn't feel incomplete. It wasn't just because I didn't love Nelaros. Once I got passed all those tormenting emotions about his death, there was nothing missing. I was still whole somehow. Which meant that my soul mate must be out there somewhere. And then..." Meri trailed off. He was looking at her with a distant expression. "This all sounds pretty silly, huh?"

Nicholas shook his head. A silence stretched between them after that, broken only by the falling raindrops. "We'll talk about this later." he declared, and Meri breathed a sigh of relief. It was not the answer she had been expecting, but somehow it was the answer she wanted.

The elf carefully walked down the palace steps and into the rain. They walked back to Eamon's estate in that same perfect silence.

News of the Landsmeet had already spread remarkably quickly throughout Denerim. This wasn't really surprising to Meri, who knew the inner workings of the city intimately by now. There were eyes everywhere. Nothing ever stayed private very long, Even before the official announcement was issued to the people, everyone had already heard at least ten versions of the events from ten different sources. Such was the way of city life, she supposed. And as appealing as living in nature was in its way, she wouldn't trade Denerim for anything.

Upon reaching the estate, they were ushered inside by Wynne who lectured them on responsibility and made a point of emphasizing how worried everyone had been. Then a servant brought them both warm towels and a change of clothes.

Once she was dry and presentable, save for her hopeless blond curls which remained defiant as ever, Meri sat on the gigantic bed that was much too soft after spending months sleeping on the ground. She was finding it difficult to get used to having a roof over her head, something she had taken advantage of, even in the Alienage where she saw people on a regular basis who did not have that luxury. You grew numb to it after a while, as horrible as it might seem, but it was the only way to cope.

That, and Meri's unwavering optimism. Why must it fail her now?

What if he hated her? What if she was so monumentally mistaken in thinking it was a good idea to tell him in the first place? Okay, maybe not a good idea exactly, but...

The elf stared blankly into the fireplace, its heat not enough to warm her. Suddenly she needed a drink. Something strong and smooth should suffice. Since Meri had worked for much of teenage years in a tavern, developing a taste for ale was inevitable. All things considered, she didn't like the effect it had on her. When she'd had her first drink, it only made her slightly nervous and giddy and very unaware of her surroundings, so much so that she hadn't even noticed when Soris walked in...

The second time was after her father announced that she would be getting married to an elf from Highever, and while Meri just nodded and went along with everything he said at the time, she was furious. When she'd gotten to the tavern, Meri cried into her arms which were folded on the table, hot tears of anger and despair fell from her eyes. Eventually, someone bought her a drink. It made her numb. The lack of feeling both frightened and exhilarated her.

Her generous benefactor had been a man with a woman clinging to his arm almost possessively. He didn't try to talk to Meri, which she would have been grateful for if she was in any mood to feel anything. She remembered seeing he and the woman hastily retreat into one of the guest tavern's rooms. Maybe she was one of those types who get off on kindness. Nonetheless, the ale was good at least.

And she knew there was a certain dwarf who could give her that, assuming he wasn't passed out already.

)O(

Meri was often an open book. That was what he had come to expect. But sometimes she would do or say something that forced him to rethink all that.

Nicholas had wanted to tell her that he could never hate her no matter what she did or said. It was impossible to hate Meri Tabris. Now she had introduced this concept of love into the mix of conflicting emotions that arose whenever he thought of her. It was too much to take in all at once.

Meri was convinced that when two people knew they were meant to be together, everything else just fell into place. There was still the Blight and Maker only knew what else to worry about. Why did they have to talk about this now?

Did he care for her? Yes. Love her? Maybe...But he wasn't sure it was the same idea of love Meri expected of her soul mate.

"Warden."

Nicholas looked up sharply. Oghren was standing in the doorway, a pint of ale in his hand. He couldn't even begin to fathom why the dwarf looked so serious.

"Is there something you need, Oghren?"

"Oh, not really." he drawled. "I just thought you might wanna know that yer elf friend told me she plans ta get good an' sloshed. Thought I might be able ta help."

"What?" Nicholas blinked.

"She wants to get drunk." the dwarf clarified. "Now, normally I wouldn't oppose, but I could tell she wasn't doin' it for the right reasons. I got nothin' against drinkin' ta forget yer troubles, but I'm already an old sot anyway, and I've got enough regrets without lettin' desperate Wardens drink themselves into oblivion on my watch. She deserves better than that." That serious and far away look returns to his eyes. He showed genuine concern for Meri. "Anyway, I thought you should know."

Nicholas had a feeling he knew where she might have gone.

)O(

Meri was pleased to find the old tavern much the same as she remembered.

Edwina looked about to scold her for having missed work for more than a year, but decided against it, instead offering a strange sort of smirk. She was just happy to see the girl alive at all. Besides, it seemed Edwina had hired a few willowy blonds to replace her anyway. They were tall and slender, each with their thin hair put up in a tight bun. Their smiles were fake. She would know. One had to play nice with the gentleman if one wanted to make a copper before the night was out. These girls probably wouldn't have much trouble with that seeing as how the men would be staring at their tits anyway.

"Don't let it get to you, my dear." Walter said, having noticed her looking at the new waitresses with disdain. "You know you'll always have a place here." He slid another pint across the bar to her, free of charge, which was good since the employee discount no longer applied to her.

The bartender had always had a soft spot for Meri. Whenever she was low on coin, he provided her with some simple tasks courtesy of certain "interested parties" as he called it. The things she had to do were not entirely legal, mostly involving lockpicks or a keen eye, rarely ever forcing her to use the knife she used to keep in her boot. Well, she still kept it there, sometimes. Meri took a long sip of the new ale. A feeling much like nostalgia washed over her.

A drunken knight, probably the bastard son of some minor lord and one of his soldiers, staggered over to inform her that this tavern wasn't for her kind and just who did she think she was anyway?

"I'm a Grey Warden." Meri responded calmly. "I'm the one whose gonna save your sorry ass from the darkspawn. See, that's the thing about being a Warden, we don't get to pick and choose who we want to live or die. I even have to go out of my way to save pathetic humans like you."

The pathetic human in question just stared at her with that look in his eyes that men get when they want to hit a defenseless woman. Luckily, Meri was not defenseless. There was always her dagger, if it should come to that.

"I think you've had enough to drink, Ser Morely." Walter stepped in at that moment. He didn't want this boy's father coming after his head if the knight came home missing a few teeth, or worse, reduced to a bloody pulp in a gutter somewhere because of his own stupidity. "Why don't you just leave the lady alone, aye?"

Ser Morely took one long look at the elf, sizing her up. She glared right back. It was a silent challenge. Eventually the knight decided it wasn't worth it.

"Aye," he confirmed, nodding at Walter. He muttered an apology to Meri before stumbling out into the rain. She turned back to her ale, grinning.

"Trying to get yourself killed, I see." Walter observed, frowning.

"Oh please." Meri scoffed. "After all the brushes with death I've had in the last year? That was nothing, trust me. You try facing a dragon or broodmother and then tell me if you're still intimidated by some drunken human."

Walter looked like he wanted to ask for specifics, but decided to continue frowning instead. "It's not him I'm worried about, but his family. We don't know what he could have done to us. Maker's Breath, woman, I should think you've learned that lesson after the first time."

Her blue orbs narrowed and the bartender seemed to have figured out that he might have gone a bit too far. She had that look in her eyes that women get when they want to grab a man's balls and slowly squeeze the life out of them that way. She really should have known better by now.

"You're right." Meri told him. "Nicholas says we can't afford to antagonize the nobility, especially now that they've agreed to stand by us."

Of course, thinking of him led to all sorts of other things she was here to forget. Though part of her felt like maybe she could confide in Walter. It wasn't like he gained anything from judging her.

But before she could even speak, Nicholas materialized beside her.