Fallout

Sitting alone in the commissary, Jack was playing with his food. Lifting up a spoon full of fruit loops, he allowed them to slide slowly back into the bowl of milk, splashing one by one. He should have had breakfast at home except he had made excuses and left Sasha to deal with Daniella and feeding. Sam was off on a mission to Kelowna, helping Jonas with a Naquadria problem and Jack was doing his best to not be at home and not do anything when he was at work. Ever since Daniella's second birthday, when Sam had overheard his conversation with Teal'c, Jack had been doing his best to avoid Sam. After questioning him over what she had done, Jack had fobbed her off and any attempt she had made afterwards was met by his own cold shoulder. Sam did not need to know what had happened. No good was ever going to come of Sam knowing what Osiris had made her do, or what Jack had done during Osiris' interrogation. Teal'c had been the only one to escape any real contact with Osiris and Carpenter was the only one who spoken of what she had suffered. Sam did not need to know what had happened.

Unfortunately, Jack had no idea how to make her realise that and until she gave up, they were going to continue arguing, continue avoiding each other and she may yet decide to move back into her bedroom fully. They still had separate rooms, however, since they had evolved their relationship, she had spent every night in his room. Until their current argument. Jack really had thought that taking the leap into a relationship would have been easier than this and he was beginning to worry that they had made a big mistake. If their relationship did not work, Jack feared he would lose his daughter and the woman he loved.

"Everything okay there, Colonel?" Looking up, Jack saw Doctor Fraiser standing in front of him, cup filled with a steaming hot drink in her hands. "Something wrong with the food?"

He shrugged as an answer, dropping the spoon into the bowl to an even larger splash and he leaned back in his chair, defeated.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead," he waved his hand toward the opposite chair and the petite doctor sat. After taking a sip of her drink, Fraiser then looked at him and Jack sighed. "What?"

"Breakfast on base; Colonel are you neglecting my God-daughter?" There was a mocking smile on her face, a sign that she was joking, but Jack could hear the truth behind her words. The Jack O'Neill that he had become ever since discovering he had a daughter had not been one who avoided home by eating his meals on base. Did Fraiser even know that he was avoiding Sam? Had the two women discussed it?

"Had paperwork to catch up on," he lied and they both sat there in silence as Fraiser drank her drink and Jack continued playing with his food. Finally, Jack spoke again. "Doc, do you think… is it normal…?"

"What is it, Colonel?"

"Sam," he managed to answer reluctantly. "She… she doesn't remember anything yet. Is that normal?"

"We don't fully understand the host-symbiote relationship. Some host experiences are that they remember a lot of what happens, for others they remember very little. There's a possibility that the symbiote can keep the host hidden, or bury memories as it leaves."

"So…?"

"There's a very real chance that some hosts may never remember what happened to them," Fraiser answered diplomatically as she had earlier made the point clear to Jack that she could not discuss a patient's health with him.

"What if they get curious?"

"It may hurt an individual more to keep things from them. A host with no memories will already feel like they're left out of something from their team-mates, to know that those team-mates are keeping secrets from them may make it worse. It could cause them to feel incredibly segregated and in the dark – exactly how they felt when forced into being a host."

"Do you know what she did, Doc?" he asked in a hushed voice, leaning forward across the table. It would have been standard medical procedures for all four members of SG-1 to reveal all that happened to them, at least in report form, and Fraiser would have read them.

"I've read what's in the reports."

He knew that what Osiris had done to him, he had left out of the report. He gestured with a nod of his head toward another table where Carpenter was sitting with Major Lorne and Menard. Fraiser's eyes followed his. "It killed her. Did she put in her report how It killed her?" Fraiser's eyes focussed on her cup. "She felt herself die – last breath, heartbeat, the whole shebang. Does Sam really need to know that?"

The doctor looked up, her eyes narrowing at him. "What happened with you? What did you leave out of the report?"

"Sir. That's What did you leave out of the report, sir?" He had only ever spoken the words out loud to Teal'c immediately after the event, but Fraiser knew Sam best perhaps telling her would be his best course of action. "It took pleasure from me." It still filled him with shame now, but Jack was good at compartmentalising everything in his life and for the most part he was happy to ignore and forget about things. After allowing the information to digest itself within Fraiser, he asked, "Do you think she needs to know what I allowed to happen?"

"Colonel," she spoke slowly, her eyes still on her drink. "You have nothing to feel ashamed about. If you need, I can arrange for you to see someone." Jack laughed slightly at the absurdity of her words. "Or perhaps for both of you. Together."

"Thanks, doc, but I don't think so." Pushing his chair out, Jack made a move to leave, but Fraiser's voice made him pause.

"As a friend, you and Sam need to be more open about certain things."

"Hmm-hmmm," he mumbled, walking off. Jack hated when other people were right.