Hay everyone, so this chapter picks up where the last one left off. I hope you like it and if you do that you will leave a comment. Thank you so much.
Chapter 25
"What is it, J?" whispered Addison moving a stray lock of hair out of his face. At first he just kept staring at her, but then he sighed leaning into her touch as her fingers continued to roam through his hair.
"Did Charlie tell you about the meds?" said Jerome finally looking at her with a worried expression.
"Not much, why?" whispered Addison his question catching her off guard as she continued to try to sooth him. A silence fell between them then as she waited for him to tell her more. Her fingers continued to go through his hair as she waited and as soothing as it was Jerome couldn't let it help his worries away. So, when he could take it no more he grabbed her hand holding it in his own. His eyes never left hers then and as Addison peered into his eyes she realized just how worried he truly was.
"What is it, baby? You can tell me whatever it is. I'm always here for you, you know that," said Addison taking his face in her hands. She peered into his eyes then hoping he saw every ounce of love she had for him in her eyes. She wanted him to know she was here, that he could trust her no matter what the situation might be. But the look in his eyes worried her; he looked so scared, so unsure.
"I don't know about these meds Kristen wants me on, Addy. I know nothing about them. What did Charlie tell you about them?" whispered Jerome leaning into her touch even more then he already was. Addison held him tighter in her arms in that moment her forehead connecting with his. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to sooth his fears because like him she didn't know much either. But she would find any way to reassure him though at the moment she wasn't sure how she was going to do that.
"She didn't tell me much about them, Jerome. She told me that Kristen's gonna have you started on them soon, but other than that I don't know much. I don't even know what meds you'll be on," said Addison watching as his whole body seemed to deflate a deep frown marring his face before she lost sight of it as he buried it in her neck. Addison didn't know what was happening then, she didn't know if he just didn't want to talk about it anymore or if he was just taking a minute, but then she felt it. The wet saline of his tears on her neck as he began to cry into her neck and just the feeling of it put Addison in shock. Jerome rarely cried, she had hardly ever seen him cry, but seeing it now she didn't have to think she acted immediately. Without a seconds hesitation Addison pulled him as close as he could be to her as her fingers traveled to stroke his head once more. Her arms wrapped around him tight then feeling as his did the same almost instantly. Nothing was said between them, they only laid there as she comforted him, all she wanted was his tears to stop, for him to smile his smile, and be happy again. Kissing his cheek Addison was determined in that moment to do that.
"J, please, talk to me. What's going through that head of yours? What are you so worried about?" whispered Addison feeling as he clung to her in response. The silence remained for an insufferable amount of time. But finally Jerome looked at her, only when he did that did Addison stroke his cheek. Taking his face in her hands then she kissed him sweetly her eyes sincere asking for the truth. And as Jerome kissed her back he knew he could trust her with his feelings; he knew he could trust her with the thoughts in his head something he trusted very few people with.
"J, please," said Addison one final time her eyes pleading with him now. Jerome knew he would tell her as he always did, but he needed a minute. So, hiding his face in the warmth of her neck, Jerome breathed in the fruity scent that was her before looking at her again.
"You can tell me anything," whispered Addison pecking him on the lips feeling as he leaned in close seeming to savor her very touch and kiss.
"I know," whispered Jerome in return as their lips parted his lips turning up in a smile as he gazed up at her, his Addy, the love of his life. He knew she would always be there to listen as she had been since the day they met.
"I don't know anything about these meds, Addison. Everyone says their gonna help me, but what if they don't? All I want is for everything to go back to the way it was, I want to be normal again, but what if these pills don't do that? What if nothing ever will? I'm afraid, Addy, afraid that they'll turn me into some sort of robot. I mean, what if I'm not me anymore?" exclaimed Jerome his voice telling her just how much he really feared what he spoke of. Addison pulled him down into her arms in response her hands moving up his back and down again soothingly. She could understand why he was scared, he wanted to get better, but not at the expense of whom he was. She wanted the same thing. As much as she knew he should take the pills, if they were going to hurt him she wouldn't let him take them. She would protect him at any cost. He felt her lips touch his cheek again and when he looked at her again Jerome knew she would make it better. She would say something to send his worries away for good, Jerome knew that because she always could, that was one of the reasons he loved her.
"J, these meds are meant to help you. I mean, think about it, Kristen wouldn't put you on anything that would hurt you. These meds will make you better; they won't make you a robot or anything like that. They will cure you just as their meant to," said Addison his face in her hands once more.
"Yeah, but what if there's side effects or some shit like that? What if it does help, but I have to live with some other problem for the rest of my life? What if—," exclaimed Jerome before suddenly Addison stopped him.
"Stop it; you're getting yourself all worked up for nothing. Jerome, there are a million things that could happen, but if you worry about all of them you'll worry your life away. You need to forget about the what if's and have faith that everything will be fine. Everything will be fine and you will get better," whispered Addison looking into his eyes with conviction in her own. She felt him sigh then as his forehead fell against her own and closing his eyes she felt him nod his head in agreement. But even though he agreed with her Addison knew that wouldn't make his worries go away. A silence fell then, Jerome thought for a second she had nothing else to say. But then with a kiss to his lips she continued.
"And even if there is some sort of side effect that comes with these meds, you'll get through it. We all will because you will never be in this alone, Jerome. I will be here to get you through this no matter what. So, will Charlie and Oliver and Kristen. We love you, baby, we'll be here by your side until your better again," whispered Addison giving him a smile.
"I love you," whispered Jerome in response as he looked up at her with watery eyes. Addison nodded in response not having to say the actual words for her to know she loved him too as she kissed him with passionate sweetness on the lips.
"If you're still worried I can go get Charlie's computer and we can look the side effects up," whispered Addison as their lips parted her eyes filled with concern for him. She only wanted to make him feel better and if that was the only way how she would do it. Jerome only nodded in response before accepting another simple kiss from her. Lifting his body from hers then Jerome let her scramble from beneath him to get Charlie's computer. Addison returned to his side quickly sitting on the bed as the device sat on her lap booting up. As they waited for it to be ready Addison felt his arm move around her in the same moment as his head found a place on her shoulder and turning her head their eyes met. Leaning in close in the same moment their lips connected in a slow passionate kiss, by the time it was over the computer was ready.
"Tell me the name of the medication," whispered Addison drawing away from him to focus completely on the computer screen.
"Kristen said it's called Fluoxetine," whispered Jerome never taking his eyes off of her as she began to type. At the sound of the name Addison couldn't help, but crinkle her nose in distaste. Jerome noticed it immediately and kissing her cheek he leaned in close breathing her in again. She could be so cute sometimes, it made him love her more than words could express.
"Here, I think this is it," said Addison breaking him from his thoughts.
"That was quick, "said Jerome squinting his eyes at the computer screen.
"Computers aren't as bad as you think, sometimes they're pretty helpful," smiled Addison knowing how much he hated computers because he had never learned to use one. Addison quickly clicked on a link, a bunch of words popped up, and looking at Addy he couldn't help it when he smiled.
"What's it say?" whispered Jerome watching as her eyes moved quickly back and forth as she read. He had always found it kind of sexy the way she just zoned out and focused on whatever she was doing. Whether it be homework, cooking or a little alone time with him, Addy did everything to the best of her ability. He especially loved when it was him she was focusing on.
"Well…what's it say," said Jerome again his anxiety coming back. He was scared of what she might be reading, of the side effects that might come as the price for him to be well again. And that's all he wanted, for it all to go back to the way it was before he killed his mom, before Arkham, before Galavan. Jerome wanted it all to be what he knew to be normal again.
"Hold on. There is a lot here, J. As soon as I find what we're looking for I'll tell you," whispered Addison still focused on her task.
"Don't read it all, Addy. Skip to the part we need," exclaimed Jerome nearly screaming at her in his impatience.
"Hay, don't raise your voice to me, I'm reading as fast as I can. Calm down and have a little patience," snapped Addison her own eyes flashing with her anger. She had never let Jerome speak to her like that, she had never let him raise his voice to her, and she sure as hell wasn't going to start now. Jerome felt her move away from him then as she scrolled down her eyes still moving as she continued to read. He knew he had made her mad and that he owed her an apology, but in that moment all he could think about was those meds. He was so afraid about what they were going to do to him. When he could think straight again he would make it up to her.
Jerome followed Addison's gaze then watching the screen move forward. He still watched it though seeming almost transfixed with it before suddenly it came to a full stop. Looking at Addy then he saw her eyes moving fast as she read.
"Here it is, side effects of Fluoxetine," said Addison looking quickly back at him and away again. Jerome came to sit closer to her again his arms tight around her once more as his head came to lie right next to hers so they were almost cheek to cheek. Even when she was mad at him Addison couldn't help it when she leaned closer to him so that their skin touched.
"What does it say?" whispered Jerome his hand coming to rest on her stomach. It was then that Addison felt just how nervous he was as his fingers began to tap furiously at her stomach tickling her just a little bit. Trying hard not to laugh she placed her hand over his.
"There's side effects, J, but most of them it says are rare, so they most likely won't happen," whispered Addison reading over the long list as she spoke. As she read Addison herself started to get nervous. There were so many side effects, more than she had thought there would be, and watching Jerome out of the corner of her eye she began to worry.
It might stop him from taking the meds altogether.
"Addy, hurry up. Tell me what it says," urged Jerome his voice frantic.
"I told you, J. They're rare, so chances are you have nothing to worry about," said Addison hoping he would believe her and leave it be. But she didn't have much hope in that idea because she knew Jerome. When he needed answers he would get them at any cost. So, when he didn't waver, and only gave her an intense look she sighed looking from him to the list on the screen.
"Read the list, Addy," said Jerome refusing to look at her until she sat the computer aside taking his face in her hands to make him look at her. Jerome looked into her eyes then, he saw in them the deep longing for him to just leave it be, but he couldn't. He needed to know what might happen to him if he took this drug. He needed to know if it would really make him better or if it was all just a lie. If it was all just a part of a dream, a dream where he would get better when in all reality Jerome was afraid he wouldn't. That he would be this way forever.
"Jerome, listen to me. Listen to me, please, just stop this. These meds are going to help you if you let them. Stop trying to find reasons to back out of taking them because I know that's what you're doing. Everything is going to be fine, I know that. Deep down in my heart I know that. I'll read the list if you still want me to, but I want you to promise me you'll still take the meds if I do. Promise me, Jerome, I need you to promise me," whispered Addison tears gathering in her eyes. Jerome knew she was right, he was just looking for excuses to not take the meds, but it wasn't just that. He was truly scared about what they would do to him. That was why he couldn't make her that promise, not until she had read the list, and he knew for sure.
"Read the list, Addy," whispered Jerome.
"Not until you promise me this," said Addison leaning in close to him until their foreheads touched. Jerome stared into her eyes for a long time then before bringing his hands to cover hers.
"I can't, Addy. What if the side effects are something really bad?" breathed Jerome truly scared in that moment.
"I told you the things on the list are rare. We can come back to this if we need to. Nothing is going to happen to you, baby. You're going to be ok," whispered Addison.
"I don't want to come back to it if we need to, Addison. I want to know now. I need to know. I mean think about it, I'm pretty rare as it is, with my luck some of the rare things on that list could happen to me," exclaimed Jerome watching as she looked away from him then finally getting what he was trying to say. Addison suddenly understood and feeling as the tears moved down her cheeks she looked at him. He needed to know because if he didn't it would haunt him until he did; it would become another one of his nightmares. She didn't want that; she didn't want him to be in any more pain then he already was.
"I'm sorry I didn't think of that. I just don't want you to back out of taking the pills, they can help you, baby. I know they can, but if it will help you I'll read the list. I hope when I do though that it will really help you because that's all I want, Jerome. I want you to be ok again," said Addison leaning into his touch when he moved to wipe away her tears before pulling her lips to his. After a moment of silence Jerome ended the kiss before pulling her closer to kiss her again nodding into it as she finally smiled into it.
"Thank you, baby girl…I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier too. I just…I'm scared about what's going to happen when I start taking these drugs. Do you forgive me?" breathed Jerome tenderly stroking her cheek. Addison took the hand he used in her own bringing it closer as she smiled at him using his shirt to pull him closer. Gently she kissed his nose then his lips before pulling away again.
"Don't I always forgive you? I love you, Jerome, that's why I need you to make me that promise," whispered Addison turning her face to kiss his palm.
"I love you too, baby girl, so I promise to take the meds no matter what is on that list," whispered Jerome silently loving when she smiled at him. Returning her smile, Jerome felt as she wrapped her arms around him leaning up to kiss his lips heatedly. He fell into the kiss immediately his hands falling into the long tresses of her hair so he had complete control of the kiss. With a growl he deepened the kiss making her moan as he stroked his tongue over hers only letting her draw away to breath.
"Thank you," said Addison kissing him heatedly for a second more before setting the computer back onto her lap. Leaning back into his chest, Addison smiled as she felt his head on her shoulder again as she focused on her task once more. Jerome smiled too in that moment, he loved having her cradled in his arms, and just having her there made him a little less scared of what might be on that list. So, when she started to read it they were both at peace.
" Some of the side effects are hives, heavy itching, an inability to sit still, restlessness, chills, joint pain, lack of appetite, strange dreams in some cases, changes in taste, vision problems, skin redness, frequent urination, loss of hair, loss of weight, and drowsiness. Again all of these are rare, so chances are you don't have to worry," whispered Addison closing the computer and setting it aside before looking at him to gauge his reaction.
Addison watched him at first; he didn't say a word as he continued to hold her close staring not at her, but into the blank space before him. She wanted desperately to know what he was thinking, but she knew right now she didn't need her to push him. He needed to decide how he felt about it all and for now she would give him that. Only when she was sure he was ready would she bring him back from wherever he was now? Leaving his embrace then she took Charlie back her computer. She didn't know it, but Jerome noticed her absence immediately; he just didn't let it show. He kept running the list of side effects through his head. They weren't anything he wanted, but they weren't as bad as he had imagined they would be. For that he was grateful. When she returned he was still sitting there, so straddling him she smiled devilishly as she kissed him.
"Addy," breathed Jerome instantly surprised by her actions, but reveling in them as he always did.
"Come back to me now, baby. Tell me what you're thinking," whispered Addison letting him pull her back into the kiss finding him as passionate as he had ever been when he kissed her.
"I'm back again, baby girl," sighed Jerome smiling as she deepened the kiss her fingers in his hair; she knew what he was referring to. Her kisses always brought him back to her when he zoned out.
"I hate it when you zone out on me," whispered Addison as she pulled away toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.
"It's worth it if you kiss me like that every time," whispered Jerome lying down on the bed quickly pulling her down to cover him. For a while then they stared into each other's eyes before she cupped his cheek in her hand.
"You ok?" whispered Addison her eyes conveying the depth of her concern.
"Yeah, it's good to know what might happen now. Makes me a little less scared," said Jerome wrapping an arm tight around her.
"Don't be scared, carrot cake. I told you I will be here, right here, by your side until it's over. I love you, Jerome, I'd go through hell for you, I'll always be by your side to deal with whatever we have to," exclaimed Addison her eyes filled with love and conviction. The look in her eyes filled him with her love in that moment and as they held each other close they knew her words were true. Not just for her, but for him too. For Addison knew that come what may, Jerome would stand by her as she did him no matter what should happen. Jerome finally nodded as he held her in his arms for a while more before she had to get up to do homework.
"Are you going to distract me like you usually do?" smiled Addison as they left his room.
"Of course, no one else does it properly," whispered Jerome his hands on her hips pulling her into his lap like days before as she started her homework the smile never leaving her face. But all too soon like the previous day the time came for her to go home. As usual when that time came Jerome hated it because he hated saying goodbye to her.
"Don't look so sad, baby. Tomorrow's Friday, so you'll have me the whole weekend. I'm really looking forward to giving you your birthday present," whispered Addison moving in close to kiss his lips still sitting on his lap. They sat in a lawn chair outside the trailer waiting for Archer and holding her close Jerome just kept kissing her. He never wanted to stop; he wanted to kiss her until it was Friday then she wouldn't have to leave him.
"I know I shouldn't be sad, I just like when you're with me. I'm really looking forward to it too, so don't you dare be late," smiled Jerome holding her in his arms his hands traveling south just as their lips connected again and Archer emerged from the trailer.
When he had to watch them walk away to go home to their asshole of a dad Jerome hated it. He worried about Addy when she was at home, Nathan didn't hit her that often, but when he did it could get pretty bad. She was his girl, it was his job to protect her which was only one of the reasons he couldn't wait for the weekend. Then Addy would be safely in his arms where he could protect her. The rest of the day he couldn't wait for Friday, but the time seemed to move like a snail on pause. Finally though the night came and Jerome found himself lying in bed with a sleeping Oliver waiting for sleep to find him too. The meds entered his mind again then; he hoped they could help him the way everyone seemed to think they would. He wanted them to, but he was filled with doubt. What if he wasn't fixable? What if he was never getting better or things would never be normal again? Those questions plagued him as he fell asleep bringing nightmares to scar him behind his closed eyes. But finally he woke up a smile instantly finding his face when he realized it was Friday.