Eel didn't cry over Katie's letters.
She just couldn't, as much as she wanted to collapse and break down all over again, and she didn't know why. Finishing Katie's final letter was a shot through the heart that Eel hadn't realized she couldn't take. It was destroying her to know how much Katie had been hurting in the weeks leading to her death, but Eel hadn't done anything – she couldn't have done anything.
Her eyes and nose stung, but the tears never came. There was just no point in crying anymore. It was over.
Her life was over.
In October, she would be released from the Abilene police station to no one. She would walk into the autumn chill with nothing but a few t-shirts and shorts. Abilene was about an hour away from her home, with nothing much in-between, and she had no hopes of going back. She'd be left stranded in a small city knowing no one and having nothing – no home, no friends, no family, and no money. She wouldn't have to go back to school or do anything with her life.
It wouldn't take long… It was a horrifying thought, but she had to face the cruel truth. She had grown up a sheltered, privileged school girl. She didn't know how to survive on her own. So, she wouldn't survive.
Tossing the letters aside, Eel found her way into Squid's arms. Tucking herself between his legs, she held him around the middle and buried her face into his neck. His hands rubbed against her back, soothing away the sobs that never came.
"What're you thinkin', baby?" he asked, his voice a quiet murmur at her ear.
"I'm so scared, Squid," she whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut as she took a shuddering breath. "I don't know what's going to happen to me when I get out of here."
"Well, that's easy," Squid said matter-of-factly.
"No, you're right, it is," Eel admitted, pulling back to look at him. "I know I won't even make it through the winter."
Squid looked like he wanted to roll his eyes, but he refrained. "That's a little overdramatic, E."
"It's not though," Eel disagreed. "My parents kicked me out. I have no where to go and nothing to my name."
"You've got a handful of change from laundry duty," Squid said.
Eel didn't want to get angry at him, but he was making it pretty difficult. Frustration built in her throat as she took a deep breath. "Squid—"
"And you've got me, baby," he continued, clasping his hands at the small of Eel's back. She tried to speak again but he shook his head. "You're gonna be released back to Abilene, right?"
"Yeah. I'm not from Abilene though."
"But I am. And I won't leave you by yourself."
"Squid…"
"No, listen," he said. "I went to Wylie and I grew up in Abilene. I'll get released at the same station as you." He nearly smirked at her baffled expression but settled on cupping her cheek with his palm. "Look, I get out two months before you. I know who to go to and I'll find a place to stay. Then I'll come get you on October 17, and you can come live with me."
"Squid, that's so impractical," Eel groaned, leaning her head against his chest. His deep laughter shook her, and she couldn't refrain from smiling weakly.
"I don't care," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple. "We're gonna figure it out, E. We always do."
She knew she shouldn't romanticize their probable homelessness, but it was so hard not to when he fixed her with that crooked grin of his. "Promise?" she asked.
"I want to give you something," Squid said, releasing her to reach for his pocket.
Eel raised an eyebrow as he extracted a small toy from his pocket. It was an octopus, purple plastic molded into a child's toy with a round head and tentacles. There was a short chain at the head with a silver keyring, which Squid had slid onto his finger. The face decals had longs since rubbed away, leaving blank imprints where the eyes should have been.
He held it between them, an unreadable expression on his face. The tilt of his eyebrows gave away more than he would have preferred.
Eel understood, her lips forming a small 'o' of surprise. "That's your lifeline." It occurred to her that she had never known how he had been nicknamed, but the octopus gave her a clue.
Lifelines were something every camper had – an unintentional trend and tradition that had formed for the teens. They were bits and pieces of things from their lives before Camp Green Lak, something to remind them of what was waiting for them past the vast stretch of desert. They were the only things that really belonged to the inmates, and it was an unwritten rule that nobody could cut another inmate's lifeline.
Lifelines could be anything. Zigzag had a television guide that he had shown her once. At the back of her cubby, Sophia kept a plastic trinket removed from a homecoming mum hidden beneath a pair of socks. Eel had one. She had hers with her always but had never gone out of her way to show anyone.
"My mom bought it for me when I was a kid," Squid explained. "Back before she started drinking. I don't really remember her giving it to me, but I know I've always had it." He trailed a finger across a seam in the plastic, staring thoughtfully at the octopus. "I'm taking back what I said yesterday," he continued. "I said I had nothing left, but that's wrong. I've still got you, and, with us, that may as well be everything. You're my lifeline, E, and I'll hold onto you as tight as I can." He hesitated, holding his hand out to her. She extended her arm. "And this is my promise to you. When you get out, I'm gonna come for you. I'll always come for you." He pressed the octopus in her open palm. "I promise, Eel, I will find you and we're gonna be okay." He closed her hand around the octopus and lifted her hand to his lips, giving a brief kiss to her knuckles.
"Squid…" Eel didn't know what to say, words failing her as she opened and closed her mouth without speaking. Her gaze dipped down to their hands, clasped in her lap, and to her wrist.
Hardly knowing what compelled her to do so, she flipped her hand over and unbuttoned her bracelet.
Squid had seen the bracelet before, but not up close. As she held it in front of him, he inspected the interweaving pattern of red, blue, and green that almost looked like wires (and maybe that was the point). The cotton was tinted slightly brown from all the dirt that couldn't wash out completely.
"Katie made this for me," she told him. "Last summer at bible camp." She glanced up and grimaced at the look on Squid's face. "Oh, shut up. Let me see your hand."
Still fighting the humor of Eel attending a bible camp, he complied. She set the octopus on the cot next to her knee and wrapped the bracelet around his wrist, securing the ends around the plastic button.
She stared at him through the orange light of the dim lamps. She could feel a blush creeping up her face as she set her hand over his. Her heart felt like it might explode right out of her chest.
"I love you," she whispered, and she meant it.
Her life was a nightmare. A dull reality backed by one traumatizing event after another. Camp Green Lake was hell on earth, and the counselors abusive, even if only emotionally. Every day there was an everlasting struggle to push through the hours of digging and the bullshit.
But, through all of it, she had found Squid. As rough as the pair had started out, with Sophia monitoring their friendship and attempting to wreck any bond they formed, they had made it through the worst of trials. Now they were together, promising each other a life after Green Lake. A life together. A life without digging and shitty counselors. A life where Sophia would be a faded spot in their past and Green Lake couldn't torment them anymore.
"I know," Squid said, grinning. "I love you, too."
Her hand found his cheek, her fingertips trailing from his jawline to his cheekbone. She traced his lower lip with her thumb, gnawing on her own mouth to keep from doing something stupid.
"I've never kissed anyone before," she said, her gaze transfixed onto his lips. God, she wanted to kiss him so bad, but she really didn't want to make a fool of herself.
"I don't care," Squid said, his hands sliding across her back, pulling her closer. One of his hands ascended to her hair, where his fingers intertwined with the dark curls at the nape of her neck.
Eel's eyes fluttered shut as his nose brushed over hers. His breath was warm against her mouth. "Squid," she murmured, her chest expanding as she took a deep breath, pressing into his.
The dinner bell rang across the compound, startling her away from Squid. Her eyes shot open, flooding her vision with orange. The bell died out seconds later, leaving behind the silence of frustration.
"Saved by the bell," Squid said, dropping his hands from her body. "I guess we should go or we'll be late."
Eel blinked in surprise. Since when did he care about arriving to dinner on time? Hell, dinner wasn't even really a requirement, much less a timed one. And as he avoided her eye, waiting for her to remove herself from his lap, she realized that it was just what he expected her to say.
And maybe she had been avoiding becoming too intimate with him. She had for a while been scared to get close, out of fear of judgement, or rejection, or, even worse, losing him. But she wasn't now.
"I don't care," she said.
Her brother had always hated how impulsive she was, but, sometimes, maybe it helped her more than she gave it credit for.
Octopus clutched in her hand, she wound her arm around the back of his neck and pulled the gap between them closed.
Having never kissed anyone before – not like this at least – Eel surprised herself with the instinctual response that kicked into gear when her mouth touched Squid's. He came alive against her as well, his hands moving to cup her face, as he drank in the taste of her lips.
Heat circled in her stomach as she fell in sync with him, euphoria clouding her senses and she clung to him, almost terrified of it going away. For the first time in weeks, something akin to energy stirred in her, lighting her from her core to her skin as her hair raised on its ends.
Too caught up in the feeling of Squid's hand sliding beneath her shirt, she nearly had to remind herself to breath. She pulled away just enough to take a quick gasp for air, her nose not pulling enough for her needy lungs, and Squid startled her as they melded back together by flicking against the inside of her bottom lip.
She made noise of surprise against his mouth, quickly followed by a hushed moan as he urged her lips apart. The tip of his tongue stroked the underside of hers, sending a shudder quaking down her spine.
Still unable to keep up with her breathing, Eel pulled away, her heart thrumming violently against her sternum. She breathed in shallow pants, vaguely aware of how constricting her clothes suddenly felt.
"Not bad, E," Squid said, grinning, his lips red and glistening. "Are you sure you've never kissed anyone before?"
Eel scowled, scrambling away from him to grab her jumpsuit. "Oh, shut up," she said, a harsh blush appearing on her cheeks. "Let's go eat before people start noticing we're missing." She tucked the octopus into her pocket and swept the loose letters under her sheets.
"Hey, I'm serious," he said, stretching his arms over his head as he stood. "Pretty impressive for a first timer." He recoiled when she fixed him with a glare. "What?"
"Look, I ain't exactly eager to hear about how much more experience you have with this than me," Eel said, tying the arms of her jumpsuit around her waist. It was a truth she had to face, but she really couldn't stand the thought of him with other girls before her.
He caught on, apparently, judging by the smug expression that spread across his face. "Aw, c'mon, baby girl, don't tell me you're gettin' jealous of my exes," he teased.
Eel shoved her hands into her pockets, repressing the urge to strangle that shit-eating grin right off his face. "Actually, I admire them for findin' a way to get rid of you," she said.
Squid snickered, ducking down to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Her heart gave a jolt and her irritation melted away.
"They never loved me enough to make me stay," he said. Taking her face into his hands, he caught her in a slow, tantalizing kiss.
"Oh, my God," came a voice from the entrance of the tent.
They broke apart, heads swiveling to stare at the intruder who had caught them. Eel felt her heart racing again, but from panic rather than excitement. She fleetingly felt the need to wither into dust to avoid the wrath of Gill's furious glare.
But as she stared back at Catwoman's Cheshire grin, her alarm faded. She had nothing to be scared of now – Gill was gone. She was their leader, and she could kiss anyone she damn well pleased.
Eel quickly muted the surprised look on her face into something more neutral as Catwoman glanced back and forth between her and Squid. "Sorry for interrupting," she said, her eyebrows lifting suggestively. "The girls and I were just wondering if you were coming to dinner."
Eel cleared her throat. "Uh, yeah, I'll be there in a bit," she said. "Go on ahead, we'll… catch up." She shot Squid a grimace for her lack of a good response.
"Yeah, I'm sure y'all will," Catwoman said, still grinning. She retreated from the tent, shaking her head as she muttered, "About fucking time…"
"Well, we had maybe two minutes of secrecy," Eel said as she slipped on her shoes.
"Did you want us to be a secret?" Squid asked, his eyebrows furrowed.
Eel frowned and glanced over to him, seeing his confusion and the slightest hint of hurt. "No, not at all," she said, reaching out to slide her fingers in-between his. "I'm just kind of sick of people always talking about me is all. I hate walking into rooms and hearing people shushing each other as they stare at me."
"Well, we'll be news of the century, darlin'," Squid said, kissing the back of her hand as they left the tent. "Not like there's anything better to talk about when there's only eighty people in a hundred mile radius."
They joined the last throng of inmates at the cafeteria line, but X-Ray waved for them to get in line behind him. Eel shot Caveman a smirk as he curiously eyed their linked hands. Even the most reserved camper couldn't resist a little bit of gossip, Eel supposed.
"Hold off on the questions, Yelnats," she whispered just as Zigzag wedged himself between Caveman and herself, grabbing the tray that the cafeteria staff member had been holding out to Stanley. "What are you, twelve, Ziggy?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
He ignored her, staring past her to Squid. Eel looked around in time to see Squid leaning across a pot of chili to get a closer look at Mr. Sir's face – the right side was so red and swollen that Mr. Sir's eye didn't open all the way, no doubt a result of the two scratch marks across his cheek. Squid was saying something to Mr. Sir before Eel could stop him.
"Whoa, what happened to your face?"
Mr. Sir froze, the ladle in his hand almost to his mouth, his beady eyes zeroing in on Squid. Before anyone could react, he dropped the ladle and swiped out, catching Squid by the collar of his shirt. Eel shot forward to defend him, but Zigzag was quick to hook an arm around her to hold her back.
"Something the matter with my face?" Mr. Sir demanded, flecks of spit flying out and hitting Squid on the face. He gave Squid a rough shake. "Huh?"
Squid should his head frantically. "No – no, Mr. Sir," he said, his voice hiking up with panic.
"You got that right," Mr. Sir growled, throwing Squid back with all the force he could muster.
Squid stumbled back before sprawling across the floor, the back of his head slamming into the leg of a table. As Mr. Sir rounded the food counter, the Mess Hall quieted.
"Anybody see anything with my face?" Mr. Sir asked the inmates, a one-eyed warning glare sweeping around the room. "I think I'm kinda purdy, don't you?"
"Yes, Mr. Sir," came the scattered chants of the inmates. Most were avoiding eye-contact, staring at their tables, the floor, anything.
Mr. Sir turned on the heel of his boot, his narrowed eye landing on Eel. He took a slit second to regard Zigzag holding her back and the furious look on her face. "What about you, Miss Lily Anne? Anything wrong with my face?"
She knew he was just doing it to get under her skin, but he was doing a pretty good job of it. He could toss around his weight and abuse the inmates, and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. But, despite being absolutely terrified of Mr. Sir, she wanted nothing more than to rip him limb from limb.
"No, Mr. Sir," she said through a clenched jaw.
"That's right," he said, a nasty smirk creeping up on his mouth. He glanced down at Squid, who was staring at Eel's legs, his arm wrapped around back of his head. Mr. Sir marched towards the Mess Hall door, sending a kick into Squid's calf as he passed. While Mr. Sir started throwing furniture in the next room, the entirety of the camp watched on in silence.
Abandoning her tray at the line, Eel pushed Zigzag away and crouched next to Squid. "Are you okay?" she asked, ignoring Pendanski as he stood up to speak to the Mess Hall audience. She didn't hear a word he said, completely focused on Squid, but she was sure he was spewing his normal life-lesson-esque bullshit.
He stared at her, his hand gripping the leg of the table so hard his knuckles turned white. He looked as if he might start hyperventilating any moment.
Eel eased his hand from the table while stroking hair away from his forehead. "C'mon, let's get you off the floor," she said. She tugged on his elbow, coaxing him to his feet. "I gotcha, baby." Holding him around the waist, she supported his weight as she led him to D-Tent's table.
"You alright, Squiddy?" X-Ray asked, reaching over the table to punch Squid on the shoulder, but Eel hissed in anger and blocked his hand.
"Don't touch him," she seethed. The other boys had just watched Mr. Sir flip out and their response was just to roughhouse as normal? Fucking idiots.
"It's fine," Squid said gruffly to Eel. He collapsed onto the bench, setting his head into his hands. "Just go to your table, E."
"Don't worry, we'll look after him," Armpit said.
The statement, in fact, only worried Eel more. She hesitated, biting her lip as she glanced across the Mess Hall. H-Tent was watching her, waiting for her to come back to the table. Catwoman caught her eye, winking at her so fast Eel wasn't sure it had really happened. She looked back down at Squid, who ran a hand through his hair, cupping his palm over the lump forming on his head.
"Okay, no, absolutely not," she said, swinging a leg over the bench, facing Squid. "I wouldn't leave him alone with you morons if he had a papercut. Here, Squid, let me see where you hit your head." She ignored the stares she was receiving from practically the entire camp.
Squid glanced across the table to X-Ray, who eyed Eel for a moment before shrugging. Eel's face soured. So, she had to have permission to touch him now? Maybe everyone else at Green Lake was scared of X, but she wasn't – she had literally just been making out with his right-hand man after all.
"Any day now, sweetheart," she drawled, raising an eyebrow. "Good thing you're not bleeding or you would have bled out by now."
Squid rolled his eyes, but turned his back to her, slowly removing his hand. Eel leaned forward, reaching up to place her hand comfortingly on his shoulder. She'd had her fair share of concussions from sports, so she knew what to expect. She doubted Squid was a stranger to them, as well.
She gently felt around the bump with the tip of her finger, trying to estimate the size of it. "Does your head still hurt, or does it only hurt when I touch it?" she asked.
"It's throbbing a little bit, but it's mostly gone, he said.
Zigzag came up to the table with a dinner tray in each hand. He slid one across the table to Eel. "That's yours. Is he bleeding?"
"No," Eel said, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "How are you feeling, Squid? Are you dizzy?"
"No," he said.
"Feeling sick? Is your vision blurry?"
"God, no," he snapped, shooting an irritated glare over his shoulder. "I'm fucking fine, Eel."
Eel glared right back, her hand still resting on his neck. She knew he was just trying to act like a dick because X-Ray was watching them, but she didn't give a shit who was around – she wasn't going to tolerate him being an ass to her.
Her hand jumped up to the bump on his head and she dug the pad of her thumb into the height of it. "Does that hurt, asshole?"
"Fucking Christ." He ducked out of her reach, clapping his hands back over his head. "What the hell, E?"
"Sorry I'm trying to help you," she said, scowling as she reached for her tray. "I'll just go find someone else to bother, since I'm annoying you so much." She made a move to get up, but Squid grabbed onto her shirt before she could lift her leg around the bench.
"Hey, wait, no," he mumbled, his expression softening as he pulled her against his chest. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it."
She bit back a snarky reply, her eyes rolling so hard Squid thought her irises might just disappear behind her eyelids. "Fine," she grumbled. "But if you're gonna be a dick, I'll kick your ass."
"Yes, ma'am." He nuzzled his nose against her temple, pressing a light kiss to her cheekbone.
Eel detangled herself from him, turning to her tray. She slid it towards him slightly – his own food was currently being cleaned up by a cafeteria staff member. "Here, eat something," she said, motioning towards her bread.
"Aw, baby, you're so good to me," he teased, pinching her thigh playfully.
Expect for Zigzag, the rest of D-Tent seemed to break out of their trance, tearing their stares from the couple and glancing amongst each other.
"Wait, hold up," Armpit interjected, leaning forward at the table to meet Eel's gaze. "Are y'all actually together now? Like, together together?"
Squid slanted a smirk in Eel's direction. She raised an eyebrow expectantly at him. They hadn't put a label on whatever their relationship was, but Eel wouldn't mind anything official. She knew he could tell what she was thinking. She pursed her lips, wondering when they had broken the non-verbal barrier.
"Yep," Squid confirmed, setting his hands on the table and sliding his fingers between hers. "I got me a psycho girlfriend now."
Eel hid her smile behind her water cut, her chest fluttering at the smile he was giving her. She met Zigzag's eye, who merely snorted.
His gaze flicked down to Squid's drawn-up sleeve, where Eel's bracelet was tied around his wrist. Why anyone had to ask was beyond him – they were painfully obvious. He had expected as much when they had disappeared from Rec time the last few days, anyway, and the bracelet just confirmed his suspicions.
"About damn time," X-Ray muttered, elbowing Armpit, who snickered in agreement.
welcome back guys. i'm so glad i got this chapter finished with editing literally in the nick of time before i had to start getting ready for work.
i really hope you guys enjoy this chapter - it's super long was pretty much one of the hardest chapters to figure out. I have so much more in store for Squid and Eel and I hope you guys are still interested enough to keep an eye out for the next chapters.
thank you again for sticking with this for two years now. please leave a review to let me know what you thought. i love yall, xxpkc