CHAPTER 25:

Princess Leia settled deep into pilot's seat on the Millennium Falcon, hugging her legs to her chest and staring into space. She rested her head against the back of the chair and tried to swallow down the pain. If only it were just physical pain…

It seemed like her world broke apart in just a day, the day before today, or the day before that, but it was inevitable. Her world started to crack well before recent events. Alderaan…the Death Star…Luke…Darth Vader, her father…the torture…the Force…the High Command…maybe before all that.

And now her world was just a jumble of shattered memories destined to be further pulverized by the passing of time. Leia concentrated her vision on the vortex created by lightspeed travel and focused on reconnecting the images in her mind. Her life had to be more than just a string of tragedies, didn't it?

Her eyes drifted into faraway. Carlist Reeiken's face, smiling and youthful, inches from hers as he knelt down to reprimand her was the first memory to assault her. He always smiled when he scolded her, not like her father who was stern and serious as if the whole galaxy rested on his shoulders. She sighed. Her father was shouldering the ailments of the galaxy. Maybe that was why he entrusted Carlist to shoulder her. Reeiken held her hand or hovered near to keep her safe as she explored the world, he bandaged her scrapes and bumps even though there were servants for that, and he entertained her in the dullest of situations with games he conjured up at a moment's notice. He loves me.

Leia touched her lips. Reeiken wasn't smiling when she last saw him, though he tried. The lines on his face, the bags under his eyes, his thinning gray hair made her tired, but such changes in appearance did not keep her from remembering him as the Carlist of her youth. He chased her down after she stalked out of the Command Center. He had no intention of stopping her, though she could sense the difficulty he suffered with this decision. He snatched her into his arms and buried his face in her shoulder.

Leia chewed the dry flakes of skin on her bottom lip. She would never feel Carlist's arms around her again. He would never bandage her wounds, both physical and emotional. Leia wanted nothing more than to take Reeiken with them, and his desire to walk away from the Alliance tingled through her. All she had to do was ask…

But she didn't. The Alliance needs you. You are their conscience until they can find theirs again.

No one had a greater heart than Carlist Reeiken.

The members of the High Command had hearts and consciences, but the discovery of Leia's true parentage combined with the ghosts of the past instilled fear within them. She faulted no one for their harsh treatment of her or for the decisions made. The wounds caused by her father, Anakin Skywalker's betrayal, were torn open by her presence, and all they wanted to do was prevent history from repeating itself. And perhaps they did just that. No Jedi, no Sith, no Jedi turning to the Dark Side… The chances of building a democratic government in which all beings are treated equal should be much better without the meddling of the Sith and Jedi.

Leia whispered a prayer for Mon Mothma. Her heart had suffered the most.

Then she whispered a prayer for Luke. His toothy smile and twinkly blue eyes always lifted her spirits even when she thought her spirits could never be lifted. His absence hollowed out a piece of her heart, creating a void instead of filling it. They did a lot of growing up together between his sudden appearance at the door of her cell on the Death Star and that fateful day on Hoth when Luke died at the hand of some unknown creature. Leia tried to imagine what their relationship would be like today had he lived to know they were siblings, but no what ifs came to mind.

A light sweep of cool air brushed against Leia's face. What ifs cannot compare to what is.

She was about to search out its source, but a face in the center of the vortex caught her eyes.

"Hey, Sweetheart," Han placed a kiss on the top of her head then smoothed her hair with both hands. "Why you hiding?"

Leia tipped her head back and smiled at him, "I'm not hiding."

"No?" he dropped himself into Chewie's large chair. "Then whatcha doin'?"

She shook her head, "Just thinking."

He ran her finger along her hairline down to her cheek, "Thinking can be hazardous to your health."

"Your health maybe," Leia scrunched her nose.

Han smirked and gave her nose a gentle tap.

She playfully slapped his hand away, "Any word from Lando?"

"Yeah," Han caught her hand, kissed her fingers, and then let it go. "They made it to Bespin this morning. He'll contact us when arrangements are final."

Leia sighed. "I've caused them so much trouble."

"We," Han amended, "And Lando ain't one to hold grudges."

She dropped her chin and arched her right brow.

Han rolled his eyes, "Okay, maybe that's not completely accurate."

Leia shook her head, "Not at all accurate."

He peered into her large brown eyes, "Lando's helping us cos Lando wants to, even after…after everything." He fell quiet as he waited for her to process and accept his words.

Her eyes slid off of his and landed on the navigation console beyond his head. "They'll send Mandos."

He leaned back into the co-pilot's seat and rubbed the scar on his chin, "Yeah..." Mandos were famous for killing Jedi, but there was no need to say that aloud. Leia may not consider herself a Jedi, but the High Command still thought otherwise. He cracked a crooked grin, "Lando isn't happy without a little excitement in his life."

The princess nodded and shifted her eyes to the lightshow beyond the canopy.

Han pressed his lips together before quietly asking, "Having second thoughts?"

He watched the fractured light from the stars dance in her large dark eyes. Flashes of color glinted then disappeared only to be replaced by another twinkle. The mesmerizing sight was complimented by her glowing skin as it caught and reflected the warm lights of the console keys. She was as close to perfect as she could be. It was easy to forget Sith Lords and biological fathers, Jedi and the Alliance, and all the ugliness and loss that came with those things when he looked at her.

But…The lighting in the cockpit always created magic. Every time he entered, it was like slipping into a dream, anticipating an adventure sitting just beyond the horizon. And she absorbed that magic, made it hers without making it hers, as she made him hers with no intention of doing so.

Leia twisted her head to look at him and winced, erasing the illusion of perfect health.

"No."

His eyebrows crashed together as he tried to fit her answer to a question he was certain he asked. "No?"

She shifted her body so that she faced him and leaned her cheek against the back of the chair. "No second thoughts," her voice smiled but her countenance whispered fatigue.

Han rubbed his bottom lip against his top as his hazel eyes traveled from her stocking feet, along her legs curled neatly underneath her, up the curves of her torso, until he reached her face. With her cheek still pressed against the back of the pilot's seat, she studied him with a wary eye as if she was waiting for something she'd rather not come to pass.

"The Alliance…" he whispered, "for as long as I've known you, it was your purpose in life."

Leia sighed and glanced at her hands that rested in her lap, "For longer than I've known you."

"Yeah." Han watched her pull at the cuticles on the edge of her fingernails. Yeah… He swallowed down the inquiries and worries that swam around his head.

Leia looked up at him, tipped so that she could peer straight into his eyes, and graced him with the most beautifully peaceful smile he'd ever seen in his life. "Guess I'll have to learn to live without a purpose."

Han raised his eyebrows and sported a lop-sided grin, "Good answer."

THE END