King Rat: Our Kingdom

Author Notes: Aww yeah. You guys get an omake and a chapter. One of these things is much happier than the other. Admittedly, this chapter is a mite shorter than usual, but that's just because I had a lot more planned for this segment of the story than I could fit in. So, this is part 1!

Disclaimer: Saiyuki and its characters are still not mine.

21: The Starving Winter- Part 1

"Is something wrong?" Gojyo seemed to snap back to attention at Nuo's question, seemed to remember that he was supposed to be helping her carry her bags from the market to her home. December had come on cold and chilly, and with all three boys bundled tight in winter coats already, they were only good for one bag apiece. He scooped up the four she couldn't carry, as she smiled benignly at him over her purse and the three parcels in her arms.

"Eh, guess I've been distracted. S'been a little rough at the shop lately, that's all." He chuckled, and juggled the bags on his arms to secure them all.

"Oh, that's right! Winters must be hard for you, what with flower prices and such." Nuo set her bags down for a second to pat her bun back into place, then wrapped her fingers around the handles to swing them at her sides. "What are you going to do?"

"Hakkai says he'll take a night job with the Reg if he has to. But we'll be okay."

"Working for the man, I suppose." Nuo licked her upper lip at the winter breeze, disgust hidden under her upper-class raised nose. "But you do what you must."

"Hell, it's not like the Reg is all bad." Gojyo shrugged, but he couldn't think of a single reason to back up the assertion. "Come on, guys, let's get out of the cold!" He grinned at the three boys, who had been talking amongst themselves (if Gojyo had to guess, about Featherman Ranger X, some show that Nuo let the three watch while they were at her house.) They each hugged their bag and followed Gojyo and Nuo from the market towards her home, and Gojyo watched another opportunity to let it all out slip away again.

He hated that he couldn't spill the beans to her, but he didn't have much choice. He knew his relationship with Sanzo had to remain secret- or what little of it was left. As it stood, he had neither seen nor heard from Sanzo for seven weeks and a day. Goku still showed up most mornings to keep an eye on the twins, and Gojyo always tried to ask in the least-invested way he could:

"Is he still pissed?"

Goku's reply was usually the same: "You have no idea."

Gojyo did have an idea, which was what worried him. It seemed such a small slight, but to Sanzo, it was clearly more. He had tried to reach out through Goku after five weeks of separation. Hakkai had finally spilled the beans on when Sanzo's birthday was, and Gojyo painstakingly decided how to celebrate it. He doesn't like stuff, that I know, he'd thought as he wrote a short letter in a card and included something else extra in the envelope, but he's gotta like something. There's gotta be something he wants, or needs. He'd seen a blue and white scarf in the thrift shop window, and smirked at his little epiphany. His skinny little neck could use some protection. Plus, it'll look nice with his eyes. He got an old box that had been used to ship ribbon to the shop and packed the scarf into it, folding it with a photograph of the boys. If nothing else, that'll make him happy. Goku took the card and the box, but he returned that morning with both, neither opened.

"What'd he say?"

"You don't wanna know."

"He didn't want 'em," Gojyo concluded, looking between both presents, and shoved them back towards Goku. "I don't want 'em either. You can have the stupid scarf. Take it with you when you leave."

Even the stress of rising prices and falling profits was a welcome relief from trying not to think about Sanzo, even with two walking, talking reminders of him at his heels. Even as they parted with Nuo and Tai at her door, he could look between them and cobble their father from their presences.

"Hey Daddy, who's the best Featherman Ranger?" Eiji tugged his hand. Gojyo chuckled and wrapped his fingers around his palm.

That's his face. That nose, the shape of those eyes, that little bit of melancholy in everything he says? All him. "You first." Gojyo cocked his head down to him.

"The Red one!" Eiji grinned up at him. "Cause he's the leader, an' he's faster an' stronger!"

"That's stupid!" Yohei retorted. "The Green one is best!"

That come-back attitude, that defiance, and that hair? Oh yeah. At least half of that is him. "Don't call your baby brother stupid."

"Well, Green is better than Red! Cause Green's been a Ranger longer, so he's stronger! Plus he always comes in on a cool motorcycle!" Yohei stuck his tongue out at Eiji, and Eiji stuck his out right back, then looked up to Gojyo again.

"Tai says Blue's best, cause he's the smartest. How 'bout you, Daddy?"

"Kiddo, I ain't seen the show since way before you were born. They used to call it Featherman Rangers in Space." Gojyo snickered as both boys wondered at it- this thing we like was around before us?- "But to answer your question, I like the Pink one best."

"Pink?" Both boys gawked at Gojyo as if he'd just said the grass was purple and polka-dotted elephants were eating his shoes.

"But Dad, Pink's a girl!" Yohei protested.

"Don't knock it, kiddo!" Gojyo laughed, and held onto both of their hands tight. "The Pink one wears a short skirt and does the high kicks. Why else would I watch the show?"

Both boys had answers for this. "Cause of the cool fighting-"

"- an' the monsters-"

"- an' the changing-"

Gojyo laughed as his thoughts got lost in the cacophony of their mirth. He wasn't even upset that they reminded him of Sanzo- they were just too happy about life for him to be down.

It was different when he got back into the house and started to undress the boys. Eiji tugged at his collar as Gojyo unbuttoned Yohei's coat. "Daddy, it's tight."

"It's tight?" He tugged Eiji's collar, and found only a little wiggle room. "Yeah, it's tight. Sheesh, this is from only last year, isn't it?" He frowned, and realized how silly it was to complain about that- both boys were much bigger compared to then. He turned back around to Yohei's coat, and saw that the two buttons that were still fastened made a parenthetical-shaped gap around his middle. "Tight on you too, huh?"

"Kin'a." Yohei wiggled his arms from the sleeves, but the jacket didn't drop from around his belly. Gojyo scratched his head, as he undid the last two buttons on his own and Eiji started to do the same.

"Well, guess I'll get you guys some bigger ones tomorrow." Gojyo shrugged, but he heard a weak, soft laugh from the kitchen in response. He turned to see Hakkai at the kitchen table, head balanced on his fists, elbows planted on the table on either side of the shop ledger.

Aw, fuck.

Hakkai had been his rock, keeping him sane for the past weeks. He'd sat up with him on many nights when he couldn't sleep, folding more paper flowers for him to trim and arrange into bouquets for practice. He'd help watch the children if Goku couldn't come to the shop. He was helping keep the shop ledger and take inventory, and still cooked dinner every night. His biggest mea culpa was a package of four boxes:

"Pregnancy's become a trigger for you. These can help with that," he explained as he set them down on Gojyo's work desk. It had been two nights since Hakkai had propositioned him, so the wounds were still fresh. Gojyo looked over his design book, and scowled as he recognized the boxes.

"Get the fuck out of here with that shit, man." He shoved the pregnancy tests back towards Hakkai and continued folding a chrysanthemum together.

"No, please listen to me." Hakkai caught the boxes before they could slide off the table. "I want you to be able to reassure yourself, even if it's completely irrational. I can't think of any other way." He flipped one box over. "So, if you have a nightmare, or a panic attack, or anything, you can just take a test. See, I even sprung for the fast ones- in one minute, you'll know you're not pregnant." Gojyo did look back at Hakkai at this. Hakkai smiled gently, tenderly. "If it helps you keep a handle on yourself, then I want that for you. I know that with you being the way you are, you need some reassurance, even if this isn't the best way to do it. My only worry is that by catering to your anxieties, I'll reinforce them, but-"

"Bro, you were good two explanations ago." Gojyo grabbed the boxes, then shoved them into the basket next to his table. "I'll save 'em in case I start freakin' out."

Between that favor and all the others, Gojyo was sure he wouldn't be sleeping at all if he hadn't had Hakkai to help him out. Seeing him with a look of despondency plain on his face was a huge red flag. Gojyo approached and reached for the ledger, but Hakkai swiped it before he could touch it and put it up on the shelf. He looked up at Gojyo and forced a smile.

"New coats, is it? I suppose we'll go to the secondhand store tomorrow."

"Bro, what's wrong?" Gojyo tried to circle him to take the ledger, but Hakkai spun on his chair and took it again.

"It's nothing." Hakkai held the book close, and Gojyo scowled down at him.

"You need to tell me what's up, or I'm gonna start getting mad."

Hakkai bowed his head. "Can we have this conversation later?"

"Fine. But we are going to have this conversation." Gojyo let his scowl linger on the top of Hakkai's head a moment longer, then turned back to the twins, bringing back his own smile. "Come on, kids, let's wash up and get some lessons in before Uncle gets dinner ready."

It wasn't until long after the boys were asleep that Hakkai opened the ledger again. "I've done all the math, all the projections." He showed Gojyo an entire page marked with math formulas and red ink. "With the prices of flowers up and the drop in business, we're hemorrhaging money at a rate that we will not be able to withstand. I've factored our normal household expenditures into it as well." He flipped the page, revealing more red ink. "If we keep the shop open, just keeping stock on hand will put our financial reserves at zero within three weeks."

"We're gonna be broke in three weeks?" Gojyo stared at the math as he tried to put Hakkai's words into layman's terms. He could add, subtract, multiply, and divide, but Hakkai was solving for X in ways he couldn't even imagine. Hakkai nodded to confirm his summation.

"Even if we limit ourselves to the flowers whose prices have not risen due to their strong greenhouse growth- which is, really, just kiku blossoms- I can't predict how well they will sell, but even assuming business stays as it has for the past three weeks, we will be bankrupt before the year is out."

"We can't live on royal chrysanthemums, even if they are popular." Gojyo's shoulders slumped. "We need to close up. Yesterday."

"We're closing up the second we're out of stock. It won't be long. I'll be applying for the position at the registration as soon as I can." Hakkai sighed and closed the book. "That's not for a few weeks, though. We're going to have to make what money we have last until then. The problem is..." He trailed off, and his eyes sunk again.

"The problem is?"

"With... with what reserves we have..." Hakkai swallowed. "I set enough aside to pay the rent for the next three months, which is as substantial as you'd think it is. With no income, we will only be able to last four weeks before running out of money. Even then, the registration work doesn't pay much, and it will not cover our normal expenditures."

"Normal expenditures," Gojyo repeated. He was starting to take the same pose he'd found Hakkai in- shoulders slumped, hands balled into fists on the table. "You keep saying that."

"What I'm trying to say is, we need to cut back."

"Fine." Gojyo put his fist down. "What are we going to cut?"

Hakkai swallowed, and started enumerating his thoughts on his fingers. "The little ones need new coats. That can't be avoided. Fortunately, they have enough warm clothes to last. But we can't buy any more clothing until spring." He started to fidget. "If we can cut our electricity bills, then we will- turning the heater on a lower setting, making sure we turn lights off when we're not using them, little things. We already live fairly frugally as it stands- we don't have cable, since we have no television, all of our clothes are secondhand anyway, and we don't waste money on much. The only thing we can really cut back on is food."

"No more alcohol, then." Gojyo nodded- this wasn't a big sacrifice.

"We're going to have to cut back on meat, too."

"We've gone meatless before." This wasn't a big deal either.

"The boys still need vegetables and protein, so they'll have it. We'll get lentils, and anything that's cheap and healthy." Hakkai tented his fingers. "You and I may have to go without."

"Fine." Gojyo straightened his shoulders and looked up. A bigger sacrifice, perhaps, but it was one he had always been prepared to make. "That's fine. We'll live lean until you get the job. Should I apply too?"

"I wouldn't bother. I can pass for human. You can't." Hakkai took a breath, and smiled again. "We'll be okay. We always are." He got to his feet. "I suggest, as a first course of action, we empty the rest of the beer cans and sake bottles in the refrigerator, so we can sell the cans and bottles for rice money."

"Way ahead of you, bro." Gojyo whipped around in his chair, opened the refrigerator, and took out two cans of beer. As he opened the can, he froze, then looked to Hakkai. "Wait- is this okay?"

"I was just going to pour it out." Hakkai took his can, but Gojyo jerked to his feet and grabbed it back.

"Dude, don't waste it! I'll drink it, we can sell it when it's been enjoyed!" He shoved the can back in the fridge, and Hakkai laughed airily.

"Well, I guess we should endeavor not to waste, shouldn't we?" He took his chair again and tore another page from the ledger, then started to fold it into shape again. "I suppose I'll work out the budget in the morning."

"Sounds good." Gojyo drank again, and Hakkai's hands trembled as his empty can hit the table.

Neither wanted to look any deeper into it than that. They had enough troubles as it was to address the pain that still surged under the surface between them.

It was October 19th when Sanzo first had the thought: Perhaps I overreacted. Perhaps I did not take the time to appreciate the situation. Perhaps I should try and find out why the children reacted like that. It was a simple revelation- the last time he'd seen them, they had called him 'Papa.' What happened in those intervening two weeks? Or two days? Two hours? Two minutes? Gojyo- wouldn't he have said something? If he did this, then of course not, but he seemed surprised too- and he never lies to them. He tried that morning to leave, but was met at the door to the outside by Lord Akio with a pile of paperwork.

"Lord Sanzo- were you leaving?" He frowned curiously, as he held the reports out. "I'm very sorry, but these are urgent. Would you mind reading over them before you go?"

It began again after that- every time he tried to go, there was more for him to do. However, he was already weary of the sight of his writing desk, and with his anger abated, he longed to see his children again.

"Put your foot down," Goku pleaded whenever Sanzo complained.

It wasn't until October 31st that he conceded: 'He has a point.'

"Lord Akio, this is intolerable." Sanzo glared at the pile of papers Akio offered him. Akio remained, still-smiling. Sanzo folded his arms. "I cannot be here day in and day out. I at least want the freedom to walk out of my office once in a while!"

"Lord Sanzo-" Akio's glasses slid down his nose, and he took a nervous step back. "Lord Sanzo, you must believe me, this is for your own good."

"For my own- do you expect me to-"

"Please come with me." Akio set the papers down by Sanzo's door, weighed them with a doorstop, and turned sharply on his heel. Sanzo followed, as he led the way to the guest's quarters at the back of the temple. Sanzo was familiar with them- he'd stayed there when he was first sent to Kei'un, before formally taking his role as head priest. He didn't remember them being quite so immaculate as when he'd stayed there- it hardly looked like Akio touched anything at all in the room, but for the desk, blanketed in neatly organized piles of letters and papers. Akio promptly selected one, and handed Sanzo a stack of crumpled, yellowing papers.

"I've intercepted these. I didn't want you to know." His head inclined with shame as Sanzo started to look over the papers, one made with block stamps, and the rest of which had been assembled with cut-and-pasted newspaper and advertisement print:

"Give us Genjo Sanzo"

"RETurn THE maTEN SUTra"

"WE WANT RESTITUTION OR-"

Sanzo threw the papers down and glared at them. "Threats."

"There were others, packed with poison. Those were intercepted by my bodyguards and discarded." Akio dropped to his knees to pick the papers up, tapped them back into a neat stack and replaced them on his desk. "They started arriving the day after you went to visit your wards. You were in a foul mood, and I didn't want to worry you."

"You need to disclose these things as they happen!" He set one hand on his hip and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Have you made any sort of response?"

"I was asked about all this by a youkai who came 'round making demands." Akio rolled his eyes. "I was frank on your behalf- I informed them that you would not return it, as it is rightfully yours."

"You said- on my behalf?" Sanzo winced, and lowered his head into his hand. "Lord Akio, the Maten Sutra does rightfully belong in the hands of a youkai Sanzo."

"A youkai Sanzo?!" Akio's eyebrows both rose. "There is-"

"- no such Sanzo at this time." Sanzo finished his sentence before he could. "I would be willing to hand over my sutra in a heartbeat should a youkai Sanzo present himself. I would only ask the return of the Seiten Sutra, which is mine, by right." He scoffed, and folded his arms. "You need to ask me these questions rather than speak for me."

"I, er, apologize." Akio glanced away. "If asked, what if you were offered one of the other three sutras?"

"Unacceptable. First off, those three are in the hands of Sharak Sanzo in Arhat. If anyone had them without her say-so-"

"Her?!" Akio looked plainly scandalized, and Sanzo's mouth fell open.

"You know, I think I'm quite done explaining." He snapped his jaw shut, biting back his irritation. "I will deal with any questions about Sanzo business from here on out. Refer them to me directly."

"Yes, of course." Akio bowed his head, and Sanzo looked down at the threatening letters again.

"So you're keeping me inside again."

"No guards. You said so, and I would not go against your wishes." Akio paced nervously around his chair. "But until we find the source of them, it's dangerous for you to move around freely."

"Then tell me so! Stop pouring work onto me to distract me! I can do other things without leaving!" Sanzo knocked all of Akio's papers onto the floor and swept out. Akio knelt to pick them up without complaint.

Lord Sanzo... He sighed to himself. I wish I could tell you that I only forged one of those.

With that conversation, Sanzo was reduced to meandering around the temple in search of things to do. He meditated, he practiced, he read sutras from time to time, and Akio still gave him little things to do- reports to review, the occasional requisition or bill- but he spent far too much of it watching the sun pass through the sky past his window.

He thought about them sometimes. He thought about them all the time. He thought about the looks on their faces when they'd choked out those painful words: "Lord Sanzo." He couldn't help but be certain they still felt that pain. He sent Goku along every day with the simple instruction: "If he asks, yes, I'm still angry at him."

"Are you really?" Goku asked a few times, and Sanzo's answer was always along the same lines:

"Not as much as I was, but I think it'd be easier than telling him I'm hiding again. He shouldn't have to think about me when the last thing I did is scold him." Sanzo lowered his eyes. "I'd rather a chance to explain myself face to face."

At least with Goku still going to the house, Sanzo could grill him nightly on how the boys fared. Goku always came back with news of the twins, his activities with them:

"I took 'em to the park. Gojyo even came with us today."

"We hung around the shop most of the day, but me an' Kai took 'em out for snacks on his lunch hour."

"There was a puppet show at the library. The boys loved it. I'll take 'em every week, if Gojyo lets me!"

He was satisfied that they were at least still happy, even if he couldn't see them himself. He did not, however, let on that he still wanted to know how Gojyo was. He couldn't bring himself to ask.

It was November 29th when Goku came back with something new: a box and an envelope. "He said to give 'em to you," was the only explanation Goku had. Sanzo took both from his hands, weighed the box in his hands, then shook the envelope, mystified.

It took him a full thirty seconds to realize what it was.

"He got me a birthday present?!" Sanzo threw the box at the wall. "That- that idiot! All this time I've been stuck in here, avoiding him by proxy, and he sends me a present?! How the hell did he even find out-" He gave Goku a withering look. "I don't even have to ask, do I?"

"Dude, Hakkai saw it in one of those unofficial data books." Goku held his hands out in front of himself defensively. "He got it from him."

"How the hell did they- I don't care!" Sanzo grabbed the envelope between both hands, and moved to tear it in half, but stopped himself. "No. No, I-" He shoved the envelope back to Goku. "I can't destroy it. But I can't keep it. Take them back to him. Whatever is in here, he has better use for it than I do." He picked up the box and shook it again, childlike curiosity begging him to tear the paper and see just what Gojyo had sent him. He pushed it away from himself, back to Goku, then dropped himself into his chair and set his head in his hands. "I didn't send him a present this year. What kind of ass does he take me for?"

Goku said nothing more about the present, but two days later, when Sanzo tried to send him off, he shook his head.

"Kai said he didn't want me coming around for a while."

"What?" Sanzo frowned, puzzling at this. Goku's shoulders sunk as Sanzo scrutinized him. "Why not?"

"I dunno," Goku mumbled, looking down and away. Sanzo scowled- Goku might have been able to hide some things, but at this distance, a bald lie shone in the pink in his cheeks.

"Goku." He leaned closer, reducing the distance between their eyes. "Is it because he's upset with me?"

Goku bit his lower lip, swallowed, and nodded. Let's go with that. "They won't tell me why, but I guess that's it, yeah."

"Damn it all." Sanzo whirled to the door and pounded his fist on the wall. "I-" He swallowed what he wanted to say. "I- If that's what Hakkai says, so be it."

How could he argue without letting on how it hurt to be denied his last connection? He could hope that everything would work out in the end, but he couldn't do anything but let it fester. Without looking Gojyo in the eyes, it was impossible for him to delve any deeper than that.

Goku didn't have to wonder. He knew the look in Sanzo's eyes, and he knew that disclosing the hardships he knew Hakkai and Gojyo faced would only make it worse.

The shop had closed three days after Hakkai and Gojyo decided they had to do so, though they left a note on the door saying they would fill special orders that were mailed to them. Unfortunately, it seemed there were no takers, so there was no money in the house but what was left from earlier in the year. The first two weeks of living on an austere budget had gone well, if only because there was still meat in the ice box and a stocked pantry. However, as the reserves started to vanish, it became more noticeable. Ryuichi was the first of the children to say anything about it at all.

"Hey, Gojyo, uh, are we out of the sesame cookies?" He had abandoned his homework to check the pantry, as Gojyo read through his floral encyclopedia. Gojyo kept his head low.

"Did you eat the last ones yesterday?"

"I guess, yeah." Ryuichi grinned sheepishly. "Were you gonna get more?"

"Not right now, no." Gojyo flipped the page, feeling his guts wrench as Ryuichi cocked his head.

"We're out of almond cookies, too. And we haven't had chocolate shortbread in a week." Ryuichi paused. "Uh, and I didn't wanna say anything, but you forgot my allowance."

"Kid-" Gojyo put his book down. "It's not in the budget right now, okay? We're gonna kinda have to do without for a little bit."

"Oh." Ryuichi looked down, then up, as he put two and two together. "We're poor, aren't we?"

"We're not poor, kid. We're just living on a little less because the shop's shut." Gojyo got to his feet and planted his hands on Ryuichi's shoulders. "I know this might be a little scary for you, but listen to me." He enunciated each word slowly. "We. Will. Not. Run. Out. Of. Food." He smiled, and gave Ryuichi a gentle shake. "You're never going to go hungry. There's always going to be food on that table. It's not going to be fancy stuff, we're probably not going to have meat every night, but you will go to bed every night with three meals on ya. Just don't worry about it, okay?"

"G-Gojyo-" Ryuichi broke the eye contact, then pulled his shoulders away. "Okay." He shut the pantry and sat back down with his homework. Gojyo returned to his book, and he thought that was the end of the conversation.

The next day, Ryuichi arrived home from school around the same time as Gojyo got back from an outing to the library with the boys. He helped Gojyo take their coats off before taking his own things off, and dug a few pieces of paper from his backpack. "Could you sign these?"

"Eh?" Gojyo took the papers, and read them over quickly. "Job application? Work release- Ryuichi." He looked up, frowning, as Ryuichi anxiously shuffled his feet and looked up and away at the ceiling. "Ichi, what is this?"

"Well- uh-" Ryuichi swallowed. "Since- since I'm turning fifteen next week-"

"What?" Gojyo's jaw fell. He realized that though Ryuichi might have told him while filling out the registration papers, he hadn't remembered it. He grinned. "When?"

"Uh- the fourteenth." Ryuichi cleared his throat and looked away. "But, uh, since I'm gonna be fifteen, I'm allowed to work as long as I have parental permission. And the post office around the corner needs a helper, someone young and strong. It's something I can keep doing even when the shop opens again, since I can just clean the shop in the evening-"

"What kind of cake d'you want? What did you want for presents?" Gojyo completely ignored what Ryuichi was saying, all too excited. Ryuichi, however, put his foot down.

"Nothing!" He shoved Gojyo's hands at his chest, thrusting the papers back to him. "I want to work! I'll give you all the money I earn, okay? That way, you can get meat and stuff for the kids!"

Gojyo had, in his excitement, forgotten that he was supposed to be upset. He looked at the papers again. "What about your homework?"

"During the school year, I can ask them to cut my hours to three days a week. But it's winter break soon, and I'm gonna be bored around the house." Ryuichi folded his arms. "Please sign them. I just want to help."

Gojyo stared at the bottom line, and, reluctantly, took a pen from one of the drawers. "Have you talked to the folks at the post office already? You, uh, you might have trouble getting the job, since you're-"

"I talked to 'em already. They said they wanted either a youkai or a hanyou, after what happened to the last kid."

"The last- wait." Gojyo remembered hearing about the attack at the post office. "You mean that post office?"

"Uh-huh. The last kid's mom made him quit for some reason, and the old folks there said something about 'not hurting one of their own.'" Ryuichi shrugged, as Gojyo's eyes nearly boggled out of his head.

"Kid-" Gojyo looked between Ryuichi and the papers. Well, I guess lightning can't strike twice, right? He signed, and handed them back to Ryuichi. "If your grades slip, you're out of there."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't you sir me, kid." Gojyo grinned. "Just..." He set his hand on Ryuichi's head and mussed his hair in six different directions. "Get yourself a box of cookies. It's gonna be your money. You can do whatever you want with it." Ryuichi chuckled, and tried to fix his hair when Gojyo released him.

"I wanna feed the little guys. That's all. Thank you!" He put his jacket back on and rushed right back out the door. Gojyo watched him run down the street, ignoring the chaos behind him as Yohei and Eiji tried to get into the pantry.

"Cookie for me, Daddy?" Yohei asked as he stood on Eiji's back to look to a higher shelf.

"Get outta there, kiddo." Gojyo smirked. "You have until the count of five." He sighed, as Ryuichi turned the corner, out of sight. They grow up so fast. "Five." I just gotta get these two there. "Four. Three-two-one!" He whirled around, and both boys had vanished. "Oh, now we're hiding?" He laughed, and as he started to search the house, forgot any worries he had about them growing up too fast.

Hakkai, over those two weeks, had been scarce again. Gojyo had ensured he wasn't bounty hunting, and he swore up and down that he wasn't- "I've been looking for odd jobs. I posted my information on the bulletin board, offering my services as a tutor, or doing house work, cooking, anything."

"And how's it going?"

"Not well. Money's tight for everyone in the winter, and school's almost out for the season anyway. Failing that, I've started looking for work elsewhere." Hakkai had laughed weakly. "I did put in my application with the registration. I did well last year. They'll surely have me back again."

"Maybe I oughta start looking for temporary work myself." Gojyo shoved his hands in his pockets and turned his eyes away to think, but Hakkai shook his head.

"That would mean inviting Goku back so someone can watch the boys while you're gone, at which point he'll find out what's going on, and you know he'll tell Sanzo about our... situation."

"And Sanzo will go fucking nuclear," Gojyo concluded, and sighed.

"Stay with them." Hakkai nodded to the boys, who were hovering around Hakuryu's cat castle by the window and trying to coax him out.. "Take them to the library, or the park. Keep them busy and occupied. Do the same for yourself."

Keeping busy was easier said than done, for Gojyo at least. The boys were happy doing almost anything, as long as they had something to do. Gojyo, however, could only tolerate finger-painting and coloring books and piggy-back rides for so long. He loved seeing them smile, but his mind was always elsewhere. The mental monologue ran a mile a minute in the undercurrent of everything he did.

"Spent 50 yuan on rice today, ought'a last us like four days. The week's budget was what, 300? Shit. And 'Kai just got broccoli. Wonder how much he spent. The boys are sick of it, but at least it's not too expensive. How the fuck is 200 grams of chicken 75 yuan? That's not even enough for three people to eat one meal, but it costs like a third of what I got for a week! What the fuck are they feeding those chickens?"

Food was an obsession, and not even in the gluttonous way it used to be for Goku. Gojyo found himself constantly wondering what their next meal was going to be, how much it was going to cost him, and if they'd have enough for the end of the week. The answer to the last question was almost always "no." Even eating nothing but rice for the week, Gojyo and Hakkai skipped both Saturday night dinners of those first weeks just because there wasn't quite enough rice to go around without dipping into the next week's budget.

It wasn't so bad. Gojyo had gone hungry before. The empty feeling in the bottom of your stomach goes away if you do other things and ignore it. The hard part was Yohei and Eiji watching him skip meals, as meal times had become a battleground anew.

"Yuck." Yohei started as Hakkai set his plate down in front of him.

"Yuck," Eiji concurred when Gojyo gave him his. Ryuichi said nothing as he scraped the pot onto his plate and sat down between them, and Gojyo and Hakkai sat across from them. Hakkai had a cup of tea, but Gojyo didn't bother. Eiji prodded at the soupy lentils with his spoon, as Yohei glared at the steamed daikon slices. "Daddy, we had this last night," Eiji moaned and squirmed in his seat.

"Yeah, well, it's good for you." It was a lame excuse, and he knew it. Gojyo reached into his pocket for a cigarette out of habit, but he'd forgotten that he hadn't been able to afford cigarettes on their budget. Failing that, he folded his arms and tried not to think about his nicotine cravings. "Just eat up, kiddo."

"You eat it!" Yohei pushed his plate towards Gojyo.

"Nope." Gojyo shoved it right back. "This is yours."

"Yeah, well, you don't have any!" Yohei hunched his shoulders, baring his little teeth. "So you eat it!" He picked the plate up again, but Gojyo pushed it right back down to his spot.

"Daddy's not eating it 'cos it's gross." Eiji pouted, folding his arms and glaring at his plate.

"That ain't true. Daddy already ate." Gojyo got up and forcefully unfolded Eiji's arms, and closed his eyes in the hopes they wouldn't be able to tell he was lying. "I ate while we were cooking because I was too hungry to wait. It was yummy. Uncle did a good job. Now you eat up."

I shouldn't have to lie to them. This fucking hurts.

"No!" Both boys shouted back, and Gojyo groaned. That hurt worse. He didn't want to resort to threats, but he knew that the next step was "eat or else." He didn't know what the "or else" was. Luckily, there was an intervention.

"Guys," Ryuichi interrupted. He had listened, eyes low, glaring at his plate. "Guys, if you eat everything there, you can have one of my cookies."

This got their attention. Both boys picked up their spoons, took breaths, and started shoveling the lentils down. Gojyo smiled and sat back down, patting Ryuichi's shoulder as he circled past him. Ryuichi didn't say anything, but started to eat without another word. Hakkai had stayed silent through the argument, but looked over at Gojyo as he sat back down.

"Smart boys." He spoke in a stage whisper, pretending Ryuichi couldn't hear him, knowing the boys couldn't understand. "Perhaps when I get employment with the registration, we can make room in our budget for sweets sometimes." Ryuichi's lower lip wiggled, but he kept eating.

True to his word, when the boys cleared their plates, Ryuichi brought a box of almond cookies from his room and gave one to each of them. He then held the box out to Gojyo and Hakkai, shaking it to get their attention over the noise of the water running in the sink. Both of them ignored it. He bit his lip, then asked outright.

"Please take one."

"No, thank you." Hakkai tapped the steamer dish on the counter, and set it on the dish rack.

"Those are yours, kid." Gojyo scrubbed the lentil pot a little harder- he was sure he was starting to see little circles forming on the bottom where they always stuck. Ryuichi trembled, and lowered the box.

"Mr. Gojyo, I gave you my money. What did you do with it?"

"That's emergency money." Gojyo put the pot down in the dishwater, then opened a side drawer with an envelope. Ryuichi recognized it- he'd given it to Gojyo two days before (after taking a few bills out, because his sweet tooth wouldn't allow otherwise.) Gojyo opened it, to show that it was all still there. "If something bad happens- busted window, broken heater, anything out of the blue- then we use it. Other than that, this is still yours."

"Please!" Ryuichi folded his hands, bending his knees and shaking his clasped hands at him. "Don't let the boys watch you starve! They're gonna figure it out! It hurts like hell!"

"Speaking from experience, huh?" Gojyo frowned, and Ryuichi's head sunk. "Kid, if the heater breaks, we have no other reserves. I'd rather be hungry than cold." He prodded Ryuichi's chest. "Hungry goes away. Cold's gonna start taking fingers and toes."

"Hungry doesn't go away." Ryuichi shivered, and Gojyo tipped his chin up to meet his eyes.

"This is gonna get better, kid. I promise." He grinned, but Ryuichi didn't return the gesture. He pushed Gojyo's hand off, and stormed away. Gojyo watched him go, slowly drawing one eyebrow into an arch as he ran back down the stairs, hugging his box of cookies. "Sulky bastard."

"He's a teenager." Hakkai set the last plate on the rack. "They do that." He set his hand on his hip. "It doesn't mean he's not right."

"It's okay. It's all gonna be okay." Gojyo turned around, as Hakkai untied his apron and hung it on its peg. "You'll get the job, and we're going to be okay."

"Of course." Hakkai straightened his monocle, and glanced to the playroom. "Do watch them- they're starting to play rough with Hakuryu."

"Right." The subject was dropped, though both Hakkai and Gojyo knew, under the surface, it still growled up at them like their empty stomachs.

As the registration drew near, Hakkai went daily to the Bureau of Youkai-Human relations to check if they were interviewing applicants yet. Each day, he was told "no," and Gojyo and Hakkai watched as their reserves dwindled further and further. Yohei and Eiji kept complaining about the bland meals, and Ryuichi became more anxious by the day. Hakkai even started skipping lunches daily just to ensure there would be enough, and on the fourth week of no income, Gojyo joined him.

Even though they were starting to feel the ache, they tried not to think about it. There was still the promise of "once I get the job." "Perhaps we'll even be able to have meat again," Hakkai chuckled to himself as he read over the evening paper. "Once a week, even." Gojyo looked, and saw the registration opening dates- the second of the new year. Four more days.

"Let's hope, man." He set his elbow on the table, and pressed his fingers into his scalp as his stomach growled.

When the fireworks had ended on the first, Hakkai ventured out to the bureau once again. Gojyo chose to distract the children by taking them out to see some of the spontaneous festivities that had broken out in the wake of the celebration: "This is nothing compared to the Shangri-La New Year," he told the boys as they pointed at the sweet dumpling stand. "We'll get some dumplings then. Promise!" He let them watch the parades of people celebrating, drinking sake, and wished he could join in. However, with light pockets, he couldn't even imagine lightening them further by dropping bills on alcohol or fancy food. The boys didn't know this, though.

"Daddy, please! There's balloons!" Eiji tugged his hand towards one stall.

"Lookit the teriyakis!" Yohei tried to pull him in the opposite direction to a stand selling skewers of barbecued chicken. Gojyo could smell the hot coals, and the meat roasting. His stomach growled, and he swallowed the saliva dripping from the back of his throat to ignore it.

"Guys, guys, we're just looking around!" Gojyo reined both of them back in. "Looking, not buying. We have food at home." Both boys moaned and started dragging their feet, and Gojyo tugged them a little harder. "Come on, you ain't Shih-tzus!"

He arrived back to find Hakkai at the table again, elbows planted under his wrists, head in his hands. This time, he was completely still and barely breathing. Gojyo buttoned his lip for the moment, as he undressed the boys and took their shoes off. "Who has to go?" Both hands rose, and Gojyo chuckled and set his hand on his forehead, the other cocked at his waist. "Okay, Yohei, let Eiji go first. Just think dry thoughts until he's done." Both boys rushed down the hall to hit the bathroom, and Gojyo moved to sit beside Hakkai. "Bro. Talk to me."

"They're not hiring youkai this year." Hakkai started to tremble as the words spilled out under his breath. It started to come faster and faster. "There is no position available for me. They will not hire me. The only money we have is what Ryuichi has brought in." His fingers curled into his hair. "Unless some miracle comes to pass, we will have no significant income until March."

"So, we're broke." Gojyo's chest started to shake, his stomach started to twist.

"We're going to have to start taking out loans, or skip the mortgage payment, or turn off the heat." Hakkai rubbed his eyes, pressing in on them to distract from the ache in his heart. "We'll spend Ryuichi's money. Even if it means having no emergency money- because what is this but an emergency?" Gojyo forced himself to lift a hand to Hakkai's shoulder, patting it slowly.

"We're gonna be okay, bro." Gojyo took in a slow breath, then dragged himself to the side drawer and took out the envelopes of money Ryuichi had brought in. "Let's see what we actually have."

60 yuan a week wasn't much, and it looked like even less laid out on the table in front of the two of them. "At least there'll be more, right?" Gojyo flipped through the paper bills again. "We can stretch it. We'll make it last."

"This cuts our food budget down to about 80 a week," Hakkai murmured after a moment's thought. "Less than half. I suppose we can bump that up if we turn the heater down. Perhaps I can sell my plasma or something."

"Are you serious?" Gojyo tilted his head towards him. "Your fucking blood, dude-"

"I'll have to do it soon if I'm going to do it." Hakkai closed his eyes again, then removed his monocle. "Gojyo, no matter what we do, we're not going to have enough to go around. Perhaps we should look to some charity-"

"Hell no." Gojyo gripped the back of Hakkai's chair. "We ain't homeless. We ain't poor. We're just broke. I don't want no goddamn handouts."

"If you're going to be stubborn, then we will have to tighten our belts again." He set his monocle down, then rubbed his forehead weakly.

"By we, you mean you and I." Gojyo straightened his shoulders and set them back. "I don't care if you and me only eat one meal a day, or if I don't eat at all." He put his fist in his other palm, glaring into the other room. He could imagine the boys at play there. "The boys eat like they have been, as normal as they can. They will not see a goddamn difference. They don't need to know anything's wrong." He thumped his chest. "Me? I don't need to eat. My kids' smiles are all I need to keep me going." He took the envelopes and stuffed them back into the side drawer. "Besides." He set his hands on his lower back. "I need to lose a little weight anyway."

Hakkai smiled weakly, but nodded before hanging his head again. Gojyo could put a brave face on it all he liked, but there was no getting around it: the rest of the season would be spent starving.

End Notes: Part 2 will be up next week! And for those of you who are wondering: yes, it gets better. It always gets better.

Oh, and one quick note: Gojyo is supposed to be shit at doing math in his head. So I did not make a mistake when he said 75 yuan would be "like a third" of his weekly budget. Just saying...

So, new chapter next week! To be continued! Don't forget to let me know what you thought!