The Messiness of Life

by Victoria G

Every person has a breaking point that once reached, begins the inevitable descent toward devastation or beauty...in the rarest of cases, both. Fujino Shizuru happened to encounter hers on a bus. (Shizuru-centric AU, eventually ShizNat)

25. Conversations, Saeko, and What to Wear

The Messiness of Life
By Victoria G.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story.
Fandom: A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU
Rating: PG-13 until the final chapter, which will be M.
Author's Note: This chapter required quite a bit of editing... between grad school and work it took a bit of time. I'm certain there are still some missing articles and doubled words. I always miss a few of those. Many thanks to those who are taking the time to provide a review of the chapters and thanks to the readers as well. A special thanks to those who have been reading/reviewing since the beginning. It's what has kept me going on this.

Narrative #25: Conversations and Contradictions
Date: March 7th, 2014 … a Friday

"This must be Duran." I watched the timid creature hiding behind his master, peering at me from behind shapely legs as she removed her boots. She looked as if she intended to divest herself of her socks as well… but stopped herself, likely out of respect. I wondered if she went barefoot in her own home. She had done so outside on the slab behind the hospital, hadn't she? That was unusual in itself…

"Duran… come on…"

"I am sure, when he's ready, he will come to say hello."

She rested a hand on the back of her neck before glancing at me rather shyly. It made my heart throb. "Hey." It was said quiet and low and with the tiniest smile.

I realized she was excited to see me even though it had been less than a day. It was softness that blanketed my mind despite how improbable it seemed. "You were able to get some sleep I hope?"

She shrugged. "A nap between cases." Fingers lifted to dab at the skin beneath her eyes. "It didn't help."

I shook my head gently. "Kanin-na." My hand found its way to her cheek and I smiled… a word… a description settling on the tip of my tongue before I remembered her opinion on the particular word I wished to use. I prefaced… "It is only that I'm concerned. Though I know how much you enjoy hearing such things, you look quite beautiful Natsuki."

Her stiffening in response seemed to alarm her dog. He trotted off beneath a nearby table, tail hanging low. My hand slipped away from her face as her head followed him guiltily. "Aw, Duran. I'm sorry…. it's okay, come here…" Her tone, when addressing him, was softer than I'd ever heard it before. She dropped to the ground, extending her arm and I watched as he slowly slinked up to her.

"Is he alright?" I asked, watching her crouched form.

"He gets nervous." Her green eyes flashed to me and she reached out her hand to take mine, bringing me down to the floor next to her. Another light flush took her as we met eyes… knelt beside one another… our bodies alarmingly close. It was something of a relief that it affected her too. "Put your hand out…"

I did as she asked, breaking our gaze. He crept toward me… his fur tickling my fingers as he moved in slowly, sniffing me carefully. If he was intimidated, it did not seem wise to bring my hand on top of his head. Instead, I scratched his chest. He briefly allowed it and the very faint scent of pet shampoo wafted up. Natsuki had taken the time to give him a bath before bringing him over… for some reason that was one of the more adorable things, she'd ever done. After another moment, he retreated back to his hiding spot… having exhausted his bravery. I did not mind timid animals in the slightest… I respected their instincts.

"That's more than most people get." I turned to face her and she worried an earring, glancing over at me.

"He is sweet," I answered. "Much like his master." I wanted to kiss her so very badly, but such a thing as a kiss, in such a situation as this, required an invitation of sorts. There was no definitive label for what had occurred between us last night and that left me at a loss for what would or would not be accepted… what would or would not be wise.

We stood up together. "It smells good in here." She gave a small smile and stretched lightly. I let myself watch… just for a moment.

"I prepared some dinner for us as promised."

She pushed aside a bit of hair that had fallen in front of her face, fingers resting behind her ear. "You didn't have to Shizuru."

"Are you hungry?" I asked and her stomach answered for her. She scowled down at it. "I am pleased that I did then." Making my way toward the kitchen… I was stopped by her voice.

There was a short laugh and the sound was so rare that I turned to see what had caused it. "What's this?" She was holding the squid in her grip… it had been resting on the side table by the front door where I'd left it. Its long arms now swayed gently in front of her hips.

For some reason, I was quite suddenly embarrassed for having purchased it. "It's for your dog." Her eyebrows drew together. "I had nothing suitable for him here." My shyness in this was confounding to me. I was left with the sensation of feeling more myself than I ever had and yet not at all myself.

Her hands pressed into the body eliciting a squeak and she looked at me questioningly. "You bought him a toy." That intense stare… my heart was speeding. She crouched back down and placed it by the side table under which he was hidden. After a quick sniff, he bit a single tentacle and pulled the toy in with him. At least I'd made a good choice as far as he was concerned. Maybe she thought so too… the grin that now had her lips suggested it. A hand to the back of her neck again and her eyes met mine from over her forearm. "Thanks."

"It is really nothing Natsuki, but you are welcome." I felt slightly foolish for the swell of happiness that rose in my chest because I'd pleased her.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, standing up and moving back over toward me where I still stood by my front hall.

I smiled and lied. "Perhaps a little." I had not eaten anything besides the few bites of food from Mai-han's bento. My appetite had suffered greatly over the past week. It had yet to fully recover and I planned to take a small amount of what I'd made … pretend to eat it.

She began unzipping her coat and I stepped up next to her, helped her with it… slid it from her shoulders. My actions seemed to catch her off guard… and she froze. She watched as I hung it up in the closet, her face unreadable, hand returning to her ear.

Again we were facing one another, no words exchanged... yet so much between us. I could not help but notice her with the jacket gone. She looked quite tempting in a pair of tight jeans and a button up shirt, sleeves rolled to her elbows. The lightweight material fell against her in the most pleasant ways as she moved. Her hair was in a single braid and her makeup was subtle… such a breathtakingly gorgeous woman.

It took me a moment to refocus, the depression that had held me all day beginning to dissipate. "Would you like it now?"

"Sure." She said around a nod, and I smiled before I led her into my kitchen. Her eyes were busy, moving side to side and taking in her surroundings. "I've never seen a house like this, Shizuru."

"It is interesting, is it not?" The design was certainly different.

She nodded as her eyes darted around and then settled on my counter. "You made all this?"

"I thought it was best to have options." I was self-conscious about my cooking because, for years now, I had only ever cooked for myself. That I knew her tastes were fairly refined only added to my discomfort.

"You really didn't have to do this." She was clearly serious, but her gaze and her stomach betrayed her in tandem. Sparkling green observed as I made her a plate, so noticeably excited and impatient that I nearly laughed. She truly seemed to enjoy her food… more so than most people I would say… though her body demonstrated none of it.

"It is the least I can do." I took the smaller serving I had allotted myself and we sat on the cushions next to a round wooden table left by the previous owner. Natsuki ate at her usual slow, happy pace… and I was content to pick at my food and bask in her enjoyment. It was too cute and I found that her pleasure in the meal augmented mine. Bits of conversation came from her now and then, usually in response to things I would say... but mostly an almost meditative appreciation of the food. Her dog watched us from beneath the table, holding the new toy protectively in his mouth. He had rather human-looking eyes, bits of white showing as they shifted between Natsuki and me.

Sometime later the two of us were reclining side by side in the nook, our hips brushing and I could feel her warmth. Her legs were stretched out, mine tucked to the side. When we first relocated, Duran had followed us… a paw upon the edge of the bench. She'd looked to me for approval, which I gave. When she patted the upholstery he hopped up, dragging the purple stuffed toy with him to the corner. He now lay curled in a ball as far away from me as he could be… toy stored beneath him… tentacles protruding from beneath his chin like some strange beard. The scene was difficult not to smile at.

Natsuki was quietly attempting to gather the courage to say something. I did not know what, but it was making me rather anxious. We still had yet to speak of anything more than pleasantries, than the events of her day. Against the prickling anticipation I felt, I fixed a contented smile as though we were two friends sharing an evening. That was no longer the truth though. We were something unnamed… something that lay between friends and lovers… and it had yet to be decided which direction we would go. She was rubbing her feet against one another… fidgeting.

"You can take off your socks if you wish to," I remarked. She gave me a strange look. "Your feet seem unhappy."

With a gentle eye roll, she reached down and she slipped them off. Pale feet appeared with perfect little toes wiggling. They were small and feminine and clean… like her hands. I could recall her saying her feet liked to breathe… I contemplated whether the dancing of her digits was part of that process. She seemed somewhat less agitated now in any case.

"Shizuru?"

"Yes, Natsuki?"

Grabbing the pillow she had kneaded the night before, she placed it behind her back. "I want to understand some things."

I was unsure of this. "What is it you wish to understand?"

"You said you weren't okay last night. Was that because of me?"

I closed my eyes, letting my smile fall. At that moment, a piece of the letter came to my mind. I knew that I would need to attempt a conversation with her… no pretenses… no lies… no half-truths… no omissions to disguise what I felt.

"What happened between us... it was not just that." This would not be easy for me… nor did I anticipate it would be enjoyable, but to know whether or not this could ever work if I should permit myself a second chance at such a thing… there was a part of me that recognized the necessity of the coming conversation. "There are so many things." The addition tumbled out quietly, almost accidentally.

She nodded slowly and I glanced at what remained of the bruise on her eye. It became apparent she noticed my attention. "Marguerite." There was obvious animosity in the name and I knew that anything I told her of what occurred would only add to it… I'd resolved to be truthful though.

"That is part of it, yes." As I glanced her way, it was clear to me she was waiting for me to continue. "She was here a few days ago."

Her eyes widened. "She came here?"

I took a few seconds to consider my decision for full disclosure, but in the end, I continued. "Yes."

She was visibly upset by the revelation. "How does she know where you live?"

"I do not know. I decided to speak with her after what occurred between the two of you." I could not decide how much to say. "She was not overly receptive."

Her lip twitched and I could see she was fighting to stay calm. Agitation made her change position… cross her legs instead…lean forward. "What does that mean?"

I felt myself began to retreat in the face of the changing atmosphere. It felt too crisp, too sharp. "Perhaps we should not talk about this."

She stared at me and it was with reluctance that I returned the look. "You didn't talk to her by yourself Shizuru…" Her eyes told me it was a question.

"It was foolish I suppose, but when I found out she hurt you… I was not thinking clearly." My hands folded because her diminishing composure made it difficult for me to hold on to what composure I had gathered over the course of the day. "I find that is often the case where you are concerned."

She colored lightly… a slow blink… a deep breath. "Did she hurt you?"

"Not really. Our conversation was stopped before anything truly happened."

Her forehead wrinkled and she frowned. "How?"

"Do you know of Smith Consulting?"

Green eyes snapped open. "Smith?! What the hell do they have to do with any of this?"

"They came and she left with them. Smith-han spoke with me after."

"Why?"

"Legal issues concerning my involvement with HiME." A question painted itself across her face. "And he asked that I agree not to press charges against Marguerite. He ensured me Marguerite would not be allowed near you or myself if I made that promise. He was concerned it would bring more unwanted attention to the hospital. It was implied there was another client of theirs that had some interest in keeping Marguerite away from you as well… if you can make sense of that."

Her eyes closed and head dipping. "Alyssa." She murmured.

"Smith Consulting is employed by your younger sister?" That was even more confusing to me than not knowing why.

"Not exactly." There was such a fire in her eyes when they opened. "What does 'not really' mean? Did she touch you?" It was clear what she intended with the question.

"Not in the way that you mean." I watched her for a moment, shaking my head. "We spoke to each other… she became upset, forced her case to some degree."

"Forced?!" So angry… I placed my hand on her arm.

I could not directly lie to her and she caught my hesitation, eyed me warily the entire time I spoke. "She grabbed at my wrists… held them…and attempted to kiss me." It was true in the strictest sense, but I understood that I was downplaying what had transpired... and what might have been if there was no interruption. I was not ready to explain the depths to which I'd sunk that day nor what I had nearly allowed or why. I could not be sure that it would be something I'd ever share.

She dropped determined eyes, frowning and took my hands. I watched as she rolled my sleeves, the sweater I'd worn purposefully… long cuffs to cover my wrist and upper forearm. Small yellow ovals, fingerprints made lasting by pressure… what remained of them would disappear soon. I did not mention the few on my abdomen. "Shizuru..." Her whispering my name that way was instant heartache.

"I am afraid they are not very impressive when compared to yours." It was said lightly because thinking about that conversation, Tomoe-han's breath so close to me again, what I'd felt... the helplessness and the anger and the sinking... it was too much. "Please… it has been settled Natsuki. I believe Smith-han will uphold his end of our agreement. There is no reason for you to be troubled."

Her mouth quirked as her thumb traced them... trying to smooth them away, and I did not know what I felt. My chest was tight. She paused before speaking. "You really think that girl is like you?"

I turned my face away, ashamed. "In some ways, yes."

"How?"

I sighed, trying not to think too much about my last encounter with her. What she'd said… even now it struck a little too close… wrapped around my fears. It was difficult still, but I pushed out what I could. "She mistakes what she feels towards me for love, but it is not love… it is a possessive sort of crush. She believes what she feels is what I feel. I did nothing to help the situation… let it go too far because I know what it is like to think as she does. I suppose that clouded my judgment around her, made a pact of empathy between us. It was difficult to write her off completely when I have made that same mistakes Natsuki." I was trying so hard to believe I was not making them again. Whatever I was or was not willing to accept about the morality of loving another woman… whatever my father believed to be true…there was the separate issue of my own confused and dangerous brand of affection to consider.

She was absorbed in silent contemplation for enough time to drive me to the brink of madness. "If you can see it like that now, then things changed for you."

I sighed. "That theory is as yet untested."

"Shizuru." There was a silence that lasted until she was certain she had my attention. "Reality is here and Marguerite is over there. This…" She looked at my arms once more before letting them go. "Is not you."

A bit of discomfort pricked at me and I rolled the sleeves back down. "It has been me before though. I have hurt others as well Natsuki. Perhaps we are not exactly alike, but there are similarities that give me pause. Should they not?"

She regarded me carefully… annoyance still radiating from her like heat, disagreement clear but she did not challenge me. I wondered what she was thinking. "What did Smith want with her?"

"My understanding is that they wished to prevent any further association between us. They brought her uncle with them. It seems her family is unhappy with her choices." Not knowing what occurred after her departure, I could not be sure how closely matched our situations were in that respect.

"You haven't heard from her again."

"I have not."

A hand slid to her hair. "She should've touched you Shizuru." It was murmured quietly… I felt badly for making her feel this way. "She had no right."

"Natsuki…" Still so unduly protective of me…I needed to change the subject. "That letter. It is the larger part of it."

The woman beside me was suddenly softened… the irritation draining from her. "Yeah?" It was obvious I'd surprised her.

The earnestness in her gaze made me feel cruel in keeping this from her at all. I could see she was pushing herself in saying what she had already. "It was from my father." I could see the struggle on her face as she nodded, working out which questions to ask and which not to. "He passed away… as I told you."

"Recently?"

"A few months ago. It was the day you gave me the plum… that was when I discovered he had died."

She was staring at me in disbelief. "When I saw you...did you already know?"

I squeezed my left hand with my right, feeling unusually embarrassed at my own ability to mask my emotions. "Yes."

"Were you close with him?"

"My parents and I are estranged from one another. I have not seen them in some time, years… but my father and I were quite close when I was younger." I sent her a small smile. "There were choices I made… events that occurred…the end result of which was that we could no longer be around one another."

Her brows drew together. "Was that them or you?"

"I suppose it was both of us." My father's words about what had happened came back to me. It seemed too late for the idea that anything should have been different. Still… I could feel the characters lifting from the pages he'd written, slipping beneath my guard to tear at the things I believed. I could feel myself fighting it, yet I pushed more truth out. "There was a girl that I was with in high school. She is why I can understand Marguerite-han to some degree."

"The one you hurt?"

I nodded. "Her experience with me… it was much more one-sided than I was willing to recognize at the time. I was blinded by my own feelings and because I allowed myself to indulge in them to that extent, I hurt her… hurt is not even the word."

"So you broke her heart."

"That would have required me to have had it in the first place."

She frowned. "I don't understand."

"I thought that we belonged to one another in that way… that she belonged to me. I was wrong and I was selfish. I pushed... I... coaxed things from her that she was not ready for. It ended very poorly and the rumors began. People were very unkind to her afterward and it was largely my fault. If I had not been the way I was … such a thing would never have been associated with her. That was my doing."

"They never bothered you about it?"

"They did not. I was well liked… popular perhaps. Certainly, people talked but she was a bit of a loner and that was seized upon. All those words that were truly meant for me... she ended up with them heaped on her. She was never that really way, merely caught up in my intensity. It was something I tried to pull from her because I wanted her to feel as I felt." There was the strangest look on her face and I was not sure that I wished to know what she was thinking. "The relentlessness of the taunts... what had transpired between us that she wished had not...because of all it, she ended up taking her own life." I was saddened by the fact it brought me no relief to say it aloud. I had no right to expect a release, a burden lifted… but the desolation, the gnawing shame of my own weakness… it was so heavy.

She was staring at me, clearly uncertain. "Whatever you did Shizuru, people still make their own choices. That was hers, not yours."

The words she was trying to comfort me with did nothing but deepen my self-loathing over the incident because I should have known, I should have understood. I should have been so much more careful than I was. I never wanted this to become something that was acceptable to me… I could not allow that. "You do not understand."

"I don't, but if you think it's your fault…neither do you." Words that so closely matched my father's…

"Natsuki…"

"Did your parents know what was going on?"

"Of the nature of my relationship with her?" She nodded. "No… not until her death and I had thought only my mother knew… but the letter revealed that was not correct. My father found out in time as well."

"Your parents don't talk to you because of that." The idea of it did not sit well with her… that much was apparent.

"It cannot be seen so simply. You must understand that I did not deal with the situation properly. In fairness, I left my mother little choice but to estrange us."

Her head shook. "What the hell qualifies as proper in that situation?"

"I did not save face, Natsuki. My relations with her, my choice to engage in such things is a disgrace to my family…and I could not think of them as I should have. I could not fix myself. Leaving was the best option."

"That's what the letter said?"

"My father professed to believe the opposite." I could not explain to her the pain I felt reading the letter… words that pulled at emotions I shoved all the way down to my feet… a cold anger, a sense of abandonment… things I would not allow myself to feel.

"And you think he's wrong."

"I…" There were so many contradictory emotions inside me… having never spoken of such things with anyone I felt unprepared for the flares of emotion this was causing. "…do not know what I think."

"How were you supposed to fix yourself?"

"My parents meant for me to marry and have children, to continue my father's name. The way that I've allowed myself to be is not consistent with that desire nor is it consistent with the beliefs of my family. It makes my decisions self-serving and dishonorable." I watched as she chewed her lip, staring at the ground, her face so heavy with feeling that it hurt me to look at. "I did not adjust my behavior, I should have for the sake of my family… for my own pride in myself. That is how I was raised and what I meant by fixing myself."

Such a pointed stare… "Shizuru…"

"This is upsetting you. I do not want it to Natsuki."

Moments passed before she spoke, voice quiet and each word sounding as though it required effort to release. "I know what it feels like, to be alone like that. You didn't have to be."

I could not look at her. "You could not have deserved it. You must have been a child at the time and I cannot imagine how difficult that was for you."

She pressed her lips together at my words, crossing her arms… uncomfortable. "You didn't 'deserve' it."

"That is not something you could know."

The look she was giving me, it was such an odd mix of emotions. "You're so hard on yourself."

"The choices I have made caused what came to me Natsuki. It is entirely different."

She pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek. It had been a while since I'd seen that particular gesture. "You're kinda stubborn."

I smiled humorlessly. "It is my father's blood."

"I should blame the Fujino's?"

"You could, but it would be unjust. My mother changed my name when I left." I had not said my name in so long. To hear it spoken to me by Smith-han… it was disquieting even now.

Her eyes as they met mine, were shocked and irritated. "She wouldn't let you keep your name?"

"It is his name…a measure of protection for their reputation." She gripped her knees, drawing them up toward her chest. "My mother was protecting the Viola reputation."

Her eyes closed and she released her knees, gripping her sides. The emotion was in her fingers… aggravation, upset… but she was pushing it down. I wondered if it was for my sake or her own. "She disowned you." I had never thought of it that way, not with that word, but I supposed that was true.

"I can understand her actions," I answered because even if they hurt me, I had always been able to rationally understand them… the purpose behind them.

Her gaze was searching and then fell into a completely different, wholly distracted expression. "Viola-san..." She said the name quietly, with a look of confusion on her face, a confusion that I shared. "I... met your father."

My own eyes widened. "How could that be possible?"

"During my residency. The patient I told you about in the car… Viola Ken was his name. He broke his ankle fishing." She stared at me. "You have his eyes..." Her hands dropped from her sides and curled into fists. She wanted to raise her voice, I could see that much but she did not. "Where the hell was he when any of that was happening?"

"He was there, Natsuki. My mother told him I had become a volunteer for some company that deploys medical personnel to third world countries. It was a better story. Unfortunately, it seems he was not fooled."

Her head swung toward me. "He said he couldn't find you."

She pursed her lips and they twitched. I laid my hand on her knee softly, trying to apologize as much with my touch as my words. "Kanin-na… I do not wish to…."

"Don't say burden me." She raised her eyebrow as if daring me to challenge her on that.

I sighed, forcing a smile. "Natsuki knows me too well."

Her hand covered mine, warm and soft. We sat in silence like that for some time before she spoke again. "He talked about you."

I felt on the verge of tears yet again. "Did he?" My voice was unsteady and I covered my mouth with my other hand. How could she have met my father? Such a strange weaving of the fibers of our lives…I swallowed, composing myself.

"He sounded so proud of you. I don't get it. Shizuru. It isn't right, what happened to you."

Why it troubled her to such an extent when it was something that belonged to me, something I held such responsibility in… "Natsuki, can you truly not understand why?"

"That doesn't make it right." I had nothing to say in response, but her words produced a strange feeling of fear in me. No one had ever said that to me before. My father had written it essentially, but I had never seen the sincerity in someone's eyes, in their voice while saying these things. It shook me that she believed it so wholly, but I was able to catch myself. I did not want her to say what she was and it was difficult to understand why… likely for the same reason, I found my father's letter unsettling. It was too far removed from the way that I thought.

"There are reasons..."

"Bullshit." She grumbled…clearly angry and it bothered me to see… such emotion over this. "Someone should have been there for you. He should have."

"It cannot be ignored how much of this belongs to me." I interrupted, a bit of defensiveness rising in me… not toward her, but for the views that were so ingrained in me. They had been battered repeatedly over the last few days and they were clawing for footing. I released our hands and stood… walked over to the mantle, a hand on its top to steady myself. I pulled the parchment pages from beside his picture. "Take this." I handed her the letter, my hand trembling lightly.

"What?" She stopped, holding the folded paper on her open palms.

"Please, do not say anything more on it. You may read it, but not now. There are things he has written that are too difficult for me to explain."

She nodded, placing it to the side…unsure but willing. The two of us sat in heavy silence for sometime after. I could sense her wanting… something… I was not sure what. Perhaps for this conversation to end… perhaps for us to have never had it in the first place… or maybe those were the things that I wanted. I was frightened… frightened to imagine what she would do with knowing these things. What it would do to her perception of me… because of what it did to the things I thought of myself.

She touched my shoulder. "I'm sorry that I asked so much."

I placed a hand over hers, squeezing. "You've no reason to be." It was an intense conversation, but not one that I was angry with her for.

"Maybe we should talk about something else."

I sighed in relief. "I would like that." After a moment, I glanced her way. We had spent such a concentrated amount of time speaking about me... "Perhaps I could even get to know Natsuki a bit better..."

When she did speak again it was, of course, to say something I was not expecting. "What do you wanna know?" She said somewhat warily.

A question came to me immediately… one I had wondered about before. "Do you remember when we met?" I was slightly nervous to hear her answer.

She gave me a curious look. "On the elevator?" The fact that she mentioned the elevator made me smile. I wasn't certain she recognized me the next time she saw me.

"What was Natsuki thinking then?"

An embarrassed smirk came to her lips along with a soft puff of a laugh. "Why is she smiling at me? And why is she so close to my face? That was about it. I'm kinda scared to ask what you were thinking…"

"We took the shuttle over together. You were distractingly gorgeous, even if you were ignoring me on purpose."

Eyes rolled at me as she turned a light pink. "It's not like I don't notice that you're beautiful, Shizuru. That was the first thing I noticed about you, but all I could think about was how damn small that elevator was." She had said I was beautiful in that sentence, hadn't she? It was… oddly exciting …even if I'd heard it from others before… even if it was safe to assume there was some mutual physical attraction at this point... even if I still felt somewhat exposed and unhinged by tonight's earlier conversation.

"Did you know the person who chose the piano?"

Her lip curled. "My father donated it."

"You are not close with him?"

"No, Searrs is an ass." She sighed and my eyes widened. Natsuki's father was one of the Searrs'? "I don't know what happened with him and my mom… just that it was a one-time thing. He went back to England and married some model… they had Alyssa. Smith works for him too. She must have told Searrs about my eye. She was pretty upset about it and she's got him wrapped around her finger. She's the only good thing that ever came from him." Alyssa's words about her father being well known suddenly fell into context. "We get the voice from him, but she got that height from her mom." Natsuki was not a short woman, but her sister was a few inches taller and I could see that annoyed her.

"I'm sure you inherited many valuable traits from your own mother."

"I look like her." She glanced at me sidelong. It was a valuable trait indeed. "She died in a car accident up on the cliffs." It surprised me... that she would visit that place so often after what occurred there. "My dog and I were in the car. They both died… and I... didn't."

I watched her, stunned by the revelation and threading our fingers. "It is something you remember then..." I commented more to myself than her, unsettled by the idea.

"Not really." She corrected quietly. "But I dream about it."

"Does Natsuki remember these dreams?"

A nod, as she looked away. "I remember most of my dreams."

That fascinated me, but now was no time to ask her what she dreamt of besides tragedy. "If I can ask… how old were you?"

"Ten." She answered, lips straightening. I would not pity her, but still, it tugged at my heart. Though I wanted to ask more, I believed it would be better if I left the subject alone.

"You must remember her well..." Her eyes were distant as she nodded and I wondered what thoughts were painting themselves across her mind. I would not ask though. "Why did you not tell me what you knew of the HiME project?"

"I didn't want to get you involved."

That made me smile. "I was already involved, was I not?"

"I didn't want you to worry, drag you into it. I didn't think they'd ever dissolve the whole research team. If I thought…"

I touched her cheek and she stopped, staring at me with those clear eyes. "I know."

She angled herself toward me as she had on the roof. "Shizuru…"

"Hmm?" It was spoken quietly and absent of the hint of tease that usually colored it. I was fairly certain what she intended to ask… and the nervousness was vibrating my entire body.

"What's going on with us?" The question terrified me and I wondered if it showed through because she began to turn one of her earrings.

"I have some concerns." She gave me a serious look. "And you do as well," I remarked, unable to stop myself from tucking that same stubborn bit of hair that fell into her eyes back behind her ear… not a stolen touch this time.

My eyelids slid down halfway briefly when she tentatively brushed her nose against the inside of my wrist, her face warm… not an unwelcome touch either.

She sighed, her impossibly green eyes boring into mine. "Not because of you, Shizuru. It was never that." Each time she spoke like this, her honesty surprised me. Her head had been hanging down and it grabbed at my heart when hopeful eyes turned up toward me. "I don't know what to say a lot of the time and I think differently than other people. I seem like I don't care sometimes. I keep thinking what if we do this and it doesn't work then you'll be gone... and it'll change all of this. I don't want that to happen."

There was silence as she waited and I recognized that we were at an impasse of sorts. If I chose not to answer it would likely bolster the separation that still existed between us, but if I was truthful with myself that was not at all what I wanted, despite the fear that was a constant scrape on my skin. "I am concerned that I am not capable of loving you in the way that you deserve … that I will hurt you." It was the most horrifying thing I could imagine and it must've shown on my face.

"Even if you did, I wouldn't ever do what that girl did." I closed my eyes, trying to collect myself. I was surprised at the flash of relief inside me. Had I really thought she'd kill herself if this did not work? It seemed so vain a thought… but perhaps it was simply a fear… a fear of being responsible for another's emotions. When I opened them hers were waiting. She was so sure of it and I nodded.

"I am also concerned that what is between us is wrong for you… because there is a certain unnatural quality to how I feel for you and it might be better for you not to be involved with it."

The doubt cast by Haruka's apology, my father's letter, her acceptance of this… it was all shaking me, threatening something I had believed for so long… and I found myself clinging to it even as it still brought me pain. The reality was I did not want to think so much of what I'd felt was over nothing, over lies, over antiquated belief systems… it undermined the explanations I had for things. I did not want to be the one wronged in any of it. I did not want to be angry about it… I could not endure being angry. The actions I'd allowed myself to take simply because I bought into the baseline corruption of my character would then be choices which meant my responsibility in this did not dissipate… it shifted. I was so terribly conflicted because I always was and in light of all that my father has said, my history was recast in new light and shadow. It no longer was a scene I recognized. Beneath all of that thought was a newly unearthed touch of hope that laced itself inside my chest and screamed its existence so loudly that I could not ignore it… not when she was beside me exciting it further.

She rested her head against the wall of the nook. It rolled against the surface… toward me and her face was contorted in discomfort…eyes watching me …such unhappiness in their depths. "It's not gonna matter how many times or ways you say it to me. That's not how I feel."

I hated that this was troubling her so much and to say such a thing to me… "Kanin-na."

"Stop apologizing." She took her hands and passed them through her hair. When she spoke again it was quiet… lower than before. "Do you think this is wrong?"

Such an important, complex question. I understood it was not only my feelings involved in this bit of our conversation. To try and explain the separation in my thinking, the wall that existed between what I thought of myself and what I thought of others was daunting. To consider who and how she loved required a completely different set of morals for me… because the letter had at least brought me to an understanding that the questions of morality plaguing me existed within the confines of familial honor and not my sense of ethics. I imagined no God shaking a finger at my sins, instead, I saw my mother and father shaking their heads in shame. It was nonsensical, yet felt completely rational…

"What I feel to be true and what I know to be true have always been very separate things Natsuki." Contradictory … yet it was honest. I let myself go as much as I could… allowed what I felt to fall into my eyes, my mouth. So much of what I'd said would indicate that being with her this way, spending time with her… it was something I regretted, felt shame over. It was true and it was not at all true… but how to explain that.

I saw a spark of anxiety flash in her averted eyes. They rolled to me and she swallowed. "What does that mean?"

"It means that when I am with you, my understanding of such things stands in opposition to how I feel. Spending time with you… those moments feel very right to me, more so than most moments in my life. I would say that they are precious even…." She bit her lip as she listened, stealing a glance in my direction. "…and that is what makes this all so difficult to reconcile with what my rational mind would tell me is correct."

Her toes pushed into the bench. "That you have that in your head at all, it doesn't make you angry?"

"I suppose I do not want to be mad about it." Her eyes studied me, as though the answer required deep thought. Perhaps it did… I never wanted to be mad. I avoided it as often as I could… even if I should be.

"Why?"

Because it hurts too deeply was the answer, but I had difficulty bringing myself to speak those words. "Because it is..." Her bright eyes were trained intently on me and I could not tell what she was thinking. I looked down, ashamed but willing to admit the truth of it. "When I am angry... I cannot make that emotion go away. It affects me too strongly. I do not like myself as a person when I am angry. It seems to make the situation worse." I was shocked by how ridiculous and passive it sounded when spoken aloud. I smile and pretend it does not bother me… that was the reality, but I am sure she understood that to some extent. "And I have not found talking about it to be particularly effective." In most cases…

"Most people are half listening. They're just waiting for you to stop talking, so they can start again." Those words were ones that I agreed with… and right now… at this moment… I wondered if she understood what she was to me, a person who listened, that it was the reason I had told her anything in the first place… that she had me in a way no one else ever had.

"I feel fortunate that you keep finding me then," I spoke the words softly. "I am truly grateful." Apprehensive, I looked her way. "All of these things that I am telling you… they do not change your mind?"

"No." She answered immediately. Again I had no response. Her face suddenly fell into an expression of obvious guilt and I felt my stomach twist. "Did they take you off suspension yet?"

"The investigation has yet to conclude, but I am not concerned about it for now."

Her whole body relaxed. "Why?"

"I am finding the thought of doing anything at all besides sitting on this bench with you overwhelming. In all honesty, it has become suddenly difficult to sort out what I do and do not want."

Lips pulled to the side nervously. "Did you want that kiss last night?" She blushed. "The first one, I mean."

I let the breath I was holding leave through my nose, my eyelids and head falling at the admission I was about to make. "I consider kissing you nearly every moment that I spend with you, so yes... I very much wanted it. That I am sure about." I lifted my head to look at her before adding more. "Perhaps the only thing I can be absolutely sure of right now is that I want to kiss you again."

"Shizuru…" She began to say something more but stopped. Instead she leaned toward me, instead, she pressed lips to mine.

Pulling back to look at me, it was those eyes that made me lose myself for a moment. I reached for her at the very same moment that she moved closer, and she ended up in my lap. The shift in position must've startled her… because she gasped into the kiss, but it only lasted a moment as she passed her arm over my shoulder, against the back of my neck…another across my cheekbone and into my hair. With no space between us, her legs pressing on either side of mine, I could not help but hold her closer to me still. We kissed and again I was struck by what I could feel coming from her… that radiating warmth made hot by our proximity. A dizzying mix of emotions swirled inside me with each press of our lips, at the subtle brushing of our bodies caused by our nearness. Our eyes met and I saw something inside hers... something questioning... it made me loosen my grip, but she did not move. This thing between us... all that had happened tonight... it suddenly seemed too simple... had I pushed her? The emotion getting the better of us...

Green bored into me for a silent moment and I waited, quiet. "I want this." She said and I was surprised at the tinge of panic the words I'd longed for evoked. It seemed as though she noticed, her confidence shaky as she tried to keep my gaze bravely. "Do you?"

I looked away, gathering myself. My eyes slipped closed and I felt her beginning to stir. My guilt and my grip on her tightened. Suddenly, I was kissing her with a bit more firmness. I did not say how frightened I was by this. The only word I said, that I could manage was "yes"... whispered into the space between our lips. When we parted it was simply to look at one another.

The two of us engaged in another of the staring contests we seemed to be having tonight. I looked at her curiously. "If we're both a mess, those two cancel each other out. It's the same as not being worried at all." She explained as though it were pure logic.

I laughed softly, because it was one of the more absurd things anyone had ever said to me and because it was so incredibly endearing. The corner of my lips drew upward. "Is that so?"

"Yes."

I took in a deep breath and released it slowly, resting my forehead against the column of her throat. "Tonight has been rather stressful, hasn't it?" I asked... my body finally decompressing, but my mind racing over the decision we'd made.

"I think we have talked enough for tonight."

"Perhaps for several nights," I added.

"Probably." She agreed, pulling away a bit.

My disappointment faded when I noticed the goose bumps on her nape, that had arisen along the path my breath had taken. As I looked at her slightly surprised face… the more subtle indications of exhaustion began to jump out at me, the yellows and browns that still lingered around her eye…all of which stopped the tease on the tip of my tongue. "You are welcome to stay here and rest if you'd like to." I touched her face. "You must be so very tired."

"You're not?" She asked, peering at me with one eye open.

"I am, but you've been awake for far too long. You may rest in my bedroom." Still unsure, my hand hovered in the air for a moment before running along the shell of her ear. A tug of guilt filled me when her open eye slipped closed, almost as if it hypnotized her.

"Come with." She pressed a finger to my lips before I could answer. Her forehead wrinkled and eyelids peeled upward, as I watched in amusement. "I know how that sounds… don't say whatever you were going to."

Nearly smirking, I nodded…placing a kiss on its tip before speaking against her finger. "Only because Natsuki asked so nicely." Eyes widened and then rolled as she climbed off of me. I missed her immediately.

We moved through the necessary evening tasks, including taking her dog outside. I was proud that I kept myself from teasing her about the fact that she'd, luckily enough, had a change of clothes in her car… adorably presupposing. Settling myself in the bed. I observed her as she very cautiously crawled in beside me… stopping next to me… kneeling beside my body an arm's length from my waist. Her head was turned away, shoulders tight.

Natsuki had the most unique body language of any woman I'd ever met… the dichotomy of attachment and aloofness within it confused my senses… its unpredictability… so I smiled in her direction questioningly. Her eyes dropped to the mattress and then she did, laying her head on the pillow beside mine. A hand stretched out immediately to touch my own where it rested by my chin.

I was surprised at her need for physical contact… curled my fingers loosely around her smaller hand. She had stayed so close to me tonight… I did not mind in the slightest, but it was not something I would have predicted. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She mumbled into the pillowcase as she slowly crept fingertips across my palm. I realized it was because she was nervous, but the sensation was so much like a caress.

"Something is still making Natsuki anxious I think." Was it the two of us in this bed I wondered…

"It's stupid."

"I doubt that."

"I was worried that you wouldn't be here tonight." She could not look at me… it kept coming up… her concern that I would leave… disappear… I needed to be mindful of that.

"I promised you, did I not?" I smiled at her when she raised her eyes.

"Shizuru…" She drew her hand away, rolling onto her stomach and lifting her upper body onto her forearms. I felt my throat constrict at the vision she presented… so close to me… in my bed. It was not something I thought I'd ever see…

"Hmm?"

"Promise me something else."

I felt my body tense, but I gave her a smile. "Yes?"

"Tell me when something serious happens … like someone dies, or someone's stalking you, or you get suspended from your job… or all three of those happen at once."

We watched each other for a moment and I was truthful. "I will try my best." She chewed her lip for a moment and I felt my hands twitch lightly. Quickly she leaned over me and dipped down… surprising me by stealing a brief kiss. I shook my head at her and brought her back to me, kissing her soundly… shocked when she let her body come down to brush again mine. A small sigh of a noise snuck past my throat… a noise that was answered with a tiny sound of her own. When she drew back she was a bit pink and stared down at me with wide eyes…

Tearing her gaze away, she laid herself back on the other side of the bed. Looking over at her, even with what her kisses had done to me, I could not help but feel some degree of admiration for her ability to handle the things that I was troubling her with. "You really are incredibly sweet Natsuki."

She frowned, shaking her head. "I don't know why you think that."

"I do have one more question…" She looked wary and I realized she knew from my tone I was about to say something that would make her either embarrassed or uncomfortable, possibly both.

A dark eyebrow lifted distrustfully. "What?"

"Last night you implied that my voice does something to you. 'This' you said… what was it you meant?"

A frown took her lips and a flush took her cheeks. "You know what I meant." Did I? I wondered if my mind was a little too perverse and she'd meant something different than what my mind would guess at.

I pretended confusion. "Would I ask if I knew?"

"Don't play games." She protested with something that almost looked like a pout and I smiled, pressing my lips to the side of her face, to her ear, which caused a delightful little shiver. When I pulled away, she blinked sleepily at me.

"I do want you to tell me if things are progressing too quickly for you."

"You want me to keep you in line." She corrected, the corner of her lips rising. It made me worried, but in quite a different way than I had been prior to this.

I gave her a feigned look of offense. My attraction to her was such a powerful force… it was likely to require some taming from the both of us if it was not to control what was between us. "If that is how you wish to phrase it, yes." I conceded.

"Not possible." A setup…

"Ikezu."

"What am I supposed to do Shizuru? Smack you if you get handsy?" Handsy… what a word… not even a word truly…

"I do believe that I asked that you tell me. Surely violence is not required." It felt wonderful to fall into banter with her… so much more natural than the revealing, painful conversations we'd been having.

"Depends how handsy you get." Far too smug, I thought…

I drew a single finger along her jawline for effect, adopting an expression of innocence. "Perhaps Natsuki would be willing to demonstrate the upper limits of handsy, if only so that I may be better prepared to resist temptation." She was sufficiently flustered and I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of her defeat.

"Idiot." I honestly enjoyed the insult… it had been some time since she'd applied it to me. Strangely enough, I missed it. She burrowed into the pillow and her dog raised his head, an obvious expression of anxiety on it. He calmed when she did not move.

"I am serious though," I whispered.

It took her a little while to answer. "I don't really do fast." Her low voice faded and melted into a yawn against the pillow.

"Sleeping together for two consecutive nights falls under Natsuki's definition of slow?"

She nearly growled at me, slinging the cover over he head. "Go to bed Shizuru."

"Sleep well." I did not expect a response. The duvet crept and shifted beneath the fabric.

Her face appeared again and I did feel a stab of guilt hit me when her lids slipped closed, breathing began to deepen and steady before her blush had entirely faded. I gazed at her… at the few strands that had fallen from her braid and were resting on her cheek again. The intensity of emotion that surged within me was odd. To think her beautiful, to want to kiss her, to want to keep her to myself… those I understood… to want her, to consider waking her in various less than savory ways would not have been out of the ordinary…even for me to act on them, years ago. I had these thoughts still because it was my nature, but they were just a little muted, eclipsed by thoughts of protecting her… shielding her from anything that might disturb her slumber… and those thoughts evoked entirely different feelings…ones with which I wasn't very familiar.

Shakily, I let strands of black hair fall across my fingers. My chest contracted when she snuggled against the pillow, sighing and nuzzling deeper. She was simply the most adorable creature I'd ever encountered.

With her here, all that had happened felt so much further away, as though she made space around it all, space where I could breathe. I looked down the bed to see her small feet, naked and tucked against one another sticking from beneath the blanket… at her dog who was watching me cautiously from the corner of the mattress, tail twitching nervously. He was incredibly distraught when she'd shooed him off the bed, made sounds I had not heard a dog make before and I had said it was fine. He quieted as soon as he was allowed up… could see Natsuki. He clearly did not trust me yet, which I could not blame him for, because I did not trust me either. If I could win over a creature of such instinct… there may be hope for me yet. Perhaps it was something to work on… for the both of us.

Digression #25: Kuga Saeko
Date: June 9th, 1993 … a Wednesday

Everything had fallen apart… everything. She'd worked for so long... over ten years on this project…her entire career and now it was gone. All of this after she'd already compromised her principles for the sake of advancement, for the sake of maintaining control over this thing that was almost like a child to her. The woman still could not believe she'd okayed that first trial, let Homura convince her, let them test it on human beings... an experimental treatment for terminally ill patients teetering on the edge of hope and surrender. She couldn't tell Yamada or Kaiji… convinced herself they couldn't understand, but the truth was that she'd known it was wrong. Just her and Homura, very hush hush and all 15 had died within a month just like the mice. Patchy gray ethics that made her question, made her doubt, made her scared of herself…of the decisions she'd allowed herself to make. How could she know it would happen that way? The mice... yes the mice... they had predicted it and maybe Yamada was right to quit, maybe this wasn't about science anymore. Why had she let Homura steer her so far from her ideas? From the prophylactic route her initial research had concluded was the correct path... the progress and testing she'd already done in that respect. HiME simply didn't work as a treatment and before meeting Homura, she would've told anyone else that pursing it as such was folly. It was too dangerous…inexplicably selective for tumor tissue. Even if she could come up with a different mechanism, that wouldn't be changed. She should've known, she did know... but that man, with his 'lightning in a bottle' talk, his inexplicable persuasiveness, it had turned her mind around. The project was falling apart... a failure, but they wouldn't let it die... too much money, too much time. Homura had taken it all in stride, had taken samples, prepared new tests, written an article which skirted around the actual experiment. He bent the truth and she hadn't been able to bounce back from it. He wanted to try it in healthy test subjects, but curiosity was not a scientific justification and she could not support it. The control mice had shown some interesting results when given the serum. They appeared more alert, sharper, but also displayed an unexpected increase in aggression.

She was shaken by all of this in a way she had never been before and she didn't realize he had pinned the trial on her, had set it all up so that he could walk away and she would be fired. Everything gone, everything... not everything... she had a child, didn't she? She had Natsuki. Natsuki... the little girl sitting behind her… scratching at a dog twice her size. Her hair was in pigtails and those big bright eyes were nervous because they were going fast weren't they? Fast enough for centrifugal force, for bodies being pulled across seats even held in their safety belts.

How had she ever had a child? She never planned to... but that man…that handsome, serious man had come into her laboratory all confidence and she'd done something so out of character, so completely stupid. Never had she considered his proposed solution though. It was not in her to do… to terminate the pregnancy and she had never explored the whys of it, which was also so very unlike her. None of this was to say that she was unhappy with her child. Saeko loved Natsuki more than she thought herself capable of loving another person.

That little being she'd made from her own body … the flesh of her flesh with her eye color, but thankfully her father's superior vision. Such a similar face to her own… similar hair. The child loved her illogically… loved her for no reason other than the fact that she'd birthed her… loved her openly and powerfully. It was strange because she felt the same irrational love. Love that came from nowhere… hormones… oxytocin some studies indicated… but anyone who'd ever felt such love knew there was something more to it… something beyond scientific quantification. Having a child had been such an unexpectedly rewarding and wonderful experience. She'd been so secure for so much of their life… been able to provide. Saeko had never considered a life where they struggled, wanted for anything.

Now a nagging possibility unearthed in the loss of her purpose tugged at her... the possibility that she'd ruined their life. She had no job. The house was paid for... but they would need other things. She didn't want to start over… didn't want to work her way up again… didn't want to give up everything...didn't want... this. Saeko had sacrificed so much already... had never tried to find a father for Natsuki, had raised her as a single mother... a single mother devoted to her work.

She gazed in the rearview mirror at the girl, wondering how badly she'd already wounded the child, what irreparable damage she may have unknowingly wrought in her frenzy to perfect the serum. She had only considered the happier side of things and now it felt as though failures were leaping at her from the rafters. Was the child lonely? Did she feel loved? Did she feel different without a father? Was Duran really her best friend as she had claimed this morning? Was that a bad thing? And was all of this her fault? Was it her genes... the obsessive dedication to a cause? The anxiety in relating to others socially that now manifested at school? That desire to do everything alone, be alone, work alone, play alone and yet still feel so achingly separate? Had all of that been passed on, hiding in strands of DNA while the tiny cells split, wrapped up, formed in her womb? Was every deficit in her character waiting in genes yet to be expressed? What right did she have to pass these flaws on? What was hers and what was taught? If taught by her, was it still hers? What did nature versus nurture matter when she'd given the nature and provided the nurture?

She thought of Kaiji, of his fumbling attempts to ask her out... over and over. She had the HiME serum and he had her, both one-sided love affairs. Guilt plagued her as she imagined him feeling as beaten down by her refusals as she was by the failed introduction mechanisms. It wouldn't have killed her to go out with him once. He was so good to Natsuki, had bought her a stuffed dog when she was younger that she shook as though convinced that with enough force something wonderful would fall out of it. She called him her uncle... he was a good man, but she just... didn't think of him. Didn't ever think of men in that way... even when they thought of her. Romance was an extravagance, at times an annoyance. Her life was science and her daughter and she was happy. Wasn't she? It was hard to tell anymore. She did not need anyone, had never needed anyone… but did that also mean she did not want someone to share her life with?

The car they were in accelerated faster through the darkness, heavy foot and headlights casting their glow upon the abandoned road as bend after bend appeared in front of them. The hills of Fuuka with their sharp, steep cliffs jumped from out of the night, rocks like teeth pulling apart a starry sky, ocean smell in the air. Saeko found herself overcome by a nonsensical solution... if she could just drive forever if she just never stopped everything would be fine... nothing would catch up with them. If she could just keep driving... a new obsession... keep driving faster... quicker around the bend...almost like flying… and suddenly…horribly they were.

Aside #25: What to Wear (Conversation)

"Duran!" The Shiba Inu was screaming, crying, sounding as though he were being murdered as he struggled in Natsuki's grip.

"What're you doing to him?" Alyssa asked, part amused and part scared, leaning a hand on the frame of the door.

"Nothing! He's being a damn baby." As if on cue, the dog released an anguished yell. To the observer, it looked as though the shampoo being applied was composed solely of acid.

"Did he get another pen?" He had a strange affinity for gnawing on writing implements, which kept them on alert for stray markers or ballpoints. The ones with the rubber grip were his favorite.

"No." She aimed the spray at him and he jumped as though being shot, whimpering pathetically. "I'm taking him with me tonight and I didn't want him to stink."

Alyssa smiled to herself. "Where're you off to, then? Somewhere with Shizuru-san?"

Natsuki kept her eyes trained on the squirming dog and nodded. The tension was surrounding her like an aura. "I don't really know how long I'll be. Just text me if you need me."

"I was gonna go to Akira and Takumi's anyway." The young blonde slid down the molding to sit in the doorway. "How is she? I haven't seen her in awhile."

"She's okay. Whoa." Grabbing the creature, mid-escape attempt she forced him back into the tub, while he quivered miserably. She shot her sister a look. "Thanks for the opera."

"You didn't like it?" A scowl. "You've been spending a lot of time with her."

"Sorry."

"Why're you sorry, Nat?"

"I don't want you alone this much."

"You're busy, it's fine."

"We should play before I go." She was referring to a video game, her younger sister knew.

Alyssa smiled. "Only if I get to pick your outfit tonight when I win."

A scoff. "When?"

"I've been practicing, Nao's been 'round a lot."

A raised eyebrow. "Nao's not that good Alyssa."

"We'll see."

"Deal, DURAN!" Globs of conditioner blanketed the wall of the bathroom… one hitting Natsuki in the forehead. She wiped it away and sighed. Quickly she finished washing him, wrapping him in a towel and cradling him like an infant "You're so bad…" She nearly cooed at him as she rubbed him down with it… so gentle. It always surprised Alyssa to see her sister be so openly loving… made her wonder if she'd ever have a niece or nephew that wasn't covered in fur.

The young woman covered her mouth, laughing softly, "That's some serious discipline."

Natsuki glared lightly. "He's been punished enough. He hates baths."

The blonde laughed as the animal was placed on the floor, one last rub down… vigorous this time. The towel was lifted and the dog took off like a canine rocket making a racket as he charged down the stairs to the first floor. "Nat?"

The dark-haired woman looked up from where she was toweling pools of water from the floor… foot guiding the fabric. "What?"

A serious look and she stood again, a bit closer to her sister… leaning on the wall this time. "You could tell me if you were dating someone… I wouldn't care who it was, I'd just be happy 'cause you're happy."

Natsuki froze mid-swipe. "I'm not." Her face turned a shade to match the blonde's.

"Oh."

A deep exhale. The woman was incredibly nervous. "That might change."

Blue eyes brightened. "That's brilliant!" Alyssa laughed through her embarrassment and threw her arms around her sister, who startled at the hug but returned it.

"Brilliant, huh?" A surprised glance and a grip on her ear.

"It's Shizuru-san."

A smile… small and slightly hesitant. "Guess you like her."

Alyssa smiled. "Mm!"

She nodded and then frowned, expression anxious again. "Duran's not gonna let her touch him."

"You always get so worried about Duran."

"He makes such a bad first impression." Alyssa recognized that it was about more than the dog, but said nothing.

"He's just a shy thing. She'll understand. Come on! Let's go play, I wanna pick your outfit." The girl bit her lip mischievously. "You're gonna have a shower, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Not to sound dodgy, but shave your legs."

Eyes rolled. "I'm not going naked, that's not a damn outfit. You've been spending way too much time with Nao."

"No such thing pup." A voice broke in.

"When the hell did you get here?" They all knew Nao didn't like to speak English. The switch was natural for them.

The woman shrugged. "I was taking a nice nap on the couch before your sopping wet mongrel decided to jump all over me."

"…I was thinking maybe a skirt." Alyssa added, smirking over at the redheaded woman… at the damp spot that covered the thighs of her pants and part of her shirt.

Natsuki's face flamed. "Oh."

"A skirt?" She asked, studying her friend. "What the hell for?"

"She's going to Shizuru-san's. Don't you think she should let me pick her outfit?"

"Just toss a damn bow on her and throw her out of the car bare-assed. Edible present… what every girl who does girls wants."

Another flare of color and she shoved the redhead out of the way. Natsuki stomped off down the hall thoroughly embarrassed.

Bored eyes followed her retreating form, a devilish smirk on her lips. "Something I said?"

"Be nice or I'll sit on your lap again!" Alyssa called as she trotted off after her sister, a slight redness on her own cheeks but a wide smile on her lips. A reaction like that? Natsuki was definitely a mess of nerves...

"Guess you really do take after her." The young blonde stopped at the top of the stairs and turned around. She glared lightly before she brought two fingers to her lips and whistled.

An orange dog, spikes of damp fur covering his body, bounded up the stairs. "Duuurrraann!" He jumped frantically, readying himself… the adrenaline from his harrowing bathtime ordeal still fresh.

Nao stared at her, furious. "Fuck no!"

"Good boy! Duran!" His head snapped back and forth as he searched for the cause of her excitement. She swung both hands toward the bathroom. "Duran…go get Nao!" Command obeyed and with gusto.

Alyssa hopped gleefully down the steps to the sound of a woman swearing her head off. She did not win against her sister, but Natsuki allowed her to consult on outfit selection nonetheless. The hair in a braid was her doing at least.