Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.

25. People to see and a prozzie to prank

12:40 pm

'OI! NEW KID!' Oh no...

The Barmy Army all looked around.

1 minute later

The voice had been tres tres threatening...

But its owner was no taller than Big Gob Mark's midget girlfriend.

Dave and the rest of the Barmy Army laughed.

'What's so funny?'

1 minute later

'He's challenging you to a fight.'

Rollo's response made me gulp. I couldn't fight him.

Dave stepped in.

'Paul... Bugger off.'

Paul backward as Dave got to his feet.

'Dave keep out of this. He can speak for himself.'

'Indeed. But instead of trying to duff up the new kid, why don't you concentrate on growing a pair?'

'I've already called it. Rules are rules.'

2 minutes later

We've attracted an audience.

'Fight... fight... fight...'

Have I mentioned that I hate being a bloke? Give me Wet Lindsey any day.

'Do you know what I think? Davey here's on the turn.' All the guys gasped before starting to make fun.

1 minute later

Ekk... Someone pushed me into Dave. Dave caught me.

That's when the baseball cap fell off my head... And there was silence.

8 minutes later

'HE'S A GIRL!'

'Is Kittykat alright?' I nodded.

There was a group 'Ooo...' from our audience.

Dave looked at Paul.

'Now back to your rules. You challenge my Kittykat and you fight me.'

Everyone looked at Paul.

1 minute later

Paul is being placed in the dumpster by the Barmy Army.

I'm sat on Dave's lap. Everyone is staring at us.

'Why do they stare?'

'Because Kittykat gorgey.' I blushed. 'But they're too scared to challenge the Vati, so Kittykat is safe.'

1 minute later

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

1:05 pm

'DAVID!'

Woopies... Darren caught us snogging.

Dave turned a little red.

'Stop calling me David.' Darren laughed.

'Just get to class.'

1:10 pm, PE with Gorgey Darren

I had to change in Darren's office, because I wasn't allowed in the boys changing rooms. Dave the Cheeky Cat had brought Millie's old Stalag 14 PE kit with us. I was about to go out and join the boys in a short netball skirt and tight polo shirt. This wouldn't be fabbity.

1 minute later, Sports Hall

The boys were warming up... I hope Darren doesn't make me do the warm up. Push ups would mean my nunga-nungas will just drag along the floor. I didn't even put a sports over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder on this morning.

Darren smiled at me.

'Okay Gee... You can just do a quick lap around the hall and some stretches.'

5 minutes later

The boys are trying to look up my skirt whilst I'm stretching. Darren hasn't noticed. The worst offender is my own horn partner. I would have to punish him later... Oo-er.

2:40 pm

PE with the boys was such a laugh.

I'm el crappo badminton even with Dave's help.

And when we played doubles with Tom and Rollo: I tripped Dave over.

We'd finished five minutes early, so Darren let me sit in the boys changing room to wait for the bell.

All the boys are still staring at me.

1 minute later

Rollo's just seen that the Ace Gang are waiting at the gate.

Rollo, Tom, Dec and Ed disappeared into the wazzarium. Dave laughed.

'Kittykat has to see this.'

1 minute later

Laughing like a loon. Tom, Dec, Ed and Rollo are squabbling over a mirror whilst trying to fix their hair.

'The Barmy Army are worse than the Ace Gang.' Dave went to pull the Barmy Army away from the mirror.

He had a quick look at himself. I laughed.

'Dave you're so vain.'

'Am not. The Vati always looks gorgeous.' I just giggled.

2:45 pm

Watching Rollo, Tom, Dec and Ed walk to the gate.

They all did a vair tough guy walk.

Dave's killing himself with laughter.

1 minute later

The Ace Gang are snogging the Barmy Army.

Dave and I walked over to them.

1 minute later

Snogging Dave.

'Davey, your handbag's showing.'

Bugger... I forgot that I'm still George the Laugh.

1 minute later

The Ace Gang have gone goldfish.

'But... he... well... he... he's... like... erm... dating Gee.' Surprisingly this wasn't Ellen. It was Jazzy.

Jools wasn't much better.

'Gee... like... Gee's gonna... She'll... like... be so heartbroken.'

RoRo had pulled out her beard.

'Hmmm...'

3 minutes later

I couldn't keep a straight face. I had to laugh.

'GEORGIA!' I removed the baseball cap.

'Surprise my bestest pallies.'

'You loon. You scared us. We thought we'd have to tell you that Dave's a two timer.'

She hit me: Ellen spoke.

'Erm... Like... I... What... I mean... What are you... like... doing?'

'Arr... Kittykat has been an honorary bloke for the day. She has learnt much.' I nodded.

'Yep. So much... In fact we need an Ace Gang meeting.'

The guys' faces were hilarious when they realised, I was going to tell the Ace Gang everything.

10 minutes later, Jas' bedroom

The Barmy Army have gone home because they're not welcome at the Ace Gang meeting. We're sat on Jas' bed: RoRo's wearing her beard.

'Don't keep us waiting Gee.' I laughed.

'Sorry. Where should I start?'

'The beginning. We want to hear everything.'

'Okay. I asked Dave what Foxwoods was like and he said he'd show me the ways of the trouser snake...' The Ace Gang giggled. 'I became George the Laugh for the day.'

'You were vair convincing?'

'Indeed. I fouled the Barmy Army too... And Mabs you need to have a little chat with Ed. I'm not sure what it is but he's having a nervy b. about something.'

Mabs' face fell. 'Oh...'

'Don't worry it didn't sound serious.'

I went on to tell the Ace Gang about Ms. Star, Madame Kiss and the Barmy Army's wazzarium performance.

9 minutes later

'And their headmaster is so gorgy.' The Ace Gang giggled.

'GEORGIA!'

'What Jazzy?'

'YOUR RED BOTTOM!'

'Does... Erm... like... well... does... does... I mean... Dave knows... you... like... found him... cute?'

'Not sure. I went jelliod in front of him though. He has vair marvy green eyes.'

1 minute later

Jas is giving me evils.

'Jazzy Spazzy don't be a div. It's not like I'm going to ditch Dave for a thirty year old man. That's like tres tres gross.' RoRo is stroking her beard.

'Hmmm...'

'Moving on. Snogging Scale update: RoRo, Jas and I are at number 10, so we can't climb higher. Jools?'

'Still 9. Rollo said we'd take the next step slow. Ellen?'

'Erm... I... I... I mean... 8.'

'Wow. El, when did that happen?'

'Err... I... We... Dec... He... like came... he... stayed... the other day... over mine... we... like... erm... watched... movies... It... It... just... like... sorta... happened... He was... erm... all... like... cute... and nice... about... like...'

5 minutes later

Ellen dithered for another five minutes, before flushing bright red.

We turned to Mabs: Mabs gulped.

'Well... Erm...' Mabs burst into tears.

1 minute later

Poor Mabs. She and Ed had a fight last night.

She was in no state to tell us what they fought about. She just blubbered.

Jas sat stroking Mabs hair.

'Hey it'll be alright.'

3:40 pm

RoRo had disappeared. She reappeared with a certain Edward over her shoulder. He was struggling.

'ROSEMARY! PUT ME DOWN!'

1 minute later

RoRo dropped Ed.

'Sven's a very bad influence on you.' Ed got to his feet.

He's noticed Mabs: his face has fallen. 'Mabs...'

He didn't say anything else. He knelt down in front of her.

She leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck.

His arms went around her waist. He whispered into her ear. 'I'm sorry.'

3 minutes later

Ed took Mabs home.

4:02 pm

Mutti and Vati didn't even wonder where I'd gone.

Such caring parents I have.

1 minute later, my bedroom

'GEORGIA! HONEY CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE PLEASE!'

'WHY!'

'WE WANT TO TALK!'

Bugger... What have I done now?

6 minutes later

Gadzooks... They've give me hundred squid to spend on a dress tomorrow.

'We've been very impressed with your maturity lately.'

Hmmm... I'm wondering if they have another daughter or possible that I have an identical twin which I don't know about. Or perhaps that don't remember meeting my Davey.

1 minute later, my bedroom again

I graciously accepted the hundred squid.

1 minute later

Ringing Davey.

'Kittykat... Can't stay away, can you?' I giggled.

'Hey Davey.'

'Kittykat, how many times must I tell you that I don't do phone sex?'

'But I'm the Sex Kitten: you'll make an exception for moi.'

Dave laughed.

'What does Kittykat require from the Hornmeister?'

'Kittykat requires an ear... but not like that Van Gogh bloke: I don't want it through the post.'

'Luckily for Kittykat, the Hornmeister is all ears.' I laughed.

'Dave you're such a loon.'

'Indeed... Is this going to take long, because the Biscuit is rather busy?'

'Busy with what?' Not sure if I wanted to know.

'I have people to see and a prozzie to prank.'

'What?'

'Your little trip into the world of the trousers snake has put Jack behind on his pranks.'

4 minutes later

Dave's pranks for Foxwoods tomorrow.

1. Mistress Star is getting a toad infested classroom. Payback, well that's what Dave called it.

2. He's going to put hot sauce in the meat loaf surprise.

3. And the entire student body is going on strike until Darren lets them wear skirts.

Why do I have a loon as a horn partner?

1 minute later

Oh yeah... because I'm also a loon.

A.N. Would just like to thank my reviews, they're all amazing. Roxanne the Laugh... 3