Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story, with the exclusion of a few, belong to the wonderful Stepenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series.

Calli stood outside the door and took a deep breath. She reached for the handle and then dropped her hand and resumed her pacing.

Every time she reached for the door she just couldn't do it. She was afraid of what this would open up.

The night before last had torn open wounds she had always meant to keep closed. She buried that part of her life a long time ago. She never wanted to have to deal with it, to confront it.

But after that night, after everyone found out, she didn't feel like she had much of a choice. That part refused to stay hidden now. It felt like it was clawing its way out.

So that's why she was here, standing outside of her mother's hospital room. She had never really planned on seeing her again. She left three years ago and had only seen her a handful of times since then. They were never pleasant; she doubted this visit would be either.

But Calli knew she needed to be here now. She had thought about it for endless hours after getting the call. Her mother was dying. Before that happened she knew she needed to close this once and for all.

She wasn't doing this for her mother. She didn't love her anymore; she couldn't recall if she had ever loved her much at all. She couldn't say she was sad or upset that she was dying. She barely knew the woman, and what she did know she wished she didn't. But it was like the situation was a door Calli needed to close now, while she still had the chance.

She had no idea how her mother would react to seeing her. She thought that there was a chance she might not even recognize her. As long as Calli could remember she had been drunk or high. She didn't think that much of anything had changed in the last three years.

Calli stopped pacing and stood in front of the door again. She reached her hand out but dropped it quickly. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew she needed to get this over with. She wasn't leaving until she went in there.

Finally she just reached out and opened the door. She stepped slowly inside. There was a wall directly to her right that extended in front of her so she couldn't yet see the bed.

She took a deep breath and walked along the wall, finally coming to the end of the short hall. To the right there was a hospital bed.

And on the bed was a shriveled version of her mother. She hardly recognized her. She looked so old, though Calli knew she was only thirty seven. It amazed her to think of that; this woman looked as if she was were at least in her fifties. She was tiny; Calli guessed less than a hundred pounds. Her face was slightly wrinkled and very tired looking. Her skin had a yellow tint to it. Her hair was scraggly and now had some gray running through it.

Calli remembered back to her childhood. Her mother drank and did drugs then too, but she still had some of her natural beauty left then. She had been about five foot eight, with long, thick brown hair and dark brown eyes. Although she didn't have dark skin, her skin did have a slight olive tone to it. She had been at least twenty pounds heavier than she was now. Calli didn't look much like her.

But the woman in front of her barely resembled that picture. This woman looked like she could be her grandmother. She had her eyes on the tv, watching some kind of game show. She didn't even notice Calli when she first came in. Finally she must have spotted her from the corner of her eye, because her head jerked in Calli's direction and she just stared, her jaw dropping slightly.

"Calli," she finally croaked out. It wasn't a question or a statement of surprise; it was just a fact, said simply in a raspy voice.

Calli just stood there looking at her, saying nothing.

Her mom reached over to the side of the bed and pressed a button to raise the top portion until she looked as if she were sitting. She turned off the tv and continued staring at Calli.

"I didn't really think you would come," she said, still in the raspy voice that Calli figured must be pretty permanent.

"Well I don't really want to be here," Calli said in a dull voice.

"Didn't figure you did," she replied, looking away and focusing on a spot on the wall.

"I'm surprised you even remembered that number."

"About one of the only things I do really remember too well."

"Lucky you," Calli said icily.

"So why are you here?" she asked, turning her eyes back to Calli.

"Because there are things I need to put behind me before you die," Calli replied, looking her straight in the eye.

"Yeah…I guess that's fair. Well, go ahead. I promise to answer best I can."

Calli took a deep breath. She felt like there were a million things to say. Part of her wanted to scream; the other part wanted to ask all the questions she felt she needed answered. She decided it would probably be best, at least for now, to go with the questions. She walked to the chair in the room and sat down. "What happened to you?"

"You mean how'd I get sick? I woulda thought it was obvious."

"No, that's not what I mean. I lived with you for fourteen years and I don't know anything about you. Why are you the way you are? What happened to you?"

Her mother sighed and began coughing. She composed herself and then answered. "Guess it would be better if I had some kind of sob story, beatings, broken home and all that. But I don't. I grew up in Idaho…my daddy owned a farm there. I was a farm girl. Had two brothers and two sisters, I was four of five. Lived on that farm my whole life. I hated it there. It was so boring. I just had big dreams of gettin' outta there and into a big city. After I graduated I just took off, came to Seattle. I was seventeen, same age as you. I never went back, never even talked to 'em again. I just took a bunch of crap jobs out here, never really did too much with myself I guess…" she trailed off.

Calli just stared at her in amazement. It was a few minutes before she could speak. "You know what, let's just forget the fact that I'm your damn daughter and I didn't know any of that. What did you just tell me that explains what you were…what you are? The things you did?" she said angrily.

"Don't know, I suppose. I wasn't always like that. I did ok my first year or so. Not great, I was dirt poor, but I did ok. I was young, pretty naïve too. Big city life wasn't all I thought it'd be. Then I met your daddy and…"

Calli's head jerked up. "Wait. Are you telling me you know who my father is? You always told me when I was little that you didn't know."

"Wasn't much to tell. I know who he was. I could tell you what he looked like, his first name and all that. But I didn't know him too well. Couldn't give you anything that woulda helped you find him."

Calli blinked a few times, looking a little dazed.

"Anyways, I met him. He was my big city dream guy I was waitin for. At least I thought he was. But he wasn't around for too long. Took off before I even knew I was pregnant with you."

Her mother stared at her for a minute, scrutinizing her. "You look a lot like him. Well, you always looked more like him than you did me. But now that you're older. Damn, you just look so much alike. Too good looking for your own good. He was like that too. People just stared at him, couldn't pull their eyes away."

She paused for a minute before going on. "I was pretty sad when he left. Devastated, I guess. When I found out I was havin' you, I just didn't know what to do. Thought about goin' home, but I couldn't imagine my folks bein' too happy at havin' me back. So I stayed, workin' all the time through the pregnancy, and the whole first year after you were born. But I was always kinda depressed, I guess." she sighed. "And I guess that's kinda what led up to everything else."

Calli looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Do you even remember the crap that happened when I was a kid?"

"I guess I don't remember it in too much detail. I remember enough to know it was some bad stuff."

"Some bad…stuff?" Calli practically hissed. "You left home because you were bored with your poor farmer girl life. I left so I wouldn't get beat to freaking death! So I didn't have to hold a pillow over my head to block out the sounds of you and some guy! So I didn't have to worry about what that guy might do to me! That's not just some bad stuff!"

Thunder roared loudly outside and Calli's eyes darted to the window. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself down.

"I'm not proud of all the stuff I've done. I look at my life and I'm not too sure how it got to where it got. So I guess I don't have too much of an explanation for you."

Calli opened her eyes and looked at her mother, saying nothing.

"I wasn't ready for a kid. Probly shoulda given you up. Or gone back to my folks. I wish I could go back and do some things different. But I can't."

"No, you can't," Calli spat at her.

She just sighed. "But you look like you're doin' alright for yourself."

"Don't think for one second that you contributed to that whatsoever. I moved out when I was fourteen! Do you know what that's like? No, because your parents actually took care of you. You know, it would have made a lot more sense if you had something, anything, terrible in your life. But there wasn't! Not that you've told me, at least. It was just boring. Well, you know what? I would have taken your boring life any day over the one you gave me!"

Her mother just looked away, saying nothing.

Calli took a deep breath. "What was his name?"

"Huh?" her mother asked, confused.

"My father. What was his name?"

"James."

"Anything else?"

"Didn't know much about him. Can't really tell you anything else."

Calli waited a few minutes before speaking again. "So is this the first time you've been sober?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Not a lotta fun the first few days. But it's a little better now."

Calli looked at her, scrutinizing, debating. "Was it worth it? Any of it? The drinking, the drugs, the men. Was any of it worth it?"

"I don't have much to compare it to. I remember when I was young and I would think what my life was gonna be like when I got away, when I came to the city. When I think of those things, when I think of maybe watchin' you grow up and raisin' you right, I guess it wasn't. Guess it's just hard to imagine myself with any other kinda life than the one I had."

"And now that you're dying? Now how do you feel?"

"Not too much of anything, I suppose. I got some regrets. I'm not sad about it or anything like that. I don't have much to stick around for. It's kind of a relief in some ways."

"Why? Do you think you're going somewhere better?"

"I don't know about better. Probly easier though. Don't you? Don't you wonder about where you'll go when you die?"

Calli almost laughed out loud at the irony in that. "No, not really."

"Well, the doctor doesn't think I got too much time left. Maybe another couple weeks."

"Yeah, I know."

"How do you feel about it? What do you think?"

Calli looked her mother right in the eye. "Nothing. I don't feel anything. I hardly even know you…we demonstrated that perfectly today. I learned to live without you when I was just a little girl. It's not much of a change for me."

"No. Didn't really expect much more than that."

Calli swallowed hard before she asked the next question. "Did you…" She paused, finding it difficult to go on. Her mother just looked at her. "Did you even love me?" she finally got out in a rushed voice.

Her mother stared at her for a long time before answering. "When you were a baby, first born, I would hold you and look at you. I kept waitin' for that mothering instinct, or whatever it is, to kick in."

She looked down at the floor. "It never did. I think, then, and for a long time, it was easier for me to tell myself that there was somethin' wrong with you than admit there was somethin' wrong with me. Just wasn't in me, I guess."

Calli sat for a long time, breathing hard, not really sure how she felt about that. She decided to just change the subject instead of pursuing it.

"Are your things still in the apartment?" she finally asked.

"Yeah, they're there. I only been here a couple weeks. I was just gonna call the landlady and tell her to clear the place out."

"I'll go and tell her today."

There was silence in the room for a few minutes.

"I don't know that there's much more for us to say to each other," Calli said.

"No, I guess there isn't."

Calli stood. "I won't be coming back."

Her mother sighed. "I know you won't."

Calli began walking to the door.

"Calli?"

Calli turned to look at her.

"Are you happy?" she asked quietly.

Calli just stared for a minute before answering. "All things considered? Yeah, I'm pretty happy."

Her mother stared back, her face impassive. "I'm glad."

Calli kept staring for a minute before responding. "I forgive you. Not because I think you deserve it, or because you're dying. But because I can't go for the rest of eternity hating you."

"Eternity's a long time. Don't you mean the rest of your life?"

Calli smiled a small, sad smile. "It is a long time. That's why I'm here. Bye mom." And she walked out of the room.

She made it out of the hospital before all the emotion caught up with her. She felt like she might explode. She sat down on a bench, putting her head in her hands and breathing deeply.

It took a long time for her to calm her nerves to a reasonable level; even then she felt terrible. She made her way shakily to her car and got in, just sitting there for awhile, her head leaning on the steering wheel.

After sitting there like that for quite a bit she started the car and took the familiar streets to her mother's apartment. She made her way slowly up the stairs and just stood outside of the door, staring.

She wasn't sure how she would feel being inside. Her mother had been in this apartment for as long as she could remember. She finally inserted the key she had always kept into the lock and opened the door.

The place was just as dingy as she remembered, the furniture old and worn. But just as always, everything was in its exact place. That was the only thing she could think of that she had gotten from her mother. They were both extremely meticulous about everything being in its place. This had always amazed her growing up, that someone like her mother was so neat.

She stepped inside and closed the door. She walked around the small front room, examining everything she remembered from her childhood; nothing had changed. Memories tried to push their way out; memories she didn't want to face. She shoved them out of her mind, not sure she could deal with those too.

She walked into the one bedroom and just stood in the middle of the room, staring. Finally she went to the closet and began making her way through her mother's things. She found a box of papers and pulled out the ones she felt she should keep.

She went through everything in the place, but didn't find much. All she decided to keep were the papers she found. She walked over to the tattered couch and sat down, putting her head in her hands and breathing deeply once again.

It hurt. As much as she didn't want it to, as much as she didn't want to admit it, it hurt her. Everything that had happened to her at her mother's hands was as resolved as it was ever going to be. But Calli still didn't feel like she had any real answers. She expected her mother to give her a story like she had. Calli felt like that would at least make some kind of sense of it all.

But her mother's life had been nothing like her own. And she didn't understand how it turned out the way it had.

She lay back on the couch and closed her eyes, trying to force the thoughts that made her head feel like exploding to go away. She breathed deeply and tried to push them back.

She began relaxing a little and kept taking deep, calming breaths, surprised she actually felt sort of comfortable in this place. It held so many painful things for her that she never thought she'd be able to relax here.

Calli was walking through the forest along a now familiar path. When she got to the clearing there was no one there. She just stood there, waiting, until other Calli came and joined her.

"Where is he?" Calli asked.

Other Calli smiled. "He's not here."

"Why not?"

"Well, actually," other Calli began conspiratorially, leaning over to whisper in her ear, "you are sort of worrying him."

"Because I know now what he was doing? In my head, I mean."

"Oh no, he knew you would figure that out eventually."

"Well then why?"

"Mmm, I can't really tell you that. But I think you can figure it out," she said, smiling wide.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"You took my advice. You have been practicing very hard."

"I guess so."

"Calli, your day is very close. I don't know if you're ready. I don't know if you ever can be."

"What day? I don't understand. Can't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry. But there are others…they know what I speak of, even if they don't exactly know that they know it."

"You're not making any sense to me."

Other Calli turned Calli to face her, putting both hands on her shoulders. "I won't be here much longer. Listen to me. You are going to have tough times ahead of you. You need to make the right decisions. Your head will tell you one thing while your heart tells you another. Make sure you listen to the right one. If you don't, you may not get through this."

"What do you mean? Which one should I listen to then?"

"You know. You may not think you do, but you do. Listen. Always be sure to listen. Not just to me. To the others. They're in your life for a reason. And they will tell you things for a reason. Listen to them Calli." She turned to walk away.

"Wait!"

Other Calli turned slightly. "No more waiting Calli. My time with you is coming to an end, and I will have to be going."

"But you're a part of me!"

Other Calli gave her a small smile. "Yes. But not the part that belongs to you." She turned and disappeared into the forest.

Calli just stood in the clearing, waiting; but nothing happened. No one ever came. She began walking into the forest.

Calli woke with a start. She sat up quickly, looking around in confusion. She thought she might still be dreaming until she remembered that she had come to her mother's apartment.

She stood up and walked into the small kitchen, looking at the clock. One a.m.! She went to the door quickly to leave, and then remembered that she was supposed to tell the landlady about the apartment. She went back to the kitchen to get a pen and paper and wrote her a quick note, taping it to her door as she hurried to her car.

She drove as quickly as she dared back to Forks, spending the time analyzing her dream. It had to have been one of the most uneventful ones she had experienced in a long time.

The man had not even come. Other Calli told her the man was worried. But she didn't understand why. She hardly understood anything that she had said. That was the first time she slept since she had told Carlisle about the dreams. She was sure he wouldn't be too happy that she had, even if the man hadn't made an appearance.

The whole way home she tried to make sense of what other Calli had told her, but she couldn't. She wondered over and over again what this big day was that Calli kept warning her about.

By the time she pulled up to the house her head felt like it couldn't fit one more thing. Between the day with her mother and the dreams she couldn't make sense of, she felt like it might burst. She got out of the car and began making her way slowly to the porch, hoping no one would be waiting to question her.

"Calli," she heard a deep voice say.

She turned around to see a man standing there. He was kind of in the shadows, making it a little hard to see him. Calli could tell he looked a lot like Jacob, but he was smaller, and she could see his hair was much shorter.

"Yes," she said, almost hesitantly. "Who are you?"

He stepped out of the shadows. She could now see his face. He had an angry, almost menacing expression.

"I'm Paul."