A/N: Little bit of a warning here – this one gets slightly more angsty than usual and there is mention of child abuse.
And Happy Birthday yesterday to faithful reader, JoeCool701. She got an early read yesterday to help her celebrate. Hope it was a great day!
25 – Swapping Favors
"Howdy handsome, how's your lunch going?"
"Umm, hi, this is a surprise...hang on." Veronica waited patiently while she heard Logan make an excuse to Duncan and the rest of the 09er lunch table and move somewhere more private to take her call. "Okay, I'm back. Couldn't make it through the rest of the day without talking to me, huh? I get it, I do. I'm a very miss-able guy."
Veronica huffed out a laugh. "Not really the reason for this call but if agreeing gets your cooperation then yeah, miss ya, baby."
"Oh, nice. You just want something. All right, fine. I can be in the janitor's closet in the East Hall in fifteen minutes. But it's gonna have to be quick."
She laughed again. "Unfortunately, no, that's not the favor I'm looking for today." She stopped and looked around to make sure she was still alone. "So, how committed are you to your classes for the rest of the day?"
"I could probably be persuaded to cut but if it's not involving you and the janitor's closet..."
"It's not. It's a favor for Wallace."
"No favors involving Wallace and the janitor's closet."
"No, no, eww, no. Stop that. Can you stop quipping for a minute and just listen to me?" She shook her head and switched the phone to her other ear. "So, the stables at your house. Does anything actually live there?"
"What? No, not for a couple of years. Mom had that stupid alpaca in there for about a month but it spit so she gave it to a petting zoo or something."
"Since the space is vacant, do you think anyone would notice if something got stashed there for a day or two?"
Logan's response was sarcastic. "Ya know, if Wallace is running away from home and needs a place to crash, I can probably let him stay in the house. He doesn't have to hide in the stables."
"Very funny. Look, Wallace has the Pan High goat—" there was a hoot of laughter from Logan "—and it's already eaten his mom's guest house and his buddy's van. I'm thinking maybe your stables might be a better place for a goat to spend a night or two."
Logan was still laughing on the other side of the phone. "Oh, that's hilarious. I suppose I do owe him since he shared one of his cookies. Hey, I bet I can get more out of him if I do this. Okay, I'm in. What do you need me to do?"
"There's a hideous blue van with a red stripe, covered in bumper stickers, in the parking lot past the buses. There you will find young Mr. Fennel and his charge. I didn't tell him I was going to ask you about this—I didn't want to get his hopes up—so expect much groveling and foot-kissing when you tell him the plan."
"Awesome. That bodes well for getting his cookies. So, after the goat has been secured, my guess is that it will be about time to head up to see...um...hmm...you know, on our little excursion. Should I meet you and your dad at the office or the apartment?"
"Come to the apartment. Dad will pick us up there. Thanks for doing this for Wallace; I appreciate it. I think I can contribute to the cookie fund directly for this." She twirled her hair around a finger before realizing that a flirty gesture made no sense over the phone. How does he bring that out in me?
"I'll take the cookies, but I'm expecting a more personal thank you from you, missy. And if that thing bites me, you're really going to owe me."
"I've never seen Wallace bite anyone; I'm sure you'll be fine," she said and snapped the phone shut before he could make a smart remark back.
Veronica's mouth fell open as she opened the door to the apartment. Logan stood in the doorway with his hair even more ruffled than usual and with straw caught in it. She stood to the side to let him inside and noticed there was some straw stuck to the back of his jacket also.
"What happened?" she asked as he walked past her. She reached out to pull the straw off his back. "This is a new look for you. Urban cowpoke." He turned to glare at her and she grabbed a few more pieces out from under his collar. "Did things not go as planned?"
"If you planned for the goat to knock me down, then everything went fine," he answered and she did her best to hide a grin as she stretched up to pull more straw out of his hair.
"Oh, no, you weren't hurt, were you?" she asked, covering her mouth with her hand when he turned to look at her again.
"No, I'm fine. But I'm getting all of Wallace's next batch of cookies. He's already agreed." He grudgingly kissed her forehead. "And you, I'm not even sure I like you anymore. You got me into this and now you're laughing at me. You're a terrible girlfriend." He slumped onto the couch and laid his head back against the top of the cushions.
Veronica couldn't hold the laugh back any longer. "I'm so sorry, Logan," she gasped out, trying to get her laughter back under control. "I know you only did this because I asked and I really appreciate it."
"Yeah, I can feel the waves of appreciation rolling off you," he said sourly. He stood back up again and walked towards the bathroom. "I've got to wash the goat off me before we leave to see my mother." He disappeared and Veronica pulled her phone out of her pocket, sending a quick text. After a couple of minutes, Logan appeared again. "Well, at least I don't reek of livestock now." He dropped back onto the couch.
Veronica was finishing up another text and she came to sit in front of him on the coffee table. "What can I do to demonstrate my appreciation? I'll get going on the cookies as soon as we're home tonight. What else can I do?" He made a harrumphing sound and she laughed again before standing up, tucking her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, and climbing onto the couch to straddle his lap.
"Veronica, your dad's going to be here any minute, we don't..."
"Nope, he won't, he'll be in the parking lot in about fifteen minutes and he's going to text me so we can just come straight out. So—" She took Logan's hands off her knees and hooked them together at the small of her back. "—when you feel my back pocket vibrate, it's time to go." She leaned into him and put her arms around his neck.
"Are you sure this isn't a trap? Telling us he won't come in and then doing it just to see what we're doing?"
"Nah, he doesn't want to catch us like this anymore than we want to get caught. This plan works well for everyone." She gave him a mischievous smile. "So, about that appreciation..."
The trip to the home in Del Cerro where Lynn was going through her private rehab program got quieter and quieter as they neared their destination. Logan and Veronica had been smiling and laughing as they came down from the apartment and Keith was glad he had stuck to the plan to send a text when he arrived rather than bursting in on them. When he'd confirmed earlier in the week that they had finally admitted their—obvious—mutual attraction, he'd been really surprised by how okay he was about it. Truthfully, he'd grown fond of Logan over the last month or so and Keith knew that he had a much better chance of guilting Logan into acceptable behavior than any other boy Veronica was likely to bring home. Regardless, he knew there were going to be things he did not want to see and he'd jumped at Veronica's suggestion that he just text them when he arrived at the apartment and they would come right out to the car. I don't want to catch them making out on my couch anymore than they want to get caught.
Although they'd all been laughing and joking at the start of the trip, Logan had gotten increasingly more distracted as they got closer to their destination and by the time they passed the 'Del Cerro Welcomes You' sign, he had stopped talking entirely. Veronica was babbling nervously and Keith was responding but Logan had turned toward the window and was silent. When they were about a mile from the house, Keith pulled the car into a strip mall parking lot and turned it off. "Logan?"
The boy flinched at his name and turned away from the window next to him, glancing curiously at the world outside the other windows. "Why are we stopping? I thought she was at a friend's house." In the back seat, Veronica sat forward to lean against the back of the front bench seat.
"She is; we're about a mile away. I just wanted to make sure this is still what you want to do."
Logan looked at him with furrowed brow. "I...I don't understand. You said she wanted me to visit." He ran his hand through his hair, one of his most common nervous tics. In Keith's opinion, he had way too many of them for a sixteen year old boy.
"She does. But it's your choice. Are you really ready to see her? You don't have to do this if you're not feeling like you're up to it. No one would blame you. Neither Veronica, nor I, and definitely not your mother." Keith watched his daughter reach out and rest her hand on the boy's left shoulder.
"Whatever you need, Logan. We're right here with you." Logan reached up with his right hand and covered Veronica's, hers shifting so her fingers were intertwined with his. Logan glanced at their joined hands, then over his shoulder at her, and Keith saw her give him an encouraging smile. Logan then shifted his glance to Keith.
"I'm fine. I want to see her too. I am a little nervous but I'll be fine. Thanks—both of you—for doing this. I appreciate it."
"Does that mean you're making us cookies?" Veronica asked in a teasing voice and Logan laughed.
"Only if you teach me how."
"No, you need to get Mrs. Navarro to come back and teach you to make those chocolate chip cookies I used to love so much. Then, I've got the snickerdoodles, you've got the chocolate chips, and we're covered for life as far as cookies go." She patted his hand and sat back, putting her seatbelt back on as Keith re-started the car and pulled onto the road again.
Logan took a long, deep breath and tried to clear his mind of everything but Veronica's casually stated commitment to a lifetime of cookies. They were four days into this new stage of their relationship, five if you counted the day he'd first kissed her, and he was ready to make cookies, and anything else she wanted, with her for life. He knew he was seriously over-reacting and moving way too fast but it was far more pleasant than the worrying he'd been doing about seeing his mother for the first time since she'd tried to abandon him to his father forever. The difference between the appeal of Veronica's cookies forever and the horror of his mom's attempt at permanent abandonment made his head spin. He leaned against the window again and tried to think of happy things.
His attempt at happy thoughts was interrupted when Keith pulled into a long driveway and came to a stop in front of a large gate. He rolled his window down and spoke into a security speaker. "Keith Mars. I'm expected." The gate shook and began to rattle open. Logan looked around curiously as they pulled into the grounds of a large estate.
"This place seems familiar. This belongs to a friend of my mom's?"
"Yeah. A woman named Janet Price. Do you know her?"
"Price isn't familiar but I have a vague recollection of someone who used to call herself Auntie Jan. Maybe that's her?" He glanced at Keith and then over his shoulder at Veronica. She gave him another supportive smile and shrugged her shoulders at him.
"How old were you then? Do you remember?"
"Not really. Maybe five?" He peered out the front windshield as they drove up the long drive. "Auntie Jan's house had a pond with ducks. Mom and I fed them like a whole loaf of bread when we were here." He squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember. "There was a fountain in the entryway. She floated candles in it." He laughed and opened his eyes, looking back at Veronica. "In the top part, the candles were fine, they just floated. In the lower tier of the fountain, if the candles floated near the outside edge, they'd be fine too, but if they moved more to the center, the water falling from the top tier would fall onto the candles and they'd go out with this hissing sound and then sink."
"So what I'm taking away from this story is a picture of you on the edge of the fountain flicking at those candles until they bobbed to the center." Veronica looked at him with her eyebrows raised, wearing an amused smile.
"That might be what happened," he said with a grin and made a hissing sound that made them all laugh.
"Well, I didn't see a duck pond when I was here before but there is definitely a fountain like you just described," Keith said. "It even had candles floating in it. Auntie Jan must really like that decorating motif. Maybe the pond was in the back section of the property?"
"Yeah, maybe. I don't remember." Logan rubbed his hands against his jeans, nervous again as Keith pulled the car to a stop in front of a large home and turned toward him.
"You ready?"
"As I'll ever be." He got out of the car and opened the back door for Veronica.
"You're sure, right?" she asked as she got out.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Stop worrying about me."
She raised her eyebrows at him. "Unlikely." She held out her hand and he slipped his into her firm grasp. She stretched up onto her toes and kissed his cheek. "If you need something, you let me know. Got it?"
He squeezed her hand and smiled at her. "Yes, ma'am." They came around the corner of the garage and he saw the entryway and the fountain from his memory and then, standing at the door was his mom.
"Logan! Baby!" she cried out and ran toward him, throwing her arms around his neck, causing him to stumble back and lose his grip on Veronica's hand. He lifted his arms instinctively and hugged his mother back as she clung to him, crying loudly. "I have missed you so much." He looked over her shoulder at Veronica, leaning against Keith, who had his arm around her shoulders. They were both giving him supportive, reassuring smiles and he returned their smiles before patting his weeping mother on the back.
"I missed you too, Mom. I'm so glad to see you."
Veronica sat at the edge of the fountain, flicking at the floating candles. She'd managed to send four of them under the streaming water and every time one went out with a hiss, she smiled at the picture in her head of five-year-old Logan giggling as he successfully vanquished each candle.
Logan and Lynn were in with the counselor, Dr. Vega, who'd been working with her on her recovery program. After the initial reunion scene, Lynn had explained that Dr. Vega wanted to meet with Lynn and Logan privately and offered the atrium or the library for Keith and Veronica to enjoy while they waited. Logan had looked a little alarmed but when Keith asked him if he was ready to go ahead with the meeting, he had nodded and followed Lynn and the doctor further into the house. Lynn's friend, Jan, had offered them drinks and snacks and set them up in the atrium which opened up off the library. Veronica tried to distract herself with a book but after half an hour, she'd gone back out to the front of the house to sit next to the fountain. She'd just sunk her fifth candle when Logan appeared in the doorway.
"I'm on the run from the headshrinker. Run with me?" He held out his hand and she stood up and took it.
"Where are we going?" she asked but instead of answering, he folded her into his arms and just stood there for a minute with his face resting against the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his waist and stood silently, waiting for him to let her know what he needed.
Lynn's voice broke through their moment of silence. "Logan, honey, Dr. Vega would like to talk for a while longer."
Logan stiffened and took a step back from Veronica but caught her hand in his and started to walk away. Veronica followed him immediately but peeked over her shoulder to see Lynn staring after them with a disappointed look.
"Not now, Mom."
They walked past Keith's car and around the back of the house. There was a large rose garden across the whole length of the backyard, butted up against a long, tall hedge. Logan led her through the rows of roses but she pulled him to a stop more than once to smell roses. When they'd almost reached the back of the rose garden, she realized that he'd been leading her to a spot where the hedge was broken. It was actually two hedges, one slightly in front of the other so from a distance, it appeared to be one unbroken hedge but in reality was two staggered hedges with a path between them.
"You do remember this place," she said. "I didn't see this until we got right up on it and you led us right here."
"It's spotty, what I remember. This just felt right." They passed between the hedges and found the duck pond, immediately on the opposite side. It was surrounded by flowers and trees, and a gazebo sat off to one side. Logan pulled her toward the gazebo and she came along willingly. Up on the gazebo was a porch swing and they settled on the cushions. He put his arm around her and she snuggled against him, taking his free hand and lacing her fingers through his. They rocked in silence for a few minutes before Logan gave a heavy sigh.
"Have you looked at any of the records that your dad found?"
She looked up at him, startled. This wasn't what she expected they'd be talking about. "No. There really hasn't been any chance and I know you weren't too excited about me seeing them anyway. We've been together every evening since you told Dad I could see them. I'm sorry. Did you want me to?"
"No, it's not that. I just wondered what you knew." He leaned his head against hers. "When we came here before—when I was five—it was after the first time Aaron put me in the hospital. Mom left him then and came here. For a while at least. Your dad got the records from that...incident."
She sucked in a breath. "Did you know that when you were talking about being here before?" She felt him shake his head as it lay against hers.
"No. Somehow, when I remembered the place, I'd forgotten that I was in a sling when I was here before. It was my left arm so I guess it didn't keep me from throwing bread for the ducks." He huffed out a breath. She thought maybe it was supposed to be a sound of amusement but he couldn't really carry it off. "That would have been the important part to me back then."
"Plus you could still 'phft' the candles," she made a flicking motion to accompany her sound effect. "That was actually kinda fun." The sound that came out of him this time was slightly more amused sounding.
"How many did you get?"
"Five. They made a very satisfying hiss right before they went down."
"I know, right?" He sighed.
"So, how did you remember that, about being here after he..." Veronica nervously locked her other hand around the hands they already had entwined together.
"After he threw me into a wall and dislocated my shoulder?" he said and she gasped and hid her face against his side. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
She took a couple of long, deep breaths and sat up again. "You can say anything you want, Logan. I'm not going to judge you. I'm pretty tough; I may react at first but I can take whatever you want to tell me."
"I just hate you guys feeling sorry for me. I spend a lot of time on my tough guy image, you know." He looked down at her with a weak smile.
She pulled away from him enough to be able to look him squarely in the eyes. "Logan, the fact that we, or anyone, feels bad that these things happened to you doesn't mean we think you're weak. The fact that you've struggled with this for so long, basically alone, and have never given up makes you seem really strong to me."
"You're just saying that."
"No. I'm not. Don't even think that because it isn't true." She took a deep breath and looked back down at her hands. "Those big, heavy secrets about things that make you feel like a victim? Or that you think would make other people look at you like you're a victim? They're the worst because not only are they hurting you but they keep eating away at you while you wait for someone to find out what you want to hide more than anything."
She felt his eyes drilling into her and swallowed hard, hoping he wasn't going to come looking for information later about what she was talking about. "But knowing your secrets...that hasn't changed how Dad and I feel about you, Logan. You're still the same charming, smart-mouthed, sexy jackass that you've always been."
"Please God, tell me that your dad doesn't think I'm sexy." His voice was stronger now and amused.
There's the reaction I was looking for. "No, that one's just me," she said and got up from the swing so she could climb into what seemed to be becoming her favorite position—straddling his legs, facing him. She stayed back towards his knees; she didn't like sitting like this best because it was easy to get close in a hurry, although that was certainly a plus. She just liked being able to look right at him, eyes at close to the same level, so she felt like they were really communicating. "So, how did you remember about when you came here before?"
"Mom reminded me."
"Why? How did that come up?" She stopped and took his hands. "If you want to tell me. I'm good with whatever you want to tell me."
"I think she thought I already remembered. I...um...I got kinda upset in there. It was what I said the other day—she's doing a sorta Twelve Step program and she had to make a list of those she's wronged and then apologize. Me...I'm pretty much at the top of her list. Hell, she's not terribly self-aware, I probably am her whole list. Anyway, she was trying; she really was. All those times that she sat there with her glass while he...did whatever. I think she thought maybe she'd get some credit for running away with me here that first time, even though she went back after he promised it wouldn't happen again. Which obviously turned out to be a lie that she decided to live with." He fell silent for a moment, staring down at their hands, running his thumbs across her knuckles. He took a deep breath and looked up at her again. "But, you know what? The killer for me is the last thing she did. She was going to just leave me to him. And she didn't even mention it."
Veronica kept her face impassive. "Maybe she was just talking about the old times first? It's the last thing she did before she started on this program—maybe she was still getting to it."
"No, she hadn't thought about it. All she saw was that she was so unhappy with her life that dying might have been better than living. The thought of leaving her only son with the monster who'd been beating him for the past decade...that didn't even cross her mind until I mentioned that I was a little unhappy about the idea. I wasn't even an afterthought." He dropped his head back and pulled his hands out of Veronica's, rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes. "Jesus, I'm so pissed at her." He looked up at her again. "I'm thinking I was like Pol Pot or something in my last life to warrant getting these parents."
She rested her arms against his chest and shoulders so she could run her fingers up into his hair. "Well, he died like a decade after you were born so I'm pretty sure you're not him." He humphed out a laugh and she kissed his forehead. "So what do you want to do now? You're in charge; you can go back in and talk to her again or we can just go home. You're the boss."
"Can we just sit here for a while?" He leaned into her and kissed her neck. "It really is beautiful here and I like being here with you, whatever else is happening out there beyond the hedge."
"Like I said, you're the boss," she said and the gazebo became their safe place for a while.
Keith stepped back into the house and Lynn stopped the pacing that he assumed she'd been doing the entire time he was gone and rushed to him.
"Keith—where are they? You were supposed to bring him back."
"They're on the swing in the gazebo, just like Jan suggested they might be, and I didn't go out there to drag him back, I went out to make sure he's okay." Lynn looked at him in astonishment and then started for the door. "Lynn, going out there and demanding that he play this game by your rules is not going to make this better."
She stopped and turned back, an offended look on her face. "We aren't playing a game, Keith; this is my life."
"It's his life too and, frankly, I'm more concerned about him than I am about you." She gasped and whirled away from him, resuming the pacing.
"Lynn, he's right. You can't make Logan feel how you want him to feel. He's his own person and is entitled to his own emotions," Dr. Vega said and, in spite of the doctor basically validating Keith's message, he couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes at the therapist's choice of words.
"Look, if he comes back and wants to talk some more, great. If he's talked out for the day, I'm taking him home. I'll bring him back whenever he's ready to come again. Is that agreeable?" Keith looked at Lynn, who stopped pacing abruptly, and at the doctor, who was nodding.
"You know, he can drive himself, Keith," Lynn said sharply. "You've been a lot of help since this whole thing began but you're not his guardian. He's nearly seventeen years old. He can come visit his mother by himself."
"If he wants to come visit his mother by himself, I'm not going to get in the way. But he specifically asked both me and Veronica to come with him. If he wants us here, we will be here."
"What's going on with them anyway?" Lynn asked. "They weren't even talking before...you know...and now they look like they're dating."
"That part's new this week. Although, geez," he rolled his eyes and the doctor snickered, "it's been coming on for a while. I'm, surprisingly, not as horrified by it as I thought I would be. They seem to be very supportive of each other, and I think I like that."
Lynn smiled and seemed to relax for the first time since Logan had fled the session with the counselor. "I've always liked Veronica. She's a very sweet girl. Logan's taste has been...shall we say...questionable, in the past. And now, she's the reason I'm still alive, so, I'm not going to be able to begrudge her anything."
"That's good to hear. So, can we all agree, Logan is calling the shots as far as how much he wants to delve into the past with you. You needed to apologize to him and you've had your opportunity. If he wants to hear more from you about this, he'll come to you." Keith looked between Lynn and the doctor again.
"I think that is an excellent plan," Dr. Vega said. "You and I still have plenty to do, Lynn. It is not uncommon for family members to have difficulty at this part of the therapy. Logan was much more receptive to you than many people are in this kind of situation. I think we extend an open invitation and when he's ready to come back, we welcome him back. With the Mars family or without them, whatever Logan prefers."
"All right," Lynn said, still seeming slightly disappointed, before she suddenly brightened. "So, when they come back, Jan has dinner nearly ready." She looked at Keith. "Do you think you guys could stick around for dinner?"
"As long as Logan is comfortable, I'm always up for dinner," Keith said with an internal sigh of relief. "Veronica isn't one to turn down a meal, either, so you'll probably get some help from her in getting him to stay and eat."
"A teen-aged girl who wants to get her boyfriend to stay and eat?" Dr. Vega said with a shake of his head. "I see so many of them who won't eat a thing in front of a boy."
"I have a rather unusual daughter," Keith said.
Veronica peeked through the door first, wanting the lay of the land before Logan re-entered the house. She could smell food, which made her stomach growl, and she could hear conversation from further in the house that sounded pleasant. She heard Lynn laugh and glanced back at Logan.
"The coast seems to be clear. I actually think they're eating dinner." Her stomach growled again and Logan grinned at her.
"And this is how Veronica Mars is lured to her doom. Food."
"As long as I get a good last meal," she said with a smile. "So, are we risking this?"
"I can't get between you and your dinner," he said and pushed the door open, pressing her forward with his hand on her low back.
They stepped further in and glanced around. "Dad?"
"Oh, they're back!" Lynn's excited voice rang through the house and she was quickly in front of them. "Thank you for coming back, sweetheart. We're not going to talk with Dr. Vega anymore unless you want to...well, he is having dinner with us, but, you know."
"Yeah, Mom," Logan said. "That sounds good. Veronica's hungry."
"Well, we can fix that. But first, this..." she reached out to take each of their hands. "...you guys? This makes me so happy." She dropped their hands and pulled Veronica into a hug. Veronica hugged her back tentatively but rolled wild eyes at Logan over Lynn's shoulder. She wrinkled her nose at him when all he did was shake with silent laughter. "Don't you remember? That day? I told you he still cared about you. And I knew, when I saw your phone, you still cared about him too."
Veronica shuddered in embarrassment and Logan's shoulders continued to shake with laughter. He raised his eyebrows at her and she stuck her tongue out at him. Lynn suddenly reached out and pulled Logan into the hug and Veronica laughed then.
"Okay, Mom, why don't we go in and have dinner. We need to get back to Neptune; we've both got school tomorrow," Logan said as he tried to extricate himself from her clutches. Veronica snorted.
"Logan's gotten very committed to being home early on school nights," she said as she slid free of Lynn's arms. "He's got quite a lot of school spirit too. You're going to be simply astonished at what an upright citizen he's become." Logan sneered at her over his mom's shoulder and she smiled sweetly at him.
"Oh, I'm sure that's all you and your dad's influence," Lynn gushed and locked arms with both of them to lead them to dinner.
Thanks to KMD0107 for her usual outstanding beta skills. If you're on Tumblr, make sure to take a look at the first installment of the Neptune Gazette, where KMD used her fabulous brain to 'science the shit out of' the Kanes' attempt to change Lilly's time of death. All I can say is that it's good for the Kanes that KMD wasn't the Medical Examiner in Neptune back in 2003.