Author's Note:-
Sorry this is late! I fell behind again... and same as last time, I actually finished writing it on Friday, but I couldn't finish editing it before I had to go to work, and I've been busy today, so... usual story. Sorry n_n' Also this chapter is really long which is why I couldn't get it done on time - so I apologise in advance for the long chapter, but there really didn't seem like there was a good place to split it, so... I thought it was better to leave it like this.
Also, just to pre-warn you about the scene with King Yemma and the ogres... That isn't canon. As far as I know it's never actually explained where the ogres come from, so I thought this would be a fun little idea. But it is possible that the ogres' origin is actually explained in the show and I just missed or forgot it, so... sorry in advance if I go against canon n_n' I didn't mean to!
Anyway, I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Please review! Thank you!
It was early in the morning, a few hours after his argument with Frikiza, and King Piccolo awoke to a cold breeze on his back. Hm… That was unusual. Why did his back feel colder than his front? Not that the cold bothered him… but he didn't usually wake up like this. What the hell…? King Piccolo frowned slightly as his eyes came into focus. He wasn't in bed. He was upright, and facing… was that a hole in the wall? Why could he see Bass' nursery? Where the hell was his bedroom door?
"Frikiza…?" King Piccolo mumbled, and as soon as he heard his own voice speak her name it all came flooding back to him. "Frikiza!" He roared, suddenly filled with all the rage he'd felt last night. He turned his head towards the bed and glared angrily at the icejin that lay in it. She was awake, and looking straight at him. She was smirking… She was smirking! Did she find this amusing? How dare she! "Don't look at me like that!" King Piccolo bellowed. "Get me down now!"
"That's all you have to say?" Frikiza growled back. "After you nearly destroyed our baby's room?"
"Don't blame that on me!" King Piccolo barked. "You were the target!"
"I'm pregnant!" Frikiza yelled.
"Yes, that's precisely my problem!" King Piccolo snapped. "You don't mind having a parasite inside you."
"Don't be so disgusting." Frikiza snarled.
She climbed out of bed and made her way over to him, and stared up at the demon king with her arms folded and an angry look on her face, her tail waving slowly behind her. "If you start that again, you're not coming down." Frikiza hissed.
"You won't keep me up here." King Piccolo spat. "You're too soft."
"Really?" Frikiza retorted. "Fine then. I'll prove it. I'm taking a bath, and then I'm having breakfast, and then I'm going shopping." Her eyes twinkled as she looked at him with a nasty smirk. "And you can stay there until I get back."
"Is that supposed to be a threat?" King Piccolo snorted. "Darling. I spent three hundred years trapped in a rice cooker – do you really think a couple of hours here is going to matter to me?"
"Oh… good idea." Frikiza gasped, her eyes widening as a thought occurred to her. "Pickle… you're a genius!"
King Piccolo flinched, and watched in confusion as Frikiza bolted out of the room. What the hell…? Where was she going? What was she doing? She couldn't just walk out and leave him here, with no explanation! How dare she! He wanted her to explain herself now – … what? King Piccolo stared in bewilderment as Frikiza returned in no time at all, and stood in front of him with her hands behind her back. She was smirking again… Actually, she looked very pleased with herself. What was she hiding…? "I figured I couldn't get the wall repaired until I released you," Frikiza began. "But you just made me realise – I can fix the wall and still keep you trapped."
"What…?" King Piccolo asked cautiously. What was she…? … No…
His eyes slowly widened as a terrifying thought suddenly occurred to him. No… No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't dare –
"Ta-da!"
"Eee!" King Piccolo screamed at the top of his lungs at the sight of his second biggest enemy, a rice cooker. "Frikiza!" He wailed, thrashing wildly against his ki restraints. "What the hell is the matter with you! Get that thing away from me!" He tried his best to break out of his restraints but it was no use; he couldn't move at all. He couldn't even break down the wall. Dammit! She'd protected it with her ki! "No!" King Piccolo shrieked as Frikiza took a step towards him, holding up the rice cooker up with a wicked grin on her face. "You wouldn't dare! You know you wouldn't!" King Piccolo snarled, glaring down at her.
"Of course I would." Frikiza giggled. "I've trapped you before, right?"
"You promised you would never do that again!" King Piccolo yelled.
"Well… I'm an icejin." Frikiza shrugged. "We aren't trustworthy."
"Don't!" King Piccolo snapped. "Don't you dare!"
"I won't…" Frikiza began. "So long as you apologise to me, and to Bass."
"To Bass?" King Piccolo choked in disbelief. What? Did she really want him to talk to that unborn thing in her stomach? She was a maniac! "Are you nuts!" King Piccolo cried. "I'm not talking to a foetus!"
"Fine." Frikiza shrugged.
She took a step back, and started to channel her energy into a demon-sealing attack. "Evil containment –"
"Okay okay!" King Piccolo shrieked, his antennae standing on end at the thought of spending just one second in that jar. "Fine! I'm sorry, Frikiza!"
"What for?" Frikiza smirked.
"I have no idea what for!" King Piccolo yelled back. "Think of something yourself, as far as I'm concerned you're the one that should be apologising!"
"What, for not being your sex slave whenever you want?" Frikiza hissed.
"Yes." King Piccolo snarled back, narrowing his eyes at her. "Our relationship has always been based on sex – you know that! It's not my fault you changed the rules without asking – you should have consulted me first."
"It's not my fault I got pregnant!" Frikiza protested.
"I didn't know you could get pregnant!" King Piccolo argued.
"Neither did I!" Frikiza yelled back.
"How the hell is that not your fault!" King Piccolo screamed. "You're supposed to know about this stuff, you've had a baby before!"
"That was with an icejin – I thought I was safe with you!" Frikiza argued. "Anyway – I'm glad I'm pregnant, and I love our child and I'm glad he's coming, and you should be too!"
"Tch." King Piccolo snorted, looking away. "Whatever. I'll just be glad when he's out."
"That's more like it!" Frikiza beamed, her face lighting up in delight. "That's just what I wanted to hear."
King Piccolo simply gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in annoyance. The bitch… She was trying to irritate him. She'd deliberately misinterpreted his words just to spite him. The bitch! "Now…" Frikiza looked at King Piccolo. "Are you going to apologise for almost destroying his room?"
"You know, I wasn't the only one fighting." King Piccolo sniped. "Don't you think you owe him an apology as well?"
"Of course." Frikiza nodded. "I spent all of last night apologising. I feel terrible about it…"
"Of course you do…" King Piccolo groaned, amazed that she had actually apologised to an egg. It wasn't a person! It was a parasite living in her stomach – what the hell was wrong with her?
"Well?" Frikiza huffed. "He's waiting."
"Don't be absurd." King Piccolo spat. "I'm not talking to your stomach!"
"It's your baby!" Frikiza insisted.
"No it's not, it's your parasite." King Piccolo argued. "And it won't be my baby until it's born!"
"Piccolo…" Frikiza hissed. "I won't ask you again."
"Good." King Piccolo snorted. "That saves me having to say 'no'."
"Evil containment –"
"Okay!" King Piccolo screamed, his body suddenly filled with dread as Frikiza started to trap him in the rice cooker.
He panted frantically as he stared down at Frikiza. She'd stopped the attack… for now. She was still in position though, and she still had the rice cooker ready… Dammit. She really would do it, wouldn't she? Unless King Piccolo apologised to Bass, Frikiza would seal him away for God knows how long… She was a maniac! She was insane – this entire situation was absolutely ludicrous! … But he had no choice. It sickened King Piccolo to think about it, but he had to apologise to… that egg. It was absurd. Not just absurd – it was humiliating! To think that he, the Demon King Piccolo had to talk to an unborn child – and apologise to it, as if it gave a crap about what happened to its room! … But… he didn't have to mean it, did he? How would Frikiza know? All she wanted was to hear the words – how would she know whether or not King Piccolo meant them? He could sound sincere, after all. Frikiza would have no idea that he thought every word he spoke was utter bullcrap. Actually, now that King Piccolo thought about it, this could just be another way to mock her. It could actually be quite amusing. He could use this as a way to mock Frikiza, and her naivety, and her stupidity and her ridiculous pregnancy hormones and her pathetic pregnancy emotions. Ha!
King Piccolo let out a fake reluctant sigh and looked down at Frikiza's stomach, trying his best to hold back a smirk as he thought about how much he didn't mean his words. "Bass…" He uttered sincerely. "I'm sorry, Son. Mama and Papa didn't mean to argue around you… and I'm sorry we almost destroyed your room." He smiled, just for effect. "As soon as you're born, I'll make it up to you. I promise." Hm. How was that? That sounded pretty good, right? Was that apologetic enough? King Piccolo moved his eyes up to Frikiza's face to see her response, and he had to use all the willpower in his body to stop himself laughing. Oh… that was priceless. Look at her… She was touched! She was smiling so brightly, and her eyes were glistening – he couldn't believe she'd actually bought that crap! Didn't she know him at all? She was even crying! She really was the most pathetic creature King Piccolo had ever known. Ha!
"Pickle…" Frikiza uttered. "That was adorable… Thank you."
She set the rice cooker down, and flew up to King Piccolo's level. King Piccolo held back a smirk as Frikiza planted a kiss on his cheek and hugged him, her entire body warm with affection. So warm that King Piccolo could feel the heat coming off her. Pathetic…
"Don't mention it." King Piccolo almost sniggered. "Now. Release me?"
"Sure." Frikiza nodded, and as requested she removed his ki restraints.
"Thank you." King Piccolo uttered. "Now…"
He lowered himself to the ground, and glared fiercely at the rice cooker. "You can go to hell!"
"Piccolo!" Frikiza cried as he proceeded to blow up the rice cooker. "We use that, you know!"
"That isn't the only way to cook rice." King Piccolo growled. "Tell the chefs to find another way."
"Fine…" Frikiza sighed, surrendering. "Whatever. Let's go get some breakfast."
"Sure." King Piccolo replied, and looked down at her. Hm… She was cute, wasn't she? She was so delightfully innocent and naïve… Dammit. He'd wanted to keep his little act of betrayal a secret from her, like his own little private joke… but that face of hers. Those adorable wide eyes and those innocent little cheeks… King Piccolo couldn't resist the urge to destroy them.
Frikiza stared back up at the demon king, and she frowned in confusion as a wide, wicked grin spread across King Piccolo's face and his eyes started glowing demonically. What was his problem…?
"What?" Frikiza demanded.
"You know that crap I just said?" King Piccolo sneered. "I didn't mean any of it. I was just mocking you." He leant forward and planted a kiss on Frikiza's cheek, as softly as she had kissed him. "Sorry, Icicle."
King Piccolo sniggered to himself nastily, and made his way out of the bedroom in triumph. Haha! Yes! That was brilliant! Oh, that look on Frikiza's face had been priceless! King Piccolo grinned widely to himself as he recalled it, burning it into his memory for him to look at again and again. It had been such a delicious look of hurt and disappointment and betrayal… She'd looked like she was about to cry! Like everything she knew about the world, like everything she'd ever believed in had been destroyed! Ha! Well it served her right, the little bitch! Maybe next time she would think before she threatened the mighty Demon King Picc – "Aii!" King Piccolo screamed as he felt a heavy thud against his back and an intense white pain suddenly flooded his skull.
"You bastard!" Frikiza snarled from her position on his shoulders, glaring down at King Piccolo as she pulled his antennae.
"F… Frikiza!" King Piccolo cried, his eyes scrunching shut in pain. Dammit! He should have known that she would do something like this! She couldn't imprison him anymore so she would make his life in the outside world a living hell! The bitch! "Get off me!" King Piccolo roared.
"Sure." Frikiza hissed, and to King Piccolo's surprise she released his antennae.
King Piccolo let out a gasp, and grunted, rubbing his throbbing antennae to soothe the pain. Hm… That was unexpected. Why had she released him so willingly? Was she planning another attack…? But why? Why release his antennae, when they were the most effective way to hurt him…? … Hm. Maybe her pregnancy hormones had worn off… Maybe, after all this, time she had finally come to her senses. … Hmph. Well. Good. It was about time!
"That's better – arrgh!" King Piccolo howled in pain as Frikiza threw the full weight of her tail at him, and landed it between his legs.
XXXXX
King Piccolo tapped his foot against the floor in annoyance as he sat at the breakfast table, trying in vain to block out the sound of his mutant children's loud munching and slurping, while the contents of his underwear and his antennae still throbbed in pain. This was unacceptable… He was already in a bad mood, and he was in physical agony, and now he had to listen to these four freaks eat like a bunch of animals. He was not going to tolerate this!
"Silence!" King Piccolo roared, his voice bellowing so loudly the entire table shook. King Piccolo glared angrily at the mutants and snarled, "What is wrong with you? Eat properly!"
"Huh?" The mutants blinked, looking at their master in bewilderment.
"But King Piccolo, this is how we always eat." Drum said.
"Yeah." The other mutants nodded, baffled as to why their eating habits were suddenly a problem.
Hmph." Kuria grunted, looking at the mutants in disgust. "And you wonder why you can't get girlfriends."
"I had a girlfriend." Cymbal argued.
"You couldn't keep her." Kuria sniped.
"That wasn't because of how he eats." Drum replied. "It's because he wasn't as good as that other guy."
"Shut up!" Cymbal barked, and smacked Drum across the head while Kuria started giggling.
King Piccolo moved his eyes to Kuria, who had suddenly become the new source of his frustration.
"Are you well enough to go home yet?" He snarled impatiently. He was well and truly sick of the sight of her. As if having one disobedient icejin woman around here wasn't bad enough! Kuria was vile!
"Mama said I can stay here as long as I want." Kuria huffed.
"What?" King Piccolo barked, turning on Frikiza. "Why did you tell her that!"
"Huh…?" Frikiza mumbled, seemingly not listening. King Piccolo glared at Frikiza, enraged. How dare she not listen to him! What was she doing anyway? She had her arms around her midsection, wincing as if she were in pain…
"Frikiza, are you alright?" Piano asked, concerned.
"Yeah…" Frikiza replied. "I think Bass is… ow!" She hissed, her fingers curling as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. "I think he's having a growth spurt… it feels like my uterus is stretching."
"Ugh! Why would you say that, Frikiza?" King Piccolo barked. "That's disgusting!"
"Pickle… do you think he's any bigger?" Frikiza questioned, standing up.
She turned to the side and pulled her shirt back to tighten it across her stomach. It was King Piccolo's shirt… Frikiza always used to look so sexy when she wore it, but these days she used it as maternity pyjamas because she was too fat and gross to feel comfortable in her own clothes – even though they stretched! That was how fat and disgusting she was, even stretchy clothes weren't good enough for her. Tch. It was ridiculous. King Piccolo used to love seeing Frikiza in his shirt, but since she'd started showing she'd taken all the sexiness out of it – and now she was emphasising that by pulling it over her disgusting lump! "He looks bigger than yesterday, right?" Frikiza asked innocently, drawing everyone's attention to her unborn child.
"Maybe you just ate too much." King Piccolo snorted bitterly.
"I hardly ate anything!" Frikiza barked, and King Piccolo moved his eyes to her plate. Actually… She was right. She had barely touched her breakfast – she must have had two mouthfuls at the most.
"Are you sure it's okay to leave that much? Isn't Bass hungry?" Tambourine questioned, looking at the uneaten food.
"Well… I was hungry before, but now I'm not." Frikiza shrugged.
"Good." King Piccolo grinned, and hungrily swiped her leftovers before any of the mutants could grab it, and they all seemed a little disappointed when he got there first.
"Frikiza… he does look bigger than yesterday." Cymbal said, returning to Frikiza's bump.
"But that's normal, right?" Piano uttered. "Didn't you say it was a growth spurt?"
"Yeah, but… it's not supposed to be noticeable." Frikiza answered. "Not in a day."
"Yeah well, it is. Now put it away!" King Piccolo barked. "I don't want that thing in my face while I'm eating!"
"That's your baby you're talking about!" Kuria argued.
"Who asked you!" King Piccolo snarled back, glaring at her. "Frikiza, shut her up before I kill her!"
"You couldn't kill her." Frikiza sniped, annoyed by his lack of empathy. "You're far too weak."
"How dare you!"
"Ugh…" The mutants groaned exhaustedly as King Piccolo's ki once again skyrocketed.
"This is getting ridiculous." Tambourine frowned. "All you guys do these days is argue."
"King Piccolo… do you have to be so aggressive?" Piano pleaded. "Frikiza is pregnant. You shouldn't be so hard on her."
"Wh-What?" King Piccolo choked, his eyes widening in disbelief. Was he… was he serious? Was Piano actually suggesting that Frikiza was the victim here? Of course she wasn't the victim! He was! Him, King Piccolo! Piano's master! The one that had created Piano! He'd given Piano life, and a home, and food… and was this really the thanks he got? Seriously? After all King Piccolo had done for those four sorry, pathetic beings were they once again taking Frikiza's side? That was bullshit! "Fuck you…" King Piccolo seethed through gritted teeth, his eyes burning with rage. "Fuck all of you!"
"Aii!"
The mutants screamed as King Piccolo let out a wild surge of energy, blowing the breakfast table away and turning it to mere dust before it got a chance to hit the crumbling palace walls. The mutants huddled together in fear as their master glared down at them with a cold, demonic ferocity in his glowing yellow eyes.
"You all love Frikiza so much, don't you?" King Piccolo snarled down at his children. "She's your saviour, the gentle-hearted mommy you never had… Well fine! If Frikiza's what you want, then you pathetic bleeding-heart saps are welcome to her! But…" The mutants let out a squeal, trembling under King Piccolo's cold, demonic stare as he glared at them with a kind of anger they'd never seen before. "When you get bored of living like a bunch of charity cases, don't come crying to me!"
King Piccolo let out a loud, animalistic snarl and bolted out of the mansion, creating a giant hole in the wall as he charged through it. He had to get out of here. He had to get away from those good-for-nothing, treacherous little freaks that had the audacity to call themselves his children. He had to get away from that spoilt little icejin brat that had absolutely no respect for her superiors, and most of all… he had to get away from Frikiza! Stupid pregnant Frikiza, that could do no wrong and had everyone in the palace wrapped around her two-faced little finger. Well, not him! Not King Piccolo! He wasn't falling for any of her bullshit! He wasn't going to give in to her every command just because she was pregnant. He wasn't going to be her slave – she was supposed to be his! But he wouldn't want her now anyway, not in that condition. He didn't even want her mouth, not with all the crap that came out of it. He didn't need her. He didn't need any of them! … He needed a drink. King Piccolo turned towards the city, and headed for his favourite bar, knowing full well that every drop he drank would make Frikiza more annoyed. Hahaha! Take that, fat bitch!
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the mutants were still shaking as they stared at the giant hole King Piccolo had made in the wall.
"He's really mad at us…" Cymbal whimpered.
"Good going, Piano!" Tambourine snarled. "He thinks we're taking sides because of you!"
"That wasn't what I meant…" Piano uttered, his eyes wide with fright. "I… I just meant… you know – she's pregnant, and… Oh, what are we going to do?"
"Don't worry about it." Frikiza growled, slamming her tail into the ground in annoyance. Great. Now she had to get that wall fixed as well. Why didn't she just destroy the whole mansion while she was at it and build a new one someplace else? Preferably in the shape of a giant rice cooker, to keep the bastard contained. "If he does anything stupid, Junior'll beat the crap out of him and bring him back here." She exhaled sharply. "And then I'll beat the crap out of him."
"I think that's part of the problem…" Cymbal sweat dropped. "Don't you guys ever think of talking it out –"
"Ow!" Frikiza winced, suddenly in pain. She let out a sharp gasp and crouched down, clutching her midsection.
"Mama, are you okay?" Kuria asked, concerned.
"Yeah…" Frikiza nodded as the pain subsided. She felt Bass kick against her hand, and smiled a little. "I guess namek pregnancies are just a little more aggressive."
"Well, he is half demon…" Piano sweat dropped.
XXXXX
"Ow! Papa, he hit me!"
"He started it!"
"I want some chocolate!"
"I want to watch TV!"
"I want to go outside!"
"Papa Papa Papa I want I want Papa!" Back in Hell, Cell sat almost in a trance, half-listening to the bratty bickering, whining and demanding from his out of control children.
"Kids… come on…" Cell answered weakly. "Finish your breakfast… and brush your teeth…"
"No!" All the Cell Juniors wailed, with the exception of Number Seven.
"We don't want to brush our teeth!" One of them yelled, stamping his feet stubbornly.
"And this breakfast sucks!" Another Junior huffed, and threw his plate against the wall.
"Hey!" Dodoria barked. "Kids, that's no way to behave –" He was suddenly cut off by one of them shooting a ki blast straight into his face.
"Hahaha!" The Cell Juniors laughed tauntingly. "Shut up, Fatso!"
"Kids!" Cell snapped, glaring at the children. "Dodoria is an adult, you'd better show him respect!"
"Or what?" The Juniors pouted.
"Or I'll kill you!" Cell barked, his ki soaring at their insolence.
He advanced on his children, his eyes burning with such anger it caused the Juniors to scream and jump away.
"Sorry, Papa!" They wailed, with fear in their eyes. "We didn't mean it!"
"Please don't hurt us!"
"Please!"
"Huh?" Cell blinked, shocked by their reaction. Wow. They looked terrified. Well… they weren't used to Cell getting so angry with them. Normally it was Frieza that scolded them, and Cell was the soft one… He looked at his children and watched as they trembled and whimpered… and he suddenly felt heartbroken. "It's okay." Cell spoke softly. "Come here." He knelt down and opened his arms out to the boys, who cautiously approached him. Cell wrapped his arms around the children and hugged them, letting out a sigh. "You just miss Frieza, don't you?"
"Uh-huh." The Cell Juniors all nodded.
"I told you that's why they're acting out." Dodoria said, putting an ice pack on his badly burnt face. "They really looked up to him, you know."
"I know." Cell growled, glaring at Dodoria. Like he needed to be told that! The fat idiot. Cell moved his eyes back down to his children. "Go on, go brush your teeth. Then I'll take you to the amusement park, okay?"
"Okay!" The Cell Juniors grinned excitedly, and left the room.
Cell let out a sigh, and closed his eyes. Great. The amusement park. This would be another exhausting day that Cell would end up regretting in the first two hours… but the only way he could stop the kids fighting and screaming was to give them treats all the time. That was bad parenting, right…? And Cell was sure it was only making their behaviour worse, but he didn't know how else to handle them. He missed Frieza… Frieza would keep the kids in line, and give Cell a much needed break. Things just weren't the same around here without him… Hm? Cell opened his eyes at the sound of footsteps, only to see Zarbon dressed up and heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" Cell demanded.
"Out." Zarbon answered.
"Out where?"
"None of your business." Zarbon pouted.
"Oh yeah?" Cell snarled, glaring at him. The insolent little slut… He was going on another date. "Who are you meeting?"
"Just someone." Zarbon replied with a smirk. "Nobody you know."
"You know… If Frieza finds out you're screwing another rich emperor, he'll kill the both of you." Cell said coldly.
"Yeah well, Frieza's not here anymore." Zarbon huffed. "And are you going to treat me like a prince?"
"No." Cell smirked. "I'm going to treat you like you deserve, you little gold-digging whore. Like dirt." He snorted. "I never liked you, Zarbon. I was only nice to you because of Frieza."
"Bite me!" Zarbon barked.
"Sure, Pretty Boy." Cell purred. "So long as you wash when you come home – I don't want to be handling some thick-skulled millionaire's sloppy seconds."
"He's a billionaire, and fuck you!" Zarbon yelled. "Don't wait up for me!" He stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
Cell snorted arrogantly. Whatever. He didn't care if Zarbon was fucking some other guy; Zarbon never really did it for Cell anyway. He had no idea why Frieza insisted on keeping that nancy boy around. Sure he was pretty, but there were plenty of women down here who were prettier, and they'd be less maintenance. Hmph. Cell let out another sigh. Things were so different without Frieza though… He'd only been going for a couple of weeks, but Zarbon was already off with some other guy, and the kids were really acting up. They were always fighting and bickering and demanding stuff… They were even worse than before! If they'd only gone back to their old amount of misbehaviour then maybe Cell could cope! But… Maybe Cell could get them under control. Frieza always could, right? And Cell was stronger than Frieza. They'd gone to brush their teeth pretty easier, after all – and that was all Cell's doing. Maybe they didn't need Frieza around to behave –
"Arrrrgh! Ahahahaha!"
Cell groaned at the sound of the Cell Juniors causing mayhem in the bathroom. Crap. He'd spoken to soon…
"Ow!" One of the Juniors screamed. "Papa!"
"Give that back!"
"Stupid idiot!"
"Moron!"
"Papa!" The sound of their screams almost drove Cell into a frenzy. Why… Why couldn't they just be good? Why couldn't they just…
"Shut up!" Cell roared, leaping to his feet. Okay, that was it! He couldn't take it anymore! He had to get Frieza back! "Dodoria!" Cell barked at his housemate. "Watch the kids!"
"What! But –" Dodoria didn't get chance to speak another word before Cell bolted out of the house.
XXXXX
Back on Earth, in a hotel bar, the bartender looked up at the cold feeling of an evil presence in the building. It was an angry presence, full of darkness and danger, threatening to squeeze the life from anyone that dared to speak to it…
"Hey King Piccolo!" The bartender grinned cheerfully, completely unfazed by the ferocity of the demon king.
"Hi Alex." King Piccolo grunted as he stepped further into the bar.
"Usual?"
"Yeah…" King Piccolo moved his eyes to his usual seat at the bar, and exhaled loudly when he saw someone sitting in it. The bastard…
"Oh, uh… Sorry, Sir. Would you mind sitting over there?" Alex said to the man in King Piccolo's seat, and pointed to an unoccupied booth.
"What?" The man frowned. "But I'm sitting here!"
"Yeah, that's the problem." Alex replied. "That's King Piccolo's seat. I wasn't expecting him today otherwise I would have said so earlier."
"Young Man, this is a bar seat, to be used by guests staying in the hotel." The man answered arrogantly. "And I'm not moving."
"I'd recommend you do." Alex said.
"And I'd recommend you drop it, otherwise I'll be speaking to the manager." The man huffed.
Alex looked worried, and moved his eyes to the giant namek that was now standing behind the hotel guest.
"Sorry. He won't move." Alex said. "Do you want me to turn the cameras off?"
"No." King Piccolo replied coldly. "I don't care who sees this." He glared down at the man in his seat menacingly and snarled, "Listen to me, you piece of dirt. I am not having a good day, and I'm looking for someone to kill…" He leaned closer to the man, his fingers curling sinisterly and his claws itching to sink themselves into the man's flesh and rip him apart. "So I suggest you do what the kid says, otherwise this will be your last day on Earth. Now…" King Piccolo breathed, his hot breath burning against the back of the man's neck as he spoke. "Move."
"I will do no such thing! I'm a paying guest in this hotel, you little –" The man turned to face King Piccolo, but as soon as he set eyes on the demon king he immediately lost his nerve. "… Um…" He whimpered, staring up at the evil-looking monster that was now standing upright and glaring down at him like something that had just risen from Hell. The creature was almost twice his height and definitely twice his weight, and it looked ready to kill. "… Never mind." The man uttered quietly. He moved a couple of seats down the bar, and looked at King Piccolo questioningly. "Is this okay for you?"
"This is my bar." King Piccolo growled.
"Understood!" The man yelped, and darted into a booth.
King Piccolo took a seat at the bar, and grunted.
"Hmph. You know, I was looking forward to killing him." He said in disappointment. "That's the downside of being a superior being… everybody obeys you, so you have no reason to punish them."
"It's hard at the top, huh…?" Alex replied, looking at King Piccolo with sympathy.
"Yep." King Piccolo nodded, calming down a little. Huh. He liked Alex. Alex was a good kid. Alex got him. … Even if he was slightly brain-dead. Well… he was only a human. "Give me a drink." King Piccolo ordered impatiently, and immediately decided that he would rip off Alex's head if he didn't present him with a bottle of Demon Juice in exactly five sec –
Thud. Alex grinned at King Piccolo as he placed the heavy bottle in front of the demon king.
"Do you want a glass?" Alex offered.
"Nope." King Piccolo answered, and proceeded to take a large swig straight from the bottle.
"Oh, no…" Alex sighed, watching King Piccolo's keenness to get hammered, and the cold, aggressive way he was sitting. This was bad. King Piccolo looked like he was in a really bad mood. What, had he had another argument with his wife again? Dammit… he was gonna be out of control. Alex would probably have to close the bar early, to protect the other hotel guests, and then he'd have to talk himself out of being fired again… "Just – can you please not destroy anything this time? It comes out of my wages!" Alex begged.
"So?" King Piccolo grunted. "That's not my problem."
"Excuse me," A voice came from beside him, and Alex's face went pale as yet another hotel guest came into King Piccolo's space.
"What!" Alex gasped desperately. "What do you want?"
"Give me a shot of that Demon Juice." The hotel guest said, pointing at another bottle of King Piccolo's drink that was still on the shelf.
"It's not for sale!" Alex insisted.
"So why is it on display?" The guest argued.
"Well… because normally it is on sale, but now King Piccolo's here, and that's his favourite drink." Alex explained. "So it's not for sale anymore."
"What!" The guest frowned. "That's ridiculous! You can't give other customers preferential treatment! I'm a paying guest in this hotel and I demand service –"
"Hey!" King Piccolo barked.
The man's eyes widened and he let out a loud shriek as King Piccolo wrapped his hand around the man's throat and lifted him into the air. "Listen, you insignificant little bug!" King Piccolo snarled, his demonic eyes once again glowing with anger. These worthless creatures just kept coming, didn't they? What the hell was wrong with them? Were they thick or something, or just suicidal? "That drink is mine and mine alone, and this entire bar is my seat, and if you have a problem with that then by all means you can take it up with me! Do you understand?" He loosened his grip on the man's throat just enough to allow him to scream as he grabbed his arm and started to squeeze…
"Aiiiiiiiii!"
"King Piccolo, no!" Alex cried, his eyes widening "Stop! You're gonna get me fired!"
"Ha! You think I care about that?" King Piccolo snorted, smirking menacingly at his victim who was now screaming in pain. "You still want that drink, Tough Guy?"
"N-No!" The man wailed. "Please! Stop! Aiii! I'm sorry! Please, Sir!"
"It's King Piccolo." King Piccolo stated.
"King Piccolo!" The man screamed. "Please, let me go! I'll do anything, Sire! Please!"
"… Hm." King Piccolo grunted. He really didn't want to let this guy go… He wanted to break his arm, and then crush his skull, and stomp on him… but then Frikiza would probably have something to say about that wouldn't she? Tch. The nagging bitch. She was such a hypocrite – she used to do that kind of stuff herself! And she liked that side of King Piccolo – she liked him being strong and badass! Or at least, she used to… Before that stupid egg made her frigid and untouchable. Hmph. "Whatever." King Piccolo grunted, and dropped the man to the floor. He watched the man squirm and groan at his feet, and an overwhelming feeling of impatience flooded King Piccolo's soul when the man didn't leave immediately. "Get out!" King Piccolo roared.
"Aii!" The man cried, almost leaping out of his skin, and immediately bolted out of the bar, along with every other customer in the room.
"Thanks." Alex frowned as the demon king sat back down. "You just lost me tips from twelve guests."
"They were never going to tip you." King Piccolo snorted. "Not if they had any sense."
He took a swig from the bottle of demon juice and slammed it back down on the bar, exhaling fiercely.
"Trouble in paradise?" Alex asked.
"Shut up." King Piccolo growled, and took another swig.
"Hey, King Piccolo," Alex uttered. "Go easy on that stuff! You don't wanna get dru – uh…" He sweat dropped under the cold, sharp stare of King Piccolo as the demon king glared at him. "… You know. You might… you might catch food poisoning from it…"
"No I won't." King Piccolo scoffed. "I'm invincible."
"Uh-huh…" Alex mumbled. Oh, this was gonna be a tough shift…
XXXXX
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you!" Cell yelled up at the leader of all ogres, King Yemma, as he stood in Yemma's office, demanding that Frieza be released from his cocoon. "You have no right to keep him there! Frieza is innocent!"
"Innocent?" King Yemma repeated. He held a sheet of paper up in front of him so that Cell could see; it looked like some kind of list. King Yemma looked at Cell sternly, and then cleared his throat and started to read… "Cruelty to children, kidnapping, stealing, blackmail, bribery, murder, disturbing the peace, attempted murder, GBH with intent, GBH without intent, manslaughter, conspiracy, treason, unauthorised destruction of planets, slavery, indecent exposure, underage drinking, sexual assault, person trafficking, supplying alcohol to children, supplying weapons to children, possession of illegal weapons, use of illegal weapons…" He looked down at Cell. "Do you want me to continue? Believe it or not I'm only halfway down this list – and these crimes only cover the last three months of his life."
"Yeah well – he didn't start that fire!" Cell pouted. "And he didn't start the riot – that was Baba and Babidi!"
"Oh – no, it totally wasn't!" Fortune-teller Baba yelled from her safe position behind King Yemma. "You can't prove it!"
"I have witnesses!" Cell yelled.
"Yes, witnesses in Hell. Why would King Yemma trust the word of a bunch of convicts?" Fortune-teller Baba huffed.
"Because if he doesn't, I'm going to blow this place to pieces." Cell snarled, and glared at Yemma. "Now do you get it?"
"If you destroy Otherworld, you'll destroy yourself and Frieza." King Yemma replied. "And your children."
"But that's precisely why I need Frieza back at home!" Cell protested. "He was always good with them – they're going nuts without him! You have to help me!"
"Aw…" Baba uttered, her face softening slightly. "That's a shame… children need a stable environment, after all…"
She looked at King Yemma, and was about to advise him to let Frieza out of the cocoon, when she realised its implications. Frieza had to know the riot was actually her fault after all, and if he was released he would definitely kill her for letting him take the blame… So, on second thoughts… "Frieza should stay there." Baba nodded. "The children will have to learn to cope without him. We can't all have perfect families!"
"Yes, and those children are in Hell for a reason." King Yemma grunted, returning to his paperwork. "They don't deserve a good family life – it would defeat the whole point of them being in Hell."
"Oh, fuck you!" Cell yelled. "What would you know anyway? It's not like you're a parent! If you had children of your own, you wouldn't let mine grow up in a broken home!"
"They're not going to grow up, they're dead." King Yemma stated carelessly. "And you think I don't have children? Huh!" He narrowed his eyes at Cell. "Where do you think all these ogres come from, the Tooth Fairy?"
"… What?" Cell blinked, looking around at the ogre guards that were in King Yemma's office. "… These are your kids?"
"Well… I don't see them that way." King Yemma shrugged. "I think of them as my creations – like an invention. I can't manage this place by myself, so every so often I make one of them."
"Really…?" Cell uttered, staring at the ogres in disbelief. Well… he didn't know that.
"They have a lifespan of about fifty years." King Yemma said. "Of course, they don't normally live that long. Working with evil people all the time tends to corrupt them, so after about five or ten years on the job, I let them go."
" 'Let them go'…?" Cell repeated questioningly. "What does that mean?"
"You know." King Yemma replied. "I… 'send them to live on a farm'."
Cell paused for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant. What the hell was he…? … Oh. Oh.
"Wait – you –" Cell flew up to King Yemma, causing Fortune-teller Baba to shriek a little and back away as he got too close. Cell moved down to King Yemma's ear and whispered into it, "You kill them?"
"Yes." King Yemma nodded. "If you want to be blunt about it."
"What!" Cell screamed, his eyes widening in horror. "What the hell is wrong with you! Those are you children!"
"They're not my children!" King Yemma argued. "They don't even have souls – they're just my assistants, and when they've done all they can I replace them. Simple."
"Well you're not treating my kids like that!" Cell snapped. "They have the right to a real family – so I'm ordering you to bring Frieza back home now!"
"No." King Yemma replied.
"Yes!" Cell barked, powering up. "Otherwise I'm going to destroy you and every one of your –"
"Guards!" King Yemma called.
"What? Hey!" Cell cried out as a group of ogres grabbed him and started to drag him back down to hell kicking and screaming. "Hey! Let go of me, you freaks!" Cell demanded, thrashing wildly against his captors. "Why are you even listening to him? He's a monster, he – hey!"
He let out an aggressive snarl as the ogres threw him down onto Hell's floor and looked at him sternly.
"No rebelling, otherwise you go in the cocoon." One of them said.
"Huh! Really? You're going to put me in a cocoon now?" Cell snorted. "Just try it, you know I'm stronger than every one of you!" He took a fighting stance and powered up, and glared fiercely at the ogres. "Now… I'm going to give you one last chance. Release Frieza, or I'll destroy every last one of you."
"Can't release Frieza. It's against King Yemma's orders." One of them answered.
"So disobey him." Cell snarled.
"No! We can't do that!" The ogres gasped. "If we misbehave, we get punished."
"Punished?" Cell blinked.
"Yes!" The ogres nodded. "For example, we can't lie – otherwise he cuts off out tongues."
"What?" Cell frowned. "Seriously? Does he really do that?" He watched as the ogres nodded. "And you still like the guy?"
Cell waited for a response, but they didn't say anything. What? Why weren't they speaking? Was there something wrong with them? "I'm talking to you!" Cell barked impatiently. "Are you going to answer me?"
"We can't lie." One of the ogres said. "So… best to just not answer the question."
"Huh?" Cell blinked. Wait, what were they…? Did they… Did they actually not like King Yemma? Were they just doing what they were told because they were afraid of him…? … Oh – yeah, that had to be it! Well, this was perfect! Yeah! Cell had been all set for starting a riot down here if they didn't release Frieza, but why start a riot when he could start a mutiny? "You know…" Cell smirked, his eyes glowing in delight as he thought of the mayhem that was about to come. "My boys misbehave too sometimes, and you know what I do?" He folded his arms and grinned at the ogres wickedly. "I talk it out with them, and give them some chocolate. That's what should happen when you misbehave. You shouldn't get hurt."
"Huh…?" The ogres gasped. "Really…?"
"Of course." Cell replied sincerely. "It's what all families do."
"No!" One of the ogres looked at his siblings. "He's a convict – he's just trying to corrupt us."
"I am not!" Cell protested. "Look at Goku – his kids don't behave all the time, right? But do they still have their tongues?"
"…" The ogres looked at each other, and when they realised they didn't know the answer, they looked back at Cell. "Do they?"
"Yes!" Cell sighed. "Of course – how else could they talk?"
"… So… you're saying… we aren't treated fairly?" One of the ogres uttered.
"That's precisely what I'm saying." Cell nodded. "And if I were you, I wouldn't stand for it. You guys deserve to be more than just slaves, right?"
"Can't lie." The ogres replied robotically. "Best not to say anything."
"No – Guys, you do deserve to be more than slaves." Cell said. "You deserve to have lives of your own! And I can give them to you."
"You can…?" The ogres replied cautiously.
"Yes." Cell smirked, and his eyes twinkled wickedly. "Follow my lead…"
XXXXX
A short while later in King Yemma's office, the king of ogres was back to sorting souls when one of his guards approached him.
"King Yemma, there's a riot in Hell." He said.
"Oh, great…" King Yemma groaned.
"See – I told you Cell would start a riot over this." Fortune-teller Baba huffed. "It's no wonder his children are such brats if they have him as a role model."
"Yes, I know…" King Yemma sighed, and looked at the ogre. "How bad is it?"
"They're blowing up mountains and setting fire to the woods." The ogre replied. "And they're attacking people that try to stop them, and they're shouting 'Fuck you, King Yemma'."
"Huh! Charming!" King Yemma huffed. "Well then, tell the guards to get them under control."
"I'm talking about the guards." The ogre replied.
"What?"
XXXXX
"The… the thing is… thing is… … the thing is…" Meanwhile, back in a hotel bar on Earth, King Piccolo was swaying on his bar stool and attempting to form a coherent sentence. "When… when we first… when we got married, we just had sex." He took a swig from what was now his second bottle of Demon Juice, and sneered at Alex. "I mean like – all the time. All we ever did was sex. Like… all the time. Even… even before we got married, just… that's all we did."
"The honeymoon period…" Alex sighed, smiling fondly as he recalled that stage in his own relationship. "I sure miss that."
"Yeah… whatever. We're discussing me." King Piccolo grunted. "Here, just… just shut up and… and let me talk." He pushed the bottle of Demon Juice towards Alex, but when the young man attempted to take a drink for himself King Piccolo changed his mind. "No, you're not a demon." He took the bottle back, and took another swig. "Anyway, so… we don't do that anymore, because… because of Bass, but… but she's a bitch. Like, she's always… she's always just nag nag nag nag nag… all the time! I can't do anything!"
"Oh – yeah, my girlfriend's the same." Alex nodded. "When we first started dating she was all like 'oh yeah, go hang with the guys, it's cool'." He scoffed. "Now if I try to go out, she gets all clingy over it!"
"Yeah!" King Piccolo exclaimed. "That's what I'm talking about! I – I didn't change!"
"No, me neither!" Alex protested. "But suddenly, that's not okay anymore."
"Yes!" King Piccolo nodded. "Exactly! That's exactly what's happened!"
Alex let out a sigh, and looked at King Piccolo.
"You know what I did?" He said. King Piccolo shook his head and looked at Alex intently, hanging on his every word. "I took my life back."
"What, you… you killed her?" King Piccolo blinked.
"No!" Alex frowned. "Nothing that extreme! Look – you have to have your own thing. It's important, in any relationship."
"Yeah…?" King Piccolo uttered, still listening intently.
"Before I met my girlfriend, I used to go to play paintball with my buddies every Saturday." Alex said. "Now, on Saturdays she likes to do stuff together – but I just couldn't handle not doing my own thing, it drove me crazy! So… what we do now is, I spend most weekends with her, but every forth Saturday and Sunday me and the guys go away on a major paintball weekend."
"You do?" King Piccolo replied.
"Yeah." Alex nodded. "It's not much – and it's nothing like what I used to do, but… it's something, you know? You gotta have your own thing, otherwise you end up hating each other. It's good for her as well – when I'm away with the guys she goes off on a girl weekend, and by Monday we're looking forward to seeing each other again. It just keeps it fresh, you know?"
"Yeah…" King Piccolo grunted, his mind working at a steady pace through its drunken haze. "I… I think so." He looked at Alex. "So what are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is, before you met her – what did you do for fun?" Alex asked.
"Well, I… back when I was younger I… I ruled the world." King Piccolo answered. "Me and my army, we used to spread pain and suffering, and… and scare people." He grinned, fondly remembering the days of his youth, before he was sealed away in that bastard rice cooker. Stupid rice cooker…
"Okay, cool." Alex nodded, assuming that everything King Piccolo was saying was a euphemism for getting drunk with the guys and acting stupid. "So maybe you can't do that every week anymore, but you should set aside just one or two days a month when you get back with the guys. I mean – are you still in touch with them?"
"Well, they're… they're in Hell." King Piccolo answered.
"Sweet." Alex nodded, again assuming that 'Hell' was the name of some club King Piccolo used to frequent. "So maybe a couple of times a month just go to Hell, get the old gang back together and do all the crazy shit you used to do."
King Piccolo paused for a moment, thinking about it. So… what, Alex was suggesting that he…? … Yes. Yes, that made sense… If he was in Hell, he could do whatever he wanted! There would be no Frikiza to nag at him, or tell him that hurting people was wrong – and even if he did hurt anyone in Hell, who cares? They were in Hell, they deserved to be hurt! And there would be no Junior, or Goku… Fuck, why hadn't he thought of this himself? This was the greatest idea ever!
"Kid – you're a genius!" King Piccolo exclaimed. "C'mere!"
"Whoa!" Alex cried out as the giant King Piccolo leant across the bar and pulled him into a painful but well-meaning headlock.
"Yeah, I can go to Hell! I can see my boys!" King Piccolo declared. "And we can totally fuck the place up and torture people and – and it doesn't even matter because everyone's already dead!"
"Uh… yeah. Whatever." Alex sweat dropped, unable to work out what he could mean by that. "So, she won't mind if you trash Hell?"
"Nah, she won't care – it's not Earth, right? And everyone down there deserves to be trashed!" King Piccolo replied excitedly.
"What kind of club is this?" Alex thought to himself, completely unaware that a club existed where you could actually go and destroy the place without anybody saying anything. "That sounds cool!" He grinned inwardly. "Hey King Piccolo, where exactly is –"
"Thanks, Kid!" King Piccolo beamed, and slammed the bottle into Alex's hands. "You can finish this – I'm gonna be evil!" He bolted out of the bar at the speed of light, ready to quite literally raise some Hell.