WARNING! SUICIDE AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ARE WITHIN THIS CHAPTER!
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What is the point?
I am going to die soon.
I am going to disappear into the darkness.
I never meant… to disappoint
My friends or family, whom swoon
For freedom from this hell, stained in sadness.
Maybe… I should go.
Leave and vanish.
No one would know,
That it was my plan all along to extinguish
Everything about me.
So, leave me be.
I stared down in shock as the officers cuffed me once again. Cold metal dug into my wrists painfully. A tear slipped out of my eye and my mother, sitting in the back, stood and collapsed; her eyes wet, sobbing like a thunderstorm. I shook, nearly falling over like her. Autumn stormed out, crying. Ashley chased her. My father was nowhere to be seen, but likely grabbing tissues for Gail. I was led to a police car.
The ride to prison was short, and on the way, I was told exactly the terms of my captivity. I would be allowed to live for one month and then I would be executed on the twenty-second of May; ironically, that's my birthday. I would be allowed to carry some seizure medication around die to the severity of my seizures and the unpredictability of them, but a guard had to be near me at all times so that I wouldn't sell the pills to any other prisoners. Like I would. I need those pills.
When I arrived at the prison, an overly hyper and oddly happy guard came up and greeted me.
"Hello! I am Jannet! I am going to be following you around this month, okay?" Jannet was plump, her blonde hair was chopped short and piercing blue smiled at me.
I nodded at her, allowing her to lead me in. I was ordered to strip as they checked over my body for any weapons I could have snuck in, they then led me to the showers. I was instructed that I would have ten minutes to shower. I entered.
The shower room was almost entirely metal, they had separate showers, and in each shower, they had the same things. A bar of soap resting in a slightly sharp soap dish, clearly fragile; A shower head; a shower stool, and a rope to hang your orange jumpsuit from. I looked over my pockets, pulling out my pills.
It's now or never.
The showers had no curtains around them, so If I didn't do it now, then I never would be able to…
I have to do it now.
I would rather die of my own accord than be executed like some animal…
I popped open my pill bottle, grabbing a large handful of pills, starting the shower water as I stripped, not caring to hang up my jumpsuit. I swallowed them with mouthfuls of shower water. I then looked around, there is no guarantee that I will die for sure just by some pills… I grabbed the soap dish, slipping as I tried to keep a hold of it. I placed it against my wrist, cutting up from there to my elbows. It hurt so bad. Like a fire burning me up. I then sliced open the heels of my feet; shakily, I dropped the dish, slipping on it and falling.
"Are you OK?!" Jannet called from outside of the showers.
"I'm fine. Just fell."I answered her, crying. I used the rope to pull me up. I then got an idea. The rope was hung from the ceiling, so it wouldn't be too hard…
I grabbed the rope and tied it into a noose, slipping it on over my head as I stood on the shower stool. I kicked it out from under me.
Yes. This is how I would rather die.
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