Lupe's POV;
I was dressed and present at the venue within an hour. I'd managed to avoid running into anyone so far, but the night was still young.
I sighed and grabbed someone's drumsticks that they'd left in Fall For Deceit's dressing room, softly tapping them on one of the brown sofas that littered the room. It was actually a pretty decent size, considering we were the bottom bill band.
"Hey, I was looking for those, thanks!" A voice sounded in the open doorway, and I froze. Rian.
I heard him cross the doorway, and from the stopping of his foot-falls, I guessed he was right behind me.
"Um, yeah. Sorry" I dropped them straight into his open hands, without looking up or coming out from behind my hair, which had fallen across my face.
"It's cool man, oh and are you coming to the after party at ours tonight?" I didn't understand why Rian continued in such a friendly tone, don't you hate me?
"I... I um, didn't know I was invited" I stuttered, rubbing my palms over my knees as the tension built,
"Why wouldn't you?" He laughed softly, no doubt showing that famous 50 watt smile, "You're our little Lupeykins"
It was so hard, so very hard not to look up at him, to see whether he was lying to me, or not. It was killing me inside as I simply shrugged.
"Hey" He whispered, sitting down next to me "What's up? Jack was really worried when you didn't come over and speak to us, and then at sound check Zack said you almost ran from there, what's wrong?"
I stayed silent, trying to control my breathing, to control my thoughts.
"Please, just tell me. I thought we were friends"
"Don't you hate me?" I whispered, surprised at how much it sounded like I was in pain in those four words,
"Wait, what?!" Rian almost shouted, "I could never hate you! None of us could! You're like our little sister"
I gave into the temptation, and looked him straight in the eye; "Alex" was all I could manage before I flushed and looked straight back down, allowing my hair to reclaim its place on my face.
The silence coming from Rian told me as much, maybe in a moment of confusion he forgot about the burning hate he should have for me, for what I did to Alex.
*flashback*
"Alex, look, I can't okay. I can't be with you!" I cried, as he pushed me up against the wall with his words.
"What do you mean?" He shouted, bawling his hands into fists, "You always come running to me, to me, when everything fucks up with Him, and yet you can't be with me?!" He couldn't even bring himself to say Andy's name.
I looked straight at him, feeling a tear escape from the corner of my eye. Yes, me and Andy were never 100%, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape Alex. But, I knew what I had to say to make him go.
"I don't love you"
He froze
"I never loved you. You were a distraction. I was bored, and you, you were there" I breathed out, trying to keep my face straight.
"I hate you" He said as he turned and left, slamming the door. The only sound bounding off the walls in the silence as I cried.
*end flashback*
"I never really believed it" Rian paused, "What he said, you, you're just not like that. You wouldn't"
"I did"
Without warning Rian cupped my face and pulled it up so I had no choice but to look him in the eye "I know it's not you" He said, sounding out all the words, "You didn't mean it"
I tried to shake my head, to deny what he said, but he just looked at me, "You love him, the mess you're in proves it"
I opened my mouth but nothing came out, all the emotions came tumbling down on top of me and I couldn't breathe, and then everything came running out of my eyes, all the pain and the loss, being abandoned by Andy when I finally chose him, Alex, and it came out in the form of my tears.
"Sh, it's okay" I heard Rian whisper as he pulled me into a hug, his words barely register over the loud noise in my head as an inner war was being fought out with no winning side. "Just tell him. Tell them both, it'll be okay. If they truly love you, they'll understand"
"But what if I lose them both?" I asked in between my sobs,
He smiled and shook his head sadly, "then they weren't yours in the first place"
A/N;
So, I really dislike fanfictions that don't include all the band members equally, and I know very well that I don't include Rian or Zack a huge amount, so I'm fixing that a bit more.
Oh, and the climax to this story is slow building, but it will be done by chapter 30. Thats what I'm aiming for. It's almost over! :D