"Wake up beautiful," a soft adoring voice coaxed. I felt my hair being brushed back lightly. A smile flittered across my face. My eyes blinked open to see Edward's face smiling softly at me. He had his head propped up with his elbow and was resting on the white pillows, bare-chested.

"Mmm," I hummed as I stretched my legs out. I wasn't quite anticipating the soreness in between in my legs. It felt something along the lines of the first time I had rode a horse, when I woke up I had been so stiff. I wasn't awake enough to be startled, and when I looked back at Edward the memories that led to the soreness flowed through my mind.

Last night. I grinned sleepily. Edward had been so tender and loving that my decision to give myself to him was only reassured. I don't know if his intention had been to wind up making love on a cliff at sunset. But whether it was or wasn't didn't make a difference to the perfection of my first time.

My toes curled at the thought of Edward. I had never experienced the sensations he made me feel yesterday. They were amazing and just thinking about his lips and hands made me shiver with pleasure, and anticipation. I realized that we could do that for the rest of our lives. Oh the possibilities. . .

"Hi," I grinned, speaking quietly because loud voices would disrupt our content bubble.

"Hey," he smiled back. I closed my eyes as he leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead. When he moved back, I opened my eyes and scooted into him, wanting contact. Edward's arms wrapped around my naked body while he settled back against the pillows with me against his chest.

He buried his face in my hair. "How are you?" he asked quietly yet full of concern.

I hummed as I snuggled closer against his warm muscular chest, "Incredible," I breathed.

"You'd tell me if you felt any pain," Edward stated. I wasn't sure if it was a question or a demand. But it didn't matter. I nodded against him.

"I love you," I said placidly.

The grip Edward had on me tightened while remaining soft and protective, "You've given me the meaning of love." I turned my head up so I could place a kiss on his marvelous lips. He broke away before I did and tucked my head under his chin.

This was the strangest thing. It did not feel like this was my life. It felt like this should be done by actors and scripted by Oscar winners. But this was me, and here I had a man who loved me so painfully much and knew all the right things to say in any occasion.

I had expected that we would become closer, I mean sex does that. But I didn't expect to feel so utterly connected with Edward's soul. Three days ago I could have told him anything, it might have been awkward and I might have felt uncomfortable but I could talk to him. But now, I wanted him to know my deepest secrets, I wanted him to know what I thought about the most intimate of things. We had been together, completely vulnerable and as a result I trusted him impossibly more.

"I'm glad I waited for you," I mumbled, closing my eyes again.

"So am I," he kissed my head to accent the point, "so am I."

After about an hour of rolling around in bliss under the sheets together we agreed it was time for breakfast. Without a thought I slipped out of the warm bed and was met with the cool air wrapping around my skin. Edward's bag was lying discarded on the side of the bed I had slept on so I walked toward it and unzipped it. I grabbed the shirt on top and slid it on over my body.

Edward, clad in a pair of boxers looked at me as I met him in the kitchen, with nothing but his dress shirt on. I blushed shyly, ducking my head. Edward paused for a second, not moving. I felt is eyes on me. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look really fucking sexy."

I bit my lip and smiled up at him. He was grinning crookedly at me from where he stood in the kitchen. I padded across the wooden floor to perch on the stool at the counter. Edward was pouring some kind of juice in a class. I raised an eyebrow as he handed it to me.

"Cranberry juice," he answered as I took the glass lightly out of his hand.

I was about to tell him that I hated that juice with such a ferocious passion when I stopped. I had read about the effects of cranberry in one of Esme's women magazines. "And why am I drinking cranberry juice?" I asked, not taking a sip of it, but instead grimacing at it.

Edward obviously had read the same magazine as I had. He winked with a cocky smirk. "I was planning on having more fun this weekend."

I can't say I wasn't pleasantly surprised. I had been worried that Edward would be freaking out about the whole "losing virginity" thing and wouldn't touch me again. But I was so glad he wouldn't be asking how I felt every five seconds. That would be like giving someone the best piece of cake in the world and telling them they could only have a lick of the frosting.

I just smiled brightly at him. And then I gulped down the god forsaken juice.

Edward and I had a perfect weekend. It was probably some of the best days of my life, and if not, definitely in the top ten. But then again, that ten all consisted of days I was with him. We went to some of the lighthouses in the Duluth area and went hiking to some secluded waterfalls. Then we ate at a few gorgeous restaurants, Edward insisting he had the need to treat me.

And then when we weren't out on the bustling town or outside on the lake we were inside, in our bedroom. Sex was awesome.

I mean plain and simple, it was the most fun thing ever. Edward blew me away. I didn't have any expectations because I had no one that I would compare him to. But that didn't mean I wasn't positive that no one had it as good as me. He really was completely amazing. He was the most tender, gentle lover. But he was also fun; he laughed and said things that made me laugh, and he also was rough with a softness beneath it at the right times. I was certain that some high school jock had nothing on Edward. Edward made me feel, without a doubt, the most coveted women on the planet.

On our last morning there, I woke up alone. I looked around, wondering where the hell Edward had gone. But when I looked out the window overlooking the lake I saw Edward in a t-shirt and boxers leaning against the railing of the porch, unmoving. Curious and slightly concerned, I wrapped one of the blankets around my body, covering myself on the off chance of being seen. Then I went out through the sliding door and out into the crisp morning air. Edward must have heard the door, but he didn't turn, he just continued to stare out at the still blue water.

"Why'd you leave?" I asked as I leaned against the railing next to him, mirroring his position.

"I didn't know you'd wake up this early," he said without turning to face me.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

"The future," Edward said, his emotions kept well hidden from his tone and me.

"Oh," I said. I hated thinking about the future, it honestly scared me. But I hated thinking about the past because it made me rather doleful. I tended to live life day to day, which was sometimes nice but other times a weakness.

"And what have you come up with?" I asked, almost frightened. But I wanted to know. We had never really broached the subject of what would happen when he returned next June. Mostly because the thought, "return next June," scared the shit out of me.

"Nothing. I have no clue what I want to happen, other than you," he finally looked over at me, I met his gaze and tried to understand him through his eyes. It wasn't often when Edward was unsure, or even, -though the tiniest amount- frightened.

"Well, you have me." I slipped my arms around one of his comfortingly, all the while trying to keep my blanket up. "And even though I don't want you to go, you're leaving in a week. We'll have plenty of time to decide what we're going to do after that." I rested my head on his bicep.

Edward didn't say anything for a long time. Instead he just rested his head on top of mine. And we stood there in the rising morning sun, unmoving.

"Do you want me to stay in the army?" The words were asked with a curious vulnerbility. I could tell he hadn't made a decision yet. And I knew what I said would affect that. I thought slowly, choosing my words carefully. I had feelings, but I wasn't going to let them stop him.

"I am so, incredibly proud of you. You are strong and brave. And I know you do what's right. And you're also stubborn as hell; I know in the end you'll do what you want. And I'll support you."

Edward nuzzled my cheek with his nose and made me crack a smile. "You're lying. You have a yes or no answer."

"Not a definite one. . ." I grinned, leaning up to place a butterfly kiss on his lips. He surprised me and held my lips to his, entering into the beginning of a very passionate kiss.

"We have a couple hours till we need to be gone," Edward breathed against my face as he broke away for air before going to kiss and nip the skin on my neck. His voice was husky and full of lust that accented his desire filled eyes.

"How convieient for you," I said saucily as my instincts began to kick my thoughts out.

"What?" he asked as his tongue slid out behind my ear after he nipped at my ear lobe.

In answer to his question I moved my arms away from his and spread them out. He looked me, his eyes full of passion and wondering what I was doing. With a sly grin I dropped the blanket and it fell away from my body, completely exposing me. Edward's eyes widened as I smirked. Then he attacked my lips with his while his hands went down to cup my ass, covering it from the peeping birds and squirrels. And that was that.

I was sad to leave the house. I loved Duluth and I had gotten very attached to the house. I mean, the first house you walk around naked in will stick with you your entire life. . .well maybe not. But I didn't want to go back to reality; I didn't want to go home to Carlisle and Esme or anyone for that matter. I didn't want to leave because that would mean I would be closer to Edward leaving.

But our drive home was nice. We listened to music and talked about the current stuff, our favorite genres and such. Then we talked about the classes I would be taking in the fall and what colleges I was looking at so far. I loved having someone listen whole heartedly to me talk. And Edward was interested in what I had to say, he listen well and asked questions occasionally which kept me speaking for hours. I was almost surprised when we pulled into the driveway.

The rest of the afternoon passed by without much of anything happening. Carlisle and Esme, well Esme, wanted to hear about the house and what we did (sightseeing terms.) And then after a nice small dinner we all went off to bed. I hadn't really realized that Edward would still be sleeping in his room. I spent most of the time getting ready for bed contemplating if I should go into his room. I was sure Carlisle would not be thrilled and Esme might not be either. But I didn't want to waste any nights I had with Edward in the country.

I crawled into my bed, missing Edward already, even though he was three doors down. I laid there in the dark for a few minutes. And then finally I decided to screw it, I was about to the throw the covers of my bed off and march down the hallway –in a very quiet march- when I heard a noise.

It was coming from outside in the backyard where I had a small deck overlooking the yard. I slid out of bed and walked across the room to the door that led to the porch. I hated night time because I was always convinced there was a murderer in the house, even though it had gotten better with Edward. Braving the night, I opened the door and stepped outside in the breeze and looked off the balcony.

And alas there was Edward.

Climbing up a rope suspended from the balcony.

Should have seen this coming. . .

"Edward!" I hissed, not sure if Carlisle and Esme's window was opened, "what the hell are you doing?"

"What the fuck does it look like I am doing?" he snapped in frustration. Point of clarification here; he was climbing using a ski rope. A very thin one. Not like the ones used in your gym class. And it didn't seem to be working out too well. "I'm sneaking into your room!"

"See…that's why people, -just in general- use doors!"

"Shut up and appreciate the Disney princess aspect of this gesture," Edward complained as he started to get up the thin rope.

"You know," I started, suddenly feeling very sassy, "for someone who went through military training, you think you'd be just a little quicker with this."

"I'm sure the army would be thrilled to know I'm using their skills in the real world," Edward said, his voice oozing with sarcasm.

"More like. . . attempting," I reworded for him, a smirk threatening to come out, "and clearly failing by the way."

"Holy shit. Shut up; it's like one in the morning and here I am climbing up your windowsill like Prince fucking Charming and you are mocking me!" Edward griped being unintentionally comical.

"You know, I never really got the whole fantasy of Prince Charming. Disney guys in general taught only sexism, strength, and dominance to determine masculinity and as a result the young smart boys of today whose mother's made them watch those movies will feel physically inadequate and in the end result in violence. Plus Prince Charming taught girls if they're helpless some rich guy will definitely come in and save them." I told Edward, completely serious.

Edward, still wrestling to get up the rope froze. I looked down curiously as he stared at me shock and then exasperation and then annoyance.

"What. The. Hell. You've got to be fucking kidding me Bella."

I raised my eyebrows as he began his struggle again. Then I shook my head. "No, I was serious. Maybe if you were going for a more manly approach, I wouldn't be mocking you."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I asked with bright oblivion.

"Stop talking."

Once Edward managed to actually get on to the balcony I let him in the bedroom, glad he was here, though not above teasing him. I was flattered he had something against doors. I didn't want to sleep in my bed alone, I wanted to cuddle with him and fall asleep in his warmth. And that's exactly what I did.

Edward snuck into my bedroom for the next week leading up to his departure. The one time I was feeling risky enough for a quick. . .session. . .Edward decided that he suddenly feared Carlisle. I tried to tell him no, he's a doctor, he's really not intimidating, and he's down with the whole losing virginity thing. But Edward was adamant; Carlisle was a doctor and could in fact kill him and make it look like an accident. So. We mostly just laid in each other's arms.

The week was actually nice. I had been surprised, thinking that it would be awful and we would both be so depressed that we would consume our weight in ice cream while watching The Office marathon, but, no such thing happened.

We went out on a four wheeling excursion one day, we trailed through the woods competitively and then ate a lunch in the middle of the woods. The day after that we went to the mall. Mostly because we both wanted something normal about our relationship, and normal people went to the mall. I made a mental note of some of the things Edward said would be useful at base. We went to the movies and dinner after that.

Then, on a particularly rainy day, Jasper and Alice came over to the house and we had a Stars Wars marathon. I discovered Edward was a diehard, complete nerd. But, any guy who appreciates Star Wars more than Star Trek, deserves my respect, and evidently my undying love. . .

And then we started getting closer to the day he was leaving. Two days before he had to leave we went to a Twins baseball game, again with Alice and Jasper. Even though I grew up in Ohio, and lived in Wisconsin for awhile I liked the Minnesota Twins. They had a new outdoor stadium, and it was a beautiful day to be outdoors. Edward and I had taken a cell phone picture and texted it in and ended up making the big screen. Which made me take a cell phone picture of that.

Before I knew it, it was my last afternoon with Edward. His flight would be in the morning. And then he'd be on a plane flying 8000 thousands miles away to the Asian desert of Iraq, entering a war zone once again.

That thought just made me a cheery person.

I had decided that Edward had grown used to home cooked, good food and he shouldn't just be cut off from it. So, I started to bake furiously. I was baking every type of cookie that he had ever said he liked from chocolate chip to peppermint to snicker doodle. I was trying to figure out the best way to pack them so they wouldn't get cracked and smashed. So far I had no ideas.

My lemon cookies were in the oven when I decided to go upstairs to Edward's room where he currently was. When I got into the room he was sitting on his bed, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together in front of him as he stared over at the two of his duffel bags.

I didn't say anything, and he didn't either, even though he knew I was standing right in front of him. I casually crossed my arms and leaned over against the frame of the door, watching him.

Edward finally looked over at me, he was frowning, almost in disappointment. I met his eyes, sharing it with him. "Come here," he requested softly, opening his arms up as I strode across the room to him. I perched on one of his legs as he pulled me in into him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and held onto to him, burying my face into his hair.

"Are you sure you want to say goodbye at the airport?" he asked after about five minutes of silence in which the room started to smell like lemons, "I don't want you to have to drive home alone. . ."

"Don't. Not right now," I pleaded, hugging him tighter. "If we start talking about this now then I won't be able to make it till tomorrow."

Edward nodded against me and pulled me tighter, kissing my neck.

I slid off of his knee and slipped out of his grasp and went to stand in between his spread legs. My hands slid up his neck as I leaned down to press my lips fiercely against his. We both were in need of a distraction, and let's face it, baking was doing squat to help.

Our kiss deepened almost instantly. I let out a quiet moan as Edward went to cup the curve of my ass. But he didn't stop there, his hands slid under my skirt so that we were skin on skin as he fondled it. I kissed him back harder, my hands going to his collar on his shirt to pull him closer.

Edward's hands skimmed down to my thighs and in one swift movement, he had pulled me up so that I was straddling him. I curled my legs around his back. I smirked against his lips as I adjusted the position. Now that I was sitting on his lap I could feel the affect I was having on him.

Just as Edward's lips started traveling down to my neck the timer keeping track of the cookies baking went off in simultaneous, irritating beeps. I groaned in frustration and was about to make a move to get off of Edward and get the cookies out. But Edward pulled me closer, unaffected by it and continued to suck on my neck.

"The house is going to burn down," I panted, losing will as my primal instincts kicked reason's ass.

"Did you use the oven timer?" Edward asked breathlessly before continuing his assault on my neck and collarbone.

"Yeah," I answered, my body arching into his, making him moan as a result of my breasts being pushed in his face.

"Then the oven shut off automatically," Edward said certainly. His hands slid up my back to where the clasp of my bra was, making quick work of it. I pressed against him, sitting completely topless on his lap. His hands slid around my waist and up to cup each of my breasts. I moaned loudly.

"But they'll be ruined," I argued. The sex deprived part of my mind screamed at me to shut the fuck up. I was agreeing with that side.

Edward pinched one of my nipples sharply between his fingers, making me yelp at the sensation. "Good thing I don't like lemons." His tongue swirled out to trace the skin around my nipple on one of my breasts. I groaned, rubbing across his denim lap, needing relief.

"Oh? I quite. . .enjoy lemons. . ." I trailed off into a loud moan as he took the erect peak into his mouth and started to suck roughly. I continued to rock in need of friction on his lap.

"Well," Edward said sexily as he started to move to my other side, his tongue trailing slowly from one to the next, "I suppose I could help you get your fill." I grinned and we plunged back on the bed. In the process Edward swiftly kicked his packed duffle bags off of his bed, making us both forget about what was going to happen tomorrow morning.

The rest of the afternoon I managed to hold myself together. Sex with Edward help distract me thoroughly. Twice. Esme was extra chatty at dinner that evening and Carlisle was extra quiet. I knew Esme was almost as sad as I was that Edward was going. And in his own little way, I knew that Carlisle was going to miss him as well.

After our late dinner Edward and I went upstairs to repack his bags since all of his clothes and stuff fell out when we were using his bed. It didn't take us long to silently get it all back in place. When we were finished Edward pulled me in a tight hug, his arms engulfing me. He started to talk, say something about leaving but I stopped him, still not ready to talk about his coming departure.

I went back downstairs to pack up all of the cookies for him and his squad. I figured a tuper ware container would work the best. I packed as many as I could in one, before taking out another one and stuffing that one as well. Wordlessly Edward helped me.

Before I knew it, the sun had set. I knew I had to shower tonight because I wouldn't have time in the morning. I left Edward to say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme while I went up to shower. Numbly I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into my shower, the scalding water stinging my body instantly. I lathered shampoo into my hair, my body on autopilot as I thought about Edward.

The pain I felt knowing that Edward was leaving was so awful that I couldn't put it into words; all I could do was helplessly feel it. It was like when my parents passed away. In my creative writing, we were supposed to write about the most intense experience of our lives, and I couldn't describe it. The only person who could know how I felt were other army girlfriends and wives.

Before I could fight it, my emotions crashed over me, drowning me. I slid down the side of the shower, the water continuing to pour on me as I started to cry.

I hated change. I was the worst at it. I liked things to stay exactly the way they were. I mean, after I graduated from elementry school, I went into a depression because I would be going to middle school. Not because I was scared, because I didn't want my kid years to be over. I was doing the same thing now, I desperated needed more time with Edward, because I would be losing him.

I had gone through enough change over the years. It hardly seems fair that I should lose my parents, move to an entirely new state and have to start a new life. And then, when I finally find a guy who I love more than anything, he's going to leave for a year. I didn't know what I would do without him.

A year. 12 months. 56 weeks. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525,600 minutes, and 31,536,000 seconds. I couldn't wrap my mind around how long of a time that was. I just knew that I wouldn't be seeing Edward for what would feel like forever. I could feel my freshly healed and bright heart beginning to break. The familiar pain of seperation began to creep through my body.

I depended on Edward. He had become my world. And now he was going. It wasn't fair that the one guy I could actually open myself up to love with my whole heart had to leave me and was powerless to do anything else. My cries soon turned into sobs. I hadn't allowed myself to cry since I'd realized I was in love with Edward. I knew it was coming, I had known it was coming before he even arrived. But now it was here, and I was handling it so much worse than I should have.

I continued to cry, trying and failing to stop it. I brought my knees up to my chest and tried to muffle the sound of my anguish. I didn't want them to hear me downstairs. I doubted they'd be able to, but I didn't want Edward to hear me. It would stress him out when he got to Iraq knowing that I would be here, missing him so unbearably much. I didn't want him stressed or worried, I wanted him to focus on staying alive.

It just wasn't fucking fair! I wanted Edward with me so badly. That was the only conscious thought I had. Why me? Why did God give me this amazing man, only to have him leave me again?

It was hard to stop my mind from picturing things. And when I did, I only cried more vigourously. What if Edward never came home? What if this was the last night I would have with him? I would have to live with those thoughts for the next 12 months.

Suddenly the shower curtain was pulled back loudly and I looked up, startled as my cries were temporarily quieted. Edward stood there, his face fell into a state of misery. It made my heart break as he took in my sorrow. I started to cry harder, the water still cascading around me. I buried my face so I didn't have to see Edward in pain. It felt like I could no longer breathe, and my throat was closing in. I chanced a glance up and gathered air, just in time to see Edward, all of his clothes on, stepping into the shower, not bothering to turn off the water.

Edward slid down next to me, his shirt and jeans darkening from the continuous stream of rain. He wrapped one of his arms around my bare body and pulled me into his chest. I couldn't move out of my fetal position, so instead he reached so he could put his other arm around me as well. His body completely shielded me from the rain, as he silently let me cry into him, my world crashing down around me.

Edward was my shield, my rock and my brave soldier. He stayed with me through the night, and held me as I eventually fell to sleep. Edward was all I needed. And I had no idea how I would be able to go on without him by my side.

And there you stand opened heart-opened doors
Full of life with the world that's wanting more.
But I can see when the lights start to fade,
The day is done and your smile has gone away.

Let me raise you up.
Let me be your love.

May I hold you, as you fall to sleep,
When the world is closing in, and you can't breathe.
May I love you.
May I be your shield.
When no one can be found
May I lay you down.
May I, Trading Yesterday

-I don't think I have much to say...again, sorry for some editting mistakes, my beta now has a boyfriend, a job and golf...-sighs-
-Edward actually leaves next chapter. . .so bring your tissues girls!