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Thank You to everyone who commented on my last chapter. I hope you are all having a good Saturday and I hope you enjoy this update…

Derek's Point of View

Right now, I don't think I've ever been so angry at my mother. I know she was right. I needed to leave Meredith's side for an hour, get a shower, a shave and grab something to eat. That's exactly what I've done but I hate the fact I have not been with her for the past hour. Mom promised me she would have me paged if she woke up but whether she is awake or not, I want to be there. I want it to be my face that she sees first. I want it to be me that she confides in. I want it to be me who she allows to comfort her. I want it to be me.

I know that's selfish. Alex did a great job of helping Meredith earlier but a small part of me had been envious that she had confided in him, not me. That much had been clear the moment I had walked in and seen the way he was holding her. It's stupid to be jealous because I know for a fact that Meredith and Alex see each other as nothing other than brother and sister.

However, when Alex walked out the door, all I could think was, 'How would I cope if Meredith fell in love with someone else?' How could I possibly deal with that? Would I even be able to pretend that I was happy for her?

It's stupid to jump the gun considering she isn't even out of the ICU yet but my mind can't help itself. My mind has had nothing but time to wander down various avenues. Avenue's that I hadn't even considered until they were sprung upon me when I had the free time to allow my mind to think. I get that I'm over thinking everything. I understand that I'm worried. Somehow, that isn't stopping me from doing it. I just can't help myself.

Somehow, I'm going to have to because Meredith needs me as her best friend, not someone who is desperate to claim his undying love for her. That just sounds way too corny but it is true. I really want to tell her because even if she doesn't feel the same way – which she probably won't – then I can find a way to accept that and move on but still find a way to have her in my life. It's the uncertainty of it all that's killing me but I can't be selfish here because Meredith's first priority is to recover and my priority is helping Meredith to do just that. I refuse to let her do this alone which I know she will try to do because if there is one thing that I know will not have changed is Meredith Grey's stubbornness. It's who she is. She's always been like that and it was one of the many reasons I fell in love with her.

Uh…stop it, Derek!

"Hey sweetheart," Mom smiles at me as she continues to knit whatever it is she's knitting. "You look so much better."

"Hey mom," I sigh, walking into the room, I have grown accustom to over the past week. "No change?"

"Still sleeping soundly," Mom whispers from the chair I usually sit at. I come forward and give mom a kiss on the cheek before leaning over the bed to give Meredith a kiss on the cheek too. "Dr Altman says that sleep is the best thing for her to be doing right now."

"Yeah," I nod, gently sitting on the bed beside Meredith's legs, taking her hand in mine. I always do this. It has become a habit. One I am learning to enjoy.

"Don't worry Sweetheart. She'll be awake soon," Mom assures me. I turn from looking at Meredith to see my mom smiling at me. "I heard a little story from one of the nurses ten minutes ago."

"Oh yeah?" I question, knowing what is coming.

"Apparently someone got herself out of bed by some miracle. She managed to get herself dressed and made it out into the hallway before collapsing. The nurse even mentioned something about stitches being popped," My Mom laughs.

"Why are you laughing?" I ask with shock. How could she laugh at something like that? "Mom, she is on 100% oxygen right now. She's supposed to be getting weaned off of it. The levels aren't supposed to be brought back up," I argue but Mom continues to smile at me. What the hell am I missing?

"Oh Derek," she sighs with a smile, placing her knitting beside me on the bed. "Don't you see? Don't you get it?"

No, I clearly don't!

Mom must see my confusion as she decides to continue. "Derek, what do we always say about Meredith? She has fire. She fights for what she believes in but she is also…"

"…stubborn," I finish for her, feeling a smile play on my lips.

"Meredith is barely awake from heart surgery and is already insistent on getting ready herself and going a walk to find you," My mom laughs lightly. "I'm not saying it isn't serious or what she did is right but for me, it means that my daughter is still in there, fighting like she always has. To me, it means that she has a long recovery in front of her but she'll get there. She may have been wrong today Derek," Mom sighs softly. "But it has given me hope because the feisty girl we all fell in love with all those years ago is still in there."

"That's true," I nod with a smile. "I never really thought of it like that."

"That's because you are so worried about her," Mom observes, "Which is more than understandable."

"Thanks mom," I murmur.

"Nothing to thank me for," Mom shrugs. "Now, did Mark take you down stairs for something to eat?" She asks me expectantly.

"Of course," I chuckle. "He told me he was under strict instructions from you that if I didn't eat then he was to force feed me."

"That boy," Mom says, making a tutting sound. "I said no such thing."

"Yeah right," I mock lightly.

"Derek Shepherd, you do not mock your mother," She chastises me lightly.

"I'm not." I feign innocence.

"Uh-huh," she nods, giving me a knowing look.

"What? I'm not," I defend myself, trying not to laugh.

"You're becoming as bad as Mark," she laughs.

"Hey!" I breathe in shock. "That's low mom. That was low."

""You're two peas in a pod. Always have been and always will be," Mom smiles at me with a look of pride.

"That's not true," I try to defend myself, taking a glance at the monitor that is monitoring Meredith's OB's.

"It's true," Mom smiles. "Meredith knew that better than anyone and she hadn't even met Mark," Mom adds. "She managed to bring you two together the way no one else could."

"I know," I murmur, continuing to watch Meredith closely. Even though she looked as gaunt and unhealthy as ever, I could still see the Meredith I fell in love with all those years ago. "It's funny," I whisper.

"What is dear?" Mom asks me curiously.

"I used to constantly get at her for eating so much unhealthy food. I would have a real go at her anytime I found out she had cold pizza or left over grilled cheese for breakfast. Now, I would give anything to see her eat a slice of pizza or a big slice of hot chocolate fudge cake. She's so skinny Mom," I murmur sadly.

"She's malnourished Derek," Mom whispers. "It's to be expected of someone…of someone who…who has lived on the streets."

"I know," I sigh, reaching forward to grab Mom's hand with my free one. "We'll help her through it though. And let's face it, once she is home and smells your home cooking, there is no way we'll be worrying about her weight."

"Fudge cake," I hear Meredith croak from the bedside making mum gasp and stand from the chair as I turn to see Meredith's eyes flutter open. "See, I told you," I smile at Mom. "Not long out of surgery and she already wants your home made fudge cake," I whisper, keeping my eyes focused on Meredith who I know will try and move that oxygen mask any second.

"And brownies," she smiles through the mask.

"I think that can be arranged," I smile down at her.

"Hey Mom," she whispers hesitantly, turning her head slightly to face her.

"Hey sweetheart," Mom murmurs with tears streaming down her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she nods slightly, going to move the mask.

"No, Mer," I assert. "That needs to stay on. Not enough oxygen is getting into your lungs without it," I whisper, continuing to watch her closely. She looks sad and unsure what to say next. She's going to start crying any minute if I don't steer the conversation onto a happy topic.

"Is there anything we can get for you sweetheart?" Mom asks, walking around to the other side of the bed and taking Meredith's other hand.

"No," she whispers, shaking her head slightly.

"Cristina's been in and out the past few hours to see if you're awake. She's desperate to see you," Mom smiles. "You know what she's like. She has to be the first in," Mom laughs and although I watch Meredith smile slightly, I am drawn to the fear I see deep in her eyes. "All the girls send their love," Mom assures her. "Amelia's staying here just now so hopefully, if you're up for it, you can see her a little later."

"Okay," Meredith nods but I can see the reluctance in her eyes.

"Are you sure there's nothing we can get you?" I ask her. I am desperate to do something to help. "Do you need some more pain relief? Do you want me to move the bed so you're sitting up slightly?"

"Si…sit..up," Meredith breathes.

"Okay," I nod, squeezing her hand as I move off of the bed to grab the remote and hit the button to tilt Meredith up slightly as Mom leans behind Meredith to adjust her pillows.

"There," Mom breathes, standing back. "Is that better?"

Meredith nods before she looks back at me.

"What's wrong?" I ask, feeling panic rise within me. "Do you want some pain relief?" I ask again as I see Mom hit the morphine pump before Meredith could even answer.

"Expla…expl…explan…" Meredith tries to get out but can't seem to muster the strength.

"Explanation?" I query gently, sitting on the bed just like before. "You want me to explain?" I ask her, as she looks between Mom and I with frightened, bulging eyes.

"Maybe now is not the right time for this," Mom whispers, clearly unsure that explaining things to Meredith right now would be the best move. But Alex's words from earlier still haunt me. I could run the risk of losing her once again if I don't tell her. None of us will be able to fob her off for long. Furthermore, she deserves to know the truth. If I keep putting it off and she doesn't get the answers she wants then that could add unnecessary strain. I can't do that to her.

"Please," Meredith pleads, glancing between Mom and me. As she makes that pleading sound, I feel my heart break at the sound. I can't deny her what she wants, even if it ends up hurting us both in the process.

"Okay," I sigh reluctantly, sharing a wary glance with Mom as she sits on the other side of me, mirroring my tense body as we both keep a firm grip of Meredith's hands.

"What…What happened to Michael?" Meredith breathes out looking panicked as Mom and I look at her stunned.

Oh Shit!

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