Chapter 25: Becoming Us
It was late in the evening when I finished settling back into the guest room. I had talked more with Ally's dad about my parents and what my dad had said that night. If felt so good to tell someone. Someone I could trust. We talked for hours. It was the most I've ever talked to Mr. Dawson. I liked it.
Penny came lightly through the door after knocking three times. She gave me a hopeful smile. Knowing Mr. Dawson had told her everything, I nodded as if to display my knowledge that she knew.
"Dinner will be ready in a few, honey. Come down when you're ready."
"Thanks, mom."
The word slipped and fell so naturally. I didn't know what I said until it was in the air. I looked up to see how her face reacted to my calling her my mother.
"Your welcome, hon."
She smiled warmly.
All in an instant, I felt the hole in my heart begin to close. She left the room, filling my heart with joy. I fell back onto the soft mattress and smiled. I love Ally's mom.
When my daydream came to a close, I found myself wandering over to Ally's room.
My fingers glided softly across the familiar piano. It had been so long since I've been in here. My eyes landed on a medium sized poster decorated with magazine cutouts. The board was headlined: Dream Board.
Among the cutouts of famous cities, and suburban houses was a letter. As my eyes focused on the white paper, I noticed it wasn't just any letter, but a letter from the University of Central Florida. It was a letter of acceptance. My heart panged at the sight of the college from which I had been rejected. It was official. The love of my life was going to leave me forever. While I'm stuck in Miami, picking up the pieces of my failed career.
Under the UCF letter was a cutout of a bride and groom standing on a bridge overlooking an ocean. Carefully, I took the cutout from the board and held it to my chest. I laid myself across her linens and created a mental Dreamboard of my own.
I awake to a soft smell of strawberries under my nose. It was such a fresh smell. I brought myself closer to the scent. As my neck stretched out to reach for the treat, my lips made contact with soft skin. I could almost taste the flavor. I encircled my treat to get a better hold. Then, I opened my mouth as wide as I could. As soon as my lips closed, my treat was yanked away and my eyes flew open to see Ally lying next to me.
"Austin?! What are you doing in here?"
She sprang up from her position almost falling out of the bed. I jumpback in alarm, realizing Ally was the strawberry in my dream. Suddenly feeling my saliva on her ear, she says.
"Did you lick my ear?"
"Oh-God, I'm sorry!" I cry, matching her shock and alarm. I cover my mouth in embarrassment.
"I-I guess I fell asleep when I was in your room earlier. I-I didn't mean to I-"
"It's okay."
She laughs at my stuttering. She looks almost unbothered. I opened my mouth to start another apology but decided against it. A moment of silence sweeps over us as I ponder what to do next. What do you do when you accidentally wake up spooning her girlfriend and almost eating her ear.
I begin to roll off her bed to leave when she stops me.
"You can stay… If you want."
She dares in a quiet voice. I swallow deeply, unsure of what to say. I've slept in her room lots of times before, but always on the floor. Never in her bed. Her dad had very strict rules about that.
"Ally, you know I'm not supposed to."
I say pushing back my desires to stay.
"It's almost morning. You might as well just relax until the sun comes up."
Her innocent logic was majorly flawed. The kind of explanation you have to make yourself believe. She opens her bedspread inviting me in.
I stare blankly at her while I wrestle with the decision before me. There are a thousand reasons to leave. But, a million more to stay.
"Okay."
I agree with climbing into her bed. Together we lay side by side in the darkness. With only a slight rae of morning light breaking through the blinds.
"How come you didn't notice me when you came to bed?"
I asked in an attempt to fill the silence.
"I was so tired I didn't even flip on the lights."
"And you didn't… feel my arms around you?"
I chuckled, asking awkwardly.
"I did."
She answered simply. My chuckles quickly died.
"I just thought it was the dream."
She added. Her tone wrung of miserable nostalgia. The kind that locks your heart in the past and invades your present.
"You were dreaming about me?"
She nods.
"What was I doing?"
I ask delicately.
"You were kissing me."
A simple confession.
I was not prepared to hear that. And neither was my heart. It beats a mile a minute. I swallow hard and shut my eyes. All of a sudden, I was hungry. And all my body craved was her.
In a very subtle manner, she— scoots closer to my side. Just barely. I shut my globes tighter, trying to lock in my rising desires. I lay still. If I touch her I don't know if I'll be able to stop.
Despite my rigid body language, she shifts again. And... my body answers with the same. Now arm-and-arm, she lightly touches my hand. Keeping a focused eye on the ceiling, I turn my hand over and place it underneath hers' so that we are holding hands. This is fine. I can handle this. I trace circles inside our hands. I do this until she looks at me. She does. I carefully connect our lips and relax into her mouth. Our lips flow perfectly in the darkness.
I open my eyes to meet hers'. With new determination in our glare, we share a salacious stare. My thoughts of uneasiness, are now replaced with dark licentious desires. All I want is to taste and savor her delicious love.
"I'm guessing you were dreaming about food."
She giggled, as she leaned on her side to face me.
Her laugh is what keeps me breathing.
"Strawberries."
I quickly say copying her action. My dark focused eyes search once more for lips in the low light. With rough hands, I grip her waist and move her body towards mine. She swings her legs over mine. My listless fingers wander up and down her body. I feel another pair of fingertips explore the curves and structure of my face. I stay perfectly still, allowing them to trail into my mouth. In a rush of ecstasy, my hands reach higher up her body and into her shirt. Accepting my request, she guides my hands further up her shirt removing it altogether. I explore the unfamiliar territory. My hands are everywhere.
I feel tugging at my waistband and realize she's found an area of myself to explore. We feel around for a while. Enjoying each other's body. Once our mouths find each other, I'm thrown into an even higher state of ecstasy. I explore her mouth like a wonderland. Our tongues dance in a perfect rhythm, filling my body with pulses. My senses are on fire!
"How did I kiss you in the dream Ally?"
I ask while my mouth trails down her cold neck. After each kiss, I inhale deeply, with the intention of capturing her scent.
"Not like this."
She whispers, short of breath. Her eyes roll to the back of her head as she slides underneath my body. Allowing me access to all of her. My lips travel down to her chest and I begin to suck on her skin. I intertwine our loose hands, sliding them over her head. I whisper 'I love you's' as our hands slide up the sheets. She remains silent.
"Tell me you love me."
I say as I breathe into her. I listen for a response as my mouth occupies itself. All I hear is an uneasy sigh. I wait longer but still hear nothing.
"Tell me you love me."
I repeat. Then, I take a break from her body to look into her beautiful brown eyes. I kiss the corner of her mouth.
"Ally, do you love me?"
I softly lift her chin gazing into her moistened eyes. She looks terrified and guilty. I search her eyes restlessly, looking for a sign of hope. Or a sign of mutuality. Disappointment burns my throat. Was I falling in love alone?
My thoughts are quickly interrupted by a loud creak of the door. Suddenly, a bright light breaks into the room and the door swings open.
My body tenses and becomes rigid. Ally and I both remain frozen in our position. My heart stops. I look behind my shoulder to see Penny. Standing in the doorway.
She drags her hands over her eyes yawning. With squinted eyes, she makes out our faces and then… our bodies. I make this inference based on the expression of incredulity and disgust on her face.
"What are you guys doing?"
She asks in shock and disbelief. With eyes to recognize what she is seeing, but not the mind to believe it.
I come off of Ally and quickly sit up. Before any of us can answer, Penny continues.
"Austin, go back to your room. NOW."
Her low voice orders sending chills down my back.
"Yes, ma'am."
I jump onto the floor, not missing a beat. I accidentally step on Ally's shirt. I pick it up and hand it to her. She swipes it, swiftly tucking it under her arm. Her eyes are fixed on the linen of the bed. My face is redder than a tomato. With dark eyes, Penny watches me leave while I hang my head in shame.
LINE BREAK
Breakfast the next morning was the most excruciating meal I've ever had. Ally and I sat across the table from each other as Penny served us pancakes and bacon. For the first time ever, I had lost my appetite for pancakes. My stomach churned as I thought of Penny's inevitable disappointment in me. She must have felt betrayed that I went against her one rule because I have no self-control. It was a simple instruction. No visits at night. And I broke it. They gave me a home. A family. And I gave them a reason to hate me.
The air of awkwardness was unbearable. And Mr. Dawson was oblivious. He happily lathered his flapjacks with a thin layer of butter and a mountain of syrup. Clueless to the fact that I had just stabbed him in the back. I felt like a prisoner. Chained by my shame. If I hadn't fallen asleep in her room, none of that would have happened. And Penny wouldn't have caught us doing anything. It was all my fault.
I look over at Ally to see if she was toiling in the same misery as me. She wore a blank and unreadable expression. I stare at her, willing her to look at me. She doesn't. Her focused glare remains on her untouched plate. In agonizing anticipation, my fingers tap endlessly on the edge of my plate. Unable to handle the silence, I began to stand up to apologize when Penny starts abruptly.
"It's a beautiful day. You two should go somewhere."
Very briefly, Ally looks up to share an expression of utter confusion. Her eyes pass over mine before settling back on her plate.
"Ally doesn't have any rehearsals and its Saturday. So, you two should have some fun. Get out."
"Have you guys ever been to South Beach? That neighborhood has the prettiest beaches. Ally, I think I took you when you were younger."
Mr. Dawson spoke with a mouth full of pancakes and bacon grease sliding down the corner of his lips.
"Okay, that sounds great. Thank you."
I smile with an uneasy feeling.
"And take the car too."
Penny added.
"Okay, thanks."
I timidly replied. Not understanding what she was doing.
"Sure thing honey. Your father and I have something we need to discuss."
She finishes. I'm sure she wants us out of the house so she can tell Mr. Dawson what she saw last night. Although I'm not looking forward to it, I'm glad she's giving me a head start to run.
LINE BREAK
I run my hand through the golden sand pushing as deep as I can. To my surprise, my fingers find nothing but more sand. This is the cleanest beach I've ever been to. There's little to no trash along the entire shore. Ally purposely picked a location that was unpopular so we wouldn't be recognized. This part of the beach has been fairly quiet. I've only seen three couples walk by in the past hour. We pretty much have space to ourselves. The sun rays beam harshly making it lethal to look up. When I do, my neck is slowly, but gradually wrapped in a warm blanket, soothed by the heat.
My other hand is resting under Ally's head. I massage her scalp, creating circle patterns with my thumb. I look down at my brown-eyed beauty as she lays across my lap. Her eyes are closed and she is resting. Her lips twitch slightly. We stay like this for a while. Neither of us saying a word.
After a while, a hand is placed over mine, softly removing it from her hair. Now sitting side by side, she rests her hand on top of mine.
She brushes her lips against mine and we begin to kiss. If the sun wasn't already beaming down on us, I would have melted in her mouth. Her sweet taste lit up my senses, satisfying every crave. I wanted nothing more than to feast on her luscious lips. She pulls away while my head remains frozen in place. We gaze lovingly at one another, locked in a trance. I can't stop smiling.
"You're so beautiful, Ally."
I express passionately. My heart is overwhelmed with satisfaction. I think about how lucky I am to have her, then my mind falls into a state of worry. I still have to tell her. I have to tell her everything, And she might not want to be with me after. That makes me depressed.
My expression falls into a frown.
"What is it?"
A concerned expression paints her face.
"I have to tell you something. Yesterday, I signed the consent form to be legally emancipated from my parents. I didn't want to and it didn't feel right, but my parents didn't give me a choice. They told me they'd destroy my career and keep all my money if I refused to sign. Since I legally don't have parents anymore, Jimmy dropped me from the label and canceled my tour. I also got rejected from UCF. I only applied because I wanted to be with you- but I saw the acceptance letter in your bedroom.
Listen, I refuse to be the one holding you back from your dreams. I love you too much to do that. So, I think we should go back to being friends when you leave."
Ally looked overwhelmed with all I've just unloaded. After a moment of silence, she turns to me.
"Austin, I'm not going to UCF."
My heart skips a beat.
"I just applied there because my counselor said it'd be a good option. Yes, it was my dream school, but not anymore. Throughout the past weeks, Ramone and the team and I have been discussing my brand. We all agreed it was missing something. I never felt complete performing on stage alone. Then I realized why. Because I didn't have you. I talked to Ramone and he loves the concept of us singing together. He wants us to become Austin & Ally! He wants to sign us as an official duo! What do you say?"
She exclaims with alacrity.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
She laughs as if she couldn't be anything else.
Filled with joy, I charge her with a hug.
"Yes! A million times yes!" I tell her over and over again. My passionate words filled with excitement.
"One more thing, Austin."
She pulls away from the hug slightly.
With a firm and confident smile, she says.
"I love you."
A huge smile is painted over my face as I reply.
"Yay!" I squeal inwardly. She laughs loudly at my response.
"I love you too"
She kisses me lightly on the cheek. I give her a short kiss as well. She grabs my hands and leads me towards the water. As we walk I get excited about telling her parents.
"I can't wait to tell Penny and-"
My mind is quickly reminded of why we're here in the first place.
"If you live that long."
Ally jokes. Genuine fear begins to settle in my stomach. I feel sick.
"Y-you don't think he'll be too upset do you?"
I stutter nervously.
"Oh, he'll be mad. But, he'll get over it. He loves you too much to stay angry."
"I never apologized, but I'm sorry for last night."
"Sorry that we almost had sex? Or that we didn't?"
She makes light of the situation.
"Ally, we shouldn't have done any of that in your parents' house. And I shouldn't have said yes to staying with you. It was a mistake."
"You're saying last night was a mistake?"
"No, last night was amazing. I don't regret any of it. It just…"
"Can't happen again."
I nod as she finishes my sentence.
"Not while your parents are sharing their life with me. It wouldn't be right.
"We could try to be more discrete next time."
She suggested.
"No, I'd rather not do it at all."
I answer honestly. She looks at me confused.
"You don't want to?"
"No! Trust me when I say I want to. More than anything. But, I-I want to wait first."
"Austin, It's not like you're a virgin. You've been with several other girls before me."
I feel a slight rush of guilt as she mentions my past.
"I know. And I'm not proud of it. I rushed sex with girls because I thought it was meaningless. I have had sex before, but I've never been intimate with someone. Not like I was with you last night. We were so intrinsically connected. It felt like our souls were intertwining. Touching you.. was like nothing I've ever felt in my entire life. Ally, I've never been so in love. So, I don't wanna rush anything. Including sex. If you don't mind, I don't want to get that close again, until we're… married."
Her eyes widened in alarm.
"OR until we're both ready," I add quickly.
She nods in acceptance.
"If that's what you want. Okay."
"Thank you."
I press my lips against her cheek.
"Now, let's go home and see how big our coffins are going to be."
Ally laughs once more filling breath into my lungs.
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