A/N: Again, I'm so sorry for being so bad at responding to reviews. I'll try to do better. Thank you all so much!
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EPOV
The first thing I saw when I stepped through the front door was Alice, sitting in front of the TV and trying to act as if she wasn't just waiting for me to come home. As I closed the door behind me, she sat straight up on the couch, one leg bouncing up and down like she had just had about ten cups of fucking coffee, and I gave her a suspicious look. "What?" I demanded.
"What?" she echoed immediately, attempting to sound innocent, but I knew better. Alice opened her mouth, then closed it again, and when she finally spoke up, I could tell that she was having a hard time controling herself. "So, how was your day? Did anything... special happen?" A huge, knowing grin spread on her face.
That's when I realized she must have talked to Bella, and let out a sigh. I shook my head, pretending I had no idea what she was talking about. "No, not really," I lied, watching how her face fell before I slipped past her into the kitchen. Of course, it only took her about two seconds to recover, and I heard how she jumped up from the couch with a huff, and followed.
However, as she entered the kitchen, she just glanced at me before quietly walking over to the sink, grabbing a glass from the dish stand and filling it with water. Then she took a small sip, and leaned back against the counter. "You don't wanna talk to me? That's fine. I just have one question."
Clearly taking my silence as a sign of acceptance, she continued, "Are you planning on actually telling Mom and Dad that you've invited Bella over for dinner tonight, or were you going to just set an extra plate at the table and leave it to them to figure it out?"
Giving her an annoyed look, I then rolled my eyes. "Yes. That's exactly what I was going to do," I muttered, sarcastically. "Think they'll notice?"
Alice let out a soft snort of amusement. Then she became serious. "Look, I only know about this because I asked Bella if she wanted to come over tonight. She got all embarrassed and admitted that she was already invited."
"Oh." I really didn't know what else to say. In a way, I was relieved that Bella hadn't made a big deal about it. A part of me still had a hard time taking in the fact that I had actually made such a bold move as asking Bella over for dinner. Not that I wished I hadn't, but the more I thought about it, the more nervous I became.
"You know, she seemed really happy when I talked to her." Alice got a thoughtful expression on her face. "In fact, I don't recall seeing her this excited before, not even when I invited her over for the sleep-over last week."
"She was excited?" The moment the words had left my mouth, I wished I could just take them back, the hopeful note in my voice making me cringe. But, to my great relief, Alice just nodded, and I let out the breath I had been holding.
So, Bella was excited about tonight? I forced back the urge to grin like a fool. Then reality came crashing back down, and I felt my stomach drop. What if the whole thing turned out to be a complete, fucking disaster? While the thought of letting Bella into my life was scary, to put it mildly, it was nothing compared to the idea of her not wanting to be a part of it.
What if I couldn't handle it? What if Bella decided that she couldn't be friends with someone who would only ever talk on his terms? It was only natural for her to get fed up with me, and leave. Or, what if I eventually would open up to her, tell her everything she wanted to know, and she still left because she couldn't deal with it?
Maybe I was an idiot for hoping Bella would somehow miraculously understand me, should I just dare to give her the chance. Maybe this was all just a huge mistake; me longing for something I could never have.
But she wanted to come here tonight. Hell, according to Alice, Bella had been fucking excited.
And, God help me, so was I.
When Esme appeared in the doorway a couple of minutes later, happily announcing that she was about to start making dinner, Alice conveniently had to leave the room to call Jasper, but not before raising a brow at me and nodding discreetly in Esme's direction, giving me a look I suppose was meant to be encouraging. I sighed.
Esme smiled at me when I remained by the counter. "How was school?"
"Fine," I mumbled, trying to decide how to bring up the fact that Bella was supposed to come over in less than two hours. I found myself actually wishing Alice hadn't left, because normally, she would without a doubt have blurted the whole thing out before I even got the chance to open my mouth, and then I wouldn't have to.
"That's nice." If Esme was disappointed when I didn't elaborate, she didn't let it show. Honestly, I would have been very surprised if she had actually expected me to; she knew I rarely spoke much around the house unless I had to. She walked over to the fridge, glancing at me over her shoulder. "I was thinking chicken casserole and rice. How does that sound?"
"Good." I tried to keep the impatience out of my voice. "Listen, Esme, I was, um..." She turned to look at me, a curious expression on her face, and all of the sudden, I felt beyond awkward. Taking a deep breath, I kept my eyes on my feet as I went on, "I kinda told Bella she could have dinner with us tonight. Is that okay?"
When I finally looked up, she gave me a warm smile. "Edward, of course Bella is welcome to come over. She's such a sweet girl, and I'm so glad the two of you have become... friends?" Her smile faltered a little at the last part, and she gave me a questioning look.
"Right. Thanks. Well, I'll just..." I gestured towards the door, eager to get out of the room before she would start questioning me any further. When Esme just nodded in acceptance, I hurriedly left the kitchen and headed for the stairs. As soon as I was alone up in my room, I searched my school bag for my iPod, hoping some music would help me relax until Bella showed up.
Because I only seemed to get more agitated by the minute. I had a feeling that by the time Bella arrived, I would be a nervous wreck.
When the door bell rang, about an hour later, I was torn between wanting to either rush down the stairs to be the one to let Bella in, or simply stay put and hide here in my room for the rest of the night. But, seeing how I had been the one to ask Bella to come here, I figured the latter would be kind of rude.
Not to mention the fact that I really wanted to see her. It was just that the whole situation suddenly seemed totally surreal to me. And I had no idea what to expect from tonight. It made me feel more than a little anxious. But I took a couple of calming breaths, and slowly left my room.
Bella was standing in the middle of the living room, talking to Esme when I got downstairs, but as soon as she spotted me, her face lit up. "Hi, Edward," she said quietly, blushing a little.
Realizing I was just staring at her like a fucking idiot, I shook my head to clear it and managed to mumble a 'hi' in return. My eyes narrowed as I watched Bella closely, trying to figure out if something was different about her tonight, but she looked just the same as usual. She even wore the same clothes she had in school. And yet - for lack of a better word - she seemed to be glowing.
Fucking beauitful.
I snapped out of it when Esme cleared her throat. "Well, I better go check on the food. Emmett's having dinner at Rosalie's house, so they won't be joining us. Carlisle should be home any minute." She started towards the kitchen, only to stop when Alice came storming down the stairs, waving the cordless phone in the air. Jasper followed close behind, nodding casually at me and giving Bella a friendly wave.
"Mom, it's Dad on the phone." Alice handed Esme the phone before practically skipping over to Bella and hugging her tightly. As Bella smiled and calmly returned the hug, a strange feeling welled up inside me, and for a moment, a part of me envied Alice. All of the sudden, I got hit by the irrational thought that I wanted to be the only one Bella was touching in any way.
But in the next moment, Bella let go of Alice and took a step closer to me, while Alice walked over to Jasper, giving him a soft smile. I glanced at Bella, trying to resist the urge to take her hand. Not that I really expected her to object if I would, but I didn't feel comfortable touching her with Alice and Jasper in the same room.
Esme chose that moment to re-enter the room, the phone still in her hand and an unreadable expression on her face. When she noticed we were all looking at her curiously, she put on a strained smile. "Um, it looks like Carlisle will be a bit late. He still has a lot of work to do at the hospital. But he said we didn't have to wait for him, so why don't we just start? Dinner is just about ready."
Alice just smiled and followed Esme into the kitchen, Jasper in tow, but I hesitated. I couldn't explain it, but for some reason, I got the sinking feeling there was more behind Esme's words about Carlisle being late; something she wasn't telling us. Her eyes had met mine for a brief moment, and I could just swear I saw something there.
Bella frowned when she realized I wasn't coming, and she gave me a look of confusion. "Something wrong?"
Instead of answering, I tentatively reached out my hand, desperately needing the comfort of her touch. Bella's frown only deepened as she immediately took my hand and held it between hers. "Edward, you're shaking. What's the matter?"
I shook my head, not sure how to make her understand, and gestured pathetically towards the kitchen. "We should just-"
"Edward." Something in Bella's voice made me stop and look at her. She gave my hand a squeeze before hesitantly running her fingers through my hair, and I was unable to hold back a trembling sigh as I instantly relaxed. "I'm nervous, too," she admitted, softly.
For a moment, I was certain my heart had just stopped. My eyes snapped open, and I stared at her in disbelief. "What? Why?" I gasped, wondering if I had heard her correctly. Because it made absolutely no sense to me.
Bella shrugged, clearly embarrassed, although she kept her eyes locked on mine. "Well, I just don't want anything to go wrong tonight, like me falling down, or passing out, or dropping food in my lap. I want your family to like me." I opened my mouth, but she went on, so quietly I was barely able to make out her next words, "I want you to like me."
I blinked, completely awestruck, then swallowed hard. "I do." At first, I wasn't sure whether I had actually spoken the two words out loud, or just in my head. But the look on Bella's face told me she'd heard me, loud and clear. Her eyes widened, and the spark of hope I could see there made me realize she really meant it.
Then she gave me a small, almost shy smile. "I like you, too."
I just stood there, frozen, staring at Bella in shock. I wasn't panicking, at least I didn't think so, but my mind was suddenly racing, so fast I could barely keep up.
Bella liked me?
I wasn't a complete moron; over the last week, Bella had done her best to prove that she genuinely cared about me, which meant that - no matter how utterly absurd it seemed to me - she had to find at least something about me that she liked. So I shouldn't be all that surprised to hear her confirm it. But I was.
When I remained silent, Bella's expression changed, and suddenly she looked alarmed. "Edward, say something, please. God, I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry; I didn't mean-"
"No," I cut her off in her ramblings, shaking my head as I struggled to gather my thoughts. "I just... I mean... Fuck!" I rolled my eyes in frustration, realizing my inability to get the words out had to make me sound like a fucking retard, but I couldn't help myself.
Surely Bella had to mean that she liked me as a friend, and nothing more. I could deal with that.
But you want it to be more, don't you? You don't want Bella to go around 'liking' any other fucker. You wanna be the only one she's talking to, the only one she's having lunch with. The only one she's touching.
I closed my eyes for a moment. So what if I wanted all those things? What I wanted was irrelevant. When it came to Bella, I could never be worthy of something other than her friendship, and hardly even that. Because I had nothing to offer her, I could never give her what she needed. What she deserved.
Bella was kind, sweet, and pure. I was... nothing.
"Hey..." Bella's hand was suddenly on my arm. "It's okay. Let's talk about this later, all right? The others are probably waiting for us." I could only nod in agreement.
Dinner was... interesting. What surprised me the most was how fucking normal it all felt, like Bella had been a part of the family for years. She was talking, smiling and laughing, and I could do little more than just sit there quietly next to her, watching her in awe. Every now and then, she would give my hand a gentle squeeze under the table, and every time, she glanced at me, as if to silently ask if it was okay.
Okay? What a joke, seeing how it was Bella's presence and soft caresses that made me sit through the entire meal, instead of just gulping down the food before retreating back to my room, as usual.
"So..." Esme passed a large bowl of rice to Jasper. "Do you kids have any plans for the rest of the night?"
Alice spoke up, shaking her head when Jasper offered her the rice in a silent question, "Jazz and I are going back to his place after dinner."
Jasper nodded in confirmation, turning to me and Bella. "You guys wanna come, too? We could all watch a movie or something." He gave me a questioning look.
Knowing it had to be Alice who had made him come up with the suggestion, I fought the urge to tell him what I really thought about the idea - that I would rather spend the night pulling my own teeth out with Carlisle's rusty old cutting pliers.
"We'll pass," I muttered, realizing I probably sounded like an ungrateful douche bag. The disapproving look I received from Alice told me that she agreed. Well, too bad. In all honesty, I couldn't care less.
But then it hit me that Bella might want to go - after all, a movie night at Jasper's house had to be more appealing than spending the night alone with me - and I suddenly felt like shit for not even giving her the option. I swallowed, glancing at her. "I mean, if you wanna go..." My voice trailed off, and I lowered my eyes.
"No!" Bella responded immediately, her cheeks turning slightly red. "I mean, thanks, Jasper, it was really nice of you to ask, but we were just gonna..." She hesitated, looking at me for help. I just shrugged, having no idea what she wanted me to say. "...hang out here," Bella finished, sending an apologetic look in my direction, which made me frown, because I was the one who should be apologizing to her for behaving like an ass.
Luckily, Alice didn't protest. And Esme - clearly sensing the sudden tension at the table - seemed to decide it was time to change the subject. She smiled at Bella. "It's so nice having you here tonight, dear."
"Thank you, Esme." Bella politely returned the smile, her hand finding mine under the table. "I'm really happy to be here," she added, casting a brief look at me.
I felt myself relax, suddenly realizing Bella had practically admitted in front of everybody that she wanted to stay here with me. She could have come up with some excuse about her having to go straight home after dinner, but instead she had told Alice and Jasper that the two of us were going to hang out, like we had already made plans or something.
The thought made me smile, because I couldn't think of anything I wanted more than to spend the rest of the night alone with Bella.
Everybody fell back into a comfortable conversation, except me, who kept watching Bella in silence. She seemed so genuinely happy tonight, like there was no place in the world she would rather be, but right here next to me. I could relate to that, although I still had a hard time believing it was all real.
It was a while later, when Alice and Jasper had just carried their empty plates over to the sink and declared it was time for them to leave, that I heard the front door open. A moment later, Carlisle entered the kitchen. He put on a smile, just as strained as Esme's had been earlier, right after receiving his phone call. "Hello, all. I'm terribly sorry I'm so late."
Carlisle's eyes landed on me, and I immediately knew something was up. It wasn't until I heard Bella let out a soft hiss of pain that I realized how hard I was suddenly squeezing her hand, and pulled away like I had just been burned by acid. Something was obviously wrong, and I didn't know what it was. It scared the living crap out of me.
"Listen..." Carlisle started, clearing his throat. "There is something-"
"Carlisle," Esme interrupted him, a warning note in her voice. "Not now." She glanced at Bella. "We have company."
He looked like he was going to object, but then nodded. "You're right. It can wait."
Bella's eyes went from Esme to Carlisle, and I could tell that she had picked up on the tension between them. "Um..." There was a moment of hesitation before she went on. "If you guys want me to go..." She left the rest of the sentence hanging in a silent question.
"No!" I grabbed her arm without even thinking, terrified that she would just get up and leave. Not caring that everybody was suddenly staring at me, I scooted closer to Bella and tightened my grip on her arm, as if to prevent her from moving. "You don't have to go," I managed to get out between gritted teeth as I kept my eyes on Carlisle.
He watched me with large eyes before turning to Bella, slowly nodding his head in agreement. "Of course not." Bella's face was a mixture of relief and confusion, and she bit her lip before placing her hand on top of mine, nodding in acceptance.
"Okay..." Esme rose from her chair, throwing a quick look at Jasper as she made an attempt of starting to clear the table. "Jasper, honey, why don't you and Alice just head over to your house, like you had planned?"
"But..." Alice started to object, but Jasper gave her a look, calmly shaking his head, and she became quiet.
"Sure," he agreed, firmly taking Alice's hand and leading her towards the door. He stopped, casting a brief look over his shoulder. "Esme, thank you so much for dinner. Um, have a nice evening." And they were gone.
Esme walked over to the sink, carefully putting down the empty glasses, then sighed as she remained with her back towards us. "You just had to start this now," she mumbled, and I knew her words were directed at Carlisle. I just didn't understand the meaning of them.
Carlisle gave her a somewhat annoyed look before he cleared his throat again, and turned to me. "Edward. There's something I need to tell you. Would you please follow me into my office?"