A/N: What are you doing inside, reading the next chapter of this story? Most people, including several Death Eaters, would think you are… up to something. Which is very true. You are here for the penultimate chapter of the story, which clearly means, that it will change the course of the plot. So, without further ado, allow me to brief you in on what has happened so far!
The Author: Ever since the first chapter, this story has had laughs, deaths and weird obsessive Potter fans bursting through doors. We've had jobs, dance routines, musicals and unnecessary commentary during movies. But now, be very afraid of this chapter, due to the horrible events within it. If you've read "The Lightning Struck Tower" chapter of Half-Blood Prince, well here's a seriously twisted version of it. To help me explain, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley and Severus Snape will instruct you on what will happen in the next few paragraphs.
Ginny: Why am I at the Author Note of this chapter?
Draco: And why am I here with you?
Severus: And why am I stark naked wearing nothing but a cucumber mask and a margarita?
Draco and Ginny: …
Severus: What? The cucumber makes my skin soft and free of grease!
Draco: Whatever, Professor. So, you people are here for a hilarious chapter, are you? Well think again!
Ginny: Actually, we do have quite a few laughs in this chapter, Malfoy.
Draco: Fine! We have many laughs and no weird moments at all in this chapter!
Severus: Actually, there are a couple of weird moments in this chapter, Draco.
Draco: LET ME BLOODY FINISH! FOR THE NAME OF MERLIN LET ME TELL THE READERS EVERY SINGLE FRICKEN THING IN THIS CHAPTER!
The Author: Forget it! Let the chapter… begin! And also, the end is highly altered from the book!
Disclaimer: I have no son! I mean, I have no connection with Harry Potter!
He Who Must Not Be Poked
And the
Dream Eaters
Chapter 25: The Lightning Struck Tower
The Astronomy Tower…
"Harry, you must obey every command I give you without question," said Dumbledore. The wind breezed through the Astronomy Tower like a deadly whisper. Harry and Dumbledore were standing near the edge of the Tower, looking like an unusual pair.
"Yes, sir," replied Harry. Dumbledore gave him a piercing look.
"You do understand what I am saying? Should I tell you to hide, you hide. Should I tell you to run, you run. Should I tell you to abandon me and save yourself, you will do so. Your word Harry," said Dumbledore quietly.
"But sir, what if a group of angry Potter fans are at the place we're going to?" asked Harry. Dumbledore gave him a small smile.
"I'll make sure they never see the sight of day again!" exclaimed Dumbledore. He held out his arm and Harry looked at him curiously.
"Sir, I thought you couldn't apparate within Hogwarts?"
"Well, being one of the main characters, I have special privileges!" chuckled Dumbledore. Harry smiled and took his hand. They were gone.
Diagon Alley…
"BELLATRIX YOU TWIT!" screamed Alecto. Bellatrix had tripped over a table full of amulets and necklaces. The man sitting on a cardboard box behind the table gave a roar of fury.
"Oy you! Those are my amulets! Get ya own ya filthy Squib!" spat the frail man. Bellatrix turned around with a sinister look on her face.
"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME? AVADA KEDAVRA!" shrieked Bellatrix. There was a flash of green light, and the man lay on the floor, dead. Bellatrix had a satisfied look on her face, before walking away with Alecto. They passed Ollivander's, which remained boarded up and grubby. They walked through the alleyway which led to Knockturn Alley. Ripping the off wanted posters of her from the wall, Bellatrix leered at the group of people at the end of the alley. Greyback, Amycus, Rowle, Gibbon and Yaxley were standing at the end, looking irritated at Bellatrix and Alecto.
"You're late," snarled Greyback. Bellatrix gave him an innocent smile.
"No we aren't! The dark lord specifically allowed us to do some last minute shopping at Madam Malkin's!" exclaimed Bellatrix. Rowle raised his eyebrow at Bellatrix.
"But you're a convict! You can't just walk into a public shop!" gasped Rowle.
"Bella killed Madame Malkin," said Alecto, looking depressed.
"Why the long face?" asked Bellatrix.
"She was always nice to me when I was in Diagon Alley," sighed Alecto.
"Who cares?" sniggered Bellatrix. She walked over to Borgin and Burkes, with her wand clutched in her hand. Waving the wand over the door handle, it immediately came unlocked. The Death Eaters walked through the door, and examined the dusty shelves of the shop.
"Look at this! Beauty Potion worth 100 galleons! Guaranteed to make the drinker as sexy as Britney Spears!" exclaimed Alecto.
"You definitely need it," remarked Greyback. Alecto dropped the pink bottle onto the floor.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" she demanded.
"Well you're not exactly much of a looker you know," explained Greyback. Alecto made a move for her wand, but she resisted it. Gibbon kept checking a pocket watch tied around his neck. The time was approximately 11: 56.
"In about an hour, Draco will open the Cabinet. Might as well do something to pass the time!" announced Gibbon. He took out a collection of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince books from a box hidden in his robes. "Stole it from Avery," explained Gibbon, as he saw the puzzled looks on the other Death Eaters' faces. They opened the books eagerly at chapter one. "We'll have 10 minutes of discussion before 1 o'clock," advised Gibbon.
12:50…
"Well?" asked Gibbon.
"I only got up to 'Silver and Opals'," muttered Greyback. Gibbon laughed at him, stupidly.
"Are you kidding? I got up to 'A Sluggish Memory'!" boasted Gibbon. The other Death Eaters had wide smiles on their faces. "What did you get up to, Bellatrix?" asked Gibbon curiously.
"'Elf Tails'," she said. There were a few nods and 'ah's' in the room.
"Amycus?"
"'After the Burial'. And might I add, that foolish buffoon Hagrid can certainly be persuaded rather easily," commented Amycus. Gibbon nodded, before proceeding on to Rowle.
"I got up to just after Amycus at 'Horcruxes'," said Rowle. Gibbon stared at him widely.
"What's a Horcrux, Rowle?' demanded Gibbon. Rowle had a smug and superior look on his face.
"Can't tell you! Spoilers, you know," remarked Rowle. Gibbon bit back his anger, before asking Alecto.
"'Sectumsempra', and that's a really exhilarating chapter!" exclaimed Alecto.
"Brilliant, I can read it when I get back! How about you Yaxley?" asked Gibbon.
"Oh, I got up to 'The Phoenix Lament'!" exclaimed Yaxley. Gibbon gasped at him.
"NO FRICKEN WAY! THAT'S TOO FAR!" screamed Gibbon. Yaxley smirked at him.
"When you read books a lot like me, Gibbon; you find that you read a lot quicker than you normally do," said Yaxley. Gibbon glared at him, before glancing down at his pocket watch.
"It's about 12:58. Might as well get in the Cabinet," announced Gibbon. He walked over to a black wooden cabinet, and turned the ornate handle. He stepped inside, and vanished from sight.
Potions Corridor…
"Professor Flitwick! We need you for something!" called Hermione. She was standing with Luna outside Snape's office. Professor Flitwick had run past them and into Snape's office. They had loud mumblings within the room. Placing her eye on the keyhole, Hermione saw Flitwick madly shaking his hands in the air.
"Severus! I have just seen a group of Death Eaters make their way to the Astronomy Tower!" gasped Flitwick.
"Where did you see them!" demanded Snape. Flitwick had collapsed into an armchair.
"They were walking through the Defense Against the Dark Arts corridor last time I saw them!"
"We'll catch them Fillius," said Snape coldly. They may have imagined it, for Hermione and Luna heard a soft breeze flutter in Snape's office. The door opened wide, and Hermione and Luna were pushed backwards. Snape was glaring down at them like an overgrown bat. "What are you doing, Miss Granger and you too Miss Lovegood?" said Snape slowly. Hermione turned a light shade of pink.
"I wanted to ask you something about the Inferi essay," said Hermione quietly. Snape gave her a cold glare.
"I'll see you this afternoon about it. In the meantime, why don't you go and help Professor Flitwick? He's just fainted due to some serious shock," advised Snape.
"Are you sure, Professor Snape? Maybe there's a mutant Wrackspurt in your office!" exclaimed Luna. She began waving her hands in the air like a butterfly net. Snape and Hermione stared at her oddly.
"Rigggghhhht," they both said slowly. Luna began chasing the apparently invisible Wrackspurt inside Snape's office. Snape shook his head, as though removing several overlarge Wrackspurts from within it.
"Why don't you help Miss. Lovegood with the Wrack-thingy? I'm going to go and stop the Death Eaters," said Snape. And he left them without another word. Hermione shrugged her shoulders, before walking into Snape's dimly lit office. Luna was still waving her hands in the air. She was walking towards the limp body of Professor Flitwick, who was lying in his armchair looking dazed. Luna's foot was suddenly stuck beneath the armchair, and she tripped right over, bringing the armchair and Professor Flitwick with her.
"Oops!" cried Luna, as she fell through the glass window. Hermione had just caught her leg in time, dangling her over the battlements. "This is more fun when you wave your arms in the air like this!" laughed Luna, as she waved her arms around like a windmill. Hermione smacked her hand on her forehead.
The Astronomy Corridor…
Draco was sprinting all the way past through the corridors, with the Death Eaters following suit behind him. He held up his Hand of Glory, until he stopped in his tracks, seeing something in front of him. The other Death Eaters collided into him, as they tried to brake.
"Ahhh!" screamed Draco, as he felt seven bodies colliding with his own. Everyone apologized, and dusted the dust off their robes. They saw a group of people with their wands aimed at the Death Eaters, standing right in front of them. Mad-Eye was standing at the front with Bill, McGonagall, Kingsley, Sirius, Lupin and Tonks.
"GET THE BASTERDS!" bellowed Mad-Eye. Tonks and Lupin slowly rounded upon Yaxley, until he raised his hand.
"Isn't that what you said in chapter 11?" asked Rowle. Mad-Eye looked irritated at being interrupted.
"I said, 'GET THE BITCHES!'" corrected Mad-Eye.
"Oh," said Rowle. Tonks coughed loudly to grab Mad-Eye's attention.
"What? Oh right! GET THE STUPID FRICKEN DEATH EATERS!" laughed Mad-Eye. The Order yelled 'Stupefy!' in unison, while the Death Eaters disappeared in black jets of smoke. Rowle ducked under Lupin's outstretched arm, and ran up a flight of stairs towards the Astronomy Tower.
"He's escaping! Stun him, Sirius!" bellowed Mad-Eye. Sirius turned towards Rowle, and raised his wand. In mid sentence, Rowle had blocked Sirius's spell with Protego.
"Come on, Black! You can't seriously be thinking of defeating me!" laughed Rowle. With a strange flick of his wand, Rowle sent an apparently invisible spell from his wand. Draco ran behind a pillar, in hopes of hiding from battle.
"MOMMY!" cried Draco. Kingsley was dueling with Bellatrix ferociously.
"Take that, Shacklebolt!" cackled Bellatrix. Kingsley was knocked backwards by a Hurling Hex, but he was soon rescued by Tonks.
"Petrificus Totalus!" yelled Tonks. Bellatrix froze like a statue, her eyes widening with shock. Gibbon was sending Killing Curses one after the other at Lupin.
"Avada Kedavra!" shouted Gibbon. His green jet missed Lupin and hit a painting with a witch doing creative movements on a pole. Bill was dueling Greyback, and he dodged Greyback's attempts to bite him.
"COME HERE YOU STUPID BLOOD TRAITOR!" snarled Greyback, as he lunged towards Bill. He quickly jumped out of harm's way, but he tripped over a suit of armor and landed flat on his face.
"HOLY SHIT!" moaned Bill, as he saw Greyback walk towards him. Before he knew it, Greyback sunk his teeth into Bill's back. Blood spurted from his body, as Greyback ate Bill's flesh. (Sorry for those who are mortally disgusted by this scene. Mind you, this isn't a Twilight fic!). McGonagall sent a Stunner at Greyback, who immediately fell to the floor unconscious. Alecto, Amycus and Yaxley were slowly tip-toeing their way up to the staircase, until they heard a battle-cry from behind them. Ron, Ginny and Neville were standing at the other end of the corridor with their wands raised.
"And where exactly do you think you're going?" asked Ron.
"Umm... to a House marathon?" suggested Yaxley.
"Oh I don't think so," said Ginny smugly. Ron and Neville both screamed 'Expelliarmus!' while Ginny performed a Reducto Curse. Neville disarmed Alecto and Ron, Amycus; but Ginny managed to bring Yaxley out of his black jet form using Reducto. Gibbon suddenly ran up the stairs, but the Order members were prevented from following due to an invisible barrier.
"WHERE'S EDWARD CULLEN WHEN YOU NEED HIM?" screamed Mad-Eye.
The Horcrux Cave…
"Water!" gasped Dumbledore. Dumbledore and Harry were standing on top of a small outcrop of crystal like rock. The rock was lit up by Harry's wand, and the water surrounding it, was pitch black. Harry ran down to the bottom of the lake, and scooped some water into a golden goblet. Before he knew it, a white gloved hand had seized his arm, and he wrenched it off. He stood back towards Dumbledore, horrified at what had happened. The water around them began churning, and horrible figures were rising above the surface. Standing in front of him, was unmistakably, a seriously deformed Mickey Mouse. It was entirely recognizable, except for the green acid dripping from its mouth and the empty sockets with no eyes. Around him, were more Disney characters appearing, with severe deformed parts in them as well. Ariel, Snow White, Cinderella, Pocahontas and Belle were trudging towards Harry, with disgusting stains on their clothes and a red gleam in their empty eyes. (I'm extremely unsure how Ariel could walk towards Harry!). Cruella de Vil was still holding her famed cigar, yet it no longer burnt as it used to. A hundred and one Dalmatians were skipping towards Harry, but his spells were completely ineffective. Finally, Simba dragged Harry off the rock and pulled him into the lake. Beneath the surface, Harry saw a war raging between the rightful owners of Pixar. He gasped for air, but Simba and Minnie Mouse were pulling him down. Suddenly, he felt as though an invisible hand was pulling him back towards the surface. There was a glitter of various logos attempting to chase the Disney characters away. Dumbledore was waving his wand around like a lasso, sending logos of Warner Brothers, 20th Century Fox, Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks towards the despicable creatures.
"Always know that the only thing a movie company fears; is another movie company, Harry!" laughed Dumbledore.
The Astronomy Tower…OF DOOM!
Harry and Dumbledore apparated to the apparently empty Astronomy Tower, knocking over several telescopes in the process. Dumbledore was surprisingly limp and weak, but Harry was holding Dumbledore steady.
"We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey, sir," said Harry. Dumbledore was talking to himself.
"– and can you please order a small diet coke for me and Minerva, Severus?" asked Dumbledore to the wall.
Harry stared at him. It was a lot like Mr. Crouch two years ago, yet Harry knew Dumbledore would never go insane.
"– Tom, can you fetch those Gucci shoes for me? They make me feel hot and sexy!" exclaimed Dumbledore. Whenever Dumbledore had a good taste for Muggle beverages or designer shoes, Harry did not know. Yet, he knew that he had to get Dumbledore to the Hospital Wing at once. Dumbledore suddenly placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, making him jump.
"Harry, you've shown true bravery tonight, and I thank you for it. But now, I need you to fetch Professor Snape," whispered Dumbledore. Harry protested at once, but Dumbledore shook his head. "I need Severus, Harry. Put your Invisibility Cloak on now. Head down to the Dungeons and inform him," ordered Dumbledore. There was a sudden roar of thunder, and Harry looked up at the sky. Above the tower, was a green eerie skull with a snake protruding from its mouth. The Dark Mark was sinisterly shining in the early morning sky. The grounds remained dark, but a yellowish orange tinge was seen in the horizon. Harry walked to the door, but footsteps were heard thundering up towards them. The door suddenly burst open, and a cry of 'Expelliarmus!' was heard from the doorway. Harry felt himself frozen on the spot, yet Expelliarmus did not freeze its target. Dumbledore's wand fell over the battlements and out of sight, and Draco was standing in the doorway, with his wand aimed at Dumbledore's chest.
"Good evening, Draco," said Dumbledore calmly.
"Its morning you idiot," corrected Draco.
"Very astute, yet I'm merely acting on J.K Rowling's orders," explained Dumbledore.
"Whatever old man," sighed Draco.
"What are you doing up here Draco?" asked Dumbledore.
"It's obvious why I'm here. If you watched the Half-Blood Prince movie you'd know anyway," said Draco.
"I did in fact watch it with Severus, but you tell me why you're here," said Dumbledore. It was a strange request, but not an order. Draco raised his eyebrow, before taking a seat, wand still raised.
"I'm here on a mission," stated Draco.
"Mission Impossible?" asked Dumbledore.
"NO! DAMN YOU TOM CRUISE WITH YOUR CATCHY THEME TUNE!" cursed Draco.
"Now, now Draco. We must make allowances for Muggles you know," advised Dumbledore.
"SCREW THE MUGGLES! SCREW YOU! I'M A BITCHIN CHARACTER IN THIS SUIT YOU KNOW!" screamed Draco.
"No matter how loud you scream, Draco, I'm still not deaf," remarked Dumbledore.
"So? This is like the fourth time I get to wear Muggle outfits!" exclaimed Draco.
"Why don't you ask Chris Columbus to change your outfits in the first two films?" asked Dumbledore.
"He wouldn't believe I existed," said Draco quietly.
"I'm sorry, Draco,"
"DON'T BE SORRY! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE TO DO!" bellowed Draco.
"Course I do. Severus has been keeping an eye on you on my orders,"
"NO HE HASN'T YOU OLD MAN! HE'S BEEN ON OUR SIDE FOR AGES! EVEN BEFORE YOU LET HIM IN THIS SCHOOL! HE'S A DOUBLE SPY FOR GOD SAKES! DIDN'T YOU READ DEATHLY HALLOWS?" demanded Draco. A sudden poof of smoke appeared, and the Harry Potter fans stormed in and bitch slapped Draco across the cheek.
"Snape's on the good side, Malfoy!" they screamed. Draco killed them all with several Killing curses.
"You are not a killer, Draco," said Dumbledore.
"ARE YOU BLIND? I JUST KILLED ALL THOSE RANDOM TOM FELTON FANS!" screamed Draco.
"No matter how emo you are, you are still a young boy who does not know what is in store," explained Dumbledore. Draco glared at him, before silently raging in his mind.
"What's next then, Dumbledore? The Dark Lord is going to make me strip naked and dance for him?" laughed Draco.
"Actually…" began Dumbledore.
"CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" ordered Draco.
"As you wish. He's going to make you strip naked for all of the Death Eaters," said Dumbledore calmly. Draco stared at him horrified, before raising his wand even higher than before.
"You are definitely a sick senile old man!" exclaimed Draco.
"Perhaps, but let's talk about how the Death Eaters got into the school,"
"Remember that Broken Vanishing Cabinet? The one Montague got stuck in last year? Well, they formed some sort of gateway between this one and its…"
"Pair. A sister, in another sense," said Dumbledore, understanding Draco's words.
"In Borgin and Burkes. Montague said that he heard Borgin talk about his secret affair with Madame Rosmerta, while he also heard that Macmillan talk about his relationship with Susan Bones," said Draco. Dumbledore nodded in understanding.
"Speaking of Rosmerta, she's been informing you of business involving your mission, hasn't she?" asked Dumbledore. Draco looked surprised that Dumbledore had known.
"She sent a message to me using an enchanted coin," said Draco.
"Isn't that the way of communication that the group known as the DA…"
"STOP MAKING YOUR LINES THE SAME IN THE BOOK!" shrieked Draco.
"I apologize, Draco. I only meant to…" began Dumbledore.
But what Dumbledore meant to say, would never be known. The door flew of its hinges, and the Death Eaters walked into the room.
"Draco! Why on earth is the Headmaster still alive?" demanded Yaxley.
"Never mind that! I'll eat him instead, shall I?" snarled Greyback, as he edged towards Dumbledore.
"NO!" screamed Rowle, as he whipped his wand out, sending Greyback crashing against a table full of metal objects. Cursing wildly, Greyback got up and glared at Rowle.
"The Dark Lord's order was clear! Draco's to do it!" yelled Rowle. Bellatrix was quietly giggling behind Rowle, with Alecto.
"I don't know why the Dark Lord's bothering to kill you at all, Dumbledore!" shrieked Bellatrix.
"Oh, I'm quite sure that he has a solid reason, Bellatrix," remarked Dumbledore. Bellatrix and Alecto stopped giggling at once.
"SHUT UP! YOU WERE AN AWFUL HEADMASTER WHEN WE WERE AT HOGWARTS!" screamed Bellatrix.
"And you weren't laughing when I revealed that you wore a metal bra, Alecto," said Dumbledore quietly. The Death Eaters stared at Alecto curiously.
"What? It was the fashion back then!" exclaimed Alecto. The Death Eaters ignored her, before turning back towards Dumbledore.
"Draco, if you haven't got the guts to kill him then let us finish him off!" barked Amycus.
"WAIT FOR IT! DRACO HAS ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!" yelled Rowle.
"No he hasn't," said a cold voice. Snape walked into the room, with his long black wand pointed at Dumbledore. Harry stood frozen and shocked at what was happening.
"Severus, please…"
It was the scariest and frightening sound Harry had ever heard. Dumbledore was on his knees, pleading to Snape. He raised his wand, and brought it down, sending a green jet of light towards the frail old Headmaster…
To be continued…
The Author: I'm deeply sorry about this, Harry.
Harry: About what?
The Author: Leaving you with those awful Disney characters in the lake.
Harry: I've had worse.
The Author: Really? What about this?
(Luna appears out of no where)
Luna: Hi Harry! I've painted my eyebrow yellow for Slughorn's party!
Harry: Luna, the party isn't until next week.
Luna: I'm just dyeing it now for effect! Do you like it?
Harry: Uh…
Luna: I knew you would! Say, would you like to hear the commentary I've prepared for the next Quidditch match?
Harry: Actually…
Luna: Here comes Ginny Weasley with the Quaffle. I really like her. She stopped two Ravenclaws from laughing at me. I think those Ravenclaws were suffering from post- Michael Jackson stress.
Harry and the Author: …
Luna: Katie Bell is taking the Quaffle in possession. She got sent to St. Mungo's. I suspect that she got attacked by a mutant Wrackspurt.
Harry: No she didn't.
The Author: Shut up, Harry! Go on, Luna.
Luna: Thank you. Harry Potter has spotted the Snitch! He's going really fast now! Maybe he took some steroids and now he's getting angry without them?
Harry: No!
Luna: Shut up, Harry! If you readers would like to keep Harry's possessions, you can review, and I guarantee that you will all receive one of his possessions.
The Author: And I'll specify which gift you shall receive in the Author Note of the next chapter!
Harry: But I…
Luna: Go on then! REVIEW!