A/T: I am sorry this chapter is small. I promise the next one will make up for it.
Emily1616, you asked, I delivered! A whole Deeks POV chapter. I hope you like it.
CharleyCarey I laughed soooo hard with your comment.
Densilou amare questi testi:
è una notte come tutte le altre notti
è una notte che profuma di avventura
ho due chiavi per la stessa porta
per aprire il coraggio e la paura
vedo un turbinio di gente colorata
che si affolla dietro a un ritmo elementare
attraverserò la terra desolata
per raggiungere qualcosa di migliore
vedo gli occhi di una donna che mi ama
e non sento più il bisogno di soffrire
ogni cosa è illuminata
ogni cosa è nel suo raggio in divenire
Many many thanks to everyone who keeps supporting and following this story! You guys are amazing and I appreciate all your comments. Can't wait for more!
He gets in the car and slams his hands on the wheel. How could she do that? How could a mother not love her own child? He is so angry he now punches the dash board with all his power, to the point his knuckles start bleeding.
Then, he remembers his own harsh behavior to Kensi. Oh my God the awful things he said to her, the strength he used to grab her and hold her down, and the way he yelled at her….He can't blame anyone for this but himself.
He takes his phone out and calls her but of course there is no answer. He understands though. She must be disappointed, upset and in no mood to talk to him right now. Has he ruined everything? Will she ever be able to trust him again?
He turns on the engine but soon realizes he is in no condition to drive. His hands are trembling due to the fact that he hasn't slept or eaten in over 24 hours. He should probably crash into a motel before heading back to her. That will give Kensi some time to calm down and Deeks some time to find the appropriate words to apologize.
He checks in a cheap motel and immediately lays head down on the bed after another unsuccessful attempt to call Kensi. He feels exhausted, both physically and mentally.
All he wants is to close his eyes and drift into sweet oblivion away from any kind of thoughts. Guilt and chagrin crawl into his mind.
He has been giving excuses to his mother for all these years but now he's had more than enough. All these suppressed feelings have come to a boiling point and he feels like he is going to burst. Why does he always have to be the outsider? In the law enforcement, in LA PD… and even in his own family. The only place he feels like home is NCIS. But still, even there he didn't exactly feel welcome in the beginning.
The only reason he accepted to work as a liaison was Kensi. From the very first moment he saw her at that Gym he knew there something more to this woman.
His grandfather only treated him as a beloved grandkid and always took care of him. Even after his death he made sure Deeks could have an easy going life by making him the sole heir of his property. The money he left him was more than enough for Deeks to travel around the world and rest forever after in a Caribbean island. But of course he chose otherwise. Educating himself and helping those in need was more important than a wealthy, but empty deep down inside life.
Even though his pay check as a cop is poor, he always assured his mother would get 300$ a month. He knows it not an exquisite amount of money but it is better than nothing. There is no way though he will continue to send her that money now. He is done helping her see the light when all she wants is stare at the darkness. He is done feeling guilty because apparently his mother can't face the truth. He is done blaming himself for his failed family because Kensi is his family right now.
Kensi! She loves him more than his parents ever did. She doesn't have to actually say the words but he knows the feeling is there. He knows it by the way she looks at him. The way she laughs at his inappropriate jokes. The way her shoulder bumps into his when they are walking next to each other. The way she cares about his safety, the way she teases him about his twitching nose when he sleeps, and the way she mocks him for his previous part time jobs.
And by all means he is madly in love with her! That's why it is so hard for him to forgive himself for treating Kensi like that. He can't really explain what kind of force took over him. He tries to remember their whole fight but there are parts missing in his mind. Apart from what he remembers who knows what kind of hurtful words escaped his mouth. He lets out a deep sigh and tries to call her one more time. Still, there is no answer. His heart is telling him to go to her as fast as possible, but his mind keeps him still. He is too tired to get behind the wheel and probably a public danger for all the drivers near him.
He sets the alarm clock to go off in two hours and then he feels his eyes slowly close. His mind though is still running miles and soon nightmares fill his dreams.