A/N- Fellowes may as well turn these guys over to the small, but mighty, crew of the good ship Andith and call it good. They're not mine, but I couldn't ask for better characters to assault with the slings and barbs of outrageous fortune. Speaking of being outrageous fortunate... all hail my beta from the realms of glory, adamsforthought, without whom we would all have drowned in extraneous detail and stale storytelling. Any remaining errors belong to me.
Nothing right about any of it
Anthony held Edith tighter as the story poured out of her. His gut twisted and boiled like it used to do on night ambushes. The back of his throat was thick and raw with ruthlessly quashed cries, but he could not stop the hot tears from streaming down his cheeks as he listened to Edith relive her trafficking and abuse yet again.
There's no convenient boathouse now. I can't let this overpower me again. I can't!
Edith was shaking, immeasurably grateful for Anthony's arms around her as she ground out her words down the line to Sybil and Tom. In spite of their promise to just listen, Sybil injected several times until Tom spoke soothingly to her in Gaelic and urged Edith to go on. When Edith spoke of the abuse and rape, her sister let out full throated gasp, and Edith almost couldn't continue.
"Don't, Sybil! Please," she pleaded. "Please let me finish…" Sybil took a deep shuddering breath and murmured an apology, which Edith ignored.
"I know this is hard to hear," she acknowledged, clutching Anthony's arm tightly enough to leave bruises. "But… just…"
"Go on, Edie," Tom replied gently. "We're here. Just go on, if you want."
Edith continued, speaking of the drugs and the sex trade, trying to keep to the bare bones of the story. Anthony listened intently, registering in his mind that she added some details that he hadn't heard before about her traffickers and about her escape. As Edith wound down, her voice became weaker and her death grip on Anthony's arm relaxed.
"So," she finished, taking a deep breath, "I've ruined your evening and dumped a toxic load of issues on your plate, Sybil. And I'm sorry for that—"
"Edith, why didn't… why didn't you tell us - tell me - sooner?" Sybil interrupted in a voice choked with tears, ignoring Tom as he tried to shush her. "Darling, we would have done anything we could - everything we could."
"And just what do you think you could have done?" Edith's voice began to rise with anger and her body stiffened in Anthony's arms. "I was hopelessly addicted to heroin. I was, and still am, wracked with PTSD. I couldn't talk about it with anyone. It took a year, Sybil, a fucking year to be able to talk about it with anyone other than Aunt Roz and Elsie Carson. I just couldn't—"
"Oh God, Edith! Oh God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean… I only…" Sybil began to sob.
"Sybil, don't… please."
"It's not your fault, Edith!" Sybil suddenly yelled down the line. "It's not your fault! None of it was and I'm so sorry I reacted like this…" Sybil's sobs were muffled by what Edith assumed to be her husband's chest.
"Edie," Tom's hoarse voice broke in, "We're trying to grasp this, and I know we're not doing it right…"
"There's nothing right about any of this, Tom," Edith replied in a calmer tone. "There's only how it hits you. And sometimes you hit back. Anthony could tell you all about that."
Anthony startled as Edith pushed her phone towards him. "Ah… well, I punched a boathouse and broke several bones in my hand, Tom. You're not doing so badly in comparison."
"You broke your hand punching a boathouse?" Tom replied in disbelief. "Good Lord."
Edith rolled her eyes at Anthony's disgruntled expression and spoke into the phone again.
"Sybil, darling, listen to me," she demanded. "I didn't tell you any of this to make you feel bad, even though I'm sure it does. I told you because I needed to, because it wasn't right to keep it from you…" Edith trailed off and dashed fresh tears off her cheek. "I told you because it's who I am, and because I know you love me. It's entirely selfish—"
"No! No it isn't, Edith!" Sybil objected.
"Yes, it is. But I have to be selfish right now, no matter what it might do to you. And I have to rely on you understanding that. Maybe not yet, but I hope you will."
Sybil attempted to reassure Edith, but was having difficulty stringing coherent thoughts together. "I don't know what to say, Edith. I love you, and I want to do whatever I can, and I want to forget everything you've told me, and I want to go hug my daughter right now and never let her go…"
"You're saying exactly what you need to say, Sybil. I love you too. And again, I'm sorry that I dumped this on you."
"I'm sorry that it happened," Tom replied when Sybil couldn't. "It shouldn't have happened to you. It shouldn't happen to anyone. And Sybil is right. None of it is your fault."
"Thank you, Tom." There was an almost comfortable pause as Edith relaxed into Anthony's embrace and felt his lips on the side of her head. "You'd better get Sybil a hot drink and get her to bed. I hope Maggie wasn't disturbed."
Tom chuckled. "Maggie could sleep through anything." He paused. "Edith, please call again soon… let us know how you're doing."
"I will. And I really mean it this time."
With that, Edith disconnected the phone, dropping it to the floor as she buried her head in Anthony's chest. He stroked the back of her head as she shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut tightly to stop his own tears.
Edith looked up at him and lifted her hand to his face, wiping his cheeks. "I wondered why my head felt wet," she murmured.
Anthony's bark of laughter sounded more like a sob. "I cannot begin to imagine how difficult that is for you to do."
"I did hope that it would get easier the more I told it," Edith sighed. "Telling you was hard…" she gazed at him with a sad smile, "but telling Sybil and Tom was hard in a different way."
"What did you expect? When you told me, I mean?" At her surprised look, he smiled nervously. "Obviously you didn't expect me to beat the hell out of the side of the boathouse…"
"Nobody expected that, Anthony."
"Clearly," he replied with an eye roll, remembering Tom's disbelieving comment. "But what did you expect would happen? What did you expect from me?"
Edith sighed and refused to meet his eyes. "I expected things to change. I didn't think you'd be cruel, or dismissive - I've never thought that. That's not in your nature."
"Thanks for that, though your family might beg to differ…"
"They can beg to differ all they like," Edith snapped. "I never thought that."
"But you thought things would change?"
"Didn't they? Maybe not in the way I was afraid they would, but things have changed."
"For the better, I hope," he replied with a crooked smile.
"Much for the better," she said, smiling back.
Anthony gazed at her thoughtfully. Edith watched him chew the inside of his mouth as he battled some internal struggle and took his face in her hands.
"I didn't give you enough credit, Anthony, and I'll always be sorry for that."
"Don't be sorry," he protested. "I gave you no reason to think anything different. Quite the opposite, in fact. My history with disappearing acts—"
"Stop that! You're not the same person now, and neither am I." Edith pulled him closer and dropped a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Some part of me must have trusted you to love me enough."
Anthony released a strangled gasp and pulled her tightly to him. Edith stiffened in surprise, then returned his embrace before he could release her.
"You must be exhausted," Anthony murmured into her hair. "I'd carry you up to bed, if I could."
"I'll take a rain check. But you're right. I feel like I might fall over if I tried to stand up."
"Then don't. Let's just stretch out here for a bit," he suggested.
Edith nodded and they began to shift around, trying to find a comfortable way to lay on the large sofa. Anthony's legs were too long, and he had to bend them as Edith wiggled around until her back was to his chest. Edith slipped her legs between his so that his knees cradled hers and pressed closer, feeling the urge to giggle as a groan escaped him.
"All comfy?" she asked.
Comfy was not the word Anthony would have used to describe his current state, but he grunted an affirmative and placed his lips on Edith's neck, feeling her shiver at the light contact. He felt the tension in her body begin to melt away and her breathing even out under the arm he had thrown over her, holding her to him, leaving him fighting his own sudden drowsiness.
She's falling asleep. Even after all that, she's falling asleep in my arms. I'd better stay awake, or we might both fall off the couch. Wouldn't it be delightful if we both wound up in body casts…
In spite of his anxiety, Anthony couldn't hold back the droop of his eyelids. Snuggling closer to Edith's warmth, her soft breathing caressing his ears, he shut his eyes, just for a moment…
"Anthony? Wake up, now."
The voice was most certainly not Edith's sleepy rasp. Anthony reluctantly opened one eye to gaze into the hovering, amused face of Jenny. She gently nudged his shoulder again.
"Don't you have a perfectly good bed?"
Anthony groaned as he shifted slightly and felt the blood rush back into his extremities with a burn and cramp. Edith twitched and frowned in her sleep, pushing a little closer to him. Carefully, Anthony began shifting away from her, struggling to push himself up while disengaging from her body.
"A little help here?" he whispered to Jenny. With a grin, she helped him ease up and watched him blink and grimace. Together, they rolled Edith back further onto the sofa. Jenny watched him watch Edith as she settled back into sleep.
"You look like death warmed over, Anthony. A happy death, but still rather terrible." Anthony glared at her through bleary eyes. "I'll put the coffee on," she said as she patted his shoulder and turned to go. She looked back to see Anthony slowly levering himself down to sit on the carpet next to the sofa, pressing a kiss on Edith's forehead.
"As it should be," she muttered to herself, leaving Anthony to watch and wait for Edith to wake up.
It was the rich smell of the coffee Jenny had placed by Anthony's knee that brought Edith back to consciousness. Her nose twitched and she groaned as she stretched with her eyes still shut. Opening them slowly, she was surprised to see Anthony's blue ones inches away from hers. He'd given in to the impulse to lean in and kiss her nose, and she smiled as he finished his task.
"How long have you been up?" she asked as she reached out her hand to cup his cheek.
"Jenny rousted me out about twenty minutes ago," he answered, turning his head to kiss her palm. "I'm sorry I fell asleep, darling. I hadn't intended for us to sleep on the sofa all night long."
"Mmmmm," she moaned, stretching again, grimacing at the catch in her neck. "Well, I suppose we were both pretty wiped out after last night. Maybe we can catch a nap in your bed later."
Anthony perked up. "A nap?"
Edith smiled teasingly as she sat up and began running her hands through her hair. "What do I look like?" she murmured, trying to finger-comb some sort of order to her wild waves.
"The most beautiful woman in the world," he replied, taking a sip of his coffee and watching her over the cup with sparkling eyes.
Edith flushed. "Flatterer. Bed head doesn't usually fit traditional beauty standards."
"Then I'm not a traditionalist. I think it's incredibly alluring."
"I could almost believe you when you say things like that."
"How should I convince you that I mean every word?" Anthony ran a careful hand through her tangles, and pulled her towards him. He stopped when their lips were centimeters apart, waiting for some sign that he should continue. She parted her lips and leaned the rest of the way in.
"I'm convinced," she gasped when they broke for air, before kissing him again. By the time Jenny popped her head in to inform them that breakfast was ready, Anthony had half climbed back onto the couch.
"It'll keep," Jenny commented before popping back out. Edith began to giggle against his lips.
"Every damn time…" Anthony muttered, only separating from Edith by inches. He shifted his leg, swearing as he kicked over his mostly full cup of coffee.
Edith's giggles broke into full fledged laughter. "Every damn time," she agreed, sitting up and pulling down her blouse which had gotten rucked up. "I should probably go change into something a little less rumpled before breakfast."
"I certainly don't mind rumpled."
"That's for the best, seeing as how it's you that's been doing all the rumpling." Edith kneeled on the floor to help Anthony sop up the spill. "Jenny's not going to be best pleased."
"I think she'll accept my excuse."
Edith laughed again and kissed the top of his head before making her way upstairs to the guest room. She browsed through her limited wardrobe choices, wishing she had thought to bring more variety.
Considering the state I was in at the time, it's amazing that I remembered to bring socks and knickers. If Elsie hadn't helped me pack, I probably wouldn't have. Of course, I had no idea I'd be staying this long.
She smiled at the thought. After selecting an outfit, she paused in the middle of unbuttoning her blouse to look around the room. In spite of residing in it for nearly two months, she hadn't left her stamp on it at all. It was still an anonymous guest room.
This was never where I was meant to stay. I'm meant to be with Anthony. Thank God we both came to realize that.
Coming to a sudden decision, Edith began gathering all her clothes and accessories into a pile on the bed. Taking armfuls at a time, she hauled everything down the hall to Anthony's room, dumping them in an untidy pile by his closet. Catching sight of the Superman t-shirt on the floor where she had left it the day before, she smiled, remembering his expression when she had drawn it over her head.
This is where I belong. Right here, with him. Socks, knickers and all.
Anthony waited in the dining room, watching the door. The sudden blare of his cell phone from his pocket startled him into dropping his toast. Heaving a sigh when he saw it was from his solicitor, he answered.
Edith stood at the door to the dining room, wondering who Anthony was talking to. She slipped quietly into a chair, watching him pace as he carried on an animated discussion about a legal issue surrounding the foundation, he was working to set up.
"Yes…yes… I understand. When do you need it by?…. Um, I wasn't planning on a trip to town that soon, but… right, right. Yes, I'll give you a call when I get there." His eyes lit up when he saw her. "Hopefully we can get this done in one afternoon…. I've got, er, pressing business here in the country… Thank you, John."
"You've got to go to London?" Edith asked, helping herself to coffee.
"Sadly, yes. I shouldn't be gone long, though. Just some papers to sign and a quick meeting." Anthony looked at her speculatively for a moment. "Would you like to come with me? See Roz?"
Edith bit her lip in thought, and shook her head. "I don't think so. Not yet." She watched as Anthony sat back down and offered her the plate of toast. "Do you think I'm being cowardly? Hiding out in the country?"
Anthony's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Cowardly isn't a word I would ever associate with you, Edith. If you're happy here—"
"Of course I'm happy here!"
"—then you should stay as long as you want. London isn't going anywhere."
"Neither is my career," she commented dryly.
"I thought you'd submitted some articles since you've been here?"
Edith grimaced. "I've submitted a bunch of excuses as to why I've not submitted any work. So far, I've sent three e-mails to the magazines I'm under contract with and had one very uncomfortable conversation with the director of Not for Sale. I've got some rough drafts, but I just can't seem to get anything finished…"
"This hasn't exactly been a working vacation, Edith."
"I know that, Anthony," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "But if I want to continue in journalism, I've got to produce some work on a regular basis."
Anthony's blue eyes softened in sympathy and understanding. "I may come across as the world's biggest hypocrite, but I hate seeing you beat yourself up."
"You hate seeing me beat myself up? Which one of us has the splint?" Edith snapped irritably. Seeing the regret on his face, she reached across the table to squeeze his hand. "Don't you dare apologize for caring about me."
"Wouldn't think of it. I'm not sorry for caring about you. I just wish I didn't put my foot in my mouth as often as I do."
"You wouldn't be Anthony Strallan if you didn't. You putting your foot in your mouth is a part of the package deal."
"Well…so long as you like the package," Anthony replied. Edith choked on her breakfast, spraying crumbs across her plate. Anthony leaned across the table and patted her gently between the shoulder blades.
"If memory serves, I like the package very much," Edith sputtered, laughing and trying to breathe through a mouthful of toast. She grinned wider as she watched the tips of Anthony's ears turn red.
"I didn't…that wasn't…" he trailed off as she laughed harder.
"Oh God! Oh please don't stay in London too long. You have pressing business here and I'd hate to have to take a nap by myself." Still snorting with laughter, she reached over and gently pushed Anthony's gaping mouth closed.
"I have no intention of staying in London any longer than I absolutely have to." He grasped her finger before she could snatch it back and kissed it, nibbling gently before releasing her hand. "Who knows what you might get up to here without me."
"Not as much as I'd get up to if you were here."
They finished breakfast quickly and Anthony headed for the stairs to get cleaned up and ready to go. Suddenly remembering the state of his bedroom, Edith ran after him.
"Anthony! There's a bit of a mess in your room." Anthony stopped and turned to her with a puzzled smile. She gave him an embarrassed glance. "I, um, moved all of my things into your bedroom, and I haven't put anything away yet. I hope you don't mind that I went ahead and—"
"I don't mind," he interrupted with a happy grin. "I was going to ask if you wanted to, but I really didn't know… I mean, I thought you might still want the privacy sometimes."
"Not from you," she replied, delighted at the way his smile broadened at her words. "I'll get it all sorted while you're gone."
"No rush, darling. I'll probably enjoy getting ready surrounded by your lingerie so much that I won't be able to make myself leave at all."
"Then maybe I won't put it away."
Anthony continued on upstairs, looking back to see Edith still standing at the bottom, watching him with a smile. For a moment, he seriously considered not going to London after all. Edith' eyes twinkled at him, as if she knew what he was thinking. He forced himself to continue on towards his bedroom, burning with the thought that Edith's things would be mixed in with his own.
Edith stood at the bottom of the stairs until he disappeared and turned to see Jenny standing in the doorway to the dinning room.
"Anthony has to go to London today, so I guess it's just you and me."
"Wonderful," Jenny chirped. "Just let me know if I can help getting everything squared away in Anthony's room."
Edith smiled as Jenny winked at her and went to the library to check her e-mails. She was making some revisions on a draft story when she heard the clatter and bustle of Anthony getting ready to go. She stepped out into the hall to say goodbye and heard him speaking quietly to Jenny.
"Just see if you can't keep her distracted enough not to get to the pile of things in the bedroom," he said with some exasperation. "I'll help her when I get home. And stop looking at me like that."
"Anthony Strallan," she replied in a much louder voice, "you're a naughty boy." He shushed her and glanced anxiously down the hall to see Edith standing there with raised eyebrows, trying not to laugh.
"I'll just be off," he said, too loudly.
Edith came to him and hugged him tightly. "Get back soon," she whispered in his ear. "I'm looking forward to finding out how naughty you can be."
Anthony was still quite flushed when he made his reluctant way into the garage.
Edith exchanged amused glances with Jenny and retuned to the library. She sat in Anthony's chair, feeling comfortably surrounded by his scent and cradled by the leather, as if he were holding her like he had during the call to Sybil. Picking up her phone, she pulled up a number and dialed quickly before she could change her mind.
"Hello?" the familiar voice answered.
"Mama… it's Edith. How have you been…?"