Three slow days have passed since that meeting. It's the third day of my trip to hell. I'm starting to wonder when I'd get there. It's making me impatient.

I might as well die with all of this. I hurt my brothers, I hurt David and most of all, I hurt Bella. My Bella. My star, my sun, my everything. I'd welcome everything with open arms, though. I don't care if I get shot by a bullet, it'll be okay. I deserved it. The atonement for my sins, I'd call it.

"Jacob?" asked Bella. She was looking better today. At least she was but why can't I? "Are you alright?"

"That's a silly question to ask." I told her euphorically.

"What would be a good question?" she asked. In my head, "Jacob, are you cheating on me?" Yep, that sounded better. It was a better question.

"How about 'Are you getting tired of guarding me?' but the answer would be no." I told her. I held her hand and began to draw circles on the back of her hand. It was still cold.

Bella didn't respond. She looked down, using her hair as a curtain to cover her face. I tucked her hair behind one ear.

"Hey, what's going on?" I tried to ask her cheerfully. I hated this side of me. It was too happy, I wish I could absorb that kind of positive attitude.

"Nothing," she lifted her head and smiled at me. It looked fake, it felt like it too.

"You know what? No, probably not. Well, you should know that anti-depressants are bad for you." I joked. She chuckled and punched me lightly in the cheek.

"Idiot." I laughed at her. Well, that seemed to lighten our mood. "I'm not depressed."

"I thought you were." I lifted her hand for proof. "You're so pale, your hair is a tone darker, there are bags under your eyes; I just thought that you missed me too much that you took anti-depressants." I added.

"Jerk." Was all she replied. She leaned and kissed my cheek. "I missed you."

"Hey, I'm here. I'm not leaving." I stood and hugged her. "And I missed you more. You don't know how screwed I am without you, Bella."

She smiled and that seemed to make the best of my day. At least, for this day, I get to see her smile. I needed to cherish it now. I don't know if I had much time left to see it.

"Liar." She whispered in my ear. She chuckled.

"OK. Don't believe me. But I'm telling you the truth here." I kissed her nose then pressed my lips to her. I missed her so much that it felt like I never saw her for a year.

"I love you." Bella reminded me.

"I love you." I whispered as I held her hand. The ring I gave her was still there. "Every day of forever." I rubbed the ring on her finger.

She smiled. We were still talking when there was a knock on the door. Somehow I felt nervous but then again it might simply be the guys.

"Come in," I yelled towards the door.

There at the door stood six tall boys and a girl. "Bella!" They screamed happily. I looked at Bella who was now flushing scarlet. I stroked her cheek and laughed.

"I thought you were dead," Seth said. "Where have you been, loca?"

Bella raised her left arm, showing Seth the IV tubes stuck in her wrist. Seth and Leah chuckled.

"You've always been that much of a klutz." Leah said.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked, an arm over Emily's shoulder. I didn't see her enter. Oh well.

"Better. Carlisle said that I could be discharged today. My pneumonia's gone." She explained. I stood and walked to the other side of Bella's bed to give way for the others. I sat on the bed, one hand on her forehead and the other entwined with hers.

"Well I'll be damned!" Paul said as he struck his hand on a wooden table. "That's a cause for celebration."

Bella blushed scarlet again. "No, Paul. I don't think it's necessary."

"Nah. You're wolf family now. You and Emily get to be the wolf girls." Quil told Bella. He laughed boisterously with Embry.

"I'll pretend you never said that." Bella said, blushing. I kissed her forehead and chuckled.

"Boys. You know how they are, Bella." Emily said, placing a hand on Sam's chest.

"Yeah. Boys." She rolled her eyes and looked at me. She chuckled and I stuck my tongue out at her.

"So what do you say, Bella?" Jared happily said.

"What do I say to what?" She responded. Her eyebrows furrowed for a bit, thinking.

"You're going out with us later. Emily's coming. Jared's girlfriend Kim, who're gonna get married soon," Paul said. Jared punched him on the shoulder. "is coming along. Come with us, Bella."

"Sure." Her lips were suddenly a rosy red. She looked better by the second.

"It'd be at my place. Just don't forget to bring your medicine, alright?" Emily told us.

A few hours later, Bella was discharged from the hospital. Carlisle—it disgusted me to say his name, but heck, I respect him more than Edward—gave her an asthma inhaler just in case she had light attacks.

Charlie gave Bella the 'okay' thumb when the pack asked Charlie.

"Wow, your guys, Jacob?" he asked an hour ago.

"Yeah, they're freaks." I said. Charlie just laughed at me.

"Jacob, do we have to stay out late?" Bella asked, bringing me back to the present. She rode on my back. We were running towards Emily's house.

"For your sake, no. I'd have to bring you home early as what Charlie said." I told her. "Your bag is up and tight back there?"

"Yep." She replied. Her bag contained her medicine. It wouldn't fit in her pocket so she brought a tiny backpack with her.

When we got there, the boys were on the flat screen watching a baseball game. Emily and Leah were in the kitchen cooking something up. Seth wasn't really sure of what he's doing from the looks of it.

"Hey guys." I waved as I entered. They looked at me and Bella—who was still on my back like a baby.

"Bella!" They chorused and then laughed boisterously. Today, Bella was their lovely toy. It was a private joke. The objective was to make Bella blush as much as possible.

"Okay, little monkey," I said as I yanked her arms away from my neck. "Time for you to get down." I carried her in my arms then set her down.

Bella took her inhaler from the bag and sprayed the formula in her mouth. "Just making sure." She smiled. She took my hand and led me to where Seth sat.

I noticed that we weren't complete. Quil and Embry weren't here.

"Where's Quil and Embry?" I asked. "I thought I told them to lay back patrol for tonight?"

"They ran off for a while to check the perimeters. We're not supposed to neglect duties." Seth explained then chuckled.

There wasn't much to do in Emily's home. Bella just helped Emily and Leah cook a large batch of food while we howled while watching the game. I heard from Emily that she taught Bella how to cook corn muffins, my favorite.

She was able to cook a dozen of corn muffins; just to test what she learned. It turned out well. I told her I loved it. It was actually better than Emily's cooking, to be honest; but I didn't tell Emily that.

Quil and Embry returned after two hours, the look on their faces worn out. They had a look that spelled, 'there was something wrong'.

"What's wrong?" I asked the two of them. Their faces were suddenly alert. I sensed danger. "Paul! Turn down the volume for a while." I shouted over the noise.

The whole pack surrounded Quil and Embry, sensing the same danger.

"David found out about you and Sacha." They whispered lowly, trying to avoid Bella's attention.

They were too late. She heard it all. Her hand that was on my back fell to her sides but the smile on her face was still there.

"What about Jacob and Sacha?" She asked enthusiastically. The silence in the house dawned on her as she realized everything.

"David fought with Quil when he knew." Embry said as Quil held out his bloodied arm towards us. "It's not so serious now, though."

"Oh damn." I managed to say as I pressed my forehand and thumb on my temples, my eyes closed.

I looked up as I heard the door close with a bang. I looked up and tried searching for Bella. She's gone. I chased her outside.

"Bella! Bella, please let me explain!" I shouted over the heavy rain.

"Get away from me Jacob! Just get away from me!" She screamed back. The tears flowed relentlessly on her cheeks.

I hugged her in the rain but she struggled to let go. She couldn't let go. "Please," I mumbled in her ear as I trembled—fighting back the anger. "Let me explain."

"No!" She kept pounding her hands on my arms but I didn't let her go. She stopped and cried. "Even though I don't know who this Sacha is, I don't want to know!"

I never wanted this to happen. Not in a million years. Not ever.

How could I? How could I hurt her? She was right, I was a monster—a monster with no heart. That fact would never change—the fact that I was a monster and I did not deserve her love.

"Bella, please," I begged. "Listen to me. Just for a moment." I could feel the break in my own voice. She struggled as my own tears started to fall. I let her go and she went her own way.

"Take me home!" She said as another realization dawned on her.

"Let me explain first." I pleaded again. I knelt on the wet ground and took her hands but she yanked them away.

"I want to hear it." She said angrily, finally agreeing to listen. "I want to hear your pathetic excuses, Jacob."

"Bella, I was drunk." She snorted at my reason. "I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing. Please, Bella, I'm telling you the truth."

"When did this happen?" She said through her teeth. I stayed where I was, knelt on the ground, asking for her improbable forgiveness.

"During the getaway," I said, defeat present in my voice. "Bella, I know that—"

"Shut up, Jacob! Just for once, please shut up!" She screamed, anger and pain coursing through her being. I felt the same. I didn't want this. "I shouldn't have trusted you. . . you're just the same as Edward. Both of you just didn't want me. So what? You used me? Was I a shiny toy for you, Jacob, huh?"

"No, Bella! You've never been like that to me. If only you could understand what I feel for you. . ."

"Now I understand, Jacob. I'm just like a petty Barbie doll. Playing with me one time; when you get tired, you'll leave me on the cold floor. Is that what I look like to you?"

"You've never been like that for me, Bella."

"Then tell me, Jacob! Before I burst into hysterics, tell me!"

"You're my sun, my universe, my everything. That's a laconic answer, I know, but there's truth in them. Believe me, Bella." I told her, defeat and worry filling me. Pain, sadness, anger, depression mixed in my being.

I bowed my head as I waited for her yelling to continue but there were no sounds but the raindrops. I looked up and saw her head bowed, eyes closed, tears streamed down her cheeks.

I sentenced her to my embrace and this time, she didn't pound on me.

I wanted to hold her forever in my arms. I wanted to hold on tight to her and let her go. I guess I was just foolish to think that it will ever happen. The time that was left for us was now gone. She wasn't mine anymore. She will never be again.

Oh what have I done?

"Please take me home, Jacob." She said calmly, shivering in the cold. I stood. She looked up to me, feeling the sense of goodbye in her eyes.

I nodded and placed her on my back. We strode silently away towards Bella's house. The trip was silent, neither of us speaking.

Guilt and pain consumed me. I couldn't put them in words. I felt useless now.

I placed Bella on the ground when I reached her place. I've hurt her so much that I could barely look at her. She stomped on the ground heavily, heading towards the door. She opened it and stood there for a moment, facing me.

More streams of tears fell from her eyes as she shouted, "Leave me, Jacob." She slammed the door shut.

Those three words stuttered in my head like a tape playing over and over again. It broke me into fragments of glass.

I could hear Charlie tell her, "What did he do to you, Bella?" Charlie looked out the glass of their door, glaring at me. He saw nothing but the boy who hurt his daughter.

"Nothing, Dad." Bella said. I could hear the sobs in between as she spoke. There were slamming of doors here and there.

I couldn't take this anymore. I turned around and ran towards nothing. It was useless. Nothing was worth living for. I've lost my chance and there was nothing left for me to do. What was left was to die. I wanted that so much right now.

At least death was peaceful but I'd still be in pain knowing that I've left the biggest part of me on Earth.

I phased, ignoring the thoughts that my brothers in my head. I ran towards nothing. I ran and ran until the power in me was gone. I ran and ran until I could no longer remember Jacob Black.

AN: Tell me what you think, alright? Side comments are highly appreciated. Any thoughts on Jacob?