Chapter 25

Sian

So last night was… interesting?

I'm staring at the clock which had just changed to 6:03.

That's right I have stayed awake the whole night cause my brain had been going round and round working in overdrive trying to get my head around what happened last night.

And trust me when your brain is going round and round it starts to hurt and get confusing!

Sophie has slept straight through, thank god, I don't think I could have managed another more drama in one night and I don't think she could either.

A big part of me is thinking that this has got something to do with my wonderful 'father' - or prick of the north as I like to call him now.

Seriously I think my happiness lasted for about the whole of two minutes.

Okay, okay, okay maybe four!

Don't get me wrong, I'm still happy, I mean I have Sophie lying in my arms, what more could I want? Well I ask myself this question and the answer would be that I would love to erase all of Sophie's bad memories so she could just look forward to the future with me!

"Stop thinking so hard, I can hear your cogs turning."

I was thinking so hard that I hadn't notice Sophie stirring beside me.

"Yeah well I think I have the right to be thinking over time Soph. What happened last night?"

Seriously I was freaking out about it.

"I'm pretty sure the last time I checked it was called fainting"

Oh she's pulling out the sarcasm is she?

"Don't be like babe."

She shuffled around and faced me.

"Sorry. I'm narky in the morning, my mind cant function at this time. Sian its like six, that's way too early"

Hmm, she does look extremely tired, the fact that she said that whole sentence with her eyes closed and it was a completely mumbled towards me.

She really wasn't going to chat was she?

"Fine okay but I'm going to get a drink, I'll be back In a minute"

I gave her a quick kiss on the nose and slid out from underneath the covers, popping my feet in to my Ugg boots and grabbing a hoody before pulling it over my bed head.

I shuffled through into the kitchen letting out a yawn.

The sun was just coming up and was starting to stream through the window in to the front room.

I grabbed a glass from the cupboard above the sink and filled it with water. I leaned against the counter top and sighed.

What am I going to do?

I have my girlfriend lying in our bed next door who by the looks of things is falling apart.

Do I give her a gentle nudge so she opens up to me and I can try and help her with whatever it is she's going through?

Or do I casually come out with 'Oh by the way when you were lying unconscious on the floor I just happened to notice that you are covered in scars. Fancy having a chat?'

Maybe not the latter of the two then.

Looks like I'll just be waiting until she's ready then…

Or…

No I couldn't…

Could I?

Oh my dirty, dirty mind…

…

…

Sorry I just spaced out and was thinking about stripping Sophie stark naked and having my way with her…

What? At least I would kill two birds with one stone.

First bird being that I would be able to start the conversation about the scars.

Second bird being that I would get to jump my girlfriends bones!

Right okay not the best of plans but have you come up with anything better?

I took a sip of my water and made my way over to the window. I sat up on the window sill and looked out to the early morning sky.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on my knees.

I never took myself to be a morning person but it can be nice just to look out to the world in the morning in complete and utter silence, watching the odd person jogging past or walking their dog.

I breathed in the scent of Sophie on her hoody that I was currently wearing. My fingers automatically found the bracelet on my left wrist.

Whenever I thought of Sophie I would subconsciously play with the bracelet that she gave me.

"I thought you said you'd only be a minute and its been longer than a minute"

"And I thought you said you weren't a morning person"

I took my eyes away from the window and over to my girl who was leaning up against the doorframe of the living room.

Man she looks hot when she wears my clothes and the next time I wear that hoody it will smell of her beautiful scent.

"Well the bed was getting cold and I was lonely"

Aww isn't that the cutest?

"Sorry I got lost in my thoughts. I'll have you know that looking at the world this early isn't that bad actually"

She smiled at me and shook her head.

"Only you would be able to get my ass out of my bed at this time. I don't think I've ever seen this time of the day, well maybe once and I was getting in the door from a late night out, so I don't think it counts"

"I just have that charm about me I suppose"

She walked over to the window towards me. She sat up and pushed her back flush against my front so that we were now both looking out the window.

"And its that charm that I love about you"

I wrapped my arms around her waist, but gently, as somehow I thought I might hurt her because of her scars. I rubbed my thumbs over her sides.

"You still cold?"

"No, not as much now thanks"

She leaned her head back on my shoulder and sighed.

I kissed her temple and then her cheek.

"You okay now?"

"No not really but I am better for being in your arms. I'm sorry about last night Sian, I didn't mean to scare you, I don't know what happened. One minute I was sleeping, the next I couldn't breath and then I woke lying on the floor."

She sighed heavily against me yet again.

"You really need to stop apologising, you didn't deliberately pass out. And yeah you did scare me but it was only because I was scared for you. I've never really had anybody pass out on me before so lets just say that it was an experience. The only thing that matters is that your okay now."

She abruptly got up to her feet and turned to face me.

Boy she looked angry.

"But Sian I don't know if I am okay or if I ever will be"

Woah okay I wasn't expecting that.

"I don't think I've ever been okay. Starting off with that fact that I had to except the fact that I was gay, thinking that my parents would actually maybe get there head around it and except me for me but know they fucking kicked me out and from then my life has spiralled out of control and pretty fucking fast at that too. Having a girlfriend beat the shit out of me wasn't exactly what I was expecting to happen in my first relationship. What kind of person was I that I let it happen, I let it go on for months but I couldn't stop it and it wasn't as if anybody noticed it cause the only person in my life was her. I had nobody but her Sian!"

I get the feeling that she has been holding that in for a long time.

The tears were slowly starting the trickle down her face.

"Sophie, violence in a relationship is never the victims fault, you hear me. So don't ever say that, ever."

I made my way over to her.

"Don't, don't Sian."

Wait, what?

"I don't deserve you Sian. I'm just a fuck up. Why would you want someone like me Sian? I'm damaged goods."

Fuck, I've never seen her this angry.

"Why would you want me when I've got a body like this?"

And that's when it happened.

She lifted her hoody and her top to reveal those scars that I had seen last night.

The tears were streaming down her face by this point.

And so were mine.

"She's always going to be with me Sian, wherever I go, she'll be there"

I've had enough of this talk.

"You listen to me Sophie Webster. You, you are perfect to me. You're beautiful, inside and out, your loving, caring, genuine, that's why I fell for you Sophie because of the person that you are now. I cant even begin to imagine how hard your life has been for you Soph but I'm so proud of you for having the courage to tell your parents that you were gay. I cant even imagine the conversation in my head let alone say it out loud to my parents. I mean I feel awful about the fact I have to lie about you to my family. I want nothing more than to stride out of the closet and just fuck everybody's opinions about me!"

I stepped closer to her and this time she didn't stop me.

My fingers found her stomach and I traced over her scars.

"And as for these, they don't make me think any different of you and you don't look any less beautiful. In a way it shows me how strong you have been. I know she has marked you and I hate her for that, really I do, but you did get away from her Sophie. You managed to get out of that relationship, yeah, I don't know how you did it and you don't have to tell me how but I'm so proud that you did. It takes someone with great courage to get through that."

She took her eyes away from mine and looked down at the ground.

"But they're horrible Sian. And I wasn't brave. The night I got away from her wasn't because I walked away from it, it was because I was brought in to hospital and she was arrested. The night she gave me this scar…"

She pointed at the one that clearly was in a shape of a 'K'

"It was the same night that she stabbed me and left me to die!"

"What?"

DUNDUNDUN!