["dolor hic tibi proderit olim"- someday this pain will be useful to you]

"Good, you're awake."

Tadashi groaned, eyes fluttering open. He didn't feel awake. It felt more like he'd been hit by a bus.

"W-What happened?" he managed to croak out, lips cracked and covered in blood.

He didn't recognize the medic attending to him, but that didn't mean much— shinobi from all over the world were working together in this alliance, after all. But they handed him a glass of water to sip from, so he couldn't really care less where they were from.

"We managed to recover you from the ruins of the building," they reported, helping him to sit up in the little cot he was laying on.

That sent off a myriad of memories in his brain as he struggled to remember. "Anyone else? What happened to Uncle—"

"Nara Shikaku has been recovered," the medic interrupted, and they spoke in a hurry, as if trying to stop him from thinking about it too much. "You just concentrate on resting and getting better. The war is coming to a head. Things are going to end soon, for better or for worse."

"Wow, that's comforting," Tadashi chuckled exhaustively. He felt like he should be questioning this more, but he was so tired.

"Just sleep," the medic said, their face becoming blurry as Tadashi lost himself.

Why… he thought, one last second before he fell into unconsciousness. Why is my body so numb?

(|||)

The next time he woke up, it was to about the last person he had ever expected to see.

"…Kabuto?" Tadashi said in disbelief, eyeing his former teammate who had an almost sheepish expression on his face. "What the fuck. Am I hallucinating?"

"Not to my knowledge," Kabuto said, reaching up to adjust his glasses in a move that was so familiar, Tadashi could almost imagine that he was twelve-years old again.

"Then why are you here?"

Kabuto smiled thinly. "I'm under arrest. This is just where they put me."

"They put you in with the injured people?" Tadashi would have facepalmed if he'd had the strength. "Why? In what world would that be a good idea?"

"I am a medic, you know," Kabuto said mildly.

"The last time I saw you, I got my stomach punctured. Forgive me if I don't feel comfortable having you around when I'm in a weakened state," Tadashi retorted, tone as dry as the desert his soulmate ruled.

"Mm, fair enough," Kabuto acknowledged. He still didn't give an explanation, and Tadashi didn't really care that much. He figured that if Kabuto was in the medic tent with him, it was for a good reason.

After that little spat, the two were left in silence. How many years had it been? How much had changed for them, in that time?

"I'd heard that you met your soulmate," Kabuto said, gesturing to his covered wrist. "Are you… fond of him?"

Tadashi gave him a sidelong glance. Kabuto had always been weird about the topic of soulmates— and coming from Tadashi, that was saying something.

"I suppose that's one way to put it," he said, fighting to keep his voice neutral. Whatever Kabuto was after, he wasn't going to get it.

"I'm glad." Though his voice was quiet, it seemed sincere.

Hm, and Tadashi thought that he'd been through with surprises for today.

"Why?" he blurted out, taking a moment to jerkily sit up. Kabuto reached forward, almost as if he was going to help, but Tadashi shied away. "Why do you care? I don't even know you!"

Kabuto flinched back, something hurt crossing his face, and Tadashi forcibly stamped down on the flash of guilt. This had all been boiling up inside of him for years, and it was about time he got the chance to say it.

"Whoever you were when we were teammates, it wasn't the real you. So why do you care? The person that you are right now doesn't know me."

Tadashi finished his little rant, panting from exertion. God, he was still so weak. Then, to his ultimate surprise, Kabuto began laughing.

"The person I am now doesn't know much of anything," he said, laughter still spilling uncontrollably from his lips. "Yakushi Kabuto… Who is that? Even I don't know. I guess that's why I'm still here. Why they let me live."

"They?" Tadashi asked, curious despite himself.

"Sasuke and Itachi." Kabuto moved to sit a bit more comfortably in his chair, making Tadashi realize for the first time that he wasn't lying in one of the beds— Kabuto was next to him, staring down from his chair with that same placid expression as always. "They were the ones that fought against me. That defeated me. My resurrections are gone. All the souls have returned to the afterlife, where they should be."

"Kabuto…" Tadashi murmured. "Why?"

It was an entirely different question than before, and Kabuto knew it.

"You love your soulmate," Kabuto said, and Tadashi envied his confidence, the way he stated it like it was just a simple fact. "I love mine. But I was never enough for him. Never, ever enough."

Against his will, Tadashi's heart clenched. Wasn't this the one thing that he had always been afraid of? Wasn't this the thing that still held him back, even now?

"I just wanted to be better." The tired expression on Kabuto's face was something that Tadashi found himself relating to all too well. "I wanted to be perfect, for him. And for myself."

"Nobody can be perfect," Tadashi said quietly.

"No." And here, Kabuto smiled. "But people have always told us that we have to be. That's the nature of soulmates, isn't it? Being perfect, being exactly what your partner needs?"

"That's not how loving someone works," Tadashi argued. It was strange, having this discussion. It felt almost like he was fighting against a past version of himself. "That's not how being human works. Perfection is impossible. To be human is to improve. And to love someone, you have to keep ahold of yourself, of what made them love you in the first place."

"Wouldn't it be nice, if other people thought this way?" And just like that, Kabuto leaned back with his serene smile fixed firmly in place, as if that almost intimate moment had never happened. "Just imagine how much suffering could be abated in this world, if we were allowed to be a little bit more human."

Frustration welling up, Tadashi turned away. His anger mixed with his exhaustion, settling down into a mix that burned straight through to his bones.

"Being human isn't easy." He would know. He'd spent two lifetimes now, being painfully, achingly, desperately human.

"I know." In that moment, Kabuto's voice sounded almost gentle. Tadashi didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to sympathize with this traitor, with the person who'd left such deep scars on him— mental and physical.

He attempted to curl in on himself, but the shooting pain stopped him from making any progress. He let out a strangled yelp, moving to face Kabuto once more.

"You're right about one thing— you are a medic. So, tell me— what's wrong with my leg?"

(|||)

"I'm glad to see that you're awake," Hana said, the worry lines on her face relaxing somewhat. Kabuto was off to the corner, nursing a broken nose. She had not been happy to see him, and honestly would've done worse if she'd thought that she could get away with it. "Are you alright?"

Tadashi didn't respond, staring ahead like he hadn't even acknowledged her presence.

Hana waved her hand in front of his face, frowning in concern. "Hello? Anybody in there?"

Tadashi's attention snapped to her, abruptly, and she had to resist a flinch at the numbness in his eyes.

"Oh, hello Hana," he said, as if this was just another day at the village. "Is the conflict over, then?"

"…Madara has been defeated," she said slowly, unsure of what was going on exactly. "The masked man is apparently Uchiha Obito, Kakashi's old teammate. He was alive when I last saw him, but his chances didn't seem great. Sakura-chan was working on him. Apparently, Naruto-kun insisted."

"Oh, is that so?" Tadashi mused, voice still eerily casual. "I know that he has a kind heart, but that seems like a little much, doesn't it?"

"I think Obito is Naruto's soulmate," Hana confided, but she immediately regretted it, seeing the way Tadashi's expression darkened.

"I see."

Hana wavered, unsure of what to say, what to do. For all that he was a generally uncomplicated person, she'd always had trouble reading Tadashi's intentions. "Is… is something wrong?"

"No," he said dully, "nothing's wrong. Have you heard anything about Shikaku and the others? No one will tell me anything."

She blinked at the abrupt change of topic, but then his words registered and she internally panicked.

"Um, no one told you? W-Well… Shikaku-san, he…"

"So he is dead." The way Tadashi said it, he could have been commenting on the weather. "I'd thought so. Otherwise they wouldn't have tried to hide it nearly as much. How did I survive, then? I would have been right next to him when the explosion happened."

"I-I haven't read the official report," Hana said numbly, already able to tell where this was going. "But from what I heard, he shielded you at the last second."

There was a long silence.

"Ha. Figures."

Hana looked up, staring at her teammate. There was tears streaming down his face.

"Oh, Tadashi…" she whispered, embracing him as if in the hope that she could protect him from all the monsters in his heart.

"My leg, Hana," he muttered, voice choked as he latched onto her desperately— he held her, in that moment, like she was the only thing that was keeping him from flying apart. "I can't feel my leg."

Hana closed her eyes and hugged him tighter, wishing that heartbreak and loss was something that could be defeated as easily as a war.