A/N: So. This chapter is a beast. There was so much I wanted to cover before we left Paris. It sounds really awful but I really enjoyed writing the first and second scenes. I hope you're not too angry with me at the end of this!
Speaking of all you wonderful readers, thank you so much for all the love! Special thanks to the ever-phenomenal Stencil Your Heart, beta-extraordinaire and encourager of impulse online shopping!
WARNING! This chapter is fraught with the following: language, angst, and mild gore. There is also a scene near the end involving the treatment of women that might upset readers. Please note that the scene is drawn right from the pages of history...the war was not a pleasant experience for pretty much…anyone…living in Europe at the time and I'm not going to shy away from depicting those realities.
Disclaimer: I don't own Cap. If I did I'd be drinking champagne and laughing at the zero balance on my student loans.
Chapter 25: Fights and Old Friends
The deafening silence that followed Bucky's admission throbbed painfully in Sadie's ears. Though Bucky stood on the other side of the tiny bedroom, he might as well have been on the other side of the Grand Canyon such was the disconnect she felt. Each of Bucky's three words echoed in her head, giving rise to the thudding ache between her temples. Believing that Bucky had been tortured and used for human experimentation was one thing; having him confirm the truth was an entirely different matter. Sadie couldn't decide if she was angry or disappointed or just downright depressed. Perhaps it was a combination of all three, she thought miserably.
Blood started to trickle from the scrapes down her leg. Rising to her feet, she limped to the dresser and retrieved the bandages. Bucky pushed away from the wall to join her. He took the gauze packet before she could stop him and tore it open. Neither of them said a word while he dabbed the blood away. When he finished, Sadie opened an antiseptic gauze pad and placed it over the worst part of her wound. He reeled back and watched her go to work wrapping her leg up as best as she could. While she worked, Sadie tried to untangle the gnarled knot of emotions that coursed through her but Bucky was the first to break the still air.
"So, are you gonna say something? Or should I plan on the silent treatment all night?"
Sadie's temper flared up, so close to snapping in the face of his surly attitude. If his temper was a match then hers was the tinder, just begging to be lit up and start an uncontrollable blaze. They'd had plenty of disagreements before and even unpleasant exchanges but Sadie couldn't remember ever having a real fight with Bucky. But now she was itching for a fight and Bucky had served her the perfect opening line. Keeping her temper at bay proved to be more difficult than she anticipated.
"What do you want me to say?" She asked, her voice dangerously quiet. "Do you want me to tell you that I understand? Are you waiting for me to agree with what you did or say that it's okay? If so you'll be waiting a long, long time."
Bucky reeled back, rocking onto his heels and then upright again. Sadie tied off the bandage and inspected her handiwork. Even on herself, her lines were damn near perfectly straight and even. A folded, simple dress appeared in front of her. Sadie took the garment from Bucky and undid the buttons. She tugged the garment on over her head while he retreated to the other side of the room once more. The gap between them widened.
"How about you tell me what you're really thinking?" He asked as her head emerged from the neckline.
"I think that you're one of the smartest men I know," she replied. Her fingers fumbled over the buttons on the dress that hung off her frame. "Which is why I don't understand how you could be so unbelievably stupid."
Bucky crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her. "That's a matter of opinion, Sade."
"No. It's not," she snapped feeling her simmering temper start to bubble a little faster. "Bucky, you lied to the doctor in Azzano and when you had a chance to correct the record you lied to the SSR and said you didn't remember what happened! Under any normal circumstance that's idiotic but do you have any idea how lucky you are? What if you got sick and we had no idea how to treat you? God forbid, what if the doctor gave you something that reacted adversely to the drugs still in your system? You could have died, Bucky. Do you get that?"
When Bucky rolled his eyes she narrowed hers. "Oh come on, Sade. It's fine! I'm fine! Besides what was I supposed to say? 'Gee Doc, the bastard down at the old factory used me as a lab rat but I can't tell you what he pumped into me?' What good would it have done?"
"It would have kept the doctor from giving you something that could have done more damage than good!" Sadie shouted at him. "We have protocols for this kind of stuff! We would know to wait before giving you anything! The more we know about what happened the better we can treat you!"
"I couldn't even see what Zola was doing to me half the time! And I couldn't exactly stroll over to the medicine cabinet while he had me strapped down to the goddamn table!" Sadie's bitter response died in her throat. He'd caught her off guard, throwing a new piece of information in her face that she wasn't ready for. When she blinked an awful image bloomed in the back of her mind, one of Bucky in that torn uniform attached to tubes and strapped down, alone and stuck staring at the ceiling. She tried to keep her expression straight but she failed miserably and Bucky caught on immediately. "That right there," he pointed to her face. "That's why I didn't want to tell you. It's bad enough that I have to live with it but I don't want you to have to live with it too."
Sadie's hands shook. Desperate to give herself something to do other than just stare at Bucky, she reached for the ruined dress on the bed. Clutching the fabric, she stared at the blue and shook her head. "So what's your excuse for everyone else?" She asked, pulling at the expensive fabric bunched up in her fingers. "You don't think I'm strong enough to handle the truth, that's fine. You're not the first person to underestimate me and I'm sure you won't be the last but that's no excuse for the rest of the world, not for your duty to tell the truth during debriefing and not to Steve who didn't even want to believe that you would lie about this in the first place."
"This isn't about underestimating you," Bucky snapped, his voice rising in volume. "I know you can handle the truth. Hell, you're stronger than I am and we both know it."
Sadie collapsed onto the bed and Bucky went to her. The mattress creaked and shifted when he sat next to her, sending her body tipping closer to him. "Then what is it, Bucky? Because I've been going round and round this problem for months and I can't figure you out."
He blew out a hard sigh. "It's about keeping you separate from what happened. There's this wall that I've built in my head that keeps you apart from all of the bad so when I'm with you it's nothing but the good. If I drag you into this then I have to knock that wall down and things won't be the same anymore."
At last, something she understood. Reaching across the void, she touched the far side of his jaw, guiding him to look at her instead of down at his hands. "Bucky," she started to say but he cut her off.
"I know it's a stupid way to look at things and we can't go on like this forever." Sadie stilled when he cupped her face with one of his hands, dragging his thumb over her cheek. "But you weren't there," he whispered, searching her face out. "Zola pumped all these drugs into me and half the time I was on another planet."
"Hallucinogens," she filled in the gap for him. "Zola used them on previous patients."
"I couldn't tell what was real from what was fake. I hallucinated about a ton of stuff but you and Steve the most. Stuff from when I was kid to waking up in bed with you and Sadie, I swear I could feel your body against mine and you told me to hold on and I did. But then I would go back under and you don't know how many times I watched you die." Sadie reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes. "That son of a bitch made me live it over and over again."
Sadie curled her fingers behind his neck and pulled him forward, right into her. Bucky gathered her into his lap and buried his face in her shoulder. She wound her arm around him, stroking his hair while he worked to compose himself. Hot tears soaked onto her bare skin and she felt the barely exaggerated rise and fall of his broad shoulders.
"I don't know what you saw," she said after a while, still running her fingers through his hair and along his scalp comfortingly. "And I can't even imagine how it felt. I wish I could go into that head of yours and take it all away but I can't and you can't keep relying on me to be the sole source of your happiness by keeping me separate from the darker parts of you."
Taking his head in her hands, she lifted it up. Bucky's eyes swam in his tears and were the bluest she'd ever seen, ringed with red and standing out against his pale skin. Swirling in the watery depths she could see the emotions he'd hidden from her for so long. All of the insecurity, fear, anxiety and anger came to the surface where she could see it all unfold in front of her.
"I want to know all of you, including the darkest parts. Loving you means loving all of you just as you are."
"What if you don't like what you see?"
Sadie dipped her head and kissed him, letting her lips linger on his. Bucky tried to hold onto the kiss even when she pulled away and exhaled against her thumb when she dragged it across his lower lip. "I promise to love you regardless," she swore and kissed his brow. "Even when we don't like each other very much. But you have to be honest with me. It's one thing to take your time, but you can't lie anymore. Not about this or anything else. I trust you with my life but I need to know I can trust you with my heart."
"You can," he argued. "Come on, you know you can! Maybe I made a mistake but I've never lied to you."
"Not to my face but what you did could have had far reaching consequences here and now. What if you exhibited latent side-effects in the field and we didn't know? Sometimes I think you forget that outside of this," she gestured between their intertwined bodies, "you're still one of my patients."
When Bucky shifted his weight she took it as a sign and slid off his lap, ready for round two. He wiped the last of his tears away with rough hands but the words that spilled out of his lips were far rougher. "What's it gonna take to get you to let this go? I'm not sorry I did it and I can't go back and undo it so what do you want?"
It was Sadie's turn to retreat to the far side of the room. There she could see Bucky hunched over where he sat, staring at her with reproach, as though Sadie herself were putting him on trial for his sins. A significant part of her wanted to cave, to just let it go and crawl back into his arms and hide from the monsters of the world but she couldn't. She wanted a fight and now she had one.
"If you're not going to own up to your mistake then at least tell me why."
"I didn't think it was important," he muttered, echoing what he'd said before.
Sadie's temper snapped. A frustrated smile came to her and her humorless laugh filled the room. Turning away from him she rubbed her temples in an attempt to expel the anger. "That's such bullshit, Bucky. You knew exactly what you were doing!"
"I didn't want to end up in a lab, okay? Steve told me what happened after he got made into a super soldier - about how Colonel Phillips wanted to turn him into a lab rat - and I wasn't gonna let that happen to me. And I'm glad I did it, Sadie. Because now I'm doing this. I'm with Steve and I'm with you and I get the chance to find Zola and put a bullet between his eyes for what he did and for all the other guys that didn't make it."
A bitter taste welled up in Sadie's mouth. Disbelief colored her face when she turned back to look at him, to see if he really meant what he was saying, what he was insinuating. "Revenge?" She echoed, her voice painfully hollow. "That's what this is about? To find and murder Zola?"
"It's what he deserves."
"No," her voice rose up in defiance. "You're not this man, Bucky."
"Why shouldn't I be?" He snarled in return, so fierce in his beliefs that Sadie slid a step back, hitting the wall. "He's killed plenty of people already and guess what? So have I!"
"But never in cold blood." Her words echoed against the four walls and in the ensuing silence she could hear her heart absolutely hammering against her breastbone. "The man that I know?" She clutched at the chain around her neck, curling her fingers around the songbird chain. "The one I fell in love with? He would never do that."
"Yeah, well, maybe you don't know me as well as you think."
A slap to the face would have been less surprising. Sadie's head spun from the accusation that cut her deep, right into the heart of her insecurities. She wanted to flee in the face of Bucky's harshness but something in her blazed to life, spurring her forward, and she made it halfway across the room before she couldn't keep the words in. "Don't do this to me, don't shut me out! I'm right and you know it. God, Bucky, I don't get it. I don't understand why you're so focused on catching this god-awful man!"
"Because I'm scared of losing you!" Bucky shouted. The space between them disappeared, eliminated in the three strides Bucky took so he could place his hands on her face. "He threatened you, Sadie," his throat closed up and he pressed his forehead to hers. "He threatened to use you and Rebecca and my parents to get what he wanted out of me and I am terrified that if I don't do something - if I don't get rid of him - that something's going to happen to you." Sadie tasted the salt from his tears on her lips when he kissed her, his mouth hard on hers. "Sadie if you died-I don't think I'd ever get over it."
Sadie grasped his wrists, holding them gently so she could step back. "And what about me?" Her voice trembled. "This is why I swore to myself I wouldn't fall for a soldier - because you don't have to watch me march off to battle. You don't have to watch me so blindly and willingly throw my life away for this empty pursuit of revenge. You don't live with the constant fear of losing you while you're still alive."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"This need to get Zola, to get your revenge for what he did to you is eating you alive. And I'm terrified if you don't learn to let it go it's going to keep eating away at you until you're nothing but a shell. Until you've forgotten everything and everyone else you have to live for and your existence is reduced to nothing but this burning hatred." Sadie wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And as much as I love you I'm not going to live with your ghost. I want a real life with you, Bucky. I want a wedding and a marriage. I want to have your children. I want dozens of stupid fights that we'll laugh about later and anniversaries that number in the decades. And I want all of these things with you and not the shell of you. And if you think that's not something you can give me then you need to tell me."
Bucky wiped his face with a shaking hand. "Sadie, I want all of those things, you know that I do but none of this is that easy; it's not a light switch I can just turn off."
"I know it's not simple but I also know that you're so much more than the three weeks that Arnim Zola took from you."
The quiet that followed gave Sadie just long enough to feel the exhaustion that leeched into her very bones. Festering and growing in magnitude and power, Sadie could feel the weariness sucking the very life out of her. The bed, despite belonging to a stranger, looked so inviting to Sadie, begging her to sink into the covers and into oblivion. Cool fingers touched her temple before trailing a familiar path along her hairline until Bucky rest his hand on the curve of her neck. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. A private, furious war waged inside of him, the battle between what he wanted to say and what he thought she wanted to hear.
"What if it is?" He swallowed hard, barely able to force the words out. "I like to pretend that those three weeks didn't change me but they did. Sitting in a metal cage night after night listening to guys screaming in their sleep or watching the guards murder O'Connell in front of me? Or the hours strapped to a table listening to that son of a bitch threatening you and drugging me? I barely held on and the only thing keeping me going was thinking about going home to you and to Steve and to my family and if keeping you safe and alive means losing you? If that's what it takes then," he heaved a sigh, "then that's what it takes."
"I don't want to do this without you," she whispered, feeling the last of her anger wash away under a wave of sadness.
"I don't either, but you said it yourself - if I can't let this go then I lose you. That's right, isn't it?"
Sadie couldn't speak. The answer he already knew remained lodged in her throat. Cracks all along the surface of her heart grew and spread, ready to fall apart at the slightest provocation. She openly leaned into his touch and didn't fight Bucky when he guided her into his shoulder. A sob rose up and escaped her lips, muffled into his expensive shirt. Bucky folded her tightly into him. The way he held her and stroked her back contradicted his concerns and the warning in his words. Her composure shattered. There was nothing Bucky could do except hold her while she sobbed into his chest. Sadie gave into her exhaustion and her sorrow, allowing her body to become limp in Bucky's arms. He held onto her with one and used his free hand to pull back the covers on the bed before he laid her down. Bucky followed suit, pausing long enough to kick off his shoes and turn off the light.
"It's been a long night." Sadie clung to him as her tears ran out, leaving wet spots and makeup stains on his shirt. "Try and sleep."
Sadie lost the battle with her exhaustion. Sleep took her, unaware that Bucky lay awake for a long time after, stroking her hair and thinking about what he was willing to give up for the sake of the woman in his arms.
X X X
A series of vague, unsettling dreams plagued Sadie through the night. When she woke up she lay still for a long time, listening to Bucky's even breathing behind her. She wanted nothing more than to roll over and press her palm to his chest so she could try and count the beats of his heart. So many times she'd imagined sharing a bed with Bucky, of falling asleep in his arms and waking up to his comforting touch. But no matter how many permutations she came up with for this exact moment, none of them even came close to the way she felt now.
She blinked at the solid wall she faced. A nasty voice in the back of her head wondered why she hadn't started crying yet. Where was the wild and unpredictable emotion that was supposed to come with romantic upheaval? Shouldn't she be sobbing or throwing things or fainting into the nearest sofa? Wasn't that the take away from every romantic book she'd read or movie she'd seen? Sadie supposed she was supposed to feel angry and betrayed, even worried that Bucky would ultimately reject her foisting a decision on him he wasn't ready to make. If Betty or Evelyn were there Sadie expected both of them would say she should feel all of those things. But Sadie didn't.
Instead she just felt empty and numb.
Her mind drifted back to the last moments she had with Bucky before he was taken as a prisoner. Certainly the war had changed them both up to that point but back then Bucky was still shiny and new, unaffected by Zola or HYDRA and his only goal in life was to get home to the people he loved. Somewhere between losing Corporal Meyers and Bucky's ill-fated attempt at a first kiss, she'd asked how many horrors could any one person endure before breaking?
Sadie had her answer now. She felt like a child's wind-up toy, trapped in a never-ending, never-changing repetitive cycle. Soldiers lived and died. Her hands saved and failed. She gave too much of herself at the risk of losing yet another piece of her heart. Her father and Betty took parts of her she would never get back. Was Bucky destined to take even more than he already had? Would she be forced to endure the pain of knowing he chose to walk away?
Behind her the mattress shifted and she felt Bucky roll over before his arm slipped around her waist. In spite of their turmoil and the uncertainty, his warm body comforted her just a little. "I can practically hear you thinking, Sade." Bucky's lips were buried in her hair, sending his voice through the loose curls to slip into her ear. Sadie closed her eyes and settled deeper into his chest.
"I can't help it," she replied and reached for his hand draped across her middle. Lacing their fingers together, she rest their joined hands against her chest. "When I imagined waking up next to you I didn't think it would be like this."
"Me either," he admitted, pressing a tender kiss to her head. "I always figured there would be way less clothes."
Despite herself and the mood, Sadie grinned and kicked at his shin. "In your dreams, buck sergeant."
"Many times," he teased and moved back so he could coax her into rolling over. Sadie struggled with the cumbersome skirt of her dress until she was facing Bucky, drinking in his slightly sallow coloring and the redness that ringed his eyes. He held her close, both of them possessed with the knowledge that they would be parted soon with no idea how long that separation would be. The steely light in his blue eyes from the night before was gone now, replaced with concern. His voice was rough and still heavy with sleep but true when he spoke. "I love you."
"I know." Sadie framed the side of his face. "I've never doubted that for a second."
Bucky nodded and happily accepted her when she nestled deeper against him. For a while she was content to stay in that moment, before they had to face reality. "Sade? I'm sorry." Sadie lifted her head from his shoulder. "For lying to you, to everyone. I wish I thought that an apology could fix the rest of this but I guess it won't."
In a perfect world, Sadie would kiss away the pout on his lips and quell his worries with a well-timed joke. But that world was nothing more than a dream, a fairy-tale shattered in the wake of their fight. A tremor rocked her heart, sending spider cracks across the surface that threatened to spread. Sadie sniffed and buried her face in Bucky's shoulder again so he wouldn't see her eyes water. "You have no idea how much I wish it would."
He held her so tightly that she felt the bruises from her fall ache uncomfortably, but she didn't dare pull back. Sadie would have stayed there in his arms for an eternity but the moment ended with a knock to the door. The door opened just a crack, revealing Peggy. "Sadie? We just got a radio communication, the aide team is en route to collect you before getting to work."
Sadie sat up, still with Bucky's arm draped over her waist. Pushing her fingers through her unruly waves, she nodded. "They'll have my gear?"
"And a change of clothes I'm sure you're desperate for," said Peggy, eyeing Bucky when he followed Sadie's example and sat up. With a single, understanding nod, Peggy shut the door but it was too late. The spell holding things together shattered and before Bucky could stop Sadie, she got out of bed. Lurching forward, he touched her hand and she turned back. Bucky rose up to meet her when she bent over. The kiss they shared would linger for hours into days later, keeping Sadie company when she started to backslide into the darkest of her thoughts and fears.
"I love you. Come back to me when all this is over."
"I will," he promised and stole one final kiss before they were interrupted again, this time by Steve coming to get Bucky up to report for duty.
All Sadie wanted to do was lie back down in bed and cry until she ran out of tears. But the aide team's arrival prevented that - in particular Evelyn, whose joy at seeing her friend alive soon turned to horror at the sight of the bandages. Sadie didn't see Bucky except for one final glance in the back room before she followed the rest of her team to her new mission. Though the pain in her body eventually receded, the emptiness remained, her new constant companion.
X X X
The week that followed certainly wasn't the worst of Bucky's life, but it was trying in its own ways. It came as a relief when the German garrison surrendered. That evening, Bucky stood on a balcony with Steve and the other commandos watching the American 4th Infantry Division roll up the Champs Elysees, following the triumphant French troops marching in to reclaim the crowning jewel of France. Throngs of Parisians took to the streets to watch the spectacle, waving French flags. The civilians sang and danced into the night while most of the Howling Commandos went to sleep in beds for the first time in a week, earning a much-deserved full night's sleep.
Bucky couldn't sleep so easily, plagued by the noise outside of the window. As a native New Yorker, Bucky expected better of himself. Noise was a daily hazard of life in a big city. There was a time when he could sleep anywhere and through just about anything but Paris was awake and so was he.
Rationally speaking, Bucky knew he should be out cold regardless of the party raging through the city. Though he'd endured worse weeks in his life, he couldn't remember spending seven days in a row engaged in intense fighting and constantly moving. First the Commandos fought in the streets with the Resistance before clearing out to run behind enemy lines in the dead space between the city and the suburbs. Bucky lost count of the numbers of small maneuvers he'd played a role in and couldn't name the tiny suburbs to save his life. All he knew was that the battle for Paris was over, the Howling Commandos were safe and, according to Peggy's latest round of intelligence, the aide team - separated from the Commandos for the entirety of the week - were also safe though still up to their eyeballs in work.
Lying in bed alone, Bucky's heart twisted painfully. The last he'd seen of Sadie was a glimpse before she followed her team into the thick of Paris to provide desperately needed medical aid to the Resistance. Two nights after that he'd gotten word that the aide team slipped through a gap in the German line with Peggy and Howard, to provide intelligence and relief to the 4th Infantry Division. But that was five days ago and despite asking Peggy the first chance he got, Bucky never quite received a satisfactory answer as to the whereabouts of the aide team. For all knew, Sadie was bogged down in an aide station halfway across France with Evelyn and Doctor Holmes, up to her elbows in guts and gore and doing the exact same thing he'd been doing all week: throwing herself into her job to avoid thinking about the fragile state of their relationship.
For seven straight days Bucky tried not to think about Sadie. He tried not to think about their fight and he tried not to think about the horrified expression on her face when he revealed too much of himself to her. Bucky did his dead level best not to think about the decision he had to make or the way Sadie sobbed into his chest when he even so much as hinted that their love, no matter how deep, wouldn't survive. More than anything, Bucky forced himself not to think about falling asleep tangled up with her limbs and waking up to discover she was warm and soft in the mornings, the kind of woman he could wake up next to every morning. Bucky tried not to think of what could have and should have been.
Bucky tried not to think about all of these things but found himself repeatedly failing.
When Bucky wasn't contemplating the depressing possibility of losing Sadie, he caught himself dwelling on her words, on the things she discovered and the parts of him he never wanted her to see. Though his actions in the alley were necessary and he would do them again in a heartbeat, Bucky never intended for Sadie to see him kill another human being. Maybe he had been wrong to shut her out emotionally but he knew he was right about wanting her to remain innocent to that particular skill of his. In some ways, Bucky was more horrified by his actions than Sadie was. Putting his violent nature on display unsettled him in part because for the first time since joining the army, he took grim pleasure from killing someone. Watching someone attack Sadie awakened a monster in his chest, stirring it into a frenzy - Bucky's own personal Mr. Hyde. He'd been ready to rip the bastard limb from limb when he started to drag Sadie back down the street and more frightening than that, Bucky was certain he was strong enough to actually do it in that moment. Even when he came out of his rage, Bucky couldn't shake the feeling, the satisfaction he'd gotten out of putting a bullet in her assailant's brain and in knowing that was one less asshole on the planet who could hurt someone he loved.
A swell in the singing outside rang in Bucky's ears. Cursing under his breath, he ignored his protesting muscles and got out of bed, raking a hand through his hair. After he tugged on his boots he left the bedroom in a villa appropriated from the recently ousted occupiers. Wandering down the hall, he walked through a common area in the house and out onto a balcony that was already occupied.
James Falsworth leaned over the railing, cradling a lowball glass in his hands. A bottle of scotch sat on the wide brick ledge.
"They're making a hell of a racket," Bucky noted, wandering onto the balcony to join the Brit.
"Not particularly dignified, is it?" James remarked and then pointed behind Bucky back to the hallway. "There are glasses in the cabinet there."
Bucky retrieved another lowball and poured himself a healthy measure of scotch. The amber liquid burned its way down Bucky's throat, providing some measure of comfort that he hadn't expected to find in the bottle. In the streets below he watched a knot of people dancing together, whirling around each other to the tune of a song drowned out by the din of the crowds. Every so often he could pick out uniforms from various military units and he wondered how many guys in the Fourth division were having a heyday and taking advantage of the local hospitality in more ways than one.
"They've had very little to celebrate these past four years," said James after a while.
Bucky snorted in humorless laughter. "It's amazing they made it this long under Hitler's thumb."
"Many of them didn't," replied James cryptically and Bucky frowned. "Sometimes I forget how much better things are in England and America. We've taken our lumps but at least our people aren't refugees, running from one fight only to be trapped in another."
Bucky thought of the towns he'd seen, reduced to nothing but rubble. On several occasions he'd watched civilians working to clear away the debris brick-by-brick only to discover a body crushed and almost unrecognizable. The sight alone was stomach churning but watching the civilians unearth their own neighbors and family members was another misery entirely. At least at home his family was safe from certain horrors, if not the usual perils of everyday life.
"Paris is still standing though," he noted, sweeping his gaze up from the crowds to the buildings, lit up for the first time in what he suspected was ages.
"Not for lack of Hitler's trying."
"Ain't that the truth," a voice behind them startled both men. Jim Morita sauntered onto the balcony. "Can't catch a wink with all the noise. I'll have better luck sleeping on the plane back to London. I heard Agent Carter saying that the Army's gonna have to call in a bunch of engineers. Apparently Cholitz rigged all the bridges in the city to blow."
"Part of Hitler's orders for the total destruction of the city, I'm sure," remarked James dryly. "I'm just relieved that General Cholitz chose to surrender peacefully."
"Me too, otherwise we'd be here a hell of a lot longer than a week," muttered Bucky, already thinking with longing for London, a first for him.
Morita chuckled and pointed out a particularly amorous couple on the street. Bucky watched the pair engage in a passionate kiss out in the open while nursing a pang in his heart that wouldn't go away. What wouldn't he give to wake Sadie and drag her onto the balcony so they could drink in a piece of living history together? He'd trade a dozen glasses of scotch to feel her rest her head on his chest while they laughed at oddities and ridiculous happenings in the crowd. All he wanted was to hold her against him but they were still worlds apart in every respect.
On the street, the couple held hands as they ran towards a nearby alleyway, disappearing into the shadows. Morita choked on his scotch while James rolled his eyes and spoke with disapproval, "I can only imagine how many children will be born nine months from now."
Bucky didn't even want to wager a guess. He didn't want to feel the empty echo in his chest when he thought about what Sadie said to him about wanting a marriage and anniversaries. The way his heart simultaneously rose into his throat and crashed through the floor when she told him she wanted to have his children was a different monster altogether. Bucky hadn't even thought about having a family until she said something. That future, however intangible it was, seemed like nothing more than a faint hope now.
Paris wasn't even a full day removed from German occupation and already her people were looking to the future. Bucky couldn't even see five minutes into his and the promises he had made felt utterly hollow. How could he have been so foolish to promise Sadie the world when he couldn't even let her all the way in? He loved her, yes, but love wasn't enough. Loving Sadie couldn't erase the need for revenge that drove him or the fact that even after her chastising he still wanted to kill Arnim Zola where he stood. Love could do a lot, but as he started to examine the problem from all angles Bucky realized that love alone couldn't fix this. Not even his life-changing love for Sadie could dissuade him from this goal. That was his future and he was running headlong into it, no matter where or how long it took him.
The people waving flags in the streets and squares and alleys in France could all look into their future and it was full of freedom and vibrancy.
When Bucky looked forward to his all he saw was the bloody climax and no clear path after that.
X X X
The next morning, orders came down from Colonel Phillips that the Commandos would leave Paris the following day. This suited Bucky and every member of the Commandos just fine. While the rest of the group got everything ready to leave the city, Bucky and Steve accompanied Peggy and Howard to just behind the front line, to debrief and retrieve the aide team, who had been working non-stop with the first unit of the 4th infantry division that had already started to push the German line away from the city.
"We have to rendezvous with Battalion HQ when we get in," shouted Peggy over the roar of the engine as Howard drove. "Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, will you go collect Doctor Holmes and Nurses Lewis and Reid? And perhaps have someone look at your shoulder, Steve?"
Steve reached up and rubbed the top of his shoulder, not reaching the bandage that covered a deep graze on his shoulder blade, his first injury of the war. "No problem, Agent Carter."
Bucky tuned out the rest of the banal chatter and watched as the city buildings thinned out until they drove through a thin strip of country. Late summer was beginning to give way to autumn. Absently, he wondered how the weather of London had changed in his short absence. At length, the jeep rolled into the suburb and pulled to a stop outside of a mostly intact church, the enormous wooden double doors thrown open. Bucky hopped out along with Steve and halted to allow two medics carry a stretcher inside.
A cacophony of sounds rose up to the vaulted ceilings but there was so much that Bucky couldn't make much sense of it when he walked inside. Soldiers were laid in the pews and on stretchers supported by crates and anything else the staff could find. As he and Steve passed through the rows, Bucky kept his eyes peeled for any familiar faces. Several heads popped up and turned when Steve walked past, still dressed in his uniform, the shoulder partially torn open from where he'd received his wound.
Deeper and deeper they moved into the hospital, searching for the aide team or for an available nurse or doctor when they reached the back of the church. A door opened into a smaller room, used for prayer and reflection, where dozens of glass candles lined one wall though the kneelers that could be moved had been cleared to make way for a stretcher resting on sturdy crates.
Steve and Bucky stopped in the doorway.
Bucky's knees almost gave in relief. A young woman worked over the stretcher, her dark hair pulled away from her face in a no-nonsense knot and her pale face set in determination. She wore not the standard uniform of Army field nurses but a specially tailored uniform, pants made from sturdier fabric and fit to her long, narrow legs, tucked into combat boots that concealed a knife. The sleeves of her shirt were buttoned back with fabric loops and the shoulder Bucky could see bore the SSR patch, just beneath the insignia on her indicating she was a lieutenant. On her other arm she wore a white band with a red cross and Bucky knew from personal experience that she wore two chains around her neck, one of which bore a token of his affection.
Sadie was a sight for sore eyes and seeing her in perfect condition after a week allowed Bucky to release the breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.
The soldier she treated, however, was in less than perfect condition. His pant leg was torn away and his shirt pulled wide open to reveal his right side was mostly one large open wound. The torn muscles pulsed rapidly and Sadie worked to pull the shrapnel from his chest and side, her hands moving as fast as possible. Her full mouth moved just as swiftly, lips muttering to both the young tech working with her and to the patient. When she pulled the shrapnel he didn't jerk or cry out in pain and Bucky wondered how much morphine was flowing through the soldier's veins. Still, he trembled almost uncontrollably which made Sadie's job even more difficult. Blood stained her hands and the apron she wore over her uniform. She rose up to the tips of her toes when the patient coughed, spitting up blood. Shrapnel and wounds forgotten, Sadie moved up and touched the side of his face.
"You're alright, Lieutenant," she said soothingly. Bucky's stomach clenched, watching her gently stroke the undamaged side of the soldier's face. "It's all alright."
The Lieutenant reached for her with a trembling hand and she gripped his tight, still stroking his face while she stayed in his line of sight. Bucky felt as though he was intruding, walking in on an intensely personal moment that Sadie shared with her patient. She continued to talk to him, using the naturally calming effect of her slow accent, softened to a caress, as she comforted the man. She stayed in his field of vision to ensure that she was the last thing the poor man saw before he died. Sadie readjusted her fingers over his hand, tightening her hold so she could help give him some final measure of comfort while simultaneously feeling the life leave him. He fought for each breath, shaking and shivering until the very last but Sadie was an immovable presence, comforting and steady.
"I'm here," she promised him, brushing the backs of her fingers along his forehead before trailing down his cheek once more. And, as though this touch alone gave him peace, he began to still. His body gave one last shudder and then nothing more. Sadie stayed still a moment longer before she slid her previously comforting touch down to his neck, checking his pulse.
"Nurse Reid?" The technician's voice sounded so small and far away.
"He's gone," she said softly and reached up to close the man's eyes. "Have two volunteers come and move his body."
As she spoke, Sadie reached for the man's left hand, ignoring the charred skin and the stumps where three of his fingers had been. Carefully, she worked the wedding band off the dead Lieutenant's finger and undid the closure on the steel chain around his neck, sliding the wedding ring on to rest next to his dog tags. She checked his birthdate and sighed. "Nurse, is something wrong?"
"His birthday is in three days," she said and then stopped, shaking her head once. "Was."
Then, sensing the presence of others nearby, she raised her head. Sadie blinked at Bucky and Steve owlishly, as though struggling to recognize them after the past week she'd endured. The mess of her uniform was nothing compared to the ragged light in her eyes and the dark circles etched beneath them. More than ever her pale skin stood out against her dark hair and she seemed almost ghostly to Bucky, a mere specter of the woman he met over a year before.
"You're both okay," she sounded hollow, straightening up and leaving behind the body. Bucky found he couldn't look at her bloody hands while she wiped them off with one of the last clean rags in the room.
"In a manner of speaking," said Steve as he moved into the room to show off the bandage on his shoulder. "Got it a couple days ago and Morita treated it. Mind taking a look?"
Sadie pursed her lips together but then she tipped her head in an invitation to draw deeper into the room. "Come on, there's another small prayer room through this door. I doubt you want half the nurses here waltzing by to ogle at you."
Steve deflated in relief and he gladly followed Sadie. "I'm glad to see you're alright," he said conversationally as she grabbed a bunch of medical supplies and ordered her technician to fetch clean water. "How has the last week been?"
"Long," she answered and there was a numbness to her voice that Bucky wasn't prepared for. "But I'm glad you're both in one piece."
Sadie's eyes found Bucky once more and he could see within the depths that she was happy to see him. A large part of him ached to move into her and fold her against him, to let her know that everything was going to be okay even in spite of his doubts. Steve wouldn't mind; he'd probably even encourage the moment of intimacy after admitting he'd been privy to much of their fight. But Bucky found he couldn't. Seeing Sadie so numb and defeated only worsened the guilt that burned its way through his insides. He'd only seen Sadie this way once before; the morning after Betty died she'd been just as detached and demoralized. Bucky longed for her witty comebacks while she waited until Steve's back was turned so she could rise up to her toes and kiss him. Where was the spitfire smile and the jokes she made to alleviate the worst of the tension? Where had his Sadie gone?
"What happened?" She asked as she helped Steve out of his leather shield holster and then began to strip off the top of his uniform so she could assess the deep graze in his shoulder.
"Well, I was bound to get hit sometime," said Steve as though being shot was just another day at the office. "I'm just glad it wasn't worse."
The ghost of a smile touched Sadie's lips. "Captain Rogers, I think you're the first man I've met who actually doesn't seem to mind being shot."
"Better me than some other guy."
The technician returned with water and Sadie washed her hands before starting on addressing the graze. "It's too shallow for stitches," she said as she examined the already-healing wound. "Morita did an excellent job. And since you tend to heal faster than normal I'm not too worried. For now I'll clean it out again and bandage you up and check up on you for the next few days to make sure you don't get an infection."
"Good, I'm not a big fan of needles," Steve admitted and a real smile came to Sadie now.
"That makes two of us." She set to work preparing her materials, acting as though she hadn't just come from comforting a man through his dying breaths. Sadie's ability to phase between patients blew Bucky's mind. If he'd had to talk a total stranger through his death Bucky was certain he wouldn't be standing. But there she was, upright and stronger than Bucky could ever hope to be.
She worked quickly and efficiently and within minutes Steve was ready to go. Carefully she helped him back into his shirt, holding the bandage in place. "Come on, I'll walk you out," she said after she cleaned up her supplies.
"We're actually here to get you and the others," said Bucky, finally finding his voice. "We're going back to Paris for the night before catching a plane back to London."
"When we do we head out?"
"Couple of hours, probably," said Steve. "Peggy has to debrief at Battalion HQ and who knows how long that's going to take."
"I'll stay until we're ready to leave and a replacement comes for me," she started to argue but Bucky shook his head.
"Orders are orders, Sade. When was the last time you ate or slept?" Sadie's refusal to answer was answer enough. While Steve fussed with his shield holster, Bucky drew closer to her, placing both of his hands on her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs reassuringly over her shirt. "You're dead on your feet and I will carry you out of here if I have to."
The prospect of total humiliation was enough and she nodded. "Okay, buck sergeant. You win."
Bucky leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead; he was relieved to hear his nickname. It was a sign, no matter how small, that things weren't completely ruined between them. "Good deal, let's go and get your gear. Where are Doc Holmes and Evelyn?"
"Off shift. They were both in surgery all night. My gear is with them." She removed her apron and folded it up. "Let me check in with the head nurse on duty so she knows I've got new orders."
Ten minutes later, Bucky walked into the morning sunshine with Steve, Sadie walking between them. Every step she took seemed to weigh her small body down but when Steve was so bold as to ask how many days in a row she'd worked, she shut him down.
Bucky was on the verge of sliding his arm around her when a loud commotion stopped him. A young woman screamed hysterically as she thrashed against the iron grips of two men who dragged her out of a building across the street. Behind them a quartet followed, including two middle aged women, their faces all twisted in the same expression of disgust. The woman writhed against her captors, rolling over to try and break free. Locks of thick hair, the exact same shade as Sadie's, spilled down her shoulders in shining curls that she tried to clutch to hide away from her assailants. The two men forced her to her knees and the group surrounded her, brandishing scissors and razors. A chant rose up from the group, a hash word that turned Sadie's stomach.
"Putain," they shouted and Sadie stopped to watch in disgust when one of the men grabbed a fistful of the girl's hair and cut it off, brandishing the locks above his head as a symbol of triumph.
"What are they saying?" Steve asked.
"They're calling her a whore," she replied, her voice tight with anger.
The young woman's wails drowned out as the miniature mob descended on her. Bucky's hackles rose and he didn't need to look at Steve to know he responded the same way. Unsticking his throat, Bucky asked the same question as Steve at the same time. "Why?"
"According to them, she must have slept with at least one Nazi," murmured Sadie, sounding profoundly grim and bitter. "Whether they have actual proof of that is another matter entirely."
Through a gap in the crowd Bucky watched the tears rolling down the girl's face. Spots of blood dotted the bare portions of her scalp where a man was taking a razor blade to it. His stomach and intestines clenched in disgust and anger on this poor woman's behalf. Another chunk of her hair fell to the street. At once he started to go forward and put an end to this and he wasn't alone. Steve's face twisted with anger and he went to follow but an iron-like grip came down on his wrist and Steve's. To Bucky's incredulities, he looked down to see Sadie holding them both back.
"Don't." Her single command more than her physical restraint stunned both men into stillness.
"But they're—Sadie," Steve admonished her in a way that Bucky would never dare. "Whatever she's done that girl doesn't deserve this!"
Sadie's grey eyes hardened into steel so sharp Bucky couldn't even make eye contact with her. Her jaw clenched and her lips drew into a straight, disapproving line. The glare she gave Steve could have killed a lesser man, Bucky was convinced. In a harsh motion she released Steve's wrist and Bucky's, almost throwing them both away. "Do you honestly think that I don't know that? You have no idea how much I want to stop this but if you intervene now those people are liable to take a shot or two at you."
"I'm not afraid of them, Bucky and I could take them all without breaking a sweat!"
"And what about the girl?" She hissed, moving to put herself between Steve and the mob. "You step in now and not only are they going to think you're a Nazi sympathizer and attack you they'll most definitely beat her as punishment and chances are they'll come after me just for being associated with the two of you!"
Bucky stood down at once but Steve wasn't ready to go down without a fight. "Sadie I can't let this go on," he started to argue and she held up a hand to cut him off.
"You haven't been around for the aftermath in these small towns, Steve. I've seen what they do to the people who try to stop them and to the women they're trying to protect." Sadie's voice shook along with the rest of her. "They'll beat her and leave her in the street. I know you have good intentions, believe me I hate this more than you do but if you step in now you're going to make things worse for all of us."
Something akin to shame burned through Sadie and right into Bucky. The light he was accustomed to seeing burn bright in her was nothing more than a bare flicker, dying out beneath the evening sunset. Behind her the carnage continued and she shut her eyes, flinching when a particularly sharp cry pierced the air. In that moment she broke and fresh tears welled up in the corners of her eyes but she blinked them away and Bucky wished she wouldn't. He wanted the fire and fervor of her personality, of Sadie's relentless pursuit to help save anyone she could whether it be her closest friends or a strange woman accused of sleeping with the enemy. Seeing her succumb to defeat threatened to break him too. From day one Sadie had always been the strong one in their relationship, always the unshakeable force that could weather any storm. Silently, he reached down and filled one of her hands with his and she squeezed it so hard he felt the bone and tendons rub together painfully.
"I'm sorry, Sade. I had no idea."
Sadie opened her eyes at Steve's apology. An emptiness shone in the stormy depths, unsettling Bucky. The woman's cries stopped and Sadie turned in time to see the leader of the mob ruthlessly push her to the ground, spitting on her before he called the rest off, leaving her in a crumpled heap on the street. She clutched at her hair and sobbed into the once beautiful locks.
"Is this what victory looks like?" Sadie asked, expecting no answer in particular. The young woman's gaze found the three of them and the world stilled for a moment. Bucky couldn't fathom this reality, one where the people he'd fought for days to liberate would stoop to the same lows as their occupiers. "If it is, then I honestly have no clue what the hell we're fighting for."
She set her bags on the ground and began digging through them, pulling out several K-rations, a medical kit, and her raincoat. Raising her gaze she gestured for the woman to come to her. Slowly the girl stood, her legs trembling. The shoulder of her dress was torn open, reminding Bucky of Sadie's torn dress the night he'd saved her in the alley. Her steps were tentative until Sadie called out to her in French, words Bucky didn't understand but they must have worked because the girl crossed the street and collapsed into Sadie's waiting arms. Both women sank to the ground and Sadie cradled the girl's head into the crook of her neck and rocked her gently as she dissolved into hysterics.
Bucky crouched down next to them and hesitantly reached out, touching the girl's shoulder. She flinched but then reached up to clutch his hand. Sadie folded the young woman into her protective embrace and when Bucky looked at her face he could see her staring blankly ahead, tears rolling down her cheeks.
He thought about what she said. If this was the product of victory, Bucky wasn't so sure he wanted to be fighting for it either.
X X X
The morning that the SSR planned to move out of Paris, Bucky woke with a splitting headache. Cold breakfast and terrible coffee did nothing to improve his mood as he got his things together with Steve grumbling under his breath while he brushed his teeth. On a normal day, Bucky could be ready to go in no time flat and that time was reduced to almost nothing in the field. Like most military personnel, Bucky slept in his uniform even in safe zones like Paris. He knew from painful past experience that anything could happen in the blink of an eye.
Steve returned from the small bathroom down the hall, wiping his mouth off and scowling at the bright sun that spilled through the open windows. The house the SSR temporarily claimed formerly belonged under Nazi control. The members of the Commandos took delight in tearing down the Nazi flags and throwing them out to the crowds who added them to piles being burned in the streets. Some of the guys kept small souvenirs - expensive trinkets left behind by the Germans - but Bucky didn't. There was nothing from his experience in Paris he wanted to remember.
"How the hell are we gonna get out of all of this?" Steve wondered, peering down below.
Through the day and into the night the crowds dispersed to make way for the 4th Infantry Division to roll through, ready to move out of the city and begin pushing the German line further back. Instead of singing and chants about the newly liberated city, Bucky heard the rumble of engines and the thunderous din of the crowds of GIs that lined the streets, desperate for places to sleep and better food to eat. The streets were clogged in every direction Bucky looked. He didn't relish the prospect of wading through the crowds.
Bucky didn't answer Steve but that didn't seem to bother him much. Instead he shoved the map and compass he'd been pouring over the night before back into his pack. While Bucky laced up his combat boots, Steve cracked open a K-ration and fiddled with the tiny can opener. "You know what I miss?"
"Your own bed? Real food? Coffee that doesn't taste like pisswater?" Bucky mused, not paying much attention to Steve.
"I was gonna say going down to the corner deli on Saturday mornings but yeah, all that too." Bucky's stomach growled at the thought of the corner deli that stood a block away from Steve's old place in Brooklyn. The pang in his stomach, however, had nothing to do with the deli and everything to do with home. Steve didn't have a problem talking about New York the same way that Bucky did. His stony silence continued to permeate the room while he tried to banish thoughts of home from his mind. "Hey, are you okay?"
Bucky snorted in humorless laughter. If 'fine' were the sun then he was certainly Pluto, as far away as possible and just as cold. "I'm peachy," he responded, cluing Steve in on the depths of just how not fine he was.
A knock on the open door caught their attention. Sadie stood there with Evelyn at her side, both women dressed and ready to go. "We're moving out," said Sadie, eyeing the clutter in Steve's open pack. "The troop trucks are waiting for us in the square about five blocks away."
"We'll be right there," promised Steve.
Sadie nodded once. Her steely eyes slid over to him and she gave him the ghost of a smile before she left with Evelyn in tow. Bucky's insides squirmed uncomfortably. For one glorious minute, Bucky thought Steve was going to let it go. But then he heard a low whistle pierce the air behind him and he knew that was a foolish pipe dream. "That must have been some fight you had with Sadie."
Bucky's hackles rose. "Who said anything about a fight?"
"You're kidding, right?" Steve asked as they left the room. "You've been in a bad mood since that night Sadie and I tossed Zola's place." Bucky's eyes narrowed suspiciously but he chose not to prod Steve too hard as they reached the staircase. "Plus, I'm pretty sure half the city could hear you two going at it at certain points."
Bucky grimaced at Steve's extraordinary poor choice or words. "Find a better way to phrase it next time, will you? Or, even better, how about we drop the subject altogether?"
To Steve's credit, he kept a remarkably straight face and held it when they joined the rest of the Commandos in the lobby of the building. Sadie and Evelyn stood deep in conversation before leading the way out of the building. They walked a little ways apart from the group, weaving expertly through the tanks, jeeps, motorcycles, and troop carriers that lined the roads and congested traffic trying to push through the crowded city center. Everywhere Bucky turned he saw nothing but a moving, writhing tangle of olive drab uniforms. Each uniform belonged to a GI and Bucky watched more than one head snap in their direction.
Without helmets and dressed in SSR uniforms, there was no mistaking Evelyn and Sadie for women and just about every soldier noticed. The clatter and din of the crowd intensified Bucky's headache, periodically pierced by a sharp wolf-whistle or a come-on that turned his stomach. Bucky noticed that Evelyn and Sadie were much better at shaking off the crude behavior of the GIs that permeated Europe wherever they went. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Steve's frown deepen while Dum Dum and Gabe moved to walk closer to the two women.
The men of the Howling Commandos walked a fine line with the women they served with. The high wire act involved balancing two interests: protecting Sadie and Evelyn but also respecting that they often didn't need protection. Sadie in particular hated being handled and she had a death stare to back up her temper. Most of the time the mere presence of Captain America and his troops was enough to deter even the worst soldier. This time, however, there were simply too many people in the crowd and not enough space to move. Both Sadie and Evelyn pushed on, keeping their gazes firmly ahead though they were extremely exposed. The medical bands on their arms only made things worse, and one soldier yelled "I'll play doctor for you, sweetheart!" while another shouted "What's a guy gotta do to get a little mouth-to-mouth?" With her bright red hair, Evelyn was a natural target for a bevy of truly lewd and unimaginative lines. Bucky's anger burned white hot when another soldier hollered from atop a tank "Hey red! Does the carpet match the drapes?"
"Someone ought to write their wives and girlfriends," growled Steve, picking up his speed to match Bucky's, determined to catch up to the women.
Bucky rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, that'll show 'em. Why don't you drag a couple into a back alley for a quick beat down? You'll actually win this time."
Steve glared at Bucky. "You know any time you wanna take your head out of your ass that'd be great."
A choice comeback sprang to Bucky's lips but he forced it down. Instead he hitched his rifle further behind his back and trudged on, keeping an eagle eye on Sadie. She might not like it but he'd be the first in line to deck any guy who came too close to her. He didn't care if they were on the rocks or not.
The crowds started to thin as they neared the small square where their transport waited for them. He and Steve continued to press on when a young private broke away from his group of three friends, calling out. "Excuse me!" He jogged over to Evelyn and Sadie. "I'm sorry, excuse me!"
With no choice but to stop when the private careened to a halt in front of them, Sadie crossed her arms over her chest. Evelyn tipped her chin up to look at the taller man. "How can we help you, private?"
The private's eyes flickered to each woman's face, sliding right over their identifying rank before settling on shorter, less-intimidating Evelyn. "I just wanted to ask you a quick question, doll," he said and stepped in closer to Evelyn who couldn't shift back fast enough. "Did you grow up on a farm? Because you sure know how to raise a good cock."
Evelyn shouted when the private gabbed a handful of her backside. An uproar swelled up from the Commandos but before Steve and Bucky could get there, Sadie's hand shot out like a bullet. The private yelled in surprised when she closed her hand over his wrist and wrenched it back. As one Dum Dum and Gabe backed up, knowing better than to get in Sadie's way.
"Hey lady, let go of me!" He cried out and she clamped down tighter. "It was just a joke!"
"That's First Lieutenant to you, Private," she hissed. "And you owe Second Lieutenant Lewis an apology for acting like a goddamn heathen."
Someone could have knocked Bucky over with a feather. He'd never heard her curse that way before and clearly the young kid hadn't been expecting it either. When he tried to twist his arm free she tightened her vice grip further and Bucky winced on his behalf. Steve interjected before things got out of hand.
"First Lieutenant Reid," he said in a low voice. Sadie wasn't looking at him, the full force and fury of her gaze resting on the private who, in everyone else's estimation, was getting exactly what he deserved. Dum Dum and Gabe both laughed at his misfortune while Falsworth, Dernier, and Morita couldn't contain their approving grins. Evelyn herself stood next to Doctor Holmes, looking mortified but vindicated. "Maybe you should ease off."
"Why? So he can skate off without consequences?" She growled. "So he never learns his lesson? That woman you just manhandled is the same woman who'll be pulling shrapnel out of your sorry ass after you get into your first real firefight. She's the same woman who runs into the bombs to save your life. She's a human being deserving of your respect and courtesy."
"I get it! I get it!"
"I really think you don't," she snapped, but relinquished his wrist with a disgusted look. He started to scuttle off when a booming voice interrupted the fray.
"Private Daniels! What in the hell are you doing?"
Bucky started when Sadie's head snapped up in recognition. Her lips parted in surprise when her eyes fell on a man marching up to their group. In an instant her lips pulled into the first genuine smile he'd seen from her in weeks at the sight of an exceedingly handsome man coming to block Private Daniels from escaping. His brown eyes fell on Sadie and he recognized her immediately too. Just like Sadie his face broke into a broad grin and then he started to laugh, chuffing Daniels on the back.
"Good lord, Daniels, you ought to thank your lucky stars someone's here to save you." The private gaped at the man who never took his eyes off Sadie. She crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Davis Ingram," she drawled, her southern lilt thicker than Bucky had ever heard. "Well I'll be damned."
Davis Ingram smacked Private Daniels upside the head. "Daniels, the next time you decide to act like a dumbass make sure you don't do it in front of First Lieutenant Reid. She's liable to take your legs off and send you crying to your mama without breaking a sweat." Private Daniels turned a furious shade of fuchsia. "Now then, I believe you owe this woman an apology for behaving like a goddamned disgrace."
Private Daniels managed to squeak out an apology before he scurried away to his howling friends. Davis shook his head in disappointment. "I ought to apologize," he said directly to Evelyn whose eyes darted rapidly between Sadie and the newcomer. "You can drill orders into those boys but manners are a different story. I should have led Sadie finish the job."
"It's—okay?" Evelyn said but she was promptly forgotten when Davis rounded back to Sadie.
"I should have known I'd run into you here of all places!" Without any pretense or warning he swept Sadie into a bear hug, which she happily returned. The bottom of Bucky's stomach dropped out.
"I know! I can't believe it!" She cried out, practically beaming when he let go of her. She slapped a hand over her forehead still in a state of surprise. "I—where are my manners!" She checked the gold bars on his uniform. "Everyone this is Second Lieutenant Davis Ingram. Davis and I grew up in Little Rock together. His wife, Vera-Lynn, was one of my closest friends growing up."
Evelyn visibly slackened in relief and so did Bucky upon hearing the word 'wife.' Davis was a bear of a human being, built out of old southern stock if his thick accent was anything to judge. He looked exactly like an all-American quarterback and Bucky wasn't surprised when he shook hands with the man to find a firm, self-confident grip. Davis was Bucky's worse nightmare in the flesh, the kind of man that Sadie should have ended up with, staring him right in the face. Seeing her elated reaction to running into an old friend only made his jealousy, however unfounded, that much worse.
Davis was appropriately awed at Sadie's new company though he seemed far more interested in catching up with his old friend than fawning over Captain America. Sadie smiled at Bucky as if to tell him not to worry before she gamely let Davis walk with her to the troop trucks, deep in conversation the entire time. As they left he could hear her ask about his wife and how his mother and mother-in-law were doing.
"You shouldn't worry," said Evelyn at his elbow. She stuck close to his side and Bucky suspected that had a lot to do with her recent trauma. Up close he could see she was still pale and shaking. "Sadie was a bridesmaid in their wedding."
"I'm not worried," he replied. That was true; he wasn't worried about Davis Ingram in the slightest. What worried him wasn't the man, but the idea the man represented. Bucky took note of Davis' ramrod straight posture, the way he walked and how Sadie unconsciously mirrored his actions and walked on his arm as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Was that where Sadie truly belonged, despite her protests to the contrary? Bucky shuddered at the thought.
"Whatever's going on between the two of you will blow over," said Evelyn as though she could see into the future.
"Yeah, I hope you're right," he muttered.
Bucky, Evelyn, and Steve came upon Sadie mid-laughter while Davis shook his head, still grinning. "You try telling Vera-Lynn we don't need to change the wallpaper in the dining room for the third time in a year and see if she doesn't give you the lecture of a lifetime! I swear I thought she was going to set my hair on fire she was so mad."
Sadie wiped the tears of mirth from beneath her eyes. "Oh, I miss her," she lamented.
Davis squeezed her upper arm. "When we get back we'll all sit down to a real dinner and catch up on all that lost time. She misses you too, I know. She'll be over the moon to hear I saw you safe and sound."
"Give her my best," she made Davis promise.
"I will and I should probably get back to my guys. Leave 'em alone too long and they tend to get stupid." Sadie smiled and rose up, kissing his cheek.
Davis bade them all farewell, shaking Bucky's hand firmly. "I know she doesn't need it, but y'all take care of her, will you? She means an awful lot to a lot of people back home."
Bucky felt, if possible, even worse.
Steve helped Evelyn up into the troop truck when a gentle hand touched Bucky's arm. "You alright?"
Bucky caught Sadie's worried gaze. "I'm fine."
She didn't believe him any more than he believed himself, but if she wanted to respond she couldn't; Peggy joined them. "I just wanted the three of you to know that we finished translating the medical files that Steve and Peggy found." She spoke as if she were merely talking about the weather. "I thought you should know that listed in the charts was the information about where he was conducting tests, including two bases in Belgium we didn't already know about."
"Good," said Steve and Sadie nodded in agreement. Her eyes caught Bucky's and she was still looking at him when she spoke.
"At least it wasn't all for nothing."
Bucky felt the sharpness of her words that nobody else could see and they stabbed right into the heart of him. She pulled herself into the troop truck and he followed. He was relieved when the trucks rumbled to life.
Bucky had had his fill of the City of Lights and he hoped to never come back.
A/N: I feel like maybe I should hide. In all fairness, I never promised an easy road for our lovebirds.
Next chapter picks up a little bit after the departure from Paris and I'm planning something and I'm quite excited for it. In fact, I'm pretty excited for the next three chapters and you should be too!
I will say these last few chapters have been rough on me and I would love to read/hear your thoughts! Questions, comments, things you'd like to throw at me for being evil, grievances, and love…leave any and all of it! Much love – Kappa.