Lexa deals with Clarke and her visitors. Lexa vs Niylah. Clarke and Lexa finally talk.
It is certainly a slap on the face for Lexa; seeing Clarke guide Niylah to the entrance of the tower while she holds the little girl in one arm; so confident, so proud. She feels a familiar burning in her chest; of jealousy, of rage. A sudden urge to stomp towards Clarke overtakes her; to demand an explanation, to say something but after quick consideration she decides against it. 'You can't talk to her in this state Lexa, it's not right.' She concludes, with hands balled into fists at her sides. Lexa observes the scene for a few more seconds until she forces herself out of the stupor; immediately moving away taking advantage of the fact that Clarke didn't notice her presence. 'OK you need to calm down.' Lexa leans against the wall and takes long deep breaths. 'It's not what you are thinking, Clarke would never do that to you, you must trust her.' She crouches down willing the bad thoughts to go away.
…
Clarke exchanges brief salutations with Indra and speedily walks with them to the dining hall wanting Nina to have breakfast as soon as possible.
She was so preoccupied in tending to Nina and Niylah for the rest of the meal that it came as a big surprise when minutes later Lexa suddenly appears.
"Clarke," Lexa greets taking a firm stand from across the table. "Ma'am," she addresses Niylah respectfully.
With the momentary shock out of the way Clarke's expression hardens. "Lexa," her voice is dry and serious; but a well-aimed kick in the shin forces her to drop the attitude, "hey-hi" she replies more relaxed, sending a sidelong glance in Niylah's direction.
"Hello Lexa, it's really an honor to meet you." Niylah's words are accompanied by a smile and a look of admiration.
Lexa squints with suspicion at the woman's words, but when she is able to read the honesty in them, she simply nods and accepts the compliment.
The brief moment of silent tension that followed the exchange is fortunately interrupted by a servant. "Wanheda," the girl starts, "do you want the cake to be served now?"
"CAKE!" Nina jumps from Clarke's lap and runs toward the kitchen in the dining hall.
"Nina!" Niylah attempts to catch the little girl but it is too late; she can only watch helplessly as her daughter disappears behind the kitchen doors.
"You can serve the cake now," Clarke requests while smirking at the servant.
The girl giggles and shakes her head. "I'll bring her too, don't worry" she assures both women, heading to the kitchen to do as she was told.
"Ugh" Niylah grunts exasperated "I swear it's the damn skyblood."
Clarke chuckles; always finding it funny when Niylah complains about the other half of Nina's DNA. Her mirth is abruptly cut off though when she takes in Lexa's face of intrigue and mild concern. "What?" She questions with a brow lifted, "She's not mine, I swear" Clarke adds with sarcasm.
Niylah snorts and puts a hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter.
Lexa sends a death glare at Clarke not liking one bit to be mocked around, but as her girlfriend remains impassive and slightly amused, she moves on with the topic that brought her there in the first place. "Clarke uh…" She eyes Niylah briefly before continuing. "I'm aware you are busy at the moment and I don't wanna take up too much of your time, I just wanted to know when you would be available." Lexa pauses, her eyes showing more than her words could, "I really want to talk to you."
There's no need of another kick under the table for Clarke to soften her guarded stance. "Oh um…" she gulps losing herself in tender green eyes, "I-I want to talk to you too."
Both stare at each other silently.
Niylah switches glances from Clarke to Lexa not sure if to smile or roll her eyes at the display.
Clarke is the one to break the spell first "so uh… I think tonight we could talk… or something."
"OK, OK" Lexa nods rapidly containing a sly smile. "Then I'll see you tonight. Ma'am," taking it as a small victory she marches out but not before paying her respects to both women.
As Clarke keeps her eyes glued to the retreating figure of her young girlfriend, Niylah takes the opportunity to make a comment. "I see someone is trying."
A deep long sigh is the only answer Clarke gives.
"I guess it is your turn now," Niylah offers with a pointed look.
There's no time to expand on the topic for the time being as the servant comes out with dessert in one hand and a very eager kid in the other.
However, Clarke keeps the words of her friend very present in her mind for the duration of their meal.
…
Lexa is forced to visit the clinic yet again as she got a bit carried away during her private training session. What she wasn't expecting though is to find Niylah at the entrance.
Niylah absentmindedly looks up, coming face to face with Lexa. "Oh hello again," she greets awkwardly.
"Hi," is Lexa's short reply. She automatically assumes a defensive position, staring at the woman intently, studying her.
Not sure how to take Lexa's scrutiny Niylah attempts to explain in order to ease the tension. "Nina gets fussy when I'm with her; she behaves better when she's with… Clarke," she falters at the mention of the name under Lexa's intense gaze. When Lexa doesn't respond after a few seconds Niylah blurts out, "you're not gonna challenge me are you?" She chuckles nervously, "because I'm actually out of practice using the sword; I never was good at combat anyway and besides Clarke is about to rule challenges as illegal… thought you should know that," she ends half-joking, half serious.
"Were you and Clarke in a relationship?" Lexa asks all of a sudden giving the conversation a whole new level of enmity. She is not sure what has gotten into her to ask this but she is not willing to miss the opportunity; she really needs to know… from the source itself.
Niylah is certainly a bit concerned about Lexa's reaction but she is in no way going to allow anyone to intrude in her personal affairs. "Shouldn't you be asking your girlfriend?" She tries to sound polite but firm.
"Yes." Lexa concedes and counteracts, "but there's always two sides of a story."
The argument is valid; Niylah has to admit. "Alright then." That is what prompts her to give an honest reply. "No, me and Clarke have never been in a relationship. It was always just sex; comfort sex so to speak. I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about."
Lexa's jaw twists like it always does when she is containing her anger, but she doesn't let it get in the way of her pursuit of information. "I see Clarke has shared more than her body with you." She manages to make it sound as an accusation.
"Yeah well, we are also friends." Niylah says with tranquility. "Whenever she's troubled I listen, and she listens to me too; we rely on each other."
'Friends,' the word comes easily from the woman's lips but Lexa hears something else behind its meaning; and she can't help voicing her discovery. "You're in love with her," it is an asseveration not a question.
Niylah barely conceals a flinch at the affirmation, having been completely caught off guard. Truth be told she never actually pondered about it too much, always avoiding complicating the already ambiguous relationship she maintained with Clarke; but now that it is out in the open she doesn't see the need to refrain from talking about it. "Would it be too unheard of, if I was?" It's the straight forward response.
Lexa scowls and gulps at the admission.
Of course it is not unheard of. Clarke is a beautiful strong woman who is very smart and interesting; actually those are the features that made Lexa fall in love with her in the first place, but that is not her concern right now. What is getting her anxious is the possibility of Clarke having feelings for this woman, "a friend" who she is very close to, one she has shared her darkest thoughts with, her fears and probably her most intimate dreams. This definitely must have united them; created a deep connection she and Clarke are just starting to reach. 'What if I can't fix my mistake? What if I can't provide Clarke with what her heart needs? What if she gets tired of me and goes once again for comfort with Niylah?' All of Lexa's worst fears flash in front of her eyes, but before she can be completely immersed by them Niylah's voice brings her back to reality.
"My feelings for Clarke are not really of any importance here Lexa, what matters is what she feels for you; and she loves you." Niylah states. "What does it matter if she offered me or other girls her body when you've had a hold of her heart and soul for all these years?" Then she rephrases what she said to Clarke a couple of days ago, "If I were you I wouldn't be wasting my time on things that are not there, but enjoying the spirit's offering. I'm not an authority on spirituality but I'm pretty certain things as special as this, don't happen twice."
Even if she hates to admit it Lexa knows everything Niylah said makes sense. How could she dare doubt her destiny? How could she possibly question the opportunity the spirits gave her to rebuild her life along with Clarke? She feels ashamed of herself for even thinking they would bring her back only to take her love away from her. Lexa sets her laments aside and clears her throat to direct some words to the woman in front of her. "I appreciate your forthrightness. I can surely see why Clarke has put her trust in you." Having said that she extents her arm to Niylah, "I wish you good luck in your endeavors and good health to your child."
Surprised but not numb by the gesture Niylah takes the arm offered in a solid arm shake, giving a sly smile of recognition.
Pulling away, Lexa nods respectfully and walks inside the clinic.
…
Lexa, feeling better with herself after clearing her doubts with Niylah, goes in search of the healer who has been following her recovery. She is looking around in the hallways for this person when a familiar tune in an even more familiar voice catches her attention. Lexa pokes her head into the room where the source of the sound is coming from and stops dead in her tracks at the view in front of her.
Clarke sitting on a chair, with Nina on her lap; engrossed in a solemn singing session.
…Oso kik raun;
Ogeda, soulou
Ai laik yu gona;
Ai na get raun, you
Yumi na teik;
Won sonraun au?
Ai keryon gyon op;
Ai keryon g' breik au
Instinctively, Clarke lifts her gaze, her eyes locking inevitably with Lexa's.
Both stare at each other as Clarke and Nina continue with the chanting. Memories of what transpired sixteen years ago while listening to that same song starts flowing through their minds.
How Clarke bowed to Lexa in a promise of unity and submission at the summit in front of the representatives of the twelve clans; and later how privately Lexa bowed to Clarke in a promise of fealty, of never ever betraying her again; an unspoken commitment of love.
Lexa's throat constricts at the recollection; the promise fresh in her brain. She vows to herself to never forget it again, not even for one second.
Almost like if they were interconnected, Clarke also feels emotional remembering the same scene; wondering how it is that she got so lucky to have a second chance to finalize what was left incomplete.
The song ends; and Nina bounces excitedly on Clarke's legs, happy with their accomplishment.
It is then that Lexa actually focuses on the child on Clarke's lap; so small and cute. She seems to like Clarke very much and Clarke looks very comfortable with her. Without even meaning to an image irrupts in her head; one in which Clarke is not holding Nina but another child.
Clarke's brows furrow watching Lexa deep in thought, realizing Lexa's attention is on Nina. She looks down at the kid then back at Lexa and it suddenly clicks. Clarke's face flushes profusely very aware of what Lexa has in mind.
Lexa shakes her head getting out of her daze and takes in Clarke's flustered demeanor. There's no need for words; she knows she has been caught. She can feel the heat on her face, as she makes eye contact with Clarke; both having the same fantasy on their minds.
But before they can go deeper into their imagination-and the intimacy it brings- one of the doctors at the clinic makes his appearance.
"Sorry for the wait commander; here are the results" he announces showing Clarke the medical tab in his hand.
The moment is broken and Clarke's focus is once again back on Nina's health while Lexa straightens her posture and decides to continue on her way; not before sending a longing look in Clarke's direction which is returned with the same sentiment.
…
"You don't have to go today you know? You can stay for a couple days more, enjoy the city." Clarke tries to persuade Niylah to prolong her stay in the city.
Niylah chuckles having finished changing an already sleepy and tired Nina. She indeed had a good time there in Clarke's company. Once she made sure everything was OK with her little girl, she and Clarke spent the afternoon together talking a little more about Clarke's romantic life, her plans for the future and her commander duties. Also Nina had a blast running around the streets of Polis seeing the crowded city for a change. But as fun as everything was Niylah had already set her mind in going back to her home that same night after dinner; either way she finds it cute how Clarke is attempting to make her stay. "I know I don't, but I think it is for the best." Niylah turns to Clarke and adds arching a brow "you have to meet your girlfriend later today; you don't want her thinking the wrong way again huh?"
"No…" Clarke rolls her eyes in fake annoyance. "But that has nothing to do with your visit, you are my guest; you and Nina can be checking out what else is new in Polis" she finalizes with a pleading face.
At the sort of desperation she could sense in Clarke's voice, Niylah sighs and approaches Clarke; placing her hands on Clarke's shoulders. "Don't worry Clarke everything is gonna be alright; you and Lexa are gonna be alright."
Clarke huffs and looks down, knowing she could never fool her friend.
"Stop making this harder for the both of you, just go and talk to her and let destiny take its course."
"Alright." With that Clarke moves closer and embraces Niylah in a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispers in the other blonde's ear.
"Anytime." Niylah hugs back just as tightly.
Seconds later after they pull apart, Niylah walks over to the bed to pick up Nina as Clarke watches the scene, biting her lip while deep in thought until something rushes out of her mouth without thinking, "I'm sorry."
Niylah stops mid process and gives a long deep sigh; she knows exactly what Clarke is talking about. With a last breath of courage she walks once again over to Clarke's side. She stands right in front of Clarke who is now sporting a guilty expression.
"I'm sorry." Clarke whispers this time with soft eyes.
"Clarke," Niylah begins, doing her best not to show too much emotion. "I always told you I was going to take what you offered me; I never expected more than that."
"But I…"
"Shhh" Niylah shushes, caressing Clarke's hair. "You don't owe me anything. I'm a big girl Clarke I always knew what this was all about; besides the spirits had you reserved for someone else," she shrugs allowing a tiny bit of her disappointment to show "and I can accept that."
Clarke's lips begin to tremble, angry and sad at herself that she couldn't reciprocate the love she knew this woman held for her all these years, the love she definitely deserved. She wants to say something but she can't find the right words to express what she is feeling right now.
But Niylah understands. She offers a sad smile that is supposed to work as reassurance as she says in a low voice, "don't worry about me; I'll be OK. Me and Nina are going to be OK, as always. You've worried about everyone else for so long Clarke, now it's time for you to worry about yourself." With that, she leans in and gives Clarke a lingering kiss on her cheek; one both know is meant to be the end of their journey together; a final goodbye.
…
At Niylah's request Clarke begrudgingly agreed not to bid her farewell at the gates of the tower in favor of waiting for Lexa in her room. She stands by the window, staring out at the rapidly growing city, lost in her thoughts, reflecting on what happened the past few days and the advice she got from her friend. She was still contemplating when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," Clarke invites; already knowing who the visitor is.
Lexa enters the room, closes the door behind her and takes a few steps forward. She stops in the middle of the room, her hands crossed in front of her, waiting for Clarke to speak first.
When Clarke finally faces Lexa, she is blown away for a second, the situation – and even positions- looking very familiar to her. It wasn't one of their best moments; she was in a terrible place, her heart broken by Lexa's betrayal. The memory threatens to fill her with bitterness but she rapidly tries to block it out of her mind 'it helps no one to dwell on the past.' Clarke reminds herself of the same words Lexa told her on that occasion, words that really angered her at that moment but currently couldn't be more fitting. So she relaxes, forgetting everything that is not pertinent to the present and she begins to speak. "How have you been?"
Lexa lets out a long breath, relieved Clarke is showing a good disposition. "I've been better" she replies with a small shrug.
"I know what you mean," Clarke responds sincerely as she feels the tension dissipate.
Both fall silent as they consider what to say next.
The first to break the stillness is Lexa.
"I had a conversation with Niylah earlier," Lexa informs not wanting to hide anything from her girlfriend.
"I know, she told me." Clarke takes two steps forward, wanting to explain. "She's only a friend Lexa," she assures but also admits "she was there for me in difficult times; she will always have a special place in my heart."
"You don't owe me any explanations Clarke." Lexa tries to stop her from saying any more regarding the subject.
"Yes, yes I do" Clarke states. "I want us to start with a clean slate, to confess to each other what's on our minds, not to keep secrets." She gives a sigh of remorse before continuing, "this whole mess started because we kept things from each other; I should have been more open about my struggle and pain while you weren't here and how I dealt with it, just like you should have told me about your… best friend." Even though Clarke is more than ready to have a mature conversation and be clear about everything, she can't help showing the resentment she has at the mention of Orita.
It doesn't go unnoticed by Lexa, the way Clarke mentions the name of her friend and that gives her the necessary nerve to begin her own explanation. "I'm sorry Clarke; for what I did, for letting my desires cloud my judgment, for letting my jealousy to take over in the process." Lexa does her best not to look away in shame. "I should have known better, I should've had better self-control… I made a terrible mistake, I betrayed you… again," she shakes her head at her own stupidity, "and that will haunt me forever. I'm so sorry Clarke."
It was good for Clarke to hear the regret in Lexa's speech; nevertheless she has some regrets of her own. "I pushed you to do it Lexa."
"But I didn't have to go through with it Clarke!" Lexa refutes, "I let myself go… wasn't strong enough."
"I basically ordered you to do it, I abused my power," Clarke utters, abashed at her own behavior.
"Well…" Lexa looks down at the floor as she adds shyly, "we really have to set some boundaries in that area you know? I mean… sometimes I don't know when I'm your subject or your girlfriend."
It hits Clarke hard to hear it from Lexa because that is one of the things it has been mortifying her among many other issues. "I know, I'm sorry I just… I sometimes lose control too."
And there they are, two strong women; the previous and current most powerful women on the whole planet; baring themselves, admitting weaknesses and mistakes… admitting they are after all only human.
"And what do we do now?" Lexa ventures needing to hear from Clarke what options they have.
And Clarke has a suggestion. "I don't know, maybe we should start again? Try to communicate as much as we can… No more secrets?"
"Oh," Lexa actually likes the idea. "I guess that could work, yeah. There are a lot of things we still need to learn about each other."
It is an undeniable truth that fortunately they still have time to fix.
"Yeah we do. We'll do it in time," Clarke affirms feeling a lot better at the prospect of them being able to work it out.
They stare at each other, not sure what their next move should be. The longing is evident on their faces but neither of them dares to do anything.
Finally, Lexa advances toward Clarke, slowly, giving her time to stop Lexa if she wants to. Luckily the blonde never does, so she confidently continues until she is face to face with her woman. "So… I see you tomorrow?" The question is asked quietly, almost like a plea.
Clarke gulps at the proximity, her body inevitably reacting to Lexa's presence and scent that penetrates her nostrils with ease. "O-of course" she lamely replies, her eyes boring into the green orbs that seem to attract her like a magnet.
Lexa licks her lips, gazing at Clarke's, craving to taste them. Seeing no resistance she takes a chance and without more preamble she leans in.
Their lips make contact gently, in a soft peck; both sighing at the same time by the sweet connection.
Automatically, Clarke parts her lips a little, her need to feel more of Lexa is winning over her resolve.
The brunette kisses back, controlling the kiss not to make it too deep, content to go slowly, like they had tacitly agreed.
When they part they don't do it completely, just enough to feel the other's breath on their lips, forehead to forehead.
It takes them a bit more time, but finally they pull away.
Taking advantage that Clarke hasn't move from her spot just yet, Lexa voices what she had been considering the last few hours. "Once I swore fealty to you Clarke, and even though I failed you this time; I promise you now that I'll do everything in my power to make it up to you, to be a better woman. I know I'm gonna fall at times and make more mistakes but with your help I'm sure I can grow; we both can; for our love." She takes Clarke's hands in hears as she continues "I know we can make this work Clarke, thank you for giving me this chance." She leans once again for a short peck and expels the most truthful words from her heart. "I love you."
Clarke closes her eyes, the corner of her lip lifting out of pure instinct; her soul soaring at the new vow. Not everything is going the way she wanted, not as perfect as she imagined but at least they are here, they are alive and as long as they are breathing she knows they are going to fight to make it work; together, "I love you too. The reply is not only a sentiment but a silent promise to not give up and let destiny take them in the right direction. 'The spirits will guide us' Clarke solemnly repeats in her head because this time, after all they've done for her; after doing something as unthinkable as to bring her love back to life, she indeed believes in them.