A/N: I don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. These adventures are rated M for Daniel's magnificent penis.

Thank you to Rosmarina for her fantastic beta skills, Blackhale82 my britpicker, and Twisted Coincidence for pre-reading. Love you bbs!

Chapter 24 – The Big Reveal

Theme Song – Here Comes Your Man by The Pixies

I could tell by her slow, rhythmic breathing that Bella was falling asleep.

"I must get back, my sweet," I whispered as I nuzzled her neck.

"Mmmm… No Daniel. Don't leave me." She wiggled her bum into my crotch.

"I really need to get back and empty my bladder. Grammy's making me a special breakfast in the morning. Do you think you can you come over?"

"Can't. My shift starts at 7:00am."

I gave her my heart-melting frownie face. :(

Bella looked into my eyes and gave me a deep wet kiss. "I'll see you later on, alright?"

"Absolutely. I can't wait to send more time with you… alone. I mean, we don't just have to get naked every time," I clarified. "Although if that's what you want, I'm OK with that. At some point I need to meet your father properly and take you out again."

Bella gave me a big smile and nodded.

"Good bye, my darling girl."

"Good night, sweet prince!" she replied.

Just before getting out of bed, I kissed her hand. I thought it would be a romantic gesture. Nan would have been proud. She said that girls liked it when you kissed their hand. Plus, it seemed appropriate after Bella let me finger her vagina.

Although I made a relatively smooth exit out the window and onto the tree branch, I quickly realized I was stuck and had to call Emmett to help me get out of the tree safely. I wasn't about to attempt a jump. Surely, I would have broken a limb.

10 minutes later…

"Sorry bro! I didn't even think about how to get you back down." Emmett smiled knowingly at me the entire walk home and I kept smiling to myself thinking about Bella's privates.

Back at the McCarty residence, I desperately needed a shower and a wank. The deep penetrating heat of the water spray really loosened up my tight shoulder and arm muscles. Fortunately, they weren't too stiff from the climb; I could still vigorously pump my aching penis. After thoroughly soaping up my wet skin, I fondled my scrotum a bit. I then lathered up my hands and pubic hair and started working my shaft. I kept thinking about Bella's glistening vulva and how beautiful it would look as I sprayed my seed all over it.

Someday, Daniel. Someday soon...

Just as I was moaning and ejaculating on the wall the bathroom door opened.

"Daniel?" I froze. It was Grammy.

"Uh… yes?" I replied as I covered my quickly diminishing manhood even though I knew she couldn't see me through the shower curtain.

"I'm just going to use the potty. You carry on, dear."

"Uh…" I was speechless and unable to move. Lock the door next time Daniel!

Once Grammy finished her personal business I quickly rinsed off and went back to my room, annoyed.

Emmett was laying in bed. "Your grandmother just barged into the bathroom while I was showering. I was wet and naked!" I added for emphasis.

He carefully put down his Giant Juggs magazine and looked up thoughtfully. "Relax, bro. Old people pee a lot. Plus, Grammy grew up with a family of nine sharing one bathroom. The boys could just wiz off the front porch, but it was always a given that the girls could knock and pee while other people were in the bathroom. It's not like she could see you through the shower curtain."

"Heavens, mate! You're absolutely right." I was ashamed of my closed-minded attitude. "That was culturally insensitive of me. Please accept my apologies."

"No problem, bro!"

As Emmett grabbed his "reading" material, a book slipped out between the pages. I picked it up. Tess of the d'Urbervilles.

"Excellent book, mate! Heart breaking isn't it though?" I shook my head and looked off to the side thinking about Tess's trials and tribulations. "Just one heartbreak after another. And Hardy's prose. It really sets you in the moment." I handed him back his book.

Emmett nodded thoughtfully as he grabbed it, placed his magazine on the bedside table, and settled back into his book.

I gestured towards the discarded magazine. "Uh… Mind of I just glance through that?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't mean to hog the 'reading' material." Emmett gave me an upward bro-nod, indicating that it was "cool" to share.

I climbed up into my bunk. Settled in, I started perusing the magazine and gasped out loud. Oh my, are those real?

Emmett read my mind. "Nah, they're all fake, Danny Boy."

:-o

The next morning, I woke up to the most wonderful smell. I was embarrassed to have slept in so long as it was already 10 o'clock and Emmett had already been up and gone running.

As I entered the kitchen, I was greeted by morning salutations and a delicious breakfast consisting of waffles topped with strawberries and chocolate chips. As I dove into my food, I chatted with the McCarty family. They were incredibly kind and seemed genuinely interested in my life. I couldn't believe it. After Emmett and I insisted on cleaning up the kitchen, I played Magic Princess Ponies with Chuckie then watched old Matlock reruns on the telly with Grammy and Grandpa for the afternoon. They made me sit in between while Grammy kept feeding me "nuts and bolts" and Christmas cookies.

That night, I wore my velvet jacket and Hawaiian shirt to make a good impression on Chief Swan. This would be my first meeting with him. I also brought him a jar of jam that my mum had sent to me from England in my Christmas care package. Nan taught me that it's good manners to bring a gift when invited to tea.

I knocked on the door with a firm hand. Just two knocks to announce my expected arrival yet not so many that I sounded frightened and desperate. Bella had me come over before her father arrived from the police station so that I would feel comfortable in the house. She knew I might hyperventilate from nerves. Bless her!

"Come on in, Daniel!" she yelled.

I walked into the front room and tossed my messenger bag on the couch, pretending to be nonchalant, and carefully placed the jam on the table. As I strolled into the kitchen, I saw Bella stirring a large pot of something that smelled delicious. She looked so beautiful in her apron, cooking me a special meal. As I walked up behind her and grabbed her hips, I pulled her into my groin and kissed the side of her neck.

"Hey Daniel," Bella giggled. She was so ticklish.

"Heeeey!" I looked into the pot. "What's this? It looks scrumptious!" I asked.

"Chicken and dumplings."

"Mmmm… I can't wait to taste your dumplings, Bella," I proclaimed seductively and ran my extraordinarily long tongue along the helix of her ear.

My stomach dropped when I heard a throat clear behind me.

I slowly turned around and saw a very large man in a police uniform and mirrored sun glasses. He had one hand on a gun and the other on his night stick. I gulped. We were approximately the same height but I suspected that he outweighed me by about 5 stone.

I did the only think I could think of. I held out my jazz hands and said, "Ta da!"

Bella's father slowly removed his sunglasses and squinted at me.

"Um…" I quickly came to my senses and remembered what I had gone over and over in my head on the walk over to the house. I held out my hand, ready for a firm handshake.

"Hello, my name is Daniel Gale. I have only the most honorable intentions toward your beautiful, brilliant, and more or less virtuous daughter."

Chief Swan grunted then grabbed my hand and squeezed hard enough to let me know he was the boss. I gave him a quick nod to let him know that I knew it.

"Good to meet you, Daniel." He held my hand until I noticed that he still had a hand on his night stick, which he subtly patted.

Bella chimed in. "I saw that, Charlie!"

With a chuckle he walked out of the kitchen, mumbling something about a beer.

"Isn't it in the refrigerator?"

"Oh, he doesn't drink in uniform. He's a real stickler for rules so he's gone off to change."

While I was tossing the salad, Charlie came back into the kitchen in a flannel shirt and jeans sans weapons. Although Bella's cooking was delicious, the meal was almost painfully silent. After cleaning up the dishes we went up to Bella's bedroom. It was worth the wait if I could get a few moments alone with my girl.

As soon as she closed the door she dragged me over to the bed. Her hugs and kisses were well worth the awkward meal. We cuddled and talked for a couple hours until Bella started to yawn. I wanted to make the moves on her but I could tell she was exhausted after a long day of work. When she explained that she would be working almost every day through the break, I felt guilty for sitting around all day and being unemployed. I didn't have much money so I vowed at that point to find a way to make some more once we got back to Seattle. Thankfully, I pocketed the money my mother sent for my Christmas break hotel so I had enough to get by for a while and take my special girl out on the town.

;-)

Finding a vehicle turned out to be difficult. I hated to use Bella's car for going out on a date. She had always been so generous with me. I wanted her to relax and enjoy herself, not worry about driving us around. Emmett suggested we go on a double date. I had to admit, the thought of going out with another couple made it feel like we were a real couple.

"Yeah man, we can get Dad's old Nova out of the garage – that thing is sex on wheels. And there is plenty of room in the back seat if you know what I'm saying," he added with a wink.

"Emmett, your parents are sitting right across the table from us." I looked over at them and chuckled nervously.

Mr. McCarty chimed in. "Sorry boys but the Nova's not feeling well. I'm having a hard time keeping her running again. You're welcome to sit in her all you like though. There really is a lot of room on the back seat, ain't there baby?" Mr. McCarty looked over and wiggled his eyebrows at Mrs. McCarty.

"Just take the minivan, Em," Emmett's mother said as she smiled to his father. Looks like they'll be busy later on…

"Mooooom. You know I'm too sexy to drive around in a minivan. That's not gonna impress the girls!"

"Sorry sweetie, but if you want to go on a double date, that's all we got. The truck only has three seatbelts."

"Emmett," I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I think we should just be thankful that we've a safe and reliable mode of transportation with which to take our women out. Minivans are sensible – lots of room, comfortable, and safe in a crash." I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Plus, the back seat folds down, making quite a roomy cargo area if you get my meaning?"

Emmett had a huge smile on his face.

"Minivan it is!"

After dinner we picked up Rosalie first and then headed towards Bella's house. "Aren't you going to honk the horn?" I asked when we pulled up at the Swan residence.

Emmett turned around. "Dude, just go get her. The chief won't bite."

"I think he hates me."

"I know he hates you. It didn't help that you went right up to Bella's bedroom after dinner instead of pretending to be interested in whatever he was watching on TV. Gosh, do I have to explain everything to you?"

"Bella invited me. I wasn't going to say no to my girl!"

"Well, girls don't understand the man-code, bro!"

I banged my head on the back of the front seat and whined, "Can you come in with me?"

Emmett scoffed. "Sure, if you want the Chief to think you're a panty waist who isn't man enough for his daughter."

"Well, what do I do now?" I asked, my head still buried in the seat.

"Go up and knock. Charlie is going to answer the door. Then you have sit with him in front of the TV so you can bond with the old fart. Rosie and I will just chill out here for a few minutes." He looked over at his girl with a grin. "Maybe she'll let me play with her boobs while we wait."

"Alright, that sounds easy enough," I mumbled as I slid open the door. I noticed that Rosalie was unbuttoning her blouse.

After knocking on the door and participating in another handshaking ritual, Chief Swan invited me to sit down on the couch.

"Beer?"

"Um… No thank you, sir."

"Good answer." Several awkward moments passed. The chief grunted. "So you like sports?"

"Well, I played a bit of cricket at school." Of course, I was only 10 and this was only during break time. And I was always the last picked. He didn't need to know that part.

The chief grunted again.

"Oh, uh… Emmett and I play football a couple times a week. I scored a goal once!"

"Touch or tackle?"

"I'm sorry. I meant soccer."

"Oh that's right. Emmett's real good." The Chief seemed genuinely interested.

"Ye… yes, he's our team captain."

Chief Swan turned on a fishing program.

"You like fishing?"

"I love it! I used to go with my grandfather in Scotland." As long as I didn't have to bait the hook, I was good to go. Grandfather always took care of that part for me.

"Next time you visit, we'll go catch some steelhead."

"That sounds brilliant!" I didn't know what steelhead were, but if it got me in good with Bella's father, I was willing to spend an afternoon proving my worthiness for her sake. We then sat there for another 10 minutes enjoying the wonders of Power Bait on the telly. Hmmm… no worms. I love America!

Finally, Bella came running down the stairs. She looked fantastic in her tight sweater and jeans. I tried to make out her nipples through the faux cashmere.

"I'm all set, let's go." She started dragging me away.

I broke free of Bella's grasp and went over to shake her father's hand, just as Emmett instructed me to do. I'll take very good care of her, Chief Swan. We're just going to go out with Emmett and Rosalie. You know, grab some dinner, catch a film, maybe go out for ice cream afterward."

"Sounds wholesome. You kids have a great time," he said as he slapped me on the arm.

I was so pleased that I seemed to have passed this part of the preliminary mating ritual with flying colors. I hoped I could continue to impress my girl's very intimidating father.

Emmett picked the restaurant – a local Chinese buffet so that we could "get our money's worth". As usual, he and Rosalie really packed away the food. I wasn't too hungry myself, still feeling nerves from my time with Bella's father and having eaten so many of Grammy's cookies throughout the day. I was also afraid that if I ate too much I might get diarrhea. I noticed that Bella was hardly eating a thing. Once Emmett and Rosalie went back for more desserts, I decided to check on her.

"Are you alright?" I asked while rubbing her back.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She smiled and looked down. She wouldn't look me in the eye. "Um, what do you say if you and I skip the movie?"

"Oh, are you not feeling well?"

"Nono, I'm fine. I was thinking maybe we could drop them off at the movies and you and I could go park somewhere? Um… Emmett packed some drinks and sleeping bags and stuff in the back."

I couldn't hold back my smile. My girl was a genius. "I think that's a brilliant idea!"

I was rewarded with a huge smile from Bella. She seemed very relieved that I was interested in her plan. Silly girl. How could not be?

After dropping off Emmett and Rosalie at the cinema, Bella took over the driver's side and drove us to a secluded place off a private road. Once I figured out how to get the back seat flat, I zipped up the sleeping bags together. Bella and I crawled in and started kissing. I was slobbering all over her face and neck like a golden retriever. It was cold outside, but once we warmed up Bella ripped off her sweater and T shirt and crawled on top of me. As she began rubbing herself over my groin, I leaned up and ripped off her bra so I could see and taste her beautiful breasts. She moaned as I sank my long fingers into her super-size thighs. Then I sat up enough to remove my jumper, only breaking contact with her nipples as I pulled it over my head. I was so turned on my ears were ringing. After several minutes of kissing and groping, she lay down beside me and started scratching her nails over my corduroy covered crotch. It felt divine!

"You didn't have to go through all this trouble just to have your wicked way with me, you know."

"I know but we needed privacy and… I wanna see it, Daniel. I need to see it. I bet it's, like, super cute." She answered, breathing heavily.

"No… um… well, you see Bella. I'm not like other guys you might know."

"What do you mean? Are you like secretly a girl? Like in that movie? Because that's not a deal breaker for me."

"Um…" I chuckled. "No no, Bella I'm all man. 100% natural, manly man. Do you know what I mean?"

"Not really." She looked like she was thinking hard. "Oh, you mean you don't wax your balls?

"Well, no, I don't. Actually the thought never occurred to me. Um… Is that what Americans do?" I asked, my voice reaching up an octave.

"I'm not sure but Emmett does." Bella shrugged.

How the hell did she know that? I wondered. Once I thought about it, I did recall that Emmett had a rather smooth scrotum.

Bella started rubbing my arm. "Hey! I'm sure that's fine as long as they aren't, like, super hairy." She paused. "But if they are super hairy I can live with that," she quickly added with a nod.

"No Bella. That's not what I mean but if my nut grass bothers you I'll certainly remove it."

"Then what's the matter, Daniel?"

I was so embarrassed, couldn't look at her so I stared at the new moon peaking through the window. I didn't want to be different. I just wanted to fit in. "Bella, I'm English as you know, and where I come from very few men are circumcised." I finally glanced at her sweet angel face. "I'm not circumcised. Um… my prepuce is intact."

"Oh. Is that what you're worried about, sweetie? I've seen a few uncircumcised penises."

"But I thought…?"

"At the care center. You know I have to help people with personal care. It's no big deal."

"No?"

Bells slipped her big hand over my manhood. She had a huge smile on her face. "Nope. So, can I see it now?"

"Well, if you'd like." I was still a little nervous but Bella was one smooth operator. She gently rubbed her hand on me as she kissed me. It felt wonderful and I couldn't deny her anything.

"Oh, I'd like. I can tell you are packing some heat down there."

She kept kissing me as she coaxed my zipper down and rubbed her hand over my boxer briefs. As I scooted my pants down and off to the bottom of the sleeping bag, Bella's hand made its way into my underpants. Just as I was enjoying the feel of her fingers wrapping around my shaft she dragged them up toward the head. Suddenly she stopped and looked at me, her face full of terror.

"Oh my God!" she gasped.

Oh no, she's turned off by my foreskin. "W-what's the matter, Bella?" I asked with concern.

"It's too big for my tiny hole. It's never going to fit!"

I began to correct her. I had measured myself many times; I knew I was exactly 5.8 inches long and of average girth. "Bella, I assure you... Um, my penis…" Then I stopped. I leaned over on my side, propping my head on my hand.

I was ashamed to admit it, but I let my own worries of inadequacy overshadow Bella's fears. Instead of reassuring her that I was of normal size, I did nothing to quench her vaginal concerns. Instead, I embraced my inner bastard.

"Well, it's okay Bella," I explained, using my most authoritative and scientific voice. "You see, the vaginal walls were designed to stretch, thus allowing something the circumference of a baby to pass through. I'm sure that with a little stretching and extra lubricant, we can ease into this so to speak when the timing is right for us both. If we go slowly we can make my spectacular manhood fit."

"Really?"

"Of course. And I think we should wait before we fornicate." I paused hoping to convey my deep sincere feelings. "Bella, I want to protect your virtue. I don't want to take advantage of you. I care about you so much. You have no idea the dirty, filthy thoughts that go through my mind when I think about you."

"Oh Daniel, you say the sweetest things!" Bella cried out as she pulled me over and plunged her tongue into my mouth.

"Oops! Hold on. Let me take off my glasses here." I scooted up, gently placing them on the console between the driver and passenger seats. In the process, my erection knocked into Bella's forehead. My pre-ejaculatory fluid was dripping everywhere. Once I got back down into the bag, I wiped off the little smudge Bella's between her eyes.

"There you go. Good as new." I finished it with a little kiss.

"Can you bring it out again? I barely got a chance to see it."

"Yes, of course." I had been hiding a bit down in the sleeping bag without realizing it. I scooted up a little, while Bella pulled down the covers. I lay on my back while she ran her thick fingers all over my chest, teasing my nipples, tugging on my manly chest hair. Eventually, she rubbed my tummy and dove her fingers into my furry bits. Although she wasn't touching my penis yet, her loving caresses on my body were making me quite aroused. I could have cried knowing that she still desired me, foreskin and all.

Bella started kissing my upper chest as she looked down. I was leaned back on my elbows as I watched her explore my loins. I let out a little moan at the sensation of someone else's hand finally pleasuring my sensitive skin. I especially enjoyed the feel of her fondling my scrotum.

Bella looked at me with a big smile. "It looks like a corndog."

Corndogs are good.

"Well, my sweet. You can feel free to nibble on it anytime you desire."

As she giggled, Bella used just the right amount of pressure to place on my testicles as she rolled them around in her palm. What amazing instincts she had! I couldn't wait until she wrapped those fingers around my aching shaft.

Finally I felt her warm hand close around my hard as steel erection. She squeezed gently and the pressure made pulse and twitch with pleasure. I wanted her to pump my shaft to blissful orgasm. I knew it wouldn't take much. Her hand began to move and I closed my eyes in heady anticipation…

"Ouch! No, Bella!" I shouted as I felt the searing pain of my tender and sensitive foreskin roughly being pulled back too far. I sounded a little harsher than I meant to, but her handling was painful. I tried to gentle my tone. "You can't just handle it like a joy stick. My penis is a strong but delicate instrument." I gave Big D a few pets to help him relax.

Bella looked hurt. "Oh sweet Daniel, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" She started rubbing my thigh.

Once I calmed down, I felt terrible for being so severe. "It's alright. Here let me show you what feels nice." I grabbed her hand and placed it on my firm flesh. I showed her the sensitive part on the underside of my head and guided her hand up and down a few times.

"Oh… right there. That's perfect. You see how my foreskin goes back and forth a bit as you pull?"

"Yeah." Bella nodded her head. She looked so cute and conscientious. She was really trying her best.

"It stays there. You don't want to pull it back too roughly while it's erect."

"OK." She looked up and smiled with pride as she saw how much I was enjoying her ministrations.

"Heavens! Bella..." I grunted. "Uh… this is incredibly pleasurable. Oh… I'm going to ejaculate!"

Bella kept her hand steady as my fountain of semen shot up into the air.

Afterwards, Bella just stared at her cum-coated hand. "Damn that's a lot of man-chowder. Is that normal?"

I leaned back up on my elbows and looked down at the mess. "Well, it's been a while so I probably built up a bit of a reserve."

"Gosh, how long has it been?"

"A few hours. If I don't release the floodgate now and then the pressure builds up, and I have explosion of biblical proportions," I explained.

"Um. Let me get you cleaned up here." Bella reached over for a towel. She looked back over at me sheepishly.

"I love a woman who makes plans."

She smiled with relief as she gently wiped me down. I felt so relaxed and cared for. After she was finished, we kissed and cuddled as she continued to fondle my shrinking penis and foreskin with curiosity. I felt both relieved and a little silly after spending all those weeks worrying that Bella wouldn't like my genitals.

Although, I was ready to go again not long after I had finished, we had to get dressed and pick up Emmett and Rosalie. We held hands and kept smiling at each other the entire hour drive home.

8=====o ~~~

Over the next couple of days I tried to spend as much time with Bella as possible even though she was working so much. When I was not with Bella, I made myself useful around the McCarty residence by cooking meals and cleaning out the garage with Emmett and his father. Emmett and I enjoyed looking up and testing out new marinades for the BBQ, much to the appreciation of the whole family.

I woke up one morning to a knocking on the underside of my bunk.

"You smell that, Danny Boy?"

"Wha… what?" I was still quite groggy.

"Don't tell me you can't smell that. Oh, fuck yeah! Bella's cooking bacon. Get your clothes on. Quick!"

We scurried around the room and I quickly found my trousers. After running the three blocks to Bella's house I was a little winded. I stood on the lawn leaning over with my hands on my knees as Emmett jumped over the bushes started tapping the glass and waving through the living room window. As I looked up, I could see Bella giggling but when Chief Swan looked out he was not amused.

Emmett had that smile on his face that he always has just before finding food. I followed him in through the front door. As he sat down at the table he kindly pulling a chair out for me. He was always so considerate. Sure enough, Bella had eggs, bacon, and sausages frying up for the Chief. She even had cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. It smelled like heaven on earth!

"Good to see you, Charlie." Emmett slapped Chief Swan on the shoulder.

"McCarty," the Chief spoke back from behind his newspaper.

Bella finally sat down so we could all dig in. Her freshly baked goods were a real treat for the olfactory senses. While Emmett and Bella's father fought over the meat like a couple of Neanderthals, I leaned over to whisper into Bella's ear.

"I can't wait to taste your buns."

"Oh Daniel," she slapped me on the arm and giggled. It felt wonderful. Mmmm… perhaps someday I can get her to slap me on the arse.

Chief Swan lowered his paper and glared at me. He'd heard.

Thankfully, Emmett and Bella kept up a conversation while I occupied myself by swirling my tongue around in the cinnamon bun frosting. Just as I started daydreaming about licking the frosting off Bella's nipples, Emmett slapped my back, jolting me back to reality.

"So Chief, Daniel here can shoot!"

"Really?" Chief Swan eyed me speculatively.

"Uh-huh," Emmett replied.

"You boys up for some targets after breakfast?"

"Yeah, sure." Emmett turned to me. "Danny Boy, show him what you got!"

"Uh… well I don't really remember much from our excursion."

"Don't worry. We'll give you a refresher." The chief looked genuinely excited to shoot something.

"OK, you guys set up and I'll help Bella clean up the kitchen." Emmett walked over to the pantry closet and grabbed an apron. It was red with print that said "100% American beef" and had an arrow pointing to his privates.

I gave Emmett my look of death. He was my best mate! He was supposed to have my backside! Damn it! In return he just winked and gave a "thumbs up" sign. I supposed he was trying to assure me but it wasn't working.

I went out to the back patio while Chief Swan got out his rifle.

"Alright, kiddo. Hang on to this while I get some beer cans set up along the back fence."

After loading it, he handed it to me. I'd never handled a rifle before so I was quite nervous.

As Bella's father was setting up the "Vitamin R" cans, I fumbled with the gun and with a blast it somehow it went off.

"Awww fuck!" The Chief was grabbing his bum as he fell to the ground.

Oh no! I shot Chief Swan!

A/N: Thanks for sticking with the story! Did you like Daniel's prepuce (foreskin)? Would you like to read more about it?

Thank you for your wonderful reviews and PMs. I love talking to you guys!

:-D

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