Author's Notes: Oh my God guys I am so so so so sorry that it took more than a week to post this chapter, we've never gotten that far behind before. I got my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday so I've been recovering and Leigh wrote this entire chapter again and I even had to move a little bit from this one to the next one so that I could post this as soon as possible, so I apologize deeply for the wait. The reviews we've been getting have been spurring us on; you guys really are amazing and I never want to disappoint. Some tension gets resolved in this chapter but things don't stay calm for long, so buckle your seatbelts! This chapter's song is Wouldn't Change A Thing by Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas from Camp Rock 2. Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-Five: Wouldn't Change A Thing
Sam sort of floated into metaphorical orbit around Dean and Cas as they left rehearsal one night a few days later. Cas watched him, not really sure what to say.
It was a little unnerving that since the fight backstage, not once had Sam brought it up in conversation. Cas wondered if there was anything he could do to help - he couldn't be sure if Sam would react to the offer of a listening ear and a little advice; after all, his current fight with Dean was all about opening up, and Dean and Sam sometimes seemed like two sides of the same coin.
Sam kept looking like his heart was breaking, though, and that killed Cas a little every time he looked at him. His hands hung limply at his sides as he walked half a pace back at Dean's left shoulder.
"Sam," he finally said, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. "Do you want to come inside for coffee?"
Dean looked at him, eyes widening a little. Cas half-shrugged in his direction and turned his attention back to Sam, who smiled sadly. "Uh, sure. Dean?"
"Coffee's good," Dean said, turning to Sam. "And while we're at it, you can tell us what the hell happened with Gabriel a few days back." Cas couldn't see Dean's facial expression, but he could see Sam's reaction: the way his jaw tightened and his shoulders hunched as if struck. "Am I gonna have to hurt him?"
Sam shook his head sharply. "Dean, please don't. It was bound to happen eventually."
"Sam," Cas said quietly, "do you want to talk about it?"
"You saw what happened. And it's not like anything changed since then." Sam turned away a little. "Because of course he's right. About all of it."
Dean took a half-step toward Sam. "What the hell happened, Sam?"
"We should go inside. Coffee, remember?" Cas suggested, reaching out to tug at Dean's arm. "We shouldn't just be standing out in the cold like this; it won't solve anything."
Sam nodded, and Dean turned back toward Cas. Cas was warmed, just a little, by the way the stony facade in Dean's eyes was cracking open, but he shoved the feeling aside - this was about Sam, after all. Anything else could come later.
They walked inside in silence, Cas keeping a careful eye on both Winchesters' body language as the went up to the apartment. Sam seemed to be trying to push past his pain, and Dean's jaw was tense.
Cas followed Dean into the kitchen when they were inside, Sam breaking off to go sit on the couch in the den. Dean started making the coffee, but paused. "What happened?" he asked, turning to Cas with a sober expression. "Sam doesn't get like this over just anybody, Cas."
"Sam saw Gabriel flirting with one of Meg's stagehands. It's just the way Gabriel is. I suppose that with all the stress lately, Sam took it as more than that." Cas leaned his hip against the counter, crossing his arms. "They got into an argument, and, well... Sam insinuated that Gabriel would leave him someday. That he wasn't good enough. Gabriel didn't seem to take the hint, so he wound up listing Sam's faults, and Sam stormed off, upset."
Dean stayed quiet for a long moment, jaw muscles working as he finished making the coffee. "Do I need to break Gabriel's hands with a shovel?" he asked, a little more harshly than entirely necessary.
"Don't do that," Sam said from the den. "Crowley'd kill you."
Dean finished the coffee, and he and Cas moved into the den. Cas looked at Sam, at the way he was almost curled in on himself. He looked miserable, frankly.
"To be honest, Sammy, I'm not sure I care about what Crowley'd do," Dean said seriously. "'Cause it sounds to me like Gabe pulled a dick move on you for a mistake you made 'cause you were stressed." He handed Sam his coffee.
Sam shook his head. "It doesn't make any of the things he said any less true, Dean."
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Cas asked quietly. "It's obviously all just a big misunderstanding."
"What if it's not, Cas?" Sam shot back. "I mean, I am jealous and easily irritated and everything else that he said. I wouldn't blame him if he decided I wasn't worth the effort."
"He'd be kicking himself if he could hear you now, Sam," Cas said, taking a sip from his mug.
Sam laughed bitterly.
"I should at least fucking punch him in the face," Dean muttered.
"Dean," Cas murmured back reprovingly, swatting Dean's knee before turning his attention back to Sam. "Sam, Gabriel's head-over-heels about you. I've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. He'd never do anything on purpose to ruin that."
"Then why the fuck did he say what he said?"
"He's never been very good at arguing. When he's upset, he generally does one of two things - he runs away, or he says something stupid." Cas smiled. "He was being stupid. Again, I'll knock some sense into him if you'd like me to."
Sam shook his head. "No, I...I should talk to him myself."
Cas nodded.
Sam tilted his head after taking a sip of his coffee. "What about you two? You guys have been tense these last few days. Is everything okay?"
"We're fine," Dean said, but Cas gave him a sideways look.
Sam seemed to just let it go at that, and they all finished their coffees in companionable quiet. Then Sam got up to go, looking much lighter than he had in days.
Cas smiled as he left, but the smile slipped off his face as the door closed behind him. He could only wish that Dean had been right when he'd told Sam they were fine. The silence in the apartment had been almost unbearable in the past couple of days.
He moved to go get ready for bed, but Dean caught him by the hand. He looked up to meet his eyes, confused, only to find something softer in Dean's eyes than there had been since before their fight.
"Look," Dean said quietly. "I've been an ass."
Cas wasn't sure how to respond to that - after all, Dean wasn't exactly wrong.
"I've been an ass, and I've been pushing you away, and I shouldn't have been." Dean squeezed Cas's hand. "I... the thing is, this one thing... I can't talk about it yet. I just can't. It's too big." He paused. "But it didn't give me any excuse to act like that to you. It had nothing to do with you - it was years ago."
Cas nodded. "Okay." He took a step closer, back into Dean's space.
"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean said, reaching out almost tentatively to cup Cas's cheek. "Dammit, I really am."
"I know," Cas said, leaning into the touch. "Just know that, whatever it is that happened to you, I'm not going to judge you for it. It's in the past."
Dean closed his eyes, tipping his head down. "I know. God, what did I ever do to deserve you?"
"It's not about deserving," Cas murmured, pulling Dean close. "I love you, and that's that." He tilted his head up so he could kiss Dean properly, catching his lips gently.
"Thank you," Dean whispered against his lips, slipping his hand into Cas's hair. "I love you, too."
A soft meow distracted them. Eve had managed to get onto the kitchen counter and was giving them an imperious look, as if to say, "Good job, puny humans."
Both of them laughed, and Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist as they moved into the kitchen to get even down off the counter and feed her. She bumped her head against each of them in turn and mewled before turning her attention to her food.
Cas laid his head against Dean's shoulder, content for the first time in a while.
Dean pulled him close again, kissing him as if he couldn't get enough. Cas pressed as close as he could, and Dean began walking backward, pulling them out of the kitchen and into the den to the couch. Cas smiled into the kiss for a second before turning them around and pulling Dean down onto the couch on top of him.
Dean was smiling softly. "Gorgeous," he murmured, leaning down to kiss Cas deeply, sliding his tongue into his willing mouth and licking against every surface. "Beautiful."
Cas couldn't help but smile at that, his hands coming up to tangle in Dean's hair and kiss him again. This time, the kiss deepened even further, with Cas sliding one leg up between Dean's to rub gently at his groin. It had been too long since they'd done this, between the stress at work and the fight, and Cas wanted Dean tonight.
Dean responded in kind, apparently thinking the same. His hands settled on Cas's waist, fingers slipping up underneath the hem of his shirt, tracing circles on his skin. Cas let out a soft noise, moving his lips to mouth along Dean's jaw as he wrapped his arms around his neck.
"Cas..." Dean breathed softly, and pulled them back upright. He kissed Cas again, lips moving softly and sweetly over Cas's, and murmured, "Come to bed with me?"
Cas smiled and nodded. "Of course."
Dean took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom, pausing every so often to kiss him again, and there was a measure of apology to the kisses, too, underneath the desire.
"I love you," Cas murmured as they finally made their way to the bed, kissing Dean's earlobe and pulling him down on the bed after toeing off his shoes. Dean followed him easily, pressing him into the mattress and pillows gently before kissing him again.
"I love you, too." Dean rucked Cas's shirt up under his arms, caressing his skin and rubbing over his nipples. Cas keened in response, arching into the touch, and slid his hands up the back of Dean's shirt to scrabble at his back. It was good, so good, to be back where they ought to be; wrapped around each other in their bed, loving each other.
Cas pulled at the waistband of Dean's jeans, thumbing at his hipbones, wanting. He wanted so much right now - wanted Dean inside him, over him, driving into him until they were a writhing mess of flesh and sweat and come.
"Want you," he whispered in the space between two kisses, and he unbuttoned Dean's fly as he kissed his way across Dean's face.
Dean made a soft noise and smiled, his eyes gleaming in the dim light from the hallway. He pulled at Cas's shirt, and Cas slipped out of it before leaning back again. Then Dean pulled his own shirt off in one smooth motion, and Cas couldn't help but slide his hands all over the newly-exposed expanse of his chest.
Cas leaned up again, his hips grinding against Dean's as they kissed. Dean moaned into his mouth, and he reached between them to undo Cas's jeans, palming the growing bulge he felt there before shoving at his pants.
Cas chuckled a little when Dean fumbled at it, and slid out of his jeans and underwear, undulating against Dean as he did so.
Dean groaned and pulled out of the rest of his clothes, too, before wrapping a hand around both of their cocks. "God, Cas, baby, so gorgeous."
Cas bucked into Dean's hand as he slid his hands into Dean's hair again and whispered, "I want you inside me."
Dean nodded and pulled a condom and the lube from the nightstand before skittering down the bed. Cas spread his legs, keeping his eyes on Dean, because really? Watching Dean prep him made it ten times better.
Dean kissed and nipped all over the insides of Cas's thighs, then lifted his hips a little so that he could tease his tongue around the edges of Cas's hole. Cas bucked into the teasing, wanting it so bad it almost hurt, and Dean gave him a little more, slowly pressing inside with his tongue, licking Cas open until he quivered, dick dripping precum onto the back of Dean's shoulder.
Then, he pulled away, and Cas whimpered at the brief loss before Dean slicked up his fingers and pressed one inside where his tongue had just been. He worked him over like that, his eyes meeting Cas's.
"More," Cas begged, spreading his legs wider, and Dean's breath hitched before he slid another finger in. Cas moaned, pressing back against his touch, but he still needed more, needed to be filled the way that only Dean could. "Please, more..."
"So greedy for it, huh, baby?" Dean whispered, nipping at Cas' thigh.
Cas had to nod at that, and Dean rewarded him with another finger, curling them to drag along Cas's prostate. That pulled a long moan from him, and a shudder, and he tried to rock down on Dean's fingers, trying to fuck himself on them, really.
"You ready for me?" Dean asked, slithering back up the bed. Cas wasn't sure when Dean had slicked up his cock, but now it pressed against Cas's hole, tantalizingly close to where Cas needed it.
Cas whimpered. "Yes, yes, Dean, just please get in me right now." He was surprised that he was still this coherent, but he knew it wouldn't last long.
Dean sank into him with one long, smooth thrust. He moaned as he did, carding his hands in Cas's hair as he bottomed out at waited a minute for Cas to get used to the stretch of him - so much bigger than three fingers, he was.
Cas nodded when he was ready, and Dean pulled out almost all the way and thrust back in, building up into a rhythm that had Cas seeing stars.
It was good, so good, and Cas pulled Dean's face down to his for a kiss, tangling their tongues together as Dean rocked into him. The world shrank down to just the two of them and their bed, all of their stresses seeming to fade away - unimportant, now.
Cas lost track of time, caught up in his arousal as Dean peppered his collarbones and chest with kisses and bites, but eventually, Dean's hand was wrapping around his cock again. He didn't last long after that, coming with a shout, and he felt Dean tumble over the edge after him.
Dean pulled out, disposed of the condom, and climbed back into bed before Cas even broke through his post-orgasmic haze. He pulled Cas into an embrace as they lay there, kissing him again.
"I love you," he whispered, voice starting to color with sleep.
"I love you too," Cas murmured back.
Soon, they both drifted into sleep, and it was the best Cas had had in days.