Chapter 25:
speculation
The next day, Katara decides to venture out into the city. Zuko's practising firebending somewhere, Aang is absent — probably feeding Appa, she thinks — and Toph and Sokka are helping in the shop. She remembers the city gardens and decides it would be the ideal place to practise some yoga. She finds her way to the gardens easily enough, wearing Zuko's cloak with the hood pulled low, and she's walking along a hydrangea-lined path when she hears a voice.
"It's about Katara."
How could she possibly walk away from a statement like that?
Katara looks around, frowning, halfway down a winding path leading to a large shrine. Ahead of her, an elderly woman is scooping water from a fountain, the bamboo ladle moving gracefully through the water. A man is praying quietly nearby, eyes closed, incense aglow beside him.
She tilts her head, listening for a moment. A voice says something too quietly for her to hear, but she recognises the husky voice nevertheless and spots a small stone path to her right. Flanked by tall cypress trees on each side, she creeps along it until it leads to a small clearing with a stone bench and a statue of somebody she doesn't recognise.
Aang is sitting on the stone bench, looking cheerful. Zuko is by the statue, arms crossed, looking guarded. Katara takes a step back, remaining hidden by the cypress trees.
"So, I want to do something really special for Katara," Aang is saying, feet swinging slightly as he perches on the edge of the bench. "And since she's been spending so much time with you, I thought you'd have some suggestions."
Katara shrinks further back into the shade of a cypress tree. Is Aang asking Zuko for relationship advice? Her eyebrows rise.
"Like what?" Zuko says.
"You know..." Aang waggles his eyebrows. "Romantic stuff. Like...buying her flowers."
"Do that, then." Zuko is being quite unhelpful; Katara's frown is momentarily replaced by an almost secretive smile.
"Well, I was hoping you could give me some better ideas, I guess." Aang frowns, tapping his chin as he thinks. "Hmm. If you could take Katara on a perfect date, what would it be?"
Katara leans a little closer, just as interested as Aang. She has no idea what Zuko's idea of a date would be. In fact, Zuko doesn't look like he knows either — he's silent for so long that Katara is about to give up expecting a reply.
"There's a dragonboat festival in three days," Zuko says at last. Aang perks up.
"Really?"
"Yes. I'd take her to that. I'd buy her a fox-sleeve lantern. A red one," Zuko adds, and Katara's heart skips a beat. He remembers.
"Oh man, that sounds great! A dragonboat festival. I bet there's dancing," Aang says.
"There's supposed to be an artisan demonstrating ivory carvings, so I'd take Katara to watch that."
"Ivory carvings? That sounds kind of boring," Aang says, making a face, but beside her cypress tree, Katara grips the pendant of her necklace. One of the last great arts of her tribe. She would love to see the ivory carvings and talk to the artisan about techniques.
"So what else?" Aang asks.
"We'd set the lanterns out at midnight, with everyone else. Then I'd buy her a white rose from a flower-seller, and we'd go to the top of a bell-tower."
"And then what?"
"Just watch the city, I guess. Talk, maybe."
"What would you talk about?"
"Anything she wants."
"Huh." Aang frowns. "Well...it's a good idea, but I'd make it even better. The festival sounds great, but where's all the food and dancing? That'd be lots of fun. And a rose is nice, but they're not really rare. I'd get her a panda-lily. Those are really expensive." Aang gestures grandly, apparently pleased with his modification of Zuko's plans. "And I wouldn't go to a bell-tower. That's not very special — no offence. I'd probably take her to a nice teahouse. Girls love those places, with all the fancy teas. And I'd buy her the rarest tea!" Aang finishes his plans with a big grin and outstretched arms.
Zuko says nothing.
Aang's smile fades slightly.
"I didn't mean to make you feel bad," he says anxiously. "It's okay. Your ideas were really good, but they just need that extra something."
"Yeah."
"Well, thanks for your help! You're a great friend." Aang springs up from the bench, smiling again. "I'll go find Katara and ask her to the festival. We'll have a blast! Wish me luck," Aang adds.
"Good luck," Zuko says dutifully.
Sensing the conversation is about to come to an end, Katara quickly ducks away, hiding behind a couple of cypresses. Aang walks past quickly, a cheerful expression on his face, glider in one hand.
She waits for a while, but Zuko doesn't appear. Quietly disentangling herself from a couple of rogue branches, she peers through the foliage and sees him still in the clearing. He's sitting on the stone bench now, gazing at the shrine.
Katara looks at him for a while, then silently leaves, retreating to another shrine in the gardens.
Somewhere to be alone too.
"Are you alright?"
Katara looks up. A woman is looking at her with a kind expression, a child holding each hand. She looks Fire Nation and reminds Katara strongly of Ursa. She manages a smile.
"Thank you, I'm fine."
The woman nods doubtfully and continues on her way to the shrine, the little girl and boy both hanging onto her hands and gazing up at the shrine. The little girl and boy could easily be Azula and Zuko, their black hair neatly combed, their golden eyes curious. The woman laughs as the little girl points to the shrine and says something.
They leave the garden shortly afterwards. Just before they disappear down the path, the boy looks over his shoulder at Katara and breaks free from his mother, scurrying up to the waterbender.
"For you," he says shyly, handing her a tattered flower. "Because you look sad."
"Thank you," Katara says, accepting the unexpected gift.
"Come along, Kaito," the woman calls, and he quickly turns and runs back to his mother.
Katara sits alone for a long time, the dusk darkening into night. She looks down at the flower — a pansy, she thinks, or perhaps a viola — before tucking it into her sleeve.
She stands slowly and walks down the narrow path, the sweet aroma of the cypress trees surrounding her.
"Calm down." Sokka reaches out and grabs a handful of tunic. "She said she was going to do some yoga."
"Yeah, hours ago," Aang retorts, trying to break free of the older boy. "I'm going to launch a search for her!"
"Sometimes, people like to practise yoga for hours." Sokka doesn't relinquish his grip.
"Yeah, but it's night time!"
"Sometimes, people like to practise yoga for hours...at night."
"Ugh! Toph? Zuko? Could you please explain to Sokka that his sister has been missing for hours and we need to search for her?"
Toph yawns and throws down another Pai Sho tile. Zuko eats another chopstickful of rice.
"Snoozles has a point. Katara's a big girl, she can take care of herself," the earthbender says, nudging Zuko with her foot. "Your turn."
He puts a tile down. Toph frowns.
"What one was that?"
"The golden lily," Zuko says around a mouthful of rice. Toph reaches down and grabs the tile, feeling the grooves in it.
"Liar! You're shameless. Cheating a blind girl is like tripping a drunk."
Zuko seems amused by that analogy. Aang watches them with frustration.
"Can't you guys see this is serious?" he demands. "She could be in trouble! We need to — "
"Hi." Katara walks into the kitchen. Sokka raises an eyebrow at Aang.
"Hey Katara! I was really worried about you!" Aang races over to her, embracing her; to his disappointment, she shrugs him off.
"I'm okay. I'm just going to have some dinner and go to bed."
"What? But..."
"I'm really tired, Aang."
He falls back, frowning as she fills a bowl with rice.
"Budge over," she says to Toph. The earthbender pulls a face but moves along, freeing up some space for Katara.
Aang tries to squeeze next to Katara, but there isn't much room and he ends up sitting very close to her. He pauses for a moment, then drapes an arm over her shoulder.
"Aang, I'm trying to eat," she says.
"Oh, right. Sorry."
To his disappointment, Katara sticks to her schedule: she finishes the meal, then stands up.
"Who cooked dinner?" she asks.
"Zuko did, since you weren't here," Aang says quickly, wondering if she didn't enjoy it. She looks across the table, meeting Zuko's eyes, and gives him a slight incline of her head and a secretive smile. Aang frowns.
Katara bids them goodnight and leaves. Aang sighs and sits next to Zuko instead.
"What was that about? That smile she gave you?" he asks.
"She taught me to cook when we were travelling together."
"Really?" Aang gives Zuko a sympathetic look. "That sucks. She used to do all the cooking for us when we travelled. Right, Toph?"
"Yep." Toph places another tile.
"Anyway, I was hoping to ask her to the festival, but I guess it can wait till tomorrow. She didn't look very happy," Aang adds reflectively. "Zuko, what's the most expensive tea? You'd know, right?"
"Just because my uncle is tea nut, doesn't mean I'm knowledgeable about leaf-water."
"Well, I know," Sokka cuts in. "It's essence of chilli-blossom."
"Really? Great! Thanks, Sokka!" Aang cheers up with that and decides to make an early night of it, bidding them goodnight.
As he leaves, he hears Zuko saying 'chilli-blossom tea?' followed by someone snickering.
Aang frowns.
Katara rolls over on her tatami mat, eyes open, listening to the sounds around her. Somebody is having a gathering nearby — she can hear the distant drift of music and, every now and again, a boisterous laugh.
Beneath that is the constant sounds of the city. A baby crying somewhere. The night watchmen ambling down the cobbled streets. The sound of the cicadas chirping.
Much closer, there's the sound of her friends. She can hear muffled voices from the kitchen — a distant laugh — and she imagines the scene as she left it: Toph and Zuko idly playing Pai Sho, Sokka sharpening his boomerang and giving them unsolicited gameplay advice.
Across the room from her, Aang is snoring softly. He called her name when he came in, but she didn't answer, feigning sleep. He'd crept over to her and kissed her softly on the lips before retreating to bed.
Arriving back from her walk, Katara had felt her sadness fade a little upon seeing her friends — all her favourite people in the same room. There was something comforting about the scene — Zuko eating a late dinner and casually cheating Toph at Pai Sho, Sokka lazing by the cooking pot and arguing with Aang about something.
Of course, all those dynamics would soon change.
Katara waits a little longer, but Aang is definitely asleep. He mumbles something about a unagi and rolls over, face buried in his pillow.
She sits up and, glancing across at Aang to make doubly sure he's out of it, reaches for her knapsack and upends it across her lap. The weak moonlight offers little illumination, but she doesn't really need to see anything.
First, she picks up the blue flag. Perhaps that's where it all started — Zuko showing her how to hoist a flag, how to tie a clove-hitch. The feel of his hands over hers. She unfurls the flag. Nestled within are the collection of objects. The bottle of wine. Zuko sitting with her beneath the jacaranda tree. Your presence is a sign of great fortune. The little wooden tarot tile, the picture of the star maiden upon it. The remnants of her lessons with Ursa — rows of Fire Nation characters, carefully drawn in her own hand. A bag of fire-flakes. A scroll on botany.
Katara looks over these objects, then carefully picks up a scrap of material and slowly unfolds it, revealing a rose nestled within.
Although slightly brown around the edges of the petals, it has retained a beige colour, a reminder of its once pure white state. The petals are brittle and fragile now.
She looks over the objects — all of them treasured possessions now — and carefully packs them away again.
Her decision is clear. She made it long ago, anyway.
Breakfast time, Aang thinks, is the best time to ask anybody anything. Surely everyone enjoys mornings as much as he does? It's impossible to wake up grumpy when there's a beautiful sunrise and a happy Momo and singing birds and —
"What's wrong with you?" Sokka groans, slumping at the kitchen table, his hair resembling a hedgehog fighting with a haystack.
"Huh? Nothing's wrong with me. I just love mornings," Aang says cheerfully. Sokka turns to Zuko.
"This love of mornings — is it a medical condition?" he asks in hushed tones. "Are we not supposed to talk about it?"
"No, you're just lazy," Zuko retorts. He glances at Aang. The boy whistles happily as he reaches for a mango. "Although," Zuko says slowly, "that level of happiness...I don't know...it's unnatural."
"Yeah, exactly," Sokka says. "Nobody is that cheerful in the morning unless they're a few rice cakes short of a feast, know what I'm saying?"
"Hey!" Aang protests, but he's quickly distracted as Katara walks into the kitchen.
"Morning," she says, reaching for an apple.
"Good morning," Aang replies, smiling as Katara sits next to him. "I have something to ask you."
He'd rather do it without an audience — how much more romantic would it be to go for a long walk with Katara, maybe look at the spring flowers? — but he's too impatient to wait.
"Listen, Katara," he says, "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the dragonboat festival."
In the corner of his eye, Aang catches a movement. However, when he turns, Sokka and Zuko are still and silent, although they're both exchanging an indecipherable look.
"The dragonboat festival?" Katara repeats.
"Yep! I heard from someone that it's coming up in a couple of days, and I thought it sounded like something you'd enjoy," Aang adds.
"That sounds great. I'd love to go."
Aang grins, already imagining them dancing together, the envy of everyone else. And Katara's look of adoration after he presents her with a panda-lily. And, of course, the two of them kissing in a lantern-lit teahouse...
"Doesn't it sound great, Sokka?" Katara adds. Aang blinks as the Water Tribe boy nods.
"Yep. I've always wanted to construct my own lantern-boat."
"How about you, Zuko?" Katara turns to the firebender. "Want to come too?"
"Uh — sure."
"Great! I'm sure Toph will love it too." Katara takes a bite of her apple. "So it's settled. We'll all go together."
Aang says nothing. He's a little disappointed — didn't Katara realise he was asking her on a date, not a group outing? But, well, he enjoys spending time with his friends anyway, and maybe he'll be able to sneak off with Katara once they're there...
He gives a little nod to himself and reaches for another slice of mango.
Katara is almost afraid to close her eyes, in case Azula appears again. She's been plagued with dreams lately.
Around her, the others sleep soundly. Sokka mumbles something in his sleep. Aang snores quietly.
She inhales slowly, closing her eyes only to reopen them a few seconds later. She stares at the ceiling, then glances sideways.
Zuko's eyes are open, the starlight reflected in his pupils.
"Can't sleep either?" she whispers. He turns to her.
"No."
Katara hesitates.
"Want to go for a walk?"
"What, now?"
"Yes."
They look at each other.
The cool night air, the clear sky of stars, the freedom of finally being out into the world — after days of being shut in the safehouse, of not being left alone for more than five minutes, of being restrained — it all lends a playful abandon to Katara's heart. They leave the city and chase each other across the fields, jump over a shallow creek in a nearby cluster of trees. Zuko steadies her as she stumbles on a rock, his hands warm upon her waist. She holds his hand as they pick their way among the rocks of the creek, water rushing around their feet. Eventually, they step onto dry land and settle under a cypress tree. Zuko begins rolling a tiny sphere of fire over his palm.
"Waterbending again?" Katara asks. He looks at her and the fire dissipates in a moment.
"It takes so much concentration."
"I love watching you do that, though."
He smiles — one of his quick, shy smiles. Her favourite. She scoops a sphere of water from the creek and slowly ices it over.
"I have nightmares about Azula," she says quietly.
"What happens?" he asks softly. Katara looks away and bites her lip.
"They...they always start with roses. And it's always night. I'm walking through all these roses, they're everywhere. And then I hear Azula calling me. Strange made-up names. But I know she's calling for me." Katara gazes at the sphere of ice in her hand, troubled. "So I push my way through the roses, trying to find her. I start to run, call out. And then suddenly I'm standing among the stars. And Azula is there."
"And then what?" Zuko asks, his gaze intense.
"She turns around. And she's burning alive. She's just standing there, looking at me, not making a single noise while her body burns away to nothing." Katara looks at the sphere. Somehow, she's sculpted it into a rose. A cold, icy rose. It suits Azula, she thinks abstractedly. "Since you told me about the River of Three Crossings, I can't help but think — "
"Katara." Zuko puts an arm around her shoulder and she leans on him, taking reassurance from his strength and warmth. "Even if Azula has to swim across the boiling lava, she will do it. And she'll have a new life on the other side."
"But..."
"Her new name, Akina, guarantees it. When a new name is chosen for the dead person, they are given a new life in the spirit world. Agni must let Azula cross the river so she can take on her new life. Even if it's the boiling lava crossing, it will only take a short time. And then all the suffering is gone, and Azula will become Akina. Remember the money we burned, and the servant, and the sword? These things will be waiting for her. She won't have any pain or anger or sadness."
It's a strange feeling. Usually, she's the one doing the comforting and the reassuring, whether it's delivering speeches about hope to Earth Kingdom prisoners or just telling Sokka that yes, of course his poetry sounds nice.
She closes her eyes.
"So what happens if somebody isn't given a new name?" she asks, listening to the creek water babble over stones and around reeds.
"They can't cross the river."
"So they're stuck there forever?" Katara asks sadly.
"Yes."
"That's terrible." She falls silent for a while, thinking. "If I die, promise you'll give me a name?"
"You won't die." His arm tightens around her.
"When I'm old."
He's quiet for a long time, then he speaks. "Okay. When you're old."
"And I'll pick a name for you," Katara promises. "But you have to wait until old age to die, too." She pokes his chest. "If you die before then, I'll go to the spirit world myself to search for you."
They sit in comfortable silence. The warmth of Zuko's body and the soothing sound of the running creek are making her sleepy.
"Do people find each other in the spirit world?" she asks, stifling a yawn.
"I don't really know."
"Would you look for me?"
"I'll meet you by the River of Three Crossings."
She turns her face into his shoulder, her eyes fluttering close.
Aang finds Sokka, predictably, in the kitchen, selecting fruits from a fresh breakfast platter.
"Hey Sokka," he says, "can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure," Sokka says, setting a pear down. "What do you need to — oh no." He slaps a hand to his forehead and groans. "You don't need advice, do you? Because I didn't bring my beard!"
"Uh, I don't think you need a beard," Aang says anxiously, looking around to make doubly sure neither Zuko nor Katara are anywhere near. But luck is on his side today; both their beds were empty when he woke, and they're nowhere in sight.
"Sokka, listen." Aang takes a deep breath. "It's about Katara..."
"Ah, girl advice. My speciality." Sokka strokes an imaginary beard. Aang looks at him skeptically.
"Well...anyway. Katara and...Zuko."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Aang waits, but Sokka doesn't seem surprised or confused at all. "I mean, it's about them...in a...romantic way."
Sokka still doesn't look surprised. Just slightly awkward. The silence stretches on; at last, he speaks.
"Well...I mean, don't take this the wrong way, you're a great kid, but around your age...well...sometimes we think we'll love someone forever, but things can change."
"Huh?"
"What I'm trying to say is...well...tea comes in many flavours, Aang, and while we might think that chamomile is the best tea ever, when we get older sometimes our tastes change, and it turns out that wild rice tea is actually..." Sokka trails off. Aang stares at him, totally perplexed.
"I don't see what tea has to do with anything," he says with great confusion. "Anyway, Sokka, the point is, I think Katara has a crush on Zuko." He sighs and looks down at his feet. "Don't worry, I'm not mad about it. I'm totally understanding. Just like the crush she had on Jet. But...it's kind of embarrassing, the way she's behaving around him. Zuko's probably too nice to say anything, but I think someone should talk to her. You're her brother, she'd listen to you."
Sokka stares at Aang, his mouth hanging open.
"Uh..." His eyes dart around before settling back on Aang. "Let me get this straight. You think Katara has a girly crush on Zuko, which is embarrassing him, but he's too nice to say anything?"
"Yeah!" Aang's thrilled that Sokka is so understanding. The older boy looks at him a little while longer.
"Uh...it's...um...yeah! No, that's...that's right, Aang. That's exactly what...um...you know what, buddy? I'll go have a talk to Katara. You, um, you just...keep doing what you do." Sokka slaps Aang on the back. The airbender grins.
"Really? Thanks, Sokka!"
"Yeah...no problem."
Aang walks away, a spring in his step. He feels great relief now. Sokka will explain everything, and Katara will be mortified, but Aang — of course — will forgive her.
And everything can go back to normal.
Katara walks into the kitchen and grabs a pear from Sokka's hands.
"Great, I'm starved."
"Hey!" Sokka glares at her, then glances at the doorway. "You just missed Aang."
"Did I?" Katara takes a bite of the pear, contemplating things for a moment. "Sokka," she says eventually, "have you ever wondered why you became friends with someone?"
"Sure. I ask myself that all the time. 'Why did I decide that Aang is a good person who won't wake me up at dawn every morning?' I ask myself as I shake Momo out of my pillow."
Katara restrains herself from sighing. "I didn't mean that. I mean...well...why do you like Suki, for example?"
"I don't like Suki."
Katara's eyes widen. "Did you guys — "
"I mean, how can I like someone who agrees with Aang? Someone who says 'he has a point, Sokka, you can be kind of lazy sometimes'? And she says my jokes are lame, and," — here, Sokka pauses and looks around before dropping his voice to a whisper — "she says seal jerky doesn't count as a vegetable."
"It doesn't, Sokka. We've talked about this before." Katara wonders why she ever thought Sokka would be a good confidant.
"It does too. I eat seals. Seals eat vegetables. Therefore, I'm technically eating vegetables."
"What are you talking about? Seals are carnivores."
"Is this about Zuko?" He points a banana at her accusingly. It takes a moment for Katara to catch up to him.
"What?"
"You're wondering why you became friends with Zuko. Sometimes, I wonder that too." Sokka leisurely peels the banana, apparently unperturbed by Katara's startled expression. "But he's a good guy. Makes a good pot of rice, handy with swords, doesn't sing that stupid secret tunnel song. I can appreciate that in a person."
"For a moment there," Katara says — perhaps slightly snidely — "I thought you were going to be helpful."
"I do what I can." Sokka pauses a moment. "Listen, while we're on the topic of Zuko..."
Her heart skips a beat. "What about him?" she says, trying to sound casual. Sokka pauses for a moment, then sets the banana aside. Oh spirits, he's stopped eating. This must be serious.
"So, Aang came up to me, looking like someone kicked over his sandcastle, wanting me to talk to you about something." He pauses, then glances at the doorway and continues. "Aang's...well, he's getting a little suspicious."
"Of what?" Katara says quickly. Sokka gives her a long look.
"He thinks you and Zuko are getting very cosy. He thinks you've got a little crush going on."
"A crush?" Katara repeats, her heart hammering.
"I know right?" Sokka grins, shaking his head. "That's classic."
Just another disappointment, Katara thinks. Sokka thinks it's hilarious that she and Zuko would have even a shallow romance.
"I mean, Aang must be kidding himself," Sokka continues. "There is some serious denial going on there." He pauses. "I mean, you and Zuko are way beyond a crush. I'm surprised I haven't caught you two smooshy-facing yet, although don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful that you've spared me the visual." He shakes his head, shuddering. "And there's so much distance between you and Aang that you could practically squeeze a new country in there. We should call it...the People's Republic of Sokka." He spreads his hands in the air, apparently visualising his namesake nation. "Or...Sokkatopia."
Katara gapes at him. "You...you think Zuko and I are a couple?"
"Well, no, seeing as Aang is going around with a big happy smile talking about how awesome everything is. Judging from that behaviour, I'll take a wild stab in the dark and guess that you haven't taken him aside to tell him he's not quite ticking all the boxes on your relationship list, which consists mostly of 'must be Zuko'."
"This is bad, Sokka. This is awful. How am I supposed to tell Aang?" Despite these words, Katara is overcome with relief at last. After so many weeks of keeping silent on the matter, she can finally talk to someone about it, vocalise her feelings. "I thought the same as Aang, originally — I kept trying to tell myself that it was just a crush, that it was nothing. But it didn't work, and I just don't — "
"Whoa, hang on. Are you asking me for love advice?" Sokka holds his hands up. "Because just so you know, my first girlfriend is now the moon and my second girlfriend thinks I look adorable in a dress."
"Who else can I ask?" Katara says desperately. "I just don't know what to do — "
"Well...let's think about this." Sokka strokes an imaginary beard. "I mean, is it serious, I'm-gonna-move-to-the-Fire-Nation territory, or — "
"I'm starved." Toph comes barrelling through the doorway and seizes the last moon-peach. "What are you two losers talking about?"
"Nothing," Katara says quickly, her mind still retracing the conversation.
It's not her imagination. Sokka confirmed that. There's something between her and Zuko.
And an achingly vast emptiness between her and Aang.
She can't help but recall Sokka's last words on the matter, however. Living in the Fire Nation.
She's daydreamed about revisiting the Fire Nation without even realising it. She's read Ursa's scrolls over and over, fascinated by the facts uncovered. The thousands of islands that make up the country — some tiny as houses, others a sweeping landscape of vast deserts or lush rainforests, of dry riverbeds in drought-stricken plains, and of mountain ranges made of dead volcanoes, thick with rainforest and shrouded in mists. The ancient myths that accompany the land — Agni, the first Firebender, born from a volcano and adopted by dragons; Mikiri, the girl who sent ten thousand white river-birds to every corner of the Fire Nation to scatter the seeds that would, in thousands of years, produce beautiful rainforests and bountiful crops.
And still, she wants to know more. It's a foreign country, a land of ancient flames and mysterious places. It's an ever-changing landscape of history and power. It's the colour of love, it's the colour of war.
It's Zuko's country.