I know, I said this would be the last chapter.....but I lied.
Kristen: * reads through next scene in script and glares at Edward* Baseball. Your idea of a good date, is taking a girl to play BASEBALL?!
Bella: *scowls* yeah, Edward. I was too busy being dazzled at the time, but now I realise that that was SO unromantic. Explain yourself.
Edward: *shifts uncomfortably* It's the American pastime....
Catherine: *pops unidentifiable pill into mouth* Ok guys, ....just a few more scenes and then we're DONE!
Emmett: ACTION!
Elizabeth (Esme): Bella! I'm glad you came, we need an umpire....
Rob: That's nice talk for 'you suck at sports and we don't want you ruining the game'
Kellan (Emmett): She thinks we cheat...
Elizabeth: Oh I know you cheat!
Jasper: *is curled up in a dark corner rocking back and forth* She can't prove ANYTHING!
Catherine: *eyes Jasper nervously* Uh...yeah. Ahem. Since we don't have a very large budget, we can't exactly afford proper music so.....Take it away, Bella!
Bella: Doo, doo doo doo doo, doo doo....Ooo baby don't ya know I suffeeer....
Everyone: WHAT IS THAT AWFUL NOISE?!
Edward: *covers ears* It buuuurns!
Alice: MY EARDRUMS ARE SOILED! SOILED!
Catherine: Oh just play baseball!
A wonderful game of exciting an eventful baseball ensues. All is well until......
Edward: Gasp! Fog!
Jasper: Gasp! Wind!
Carlisle: Gasp! Daunting and suspenseful music!
Alice: Gasp! *points at the three approaching nomads* They aren't wearing shoes!
Edi (Laurent): *steps on a sharp stone* Ouch! Crap! I mean....erm....Hello. *holds up ball* I believe this belongs to you.
Ashley (Alice): Nope.
Peter (Carlisle: Never seen it before in my life.
Jackson (Jasper): I think it belongs to the Volturi actually. You should check with them.
Edi: I am Laurent. And this is Victoria.
Rachelle (Victoria): *nods* Sup.
Edi: And James....
Cam (James): *turns head to side*
Bella: Wow, what a greeting....
Peter: I'm Carlisle, and this is my family.
*All Cullen's break into a remixed version of 'We are Family'*
Emmett: *raises hand* I have a question. WHY THE HELL IS LAURENT JAMAICAN? Seriously. WTF?
Catherine: Interesting question, Emmett. And first, I must thank you for stopping filming just so you could ask it, consequently costing us all HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS!
Emmett: You're welcome. Answer the damn question.
Catherine: *sighs*I was sick of working with Americans, ok? So I figured, Hey! Why not throw something different into the cultural mix?
Stephenie Meyer: *is not amused*
Catherine: ACTION!
Cam: You bought a snack....
Kristen: Wow, thanks a bunch Edward! You bought a snack and didn't think to share it with your GIRLFRIEND?!
Bella: *pats Kristen sympathetically on the shoulder* Chivalry is dead. Its a sad fact, but it's true.
Driving through the woods. Because for some reason the road is blocked...?
Kristen: This driving thing? Yah, you're not so good at it....
Rob: I've just made this his most exciting game ever.
Kristen: Oh my God, Rob! Watch where you're driving!
Rob: He's never gonna stop!
Kristen: YOU JUST RAN OVER A SMALL CHILD!
Rob: We have to kill him.
Kristen: *glances at childs' guts smeared across the road* I think you're all good in the killing department to be honest....
At the Cullen house
Rob: *gives Nikki a coat* Wear this. It will give the tracker Bella's scent and lead him on the wrong trail.
Nikki: Hell no! That girl has NO fashion sense. Damn! That coat is UUUUUUUGGGLLLLYYYY!
Rob: Just wear the freaking jacket, ok? Oh, *turns around* By the way Bella, you're my life now, kay?
Kristen: Cool cool.
Catherine: THIS IS ALL WRONG! *takes shot of tequila*
In Pheonix
Kristen: *answers phone* Hello, Buddy the Elf, what's your favourite colour?
Rob: It's me. I'm j- wait...Buddy the elf? Ugh, never mind, I'm coming to get you. And we're going to go somewhere safe.....
Kristen: Burger King?
Rob: …...Yes... *hangs up*
*phone rings again*
Kristen: *answers phone* House of God, Moses speaking, how may I help you?
Cam: *heavy breathing* It's James....
Kristen:...sorry, I think you have the wrong number....
Cam: No no! You know me! Remember? The vampire from the baseball field!
Kristen: Ah! The ginger ninja! What can I do for you, fanta pants?
Cam: NO! Not Victoria! It's JAMES! You know! Blonde ponytail....creepy eyes that don't open very wide....
Kristen:....
Cam: UGH! You really ARE an idiot aren't you....Anyway. I'm just calling to let you know I'm gonna kill you. Ok? Meet me at the ballet studio.
Kristen: Do I have to wear a tutu?
Cam: Of course! I thought that went without saying! *hangs up*
*A few minutes pass*
*phone rings*
Kristen: You've reached the office of Osama Bin laden, how may we help you?
Cam: I forgot to mention that I have your mother. Bye again.
Kristen: Toodles...
In The Ballet Studio....(which is apparently a very sinister place to die...
Kristen: Hello? Mom? Ginger ninja?
Cam: *storms into room in hot pink tutu* IT'S JAMES- ...ok WHERE IS YOUR TUTU?
Kristen: *snaps fingers* Dang flabbit! I knew I forgot something!
Cam: Ugh, I don't have time for you excuses. *creepy childs voice* I'm now going to kill you....
Gasp. Cliffhanger! ...even though we all know whats going to happen next....BUT OH WELL. Review or James will kill you in his creepy tutu.
Yes. BE AFRAID!