Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 25 (Meeting her Idol)

Valerie turned to the webcam and parted her lips in shock, on the other end of the webcam was her inspiration, her hero, Jennifer Lopez herself. She cupped her hand over her mouth and looked to Carly. Jonah peered over and raised his eyebrows. "Oh my god, you're…you're…You called me?"

"Well actually, your friend called me up." The actress waved happily at the screen and leaned back in what looked like a brown reclining chair. Valerie lifted her head up and turned her eyes curiously to Carly, that girl seemed to be a miracle worker lately. Carly's face shifted to confusion and she slowly shook her head, as if to say she wasn't the one that called her. "Must have been pretty determined to get through to me, he called himself 'Joe' and said that I was an inspiration to you." Joe? Joe? As in the name of the man in the movie, the good man that Slim ended up with? But who would use that alias? "I was informed you were having a bake sale, so I decided to see this webshow thing and learn a little more about you. I was very interested in what I saw."

"Wow, I…I don't know what to say. Yeah, Enough is my favorite movie of all time, I have probably watched it every single day for the past, I don't know how many years." She was trying desperately not to look like a crazy fan and to not freak out, but it was too difficult. "So someone calling himself Joe called you and asked you to contact me?"

"Yes. He said he watched the movie a couple times, thought it was a great inspiration and that you would love to talk to me if you got the chance." How one earth was this possible? She was dreaming, she had to be dreaming. Her mood was elevated and she quickly turned her eyes to Jonah, who was standing back with a small smile on his face.

"I can't imagine you would have done that for just anyone."

"I'm a busy person, but he explained that you were in a similar situation." Valerie slowly nodded her head and breathed in, she didn't care that the woman knew about the situation, hell, it was her hero! "When I was told that, I thought I'd check you out and he said you were having a bake sale."

"It's an honor to be talking to you right now…" She looked back at Jonah again, she was suspecting him of being the one who got a hold of the actress. He grinned and leaned his elbow onto Freddie's shoulder while Freddie wrapped his arm around Sam's waist. "I have an idea who 'Joe' might be…" She turned her head back to Jennifer and once more felt the butterflies in her stomach. "So, you saw everything that happened?"

"From the very beginning, yes. I was amazed at how bravely you stood up to your boyfriend. Or should I say, ex boyfriend." Valerie's eyes brightened, freedom felt great! She looked around as her family joined the group. "So, tell me what your favorite part of that movie is?"

"Oh where do I begin? The whole ending was good. I mean the self defense training, the fight with the husband, and then the very end where you were with Joe and Gracie on the boat."

"Those are definitely memorable moments of the film." Jennifer put her fingertips together and lowered her lips slightly, causing Valerie a bit of worry. "You do realize it's likely not over yet, right?" She felt her heart sink and swallowed as she lowered her arms to her sides.

"What do you mean?"

"Well first, you're lucky Rodney is just a boyfriend, not a husband, and you don't have a kid, as Slim did in that movie." Valerie nodded as Jennifer breathed out. "The mindset of an abuser is a funny one. There may be a chance, if he's anything like Mitch was in the film, he won't be done. No is never satisfactory for them. So I do want to give you prior warning…I don't want to scare you, I honestly don't, I'm just trying to tell you what may or may not happen." Valerie's face drained as Jonah walked up to her and scrunched his eyebrows together in concern.

"Do you think Rodney would try…"

"You were great standing up to him, I was proud of that. A lot of times the abuser doesn't get the message or they just think you're being 'difficult' during that time, so while your relationship with him is over, he may have the mindset that it isn't over. He will try to go after you, but you can head him off at the pass if you think enough."

"Really? I mean, what would I do? A restraining order won't do much."

"True, but again, he's not legally bound to you, and trespassing on someone else's property can constitute jail time. The best thing to do is stay away from him, make sure he doesn't know where you can get to. If you can help it, don't be alone wherever you are. Tell me, do you have a 'Joe' in your life?"

"A who…oh yeah…" Her cheeks turned red and she slowly closed her eyes. Joe, in the movie, was one of Slim's best friends and someone that she had feelings for. Those feelings were returned and she ended up with him at the movie. Valerie slowly moved her eyes over to Jonah. Her heart swelled inside of her and when he met her eyes, she was boosted onto cloud nine. Did he, perhaps, feel something for her? She had to think, the words Slim told Joe in the movie when he asked why she came to him, what were they?

"I tried to remember the last time I felt safe…and I thought of you."

Her breath escaped her as she thought once more of the instant their eyes first met, or when they hugged, or whenever he talked to her. The last time she felt safe, with anyone, was when she was with him. Jonah, her own personal version of Joe, she was amazed. Could she be okay to think of him like that? Would her feelings for him be okay to have? She didn't know, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to date anyone at all for fear of being hurt by someone. "Maybe I do…but, if I date someone, how do I know they won't…you know, hurt me?"

"Well, let's take a look at this 'Joe' in your life. If you, per say, dated him, do you believe he wouldn't hurt you?"

"I know that he wouldn't. I mean, he doesn't seem the type. Unlike Rodney, he genuinely cares about me, I think. I mean, that's the feeling I get when I look into his eyes. I don't know, I'm kind of confused."

"Give it some time. Think about it. If he does care about you and it's genuine, he'll wait for you as long as he can. After all, Joe waited for Slim for six years, if you remember the movie well enough."

"Yeah, I don't think I want to wait six years to date anyone."

"You never have to. Judging on how you felt towards Rodney, that can gauge about how much time should be necessary to start dating if you even look into it. I say give it a couple weeks, you're not going to be comfortable with the concept of dating for a while, most likely. Most of all, you should remember this: Do what makes you happy. Remember to always trust in your friends too. If you remember the movie, several things wouldn't have been possible if Slim didn't have her friends with her." Valerie nodded and smiled as she took Sam's hand and grinned. To her, Sam was the friend that Ginny was to Sam. She could just imagine Sam doing most of the things Ginny did.

"I'll always remember that."

"Also remember this, if you ever start dating again, make sure whoever you start dating isn't a rebound person. That can really hurt. If I may give you a little advice, before you even consider another relationship, get some professional advice first. Actually, if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to be a personal consultant with you." Valerie gasped and placed her hand to her chest, she didn't know what to say. The fact that her idol would want to communicate more with her was remarkable!

"I-I'd love that!"

"Great, and in order to save your family expenses on mental help, should you decide to look in it, I'm certain I could help out a little."

"R-Really?" She heard Jonah and Freddie high five each other and laughed happily, of course they would have something to do with this! "I'd love that!"

"You're in Seattle, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"I happen to know some of the best counselors around there, and I'll pay in full if you'll go to talk to them." She bit her lip and looked at her parents, pleading with them. She knew she would need help and if she could get the best help out there, then that would be perfect. Her parents understood this and they wanted to do their best to help their daughter heal. "You should learn as much as you can about the abusive relationships and know that abusive behavior can stem from various causes and have lingering effects. So…" Jennifer pursed her lips and lowered her arms, leaning back and smiling slightly. "So if you can educate yourself about why it happens and the effects it has on your emotional and mental health, as well as what causes people to enter into these relationships, it's a really big step in the healing process."

"I understand. I'll do that."

"Keep in mind what your emotional state is. As I'm sure you've seen, when you're too emotionally involved or interested in a potential partner, you tend to compromise the ability to evaluate that person correctly." She did have that problem with Rodney, they entered in way too suddenly. "Keep in mind your response to a partner and seek advice from others when you're starting a new relationship."

"What about…new relationships? Not that I'm interested in starting any right now, I'm just…" She ran her hand nervously through her hair as her idol lifted her hand and shook her head, smiling at her.

"My advice for you there is to go slowly. Chances are, you may have trust issues. You need time to build up a healthy relationship. Don't rush, the person your with will understand."

Valerie bowed her head and felt a low feeling of low esteem building inside of her. It was perhaps a normal thing for her now and she wanted to be completely normal. That may never happen again, though. "You think so?" Jennifer closed her eyes and nodded. Valerie felt a hand on her shoulder and lifted her head up, fear started to rise, but she quickly pushed it down knowing that Rodney was nowhere near. At least, that's what she hoped for, in this crowded area. She looked to Jonah and smiled back at him, he was trying to comfort her, and she appreciated it. "Thanks."

"If you ever start a new relationship, let your boyfriend know to be careful, don't be scared to talk to him, okay?" She turned her attention back and nodded.

"I understand."

"If he's truly understanding and genuine, he won't rush you and he will be willing to be careful while not being afraid to touch you." She didn't want to feel like she was untouchable, that she would jump whenever a man touched her, so she understood the desire for a man that wasn't afraid to touch her.

"Yeah, it doesn't feel good about that. I mean, who wants to feel like the plaque or something?"

"Exactly…"

"I don't want to be avoided. Sure, I'm a bit jumpy right now whenever a guy moves towards me, but…other than that-"

"It's normal to feel that way, Valerie. I promise you, though, there will be a time that you can be happy and safe again. You'll find the right man, and who knows, you may already have just as Slim had in the movie." Valerie's eyes dropped for a split second as she attempted to push the doubt from her mind.

"Yeah maybe I will…maybe I have…Whatever the case may be, I guess I got a lot to do. Think Rodney would go after him?" Jennifer pressed her lips tightly together an clicked her tongue. Valerie studied her expression closely and started to feel a sickly emotion inside of her. She watched quietly as Jennifer leaned forward and looked straight into her eyes.

"If Rodney is half as crazy as he seems…and if he's already tried going after those you care about, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid he probably will. You just have to be strong through it all, do you think you can do that?"

"I don't know, maybe…"

"We'll see, but for now, let's try not to think about him and to have a good time. If you'd like to give me your number, I'll call you."

"Okay, thanks!" She quickly recited her number while the others decided to return to the bake sale, checking on her occasionally while she chatted with her idol. She was looking forward to healing and prayed that she'd make it out again. Perhaps, as the cop in the movie said of Slim, she too, was one of the lucky ones.

Awesome, Valerie may make it through this. Jonah did a good thing. Stick around for the next.