Still don't own any characters that you recognise-except Samantha Tchaikovsky, you might start recognising her now…I hope…*long silence* (I know some of you are like "uh, Tchaikovsky?" Yeah, I'm onto you.)
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Alright, so...that line "and now dear little children who may this story read" was from The Spider and the Fly, quality poetry, good message, it's a kiddie book, but fun to read. Anyway, now I'm up a creek because currently Remus won't have a date for Lily and James' wedding. So...(sorry if you think that's a lame prize...I work with what I have, and what I have is my invented story line, a keyboard and a monitor, so yeah, and I know how many of you love Remus)none of you got it, so I'll have to invent a new contest. Sigh...
This chapter, I shan't lie, has a lot of Sirius/Sam. Some of you dig that, some of you hate that...I'm sorry. I promise that there will be an overwhelming amount of Lily and James in the next chapter... I swears it. Also, Sam might seem a wee bit bipolar in this chapter, but it will sort itself else...it always does. So, thank you for bearing with me!
I love you all so much...I can't even tell you! Please and thank you for the reviews!
Coming Soon: Graduation, Meet the Parents, Proposals
Love always,
Fae
Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests
...Sam lay awake in her bed, the hangings drawn round. She knew it was probably two in the morning, but she was finding sleep particularly evasive. True, once she had returned to the common room, she had been exhausted, but when she fell ito her bed, she couldn't close her eyes. For one, she kept thinking about the Boggart. That had been disturbing beyond words. She could hear her mother saying over and over "We have to go back."
She had feared having to go back forever. It had always been in the back of her mind. And she was never quite sure what exactly they would have to go back for, just that she would have to leave. When she had made friends with Lily, that fear had increased dramatically. If she left, she would be leaving Lily, her best friend, far behind. And now, she couldn't help but add Sirius and James and Lupin to that list. They were all her friends. Sirius was, well, Sirius was a boy she liked very much, and to be honest, she knew she would have been heartbroken to leave him behind.
She rolled over onto her stomach and pressed her face into the pillow, trying for sleep. She sighed and propped herself up, looked down at her watch. Indeed, it read 01:56, and though she knew she had tests in the morning-all day in fact, but she couldn't sleep. Not right now.
Quietly, she pulled the hangings back and swung her feet around, stood up silently in her silky white pajama shorts and white tank top and ballet-looking slippers and tiptoed out of the door past Mina-who had spent the better part of the night crying after Lupin's break up- and Jo. Thoroughly disturbed by her own Boggart (James' headstone), Lily was spending the night with James, Sam figured more to reassure herself that James was not, in fact, deceased. She wondered briefly if James would propose to her tonight, while they were alone, but she remembered how nervous he had been, and decided he wouldn't.
Although she felt slightly paranoid doing so, she grabbed her wand off of her night stand. She hadn't been without it since the novice Death Eater attack, and felt considerably safer with it in her hand.
She pressed her left hand against the second hinge on the door to keep it from squeaking-a technique that she had been shown by one of the graduating seventh years last year, and successfully made it to the stairs. Her feet padded silently on the stone, the flexible leather soles dissolving any sound that may have been made. The fire was still burning relatively brightly, but as all of the other candles were extinguished and the moon was new, there was a border to the cast light. She approached the back of the beaten red leather arm chair which had been her favourite since her first night at the castle. Its material was cold at first, but it warmed up quickly and it was almost magically soft...
"Stupefy!" A jet of red light spun at her from the shadow cast by the chair and reflexively she threw up her wand.
"Protego!"
The red light bounced harmlessly off of her shield and she stood there, hair on end, in her pajamas, ready to fight Lord Voldemort himself.
"Jesus Christ," Sirius exclaimed, rubbing his forehead with his palm as he saw her, "How the hell did you get down here so quietly?"
"Why the hell are you sitting up at oh-two-hundred stunning the first thing that goes bump in the night?" she demanded in return, waving her wand and disbanding her shield. Sirius replaced his wand in his pocket.
"I thought you were-" he broke off and sat back down in the leather arm chair-her chair, she couldn't help intoning bitterly-and as she rounded the back of it to take the other arm chair, she saw that he had been playing himself in chess, "Did you just tell the time in military time?" he asked, looking up at her with a smirk.
"The crazed person with the knife and passwords? Scared yourself with your own story, Black?" she asked, feeling a small chuckle bubble up inside of her, more of relief than anything else, "And I'm allowed to tell the time however the hell I choose." She wrapped her arms around herself to protect herself from the chill, his taunting question, as well as his eyes which were looking her over. She refused to be complimented.
" What the hell are you doing up?" he asked, resetting his pieces and ignoring her comments and questions.
"Couldn't sleep," she sat down in the chair next to his.
"Me niether."
"Obviously," she muttered, wishing dearly that she had been alone in the common room.
She sat in silence for a moment, Sirius looked at his untouched chess board and Sam stared at her feet.
"You wanna play?" Sirius asked, without looking up. She jumped a little bit at his voice but cleared her throat to speak.
"Sure," she still sounded a bit savage, and she decided that she was. For whatever reason, she was angry at him again. And they only had two more days together at this place. She scooted her chair so that she was facing him. He moved his knight out over his pieces.
"Here," he said, standing up and grabbing her arm as she extended it to move her piece.
"What?"
"Switch chairs with me. I know you like this one more," he explained, pulling her up so that she felt as if she didn't really have a choice. She sat down in her favourite chair, the leather warm against her skin instead of cold. He spun the board around so that they were at their respective sides once again.
"Thanks," she muttered and he just smiled with a look of infuriating knowing.
She moved her pawn out a single space.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping for your exams?" Sirius asked, staring at her. She stared back. His eyes were so tired, he himself looked exhausted.
"I told you I couldn't sleep," she responded flatly, "and I could say the same thing about you," she countered.
"I told you I couldn't sleep," he mimicked her with a slight amount of mocking tone and she felt her anger flare for a moment, but let it pass. Why did he make her so upset? Sirius swallowed rather loudly then opened his mouth, "And you know, what you said earlier, it isn't true."
"What?"
"About it just being...hormones..." he looked terrible pained, "or whatever."
"Oh no?" she felt the same anger she had felt earlier come rushing back. This was exactly why she didn't want to be with him right now. She knew he would bring it up.
"No. I...well, I was just-"
"You don't trust me. Or James. It was James, Sirius, he wasn't going to do anything. And I wouldn't have let him. But you didn't trust us."
"I'm sorry," he looked upset, "I should have...no! I shouldn't have let it go!" he exclaimed with sudden resolve, "You shouldn't have done that."
"Maybe not," she shrugged, "but you still should trust me."
"How can I trust you when you pull things like that all the time?"
"All the time?" she repeated in astonishment.
"Well, I guess not all the time, but..."
"All the time?"
"Alright, so you don't do that. Ever." he looked slightly alarmed at her reaction.
"I know I don't!" she forced her voice down as to not wake the rest of the house, "Which brings us back to why you don't trust me." He just stared at her. She continued, unphased, "See, you don't trust me because what we have isn't a real relationship. It's just you wanting to get me in the bloody sack!"
Oh bugger it was out now. There was no going back from this. She had spoken her mind and she could see that, not for the first time, it was just about to come around to bite her.
"What?" He looked at her in dismay, "You're bloody crazy. And we do have a relationship," he added, looking perturbed at her evaluation of their relationship.
"I am not crazy," she exclaimed, "That's what you do with everyone else."
"What?" His eyes were wide, dumbfounded, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Oh my God, don't do this. Girls talk. Everyone knows what you and Mina did last year, and Kelleigh, even though she was a year older than you...which was kind of disgusting on her part, but no one was surprised..."
"I never slept with Mina. Or Kelleigh." he looked thoroughly uncomfortable.
"Really, because they were both under that impression," she looked at him disgustedly.
"I wouldn't be surprised if they said it. I mean, who wouldn't want to claim that they had this?" And for a moment he was the same conceited Sirius Black that he had always been.
"Oh you are so nauseating!"
"Sam," he looked even more put out and she saw the tiniest bit of red light his cheeks, "I never slept with them. I...I'm, well, a virgin."
"Excuse me?" her eyebrows shot up with this. He was lying. He had to be. Kelleigh had been a slut and Mina was Mina, but they wouldn't have lied...would they have? Sam stared at Sirius. Who wouldn't want to claim him? He had a horribly relevant point.
"How many different ways can you interpret that?" he asked looking embarrassed.
"You're lying," she said simply.
"No, I'm not," he argued fairly, "I mean, I've had a lot of girlfriends and, well, just girls in general...and it's not as if I haven't come close, I did. But I never did it."
"So you're a womanizing virgin," Sam said and Sirius frowned instantly, "That's bloody fantastic."
"Who doesn't trust in this relationship now?" he demanded.
"You have to be lying," Sam said, her head feeling as if it were spinning. This statement from him contradicted everything she had ever accepted as true about Sirius Black: it was the reason for his attitude, his stupid little snide remarks-"But you had played that game before," she argued lamely.
"Nervous? Sam, come on. Lily's played that before, James has, you have," he looked at her with wide eyes and she knew what was coming next, "Are you a virgin?"
"It depends on what your definition of virgin is," she stalled. What the hell was she saying? She was talking like a crazy person and now he probably thought she really was insane.
"Well, love, let me see here. Have you ever been laid?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
"Well then, yes," she said, knowing she was blushing profusely by now, "If you must know. I'm a virgin."
"Well then, I don't see why I couldn't be," he deduced fairly, but she didn't want to hear it.
"Because you are you and I am... not you," Sam tried to explain. He looked bemused and she knew she wasn't doing a very good job at all, "You know what? I'm sorry I even came down. It isn't that big a deal if I don't believe you," she said, knowing that it was in fact, the exact same thing for which she was angry with him.
"No! You are such a hypocrite," he accused and she cringed at the word, but wasn't giving in.
"And you're a liar," she retorted, "You knew what people thought but you let it go on unrectified. That's as bad as telling it yourself as far as I'm concerned."
"You're being unreasonable," he returned, and she knew he was right. How far had she fallen to be called unreasonable by bloody Sirius Black? It was a low she didn't want to experience twice, so she stopped talking, "Did I want you in every single way possible? Yes. I have for a while and I still do. It drives me insane. So I was upset when James touched you, not because I didn't trust you, Sam. It's because I wanted to be the one to do that. It was just...just whenever I asked or made a move, you shied away."
Bloody hell, so he had noticed. She had thought she was being discreet, clever even, about coming up with excuses. She looked down at the floor, completely chastised. Silence fell once more. Then:
"Holy shit," he said in a tone that made her look up. When she met his eyes, she knew that he had guessed, that he now understood why she had 'shied away', "You thought that I was going to sleep with you and then break up with you."
His voice was an accusing one, but it also seemed as though he actually understood where she was coming from. She looked back down at the floor, holding fast to her resolve to stop talking.
"Didn't you?" he pressed.
"Maybe," she said in a voice that sounded horribly childish even in her own biased ears.
"Jesus, why the hell are you still talking to me then?" he asked, "If you thought I was just playing you this entire time?"
Dammit, he had particularly good thinking and reasoning abilities late at night. She was lagging behind, she was tired, and she really wished she had stayed upstairs. It was an excellent question. She hadn't really thought about it. She swallowed and looked up at thim, knowing that he deserved an answer, even if she didn't know what it was.
"I'm sorry."
That was all that she could manage. He looked at her for a long time and she held his gaze, loving every moment that she was allowed to meet his beautiful eyes. But it was getting late, and they weren't really getting anywhere…just like any other time.
"Me too," he said finally, and she knew that was it, that there was nothing else to say, no matter what she herself felt. She felt her head nod and she stood up, turning to look at the hypnotizing fire for just a second longer. He stood up too, waiting, she supposed, for her to decide whether or not she was going or staying. Then she stepped lightly by him, holding her breath so she wouldn't have to breathe him in, and just as she was about to cross over from the fire's glowing barrier, "I should have told you earlier…"
She stopped without looking back, not really knowing what to say next.
"I don't really think you're a liar, Sirius Black," her mouth spoke before her brain really comprehended the choice to speak, interrupting whatever he had been about to express, "I believe you, I always have," she decided upon adding, finally turning around. He was staring at her. He had been doing that quite often tonight. She leaned against the rail, seeing her own face go in and out of shadow from her periphery.
"Good night, Samantha Tchaikovsky," he said to her, smiling.
"Good night," she said, "Womanizing Virgin," she added before she turned around and one foot was in the black of the common room.
"Shut up," he said, turning around. He ran into the chair with a particularly loud smack as his shin made contact with the wood, and he swore loudly. She thought of making a comment, but the karma was already so evident that she didn't.
She thought she heard him open his mouth to say something else, but he didn't. She felt the light of the fire slide off of her and she ascended the stairs, back to an exceptionally unproductive night of sleep.
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"I can't do it," Lily moaned, standing outside of the Great Hall. It was morning. It was their second-to-last-day ever. It was N.E.W.T.s.
"Lily, I cannot do this right now," Sam explained. Lily looked up at her. Sam looked exhausted. Lily supposed she had been up all night after the Boggart and she felt slightly guilty for not being there for her. However, the only way she had been able to find sleep was in James' arms. But Sam had been left alone to fend off whatever nightmarish happenings came for her, "Thus, we are going in, and that will be the end of it. You are brilliant, you are Lily Evans, and you got a wonderful night's sleep," she added in what Lily could best describe as an embittered clenching of teeth.
Sam took Lily's arm firmly and began towing her towards the doors. Lily found it physically difficult to convince her legs to work, but she finally did so, and was able to find her seat almost on her own. The Great Hall had been cleared of the house tables, the hanging banners had been removed, and almost a hundred desks had been arranged in rows calculated to the precise range where traditional cheating could not take place. Sam pulled her down the rows to very near the back of the Hall and sat down in one of the desks. Lily took the seat behind her.
"Didn't you sleep well?" Lily decided to ask when Sam turned around in her chair and rested her head on Lily's desk. Her brown eyes closed as she shook her head. Lily stared at Sam who had stopped shaking her head very suddenly, and Lily worried she may have fallen asleep.
Her uniform was askew, her vest missing entirely, her skirt was on but her shirt was untucked, unbuttoned three holes down, her socks were slipping down to her ankles. But she couldn't help smiling as she saw the brooch that Sam had remembered, even though she had forgotten her tie. It was, Lily knew, her good luck charm. She had it for every test. After three brassy chain links were two blue enamel concentric circles, one on the outside said Москва Россия, the other side read Moscow, Russia. In the centre circle was a tiny painted picture of St. Basil's cathedral, where Lily also knew Sam had been christened. It had been pinned with exceptional precision, and Lily thought it was a wonder that she had even remembered.
Lily had taken neurotic care dressing herself this morning, choosing her nicest white shirt and rolling the sleeves up to exactly the same cuff length and width, straightening every pleat in her skirt, tying the tightest knot possible on her tie and pulling off every pilled fiber on her vest. The elastic of her socks was taught over her legs. Her hair had been pulled out of her eyes by a golden ribbon but she was still waiting for her good luck charm.
"Nightmares?" Lily inquired farther and Sam, who was obviously not asleep, shrugged.
"At first," she said, propping her head up by her arm.
"Well, then what?"
"Then, Lily dearest, I went downstairs to see if I could get to sleep near the fire."
"That's a good idea—"
"Except that there was already someone there." Sam said in a strange tone and Lily didn't have to guess who had been in Sam's spot.
"Did you two get into it?" she sighed.
"'Get into it?'" Sam pronounced each syllable with care and inflection.
"What happened?" Lily asked, looking concerned. From the corner of her eye she spotted James, Sirius and Remus all entering the Great Hall. James caught her eye and began sifting through the desks to sit near her.
"Oh nothing. The usual," Sam began vaguely, "You know, we exchanged pleasantries—"
"Insults," Lily supposed wearily.
"And I yelled at him for not trusting me and he yelled at me for not trusting him."
"I don't know what to do with either of you—"
"And then we both wound up professing our virgin statii."
Lily felt her jaw drop, "What?"
But Sam had turned around very suddenly and when Lily looked up, the Marauders were depositing themselves in their desks.
"Hey," said James, leaning in and kissing her, "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Lily said, looking at the back of Sam's head.
"Good morning, Evans, Ave Maria," Sirius sat down without catching either girls' eyes and to Sam's credit she didn't even turn to entertain him.
"You alright, Nutcracker?" James asked of Sam, who turned around with the largest, fakest smile on her face that Lily had ever seen. She saw Sirius sneak a look at Sam.
"I am wonderful, James, how are you?"
"Fine…" James seemed cautious and Lily could have laughed but she held it in.
"You…you've looked better," Lupin offered and Lily recognized it was merely an expansion in their very honest friendship.
"Oh have I?" Sam looked confused.
"You look…tired," James tried to name the exhausted-to-a-point-of-madness glint in Sam's eyes.
"I would dare say I am, James," she said, never losing her smile.
"You look crazy," Sirius spoke and instantly Sam's smile evaporated.
"You're insane," she snapped.
"No, you're crazy," Sirius argued back, a bit childishly. Lily thought about what Sam had said as she looked at Sirius. She had said that they had both told each other they were still a virgin. Bloody hell, Lily wondered how they had managed to veer that far off of the desired discussion path of a barely-sane romantic relationship to territory that almost everyone hoped they would never have to deal with. Lily had known about Sam—of course—but Sirius? Really? She had seen him in the common room with countless girls, snogging, touching, feeling, but she supposed there was still that remote chance that he hadn't lost his virginity. Even in her mind, Lily put a very large emphasis on 'remote chance.'
"Students you are allowed your quills and ink on your desks, nothing else," Kaelyn was standing at the front of the Hall in amber coloured robes, pheasant feathers in her matching hat. Lily turned around immediately, but not before she smiled at James and he winked at her. God she loved him so much. She knew she would be seeing him after graduation, but she couldn't help feeling that they only had two more days officially together.
Sam had turned huffily away from Sirius and was now arranging her quills on her desk in descending order of length. She could become quite fastidious about her organization during tests, just like Lily.
"There is no talking permitted, no notes, no wands, no magic, no potions, no magical plants, no magical fungi, no magical creatures, no Remembralls—" Kaelyn stopped at what appeared to be not even a quarter of the way through a list of things that were not allowed, "—If I find you with anything that I deem unworthy of this Hall, I will throw you, your violating object as well as your test out of this hall and you shall receive a T. For Troll," she added with a smirk. Some students laughed, all knew very well that if Kaelyn caught them cheating, they were out.
"The Transfiguration portion of the Tests begins now. If you are not taking the Transfiguration portion, we ask you to leave," Kaelyn looked around the room, "After you have finished your test, you are asked to remain in your seat, to keep your noise level to an absolute minimum and to continue refraining from usage of magical objects. Do you all understand?"
Everyone looked around, then back down at their desks.
"You have two and a half hours and they begin…now." Kaelyn waved her wand at which time a few things happened simultaneously. An exam appeared on each of their desks, an hourglass appeared at the front of the room and turned over, supposedly timing two and a half hours.
Lily flipped over her test to the back page. One hundred questions. She would be able to miss five to pass with an O, ten to pass with an E. One hundred questions also meant that she would have…one and a half minutes to complete each question. She flipped to the front of the exam and read:
Under what circumstances was the first Lapifors spell used?
Lily didn't miss a beat and circled 'in the year 23, during the battle of Plat' right under 'in the year 17, after the battle of Yill.' It had taken her less than ten seconds.
2. Explain how the second Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Laws of Transfiguration applied to Norosis the Nasty's studies in transfiguration.
And so it continued for almost an hour, when Lily turned the last page of the exam to a gloriously blank sheet of paper. She was done. And she was fairly sure that she had managed an O. Actually, she felt very confident about her score, as she was unable to find a single question on which she was unsure. She resisted the urge to sneak a look at James or anyone else and just set her quill down next to her page, stared forward at the front of the Hall. Kaelyn caught her eye and smiled, then winked. Lily managed a smile in return, as the queasy feeling in her stomach was receding considerably. She had charms, potions, and DADA left to take, but it was going to be alright.
It was only about five minutes after that Sam also set her quill down and reached behind her chair in a fake stretch, during which she gave Lily a thumbs up. Lily felt a sense of relief—also a bit of pride—that Sirius hadn't been able to meddle with Sam's mind enough to affect her test.
Lily tore out the back sheet of her test, dipped her quill in her ink and scratched the word SPEECH at the top of the page. She had thought about her commencement speech a bit last night—dreamt about it some—but it was nowhere close to finished. She still had to talk to James about whether or not they wanted to speak on the same topic or differing ones, etc. All she really knew was that she wanted to talk about the hard times ahead, because even if it wasn't uplifting, it was realistic, and about making decisions to join sides, fight the good fight…
A piece of neatly folded paper landed on her desk. She looked up to make sure Kaelyn hadn't seen—she hadn't—then pulled the note apart.
'Anyway…you were saying before we were interrupted by?' here Sam had drawn an arrow so that it pointed to Sirius.
Of course she had been saying something. What Sam had found out last night was very big news. Do you think he's lying? Either way I'm sorry you had to go through that. Lily refolded the note and tossed it artfully over Sam's shoulder so that it landed directly in her lap. She chanced a look at James. He was finished with his test as well and had been staring at her. She smiled and he returned it. Then he turned and ripped the back sheet off of his test as well. He wrote a short message then, with all the skill of a Seeker, delivered it to her.
What happened with Nutcracker and Padfoot? By the way, you look really pretty when you're thinking.
Lily flushed then penned him back a note: Um, well, Sirius told Sam he was a virgin. And thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.
She tossed it back just as Sam's note landed on her desk.
"Bloody hell," James exclaimed in a poorly controlled voice as he read her reply.
"Is everything all right, Mr. Potter?"
"This is a difficult test, ma'am," James responded without missing a beat as Kaelyn looked up at him suspiciously.
"I've heard them called nastily exhausting. Silence please," Kaelyn's voice was dry. James just nodded then put his head back to his paper. Lily opened Sam's note.
I believe him. She had written simply, and don't worry about it. Lils, I don't know why he makes me so mad! There was a blot on the page where Sam's frustration had been translated to her quill, but, well, I'm scared that I'm not going to get to see him again after tomorrow.
Aw, that was so cute! Lily smiled to herself as James' note came soaring back to her. She replied to Sam first. He makes you mad because you're in love with him. And that's why you're scared. Lily wrote back, knowing that it was very true. She tossed back the note, knowing that Sam wasn't going to be fond of what it said, but she would also know it was right. She unfolded James' note.
Holy hell. I'm going to talk to him. Lily looked up and saw that James was indeed throwing another note to Sirius who caught it, opened it and read it, See, he's wanted to say 'something' to Sam for a while now, I guess, and he's just too much of a thick git to say it.
Lily felt an actual swelling sensation. Sirius loved Sam back! It was too wonderful for words. But the fact that he had wound up talking about his virginity—she was still skeptical on the validity of that point—instead of just telling Sam how he felt, was reason to worry.
I won't say anything to her. Lily scribbled back, wanting to tell James about Sam's feelings for Sirius, but they were constantly under the girl pact not to tell such secrets, even if it was to their boyfriends. But it might be rather nice if he told her. She underlined the word 'rather' then threw it back. It landed at the same time as Sirius' note came to James' desk. Sam's note to Lily was only a few seconds behind. When she unfolded it, there were only two, lonely words written on the page.
I know.
Lily smiled to the paper and the back of Sam's head, then drew a heart with the initials S.T. and S.B. in the middle. She tossed it back just as another note came to her. It was a new strain of note, crinkled and ripped crookedly. She unfolded it and saw Sirius' handwriting.
She told you?
Yes, Lily wrote back, she didn't sleep well thanks to all that. She tossed it to Sirius, as he finished his note to James and Sam gave their note back to Lily.
Shut up. I don't need that sort of thing as tangible evidence.
Alright. Sorry.
She threw it back to Sam, being careful not to mix it up with both Sirius' and James' notes that had been delivered. She opened Sirius' first.
Neither did I. Is she mad?
How would she answer this? She pondered a moment then wrote the safest answer she could think of: No, not really. She would still talk to you. She hoped to give him a hint and threw it back. Next came James'.
Yeah, I know it would. Don't worry about it. How's your speech going?
Alright, she scribbled back, Yours?
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James turned his N.E.W.T. over and turned in his seat to look at Lily. She was still scribbling away at her test. She was so beautiful.
His test had been exceptionally easy—as it had been every year for he and his fellow Marauders. He had admittedly worried for about two and a half minutes this morning, that maybe they'd be able to make a test that would actually trip them up, but as soon as he had walked into the Great Hall and had seen Lily, he knew he'd be able to get through any question.
Lily put down her quill and looked up at Kaelyn, who winked at her. Then Lily pulled off the back blank page of her test and began writing on it. With a skillful crane of the neck, he saw that she was working on her speech. She was so ridiculous sometimes. She had the ability to write award-winning speeches in fifteen minutes and yet she was fixated on spending the next two days creating the best speech Hogwarts had ever heard. And he was confident she would, too.
Sam finished her test and performed a very artful stretch-hand-signal kind of move to inform Lily that everything had gone well. James had the feeling that for as long as the Marauders had known how to side step the rules of this place, Sam and Lily had been doing it just as well, and just as long, if not better and for longer.
As he watched the duo, Sam casually tossed a note to Lily. James had the very strong urge to get the note and see what it said: he had had the same urge with every note he had seen passed between those two.
Lily's face changed immediately as she read Sam's note and wrote something back quickly then returned it. There was something going on with Sam, she looked like hell when they had come in…just like Padfoot. Of course it was between Padfoot and Sam. From what he could glean, James knew that Sirius hadn't told Sam that he loved her yet. And when Padfoot had come up to the dormitory at five in the morning looking as though he hadn't slept all night, James had a feeling it was Sam-related.
Lily looked over at him and he smiled, she returned it. He tore the back page off of his own test and wrote his own note to Lily.
What happened with Nutcracker and Padfoot? By the way, you look really pretty when you're thinking.
Lily caught the note that he threw, opened it, and blushed as she read it, her mouth smiling. He smiled too, even though she really wasn't smiling at him. She wrote something back and threw it to him, caught Sam's note on the way back. He unfolded it and read: Um, well, Sirius told Sam he was a virgin. And thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.
"Bloody hell," James couldn't help but speak aloud. What the hell was Padfoot about? And more importantly, why the hell would he talk about that with Sam? It was a three-word phrase. It was effortless...at least, it was with he and Lily.
"Is everything all right, Mr. Potter?" Kaelyn looked at him with her falcon eyes, sharp and ready to turn anyone out for disturbance.
"This is a difficult test, ma'am," James responded, looking at her with the widest eyes he could manage.
"I've heard them called nastily exhausting. Silence please," Kaelyn's voice was humorless, but her eyes almost seemed to smile. He nodded to her then put his quill to the page: Holy hell. I'm going to talk to him. See, he's wanted to say 'something' to Sam for a while now, I guess, and he's just too much of a thick git to say it. He wrote back bitterly, threw the note back then turned his attention to Sirius. He was finished with his test as well, they all were. He could hear Lupin snoring behind him. He had had a rough night as well, breaking up with Mina, James actually thought that Sirius had had a point about Mina wanting revenge on Lupin.
James ripped a corner off of his page and put his quill to the parchment: Man, just tell her. You're killing me. And her.
He tossed the note to Sirius who jumped as the paper landed on his desk. He picked it up carefully and read it, then wrote back. Lily's note came back first: I won't say anything to her, but it might be rather nice if he told her. She had underlined the word 'rather' and James could feel Lily's protectiveness of Sam in her writing.
Yes, I know it would. How's your speech going? James wrote back, but before he could toss it to Lily, Sirius' reply came back.
How the hell'd you find out? Never mind. Evans. That was all he had written. Had he just ignored the part about telling Sam how he felt?
Write her a note, James suggested, throwing Sirius' note back, followed by Lily's, just as a third note was added to the mix. It was Sam's handwriting.
Hey. What's up with Sirius? Was all that she had written. What was up with Sirius? That was an excellent question. 'Well, Sam, he wants to tell you that he loves you, but he's choking every damned time because he's a git.' No, that wouldn't work.
End of year stress, James wrote back, feeling the Marauder-like need to cover for Sirius' behavior, then made the angular toss to Sam's desk. She opened the note and shook her head, put her quill of the parchment. Sirius' note came back first.
Samantha Tchaikovsky, I love you. Why didn't I think of this on my own?…because it's bloody stupid you brainless git. Obviously he didn't like that idea, James surmised with a smirk before writing back.
See, that wasn't so hard. Now just give this to her. He threw it back. Lily tossed their note back to him.
Alright, yours? How was his speech going? Fine, he supposed. He would probably make it up when he got up there. That sounded like a plan. Lily might not have liked it though and even though he loved her, he couldn't think of a more useless way to spend his precious time with her than by writing speeches.
Okay, was the only word he could manage. He threw it back. Sam's and Sirius' notes came back at the same time.
Like hell it is, Sam had written, That's fine, you cover for him. When are you asking Lily? Leave it to Sam to bring that up. He had no idea when he was asking Lily. Hopefully tomorrow, right before they went down for the ceremony…at least that was the plan. Of course, if she said no, or had to think about it—both scenarios had the strange ability to cause him to consider different forms of self-torture—then she might not enjoy the ceremony. But if she said yes then not only would he be able to introduce her as his fiancée to his parents, to everyone, but then he would know that she would be safe, that she was his forever.
Tomorrow. Please don't say anything to her.
He folded that parchment up, then picked up Sirius' reply: NOT. BY. NOTE. What the hell am I, a POET?
You can be whatever the hell you want, just tell her. He folded the second note up too, but left them both for later delivery as Lily's note came back: Sounds good. Can't wait to get out of here.
You and me both, James scratched back, tossed the note back to her, and was hit with the realization of just how gentle his note to her was compared to Sirius'. He tossed back the folded parchment to Sirius, the other one to Sam.
Sirius' note came back first. Under the phrase: Tomorrow. Please don't say anything to her, he had written a very classy response: What the hell?
Bloody hell, he had switched the notes. Only a second later, Sirius had the same realization and turned thirty degrees in his seat to look at Sam's desk. His note sat there, untouched still, as Sam was writing back to Lily.
"Sam," James tried to hiss in her direction. Kaelyn's eyes snapped up and found his guilty ones.
"Silence Mr. Potter," she ordered and he shut his mouth. Sam was folding Lily's note back up, unaware that on her desk sat Sirius' proclamation of love to her, unaware that James was trying to get her attention, and they were both unaware that Sirius was taking matters into his own hands.
Sam picked up the note and began unfolding it. Time actually did seem to slow and James knew it was only a matter of seconds before all hope was lost.
"Incendio."
James heard Sirius' voice mutter the incantation, saw his wand extended towards what was perhaps the most incriminating note that the world had ever seen, saw the note catch on fire.
"Bloody hell!" Sam yelled, throwing the fireball onto the desk and snuffing it out with her own quick wand.
"What is going on back there?" Kaelyn was making her way down their row very quickly and Lily and James moved both of their notes within their robes, "Fire, Miss Tchaikovsky? Wands Mr. Black? Notes Miss Evans and Mr. Potter? Get out. All of you," she pointed towards the door, looking furious as she took their completed tests and marching to the front of the room again.
None of them needed telling twice. Thoroughly chastised and bitter, each gathered up their belongings and headed out of the hall, Sam first, at a rather rapid pace, followed closely by Lily, then Sirius, who was looking both mortified and terrified, and James brought up the rear.
"You gave her the note," Sirius managed to speak as they hit the entrance and followed the two girls out onto the stairs outside.
"I'm so sorry, mate, I got them mixed up. There were so many," James trailed off, feeling truly horrible.
"Did she see it? Did she read?" Sirius asked anxiously, untying his tie and throwing it aside, undoing two of his shirt buttons while he was at it. It was exceptionally warm out in this bit of May. The sun was high, the grounds were cleared, all of the students were involved in exams. The water of the moat was clear and reflective of the sky. Lily and Sam were standing on the second-to-last stair.
"No," James said emphatically, "You know, that may have had something to do with the fact that you—"
"You burnt my hand, you arse!" Sam looked up at Sirius with something that could very fairly be described as a murderous expression.
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, looking genuinely concerned. Of course he was, this was a matter of Sam's well-being.
"No I am not okay! What is wrong with your mind?" She took a step towards them and though she and Lily were a couple of dozen yards away, Sirius took a step back.
"Sam," Lily attempted to placate her.
"Fire?" Sam demanded, "You caught my paper on fire?"
James snuck a look at Sirius whose face was completely unreadable as he stared at Sam, who James had never seen so infuriated. She actually looked terrifying with her wrinkled clothes, askew socks, dark rings around her eyes and her especially curly hair blowing in the breeze. She looked possessed.
"Don't you have an explanation?" Sam challenged. Lily took a step back and put her forehead in her hand, knowing that there was absolutely nothing she could do at this point. This was completely between them. Sirius remained silent, "Oh ho! Nothing to say? I'm so surprised Sirius Black!" Sam began laughing, but Sirius snapped. James could see it in his eyes.
"You want an explanation, Sam?" he asked, voice raised. Sam threw back her shoulders and they faced each other.
"Yes, that would be preferable," Sam still looked a bit demented.
"Well—"
James could actually see Sirius choke.
"Well! Well! What a wonderful explanation. That clears everything up. I am so bloody happy that we had this little chit-chat, Sirius. Now, next time you set my page on fire, I'll know it's because, what is it? Well. A hell of a lot of sense that makes you brainless, thoughtless, stupid, imbecilic, moronic—"
"If you would shut up long enough to let me explain!" Sirius bellowed down the stairs and Sam actually did close her mouth, but she was fuming. Lily threw her arms into the air in exasperation, clearly unimpressed by Sam's poor ability-actually, both of their best mates' inabilities to convey feelings very well. Except for hate. They were doing quite well at that.
"I'm listening," Sam's voice was very quiet, but James felt positive that it had the ability to carry for miles.
"I—"
Another failure and Sam's eyes flashed.
"'Well I'. We've almost formed an entire sentence ladies and gentlemen! I can't wait to hear—"
"Shut up, just shut up. I'm sorry I burnt your hand, alright? You're being a complete ass right now, though," Sirius obviously couldn't help but add.
Ass? That was a far cry from love, James thought. In fact, there were few things lower. Sam, who seemed to have reached her anger capacity a few minutes ago, didn't seem to become angrier. She ascended the stairs so quickly and effortlessly that James wondered if she hadn't been there for the entire argument.
"And now we have a complete sentence," Sam's mouth turned up in the most ironic smile James had ever seen, "Screw you, Sirius Black," she said. There was no physical punishment, no further insults, though James was fairly sure she had covered them all, just a two word phrase that neatly summed up everything that really needed to be said. Then she was gone, disappeared into the castle, only the remnants of her muttered Russian phrases.
"Ass? Black, really?" Lily looked furiously at Sirius.
"Did you hear everything she said to me?" Sirius argued as if he were five. James could hear him whining 'she started it', "I don't need to hear this from you, Evans. Just go after her and-"
"No!" Lily yelled, "I'm so sick of both of you! Find a way to make her feel better yourself!" Lily added, turning around and marching out onto the lawn, collapsing onto the ground beneath one of the large oak trees. James took one look at Sirius, who was in the middle of punching the stone wall of the castle, then followed Lily down to the lawn.
"Damn it!" he heard Sirius swear as his knuckles began to bleed from the force and craggled rock. James sat next to Lily, who had her head against her knees as Sirius walked back into the castle. He wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders and held her close to him until she lifted her head up.
"I can't believe those two," she said quietly.
"They certainly are the perfect match for each other," James nodded and Lily gave a tiny sputter of a laugh, "most sadistic couple in the world," he added and she nodded as she rested her head against his shoulder. He reached behind her and ran his hand down her hair.
"I love you, James," she said in an even quieter voice, "I don't know how-how often we'll see each other after tomorrow, hopefully frequently," she added and his heart soared, "but if we don't, well, even if we do, I want you to know that I love you."
He wanted to do so much in the single second that followed this. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to hug her, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her back, he wanted to give her the ring that he had picked out for her and ask her to be with him forever, but it couldn't all fit neatly into that time. So he said: "What brought that on?" with a nervous laugh at the end. She didn't seem to notice.
"Watching them," she said, nodding towards the castle, "It just makes me thankful that I have you."
"I love you, too," he said, but it wasn't enough. He tilted up her chin and kissed her softly on the mouth, keeping his eyes open to watch her lashes beat her cheeks as they closed over her beautiful eyes, watching the small freckles on her nose move in and out of the sunlight and shade from the tree, all the time arming himself with the resolve that, tomorrow, come hell or high water, he would propose to this beautiful girl.
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Sam lay on the couch with one arm crossed over her face, her head facing into the cushions. They had just returned to the common room after dinner, after N.E.W.T.s. She hadn't been particularly hungry, but now her stomach was growling. Her brain was exhausted from the academic marathon that it had run, her body was exhausted from the sheer effort of staring awake for more than twenty-four hours, and yet she wasn't ready to go to sleep. Her mind and senses were just as heightened as they had been this morning after her shouting match with Sirius.
It was odd. They weren't broken up, she didn't want to break up, but still, their conversation earlier was what anyone would consider to be legitimate break-up material. She realised that she had practically lost her mind, but even now she figured she had reason: he had set fire to a paper she was holding during N.E.W.T.s. Truth really was stranger than fiction, wasn't it? She honestly didn't think that she would have been able to invent a more ludicrous series of events if she had had a week to think on it.
And she was fairly sure she knew the reason behind his idiotic behaviour, although it didnt condone it: James had passed her the wrong note, and whatever conversation he had beeen carrying on with Sirius had been unwillingly passed to her. Truthfully, it had been eating at her the entire day of what could have been written on that parchment that had been important enough to risk eviction from N.E.W.T.s.
In her personal opinion, nothing was so important, but it wouldn't have been the first time that Sirius' judging abilities would be qualified as questionable.
When Kaelyn had tossed them out-and mercifully been benevolent enough of a dictator to allow them to finish their remaing N.E.W.T.s, which had been simple-Sam's head had been spinning and to be honest, her hand was burning from the firey note. She had hit the ground running, right out of the
Great Hall and out onto the entrance stairs in the sun. She had hoped that the fresh air might calm her down, as she felt all of her control slipping under both stress and lack of sleep, and it did start to soothe her. But when she had turned around, the sight of Sirius, damned Sirius who had the audacity to continue looking as sexy as ever with his unbuttoned shirt after what he had done, sent her over the edge.
And though the burning of her hand had subsided by the third N.E.W.T., her head hand't stopped spinning. Even her arm attempting to hold it still couldn't seem to do the trick.
"So what did you put on question forty-six for potions?" Lily asked.
"B," James responded, "About the stewing period of Veritiserum?"
Lily nodded, "Me too."
She had been listening to those two share questions and answers and kisses and compliments for the past half and hour, and as much as she loved them both, she wasn't at all in the was in the mood for Quidditch though, for letting her mind go to the simple yet wonderfully complicated task of flying and shooting.
"I'm going down to the Pitch," she announced, standing up, feeling a little light-headed as she did so.
"The Quidditch Pitch?" Lily clarified. Sam nodded on her way to the stairs, "Sam, it's late. It's dark," Lily tried to dissuade her.
"I'll be fine in the dark," Sam promised, very happy that Sirius was conspicuously absent, as she was confident that he would have had something to say- he always did. Lily argued no more and Sam took the stairs two at a time before her friend could think of something else to say.
In their dormitory, Sam put on her navy blue athletic pants, her pajama shirt and a zippered, red, white, and blue jacket with the British flag on the back. She loved the jacket and had brought it to school from home two years ago. The same summer that she had bought it, her mother had sewn a patch of the Russian flag to the inside. She touched it lightly as she put it on, follwed by her sneakers.
It felt so good just to be out of her uniform and in the Muggle clothes that she had always had, that when she tied back her hair and exited the dormitory agin, she was fairly skipping down the stairs.
"C'mon," Lily was standing up with her school cloak around her shoulders, "I'm coming down with you," she announced, "You can fly and I'll work on my speech. You can help," she added hopefully. For the first time that day, Sam managed a smile.
"Thanks," she said to both of them. James shrugged, smiling back. Sam knew he was giving up an eveing with Lily so that she could be with her, and she appreciated it.
"Let's go," Lily took Sam's arm and led her out of the portrait hole, down the stairs and out on to the lawn. They were quiet all the way to the Pitch, where Sam broke ranks to the supply shed, took out a broom and a Quaffle. When she returned to the interior, the Pitch was lit by its eerie yet comforting magical glow that had been somehow installed to allow for evening practises. Lily was sitting on the players' bench, her quill already scratching away on her parchment.
"How's it going?" Sam asked, tossing up the Quaffle and catching it once before mounting her broom and pushing off. The air around her was slightly warm with upcoming summer heat and still cool with spring's grasp, and it cleared her mind.
"Fine," Lily said, not looking up from the page. Sam sped off down field, shot the Quaffle and it sailed through the unguarded post. Following her shot, she caught the red leather ball again easily and took off to the other end of the pitch, "How does 'choices to dictate the rest of our lives' sound?" Lily yelled up as Sam caught her own third shot
"Um, powerful?"
"Good," Lily answered, "Thank you!"
Sam smiled again, feeling her attitude bubble closer towards happiness each time she did so. It continued for another glorious fifteen minutes, Lily stopping her once.
"What was that saying your mum always told you?"
Oh Jesus, her parents were always spouting off Russian proverbs, "Which one?"
"I'm not sure," Lily admitted.
"Um, there was..." she translated it quickly in her head, "'If you're afraid of wolves, don't go to the woods'," she offered, "and then 'take hold of it together, it won't feel heavy'?"
"That was it," Lily said to the latter, "I like the first one too, though." They both laughed. In thirteen more shots, Lily stood up, "Well, I think that's it!"
Sam paused mid-flight and descended so that she was hovering only a few feet above the ground.
"Can I hear it?" she inquired.
"Tomorrow," Lily promised, rolling up her parchment and stowing her quill. She propped her fist on her hip and looked up at Sam, "You feeling any better?"
"Yeah, I think so," Sam admitted, smiling.
"Good. I will see you tomorrow then?"
"Yes."
"Alright, don't stay up late," Lily said.
"Yes ma'am," Sam laughed and Lily turned around, disappearing through the exit, up towards the castle. Sam took a deep breath and flew straight up, shooting higher into the sky. Flying was just so-liberating! She gave herself up completely to the task at hand and dove back down, angling towards the hoops, shooting from a hundred yards out. The Quaffle scored through the centre hoop and she caught it just before it touched the ground. She stored it in the crook of her arm and then took off to the other end, trying a higher shot from a hundred and fifty yards out. She saw it wasn't going to make it, and the Quaffle hit the ground.
"Damn," she said in just slight disappointment, taking off towards the ground. Her feet met the dirt and she stumbled a bit upon impact, but righted herself to stand up. Right in front of Sirius Black. Who was holding her dropped Quaffle.
She felt her smile bubbles popping quickly.
How long had he been standing there? She hadn't noticed him while she was flying...had Lily known he was there? It didn't matter, she had to deal with him now. Civilly. She took a deep breath and stared at him evenly, holding out her hand and pursing her lips.
"I love you," Sirius said in the most conversational tone she had ever heard, tossing the Quaffle back to her. She caught it-barely.
"What?" her voice was so quiet, so stunned, it was nearly impossile to hear. He shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I've been trying to tell you, well, for a while now, but, I dunno..." he took one of his hands out of his pocket and rubbed the back of his neck, "I guess I couldn't tell you...for some reason...I was nervous...you'r really pretty...I couldn't figure out how to tell you, so...and I'm sorry for what I've been saying recently, because, I dunno...I was, I'm not even sure..."
He was stuttering, he looked absolutely ill, and she had never gound him more attractive. She could only think of one thing to say back: "I love you too," she said, gripping the Quaffle tightly, "And I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean anything I said I was just really upset about, you know, the fire," it all seemed trivial now, unimportant.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about...fire..." his face was sheepish. She nodded and took two steps towards him, "It was stupid...I wasn't thinking..."
She nodded again, smiling finally, which seemed to remid him that he was allowed to smile, too. She tossed the Quaffle aside and he pulled her towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder. He hugged her tightly, pulling her up to his height. She laughed a little as her feet lost contact with the ground, her head completely fuzzy with the euphoria that was flooding her.